I ētahi wā, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te whakatau i te wā tonu i mōhio ai rātou kua mutu tā rātou marena. Tērā pea ka puta tēnei ina ko ngā take pēnei i te whakamahi kino i ngā matū, te puremu, me te tutu ā-whare — ko ngā tino take e toru mō te whakarere, e ai ki tētahi ako — kei te takaro. Engari ehara i te mea ka pakaru katoa ngā marena, ko ētahi ka totoro pērā i te aho kia tae rā anō ki te wāhi motu. Mā ēnei tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te wehenga ka arotahi ki ngā wā ka puhoi haere te tupu o te wehenga.
15 Ngā Tohu Mārama, Engari Kaha, Ka Mutu Tō Marena i te Wehe
Ripanga o Ihirangi
He nui te whakapau kaha tonu hei kia angitu te marenaWhakaarohia he rite ki te whakatipu i tētahi māra i tō kāinga. Me ngaki e koe te oneone, me tapatapahi ngā rau, me hutia ngā taru i ngā wā katoa kia puta mai ai ngā pua. Kāore he rerekētanga o tō marena.
I te wā ka ngāwari koe, ka tīmata rānei koe ki te whakaaro noa he mea noa iho, ka tīmata ngā pakaru. Ki te kore e tiakina, ka taea e ēnei pakaru te whakangaro i tō marena. Ko te ngaronga o tētahi whanaungatanga roa nā te mea kāore koe i aro ki ētahi o ngā tohu matua o te marena pouri ka huri hei tetahi o ngā wheako tino mamae o tō ao.
Ko te mea kāore i te mōhiotia e te nuinga o te tangata, ko ngā tohu kua mutu tō marena ka puta mai i mua noa atu i te whakaaro ki te kupu "D". Mēnā kei te pōuri koe, kei te kore rānei e makona, he pai te rapu i ēnei tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te whakarere:
1. Te kore aroha tinana
E ai ki rangahau i Te Whare Wānanga o Texas, e kitea ana "ko te koretake o te whakaaro — e whakaatahia ana i roto i te memeha o te aroha, te hekenga o te aroha nui, te iti haere o te whakapono kei te aro mai te hoa rangatira, me te pikinga o te ruarua — ka wehewehe i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e anga atu ana ki te whakarere i te hunga e whakatū ana i tētahi here marena pumau".
Ahakoa he mea noa te memeha haere o te whakaatu aroha i roto i te wā, he tohu raruraru mō te marena mēnā kāore rawa he tohu aroha pēnei i:
- Pūtutu
- kihi
- Te pupuri ringa
- Tiaka
Te pānui e pā ana: Me Wehe Koe? – Tangohia tēnei Rārangi Arowhai Wehe
2. Te whakakīia e te whakapae
Āhea te wā hei whakamutu i te marena? Ina tirohia e tetahi o ngā hoa rangatira ngā mahi katoa a tetahi atu mā te tirohanga whakapae. Me kī atu kei te whakamahere koe i tētahi ohorere aroha mā tō hoa rangatira, ā, ka whakautu mai rātou, "He aha tāu i mahi ai ināianei?" Mēnā rānei ka tono tō hoa rangatira kia horoia ngā rīhi i muri i te tina, ā, hei utu mō te mihi ki a rātou mō tō rātou whakaaro nui, ka mea atu koe, "Kaua e whakaaro ka taea e koe te tinihanga i ahau kia moe tāne mā te mahi i tēnei."
Ko aua whakaaturanga ā-tinana o te whakapae e tohu ana i te pūtake take whakawhirinaki i roto i te marena. Tērā pea ka puta ēnei tauhohenga i ētahi wheako o mua. Heoi anō, e tohu ana i te ngoikore o te turanga, e kiia ana ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato o te whakarere, he tohu rānei kua mutu kē te marena.
3. Ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te ōrite
Hei hanga i tētahi marena hauora, me whakarite ngā hoa rangatira i ā rāua tumanakohanga. Me whai whakaaro kotahi ngā hoa rangatira mō ngā mea pēnei i:
- Te hiranga o te wāhi whaiaro me te wā mokemoke
- Āhea te whānau tamariki/E hia ngā tamariki hei whānau?
- Me pēhea te whakatere i te taurite mahi-ora
- Me pēhea te whakahaere i ngā pūtea
- Nga hiahia kare-a-roto
- Ngā hiahia ā-ira tangata
Ina kore e ōrite ngā tumanakohanga mō ēnei āhuatanga matua, ina rānei he rerekētanga he tumanakohanga kore I a rātou e takaro ana, ka tīmata pea ngā tohu o te hinganga o te marena te puta ake.
4. Te hanga katakata hei utu mō tētahi ki tētahi
Kāore he aha te kukume i te waewae o tō hoa rangatira, te kata rānei mō ōna āhuatanga rerekē, mō ōna tikanga rānei i ētahi wā. Engari, ki te waiho hei tikanga mā tētahi hoa rangatira te kata tonu mō tētahi atu, ka taea e tēnei te tohu i te mate mō tō kōrua hononga marena i te wā roa, ā, tera pea he tohu kua tata te mutunga o te marena.
Ia wā ka whakahawea tō hoa rangatira ki ō ngoikoretanga, ki ō hapa rānei, ka riri koe ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka mahi anō koe i taua mea hei whakamātautau i a rātou i te rongoā. Me kanikani mō te wā roa, kia kotahi te wā. hihiri ā-ngāwari-whakaeke ka mau te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e tēnei riri me te pukuriri-kore te whakatuma i te heke mai o tō kōrua marena.
5. He āputa whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e whānui haere ana
Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Me pēhea taku mōhio kua mutu taku marena?", kia aro ki te āhua o tāu kōrero ki tō hoa. Ko te kore kōrero pai tētahi o ngā tino take mō te whakarere. I a kōrua e noho tahi ana, i ia rā, i ia rā, mō ngā tau maha, ka whakapau kaha me te wā ki te āwhina i a kōrua kia... kōrero hauora tērā pea ka noho whakamuri. Koinei te take e wehewehe ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I mua i tō mōhio ka tino rerekē tō whakaaro mō ngā āhuatanga nui pēnei i:
- Ngā whāinga me ngā wawata o te ao
- Ngā kare ā-roto, ngā wehi, ngā ngoikoretanga
- Ngā whakatutukitanga me ngā korenga
- Te āhua o ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi
6. Ka mutu tā kōrua tūhuratanga tetahi i tetahi
Kia mutu tāu ngana ki te tūhura i ngā taha hou o ia taha, ka tīmata te mate o te arohaI tuhituhi tētahi o ā mātou kaipānui, e tono ana kia āwhinahia ia, "Kāore taku tāne e aro ki te tae pōuri mai o taku kāinga, ki te wehe wawe mai rānei, ahakoa ka mahue taku kai, ka kai nui rānei, ka moe puku atu rānei i runga i te tūru, ka noho ara ake rānei mā te mātaki Netflix i te pō katoa. E pouri ana ahau nā te mea kāore taku tāne e aro mai ki ahau. Kua mutu taku marena?"
Ko te kore aro ki a koe anō me tō oranga, tera pea te tīmatanga o te mutunga o te marena. Engari, ehara tēnei i te kī kua ngaro katoa te tumanako. Ka taea e koe te whakamātau ki te huri i ēnei tohu hei mea hei mahi māu. He whai wāhi ki te mōhio pai ake ki tō hoa. Haere atu ki a rātou ka kata mō te māfini karanipere kāore anō koe kia kite i a rātou e pā ana i mua, ka pātai atu, "Aroha mai, kua kite koe i taku hoa rangatira i tētahi wāhi?"
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te kī atu ki tāu tāne e hiahia ana koe kia whakarere?
7. He tohu raruraru te kore pono i roto i tō marena
Me pēhea taku mōhio kua mutu taku marena, e whakaaro ana koe? Āe, ko tētahi o ngā tohu e kore e tino arohia kua mutu tō marena, ahakoa kāore anō kia hainatia e koe ngā pepa whakarere, koia tēnei te puremu moniMena he mahi tukino pūtea, he tinihanga rānei kei roto i tō whanaungatanga, he uaua rānei ki a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira te kōrero mō te moni me te kore e huri hei pakanga nui, whakaarohia koinei tētahi o ngā tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te wehenga. Whakaarohia te pai o tō mōhio ki ngā tikanga pūtea a tō hoa rangatira, ki tā rāua whanaungatanga rānei ki te moni:
- Kei hea te haere o ā rātou moni?
- Nō hea te moni whiwhi?
- E whakawhirinaki ana/e whakaute ana tō hoa ki a koe kia tohaina mai ai e ia ngā mōhiohio pūtea?
Ko te tinihanga mō te moni — ahakoa he whakapau moni huna, he hanga rawa rānei me te kore e mōhiotia e tetahi — ka arahi pea ki ngā raruraru nui o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tō kōrua marena. Ko te kore whakawhirinaki, me te koretake o te āhua moni, ka hua ake he raruraru nui o te marena.
8. E pai ana ki a koe tō wā wehe
He mea kotahi te tango i ētahi wā whaiaro i ētahi wā hei whakaora/whakangā, engari ki te rapu kōrua i ngā take hei karo i a kōrua, he tika tāu whakaaro, "Kua mutu taku marena?" Ko te wāhi whaiaro tētahi o ngā tohu matua o te marena kāore i te harikoa mēnā:
- Ka tīmata kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira ki te pārekareka ki te noho motuhake, nui atu i te noho tahi
- Ko koe me/ranei tō hoa rangatira e pai ake ki te mahi i tētahi atu mea i te noho tahi
- Ka ata noho puku kōrua tetahi ki tetahi
- Kī tonu tō kōrua wā i te wahangu whakamā
- Kei te māharahara/kei te mataku koe i te taha o tetahi ki tetahi
9. Ka kōrero nui atu koe tetahi i tetahi
Āhea te wā hei whakamutu i te marena? Ina kore he whakaute mō ngā whakaaro o tētahi ki tētahi. Ko tētahi tohu ngawari o tēnā ko te tapahi i a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira i waenganui o te rerenga kōrero, te kōrero rānei mō tētahi ki tētahi, inā koa i ngā wā tautohetohe me ngā pakanga. Ahakoa he mārama noa iho tohu marena pouri, he mea anō hoki tēnei e kore e arohia e te nuinga o te tangata.
10. Te kore o te whanaungatanga
He mea maori te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena me te kore he whanaungatanga piripono. E ai ki te New York Times, 15% o ngā marena i te US kāore he whanaungatanga moepuku. Ahakoa ko te korenga o te whanaungatanga, kāore pea i te tohu kino, inā koa mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua pakeke ake. Engari ki te puta mai i ētahi atu āhuatanga matua, ka taea te waiho hei tetahi o ngā tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te whakarere. Ka puta tēnei mēnā
- Kua mutu te whanaungatanga o kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira nā te mea kua pāngia kōrua e te mate tinihanga i roto i te marena
- Kei te whakaaro tetahi o ngā hoa rangatira ki te whakarē i te marena mō tētahi atu
- Ka tīmata tētahi hoa ki te pupuri i te moepuku hei whiu, hei rapu utu rānei
11. Ka kōrero kino koutou tetahi ki tetahi
Me kī tātou kei te pāngia kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira e tētahi wā uaua, ā, he maha ngā taupatupatu ka hua ake. ngā pakanga, me ngā whakahēKi te tīmata tētahi, tētahi rānei o ngā hoa tokorua ki te kōrero kino i mua i te aroaro o tētahi — ahakoa he tamariki, he whānau, he hoa rānei — koinei te tohu tino kitea o ngā tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te whakarere.
Kua nui rawa ō raruraru, kāore e taea e koe te pupuri. Kia tīmata koe ki te whakamahana i ō kakahu paru ki te aroaro o te marea, kāore he tumanako e toe ana. Ki te mea ko tāu pātai, "Kua mutu taku marena?", ko te whakautu he "āe" ki te kore tonu kōrua e whakaute tetahi ki tetahi ahakoa ko wai kei te mātakitaki.
Te pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Kāore Tō Tāne e Whakahē i a Koe
12. Ka nui ake te hiranga o te wikitoria i ngā tautohetohe i te whakatau i ngā tautohe
Ahakoa he mea maori te hiahia kia riro i a koe te kupu whakamutunga i roto i tētahi tautohe, he tohu āwangawanga te hiahia kia toa i ngā tautohe ahakoa te utu mō tō whanaungatanga. Mā tō hiahia nui kia toa ka roa pea ngā pakanga mō ngā rā, wiki, marama rānei. Ka arahi pea ki te tipu haere o te mauahara i roto i tō marena, e tohu ana i:
- He nui ake tōu aro ki te wikitoria i te whakatau i te pakanga
- Kāore he wāhi e toe ana mō ngā whakataurite me ngā whakatikatika
- Kāore koe e titiro ki tō hoa rangatira hei hoa rangatira engari hei hoariri
- Kāore koe e ōrite te whakaaro ki a rātou i te nuinga o ngā take
13. Kāore koe e maioha ki ngā mea iti
Ehara i te mea ko ngā mahi nui, ko ngā whakatutukitanga nui rānei o te whanaungatanga e whai hua ai te whanaungatanga. Ko ngā mea iti e mahia ana e kōrua mō tetahi ki tetahi, i ia rā, i ia rā, koia te mea nui. Ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i nga marena angitu Tangohia te wā ki te pārekareka me te maioha ki ngā mahi iti pēnei i:
- Te hanga parakuihi mā tō hoa rangatira
- Kei te kawe mai tō hoa i te kawhe māu i te moenga
- Te kohi kai reka i a koe e hoki ana ki te kāinga
Ko te mutunga o te marena ka tohuhia e te kore o te maioha me te whakawhetai. Ki te kore tetahi mea e pai ana mā tō hoa rangatira — mā tō hoa rangatira rānei — he tohu tēnā kāore kōrua e maioha ana, e whakaute ana rānei tetahi ki tetahi. Ko te kore o te maioha me te whakawhetai kei roto i ngā tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te wehenga.
14. Ki te kore e kōrero mō te heke mai, kua tata te mutunga o te marena
Kua mutu taku marena, e whakaaro ana koe? Tērā pea kei roto i tō tirohanga ki te heke mai te whakautu. Ka taea e koe te kī kei te mutunga kore tō haerenga marena mēnā ka mutu tā kōrua whakamahere mō te heke mai. Ko te whakaaro nui mō te marena ki tētahi ko te hanga i tētahi oranga me rātou. Nō reira, he mea noa ngā kōrero mō te āhua o tō oranga i roto i ngā tau e rima e whai ake nei, mō te wāhi rānei ka noho ai koe i muri i te reti. te marena hauora. Tērā pea, ki te mea kua tae koe ki te wā e kore ai koe e pai ki te kōrero mō te heke mai ki tō hoa rangatira, i te taumata huna, kua taea e koe te kite i ngā tohu o te whakarere kei te haere mai.
15. Ka whakarērea e koe tō marena
Kāore te mutunga o te marena i te ohorere. Ka tīmata te raruraru i te rangimārie ina mutu tāu mahi ki te:
- Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, hono atu hoki
- Totoro atu
- Whakaritea he wa mo tetahi ki tetahi
- Whakaaturia te aroha
- Te noho tahi i te wa kounga
E tohu ana kei a koe i tirotirohia i roto i te hinengaro ā, kāore koe e aro ki ngā āhuatanga o tō marena. Ka taea e koe te whakaaro ki tētahi oranga kāore he hoa rangatira, ā, kāore te neke atu i te āhua uaua. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu mārama kua mutu tō marena (i roto i tō hinengaro).
Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Kite Koe i Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Wehe
Me aha koe ina kite koe kāore tō marena i te pai te tūnga? Ki te kite koe i te nuinga o ngā tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena ki te whakarere, he tohu tēnei kāore he tumanako e toe ana? Mō tēnei, e ai ki te tohunga hinengaro Tākuta Aman Bhonsle e mea ana, "Ahakoa he mea whakararuraru te kite i ngā tohu matua o te marena pouri i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga me tō hoa rangatira, ehara i te mea koinei te mutunga o te huarahi mā kōrua. Ka taea te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga ahakoa i roto i ngā āhuatanga tino kino mena ka whakapau kaha ngā hoa e rua. Ahakoa kāore ngā mea e pai, ehara i te mutunga o te ao."
Ina kitea koe i tētahi ara uaua o tō marena, e toru ngā kōwhiringa e taea ana e koe. Kei a koe te whakatau ko tēhea te mea e pai ana māu:
1. Ka taea e koe te whakamātau kia angitu
I mua i tō tīmatanga ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakamutu i te marena i runga i te rangimārie, kia tino mohio kua mahia e koe ngā mea katoa hei whakaora i tō kōrua hononga. Ki te kore he tohu kino pēnei i te tutu tinana, te tukino kare ā-roto, te tukino pūtea rānei, me ngana koe me tō hoa rangatira ki te whakaora i tō kōrua marena.
Heoi, ina tae koe ki tētahi wā e ahua pōuri ana te heke mai o tō marena, he uaua ki te kimi i hea hei tīmata i te whakatika i tō hononga. Ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e ngaro ana te huarahi, e kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Kāore he otinga kotahi e pai ana mō te katoa. Engari ki te kore koe e tino mōhio ki te huarahi e anga atu ai tō marena, whakaarohia te rapu i tētahi atu huarahi." whakaipoipo faaipoipo kia mōhio ai koe ki tō tūnga me te take e tū ana koe i reira." Mena kei te whakaaro koe ki te tiki āwhina, Ngā ratonga tohutohu a Bonobology he pāwhiri noa iho te tawhiti.
2. Kōwhiria te wehenga whakamātautau
Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio he aha te mea ka whai ake mō tō marena, wehe whakawa ka āwhina i te whakatau i ngā mea kia mārama ake. I roto i te wehenga whakamātautau, ka noho motuhake kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira mō tētahi wā kia kite ai mēnā ko te noho motuhake te mea pai ake. Whakamahia tēnei wā ki te,
- Whakaarohia ngā mea i kino ai tō kōrua marena
- Arotahi ki te tiaki whaiaro
- Whakaaroarohia tō ake taha i roto i ngā take marena
- Whakaarohia te mea i hono ai kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira i te tuatahi, me te mea kei te hiranga tonu aua mea ki a kōrua
- Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te whakaora i tō marena
Mā te tirohanga poto ki te āhua o te oranga me te kore o tō hoa rangatira ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau whakaaro nui. Mena he mea whakamarie te noho tawhiti atu i tō hoa rangatira me te noho ko koe anake, kua tae pea te wā ki te tīmata i te tukanga whakarere. Engari, ki te mea he mea pouri ake tō noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira, he tohu mārama kei reira tetahi mea e tika ana kia whakaorangia i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
3. Rapua te whakarere
Mena i ngana kōrua ki te whakaoti i ō kōrua raruraru mā te rapu āwhina ngaio, me te whiriwhiri i tētahi wehenga whakamātautau, engari kāore i te kitea he angitu, kua tae pea te wā ki te whakatau uaua ki te wehe atu. Ae, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakamutu i te marena, ā, ka kī tonu te ara kei mua i te mamae, te mamae, te manukanuka, me ngā wero. Ahakoa te nui o tō whakaaro mō te whakamutu i te marena i runga i te rangimārie, ka pāngia koe e te mamae.
I ētahi wā, me whakatau koe i ngā kōwhiringa uaua, me neke atu i tāu i whakaaro ai hei oranga ngākau hari mōu ake tonu atu, kia taea ai e koe te kimi anō i te rangimārie me te harikoa. E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Kāore he whakarere harikoa. He mamae/he kino tonu ngā whakarere." Engari anei te rārangi o ngā mea me ĀRAI e koe:
- Te whakamahi i āu tamariki hei kaiwawao/kaitakawaenga
- Te huna i ngā rawa mai i tō hoa rangatira hei whiwhi i tētahi painga kore tika
- Te whakawehi i tō hoa rangatira
- Te peke atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga hou
- Te whakakore i te wā o tō hoa ki ā koutou tamariki
Tohutohu Matua
- Ko te tukino, te waranga, te puremu ngā tohu tino kitea e whakaatu ana kei roto tō marena i te raruraru nui, ā, me āwhina koe ki te tiaki i ōu ake painga.
- Ko ētahi atu tohu o te hinganga o te marena ko te kore e whakanui i te motuhake o tētahi ki tētahi, te kore ira tangata me te kore whanaungatanga, te mauahara.
- Ko te hiahia nui ki te wikitoria i ngā tautohetohe me te kore whakaute tetahi ki tetahi ko ētahi o ngā tohu matua o te marena kore harikoa.
- Mena ka taea e koe te hono atu ki te nuinga o ngā tohu ka mutu tō marena i te wehenga, e toru āu kōwhiringa: ngana ki te whakatutuki, whiriwhiria te wehenga whakamātautau, te whakarere rānei.
Ahakoa ngā tohu kua mutu tō marena, ka pāngia koe e te mataku. Ahakoa e ngana ana koe ki te whakaora i te harikoa o te marena, ki te tango rānei i te tuhituhi i runga i te pakitara hei tohu me neke atu koe, kei a koe me tō hoa rangatira te tikanga. Ahakoa pēhea, kaua e tukua ēnei tohu 15 ka mutu tō marena i te wehenga kia whakakī i a koe ki te ngākau whakaae. Ahakoa he hoa, he wehe rānei, ka taea e kōrua te whiti atu i tēnei wāhanga pouri o te ao, ka kitea anō te rangimārie me te harikoa.
FAQs
I roto i te US, e pā ana ki 40 ki 50% o ngā marena ka mutu i te whakarere. Mā te kite wawe i ngā tohu whakatūpato o tētahi whanaungatanga kino ka āwhina i te whakaiti i tēnei maha mēnā e mōhio ana koe ki ngā mea hei tirotiro. Ko ngā tohu e kitea ana ko te kore whakaute, te kore whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro me te ā-tinana, me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ngoikore.
Ko te kore taurite tetahi o ngā tino take mō te whakarere, ā, muri iho ko te kore whakapono me ngā raruraru moni. I kī mai taku hoa ki ahau, "I te rā i moe ai taku hoa rangatira me tētahi atu tangata, i mōhio ahau kua mutu te whanaungatanga i waenganui i a māua. Ko te pono te tūāpapa o te marena harikoa."
Kaua e whakapae i tō tāne mō te korenga o tō marena, engari arotahi ki ō kare ā-roto. Whakamahia ngā kōrero "ahau". Hei tauira, "Ki taku whakaaro kāore au i te rite ki te noho tahi me te tangata kotahi" me "Kāore tēnei marena e whai hua ana mōku".
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
