Ina rapu koe i tētahi hoa mō te wā roa, kotahi te āhuatanga e pai ake ana i ngā mea katoa – ko te hototahitanga o ngā whanaungatanga. Mena kua pā ki a koe ngā raruraru o ngā whanaungatanga kore angitu i mua, ka tino mōhio koe ki taku e kōrero nei. Ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi. Ka tere te pao o tō ngākau i roto i te wā poto. Ko rātou katoa ngā mea e rapuhia ana e koe. Ka rere ngā mura ahi. Kāore e taea te pupuri i ō ringaringa tetahi ki tetahi…
Kei te tino pukumahi koe i te aroha pōuri e kahakina ana koe e te aroha. Engari i te mutunga o tēnei whakahihiri, ka mōhio koe he rerekē rawa koe, ā, kāore he whenua ōrite hei hanga hononga. Ka pakaru tō kōrero aroha tino pai pērā i te whare kāri. Koia te mea he mea nui te hototahi i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hei hanga hononga pumau ki tō hoa rangatira.
Engari he aha te hototahitanga? Ko te tikanga o te hototahitanga ko te noho tahi tonu i te whārangi kotahi? Te pai ki ngā mea ōrite me tō hoa aroha? Te whakaoti i ngā rerenga kōrero a tētahi ki tētahi? Hei whakahoki atu i te whakautu, ka wetewetehia e au ngā tohu o te hototahitanga whanaungatanga mā te kōrero tahi me te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Sampreeti Das (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Haumanu me te Kairangahau PhD), he tohunga ki te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto me te Hinengaro Whakaora Whānui me te Whakawhiti.
He aha te āhua o te hototahitanga i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
He uaua te mārama ki te tikanga tuturu o te hononga me te hototahitanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, nā te mea kāore he tangata e tino ōrite ana. Ahakoa ka kitea e koe tētahi e tata ana ki te noho hei hoa tino pai māu, tera tonu ngā rerekētanga.
E tohu ana ēnei rerekētanga kua rahua koe i te whakamātautau hototahi whanaungatanga? Kāore rawa. Nā te mea, kei te rapu koe i tētahi hoa rangatira, ehara i te hoa tāne. Ko te mauri o te hototahi whanaungatanga kei roto i te nui o ō āhuatanga ōrite e nui ake ana i te rerekētanga me te pai o tō hononga ahakoa ngā rerekētanga. Hei whakamārama ake, anei ngā tohu 15 o te hototahitanga kāore e taea e koe te wareware:
1. Ko te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga he tikanga kei te pai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi
Ki taku whakaaro he pai te tūnga o māua ko taku tāne i roto i te whanaungatanga. He maha ngā wā ka pātai mai ngā hoa me ngā whanaunga e tū tata ana ki te whakapūmau i te whanaungatanga, "He aha te mea e mau tonu ai tō kaha? He aha te mea ngaro?" Ko taku whakautu, "E pai ana ahau ki a ia."
He pai ki ahau te noho tahi me ia, ā, e tino hiahia ana ahau ki te noho tahi me ia i te mutunga o tētahi rā roa. Ae, he rerekē ngā mea e rua o te aroha me te pai ki tō hoa rangatira. Ki te pai hoki koe ki te noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira, ā, i te nuinga o ngā rā, e whakaaro ana koe he nui noa iho te noho tahi me tetahi, kāti kei te pai koe i roto i te whakamātautau hototahi whanaungatanga.
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2. Kāore he mea e pēhia ana
E ai ki a Sampreeti, ko tētahi o ngā tohu tōmua o te hototahitanga ko te kore e pēhia tetahi ki tetahi. Ae, i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga, ka whakapau kaha pea koe ki te whakahari i tō hoa, engari kaua e waiho hei tangata ehara koe i te tangata.
"Ina he hototahi te whanaungatanga, kāore tetahi o ngā hoa e whakararuraru ana i a rātou ki te mahi i ngā mea kāore e puta noa mai i a rātou. Ka tipu noa te whanaungatanga, ā, ka kitea e ngā hoa he manawataki me te tere e pai ana ki a rāua," tāna tāpiri.
3. Kāore he wāhi mō te ruarua
Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te hototahitanga e kore e taea te wareware ko tō tino mōhio ki te whanaungatanga. Kāore he ruarua mō te mea he tika tō hoa mōu, he āmua rānei tō whanaungatanga.
Ka uru kōrua ko tō hoa ki te ao o tētahi ki tētahi, pērā i ngā kongakonga pangarau kua tino kōpikopiko. Kāore he tautohetohe, kāore he pakanga wera, kāore he pakanga mana kino e pupuri ana i a kōrua kia mataara, kia whakaaro he aha te mea ka puta i muri mai. Ko te hototahitanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e tohuhia ana e te ahua o te noho humarie ki tā kōrua whakatau ki te whiriwhiri tetahi i tetahi.
4. Mā te hototahitanga o ngā whanaungatanga ka tupu koe
He aha ngā tohu e hototahi ana ia ki a koe, e tika ana rānei ia māu? Mena kei te whakaaroaro koe mō tēnei pātai e pā ana ki tō hoa rangatira, kia aro ki te pānga o ēnei pātai ki tō tirohanga ki a koe anō.
E kī ana a Sampreeti, "Ina he hototahitanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, kāore te tangata e whakaaro kua tahaetia tōna tuakiri. He nui te wāhi mō ngā hoa e rua kia tipu, kia angitu hoki hei takitahi. Kāore he tangata e kukume ana i te tangata ki raro, e aukati ana rānei i a rāua. Engari, ka tautoko kōrua tetahi i tetahi kia noho ko kōrua te putanga pai rawa atu o kōrua."
5. He rite ō koutou whakapono me ō koutou uara
O ngā momo hototahitanga rerekē i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, koinei te mea tino nui mō ngā take e rua – tuatahi, he rite ō whakapono me ō uara, kāore rānei. Ehara i te mea ka taea e koe te whakatipu i roto i te wā. Tuarua, ki te kore koe e rite ki ngā uara matua, ka uaua pea te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau.
I kitea a Marsha rāua ko Dennis i tētahi ara whakawhiti nā te mea kāore i ōrite ā rāua moemoeā mō te heke mai. I hiahia a Marsha ki te moe tāne, ki te whakatū whānau, engari ko Dennis i pai ake ki tētahi whanaungatanga noho tahi, kore tamariki. I kōrero rāua mō tēnei mea, ā, i tautohetohe, i whawhai hoki mō te take, engari i tumanako puku tonu rāua ka tau te hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi.
I muri i ngā tau e rima e noho tahi ana, ka mōhio rāua kāore tetahi o rāua i te rite ki te neke atu i tō rāua tūnga, ā, he rerekē rawa ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e rāua i te ao. Ahakoa te nui o te hītori me te aroha tetahi ki tetahi, i rahua rāua i te whakamātautau hototahi hononga nā te mea kāore ō rāua uara matua i ōrite.
6. He huarahi hauora ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe
Ko te hototahi i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ehara i te mea ka whakaae tahi kōrua ko tō hoa i ngā take nunui, iti hoki, ā, kāore he rerekētanga, he tautohetohe rānei. E ai ki taku kōrero i mua, ehara tō hoa i te tauira o tō hoa, nō reira, he mea koretake te tumanako kia whakaae tonu kōrua.
Nō reira, kaua e manukanuka ki te pātai 'kei te hinga tāua i te whakamātautau hototahi whanaungatanga?' i ia wā ka rerekē ō whakaaro. Ki te hiahia koe ki ngā tohu kore e taea te whakahē mō te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga, tirohia me pēhea e whakatau ai koe i ō raruraru me ō rerekētanga.
Ki te whakamahi koe i ngā rautaki whakatau tautohe hauora pērā i te kōrero tuwhera me te pono, te whakarongo kaha, te manawanui me te kore whakapae hei whakatau i ō raruraru, kia tino mohio koe kei te hototahi kōrua hei tokorua.
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7. He rite tonu ōu āhuatanga ōrite me ōu rerekētanga
Ko te hototahitanga i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei, ko te whakaae tetahi ki tetahi i a kōrua anō. "Ko te tikanga o tēnei, ehara i te mea ko ō kōrua noa iho ngā āhuatanga ōrite me ngā hiahia ōrite, engari ko ngā āhuatanga o ngā tuakiri o tetahi ki tetahi, he rerekē pea i ō kōrua ake," te kī a Sampreeti.
Hei tauira, he tangata eke hōiho nui taku tāne. Ko ia te mea tino harikoa i roto i te taha o ngā hōiho. Nā te nui o te harikoa, i tā māua hui tuarua, i haria ahau e ia ki te hōiho, ā, i pau te wā ki te whakapaipai i tana hōiho. Ko ahau ia, kāore anō kia eke hōiho i roto i tōku ao.
Heoi, i ētahi wā, ka haere tahi māua me ia ina eke hōiho ia. Mā te noho tahi me ngā hōiho ka puta ake he mīharo tamariki i roto i a ia, ā, kua waiho tēnā hei puna harikoa mōku.
8. Ka kitea, ka arohaina hoki ngā āhuatanga rerekē o tētahi ki tētahi
Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te hononga pai me te hototahi i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te noho tahi a ngā hoa e rua me tō rāua ake tuakiri. He mārama katoa te whanaungatanga, ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki te huna i ngā wāhanga kāore i te tino pai o kōrua.
E mōhio ana koe ki te tikanga o tēnā – ka taea e kōrua te kite katoa tetahi i tetahi, tae atu ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē me ērā atu āhuatanga katoa. Ehara i te mea ka pai koe ki ā rātou āhuatanga rerekē anake, engari ka mārama hoki koe ki tā rātou e ahu mai ana, ā, i roto i te huna, ka kitea rātou he ātaahua.
Ahakoa ka hurihia e koe ō kanohi ki waho nā te mea e hiahia ana ia ki te mātaki i tētahi atu kiriata Godzilla i te Rātapu, i roto ia ia, ka mea koe 'āue' me te miharo i te kitenga i tōna mata.
9. Mā te hototahitanga o ngā whanaungatanga ka puta he wairua haumaru
E kī ana a Sampreeti, "Ina he hototahi ngā whanaungatanga, kāore he wāhi mō te koretake, te hae rānei. He wairua haumaru e puta mai ana i te whakaae katoa tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kāore he manukanuka mō te whakakorenga ohorere."
Kāore tō hoa e whakararuraru i a koe – ahakoa he mea āta whakaarohia, kāore hoki i te āta whakaarohia – ā, pērā anō hoki. Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā kei te tino haumaru koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga?
Anei tētahi whakamātautau hototahi whanaungatanga māu: me kī, ka mahue i tō hoa tā rātou waea pūkoro i a rātou e mahi ana i tētahi mahi, e whakakorikori tinana ana, e kaukau ana rānei. He aha tāu mahi? Ka tirohia pukutia e koe te waea pūkoro a tō hoa , ka tirohia hoki ā rātou karere, ā rātou mahi pāpāho pāpori, me ā rātou īmēra?
Kāore rānei taua whakaaro i roto i tō hinengaro? Ehara i te mea ka whakaarohia e koe, kātahi ka ārai i a koe anō hei whakaute i te tūmataitinga o tō hoa, engari kāore koe e whakaaro ki te tirotiro i tā rātou waea nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia ana ki te mahi pera. Mena koinei te mea whakamutunga, ka taea e koe te tatau i tēnei hei tohu o te hototahitanga e kore e taea e koe te wareware.
10. He wāhi hauora kei roto i te whanaungatanga
Kua hē te whakakino i te wāhi whaiaro i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ko te hiahia ki te whai wā ki te whakaputa i te riri, ki te poipoi i ō hiahia takitahi, ki te hono atu rānei ki ngā hoa me te whānau ehara i te mea he āhuatanga noa iho, engari he pai hoki mō te hononga o te tokorua.
Koia te take he tohu tōmua te wātea o te noho tahi i waenganui i te tokorua. Mēnā kāore tetahi o kōrua e hiahia ana ki te mahi tahi i ngā mea katoa, kāore rānei tetahi e pōuri ina hiahia tetahi ki te wā mōku ake, kei roto kōrua i tētahi hononga pakari, hototahi hoki.
11. He wāhanga matua te whakawhirinaki mō te hototahitanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
E kī ana a Sampreeti, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te hototahitanga o tētahi whanaungatanga ko te whakawhirinaki i waenga i ngā hoa. He pumau tonu tēnei whakawhirinaki ahakoa ngā whanonga, ngā āhuatanga rānei, tae noa ki te wā e taea ai te matapae nā te mea e mōhio ana kōrua tetahi ki tetahi."
Mā tēnei taumata whakawhirinaki teitei ka whakapakari ake i tō kōrua hononga. Ka pupuri ringa kōrua ko tō hoa, ka piri tahi i roto i ngā wā pai, i ngā wā uaua, ehara i te mea nā te mea koinā te mea e tumanakohia ana i a kōrua, engari nā te mea e hiahia ana kōrua. Nā tēnei whakawhirinaki, ka taea e kōrua te rere i roto i te whanaungatanga ahakoa he iti te kaha e hiahiatia ana hei ārahi i tō kōrua whanaungatanga i roto i ngā wai pōrearea.
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12. E whakaute ana koutou tetahi ki tetahi
Ko te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i te wairua whakaute hohonu, ā, e whakakaha ana i tēnā. Ko ngā hoa e hototahi ana e mārama ana tetahi ki tetahi, ā, koia rātou e kore ai e kukume tetahi i tetahi ki raro. Ahakoa kāore koe e whakaae ki ngā kōwhiringa, ki ngā whakataunga rānei a tō hoa, kaua e whakahē i a rātou, nā te mea ka taea e koe te maioha ki te mea kei te mahi rātou i tetahi mea, me tino nui ki a rātou.
I roto i te poto, kei roto kē i tō kōrua hononga ngā āhuatanga katoa o te whakawhanake i te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga . Ehara i te mea kāore koe e whakapuaki i ō whakaaro mēnā kāore koe e whakaae ki ngā kōwhiringa a tō hoa. Heoi, me mahi koe i tēnei me te kore e whakaiti, e whakaiti rānei i a rātou.
13. Ka whakapau kaha koe mō tō whanaungatanga
Ehara te hototahitanga i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei i te tīkiti koura, ina kitea, ka noho pai mō te toenga o te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua. E mōhio ana ngā hoa e hototahi ana tetahi ki tetahi ki tēnei.
Ahakoa kua ono marama, kua ono tau rānei kōrua e noho tahi ana, ka whakapau kaha kōrua kia mau tonu te hou me te mura o te whanaungatanga. Mai i te pupuri i ngā tikanga iti pēnei i te kihi i te pō ki te tūhura i ngā mahi me ngā hiahia hou hei whakawhanaungatanga, ka whai whakaaro ōrite kōrua ki te whakapakari i tō kōrua hononga.
14. E mārama ana koe ki ngā mea kāore i kōrerotia
Ko te āheinga ki te mārama ki ngā mea kāore i te kōrerotia tētahi o ngā tohu tino kaha o te hototahitanga e kore e taea te wareware. E kī ana a Sampreeti, "Ko te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kore-waha i waenganui i ngā hoa he tika tonu."
Ka taea e koe te ine i te wairua o tō hoa rangatira mā te titiro ki tōna mata i te meneti e hikoi ana ia i te tatau i te mutunga o tētahi rā mahi uaua. Mēnā he mea kei te whakararuraru i a ia, pātai atu ki a ia, "He aha te raruraru, e hine?" me te kore e kī atu ia ki a koe he kino te rā i pā ki a ia.
Hei tauira, kei te pāti kōrua, ā, ka tino hoha kōrua. Mā te titiro kotahi ki tō mata mai i tērā taha o te rūma ka mōhio tō hoa kei te hiahia nui koe ki te puta atu i taua wāhi. I roto i ngā wā poto, ka rapua e rātou he whakamārama, ka haria koe kia matara atu i te mamae o te whakahoahoa ā-ture.
15. Kei te mura tō matū moepuku
Ko te aroha ā-tinana me te piripono ā-ira ki tō hoa he whakaaturanga o te nui o tō kōrua aroha me tō kōrua hiahia tetahi ki tetahi. Ka taea e ēnei whakaaturanga te ahu mai i te pupuri ringa ki te kihi ki te aroha porangi, hihiri; ko te mea nui kia noho tonu ēnei i roto i tētahi āhua me tētahi taumata i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
Hei whakarāpopototanga, ka tupu te hototahitanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i runga i te mura o te ngākau i waenganui i ngā hoa. Tērā pea ka rerekē te kaha o tēnei mura i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te whanaungatanga, engari kei reira tonu, ā, e kitea ana.
Ki te kite koe i ēnei tohu o te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga i roto i tō hononga ki tō hoa, kia mōhio koe kua kitea e koe te mea tika mōu. Kia mau ki a koe anō me ō mea katoa. I tētahi atu taha, ki te kore, me whai wā ki te aromatawai mēnā ka taea e koe te mahi ki te whakatipu i te hototahitanga o te whanaungatanga. Mena he rite ō tirohanga, uara, me ngā whāinga o te ao, ka taea e koe te mahi kia pai ake te hototahitanga hei hoa.
FAQs
Ahakoa e pai ana ngā whanaungatanga kore e taurite, kāore e maha ngā wā ka puta mai he harikoa, he wairua whai hua rānei. Ki te kore kōrua e taurite hei hoa rangatira i te taumata taketake, tera pea ka kitea tō kōrua whanaungatanga e ngā āhuatanga kino pērā i te mana taha-kore, te utu wera-mātao, te whakawhanake i ngā waewae makariri, me te whakaatu i ngā tohu tawhito o te mataku ki te whakapau kaha.
Ko te tikanga o te hototahi i roto i te whanaungatanga he rite ngā uara, ngā whāinga, ngā tirohanga, ngā mea e pai ana, me ngā mea e kore e pai ana ki ngā hoa tokorua. I taua wā anō, he ngākau nui ki te whakaae me te awhi i ngā rerekētanga o tētahi ki tētahi me te kore he mauahara, he mauahara rānei. I roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, ka tipu, ka ora ngā hoa tokorua, ngātahi, takitahi hoki.
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