7 Ngā Tohu mō te Wehenga me Mōhio Koe

He uaua te aroha me te marena. I a tātou e whakatere ana i roto i tēnei hononga, ka kitea tātou i ētahi wā kei te huarahi e hinga ai te aroha, e pau noa rānei. Tērā pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu o te wehenga. He tino uaua te mutunga o tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, he nui te mamae ka pā mai.

Ahakoa te mamae nui, kei te piki haere tonu ngā tatauranga whakarere. E ai ki ngā tuhinga whakarere hou kua whakaputaina ngā tatauranga mai i te CDC mō te tau 2020, ko te auau whakarere he 2.3 mō ia 1,000 taupori (45 Whenua e pūrongo ana me DC). E ai ki te tatau anō o ngā raraunga ōrite e Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, i ia 42 hēkona, kotahi te whakarere i Amerika, arā, e 86 ngā whakarere i ia hāora.

I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka kōrerohia e te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu mō te whara Anushtha Mishra (MSc., Counseling Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakarato rongoā mō ngā āwangawanga pēnei i te whara, ngā take whanaungatanga, te pouri, te manukanuka, te pouri, me te mokemoke me ētahi atu, e tuhituhi ana mō te whakarere me ngā tohu nui rawa atu o te whakarere.

Ka taea e koe te mōhio mēnā kua tata te wehenga

He rerekē ia marena, ia tāne, ia wahine rānei, nō reira he rerekē ngā āhuatanga me ngā āhuatanga e pā ana ki te whakarere. Heoi anō, he iti noa ngā tohu e tohu ana kei te heke te pai o tō marena, kei te huri hei whanaungatanga kino, ā, kei te whakaatu i ngā tohu tōmua o te whakarere.

Ina kore tō hoa e pono, e mauahara, e kore rānei e aro mai i te nuinga o te wā, me mōhio pea koe he tohu tēnei mō te wehenga e haere mai ana. Waihoki, ina ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga Ki te tīmata te aranga ake o te whanaungatanga, e tohu ana kāore tetahi o kōrua e harikoa ana, e hiahia ana rānei ki te whai wāhi ki te mōhio ki ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira, e mōhio ana kōrua kei te tata te whakarere.

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tōmua o te wehenga ko te kore harikoa, ā, kāore te whanaungatanga e pai ki a koe. Mena kei te puta he raruraru nui, he raruraru tonu i roto i tō marena, he take nui tēnei māu ki te wehe atu.

Anei ētahi tohu ngawari hei mōhio māu mēnā kei te tata te whakarere. I ētahi wā, mā te mōhio ki ēnei tohu ka whai wā koe ki te whakatika i te pakaru me te huri i tō whanaungatanga kia pai ai māu me tō hoa rangatira.

7 Ngā Tohu mō te Wehenga me Mōhio Koe

I te nuinga o te wā ka rongo te tangata i te pouri i roto i tā rātou marena, ka pātai pea rātou mēnā kei te pirangi rātou ki te noho pūmau ki taua whanaungatanga. Nō reira, mā te rapu i ngā tohu mō te whakarere ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau whai whakaaro mō te heke mai o tō marena.

Heoi, me mārama, ehara i te mea ko te whakarere anake te huarahi e puta ai ēnei tohu. He maha ngā huarahi ka taea e koe te whakatika i te pakaru mena kei te hiahia koe ki te whakapakari i te marena. i tētahi huarahi e ea ai ngā hiahia me ngā wawata o ngā hoa e rua.

Anei ētahi tohu e whitu mō te whakarere me aro atu koe ki ēnei, kia kore ai e taea e koe te whakahaere noa i tō marena, engari kia taea ai hoki e koe te whakatau i te mea pai mōu me tō whanaungatanga.

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1. Te kore o te whanaungatanga

Ka pakaru tō kōrua whanaungatanga mēnā kāore he whanaungatanga piripono. Te kore o te whanaungatanga Ahakoa he pānga ā-hinengaro, ā-tinana rānei, ka ngaro pea te hononga ki tō hoa rangatira. Ka taea e tēnei te ara ake ki te wehe atu i te marena, ā, ka waiho pea koe kia kore e arohaina, kia kore hoki e māia.

He maha ngā take ka puta ai tēnei. Ka puta te korenga o te whanaungatanga nā te ahotea, te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, te whakakorenga, te riri e puta mai ana i ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, me te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, koinei te mea nui hei whakahaere i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko ngā toronga poto e noho puku ana ngā hoa, ehara i te tohu raruraru, engari ki te roa ēnei toronga mō ngā marama me ngā tau, tera pea kua tae te marena ki te mutunga o tōna oranga.

Tērā pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu matua mō te whakarere. I roto i te Rapu 2012 Nā Hawkins, Willoughby, rāua ko Doherty, i uiuitia tētahi tauira o ngā mātua whakarere e 886, ā, i kitea e rātou ko tētahi o ngā tino take o te whakarere ko te kore o te whanaungatanga piripono, e ai ki te tuhinga, "te tipu haere o te wehenga" (55%).

2. Te whakahē tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga

Ko te tuatahi o nga tokowha nga kaieke hoiho – e whā rānei ngā whanonga kino ka kino ai te whanaungatanga, e ai ki te tohunga hinengaro o Amerika, ki a Tākuta John Gottman – ko te whakahē tētahi o ngā tohu nui rawa atu mō te whakarere. He mahi tēnei e kitea ai he raruraru i roto i te whanaungatanga, kātahi ka hurihia hei kōrero mō ngā hapa o tō hoa. Ko "Ngā wā katoa" "kāore rawa" ngā kupu noa i roto i te papakupu o ngā whakahē e whakaahua ana i tētahi mea i mahia, i mahia rānei e tō hoa.

He mea nui kia mōhiotia he rerekē te whakahē i te amuamu. He āhuatanga noa, he āhuatanga hauora hoki ngā amuamu o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka arotahi ki tētahi take tūturu, ko te whakahē ia ka whakaeke i te āhua katoa o te tangata kē.

Ko te raruraru o te whakahē, ina horapa whānuitia, ka whai ake ko ngā whakahē whakamate rawa atu – te whakahawea (ka kōrerohia atu tēnei i te wāhanga e whai ake nei). Ka taea e ia te waiho i tō hoa rangatira kia pōuri, kia whakakahoretia, kia mamae hoki. He rite tonu ki tētahi huringa e hokihoki haere ana me te nui haere o te auau me te kaha e arahi ana ki te whakahawea.

3. Te whakahawea ki tō hoa rangatira

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui rawa atu o te whakarere, te tuarua rānei o ngā kaieke hoiho, ko te whakahawea. Ko te kōrero me te whakahawea ko te whakaatu i te kore whakaute pono ki tō hoa rangatira mā te tawai, te whakatoi, te whakakatakata, te karanga ingoa, me te whaiwhai. Ko te tikanga kia whakahaweatia, kia koretake hoki tō hoa rangatira.

He maha ngā wā ka whakamahia te kupu whakahawea hei whakaaro he rangatira ake i tētahi hoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, he rerekē tēnei i te whakahē. I ahu mai i ngā whakaaro kino mō tō hoa. Ina whakaatu te tangata i te whakahawea, kei te whakaatu ia i tōna koretake mā te whakama me te whakamahi i te whakatoi kino hei whakaiti i tōna hoa.

Ka rite te whakahawea ki ngā kōrero pēnei i te, "Kua 'ngenge' koe? Karanga mai. Kāore he wā mōku ki te mahi tahi me ngā tamariki. He nui ake tō aroha?" "Āe, ko te tikanga, ka hikoi ahau ki roto i tētahi whare paru i muri i tētahi rā roa. He aha atu taku e tumanako ai i tētahi tangata pēnei i a koe?"

E ai ki a Gottman rangahau mai i te 1994, ko te whakahawea te tohu matua mō te whakarere i roto i ngā tau tuatahi e ono o te marena. He maha atu anō ngā rangahau a ngā kaituhi i whai i te whakatau kotahi, ā, i whakaū i ngā kitenga a Gottman.

4. He tohu kaha te tiaki i te whanaungatanga mō te whakarere

Ko te tuatoru o ngā kaieke hōiho e whā, he tohu whakamīharo mō te whakarere, ko te tiaki i a tātou anō. He urupare tēnei ki ngā whakahē i te nuinga o te wā. Ina whakaaro tātou kei te whakapaetia hētia tātou, ka rapu tātou i ngā take hei whakaari i a tātou anō hei patunga, hei whakaari rānei i a tātou anō he kuware/harakore kia hoki whakamuri ai tō tātou hoa.

Heoi, kāore tēnei e angitu. Ko tā tātou tiaki i a tātou anō he whakaatu noa iho ki ō tātou hoa kāore tātou e aro nui ana ki ā rātou āwangawanga, ā, kāore hoki tātou e pai ki te tango i te kawenga mō ā tātou hapa.

Ahakoa he mea maori, he mea mārama hoki te tiaki i a koe anō mēnā ka pāngia koe e te whakaekenga, kāore tēnei huarahi e puta ai te hua e hiahiatia ana. Ka whakanui noa iho i te pakanga nā te mea he huarahi whakapae tēnei ki tō hoa, ā, kāore e taea te whakatau pakanga hauora.

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5. Ka taea e te aukati i te marena te pakaru

Ko te tuawhā o ngā kaieke hoiho, he tohu pea tēnei mō te wehenga e haere mai ana, ko te ārai i te whanaungatanga. Pērā i te ārai i te whakahe, ko te ārai i te whanaungatanga he whakautu ki te whakahawea. Koinei tonu te āhua o te kōrero – ka tīmata tetahi o ngā hoa rangatira ki te mahi pērā i te taiepa kohatu i waenganui o te kōrero, e whakaatu ana i te wehenga katoa mai i te kōrero. Mā tēnei ka tukuna te karere ki te hoa rangatira kē atu kāore tā rātou hoa rangatira e aro ki a rātou.

Ka roa te wā kia nui ai te ahotea me te taumahatanga o ngā pānga kino i puta mai i ngā kaieke hoiho tuatahi e toru, kia nui ai te taumahatanga. taiapa kohatu He āhua mārama te putanga. Heoi, ki te pērā, ka noho hei tikanga kino, ā, ehara i te mea ngāwari ki te whakamutu. He hua tēnei o te waipuke o te kare ā-roto, ā, kāore e taea te kōrero whakaaro nui tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka noho hei tetahi o ngā tohu nui rawa atu mō te whakarere.

Tērā pea ka puta mai i te wehenga tinana, i te kati rānei i te tangata. Ka taea hoki te mārama ko te "whakamaoritanga wahangu". He ngana kore angitu tēnei ki te whakamarie i a koe anō ina taumaha rawa, engari ka waiho te hoa rangatira kia noho motumotu, kia whakahēngia, kia matara atu hoki. Ko te tangata e tahuri ana ki te ārai i a ia anō ka kitea he tangata whakakake.

6. Ko te marena taiohi tētahi o ngā tohu o te wehenga

rangahau e whakaatu ana ko te tau i te wā o te marena tetahi o ngā tohu o te whakarere, ā, he nui ake te mōrearea o te whakarere mō ngā wahine marena me ngā tāne marena taiohi. Te New York Times e kī ana kua whakaatuhia e ngā rangahau he rua, he toru rānei ngā wā ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka mutu te whakarere i roto i ngā marena taiohi i ngā marena i waenga i te hunga 25 tau te pakeke, neke atu rānei.

He nui ake te tūponotanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine taitamariki ki te wehe kē atu nā te mea he rerekē ngā wawata me ngā hiahia o te tokorua. Nā te mea he taitamariki rawa rātou, kāore pea i whai wāhi ki te kite ko wai rātou, me ā rātou whāinga me ngā wawata. I taua wā anō, kāore anō kia tino mārama ki a rātou he aha tā rātou e hiahia ana mō tō rātou hoa rangatira.

He torutoru noa ngā tau e toe ana ki a rātou hei whakaoti i tā rātou mātauranga, kātahi ka noho ki te ao ngaio, nō reira kei te hanga tonu rātou i ō rātou whakaaro me ā rātou ariā. I a rātou e tipu ake ana, e pakeke haere ana, e whanake haere ana, ka rerekē rawa pea ō rātou tirohanga ki te ao. Ko te whakatau i tētahi whakatau nui pērā i te marena me te whakatipu whānau i te wā taiohi ka uaua rawa ki te pupuri i roto i te wā roa.

7. Ka taea hoki e ngā āhuatanga pūtea te wawahi i te marena

Tetahi o ētahi rangahau e whakaatu ana i te hononga kaha i waenga i te koretake o te ōhanga o te whare me te whakarere. Ko te uauatanga pūtea tētahi o ngā tohu kaha o te whakarere, engari ko te pumau o te ōhanga o te whānau ka taea te whakaiti i te mōrearea o te whakarere.

Ina kore e taea e te tokorua te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia o te whānau i roto i ngā āhuatanga pūtea, ka puta he kore pumau ki te marena, ā, ka waiho hei tohu mō te wehenga. Ko te nuinga o te wā, ko te uauatanga pūtea e pā ana ki te tūranga mahi a te tāne.

A 2016 Ako Harvard, whakaputaina i roto i te Arotakenga Aromatawai Amerika, e kī ana ko te wehewehenga o te mahi tētahi o ngā tohu o te whakarere. Ko te kore mahi wā-katoa a ngā tāne e hono ana ki te nui ake o te mōrearea o te whakarere. He maha ngā tikanga o ngā whakatupuranga o mua kua memeha engari ko te tāne te tikanga e mau tonu ana.

Ki te kitea e koe kei roto i tō marena tētahi o ngā tohu o te wehenga kua whakahuatia ake nei, kaua e whakaaro kua hinga tō whanaungatanga. Hei peia atu i ngā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino me ngā tauira taupatupatu, me whakakapi e koe ki ngā mea hauora, whai hua.

Ae, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakarere engari i ētahi wā koinei pea te kōwhiringa pai rawa atu e wātea ana, inā koa he mārama ngā āhuatanga. ngā tohu e tata ana te whakarere. Ki te mea kua whakatau kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira kia haere tonu, me whakapau kaha ki te wikitoria i tēnei wā uaua, kia noho pūmau hoki ki a kōrua anō.

Kia maumahara ki tēnei kīanga nā Taylor Jenkins Reid, "I ētahi wā, ehara te whakarere i te mate nui rawa atu. I ētahi wā, he tokorua noa iho e ara ake ana i te kohu."

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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