Te Pā Tinana ki te Reo Aroha: Te Tikanga me ngā Tauira

E kōrero tonu ana koe ki tētahi e aroha ana koe ki a ia, e hoatu ana i ngā koha ki a ia, e whakaatu tonu ana hoki i te nui o tō maioha ki a ia? Heoi, ahakoa ēnā mea katoa, e amuamu ana rātou mō tō āwangawanga ki ngā whakaaturanga aroha, kāore koe e pupuri i tōna ringa, kāore hoki e kihi, e awhi rānei i a ia? E mārama ana ko tā rātou reo aroha pai ko te reo aroha pā-tinana.

Me kī tātou i tētahi atu huarahi. Ki tō whakaaro he mea whakaaro nui te kōrero Hainamana ki tētahi Itari, me te tumanako ka tukuna tō karere? Koinei te mea ka puta ina kōrero tātou i roto i tētahi reo aroha he rerekē i te mea e mārama ana tō tātou hoa. He maha ngā momo engari ki te rapu tonu tō hoa i ngā awhi mahana, i tētahi momo tata tinana rānei, he mārama kei te aroha koe ki tētahi ko tana reo aroha he pā tinana.

Nā Tākuta Gary Chapman i whakauru mai te ariā o ngā reo aroha matua e rima ki te ao, ā, i tēnei rā, ka tirohia te reo o te pā ā-tinana. I kōrero mātou ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ki a Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-hinengaro, kia mārama ai mātou ki tēnei momo whakapuakitanga aroha. I pātai atu mātou ki a ia he aha te tikanga o te pā ā-tinana me tōna hiranga ki te tangata e kōrero ana i tēnei reo. I kōrero mai anō hoki ia ki a mātou mō te hiranga o te ako i te reo aroha o tō hoa.

He aha te reo aroha pā-tinana?

I roto i tana pukapuka, The 5 Love Languages ​​– The Secret To Love That Lasts , ka whakamārama a Tākuta Gary Chapman i ngā huarahi e whakapuaki ai, e whiwhi ai hoki te tangata i te aroha i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha. Ka whakarōpūtia e ia ēnei ki ngā momo reo aroha e rima, arā, ko te wā kounga, ngā mahi āwhina, te whiwhi koha, te pā ā-tinana, me ngā kupu whakaū.

E kī ana ia he huarahi matua tō ia tangata ki te 'tuku' i te aroha. I roto i te whakapuakitanga, i te reo rānei, e pai ai hoki tēnei tangata ki te 'whiwhi' i te aroha mai i ētahi atu, me te momo tohu e aro atu ana rātou. Ina kōrero te tangata i ngā reo rerekē o te aroha, ka āraihia te whakapuakitanga o te aroha, ā, ka pōhēhē pea. He mea nui te ako mō te reo aroha matua o tō tangata i taua wā, kia pai ake ai te mārama ki te āhua o tā rātou whakapuakitanga aroha ki a koe me tā rātou e tumanako ana mai i a koe.

E whakaahua ana a Tākuta Bhonsle i tēnei reo aroha hei "huarahi kore-waha hei whakaatu i te manaaki, te aroha, me te aro ki tētahi. Nā te mea ka whakaatu te pā ā-tinana i te wairua o te oranga me te whakahoahoa i ngā huarahi kāore e taea e te kupu te whakapuaki. He rite tonu ki te maumahara mō te tuku i te mahana." Ka tāpiri atu ia, "He rite ki te waiata hoa mō te kī i ngā mea pēnei i te aroha ki a koe, te manaaki ki a koe, te ngaro i a koe, ā, me i konei koe."

Te mārama ki te reo aroha o te pā ā-tinana

Ko te pā ā-tinana tētahi o ngā momo matua o te whakapuakitanga aroha i te tamarikitanga. Koia te take i noho ai hei reo aroha e tino kitea ana. "I te ao o ngā tamariki," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Koinei te momo matua o te aroha. Koinei hoki te wheako tuatahi o te tamaiti ki te ao. Ki te kuhua tō maihao ki roto i te ringa o te pēpi kotahi rā te pakeke, ka mau tonu te pēpi ki a ia, ā, ka hopukina e ia me te mea he mea hangai ki te hinengaro."

• Mā te ako i te tikanga o ngā reo aroha rerekē ka āwhina i a tātou ki te tautuhi i te wā e whakaatu mai ai tetahi i tōna aroha ki a tātou i te huarahi e tata ana ki a rātou.
• Ki te taea e tātou te kite i ā rātou nekehanga me tā rātou ngana ki te hanga hononga ā-tinana, ka taea e tātou te rongo i tō rātou aroha.
• Ina kore tātou e mārama ki ngā reo aroha, ka kore e kitea ā rātou nekehanga, ā, ka amuamu tātou kāore rātou e aroha mai ki a tātou, kāore rānei e whakaatu mai i te nui o tō rātou aroha ki a tātou.
• Waihoki, ki te tino aroha koe ki tētahi engari kei te rongo tonu koe i ngā amuamu kāore koe e whakaatu ana i tēnā, tera pea kāore rātou e mōhio ki tō aroha. Nā te mea he hiahia tōu ki te whakapuaki i tō aroha i roto i tō ake reo aroha, kaua i tā rātou, kāore rātou e whiwhi.
• Koia te take ko te ako i te reo aroha o tō hoa he huarahi hei whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Ko te pā o te tinana te momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero matua i te wā o te pēpitanga mō te nuinga o tātou, ā, he wāhanga nui te ako i tēnei i roto i te whai i tētahi whanaungatanga harikoa, haumaru hoki ki te hunga e whai tikanga ana ki a tātou. Me taea e tātou te whakaatu i te aroha ki a rātou i roto i tā rātou reo, me te āhei hoki ki te mōhio me te whiwhi i tā rātou aroha ina whakapuakina mai e rātou ki a tātou. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Me whakawhanake koe i ngā āhuatanga e pai ake ai koe ki te hunga e whai tikanga ana ki a koe. He rite ki te mea kei te aroha koe ki tētahi kāore i te reo Pākehā hei reo tuatahi, me ako pea koe i tōna reo taketake kia taea ai e koe te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai tikanga ki a rātou anō."

Engari, mehemea kāore e puta noa mai te mārama ki ngā reo aroha o tētahi atu? E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle kia whakapau kaha koe ki te ako i tēnei. "Ki te kore e puta noa mai i te hinengaro, me whakawhanake e koe pērā i tētahi atu pūkenga, pērā i te eke pahikara, te kaukau, te reti reti. Engari, i roto i te momo hapori e noho nei te tangata katoa, ko te ako i ngā huarahi rerekē hei whakaatu i te aroha kāore e kiia ko te pūkenga matua e tika ana."

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Me pēhea te whakamahi i te reo aroha pā-tinana i roto i tō whanaungatanga?

Mena ehara te whakapā tinana i te reo aroha māu, engari mā tō hoa, kei te whakaaro pea koe me pēhea e taea ai e koe te ako i ngā taura o tā rātou reo aroha matua kia harikoa ai rātou. I tēnei wā, ahakoa me whakapau kaha koe i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te hoatu me te whiwhi i te aroha tinana, e kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle kia mārama, kia ora tonu i mua i tetahi atu mea.

"Kāore e taea te hoatu he puka rangahau ki tō hoa rangatira hei whakakī, nā te mea he mea koretake, he mea rerekē hoki tēnā. Engari ka taea e koe te noho hei kaititiro pai, me te kōrero, me te tuhi i roto i ō hinengaro ngā mea e wātea ana, e ātete ana rānei tō hoa rangatira ki a rātou." Ko tāna kōrero, he reo te aroha, ā, ka taea e koe te ako. Tērā pea ka pai ki a rātou te pupuri ringa ina hikoi koe, te pai rānei ki te mirimiri i tō tuara i muri i tētahi rā roa, taumaha.

Ki te mea ko te whakapā tinana te huarahi pai rawa atu mā tō hoa ki te whakaatu i te aroha, he maha ngā huarahi e whakaatuhia ana e rātou i roto i ngā huarahi maha kua whakarārangihia e mātou. Waihoki, ki te hiahia koe ki te whakaatu i tō aroha ki a rātou, pānuihia ēnei tauira o te aroha piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga ka taea e koe te whakamātau. Heoi anō, tera anō ētahi huarahi ehara i te mea piripono, engari ka taea te hanga hononga tata me te hononga i roto i tō whanaungatanga.

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Pā tata:

• Te pā o te moepuku: He mahi aroha tinana te moe tāne, nō reira, me tīmata te moe tāne i ngā wā katoa mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te whakapai ake i te whakapā tinana i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Hei tāpiri, mā te kihi i ngā wā katoa i te mahi, te pupuri i te titiro kanohi, te pā atu ki ētahi atu wāhanga o te tinana, te whiri i ngā maihao, te awhi, te takoto tahi i te moenga i muri i te moe tāne, me te pupuri i te whakapā i muri i te wā roa, ka taea te whakanui ake i te whai huatanga o te mahi mō te tangata whai reo aroha.
• Ngā wā i waenganui: Kei roto i tēnei ko ngā āhua ā-tinana pērā i te pā ohorere ki te ringa o te hoa, kihi kaki, te tiaki i te reti, i te pātene rānei e uaua ana te toro atu, te mirimiri i tōna tuara ina mate, te mirimiri i ōna waewae i muri i te rā roa, te whakarite kia pā ō waewae ki ōna waewae i runga i te moenga, te pupuri ringa i a koe e hikoi ana (Kua mārama koe?)

Pāpā kore-piri:

• He mihi pā: Kei roto i tēnei ko te awhi me te kihi i a rātou i mua i te pātai atu mō tō rātou rā. Ka taea e tēnei te whakanui ake i te harikoa o tō hoa rangatira ina tae mai ngā whakaaturanga tūmatanui pērā i te kihi i tōna rae i tō kōrua tūtakitanga ki a rātou i tētahi whare kawhe, i tētahi pae inu rānei.
• Te pupuri i te pā i te wā e kōrero ana: Ko te pā atu ki te ringa o runga, te kuhu i te makawe ki muri i te taringa, me te papaki i te pakihiwi he momo pā atu anō i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Whakaarohia te mirimiri i te ringa o tō hoa, te mirimiri rānei i ō maihao ki te makawe o tō hoa.
• Ngā momo whakangahau ā-tinana: Ko te mirimiri, te whakapaipai tinana, te paninga hinu ki te tuara, te paraihe makawe, te kaukau, ngā hākinakina whakapā atu, me te kanikani ētahi o ngā mahi. ngā pā kore-ira ka taea te pupuhi i taua homoni pai

Ko tā mātou tohutohu whānui ki a koe, kia āta tirohia ngā mea e pai ana ki tō hoa mō ngā nekehanga tinana. Ā, ki te ruarua koe, pātai atu ki a rātou. Mātakihia ā rātou tauhohenga ina pā atu koe ki a rātou i tētahi ara. Mā te mōhio ko te reo aroha o tētahi he pā tinana, kāore e hoatu he mana ki tētahi ki te pā atu ki a rātou i tētahi ara kāore e whakaaetia e rātou, nō reira kia tūpato ki te taumata whakamarie o rātou.

Kia tūpato kei whakaaro koe ka maioha tō hoa ki ngā momo pā katoa. Waihoki, kaua te pā ā-tinana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e kiia he huarahi noa hei tīmata i te pā ā-ira. He wāhanga iti noa iho te pā ā-ira o tēnei huarahi pā ki te whakaatu i te aroha.

Te Pā Tinana i roto i ngā Hononga Tawhiti

E mārama ana ko tēnei reo aroha e hiahia ana ki te pā o te kiri, me te piripono o te tinana ki te tinana. Engari, me pēhea rā te kore e noho tahi ngā tāngata tokorua? He aha te mea ka tupu ina noho koe, e tō hoa aroha rānei i tētahi tāone rerekē, tawhiti atu i a koe?

Ka aro atu a Tākuta Bhonsle ki te kaupapa matua o tēnei pātai taupatupatu. "Ko te pā ā-tinana i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti he mea e kiia nei he raruraru mahi, he raruraru whakahaere rānei. Kāore e taea e koe te rere ki tētahi atu rohe wā i ia wā e hiahia ana koe ki te awhi, ki te whiwhi rānei i tētahi awhi. Ko te mea nui ko te waihanga i tētahi kaupapa mahi."

Ka tirotirohia anō e ia tētahi o ngā āwangawanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti: Te kore whakapono. Me aro atu ki tēnā i te tuatahi. E kī ana ia, "He maha ngā take tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti nā te mea kāore te hoa e pāngia e te pā, e hiahia ana rānei ki tētahi momo whanaungatanga moepuku."

E mea ana ia, "He maha ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti ka pāngia ina kore he mutunga e kitea ana. Ina kore he rā kati e herea ana ki te tawhiti. Me whai whakaaro te whanaungatanga tawhiti ki tētahi mahi whaihua, arā, kia noho tahi ai i raro i te tuanui kotahi i te mutunga. He mahi whaihua e hiahiatia ana. Nā te mea, he aha kōrua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mēnā ehara i te mea hei hoa tahi?"

"Nō reira, kia manawanui. Me whai manawanui, me whakarite wā hoki mēnā kei te hiahia kōrua kia tutuki te whanaungatanga, ā, kia piripono hoki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore e taea te pā atu ki tō hoa i te wā e tawhiti ana kōrua, nō reira me kaha ake te turanga."

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Ngā otinga mō te pā ā-tinana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti

Ahakoa rā, tera pea kua tata te mutunga engari kei te ngaro tonu i a koe te whakawhitiwhiti aroha me tō hoa mā roto i ngā mahi ā-tinana. Ahakoa ka taea e koe te whai wā, tera pea kāore i a koe te huarahi ki te haereere haere, ki te hoki mai i ngā wā katoa.

Kia tae rā anō ki te wā e whakaarohia ai e kōrua ko tō hoa he mahere mō tō kōrua hononga tawhiti, he maha ngā huarahi hei whakahaere i te whanaungatanga tawhiti . He mea anō kei a koe hei whakakapi i te korenga o te pā. Kāore pea koe e kite i tō hoa, engari kāore he kino ki te tiki urunga tinana me te whakaaro kei te awhi koe i tō hoa i ia pō. Kāore e rite te pai ki te mea tūturu engari tera pea ka pai mōu.

• Tuhia ngā wheako pā: Whakawhitihia tētahi kākahu e kakara ana i a koe. Ka taea e koe te hoatu he koha ki a rātou he mirimiri, he tuku atu rānei i tētahi mea hei pupuri mā rātou, hei whakaaro ki te kāinga. Ahakoa he kararehe whakakī nui, he paraikete rānei, he pai tonu. Whakaarohia ēnei hei whakamahara tinana mōu.
• Pāpā kōrero: Kōrerohia te pā o tō ringa mēnā kei te tata rātou ki a koe, i a koe e waea ana, e kōrerorero ataata ana rānei. Kōrerohia te āhua o tō awhi, o tō kihi rānei i a rātou. Me whakaaro ēnei hei whakamahara ā-waha mō tō pā.
• Whakaatuhia ā-kanohi ngā mahi o te pā: Ahakoa te āhua kuware o te pupuhi kihi, te whakatakoto kihi rānei ki te mata i roto i te waea ataata, ka āwhina pea i a rātou ki te whakaaro i te mea tūturu. Me whakaaro ēnei hei whakamahara ā-kanohi mō tō pā atu ki a rātou.

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Hei tauira, kia auaha, kia whai whakaaro anō hoki kia tino mārama ai koe ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ngāna kia whakamaharatia tō hoa, kia maumahara anō hoki koe ki te pā i waenganui i a kōrua i te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua. Mā tēnei maharatanga me te whakaaro noa e āwhina i a kōrua kia mau te pā tae noa ki te wā e taea ai e kōrua te hoki tahi anō.

Ahakoa ngā kōrero katoa o runga ake nei, he mea nui kia mōhio koe, ina kōrero ana mō te pā, kaua e takahi i te rohe whakaae a te tangata kē. Kāore he rite o te tūranga o te whakaae , ina koa mō te pā ā-tinana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te pā ā-tinana he huarahi hei hoatu i te whai wāhi ki te tangata kē ki te taunekeneke me te whai wāhi atu ki a koe, me te rerekē, engari i roto i te huarahi kāore e whakawehi ana, e whakaae ana hoki."

I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Ākuhata 2023.

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