He tino uaua te whakatau i te mutunga o te marena. Ki te mea kei te uaua koe ki te whakaae kua mutu tō marena, ā, me whakarērea e koe te hoa rangatira e arohaina ana e koe, kia mōhio koe kāore koe i te mokemoke. He maha ngā piki me ngā heke o ia marena, ā, e kīia ana ki a tātou ko ngā hoa rangatira o te ao ka taea te tu atu i aua āwhā.
Koia te take ko te wāhanga tino uaua, i ētahi wā, ko te ngana ki te whakaaro mēnā kua tae ki te wā hei whakarērea tētahi marena kino, mēnā rānei kua pāngia kōrua e tētahi atu wā uaua me mahi tahi kōrua.
I roto i te pukapuka Ngā Tohu Kua Mutu: He Aratohu Āwhina Whaiaro hei Mōhio Āhea Kua Mutu Tō Hononga, Tō Mārenatanga rānei, me te Aha Hei Mahi Mōna E mea ana te kaituhi a Denise Brienne, "Ka piki, ka rere, ka huri ngā whanaungatanga, ā, i ētahi wā ka rite aua huringa ki te mutunga, i te mea kāore i te tino mutunga. Engari i ētahi wā, ko te mea e rite ana ki te tere tere iti ka huri hei wehenga mamae kāore koe i whakaaro kei te haere mai."
Ahakoa kei reira ngā tohu e heke haere ana te marena, ko te mea tino uaua ko te whakaae kua mutu te marena, ā, me whakamutu te marena i runga i te rangimārie. He wā anō he pai ake te tuku i te marena i te tohe tonu, me te whakaae ki te whakarere ahakoa kāore koe e hiahia.
Hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama mēnā kua tae te wā ki te whakarērea te hoa rangatira e arohaina ana e koe, ka ngana mātou ki te mārama āhea te mutunga o tō kōrua marena, me te aha ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakaae ki tēnei meka.
Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kua mutu tō marena?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Maramatanga ina to kua mutu te marena He mahi whakamataku pea. He mea noa te moumou taima a te tangata i roto i ngā whanaungatanga pouri nā te mea e tumanako ana rātou ka pai ake ngā mea i tētahi rā. Engari i ētahi wā, kei te whiua noa e koe he hōiho mate, ā, ka pāngia tō harikoa me tō oranga.
Ko te tohunga hinengaro rongonui o Amerika, a Tākuta John Gottman, kua neke atu i te 40 tau e tohutohu ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, kua taea e ia te matapae i te whakarere me te 90% te tika. Ko ana matapae e ahu mai ana i tana tikanga e kiia nei e ia ko te Tokowha nga Kaieke hoiho o te Apocalypse ā, ko ērā – ko te whakahē, ko te whakahawea, ko te tiaki i a rātou anō me te ārai kōhatu.
I roto i tana pukapuka He aha i angitu ai, i hinga ai rānei ngā marena, e kī ana a Tākuta Gottman ko te whakahawea te tohu nui rawa atu mō te whakarere, nā te mea ka whakakino i te marena. Ko te whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi he tohu kei te kore te whakaute me te whakamoemiti i roto i te marena.
Mena kei a kōrua ko tō hoa te nuinga o ēnei āhuatanga, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaae kua mutu te marena. Haunga te whakahawea, he aha ngā tohu i roto i tō marena e tohu ana kua tae ki te wā mo te whakarere? Kia kōrero atu mātou ki a koe.
Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato Kei te Pakaru Koe i roto i tō Mārenatanga
1. Te noho rite ki te tangata takakau
Ko tētahi tohu whakatūpato mō te whakarere ko te maha o ngā wā ka whakarite mahere kōrua ko tō hoa, kāore tetahi e uru atu. Ahakoa he pai ki a kōrua ko tō hoa te whai i ō kōrua ake rōpū hoa, ko te nuinga o te wā ka whiriwhiri koe ki te noho tahi me ngā hoa kaua ki tō hoa, ko te tikanga kei te noho tahi tētahi, kei te noho tahi rānei kōrua. te whakarere i te marena.
He uaua pea te whakaae ki te mutunga o tō kōrua marena, engari ki te kore tō hoa e pai ki te whakapau i te wā e noho tahi ai kōrua, me tuku pea e kōrua te hoa rangatira e arohaina ana e kōrua.
2. He mea e pai ana ki a koe te tinihanga
Ahakoa te hunga kua marenatia, ka moemoeā tonu rātou mō ētahi atu tāngata, engari kāore rawa rātou e moemoeā ki te tinihanga i te hoa e arohaina ana e rātou. He mea whakahari noa iho ngā moemoeā e pārekareka ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ētahi wā.
Ki te kore te tinihanga e waiho hei moemoeā noa iho, ā, ka waiho hei mea e pai ana ki a koe, he tohu pea tēnei kei te whakarērea e koe tō marena. Ahakoa he rerekētanga nui i waenga i te tinihanga me ngā whakaaro ki te tinihanga, he tohu tonu ēnei whakaaro mō te marena kāore i te harikoa.
Ki te kite koe i te nuinga o te wā e hiahia ana koe ki ētahi atu tāngata, me whakaae koe kāore he turanga pai mō tō marena.
3. Ngā pūtea ngaro, kāore i te mārama
Ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato kei te tata te whakarere, ko te tīmatanga o ngā whakataunga pūtea a tētahi, a rāua rānei, me te kore kōrero tahi. Kia mārenatia kōrua, ka pāngia tetahi e tetahi ngā whakataunga a tō hoa rangatira, e ia whakatau rānei.
I roto i te marena hauora, he mea nui te whakamahere pūtea. Ka mahi tahi ngā hoa e rua ki te whakatau i ngā whakapaunga, ngā penapena, te hanga rawa, me ērā atu mea. Ki te kore tō hoa e whakamōhio atu ki a koe mō ēnei mea, he tohu kino tēnei me whakaae koe kua mutu tō marena.
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4. Ka hoha koe i te whakaaro ki tō hoa
I te tīmatanga o tō marena, kāore pea koe i tatari kia hoki ki te kāinga kia kite i tō hoa. Nā te whakaaro ki a rātou koe i hari ai. He tohu tēnei mō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, e tino hiahia ana koe ki te noho tahi me tō hoa.
Heoi, ki te whawhai tonu kōrua, ki te roa rānei te wā e whawhai ana kōrua, ka pāngia kōrua e te hoha, te whakarihariha hoki ki te whakaaro ki tō hoa, ki te noho tahi rānei me ia.
Ka tupu noa tēnei i roto i te marena kāore i te harikoa, kāore hoki he heke mai.
5. Kāore te whakarere i te tūpono noa iho
I ētahi wā ka mura ngā tautohetohe, ka kōrero kino pea kōrua ko tō hoa tetahi ki tetahi, engari kāore i te āta whakaarohia. I ētahi wā ka whakawehi koe i te whakarere, ā, ina kōrero koe i aua kupu, ka hiahia koe kia whakahokia mai aua kupu.
Heoi, i tētahi rā, ka kitea pea e koe, ina kīia aua kupu, ko te tikanga o tō kōrero. Ki te mea kei taua wā koe, ina tino hiahia koe ki te kōrero. te whakaaro ki te whakarere ā, i te wehenga atu i tō hoa rangatira, kāore he wāhi e toe ana mō te koretake. Kua tae te wā ki te whakaae kua mutu tō kōrua marena.
Me pēhea te whakaae kua mutu tō marena?
Ko te whakamutu i te marena te wāhanga tuatahi noa iho o te tukanga. Ko tētahi atu wāhanga ko te whakaae kua mutu te marena, me te neke atu. Ahakoa kua tukuna e koe te hoa rangatira e arohaina ana e koe, tera pea he uaua ki a koe te wareware i ō rātou maharatanga, ā, tera pea ka ngaro tonu koe i a rātou.
He hoa aroha o te kura tuarua a Angela Stewart rāua ko Ralph Wilson (i hurihia te ingoa), ā, i moe rāua, kātahi ka wehe i muri i ngā tau e toru. I mea a Angela, "Kotahi noa te tangata i mōhio ahau mō tōku ao katoa, ko Ralph. Kāore e taea e au te wareware i ngā maharatanga katoa i hangaia e māua mō te wā roa. I ngā wā katoa e kai ana ahau i tana kai tino pai, e mātaki ana i tana whakaaturanga tino pai, e tūtaki ana rānei ki ō māua hoa noa, ka raru tonu ahau i ōku kare ā-roto."
Ahakoa tana tinihanga, i pai ahau ki te muru i a ia, me te whakaora i tā māua marena. Engari i tohe tonu taku tāne ki tana hiahia kia whakarerea. I roa te wā i mua i taku whakaae he mea kore e taea te karo i te whakarere.
Ahakoa he āhua hinengaro tūturu tēnei, he āhuatanga hauora hoki, ā, me mahi koe kia puta atu i tēnei āhuatanga. Kāore e taea e koe te tuku i tō hoa rangatira kia aukati i a koe ki te noho i tō oranga pai rawa atu i muri i te mutunga o te marena.
Hei āwhina i a koe ki te ahu whakamua i tēnei taha, anei ētahi tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te tino whakaae kua mutu tō marena.
Te pānui e pā ana: He pono te ngaungau o te whanaungatanga whitu tau?
1. Whakaaetia ō kare ā-roto
He rerekē ngā tauhohenga a ia tangata ina whakarērea te marena kino. He uaua ki ētahi te whakarērea te marena kino, ko ētahi ia e harikoa ana kua wehea rātou i ō rātou hoa rangatira.
Ahakoa kei hea koe i tēnei taumata, ko te huarahi anake hei tuku tika i tētahi marena kino ko te whakaae pono ki ō kare ā-roto. Kia tae rā anō ki te wā e mārama ai koe ki ō kare ā-roto pono ka taea e koe te tīmata i te tukanga whakaora me te neke atu ki te upoko e whai ake nei o tō oranga.
2. Kia mōhio koe kāore e taea e tō hoa te whakarato i tāu e hiahia ana
Hei whakarērea i tētahi marena kino, me mārama koe kāore e taea e tō hoa te whakarato i te momo tautoko kare ā-roto me te aroha e hiahiatia ana e koe. Kia whakaaetia e koe tēnā, ka tīmata koe ki te mōhio kāore koe e hiahia kia makona, kia harikoa rānei tō hoa.
He whakatau mamae te whakamutu i te marena, engari ki te noho tonu koe i roto i te marena pouri ka waiho koe kia ngenge, kia pouri hoki.
He pai ake te whakarērea o tētahi marena kino, ka haere tonu me tōu ake oranga.
3. Kōrero ki ō hoa me ō whanaunga
He tino nanakia te whakamutu i te marena. Kāore e taea e koe te kōrero, te whakawhirinaki rānei ki te tangata i tata rawa atu koe i mua. Ka taea e tēnei te whakapoke i tō tirohanga ki ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ka pātai pea koe mō tōu mana ake.
Hei tuku i tētahi marena kino kia ora ai, he mea pai tonu te kōrero ki ō hoa me tō whānau kia taea ai e rātou te āwhina i a koe i roto i ēnei kare ā-roto kino. Mā te noho tahi me te tangata pai ka pai ake ai tō whakaaro mōu anō. Ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaae ki te mutunga o tō marena.
4. Arotahi ki tōu ao
Ki te mea kua kī koe ki a koe anō kua mutu tō marena, ā, kāore koe i te mōhio me aha, he whakaaro pai kia ngana koe ki te whakahoki mai i te mana whakahaere o tō oranga hei tangata takitahi. Hoki atu ki ō mahi whakangahau, tūhuratia te ao e karapoti ana i a koe, whaia ō hiahia, mahi rānei ki te whakatutuki i ō wawata.
Me ngana anō koe ki te ora i te ao, kia mōhio ai koe nā tō whakatau ki te whakarērea i tētahi marena kino i āhei ai koe ki te harikoa anō.
He huarahi pai te ngana anō ki te noho ko koe anō hei tangata ake, hei tīmata whakaae ki te mutunga o tō marena.
5. Whakamaahia te tiaki whaiaro
Ka tino ngoikore koe mō tētahi wā i muri i te whakamutu i tētahi marena. Ehara i te mahi ngāwari te tukua te hoa rangatira e arohaina ana e koe. I tēnei wā, me mārama koe me whakanoho e koe tō oranga hinengaro me tō oranga tinana ki runga ake i ngā mea katoa.
Koinei te wāhi e whai wāhi mai ai te tiaki i a koe anō.
Ko te tiaki i a koe anō ko te mahi i tāu e hiahia ana kia pai ake ai tō whakaaro mōu anō. Mā te kimi huarahi hei whakamanawanui ake i tō āhuatanga o nāianei ka āwhina nui i a koe ki te whakaae kua mutu tō marena.
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6. Whakatakotoria ētahi whāinga
Me mārama, me pūmau hoki ngā whāinga a te tangata, ahakoa kua moe tāne, kua takakau rānei, hei whakatutuki i ngā mea e hiahia ana rātou kia tutuki. Mā te whai whāinga, te whakatakoto paerewa rānei māu ake ka āwhina i te whakarere i tētahi marena kino. Mā te mahi ki te whakatutuki i ō whāinga ka hoatu he āhua o te tikanga me te noho noa i roto i tētahi wā tino pōrearea.
Ki te mutu tō marena, ā, kāore koe e mōhio me aha, mā te kimi i tētahi whāinga ka taea te whakatutuki ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaae kua mutu te marena.
7. Kia maumahara ki te whakapono tonu ki te aroha
I muri i te whakamutu i te marena, tera pea he uaua ki te whakapono ki te aroha mō tētahi wā. Engari he maha ngā āhua o te aroha. Kei reira te aroha o te hoa rangatira e kaha ana, e whakaharikoa ana i a koe. Kei reira te aroha o te hoa e āwhina ana i a koe ki te marino me te whakamahara i a koe ko wai koe. Kātahi, kei reira te aroha ki a koe anō e ako ana i a koe ki te aroha ki a koe anō.
He rerekē te aroha e kawea mai ana e ia whanaungatanga ki roto i tō koiora.
Ahakoa he uaua ki a koe te whakakapi i te aroha kua ngaro i roto i tō hoa, mā te tuku i a koe anō kia aroha tonu ka nui ake tō maioha ki te ora.
Ahakoa te nui o te whakarite hinengaro mō tēnei āhuatanga, e kore e taea e koe te whakangawari i te mamae e puta mai ana i te mutunga o te marena. Kia taea e koe te whakaae kua mutu tō marena, ko reira anake ka taea e koe te tīmata i te tukanga whakaora me te tīmata i tētahi upoko hou o tō koiora. Ka roa te wā e anga whakamua ai ina mutu tō marena, engari ka taea e koe.
Ahakoa he wāhanga tino nui tō marena o tō oranga, ehara i te mea koinei te mutunga o te ao. Mēnā kāore e taea e koe te ahu whakamua i tēnei taha, mā te uru atu ki te rongoā hinengaro koe e āwhina ki te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto. Ka taea e koe te rapu āwhina me te ārahi ngaio mā te pēhi noa i te pātene.
FAQs
Me whakaae tuatahi koe ki ō kare ā-roto, kātahi ka mōhio ahakoa kei te noho tahi kōrua, kāore e taea e kōrua te harikoa. Me whakaae kua noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa. paheke atu ā, arotahi ki tō oranga hou me te waiaro pai.
Ina noho kōrua i raro i te tuanui kotahi, ka hoha koe i te whakaaro ki tō hoa. Ina noho tahi kōrua, kāore kōrua e kōrero ana, kei te whawhai rānei kōrua, ā, tera pea kei te tinihanga anō hoki tō hoa. Ina nui tō whakaaro ki te whakarere, ka mōhio koe kua mutu tō kōrua marena.
Ko te mahi tuatahi ko te whakaae kua mutu. Me tango e koe te āwhina a te whānau me ngā hoa ki te whakapuaki i a koe anō, ka taea hoki e koe te whiriwhiri i te tohutohu. Whakatakotoria he whāinga hou, ā, me whakakī i a koe ki ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia.
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