9 Ngā Tauira o ngā Rohe Kare ā-roto i roto i ngā Hononga

He aha ētahi tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto? Te tumanako ki te atawhai, ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te whakaute mai i tō hoa. Te kī kāo me te tono mō te wāhi. Te kimi ko wai koe i waho o tō whanaungatanga. Te kore whakaae ki te hara mō ngā hapa kāore i mahia e koe. Ahakoa he aha tāu e mahi ai hei whakatau i ō hiahia i roto i te whanaungatanga, he tauira ēnei o ngā rohe kare ā-roto.

Engari me pēhea te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? Ā, he aha te hiranga o ēnei rohe? Kia rapua e tātou mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro. Kranti Momin (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he kaimahi CBT mātau, ā, he tohunga ki ngā momo mara o te kaiārahi whanaungatanga.

He aha nga paenga kare-a-roto?

E ai ki Kranti"Ko ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga he wehewehe i ō kare ā-roto mai i ō tō hoa. I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te aroha, ka tukuna e koe te herekoretanga katoa ki tō hoa kia whakahaere i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō oranga, ā, ka whakatutukihia e koe ōna hiahia katoa nā te mea kei te aroha koe."

"Ā, ka tae mai tētahi wā i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga ka tīmata te panaia o aua here. Koinei te wā me mōhio koe kāore e taea e koe te whai noa i tō hoa, me whakaute hoki i tō herekoretanga. Ka taea e koe te kī atu ki tō hoa kia haere tonu me ngā mahi e pai ana ki a ia. Ehara i te mea me whai wāhi koe ki aua mahi katoa."

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakataurite i te mana motuhake i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ki te whakaaro koe ki tō hoa, ā, ka pāngia koe e te manukanuka, te riri, te wehi, te kore whakamarie rānei, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu kāore e whakautehia ō rohe. Me noho koe ki te tirotiro mēnā kei te whakamahi kino tō hoa i tōna mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, kei te whakamahi kino hoki i ō kare ā-roto. Ko te mea nui, me tū pakari koe mōu ake. 

He mea tino nui ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te wāhi whakaipoipo, nā te mea ki te kore he rohe, kāore he whakawhirinaki. Ā, ki te kore he whakawhirinaki ki te hononga, ka puta te riri me te mauahara. Nō reira, me whakapau kaha ngā hoa e rua kia kaua e ngaro ō rātou āhua taketake, kia whakaute hoki i te herekoretanga me te wāhi o tētahi ki tētahi. Ā, he aha aua whakapau kaha? Me keri tātou ki roto, me titiro ki ētahi o ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto. 

Ngā Huarahi Kua Whakamātauria, Kua Whakamātauria Hei Whakatakoto Rohe Kare ā-roto

E ai ki rangahau, ko te korenga o ngā rohe mahi-ao ka arahi ki te ngenge. Pērā anō hoki mō ngā whanaungatanga. Mā te korenga o ngā rohe kare ā-roto ka arahi ki te ahotea me te manukanuka. Ko te pātai: me pēhea te whai rohe kare ā-roto pai ake? Ka tīmata katoa mā te aro ki ō kare ā-roto i muri i te tūtaki/kōrero ki tētahi tangata. Mēnā ka meinga koe e ō taunekeneke ki a rātou kia manukanuka, he tohu tēnei kua takahia ō rohe kare ā-roto. Anei ētahi o ngā huarahi kua whakamatauria hei whakatakoto rohe kare ā-roto (me te karo i te whanaungatanga piripono):

• Kōrerohia ki tō kaiwhakaora hinengaro/ngā whanaunga (mō ngā rohe kare ā-roto pai)
• Whakaarohia koe anō, ā, tuhia māramatia ō kaupapa matua ki roto i tētahi pukatuhi
• Tauwhāitihia ō hiahia tuturu ina whakatakoto ana i ngā rohe kare ā-roto hauora
• Whakatakotoria he rohe kare ā-roto mā te atawhai engari mā te kaha
• Kia mau ki tō tūnga (ahakoa he kino ngā urupare a te iwi)
• Kaua e whakapau kaha rawa; whakarongo ki ō kare ā-roto/ngā kare ā-roto
• Whakahonoretia ō kare ā-roto/whāinga/uira me tō "wā mōku ake"
• Kaua e tukua kia whakama koe mō te whakanoho i a koe anō ki mua (engari kia whakahīhī koe)
• Kati te whakapā atu ki te hunga e whakamahi kino ana i a koe, e mahi kino ana rānei i a koe pērā i te whāriki tatau i ngā wā katoa

9 Ngā Tauira o ngā Rohe Kare ā-roto i roto i ngā Hononga

E whakanui ana a Kranti, "Tīmata, kia tino mohio kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga ki tētahi tangata e tautoko ana i ō whakapono me ō uara matua. I mua i te whakapau kaha ki te tangata, tirohia mēnā e ōrite ana ō uara, ō whāinga, ō manakohanga, me ō ngoikoretanga. Ki te tino rerekē, he nui te tūponotanga ka wehe kē kōrua ā muri ake nei."

Kāore he aha mēnā he pai ki a ia te paināporo i runga i te pīta, engari kāore koe. Mēnā rānei he pai ki a koe te Coke Float, engari kāore tō hoa. Engari, me ōrite ngā whakapono matua. Ināianei, ina oti tēnā, ka taea e tātou te titiro ki ngā tauira o ngā kare ā-roto ngā rohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga:

1. Te whakapuaki i ō mea e pai ana ki a koe me ō mea e kore e pai ki a koe ki tō hoa

E kī ana a Kranti, "Ki te mea he tangata koe e pai ana ki te pānui pukapuka, ki te whakaaroaro rānei i roto i tō wā waatea, kāore koe e hiahia ki te akiaki i a koe ki te haere ki ngā pāti, nā te mea he tangata whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tō hoa, ā, e pai ana ki te noho tahi me te tangata."

Ko ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te marena e pā ana ki whakawhitiwhiti me te whakapuakiĀ, he aha tāu e kī ai ina whakatakoto ana koe i ngā rohe kare ā-roto? Me kī noa "Ka taea e au te haere ki tētahi pāti kotahi i te marama engari kaua e akiaki i ahau kia nui ake i tēnā. He pai ki ahau te pānui pukapuka." Mā te whakapuaki i ō mea e pai ana ki a koe me ō mea e kore e pai ki a koe ki tō hoa, ka taea e koe te whai rohe kare ā-roto pai ake, ā, ka tiakina tō whanaungatanga mai i te maha o ngā raruraru.

E ai ki rangahau, ko te mana o te kī kāo he wāhanga nui o te whakahaere i a koe anō. Nō reira, ko ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto ko te kī kāo ki ngā mahi kāore koe e hiahia ki te mahi, kāore rānei he wā ki te mahi. Ko ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te horopaki whakaipoipo he mea katoa mō te whakaute i ngā mea nui ki a koe me te whakatakoto i ō hiahia ki mua. 

2. Tukuna ngā mahi ki ngā tāngata katoa, ā, wetekina te hara hē i a koe anō

E mea ana a Kranti, "Tīmatahia te tukanga o te mōhio ki a koe anō. Kia mārama rā anō koe ki ō hiahia ka taea e koe te whakatakoto rohe hei whakarite i tō oranga ngākau. He aha tāu e hiahia ana i te ao? He aha ō whāinga? He aha tō hihiri? He aha tāu e tino hiahia ana? Ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō hiahia ina mōhio koe ki ō hiahia." Ā, ina mōhio koe, whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ō hiahiaKo ētahi tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto ko:

• Te tuku mahi mēnā kei te nui rawa tō mahi
• Te tono mō te wāhi ina hiahia koe ki tō ake wā
• Te karo i te whakapau kaha rawa ki ngā mahere
• Te kōrero ina pōuri koe mō tētahi āhuatanga motuhake
• Te whakarērea o te hara mēnā ehara koe i te he

Me pēhea te wetewete i a koe i te hara hē? Kia mārama ki te ariā o te "hara matapae". He maha ngā wā ka matapaetia e te tangata ō rātou hara ki a koe kia kore ai rātou e whai kawenga mō ā rātou mahi. Nō reira, ko tētahi o ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto ko te tuku i tō tikanga ki te whakapāha koretake mō ngā hapa kāore i mahia e koe. 

3. Hangaia te mana whaiaro

He aha koe te kore ai e taea te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei? Nā te mea kei te mataku rawa koe kei whakarērea koe e te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Ā, he aha koe i mataku rawa ai? Nā te mea kāore koe i te whai mana ki a koe anō, ā, kāore koe e kite i te uara i roto i a koe anō. Koinei te take ka noho koe, ka whakaae, ahakoa e mōhio ana koe kāore te whanaungatanga e whai hua ana ki a koe, ahakoa e kite ana koe i a koe anō. ngā tohu e tika ana kia haere atu koe.  

Me aha koe i roto i tēnei āhuatanga? Hangaia te mana o koe anō, arā, kia tika koe ki tō ake titiro. Whakatakotoria he rārangi o ō angitu me ō whakatutukitanga. Waihangahia he whāinga poto, ā, ina tutuki i a koe, me mihi ki a koe anō. I te mutunga o te rā, tohua ō manaakitanga, me te tuhi i ngā mea katoa e whakawhetai ana koe. Mā tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te hanga i tō mana me tō whakaute ki a koe anō. Ā, ki te whakaute koe i a koe anō, kāore koe e pai ki te kore whakaute o te tangata i a koe.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te aroha ki a koe anō – 21 Ngā Tohutohu mō te aroha ki a koe anō

Ko ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te whai i ō kare ā-roto. Whakarongo ki tō tinana, ā, ka mōhio koe mēnā kei te takahia ō rohe. Ko te pikinga o te tere o te ngakau, te werawera, te kikī o tō uma, te mamae o tō puku, te pūmau rānei o ō ringaringa, he tohu katoa ēnei o te takahi i ngā rohe. Kia aro ki te urupare a tō tinana me tō hinengaro ki tētahi āhuatanga, ā, ka taea e koe te kite i ngā tauira o te whiti i ngā rohe mēnā he mea kei roto i tō whanaungatanga.

4. Ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto – Te whiriwhiri me te kōrero

E mea ana a Kranti, "Kōrero. Kōrero ki tō hoa mō ngā mea katoa e whara ana i a koe, e huri ana rānei i a koe hei tangata ehara i a koe. Kaua e wehi ki te whakapuaki i a koe anō mēnā he mea kāore koe e pai ki a koe. Kōrerohia ōu ake whakaaro nā te mea kāore he tangata kē atu e pai ki a koe." Ko ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te horopaki whakaipoipo he mea whiriwhiri noa iho. Ko tētahi o ngā tauira o te whakatakoto rohe ko te kī atu ki tō rangatira, "Kāo, kāore e taea e au te mahi tāpiri mō te wiki katoa. Me pēhea mēnā e rua ngā rā i te wiki?"

Ka taea hoki te whakamahi i tēnei ki tō whanaungatanga aroha. Hei tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te kī atu, "Āe, kāore au i te pai ki te whakapuaki i ngā kupuhipa o aku pūkete pāpāho pāpori. Ki taku whakaaro he takahi tēnā i taku tūmataitinga" kaua ki te kī i tētahi mea riri pēnei i te, "He aha koe i hiahia ai ki te mōhio ki aku kupuhipa? Kāore koe e whakawhirinaki mai ki ahau?"

5. Ngā kaiwhakakore whakaaetanga kāore e taea te whiriwhiri

Kia tino whakatau kōrua i ngā rohe kāore e taea te whiriwhiri. He aha tāu e kī ai ina whakatakoto ana koe i ngā rohe kare ā-roto? Anei ētahi tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto kāore e taea te whiriwhiri:

• "E tumanako ana ahau kia kaua rawa koe e patu i ahau"
• "E tumanako ana ahau kia whakaute koe i tōku wā ki ōku hoa"
• "Kāore rawa au e hiahia kia moe pōrangi tāua"
• "Kaua taku hoa e mātaki i ngā mahi tūkino tamariki"
• "E tumanako ana ahau kia pono taku hoa ki ahau, kia kaua hoki e tinihanga i ahau"
• "Kāore e taea e au te aro atu ki te teka a taku hoa ki ahau"

Me whakaaro anō koe ki te noho i roto i taua whanaungatanga mēnā kei te takahia tonutia ēnei rohe. E kī ana a Kranti, "Ko te whanaungatanga e kore ai he rohe e pā ki te oranga ngākau o ngā hoa e whai wāhi ana, he te whanau paitini"Kei te whakaae puku te tangata ki ngā hē, kei te amuamu rānei ki ētahi atu tāngata, kaua ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro me ō rātou kare ā-roto ki tō rātou hoa."

6. Kia tūpato ki te tangata e amuamu ana koe

Ki te mutu ake, ka kōrero koe i ō raruraru ki ētahi atu tāngata, kaua ki te kōrero tika ki tō hoa, tera pea ka nui ake te āputa i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa. Nā te mea ka whakamanahia ō whakaaro e ō hoa. Ko tāu mahi tuatahi ko te kōrero mō ngā rohe koretake ki tō hoa, kaua ki te haere ki ētahi atu tāngata. 

He āhuatanga nui o ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga Ko te mōhio ki te wā me te wāhi hei wehewehe i te ngoikore me te tohatoha nui. Kia ngoikore engari kaua e tohatoha nui. He mea nui te ngoikore, ā, he pai hoki mō tō oranga ngākau. Engari ko te tohatoha nui he wheako whakararuraru, kore hoki e makona i waenganui i ngā tāngata e rua e whai wāhi ana.

7. Tū atu mōu ake

Ko ētahi o ngā tauira o te whakawhiti i ngā rohe ko te tuku i tō hoa ki te takahi i tō wā moe, i te "wā mōku ake" rānei e hiahiatia ana e koe hei whakaaroaro. He aha koe i pai ai kia whitihia ō rohe? Nā te mea pea kei te mataku rawa koe kei ngaro tō hoa. Tērā pea he utu teka, he utu rānei kei roto.

Hei tauira, "Kāore taku hoa e pai te manaaki i ahau, engari, he rawe ia i te moenga." He tangata whai rawa/rongonui/mana tō hoa, ā, kua tino herea e koe tō tuakiri ki tōna tūnga, ā, ka mahia e koe ngā mea katoa kia mau tonu ai, ahakoa ko te tikanga kia takahia e rātou koe. Nō reira, ko ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto ko, "Āe, he rawe taku hoa i te moenga, he tangata whai rawa rānei, engari kāore tēnā e whakamana ana i tana whakatoi i ahau. He tika kia whakautehia ahau."

Te pānui e pā ana: Me aha koe ina mohio koe he teka tō whanaungatanga

8. Te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi

E kī ana a Kranti, "I roto i te whanaungatanga, ka rerekē pea ngā whakapono/uara/hiahia/whāinga o ngā hoa e rua, ā, me whakaute rāua i te herekoretanga o te ngākau me te wāhi o tētahi ki tētahi. Mena he nui rawa te mana whakahaere me te mana whakahaere o tō hoa, ā, kāore e tuwhera ana ki te mārama ki tō tirohanga, he tohu pea tēnei kāore tō whanaungatanga e anga whakamua ana."

Ko ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga roa rānei, e pā ana ki whakaute tahiKi te maumahara tonu tō hoa ki a koe, ā, ka kōrero ki a koe i a koe e whakatau ana i ngā whakataunga iti rawa, nui rawa hoki ka pā ki a kōrua, he tauira tēnei o ngā rohe kare ā-roto. Ahakoa te pai o te mōhio o tō hoa ki a koe, te pai rānei o tō mōhio ki tō hoa, kāore e taea e kōrua te whakatau tetahi i tetahi.

Ki te kore e tino whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, kia rite ki te wehe atu. Me whakapono koe ki te āheinga kei a koe te mana ki te waihanga i te oranga e hiahia ana koe, ā, kaua e whakaae ki tētahi mea iti iho i tēnā (me te whakaaro he mea noa iho tēnei). Kia mōhio koe kāore e tika ana te whakararuraru i a koe anō i ngā wā katoa, ā, kia whakapuakina te kōrero mōna, ki te kite tonu koe i ngā tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto e takahia ana i roto i tō whanaungatanga.

9. Akohia te kī kāo i roto i te huarahi māhaki engari tika

Me pēhea te whakatakoto i ngā rohe mā te ngākau māhaki? Tuatahi, whakaaetia te hiahia o tō hoa. Hei tauira, "E hoa, e mōhio ana ahau ko tō kurī tō hoa pai i a koe e tipu ake ana. E tino mārama ana ahau ki tēnā, e whakaute ana hoki ahau ki tēnā." Kātahi, kia tika, kia whakapuaki hoki i tāu e tino hiahia ana, kaua e tuku tohutohu. Ka taea e koe te kī māia, "Engari, kāore au e hiahia ana ki tētahi kurī i tēnei wā. Kāore anō ahau kia rite mōna", kaua e kī, "He pai ki te whiwhi tāua i tētahi kurī ā muri ake nei?"

Hei whakamutunga, tera pea kāore koe i te mōhio ki ngā rohe koretake kua whakatakotoria e koe māu ake. Ko tētahi o ngā whiti ngā tauira rohe ko ō tātou whaea e mahi nui ana i a rātou anō (i roto i te whare, i te mahi hoki) nā te mea kāore rātou e mōhio kei te whakahaweatia rātou e ētahi atu mema o te whānau. Inaa, he maha ngā wā ka whakaarohia e te whaea ia he mātārai, he toa rangatira rānei, me patu i ana ake hiahia kia ea ai ngā hiahia o tōna whānau.

Mena kāore koe i te tino mōhio me pēhea te whakatinana i ēnei tauira o ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i tō koiora, ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te whakarato i te tautoko e tika ana hei whakapuaki i ō hiahia, ahakoa he uaua. ngā kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū a Bonobology ka taea e koe te āwhina i a koe ki te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto hauora i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kia pai ake ai te oranga kare ā-roto. Kia maumahara tonu ka taea e koe te āwhina i ētahi atu mā te ako koe ki te āwhina i a koe anō. Nō reira, kia tino tika tō hauora hinengaro i mua i tō ngana ki te noho hei pou tautoko mō ētahi atu tāngata.

Ngā Take me ngā Tohu o tētahi Hononga Whakangoikore i te Wairua, me pēhea te Whakatikatika

He aha te āhua o te aroha - 21 ngā mea hei whakaahua i te kare o te aroha

12 Ngā Tohutohu Māmā hei Hanga Hononga Hauora

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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