Ngā Tohu 12 o ngā Wahine Pōuri, me pēhea te whakatau i a rātou

I roto i ngā tau, kua whiwhi ngā wāhine i te ingoa kino mō te tino koretake o te māia—he āhuatanga e kīia ai rātou e te tini he uaua ki te noho tahi. Ahakoa ehara i te mea ko ngā wāhine anake te hunga e koretake ana, ko ngā pēhanga pāpori ki te whakatutuki i ngā paerewa koretake o te ataahua, te angitu, me te whanonga ka taea te whakanui ake i ngā kare ā-roto o te koretake e puta mai ana i ngā mataku hohonu me ngā āwangawanga mō ō rātou uara. He maha ngā wā ka kitea e ngā wāhine koretake he whakamā ki a rātou anō me te hae, ka ngāwari pea ki te tātari nui i ngā taunekeneke, ā, ka whakatere i te ao e pāngia ana e ngā wheako o mua, ngā tumanakohanga pāpori, ngā matea kare ā-roto kāore anō kia tutuki.

Ka taea e rātou te tino pāngia e te manukanuka mō te kore e pai, me te wehi kei whakarērea, ā, kāore rawa rātou e tino ako ki te tuku me te okioki. Ka taea e tēnei te whakaoho i te tini o ngā raruraru whanonga raruraru e aukati ana i tō rātou kaha ki te hanga me te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga hauora. Haunga ngā pānga kare ā-roto me te pāpori, ka taea hoki e ngā āwangawanga hohonu te whakaoho i ngā raruraru hinengaro pērā i te migraines me te mate huka.

Mena kei te taha koe o tētahi wahine e raru ana ki ēnei mataku me te whakaaro kāore koe i te tino pai, he mea nui kia mārama koe ki ngā mea e kore ai te wahine e māia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, i te ao whānui rānei, me pēhea hoki e taea ai e koe te whakatau i ēnei kare ā-roto. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe kia mārama mā te kōrero ki te tohunga hinengaro a Kavita Panyam (he Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro, he hononga ā-ao ki te American Psychological Association), kua neke atu i te rua tekau tau e āwhina ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakaoti i ā rātou raruraru whanaungatanga.

He aha te take o te koretake o te wahine?

He aha te tikanga o te kore haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ko tōna tikanga ko te mau tonu i te ruarua, te wehi, te koretake rānei, tae noa ki te taumata ka tīmata te pā ki te tirohanga a te tangata ki a ia anō, ki tōna hoa, me tōna whanaungatanga. Ka puta pea tēnei hei,

• hae
• Te whakawhirinaki nui
• He hiahia tonu mō te whakamanawa
• Te kore e taea te whakawhirinaki ki ngā whakaaro o te hoa 

Ko te āwangawanga ka puta mai i te kore whakawhirinaki, ngā take whaiaro kāore anō kia whakatauhia, te wehi kei whakarērea, ngā wheako o mua pērā i te tinihanga, te whakakorenga rānei, ngā pakanga ā-roto pērā i te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō. Tērā pea ka uaua ki te wahine āwangawanga te noho marino i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te tātari nui tonu ia i ngā mahi a tana hoa, kei te whakamāori hē i ngā whanonga kino, kei te whakaaro rānei kāore e tika ana kia arohaina, kia arohaina rānei.

E kī ana a Kavita, "Ehara i te mea ko te nui rawa o te koretake o te wahine ka arahi ki te taunga kore o te hapori, engari ka arahi hoki ki ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki , ā, ko te mutunga iho ka noho tonu ia i roto i te wehi kei te rapu te tangata i a ia, kei te whakamahi kino rānei i a ia. Ka taea e tēnei te aukati i te tangata ki te ora i tōna pūmanawa katoa."

Ki te whakaaro koe kei te whakaatu te wahine i roto i tō ao i ngā tohu o te hoa wahine/hoa rangatira/hoa rangatira e kore e māia, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te rapu huarahi hei āwhina i a ia ki te wawahi i tēnei tauira me te ārahi i te whanaungatanga ki te rohe hauora, whai hua, me mārama koe ki ngā mea e kore ai te wahine e māia i roto i te whanaungatanga. Hei whakatutuki i tēnā, anei ētahi take matua ka puta ai te kore māia o ngā wāhine:

1. Ngā paerewa pāpori kāore i te tūturu

He aha te take e pōuri ai ngā wāhine, e pātai ana koe? Āe, he maha ngā wā kua roa ngā pōuri o ngā wāhine i mua i ō rātou whanaungatanga. I roto i te hapori, he nui ake ngā mea e tumanakohia ana mai i ngā wāhine i ngā tāne, nō reira, ehara i te mea miharo he nui ake ngā wāhine pōuri i ngā tāne pōuri. 

Kei raro tonu i te pēhanga ngā wāhine kia eke ki ētahi paerewa hauora me te ataahua, kia whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o ā rātou e arohaina ana, kia eke hoki ki te taumata teitei i roto i ā rātou mahi. Ka taea e ēnei pēhanga te whai wāhi ki te whakaaro kino ki a rātou anō, te whakahāwea i a rātou anō, me te nui o te manukanuka e uaua ana ki te aro atu.

"Ko te tino take o te koretake o te wahine ko tōna āhua - tōna tinana, tōna kiri, tōna reo, me tana kawe i a ia anō, me te āhua o te tirohanga a te ao ki ēnei mea. Ā, ki te tirotirohia kinotia ēnei mea e tōna whānau, he nui ngā taumahatanga kare ā-roto ka puta ," te kī a Kavita. Nō reira, ko te wahine koretake i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka tino āwangawanga ki tōna āhua tinana, ā, me whai tonu ia i te whakamana me te mihi mai i tana hoa rangatira.

2. Ngā tinihanga o mua me te mamae o te ngākau

Mena he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro koe ki ngā whanonga a tō hoa, "He aha ia i pōuri ai, i te mea kāore au i hoatu he take ki a ia kia ruarua ai ia i taku whakapau kaha me taku aroha ki a ia?", ko ngā tinihanga me ngā mamae o mua te take. Mena kua tino whara ia i mua, kua tinihangatia, kua tinihangatia rānei , kua uru rānei ki roto i te maha o ngā whanaungatanga tukino, ka uaua pea ki te wahine te noho haumaru me te noho humarie i roto i te whanaungatanga aroha.

Ka noho pōuri te wahine i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina āwangawanga tonu ia mō te whakarērea anō a ia e tētahi tāne, mō te tuku rānei i tōna whakawhirinakitanga. "Mēnā kua mārama ki a ia te hara o te tinihanga a tōna hoa o mua, ka pātai pea ia mō tōna mana ake," te kī a Kavita. Tērā pea kāore ia e pai mō tētahi atu, ā, ka pōuri pea ia mō te take i whiriwhiri ai tētahi ki te noho tahi me ia. Mā tēnei tauira whakaaro ka whāngai i te whakapono kāore he hoa e noho tahi me ia mō te wā roa, ā, ka kaha ake ai ōna pōuri huna.

3. He hapa, he korenga rānei

Ko te hinengaro o te wahine, ahakoa he hapa o mua, he takahanga hē rānei, ka puta mai i ngā hapa e wiri ai ia, e ara ai rānei i te pō. Ahakoa he hapa i pā kino ki tana mahi, he kōwhiringa o mua i pā ki a ia, he aha ngā hua i puta mai, he whiriwhiri rānei i tētahi hoa kāore i rite ki tana i whakaaro ai, ka taea te whakangaro i te whakapono ki a ia anō, ka waiho i a ia kia pōuri mō te heke mai, kia mataku hoki i ngā mea kāore i te mōhiotia.

Mā te nui rawa o te whakatau i ēnei wheako o te ao ka kino ake te āhua o te koretake o te wahine. Ko ngā wāhine e pāngia ana e tēnei āhuatanga, ka āwangawanga tonu pea rātou mō te whakatau i ngā whakataunga nui o te ao, ā, ka mataku hoki kei hinga i ia taahiraa o te ara. Ehara i te mea ka pātai noa rātou i ā rātou whakataunga, engari ka whakaoho ake hoki i te wehi kei kore e taea e rātou te mahi i tetahi mea tika.

4. Ngā wheako mātua kino, ngā wheako tamarikitanga rānei

Ko te whakatipu tamariki kino te take o te koretake o te wahine. Ko te whakatipuhia e ngā mātua kino e whakatakoto ana i ngā paerewa tino teitei, e tuku ana i te aroha i runga i te whakatutukitanga, e tawhiti ana i ngā kare ā-roto, e tukino ana rānei i tētahi āhua, ka waiho te tangata kia kī tonu i ngā raruraru hinengaro me ngā kare ā-roto, ko te koretake tētahi o aua raruraru.

He nui ngā mamae kua pā ki tētahi wahine pōuri i a ia e tamariki ana. Kei te pā tonu aua patunga o te tamarikitanga ki tōna āhua i a ia e pakeke ana. Ka noho tēnei hei huringa, ā, ka hohonu ake te rua o te pōuri me te kore e makona ki a ia anō.

Nō reira, ki te mea kei roto i tō hinengaro te pātai, "He aha ia i pōuri ai?", ko te tumanako kua kitea e koe he take e pā ana ki ngā take kua whakarārangihia i runga ake nei. Nā, me kōrero tātou mō ngā tohu o tētahi hoa wahine/wahine pōuri, me te mea kei te whai wāhi atu koe ki ōna pōuri, ahakoa e mōhio ana koe, kāore rānei e mōhio ana, me te huarahi pai ki te wawahi i tēnei huringa o ngā ruarua me te mataku. Nā te mea, mā te mōhiotanga whānui anake ka taea e koe te whakatau i tētahi wahine pōuri.

12 Nga Tohu o te Wahine Hukarere

He rerekē te tikanga kore-māia o ngā whanaungatanga mō ia tangata. Mō ētahi, ko te kore o te wāhi whaiaro he tohu kei roto rātou i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi tangata kore-māia, mō ētahi atu, he whanonga whakahaere, he kōrero kino tonu rānei ki a rātou anō. Ki te titiro matatau koe, ka kite koe he tohu katoa ēnei o te kore-māia - engari ka puta pea i roto i ngā kaha rerekē, i runga i ngā āhuatanga motuhake, ngā tuakiri, me ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te riri o te hunga e whai wāhi ana.

Kia taea ai e koe te tautuhi i te mea e pā ana ki a koe, me whai rārangi katoa koe i ngā āwangawanga o ngā wāhine me te āhua o te putanga mai o aua āwangawanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Kei te hīkoi tonu koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i te taha o tō hoa? Kei te tino whakahē tonu ia i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe, ka waiho koe kia raru ki te iti o te whakapono ki a koe anō me te koretake? Kei te kore koe e pai ki te noho ko koe tonu me tō hoa? Āe, āe, āe?

Āe, ehara i te mea uaua ki te kite kāore koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Engari me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te puta mai tēnei paitini i te koretake o tō hoa? Mā te aro ki ēnei tohu e whai ake nei o tētahi wahine koretake me te āhua o te puta mai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono ka āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake:

1. Ko te hae tetahi āhuatanga matua o te koretake o te wahine

He tino ngāwari te hae o te wahine āwangawanga. He mea mārama te hae i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, ā, tera pea ka kore e taea te karo. Heoi, ina kore e tino kaha tēnei kare ā-roto, ka taea e ia te hanga i tētahi taiao tino paitini. Ko te wahine āwangawanga e ngāwari ana te hae, tera pea ka whakaatu i ngā whanonga tino whakahaere pērā i,

• Te whakatau ko wai ka taea e koe te whakawhanaunga me te tangata kāore e taea
• Te tirotiro i tō waea i ngā wā katoa
• Kāore e hoatu he wāhi whaiaro ki a koe
• Te piri rawa atu

Ko ngā take hae i roto i tētahi hononga e hua mai ana i te manukanuka o tāu wahine ka tūkino i tō kōrua heke mai hei tokorua.

Pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu o te Wahine Whakahaere

2. Te noho hei tangata whakahaere

I te mea he wahine pōuri te ngākau e raru ana i ngā whakaaro kino mō ōna ngoikoretanga, ā, e mataku ana hoki kei hinga tōna ao i tētahi hapa kotahi, me whakahaere e ia ngā āhuatanga katoa o tōna ao. E mārama ana, kei roto hoki i tēnā ko tana whanaungatanga aroha. Nō reira,

• Tērā pea ka ngana tonu ia ki te whakahau i ngā tikanga ki tana hoa
• Whakahaungia āna whakatau ki runga i a rātou
• Whakahaerehia ngā āhuatanga katoa o te oranga o tana hoa
• Te amuamu tonu ratou

Ka uru atu ia ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o te oranga o tana hoa, ā, ka kitea he tino whakaiti i a ia. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi maha e memeha ai te whanaungatanga o te hoa māharahara. "Ina rongo ia kei te ngaro tana mana whakahaere, ka rerekē rawa atu āna tauhohenga ki te āhuatanga. Hei tauira, ki te hoki mai te hoa o te wahine māharahara ki te kāinga i tētahi pō, ka whakaaro tonu ia kei te tinihanga ia i a ia, ā, ka tino pukuriri," te kī a Kavita.

3. Ka ngawari te riri, te mamae rānei o te wahine e māharahara ana

He aha te tikanga o te kore haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga ? Kāore ia i ako i te toi o te whakamanawa i a ia anō kia māia ai ia ki a ia anō. Koia tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te kore haumaru ko te ngāwari o te mamae i ngā kupu, i ngā mahi rānei a ētahi atu. Ko ngā wāhine e haumaru ana, e mōhio ana ki a rātou anō, kāore e mataku i te iti o te whakahe. Heoi, kāore i te wahine e māia ana. Mā te kōrero pōrearea, mā te katakata rānei ka whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto kino i roto i a ia, ka huri rānei ia ki ngā kare ā-roto o te ruarua i a ia anō, tae noa ki te mauahara ki a ia anō.

4. Me whakamana tonu ia

Ko te wahine e māharahara ana i roto i te whanaungatanga, me whakamana tonu ia e tana hoa . Kia taea ai e ia te whakapono kei te aroha tana hoa ki a ia, me tono ia kia whakapuakina e ia, kia whakaaturia hoki e ia ki a ia. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te hoa wahine/wahine māharahara ko te hiahia kia whakamoemititia ia e koe, kia maioha hoki kia kite ai ia i a ia anō i roto i te tirohanga pai. Nō reira,

• Ka kimi mihi ia mēnā kua whakapau kaha ia ki te whakakakahu mō tētahi huihuinga.
• Āue, pōuri hoki mēnā kāore koe e kite i tētahi momo makawe hou, i tētahi momo āhua rānei mōna
• Tērā pea ka tino mamae, ka riri mēnā ka kī koe he āhuatanga kei roto i tōna āhua ka taea e ia te whakatika

Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā tohu o tētahi wahine whakamā i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, tirohia te nui o te pānga o ngā kōrero kino ki a ia. Ki te mea kua tino pōrearea tōna rā i tētahi kōrero noa, tera pea nā te tino whakamā ia.

5. He tangata whakahē ia i ētahi atu

Nā te koretake o te wahine, ka tino whakahē, ka whakahē hoki i ētahi atu. Hei whakapai ake i a ia anō, ka whakaeke kino pea tēnei wahine i ētahi atu. Tērā pea ia,

• Whakamāramahia ō rātou hapa
• Whakaari hae
• Haehaea rātou
• Whakapuakitia ngā kōrero whakatoi

Ahakoa te kore tika o te mahi i tēnā, kia mōhio koe, kāore ngā wāhine koretake e mahi i tēnei nā te mea he kino, he whanoke rānei rātou. He whakaata noa iho tēnei i tōna iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō. Kei te ngana ia ki te whakapai ake i a ia anō mā te wawahi i ētahi atu. Heoi, i roto i te ao tūturu, kāore tēnei āhua e mahi i tetahi mea hei wawahi i te huringa o ana kōrero kino me ana tauira whakaaro kino. Mēnā he aha, ka meinga ia kia riri ki ētahi atu. Ahakoa rā, kāore e taea e te tangata riri te hanga hei hoa pai. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi maha e mimiti ai ngā whanaungatanga i te hoa koretake.

6. Kāore e taea te whakaae ki ngā angitu o tana hoa

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kino o te koretake o te māia o te wahine, ko te kore rawa e taea e ia te tino harikoa, te whakahīhī rānei ki ngā whakatutukitanga me ngā whakatutukitanga a tana hoa. Ko te hoa e aroha ana ki a koe me harikoa tonu mōu, me te whakahīhī hoki ki ō whakatutukitanga. Heoi, ki te kore e māia tō hoa, tera pea ka titiro ia ki ō whakatutukitanga mai i te tirohanga o ōna ake ngoikoretanga, ā, ka ngana ki te whakaiti i aua ngoikoretanga, ka whakautu kino rānei, ā, ka mamae koe, ka pōuri hoki i tana urupare.

Pānui e pā ana: Kaua e Whakataurite i a Koe ki tō Hoa mō te Hononga Pai

7. He tino aro nui ia ki ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te ahua o te tinana

He hononga tata te āwangawanga o ngā wāhine ki ngā take o te āhua o te tinana. Mēnā kei te raru tō hoa wahine/wahine i te āwangawanga, me tino tupato koe ki te āhua o tāu kōrero mō tōna tinana, nā te mea ahakoa ngā kōrero tino māmā noa iho ka taea e ia te riri. 

Nā te mea he whakaaro kino tōna ki a ia anō, tera pea ka uaua ki a ia te whakatau i te rangimārie ki tōna āhua me tōna taumaha, ā, kāore rawa ia e māia ki tana kawe i a ia anō. Mā te kōrero iti, te kī, te whakaaturanga ā-kore rānei i tōna tinana ka heke pea tōna whakaaro mō tōna mana ake, ā, ka nui ake tōna aro ki tōna tinana. Ka āwangawanga tonu ia mō tōna āhua, me te mea nui ake, mō te tirohanga a te tangata ki a ia. Me whakamahara tonu ia kia pai ai tōna wairua.

8. Ka ngana ngā wāhine māharahara ki te whakamanawareka i te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i a rātou

Ko tētahi o ngā mea tino nui hei arotake i roto i tēnei rārangi o ngā āwangawanga wahine ko te āhua o te urupare a ēnei wāhine ki ngā tāngata e karapoti ana i a rātou. Ahakoa kāore pea rātou e pai ki tētahi tangata, ka whakapau kaha rātou kia whiwhi ai i tā rātou whakaae. Nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka raru te tangata āwangawanga ki te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, ā, me whakamanahia e ētahi atu kia pai ai te noho mō rātou anō.

Ka tino mārama te tikanga o te koretake ina tīmata koe ki te kite i te nui o tana whakapau kaha ki te whakamanawa i ētahi atu, tae atu ki a koe, ahakoa te kino o ana ake hiahia me ana wawata, ā, nō reira, te rangimarie o tōna hinengaro. "I ahu mai tēnei hiahia kia whakamanahia i tō rāua tamarikitanga. Ahakoa te pātai tonu ki tōna whaea he aha ngā kākahu me kakahu e ia, he tohu pea tēnei o te koretake o tōna oranga i muri mai. Kāore he mutunga. Ka kino haere i a ia e tipu ake ana," te kī a Kavita.

Pānui e pā ana: 23 Ngā Tohu o te Whakakorenga o te Kare ā-roto i roto i te Hononga

9. Ka taea e te wahine māharahara te tino tiaki i a ia anō

Ko ngā wāhine māharahara e hiahia ana kia whai mana rātou i roto i te tautohetohe, ā, e kore e whakamutua te take kia mōhio rā anō rātou kua toa rātou. E hiahia ana rātou kia tika tonu, ā, ka taea e rātou te tino ārai i ngā whakahe katoa. Ka taea e te tautohetohe ki tētahi hoa māharahara te hoha nā te mea kei te whawhai ia kia toa, kaua ki te kimi otinga mō ngā raruraru.

Engari ko te whakamahi i ngā tautohetohe me ngā rerekētanga whakaaro hei wāhi whakaaroaro me te whakatairanga i te tipu whaiaro, ko tā rātou e manukanuka ana ko te tiaki i a rātou anō me te whakaaro he tika rātou. Ka mutu tā rātou aro ki ngā whakaaro whakahē, ā, ka whawhai tonu rātou mō tā rātou kaupapa me te kore e arotake tika i tōna hiranga. 

10. E rapu ana ia i te aro, ā, ka tupu pai ia i runga i taua aro

Ko tētahi o ngā pānga whakararuraru o te koretake o te māia ko te whanonga rapu aro . Ka hiahia ia kia aro tonu te kanohi ki a ia, ā, ka taea e ia te whakapau kaha kia tutuki ai. Mai i te mau kākahu haruru me te whakapaipai ahakoa kāore ia i te pai ki roto, ki te whanonga whanoke, te haruru nui rawa, te whakamanamana me te whakanui i ana whakatutukitanga, kāore ia e mangere ki te whakapau kaha ki te hopu i ngā kanohi.

"Tērā pea ka nui rawa tana manaaki me tana manaaki i ētahi atu e karapoti ana i a ia, ā, ka whakawhirinaki nui rātou ki a ia. Heoi, ehara tēnei whanonga i te mea hauora nā te mea ehara i te mea nō te aroha engari nō te hiahia kia whakahaere. Me mōhio ia he mea tika kia whai whakaaro ia ki a ia anō, ā, ki te kore e whakatikahia i te wā tika, ka huri tēnei āhua ki ngā tauira whakawhirinaki tahi i roto i te whanaungatanga," te kī a Kavita. 

11. Te whakataurite i a ia ki ngā hoa o mua o tana hoa

Tērā pea ka hiahia nui ia ki te eke ki runga ake i te hoa o mua o tana hoa. Ka hiahia ia ki te whakaatu he pai ake ia i ngā hoa o mua o tana hoa. He maha ngā pātai a ia ki a koe mō tō hoa o mua , engari ehara i te mea kia pai ake te mōhio ki a koe, kia pai ake ai te whanaungatanga. Engari, ko ēnei kōrerorero ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto kino i roto i a ia.

Ahakoa he mea whakamā ki a ia, e kore ia e tuku i tēnei kaupapa kia ngaro, engari ka hoki anō ki te kōrero, me te mea kei te tango i te papaka o te patunga. Kātahi ka whakamahia e ia ngā mōhiotanga kua riro i a ia hei mahi pai ake i ō hoa o mua, hei whakaatu ki a koe ko ia te hoa pai rawa atu i tonoa e koe. Ko te whāinga anō, ko te rapu whakamoemiti, whakaae, me te whakamana.

12. Te tākaro i te kāri patunga

Tērā pea ka tino uaua ki te wahine māharahara te whakaae ki ana hapa, ki ana hē rānei i roto i te whakatau. Koia te take, i tua atu i te tiaki i a ia anō, ka ako hoki ia ki te tākaro i te kāri a te patunga kia tino tika ai kia puta atu ai i ngā āhuatanga e pēhia ana rātou ki te kokonga. I roto i ngā tautohetohe, ka huri pea ia ki te whakama , ka whakaatu i a ia anō he ngoikore, he ngoikore ake, he korekore hoki kia mawhiti atu ai i te kawenga mō ana mahi. Koinei tētahi o ngā tūponotanga matua o te whakaipoipo i tētahi wahine māharahara nā te mea ka arai i te kaha o te tokorua ki te whakatau i ngā pakanga me ngā āwangawanga kei mua i a rātou.

7 Ngā Mea e Mahia ana e Ngā Tāne Hei Whakapoauau i Ngā Wahine

Ki te raru tō hoa wahine, tō hoa wahine rānei i te āwangawanga, tera pea, ahakoa e mōhio ana koe, e kore rānei e mōhio, ka whakanui ake i aua kare ā-roto mā ō whanonga, kupu, me ngā mahi. Ahakoa kāore e taea te whakakore he kawenga tā te katoa ki te whakahaere i ō rātou kare ā-roto, mā te aro ki ngā mea e tino pāngia ana e tō hoa, me te whakarerekē i ō whanonga kia kore ai e whakaoho i a rātou, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i te arai o ngā āwangawanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. 

Ehara i te mea me takahi koe i runga i ngā anga hua manu i te taha o tō hoa, me kore rānei e noho ko koe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi, mā te ngana kia kaua e mahi, e kōrero rānei i ngā mea e ruarua ai ia i a ia anō me tōna uara i roto i tō ao ka tino āwhina. Mō tēnā, me whakapau kaha koe ki te karo i ēnei mea e whitu e mahia ana e ngā tāne hei mea kia kore ai ngā wāhine e māia: 

1. Te teka me te pupuri i ngā mea ngaro

Mena kua pāngia tō hoa e te māharahara, ka uaua ake tana whakawhirinaki ki a koe nā ngā kōrero teka me ngā mea ngaro. Hei tauira, tera pea ka whakaaro koe he teka noa iho te kī atu kei te mahi koe i a koe e noho whakangā ana i te kāinga o tō hoa, ā, ka kore ai e tautohetohe mō te noho tahi mō te wā roa, engari ki te huihuia ēnei kōrero teka, ka raru pea te whakawhirinaki ā muri ake nei.

"Ahakoa ngā kōrero teka iti, ka taea e te whakawhirinaki te whakaiti i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te wā mā te waihanga i te āhua o te koretake i roto i te whanaungatanga. I tētahi atu taha, ka whakatairanga te pono i te whanaungatanga piripono, koinei te tūāpapa o te haumaru i roto i te hononga," te kī a Kavita. 

Pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Hei Whakahoki Mai i te Whakawhirinakitanga i roto i te Hononga Whai Muri i te Kōrero teka

2. Te wareware i a ia

Ko te kore aro o te hoa ki a ia te take e kore ai te wahine e māia i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te āhua nei ehara i te mea nui te kore whakapā atu, te kore whakautu rānei ki ana karere kuputuhi i a koe e pukumahi ana, ki a ia, tērā pea te āhua nei kāore koe e aro nui ki a ia. "Ina kore tetahi hoa e aro ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ka taea e tetahi te whakaaro he iti iho tōna uara, he kore rānei e whai tikanga. Ko ngā whakautu wā tika me te whai whakaaro nui he momo whakamana kare ā-roto," te kī a Kavita.

E kōrero ana tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit mō tōna āwangawanga ina kite ia i te rerekētanga o te auau o tana hoa tāne ki a ia. E mea ana ia, "Āe. Ka tere taku piripono, ā, nā te mea he tangata taunga ahau, ka raru pea taku hinengaro ina kore taku hoa tāne e waea mai ki ahau i ngā wā katoa pērā i tana mahi. Ko te mea e āwhina ana i ahau ko te pupuri i ahau ki ētahi atu mea kia kore ai ahau e whakaaro nui."

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Tauira o ngā whanonga tukino i a koe anō e whakakino ana i ngā whanaungatanga

3. Kāore e whakatairanga i a ia i roto i te taiao pāpori

Ki te hiahia koe kia noho haumaru te wahine i a koe e noho tahi ana, kaua e meinga ia kia whakaaro kāore ia i te nui ina noho tahi koe i roto i te taiao pāpori. "Ko ngā hoa e whakakorekore ana, e wareware ana rānei i tā rātou hoa aroha i roto i ngā taiao pāpori ka waiho rātou kia ahua ngaro, kia kore rānei e whai tikanga," te kī a Kavita.  

Hei tā tātou, i karangahia ia e koe ki te pāti a tō hoa, ā, kei te harikoa ia ki te whai wā pai ki a koe me ō hoa. Heoi, i tō taenga atu ki te hui, ka mau koe ki ō hoa, ā, ka roa te wā ka mōhio koe kua noho noa iho tō kōtiro i te kokonga.

Ae, kāore pea tēnei e tupu mēnā he hoa kē atu āna i te pāti, mēnā rānei he tangata harikoa rawa atu ia. Engari, mēnā kāore ia e mōhio ki tētahi i reira, kāore rānei i te tino hiahia ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, kua whakarērea ia e koe. Kāore tēnei e pai mō tō kōrua whanaungatanga, inā koa mēnā he raruraru whakarērea ia.

Kāore mātou e tono ana kia amohia e koe tāu kōtiro i runga i tō ringa mō te pō katoa, engari kia kaha ki te tirotiro i a ia. Mena he hoa hou kōrua, he pai ake kia ako wawe koe i tēnei. Me titiro tonu ki a ia, me kihi wawe rānei i a ia i ētahi wā, ahakoa kua wehe kē kōrua i tētahi pāti. Ka maioha ia ki tēnā, ā, tera pea ka whakamama i ōna mataku kei ngaro koe.

Pānui e pā ana: Kāore au i te whakaaro kei te aroha ahau ki taku tāne i ēnei rā

4. Kāore e aro nui ana ki ōna whakaaro

"Ki te kore te reo o tētahi e whakanuia, ka ara ake pea ngā kare ā-roto kei te tahahia, kei te whakaitihia rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga," te kī a Kavita. Ka kite koe, ka puta ake te kore māia i roto i te whanaungatanga mēnā ka whakaaro te wahine kāore tana hoa e whakanui ana i ōna whakaaro, kāore hoki e whai whakaaro ki ana hiahia me ana tirohanga i roto i te whakatau i ngā mea e pā ana ki a rāua hei tokorua. 

Kia meinga e koe kia whakaaro ia kāore he wāhi mōna i roto i te whakatau, kei te whakaatu koe kāore he whakaute me te whakawhirinaki o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Mō te wahine kua raru kē i te ruarua mō tōna mana, he mea nui tēnei hei whakaoho i te riri.

5. Kāore koe e kōrero mō tō mua

Ko te tūpato ki ō rātou hītori tētahi o ngā mahi a ngā tāne e whakararuraru ana i ō rātou hoa. Ki a koe, kāore pea ō whanaungatanga o mua e whai tikanga i ēnei rā, engari he mea pai tonu kia tuwhera ki tō hoa. Mā te huna i ngā mea mō tō hītori, te teka rānei mā te wareware , ka whakararuraru noa iho ia mēnā ka kitea e ia i tētahi rā.

"Mā te whakapuaki i tō hītori ka āwhina i tō hoa ki te mārama ki ō wheako me te pānga o ēnei ki a koe, ki tō tirohanga ao rānei. Mā tēnei ka tuwhera te ara mō te hononga hohonu ake, engari ko te whakatū i ngā pakitara kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga piripono he tohu i te kore whakawhirinaki, ka nui ake te āwangawanga," te kī a Kavita. 

Pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu e Pā Ana ō Hononga o Mua ki tō Hononga o Nāianei

6. Te whakataurite i a ia ki ētahi atu

Ina whakarite te tāne i tana hoa ki ētahi atu wāhine—ahakoa he mea āta whakaatu, he mea huna rānei—ka pā nui ki tōna whakaaro ki a ia anō. Mā te kī atu i ngā mea pēnei i te, "He tino hiahia nui ia, me i pērā koe," te whakahua pinepine rānei i ngā āhuatanga o tana hoa o mua, te whakamoemiti rānei i te mahinga whakapakari tinana o tētahi atu wahine i a koe e mōhio ana kei te raru tō hoa i ngā raruraru ahua tinana, ka waiho pea ia kia whakaaro kāore i te pai, kāore rānei i te tika. 

Ahakoa ngā whakataurite kore-waha pērā i te whakanui nui i ētahi atu wāhine i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, ka taea te whakaoho i te kore whakawhirinaki. E kī ana a Kavita, "He pai ake te karo i te mahanga whakataurite nā te mea ka puta he wairua whakataetae i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Me whakatairanga te aroha i te tautoko me te haumaru, kaua te whakataetae."

7. Te kore e wātea ki ngā kare ā-roto

Mā te kore e wātea ngā kare ā-roto ka noho mokemoke te wahine, ka noho mokemoke, ka kore e tino mōhio ki te piripono o tana hoa ki a ia. He tino take tēnei mō te kore e māia. Ina karo te tāne i te whakapuaki i ōna kare ā-roto, ina whakakore i ōna kare ā-roto, ina mutu rānei tana kōrero i te wā o ngā pakanga, ka puta te ruarua me te kore e māia nā te mea e kite ana ngā wāhine i te whanaungatanga piripono hei ine i te kaha o te whanaungatanga.

Tērā pea ka tino mamae te wahine mēnā ka whakapuaki ia i ōna kare ā-roto, i ōna raruraru rānei ki tana hoa, ā, ka kore tana aro, ka whakakore rānei i ōna kare ā-roto. I roto i te wā, ka ārahi pea tēnei kore aroha ki a ia ki te pātai mēnā he tino aro nui tana hoa.

Pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Gaslighting me ngā Huarahi e 5 hei Whakatau i tēnei

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa kore haumaru

Ki te mea he āhua rite ēnei tauira o te koretake o te māia, me whakaaro koe me aha koe. Kāore e taea te whakakore he tino hoha, he tino ngenge hoki te whanaungatanga ki tētahi wahine koretake . Ki te mea kei te pā kino tō whanaungatanga ki tō hauora hinengaro, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te wehe atu, he kōwhiringa tika rawa tēnā, ā, kei a koe te mana ki te mahi me te kore he hara. Heoi, ki te mea e aroha ana koe ki a ia, ā, e hiahia ana koe kia pai ngā mea katoa, he nui te mahi māu ki te whakaaro me pēhea te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa wahine/hoa rangatira koretake. Anei ētahi tohutohu hei āwhina:

1. Waihangahia he wāhi haumaru

Kōrero ki a ia mō ōna āwangawanga, kia māia ai ia ki te whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro ki a koe. He maha ngā wā ka ahua whakamataku ake ō tātou whakaaro kino me ō tātou āwangawanga i roto i ō tātou hinengaro, engari mā te whakapuaki i aua whakaaro ka māmā ake te aro atu. Nō reira, me whakapuaki ia i ōna whakaaro mō ōna āwangawanga me te take.

2. Tāutuhia te pūtake

Kāore te āwangawanga e puta noa mai i te hau kore. He take tonu kei raro e whakaoho ana i tēnei. Kua kōrero kē tātou mō ngā take e puta ai te āwangawanga o te wahine - te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, ngā wheako o mua, te mamae o te ngākau, ngā wheako o te tamarikitanga, hei tauira noa iho. Me whakapau kaha ki te āwhina i a ia ki te tautuhi i te pūtake o ōna kare āwangawanga. Anō nei, ko te kōrero hauora me te pono te mea nui.

3. Tuku tautoko

Kaua e whakama ia mō ōna whakaaro kino me ōna āwangawanga. Engari, me tautoko ia. Me whakaatu ki a ia kei reira koe hei tautoko i a ia mēnā kei te pirangi ia ki te whakaoti i ana raruraru me te arotahi ki te whakapai ake i a ia anō.

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Kaupapa Taketake e 7 o te Tautoko i roto i te Hononga

4. Tautuhia nga rohe

I a koe e ngana ana ki te rapu huarahi hei whakatau i tētahi hoa wahine, i tētahi wahine rānei e māharahara ana, kaua e warewarehia tō ake oranga ngākau me tō oranga hinengaro. Whakatakotoria he rohe whanaungatanga hauora , ā, kia mau tonu te whakatinanatanga kia mārama ai ia ki ngā mea e whakaaetia ana, me ngā mea kāore e whakaaetia.

5. Whakatenatenahia ia kia rapu āwhina

Ahakoa ka taea e koe te tautoko i tō hoa wahine/wahine e māharahara ana ki te whawhai ki te mamae o ōna wheako o mua me te whakaora i a ia, kāore koe i te rite, kāore hoki i te herea ki te "whakatika" i a ia. Ko ia anake ka taea te mahi. Ā, he maha ngā wā ka hiahiatia he āwhina ngaio hei whakatau i tētahi mea tino hohonu. Whakatenatenahia ia kia whiwhi i te āwhina e hiahiatia ana e ia. Mō tēnā, kei konei ngā tohunga hauora hinengaro mohio me te wheako o te rōpū Bonobology hei tautoko i a koe.

Thoughts Final

Nā te mea kua mārama koe ki ngā āhuatanga e whakararuraru ai te wahine i roto i te whanaungatanga, me pēhea hoki te whakatau tika i ēnei whakararuraru, ko te tumanako ka pai ake tō pūkenga ki te whakatere i ngā wero o tō whanaungatanga. Ko te huarahi e hiahia ana koe ki te anga atu i konei he kōwhiringa māu anake. Ahakoa he neke atu i te whanaungatanga, he whawhai rānei ki te hanga hononga hauora me te wahine e arohaina ana e koe, kia mahara ki te whakatairanga i te tiaki i a koe anō me te tiaki i a koe anō.

He rerekē ngā tohu a ngā wāhine? 10 ngā huarahi noa e puta ai

Me pēhea te karo i ngā whanaungatanga e whakakino ana i a koe anō?

10 ngā wāhanga nui o te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.