He mea pōuri te hono atu anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i a koe e marena ana. Tērā pea ka whakapā atu koe, ka whakautu rānei ki tā rātou karere kuputuhi 'roa te wā kāore i kite' nā te mea he hītori tō kōrua ki tēnei tangata. He mea maori te hiahia ki te pupuri i taua hononga, ki te whakaora anō rānei ahakoa kua maha ngā tau. Engari me te āheinga o ngā kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ahakoa kāore koe e pērā i te tīmatanga, me whakaaro roa koe: He whakaaro pai te hono atu anō ki tētahi hoa tawhito kua marenatia hoki?
Hei mārama ake i ngā mōrearea o te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro Kavita Panyam (He Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro, ā, he hononga ā-ao ki te American Psychological Association. Neke atu i te rua tekau tau ia e āwhina ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakaoti i ō rātou raruraru whanaungatanga.
Ko ētahi o ngā tūponotanga nui o te hono anō ki tō hoa o mua ina kua mārenatia:
- Te piripono koretake ki te hoa o mua
- Te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa
- He hononga turekore
- Ngā whānau kua pakaru
- Te tinihanga i te hoa o mua
Te Hono Anō ki tētahi o mua i a ia e marena ana - Ngā Mea e Kōrerotia ana mōu
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E mōhio ana te iwi ko te tūtaki anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e marena ana te huarahi pai ki te whakatuwhera i te pouaka Pandora i roto i tō ao. Ahakoa i taua wā, kāore i te rangona ngā kōrero mō tētahi wahine kua marenatia e kōrero ana ki tētahi hoa tāne o mua, mō tētahi tāne kua marenatia rānei e whakapā atu ana ki tētahi hoa wahine o mua. Ina hoki mai anō tētahi hoa tawhito, he maha ngā tāngata e uaua ana ki te kore e aro ki ā rātou tono, ahakoa ō rātou whakaaro pai ake. Inaa, nā te pāpāho pāpori me te hangarau, kua nui haere te rongonui o tēnei āhuatanga i tō mua.
Nō reira, ina kōrero koe ki tētahi hoa aroha o mua, ahakoa kua mōhio koe ki ngā hua ka puta, he aha tāna e kī ana mōu? E kī ana a Kavita, "Ko te hono anō, te kōrero rānei ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e marena ana, ka whakawhirinaki nui ki te āhua o te marena."
- Mena kei te kitea te korenga o te ngākau, te tinana, te wairua, te pūtea, te te whanaungatanga hinengaro, kātahi ka taea e tētahi atu tangata te uru mai ki te whārite hei whakakī i tēnei āputa. He maha ngā wā, i roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he māmā ake te whakawhirinaki me te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi o mua kua rite kē tō hononga me te taumata whakamarie ki a koe i tētahi tauhou rawa atu.
- He rite tonu te āhua mō te hunga e noho mokemoke ana i roto i ā rātou marena, e haere ana i te ao me te mea he takakau tonu rātou. Ko te marena ki tētahi tangata whakahihi, te kore rānei o tētahi hoa aroha, atawhai hoki, he mea noa ēnei hei whakaoho i tēnei mokemoke, ka taea ai te whakatuwhera i te ara mō te tūtaki anō ki tētahi hoa o mua.
- "E kite ana hoki tātou i ngā wā e ārahi ana te hiahia ki te mōhio ki 'he aha rā pea' ki te tangata ki te whakatuwhera i te tatau ki ā rātou hoa o mua. Kāore e taea e rātou te aro atu ki te koretake o te kore mōhio me pēhea te haere o ngā mea me i tutuki tā rātou hononga tawhito."
Te pānui e pā ana: I wehe māua, engari i noho hoa tonu ahau me taku hoa o mua
Ahakoa rā, e whakapono ana a Kavita kāore he mea mā ētahi atu e whakahē te hononga anō ki tētahi aroha taitamariki. Ko te mutunga iho, ko te
- Tokorua ngā tāngata e haere ana i taua ara
- ō rātou āhuatanga
- Me tō rātou kaha ki te aro atu ki ngā hua, ki te mawhiti atu rānei i taua hononga
Ngā Tūponotanga o te Hono Anō ki tētahi Aroha Tawhito kua Mārenatia
Kāore e roa ka taka te tangata ki te rua rāpeti o te tūtaki anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i a rātou e marena ana. Te whakaae ki tētahi tono hoa, ki tētahi atu rānei te paheke ki roto i ngā DM a tetahi, mā te tūtaki rānei mā roto i ngā hoa tahi ka hua ake ēnei mea:
- Hono honohono ana
- Te tuku karere kuputuhi i te pō
- Te takaro takaro kino
Kei a koe te toenga. Mēnā ka hoki anō koe ki tētahi hoa o mua i ngā tau i muri mai, ka puta te whakamarie me te whakahihiri o te takaro ki te ahi. Heoi, ki te hoki anō koe ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e marena ana, ka puta mai hoki ētahi tūponotanga maha, ko ngā mea tino kitea ko:
1. Te here hohonu o ngā kare ā-roto
Ina hono anō koe ki tētahi hoa o mua, kāore e taea te whakanui rawa i te tūponotanga o taua hononga kia huri wawe hei herenga kare ā-roto hōhonu. E ai ki a Kavita, ko ētahi tohu ārai kei te kitea e koe he mea piri ki te hoa o mua kua hono anō koe ki:
- Te tuku karere kuputuhi pinepine ki a rātou
- Te kōrero i te waea mō ngā hāora roa
- Te hiahia kia tere tonu te whakautu ki ā rātou karere kuputuhi
- Te hiahia ki te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero iti katoa o tō oranga ki tō hoa o mua
- Te puku atu i roto i tō rūma/whare ki te tuku karere ki tētahi aroha kua ngaro
"He tangata tēnei kua rite kē te āhua o tō kōrua noho tahi, nō reira kāore kōrua e hiahia ana ki te whakaroa i ngā mahi. Ahakoa te roa o te wā kua pahure, ka taea e kōrua te tīmata anō i te wāhi i mutu ai kōrua, te hanga hononga hou rānei i runga i ngā mea kua whakapuakina e kōrua i mua,"
– Kavita Panyam, Kaitohutohu Hinengaro
2. Te pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i roto i te marena
He maha ngā kare ā-roto huna e pā ana ki te hononga anō ki tētahi hoa aroha o mua i a ia e marena ana, ki tētahi hoa rānei o muri mai, kāore pea koe e whakaae ki ēnei kare ā-roto nā te mea he pai ki te whakaora anō i tētahi hononga ki tētahi aroha kua ngaro, ahakoa e mōhio ana koe kāore tō hoa o nāianei e maioha ki tēnā. Ko te hononga anō ki tētahi aroha tawhito kua marenatia ka waiho hei takahi i te whakawhirinaki ki tō whanaungatanga o nāianei mō ēnei take e whai ake nei:
- Ka huna e koe ngā kōrerorero me tō hoa o mua i tō hoa o nāianei
- Ka ara ake ngā raruraru i roto i tō marena o nāianei i te nui haere o te whakawhirinakitanga kare ā-roto ki tētahi hoa aroha o mua.
- Ahakoa he teka nā te mea i mahue, ka pakaru te hononga o te whakawhirinaki ki roto i tō marena.
- Ko te harikoa o te aroha kua hoki mai anō, o ētahi atu take ā-tūranga rānei (pērā i te marena koretake) ka arahi pea ki te moe tāne ki waho o te marena.
3. Te mōrearea o te moe tāne
He whakaaro pai te tūhono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua ina nui te tūponotanga ka arahi ki tētahi mahi taikaha? Ehara i te mea he wahine kua mārena e kōrero ana ki tētahi hoa o mua, he tāne kua mārena rānei e whakapā atu ana ki tētahi hoa wahine o mua ka tīmata tonu me te whakaaro ki te tinihanga i tana hoa rangatira.
"Tērā pea ka mahia e rātou tēnei mea nā te hiahia nui, hei whakakapi rānei i ngā mea e ngaro ana i roto i te marena, hei pupuri noa rānei i tētahi wāhanga o rātou kua ngaro,"
– Kavita Panyam, Kaitohutohu Hinengaro
Engari ko te tūhono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e marena ana, he rite ki te whakaara anō i tētahi aroha kua ngaro. Ka nui ake te mōrearea, ā, ka puta pea te aituā ina:
- Tērā pea ka nui ake te hiranga o ngā kare ā-roto e toe ana i a koe i tō whakatau whakaaro nui.
- Ko te harikoa tuatahi o te kōrero ki tētahi aroha kua ngaro, ka tere tonu te arahi ki tētahi mea ā-tinana
- Tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki te here i ngā pito o mua, ka tuku ki te whakamatautauranga
- Ko te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i ngā tau i muri mai, inā koa kei roto koe i te tūranga kino i roto i tō marena, tera pea ka arahi ki tētahi raruraru. te whanaungatanga ki tō hoa o mua
Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Huarahi Mātanga hei Whakakahore i tētahi Hoa o Mua e Hiahia Ana kia Noho Hoa
4. Te kore whakaute ki tō hoa rangatira
Ka taea te whakaara anō i te aroha tawhito? Ahakoa te whakautu ki taua pātai, ko te whakaaroaro ki tēnā i a koe e marena ana he whakahē ki tō hoa o nāianei. Ko te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua i a koe e marena ana, te tūtaki puku rānei ki a rātou, he tohu kei te kore koe e pai ki tō hoa rangatira me tō marena. Ko ngā pātai mō te mea i akiaki i a koe ki te whakapā atu, ki te whakautu rānei, tera pea ka ara ake i tētahi wā. Ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa tawhito ki a koe, ā, ka whakautu koe, tera pea he whakahē ki tō hoa o nāianei nā te mea:
- Ka kōrerohia e koe ngā taipitopito o tō whanaungatanga o nāianei me tētahi atu tangata
- Tērā pea ka arai tēnei i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i tō whanaungatanga
- Tērā pea ka wareware koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa o nāianei, ā, ka kōrero noa koe ki tētahi e arohaina ana kua ngaro.
- Kāore pea e taea e koe te mutu te whakataurite i tō hoa o nāianei me tō hoa o mua
5. Pānga ki ngā whānau
E mea ana a Kavita, "Ina puta te kōrero mō te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e mārena ana, he tokomaha e kī ana, ki te kore te tangata e harikoa ki tā rātou hoa o nāianei, me wehe atu ia, ka tīmata anō." Heoi anō, te whakamutu i te marena kāore i te ngāwari nā te mea
- pūtea
- Social
- Me ngā pānga kare ā-roto
I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ko te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e marena ana ka waihanga i tētahi whārite uaua e pā ana ki te hunga katoa e whai pānga ana:
- Ngā hoa rangatira
- Ngā tamariki mēnā he
- Whānau
Ina koa mēnā kei te aroha tonu koe ki tō aroha tuatahi engari kua moe koe ki tētahi atu, ko te tūhono anō ki taua aroha kua ngaro ka kino pea ki tō whānau.
Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ngā āhuatanga e whakamate ana i te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga? E whitu ā mātou rārangi!
6. Ngā mahi pūtea kua hē
Me kī atu kei te hono atu koe ki tētahi hoa o mua i whai hononga piripono, kaha hoki. He wāhi motuhake tō taua tangata i roto i tō ngākau, ā, tera pea kei te whakawhirinaki tonu, kei te manaaki tonu tētahi wāhanga o koe i a ia. Ināianei, ki te tono mai tēnei tangata ki te nama moni, ki te whakawhirinaki rānei ki a koe mō te tautoko pūtea, ka taea e koe te whakaae ā-ringa, me te kore e whakaaro kei te hiahia rātou ki te tinihanga i a koe.
"Ka pā kino pea ngā take e uru ai ngā hoa o mua ki ngā mahi pūtea, e whakawhiti moni ana, ā, kāore tetahi o ngā taha e pupuri i tā rāua taha i roto i te whakaaetanga. Ā tōna wā, mā te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā e mārena ana, ka ngaro te moni, ka uru atu pea ngā hoa o nāianei ki roto, ā, ka tere tonu te kino o te āhuatanga katoa,"
Kavita Panyam, Kaitohutohu Hinengaro
7. Te hoatu whakaaro hē ki te hoa o mua
Ki a koe, ko te kōrero ki te tangata i kihi tuatahitia e koe i te wā o te hui tuarua he mea pea hei whakawhanaungatanga, engari ko te tumanako teka kua riro mai i tō aroha kua ngaro ka puta he maha ngā raruraru. Ina hono anō ngā hoa tawhito, ā, kei roto tētahi o rāua i te... te faaipoiporaa pouri, he rerekē rawa pea ō rātou tumanakohanga.
- Hei tīmatanga, mā te kitenga i tētahi hoa aroha tawhito i muri i te wā roa, ka pātai pea tō hoa o mua mēnā ka taea te whakaara anō i te aroha tawhito.
- Engari mai i te wehenga, i hiahia noa koe kia noho hoa tonu ki tēnei tangata.
Tērā pea ka puta he maha ngā raruraru i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hou pēnei, inā koa mō tō hoa aroha kua ngaro, kāore nei i taea te tuku atu.
8. Te pari pahekeheke o ngā whakataurite tonu
Me kī atu kei te hono anō kōrua ki tō hoa aroha tuatahi i a kōrua e marena ana. I roto i ngā huarahi maha, ka whakatakoto te tangata i te paearu mō ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe, e rapua ana rānei e koe i roto i ō whanaungatanga katoa. Ina hono anō koe ki tō hoa aroha kua ngaro i muri i ngā tau maha, tera pea kua matapo koe i te meka kua roa kē te hononga i tohaina e koe ki a ia, ā, ko tō hoa o mua, tera pea, kua whanake hei tangata kāore koe i te tino mōhio.
E ai ki a Jim Pfaus, he ahorangi hinengaro me te pūtaiao roro i Te Whare Wānanga o Concordia i Montreal, ko te tangata e kite ana koe i tō orgasm tuatahi, inā koa he wheako pai, ā, he tohu aroha pērā i te awhi, ka taea e ia te whakatau i te mea e kitea ana e koe he mea ātaahua i roto i ō whanaungatanga katoa a meake nei.
Nō reira, mā te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i ngā tau i muri mai, tērā pea kāore e taea e koe te mutu te whakarite i tō hoa o nāianei ki tō hoa aroha kua ngaro. I te mea kei a koe ngā mea katoa ngā tohu o te aroha ā, kei te titiro koe ki a rātou me ngā kanohi kōwhai, tera pea ka whakanui noa iho i ngā ngoikoretanga o tō hoa rangatira i roto i ō kanohi, ka nui haere ai te tawhiti o kōrua.
Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Take Pea e Whakaaroaro Tonu Ana Koe ki tō Hoa o Mua
9. Te wehe i waenganui i ngā hoa rangatira
Ina hono anō koe ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe kua moe tāne, e arohaina ana rānei, tērā pea ka pupū ake ōu kare ā-roto mōna nā te mea he hapa kei roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
- Te kore o te whanaungatanga
- moemoe
- monotone
- Tuhinga o mua
He maha ngā take. Nā te mea kua tutukihia ēnei hiahia i waho o tō marena, kāore pea koe e hiahia ki te mahi ki te whakatau i ngā take me tō hoa rangatira. Ka taea e ēnei take te arahi atu ki te wehewehe i waenga i ngā hoa rangatira nā te mea:
- Tērā pea kāore e taea e koe te mutu te whakataurite i tō aroha kua ngaro me tō hoa rangatira, ka arahi pea tēnei ki ngā tumanakohanga kino.
- Ina hono anō ngā hoa tawhito, ka ara ake pea he raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i waenga i ngā hoa rangatira.
- Ina kei te aroha tonu koe ki tō aroha tuatahi engari kua marenatia, ā, ka tīmata anō te kōrero ki tō hoa o mua, ka ārahi pea te aroha nui ki a koe ki te aukati i tō hoa.
FAQs
Ae, i te mea he wāhanga nui tō hoa o mua o tō ao i mua, he mea noa, he mea maori hoki te whakaaro ki a ia i ia wā, i ia wā. Ahakoa ehara i te mea pai, he mea whakaaetia te whai i tō hoa o mua i runga ipurangi. Engari ko ngā mea katoa i tua atu i tēnā he mea e akiaki ana i te raruraru.
Ahakoa te āhua nei kāore he kino o te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua i a koe e marena ana. Engari i te mea he hītori tō kōrua ki a rāua, ā, kei te mau tonu pea ētahi kare ā-roto ki a rāua kāore anō kia whakatauhia, he pai ake kia kaua e pērā. Ka tere te piki haere o ngā raruraru, ka tūpono ai tō kōrua marena.
Ki te mea ko te hoa o mua e kōrerotia ana he tangata i piri tahi mō tētahi wā poto engari he hītori roa tō kōrua hoahoa pono, ā, e whakaae ana tō hoa rangatira kia noho tahi rāua i roto i tō kōrua ao, he pai ake te karo i te whakamatautauranga.
Tohutohu Matua
- Ko te kitenga i tētahi hoa tawhito i muri i te wā roa ka arahi pea ki te whakawhirinaki ki ngā kare ā-roto, ngā raruraru i roto i tō marena o nāianei, me te moe tāne ki tāwāhi.
- Ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa tawhito ki a koe, he mea tika kia pono te kōrero ki tō hoa o nāianei, kia mārama hoki te whakatakoto i ngā rohe ki tō hoa o mua — ki te hiahia koe ki te whakarongo ki ā rātou karere.
- Mena kei roto tetahi i te marena pouri, ka rerekē rawa ngā tumanakohanga mai i ngā kōrero mō ngā taha e rua e whai wāhi ana.
Thoughts Final
Ko te mutunga iho, ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa tawhito ki a koe, ka taea e ia te whakatuwhera i tētahi kēne kutukutu ka pā kino ki tō kōrua marena, ka waiho hoki kōrua kia raruraru ngā kare ā-roto. Ki te kore te hoa o mua e kōrerotia ana he tangata i noho tahi kōrua mō tētahi wā poto engari he hītori roa tō rāua noho hoa pono, ā, e tino whakaae ana tō hoa rangatira ki te whakaaro kia noho ia ki roto i tō kōrua ao, he pai ake te arahi atu.
He aha i kore ai e taea e au te wareware i taku hoa o mua? Ngā Take Matua e 10 hei Mōhio
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