Kua pātai kē koe i tēnei pātai – he aha te take e aroha ai te tangata? He mea whakamatautau te whakapono ka puta te aroha i roto i te ao tūturu ina whakaohokia e te tangata ētahi homoni i roto i a koe. Engari i tua atu i te oxytocin me ētahi atu matū e whai wāhi ana ki tō oranga aroha, tera ētahi take hohonu he aha te motuhake o ētahi tāngata i ētahi atu – nā te mea ka ea i a rātou ō hiahia kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga.
E ai ki te nuinga o te tangata, ahakoa he hiahia tinana te hiahia, he kare ā-roto noa iho te aroha. Koinei pea te take e kore ai e memeha te wā o te aroha ahakoa ngā whakatūpato a te hunga whakahē me te hunga whakahē. Whakaarohia. Kei te aukati te pikinga ake o ngā keehi whakarere me ngā wehenga kino i te tangata ki te aroha anō… me anō? Kāore. Nā te mea he rerekē ngā matea kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga e akiaki ana i a tātou kia kaua e wehe atu i te haerenga o te aroha.
He aha ngā matea kare ā-roto tino nui e 10 i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E ai ki a Mark Manson, te kaituhi o te pukapuka Emotional Needs in Relationships, ko te angitu o te whanaungatanga i te wā pakeke ka whakawhirinaki nui ki te mahere kare ā-roto o te tamarikitanga. Ae, te pānga o tō whakatipuranga ki ngā whanaungatangaHe rerekē ngā taumata o ngā matea kāore anō kia tutuki i roto i te whanaungatanga, ahakoa ki ngā mātua, ki ngā tuākana, ki teina rānei, ā, ko ia o ēnei wheako ka waiho i tōna tohu hei raupapa o ngā mamae iti e hanga ana, e tautuhi ana hoki i a tātou.
"Ka mau te āhua me te nui o ēnei mamae ki roto i tō tātou hinengaro kore mohio, ā, ka tautuhia e rātou te āhua o tō tātou wheako i te aroha, te whanaungatanga piripono me te taatai," te tāpiri a Manson. Nō reira, ahakoa he rerekē rawa ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o te tāne i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o te wahine, ko te mea nui, ko te harikoa ka tautuhia e te āhua o te whakatutuki, te whakahaere rānei i ēnei hiahia.
Ko ngā kōwhiringa e mahia ana e tātou mō te tangata e arohaina ana e tātou, e marenatia ana, e wehea ana rānei, ka whakatauhia e te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, i te kore rānei o aua hiahia. Ko ngā kare ā-roto he kare ā-roto, ā, ko te āhua o te whakaaweawe i a tātou e ō tātou whanaungatanga mai i roto, ka whakatau i tō rātou angitu. Nō reira, he aha ngā hiahia kare ā-roto matua e 10 i roto i te whanaungatanga e rapuhia ana e tātou katoa? Anei tētahi rārangi whakamātautau me ētahi tohutohu mō ngā mea hei mahi kia tino makona ai tō hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga:
Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Tohu o te Hototahi i waenganui i a Koe me tō Hoa
1. Manaakitanga
"Ko te 'Kei te aroha ahau ki a koe' he nui ake tōna tikanga i te moni," te kī a te toa jazz rongonui a Frank Sinatra i roto i te waiata rongonui a Tell Her. Āe, kotahi te kīanga pai ake i tērā. Koia tēnei "Kei te aroha ahau ki a koe".
Ko te hiahia kia manaakitia koe, koinei pea te pūtake o ngā hiahia kare ā-roto katoa o te whanaungatanga. Ina piripono tātou ki tētahi, kei te hono atu tātou ki a rātou i tētahi taumata hohonu, ā, ko te manaaki te mea nui rawa atu. Me whai wāhi koe ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o ō rātou oranga.
I roto i ngā huarahi maha, ko te kupu 'manaaki' e tohu ana i tētahi momo ngākau aroha ki te whanaungatanga. Ko tōna tikanga he mea nui ki a koe ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa, ā, ka pāngia koe e ō rātou wairua. Ina tīmata te pakaru o tētahi whanaungatanga, ka mutu tō manaaki, ā, koinei te tīmatanga o te mutunga.
Me pēhea te tiaki: Kia noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira ina tino hiahia ia ki a koe, inā koa i te wā e pouri ana ia.
2. Whakarongo
Ko te kōrero pono me te tuwhera te kī ki tētahi whanaungatanga pai, engari ehara i te mea ko te kōrero noa iho te tikanga o te kōrero pai. He mea nui anō hoki te whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa. "E rima tau ahau i roto i tētahi hononga ki tētahi tāne," te kī a Divya Nair, he kaimahi peeke. "Engari nō muri mai ka mōhio ahau ko ia anake te tangata e kōrero ana, ā, i reira noa ahau hei whakarongo ki a ia. I mea ia e aroha ana ia ki ahau, engari i pōuri ahau nā te mea kāore i rangona ahau."
Ko tētahi o ngā matea kāore i tutukihia i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te kore whakarongo mai o te hoa. He ara rua te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ā, me rite koe ki te whakarongo kia rite ki te nui o tō hiahia ki te kōrero. Koinei te kī ki te te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Me pēhea te whakarongo: Tukua tō hoa kia whakaoti i āna kōrero, me mutu, me whakaaroaro i mua i te whakautu. He tohu tēnei kei te whakanui koe i āna kupu.
3. Te Whakawa
E rua ngā mea rerekē te arohaina me te whakaaetia. Ehara te aroha i te kī ka hiahia koe kia huri tō hoa i runga i ō hiahia. Engari, ka whakaaetia ia e koe me ōna ngoikoretanga.
I pāngia a Vandana Shah, he rōia whakarere i Mumbai, e tētahi whakarere whakamataku i ngā tau kua pahure ake nei, ā, ko tētahi o ngā tino take i wehe ai ia ko te kore whakaae mai a tana tāne. "Kāore taku tāne me aku hungawai i hiahia ki tētahi wahine motuhake me te whakaaro motuhake, ā, koinei te tīmatanga o te whakatoi," tana kī.
"Kāore i taea e au te whakarerekē i a au anō, me noho ko au tonu. Nō reira, kāore i miharo kua hinga te marena," te tāpiri a Vandana. Ko te whakaae katoa ki te āhua o te tangata, ki tōna momo noho, ki ōna uara me ōna tikanga tētahi o ngā tino matea kare ā-roto o te whanaungatanga. Ki te kore koe e meinga tō hoa kia whakaaehia mō tōna āhua, kāore rātou e whakaaro he wāhi rātou ki tō ao.
Me pēhea te whakaae: Whakaaturia tō hoa rangatira ki tō whānau me ō hoa, whakaritea ngā mahi tahi, kōrerohia ō whāinga o te ao, ā, rapua ā rātou tohutohu ina hiahiatia.
4. Mauruuru
E kī ana ngā pukapuka āwhina-whaiaro kāore tātou e hiahia ki te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi hei whakamana, ā, ko te aroha ki a tātou anō te momo aroha pai rawa atu. He tika rawa. Engari ko te aroha te tikanga kia tino motuhake tō hoa aroha. Ko te tikanga o tēnā te whakaatu i te maioha ki tō hoa rangatira te hoa rangatira rānei i ngā wā katoa, me te ngākau katoa.
Kāore e taea e koe te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o tō hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore koe e maioha ki ā rātou mahi. E hiahia ana tātou katoa kia mihia ō tātou angitu, ā, ki te kore e whiwhi tika koe i tēnā mai i tō hoa, ka puta he reka kawa i muri mai.
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakamahi i ngā kupu whakaū hei reo aroha?
E ai ki a Malini Bhatia, te kaiwhakaū me te Tumu Whakahaere Matua o Marriage.com, i roto i tētahi tuhinga, ko te mihi tētahi o ngā A e toru i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga (ko ētahi atu e rua ko te mihi me te whakaae). "Hei tangata, e hiahia tonu ana tātou kia arohia pai, ā, ko te mihi ki tētahi te huarahi pai ki te whakatutuki i tēnā."
Me pēhea te whakamihi: Akohia te mihi pono, karohia ngā whakahē koretake, ngā kōrero kino rānei, me te maioha ki te mahi pai i te tari, i te kāinga rānei.
5. Whakahoatanga
He ngāwari pea te kimi i te moe tāne, i te aroha rānei, engari he uaua ake te kimi i tētahi hoa pai – he tangata hei tautoko i a koe i ngā wā pai, i ngā wā pōuri hoki. Hei tauira, i roto i te marena, ko te whai tāne hei hoa pono tētahi o ngā tino matea kare ā-roto o te wahine; mā te tautoko ia e whakapakari mai i roto.
Waihoki, e hiahia ana te tāne kia noho te wahine e moe ai ia hei hoa mōna, kia tū hoki ki tōna taha i ngā wā pai, i ngā wā kino hoki. He mea nui pea te kukume tinana i ngā tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga, engari i te haere o ngā tau, ko te whakahoahoa te mea nui.
Hei tauira, ko Kurt Russell rāua ko Goldie Hawn, he tokorua nō Hollywood, kua noho tahi rāua mai i te tau 1983, ā, kotahi tā rāua tama, ā, i whakatipu rāua i tētahi tamaiti mai i tana marena o mua. "Kua tino pai māua ahakoa kāore māua i te marena," te kī a Goldie i roto i ngā uiuinga maha. He tauira whakamiharo tēnei o te whakahoahoa.
Me pēhea te noho hei hoa pai: Whai wāhi atu ki te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, whakapuakihia ngā hiahia ōrite, whakaarohia hoki he whāinga roa mō te tokorua.
6. Haumarutanga
He hononga tata te haumaru ki te whakawhirinaki, nā te mea ko tētahi o ngā matea kare ā-roto tino nui i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te kore o te haumaru tētahi o ngā tino take e pakaru ai ngā whanaungatanga. Ina piripono koe ki tētahi tangata, e tumanako ana koe kia meinga koe e ia kia mōhio he mea e hiahiatia ana, kia haumaru hoki. whanaungatanga pono he wāhi haumaru, he wāhi hauora hoki mō ngā hoa e rua.
I ngā tau 90, ko Hugh Grant rāua ko Elizabeth Hurley te tokorua rongonui. I whakaaro te katoa he tino pai rāua, engari nā te kore whakapono o Hugh i mutu ai taua pakiwaitara. Kāore he painga o te noho hei hoa aroha nui mēnā me āwangawanga tonu tō hoa mō tō pono ki a ia. Me noho haumaru hoki rāua ki te whakapuaki i ō rāua ngoikoretanga hohonu. Ko te whanaungatanga hauora, harikoa hoki he rite ki te haumaru hinengaro me te haumaru tinana.
Me pēhea te whakarite i te haumaru: Whakautehia ngā rohe o tō hoa, kia pono ki aua rohe, kaua hoki e huna i ngā mea ngaro.
7. Pono
I roto i ngā momo hiahia kare ā-roto o te whanaungatanga, ko te pono te mea nui. Ehara i te mea ko ngā wā anake e whakapuaki ana te tokorua i ō rāua kare ā-roto, i ō rāua whakaaro, i ō rāua whakaaro me ngā mea e pai ana, e kore e pai ana ki a rāua, engari he mea anō hoki e pā ana ki te whakapuaki i ō kōrua whakaaro mō ō kōrua hītori, o nāianei me ā muri ake nei.
E maumahara ana a Divya, te kaipakihi i kōrerotia ake nei, ki ngā kōrero teka i pā tonu ki a ia i roto i tana whanaungatanga. "Nā te mea ko taku hoa anake te tangata e kōrero ana, kāore i a au he huarahi hei whakamana mēnā he pono āna kōrero, he tito noa iho rānei hei huna i ana mahi. Heoi anō, he maha kāore i pērā."
Me mōhio te tangata e hono atu ana ki a koe ki ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki tō kōrua oranga tahi. Heoi anō, he maha ngā tāngata e whakapau kaha ana i te wā e whakaipoipo ana, ā, ka ripeneta i muri mai ina kore ngā mea e puta mai i te huarahi i tumanakohia e rātou.
Me pēhea te pono: Ko ngā kōrero pono, kāore he whakahē te mea e hiahiatia ana. Ā, i ētahi wā, kia rite ki te whakarongo ki ngā pono kino.
8. Whakaute
I roto i te nuinga o ngā hapori tāne me ngā wāhine tuku iho, ko tētahi o ngā matea kare ā-roto o te wahine e kore e arohia ko te hiahia kia whakautehia. Ko te tumanako, ko te marena he hononga ōrite, engari he maha ngā wā ka whai mana tetahi o te hoa i tetahi.
He tino uaua ki te angitu o tētahi whanaungatanga mēnā ka whakaaro tetahi o te hoa kāore ia i te whakautehia, i te whakaitihia rānei i tētahi atu. Ko ngā kupu kino e kōrerohia noatia ana, te kore aro ki te hiahia o te hoa rangatira kia whakarongohia, te whakamutu i a rātou, he mea katoa ēnei. ngā tohu o te kore whakaute e whakakino ana i te whakaaro nui o te tangata ki a ia anō, e whakangaro ana hoki i tō rātou whakapono ki a ia anō.
E ai ki a Vandana, "Ahakoa ngā mea katoa i mahia e au i roto i taku marena, kāore i ranea. Kāore noa iho ōku hungawai i hiahia ki tētahi hunaonga mātau, ā, kāore rawa taku tāne i tautoko i ahau. I tino pāngia ahau e te koretake o te whakaute i a au anō."
Me pēhea te whakaute i tō hoa rangatira: Whakauruhia tō hoa ki te whakatau kaupapa. Akohia te whakahē me te whakaute mēnā kāore ō kōrua whakaaro e ōrite. Kaua rawa e whakaiti i tō hoa, inā koa i mua i te aroaro o ētahi atu.
9. Te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga
Ina aroha koe, ka noho tō hoa hei hoa, hei tangata whakawhirinaki, hei tautoko hoki māu. Nō reira, ko te māramatanga me te whakawhirinaki te mea nui mō te puāwaitanga o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te māramatanga o tō hoa ko te tikanga ka rite ia ki ō whakaaro, ki ō hiahia me ō ngoikoretanga.
Ahakoa he rerekētanga ō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e tino ōrite ana te wairua, mā te kaha o te tangata ki te mārama ki ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi ka āwhina i a rātou ki te wikitoria i ngā wero katoa. Ka mutu te whanaketanga o te whanaungatanga ina kore e mārama tetahi ki tetahi, ina kore rānei e kitea he ōritetanga tetahi ki tetahi.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Tohutohu Matua e 9 hei Hanga Whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā Hononga
Kāore tēnei e puta i te pō kotahi, koia te mea nui kia whakapau kaha, kia whakapau kaha hoki ki te whakawhanake i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei i te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga me whai manawanui me te hiahia ki te mahi kaha mōu ake me tō hoa.
Me pēhea te mārama ake ki tō hoa rangatira: Akohia te whakanoho i a koe ki roto i ōna huānga, me te titiro ki tētahi āhuatanga mai i tōna ake tirohanga. Whakaaetia ngā rerekētanga.
10. Te whakanui i te uara
Ko te whakanui i tō hoa rangatira ko te whakaae ki tā rātou e mahi ana māu, me ā rātou hua ki te whanaungatanga. Ko tētahi o ngā hapa e tino kitea ana e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ko te kore whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō, inā koa kua roa rāua e noho tahi ana.
Ki te whakanui koe i tō hoa rangatira, ka mōhio koe ki ōna matea hinengaro, tinana me te wairua, ā, ka whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatutuki i aua matea. Mā tēnei ka hanga he turanga pakari mō tētahi whanaungatanga.
Ko te tikanga o te whai mana ko te whakawhanake i te aroha ki ngā hiahia kare ā-roto rerekē o tō hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Me whai pūkenga koe ki te whakaaro mai i tā rātou tirohanga, ā, mā tēnei ka āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake, kia atawhai hoki.
Me pēhea te whakanui i tō hoa rangatira: Kia mōhio ki tō hoa rangatira, kia whakaute hoki i a ia. Kia mōhio ki āna mahi katoa māu, ā, kia mihi atu hoki ki a ia mōna.
Mō te whanaungatanga hauora, angitu hoki, me tautuhi ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ō rātou matea kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, me whakapau kaha ki te whakatutuki i ēnei matea tetahi ki tetahi. Ina waiho tēnei hei tikanga māu, ka kitea e koe ka whakakapia aunoatia te riri, te pōuri me ngā kare kino katoa ki te aroha, te aroha me te whakaute.
9 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Whakatipu i te Hononga i ia Rā
6 Ngā Hipanga Hei Mahi Mēnā Kei te Mauheretia Koe i roto i tētahi Hononga
10 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Mēnā Kāore Koe e Manakohia Ana i roto i Tō Hononga
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
