Ngā whanaungatanga haumaru - he aha rātou, ā, he aha te āhua?

Mai i te tinana ki te hinengaro, mā ngā whanaungatanga haumaru koe e noho rite ai ki te kāinga. ako i whakaahua i te whakaaro haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga hei "ahua o te haumaru, te whakawhirinaki, me te pumau i roto i te whanaungatanga ina tutukihia ngā tumanakohanga, ka tutukihia rānei i roto i ngā rohe o te whanaungatanga piripono." 

I te wā anō hoki i waiatatia ai e The Pretenders, "Kāore he mea e whaki ana koe, e whakaiti i tōku aroha ki a koe, ka tū atu ahau ki tō taha." I te wā rānei i waiatatia ai e India.Arie Simpson, "Ka taea e tāua te kōrero mō ngā mea katoa, kāore he mea hei huna māna. Kāore ia e wehi i ōna kare ā-roto, ehara ia i te pononga o tōna whakapehapeha. Kei te homai e ia te aroha ki ahau, kia u tonu." I te wā rānei i waiatatia ai e Michael Franti & Spearhead, "Kāore au e wehi ki te noho mokemoke. Engari he pai ake te noho mokemoke me koe. He pai ake te ora me koe."

Haunga ngā kupu waiata, mō ngā tirohanga ngaio mō ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru, i kōrero mātou ki Niyatii N Shah, he kaiwhakaako moepuku, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, he kaiako whanaungatanga, he kaiako mātua hoki. Kia rapu tātou i te pūtake o te tikanga o te whanaungatanga haumaru, kia kitea ai me pēhea e taea ai e te tokorua te waihanga i ngā whanaungatanga aroha hauora e tika ana kia waiatatia.

He aha te whanaungatanga haumaru?

Niyatii e mea ana, "Ko te tikanga o te kaha ki te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa i roto i te hinengaro, te tinana, me te taha pūtea." Ko te tikanga, koinei te wā e tino okioki ana tō whakaoho ā-roto. Engari me noho hoa tātou ki te kare o te kore haumaru i mua i te kōrero mō ngā whanaungatanga haumaru. E ai ki tēnei rangahau, "He aha te ritenga kē atu o te koretake? Te māia katoa? Te kore mataku? I te tīmatanga, he mea whakamiharo te ahua. Engari kia tūpato ki tāu e hiahia ana. Kotahi ōrau noa iho o te taupori kua tutuki i a rātou tēnei whāinga ruarua – arā, ko ngā tāngata hinengaro kore." 

Ki te mea ehara koe i te tangata hinengaro pōrangi, me maumahara tātou ko te koretake o te noho haumaru ka āwhina i tō tātou roro taketake ki te haumaru, ki te mōhio ki a ia anō, ki te noho tahi, me te rangimārie. E ai ki te rangahau i runga ake nei, mai i te tirohanga a te taiao, he pai ake te whakatangi i tētahi whakaoho teka i te wā kāore he tūmomo riri i te ngaro i tētahi tūmomo riri tūturu. Nō reira, ko te koretake o te noho haumaru i waenga i ngā hoa ka taea hoki te mahi hei pūnaha whakaoho kia rapua ai e rātou te haumaru me te rangimārie tetahi ki tetahi.

Ko tētahi huarahi pai ki te mārama ki te momo whanaungatanga haumaru ko te whakataurite i tēnei ki ngā āhuatanga o ngā whanaungatanga haumaru kore. Tērā pea ka hoki mai ētahi, tētahi rānei o ēnei āhuatanga, ā, ka kino ki tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru:

• He whanonga/hurihuri kare ā-roto kāore i te matapaetia, he pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, he riri huna rānei tetahi ki tetahi i roto i te hononga kino
• Ki te kore he whakawhirinaki i waenga i ngā hoa, te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, me te hiahia tonu rānei kia mahi tahi kōrua i mua i a kōrua, ehara tēnā i te momo whanaungatanga haumaru.
• Te whanonga hē a tetahi hoa, te whakamahi kino rānei i ngā matū
• Kāore ō kare ā-roto e rangona, e whakamanahia, e whakautua rānei. E whakaaro ana koe kei te whakahengia koe.
• Te korenga o te haumaru tinana, te haumaru kare ā-roto, te haumaru pūtea rānei, te taumaha rawa rānei o te mahi kare ā-roto, te mahi pūtea rānei
• Te wehi ki ngā kaupapa nui me ngā pakanga/whakahē, me te kore e tino mōhio mēnā ka noho tonu tō hoa rangatira i roto i tō ao, ka pakaru rānei tō ngākau
• Te whakaaro kāore he aha o ō hiahia, te whakaaro he taumaha koe, kāore e taea te whakaatu i te takitahi, me te kore e taea te whakatakoto rohe me te hoa.
• Te mauahara mō te wā waatea o tō hoa, tōna angitu, ōna hoahoa, tōna pūnaha tautoko pāpori, tōna āhua, tōna hauora, me ērā atu mea.

E kī ana a Niyatii, "Ahakoa kei roto i ngā whanaungatanga pakeke, ka whakaaro tonu ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e mōhio ana tā rātou hoa ki tā rātou e hiahia ana, e hiahia ana rānei, engari kāore e whakapuaki i te whakaaro, kāore e whakarongo kaha ki tā rātou hoa, e whakamahi ana i te reo pukuriri, e karo ana i ngā kōrero uaua, ā, kāore e tuwhera, e pono hoki mō ō rātou whakaaro me ō rātou kare ā-roto tetahi ki tetahi." Kia maumahara ki tēnā, anei ētahi tauira e rua e whakaatu ana i te tikanga o te whanaungatanga haumaru:

• "Ina tono aroha ahau, ina tono wā pai rānei, ka mōhio ahau he tika, he whaitake hoki taku hiahia, ā, ka whiwhi ahau i te whakamanawa e tika ana māku"
• "Kei a rātou ngā whakaahua o ō rātou hoa i runga i ā rātou pāpāho pāpori, engari kāore i a mātou. E mōhio ana ahau e aroha ana rātou ki ahau, nō reira me pātai atu ahau ki a rātou mēnā e pai ana rātou ki te whakaatu i tō rātou whanaungatanga roa ki ahau i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori"

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Māramatanga i roto i ngā Hononga: Te Tikanga, Me Pēhea te Whakaatu me ētahi Tohutohu Ngaro

He aha te āhua o tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru?

E ai ki Gottman Institute, "He whakahau kei roto i ō tātou hinengaro me ō tātou tinana te haumaru ... Ka whakakāhoretia ētahi tāngata e te whakaaro kia aro nui ki te haumaru i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga nā te mea e whakataurite ana rātou i te whanaungatanga "haumaru" ki te whanaungatanga "hoha", engari ko te whanaungatanga haumaru e hiahia ana tātou katoa ka tino whakawhanakehia ina noho haumaru tātou."

Ko te noho haumaru i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga he mea nui mō te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ehara tēnei haumaru i te mea he whai, he te pupuri i tētahi wāhi haumaru kia mau tonu, engari kia mau te hiahia me te kaha ki te whakapakari i te whanaungatanga ahakoa te mamae me te pakaru, me te mōhio whakamarie ka "hoki koe ki tō hoa" ahakoa te aha.

i roto i te Reddit miro, e kī ana tētahi kaiwhakamahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru ā-hinengaro, "1) He rite tonu ngā uara matua o kōrua. Ki te tautoko tētahi o kōrua i te LGBTQ+, ā, e kino ana tētahi ki a rāua, e kore rawa kōrua e pono. Kāore e pai te kore o ngā tirohanga tōrangapū, whakapono, ōhanga, me ngā tirohanga matatika. 2) Ka whakatipu koe i te pono mā te whakaae ki ngā rerekētanga noa o ētahi atu, ā, kei a koe ngā tikanga tika hei whakatika i ēnei. Ki te kino tō hoa ki tāu kiriata tino pai, kāore he aha. Kōrerohia, kaua e riri ki a rāua."

I whakaahuahia e ētahi atu kaiwhakamahi Reddit i taua miro ō rātou wheako mō te whai i tētahi pūnaha haumaru kāhua āpitihanga i nga huarahi e whai ake nei:

• Te whai oranga i waho o te whanaungatanga
• Te whakaaro he tika ō kare ā-roto ahakoa kei roto koe i tētahi tautohe
• Kaua e mataku mēnā kāore rātou i kōrero ki a koe mō tētahi wā, nā te mea kua whakamanawa mai rātou kei te pukumahi rātou i tētahi mea
• Te mōhio ka taea te whakararu i ētahi mea, ahakoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora

5 Ngā Āhuatanga o tētahi Hononga Haumaru

Ko te hunga he momo piri āwangawanga, he momo piri karo rānei, he mataku kei ngaro tā rātou hoa, he tino mōhio rānei ka whakarērea rātou. Ka puta he āwangawanga nui me te kore haumaru i roto i ō rātou whanaungatanga. Ki te whai whakaaro koe ki tēnei, kāore koe e manukanuka ki te whai hononga haumaru. Ahakoa te momo piri o nāianei, ka taea e koe te mahi ki te whai hononga hauora me tō hoa, me te poipoi i tētahi hononga haumaru i roto i ētahi atu whanaungatanga o tō ao.

Nā, me kōrero tātou mō ngā āhuatanga e rima o tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru me whai e koe:

1. "Koinei ahau" – Ka taea e koe te hura i tōu tuakiri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru

He hononga pono tō kōrua tetahi ki tetahi mēnā ngā kōrerorero e huri ana hei tautohetohe ehara i te mea noa, ā, ka taea e koe te mahi i ēnei e whai ake nei:

• Ka taea e koe te kōrero mō ngā mea taumaha, pōuri, me ngā mea whakapoauau
• Ki te mea he autism koe, ka taea e koe te whakaatu i tō āhua i mua i tō hoa. Ka taea e koe te whakaohooho, ka taea e koe te noho ko wai koe, me te kore e pupuri i a koe ki ngā paerewa neurotypical.
• Ahakoa te momo io, kāore koe e noho mokemoke me ō kare ā-roto uaua ki te whakahaere i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru.
• Ka taea e koe te kōrero tuwhera mō tō ira tangata me tō tinana, ā, kaua e manukanuka ki te miharo i a rātou
• Ki te mea ka pā mai he moe kino, he moe whakarihariha rānei ki a kōrua, ka taea e kōrua te kata tahi mō taua moe ā muri ake nei.
• Ka taea e koe te tautohetohe mō ngā mea e nui ana ki a koe, ā, ka mōhio koe ka whakarongo mai rātou ki a koe
• Kāore he kawenga mai i ō whanaungatanga o mua, kei te pai rānei koe ki te whakaora i aua whanaungatanga
• Kāore koe e ruarua ana i ngā wheako o tētahi ki tētahi, ā, e whakawhirinaki ana ki ngā kōrero a tētahi atu

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Awhi i te Whakaraeraetanga o te Kare ā-roto: Te Whakatenatena i ngā Tāne ki te Whakaatu i ō rātou Kare ā-roto

2. "Koinei taku e hiahia ana kia noho" – Kei a koe te mana ki te tūhura i tō tuakiri i roto i tētahi hononga haumaru

E kī ana a Niyatii, "Ko te mea nui ko te noho haumaru tinana me tō hoa rangatira, ahakoa mō te haumaru whaiaro, mō te haumaru moepuku rānei. E whakaaro ana koe ka taea e koe te noho ngoikore me tō hoa rangatira me te kore e manukanuka ki tō haumaru. He mea nui rawa atu tēnei mō ngā morehu o ngā whara o mua, o te tukino tamariki rānei, e uaua ana ki te noho haumaru i te taha o ētahi atu."

Ka tautoko hoki ngā hoa i a rātou anō i ēnei huarahi e whai ake nei:

• Ka tautoko rātou i ngā moemoeā me ngā mahi whakangahau a tetahi ki tetahi
• He kaiwhaiwhai rātou tetahi ki tetahi, he kaiāwhina hoki
• Ka kōrero tahi rātou i ētahi wā mō te kounga o te whanaungatanga, ngā take whakaaetanga, te taupatupatu tautohe, me ētahi atu, nā te mea e mōhio ana rātou ka taea e te tangata te whanake haere i tōna tuakiri me ōna whakapono
• Tērā pea ka miharo rātou ki ngā panonitanga e kitea ana e rātou i roto i tētahi atu, engari i te mutunga ka whanake ngātahi rātou.
• Kua kite rātou i tā rātou hoa rangatira i roto i ngā panonitanga me ngā wāhanga maha o te ao, ā, kua rite rātou mō ngā huringa maha atu anō.
• Mā te Hoa A e āwhina te Hoa B kia kite i te mamae o te hoa B, ā, mārire hoki e ārahi te āhua o te mamae.
• He wāhi kei roto i te whanaungatanga hei whakaatu i a koe anō, me te āhua hoki e hiahia ana koe kia noho ai a muri ake nei.

3. "Koinei te wāhi kāore au e whakaae ki a koe" – E aroha ana tō hoa ki a koe mā roto i ngā whakaaetanga me ngā whakahē

Kāore koe e hiahia kia kotahi te whakaaro o tō hoa aroha. Me taea e kōrua te tuku urupare tetahi ki tetahi, me te kore e wehi kei ngaro rātou. Ka horomia e tātou ā tātou kupu whakahē, ngā rerekētanga whakaaro, te riri, te whakahē hanga, ngā hiahia me ngā rohe matua kāore e tutukihia, me ngā āwangawanga whanaungatanga ina whakaaro tātou ka whanonga tō tātou hoa i ēnei ara e whai ake nei:

• Ka whakarērea koe e rātou
• Ka aukati rātou i a koe, i ētahi wā mā te te hamama me te hamama
• Ka kati rātou i a rātou anō, ā, he hoha ki a koe te whakarewa i tā rātou tiaki ki ngā tono, ki ngā whakapāha, me ngā whakamanawa.
• Ka meinga koe e rātou kia pōuri mō te whai hiahia, whai whakaaro rānei koe
• Ka whakahawea rātou ki tō whakaaro, ka whakarērea rānei
• Ka kata rātou ki a koe

4. "Koinei taku e hiahia ana" – Ka whakapuaki koe i ō hiahia kare ā-roto me te māia

Ka taea e koe te tono mō ō hiahia kare ā-roto i roto i te huarahi hauora. Kāore koe e whiriwhiri kia noho pukuriri, kia whakatoi rānei kia rangona ai koe. I roto i te whanaungatanga haumaru, e whakapono ana koe kei te aro tō hoa ki ngā mea nui ki a koe. Hei tauira: "E mōhio ana ahau kei te hiamoe koe i muri i te taatai, engari kei te whakarērea ahau ina mahue ohorere ahau ko au anake i muri i tētahi wheako kaha me te ngoikore. Tēnā koa, me awhi mai koe i ahau mō ētahi meneti, me kihi i tōku rae, i tōku paparinga rānei, me te whakamōhio mai kei te aroha koe ki ahau i muri i te taatai? Mā tēnā ahau e āwhina kia rongo i te mana whakahaere me te arohaina."

Te pānui e pā ana: Me aha koe mēnā kei te momotu koe i tō hoa?

5. "Koinei taku e pai ai ki te mahi māu" – E whakapono ana kōrua ki te utu mō ngā mahi

E ai ki a Niyatii, i roto i te hononga ōrite, hauora hoki, ka whakawhirinaki ngā hoa e rua tetahi ki tetahi ki te tīmata me te tiaki i ngā mea penei:

• Te whakatakoto mahere nui, mahere iti hoki – te tūtaki ki te whānau, te haere rānei ki tētahi rā, me ētahi atu.
• Te whakatau i ngā whakataunga pūtea
• Te tīmatanga o te moepuku
• Te kukume i ō rātou kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga

Ka whakahuatia hoki e koe ō herenga, ō rohe, me ngā mea e kore e taea te whakakore i ngā whakaritenga, ā, e tumanako ana koe kia pērā anō hoki tāu hoa rangatira. Pēnei i tēnei:

• "Kua rite ahau ki te kōrero ki a koe, ki te whakarongo ki a koe, engari kāore e taea e au te whai wāhi atu ki te kōrero mō aku whanaungatanga o mua"
• "Me whai wāhi ahau "Mōku ake nei, ka tukuna atu e au he karere ki a koe āpōpō"
• "He take tēnei i whakarērea ai rātou e au i mua"
• "Kāore au i te tino pai ki ngā waea ataata i roto i te whanaungatanga i tēnei wā tonu, me tatari tāua kia rite te taumata o te whakamarie tetahi ki tetahi?"
• "Kāore e taea e au te tūtaki ki a koe i ngā wāhi haruru nā te mea ka whakararuraru i ahau. Me tūtaki tāua ki tētahi wāhi marino?"

Me pēhea te mahi ki te whai hononga haumaru

E kōrero ana a Niyatii mō te hanga hononga haumaru me tō hoa, "Mā te kaha ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, ō hiahia, me ō wawata i roto i te taiao kore whakahāwea ka noho haumaru te tangata." E kī ana ia ko te whakawhirinaki he pou hoki o te whanaungatanga aroha, ā, ka hangaia i roto i te wā mā te pono, te pono, me te auau.

"He mea nui anō hoki te whakaute i ngā rohe, ngā whakapono, me ngā whakaaro o tētahi ki tētahi kia noho haumaru ai tō hoa. Kaua e ngana ki te whakarerekē i tō hoa, engari, kia aroha ki a rātou," tāna tāpiri. Anei tētahi rārangi mahi e taunaki ana mātou hei whakatipu i tētahi momo piripono haumaru:

1. Whakamanahia ngā wheako o tō hoa, inā koa ngā mea kāore e taea e koe te hono atu ki a ia

Kei roto i tēnei ko ngā wheako o te whakahāwea me te whakaaro pākiki. Kāore he mea i pai ake ai tōku noho haumaru atu i te whakaipoipo i te hunga kua whakamana i aku wheako o te tiriti whakatoi puremu me te tukino ā-ira tangata, kua kite nei i ahau he tangata kore-rua, he tangata takatāpui hoki. He rite te kitea ki te noho haumaru. He mea whakaora te kite i ō wheako e whakamanahia ana, ā, e hanga ana i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau.

Waihoki, ki te mea he tāne koe kua akona tonutia kia 'tāne', kāore he mea hei whakamarie i a koe i te wā e whakapuaki ana koe i ō mataku, i ō hiahia kua pehia, i te hiahia mō te whanaungatanga piripono me te aroha, me ngā whanaungatanga o mua i kino, i tukino rānei i a koe. E kī ana a Niyatii, "Ko te noho ngoikore me te pono mō ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto, ahakoa he uaua ki te whakapuaki, me te hanga hononga hohonu ki tō hoa - he tohu katoa ēnei o tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru."

2. KA whawhai koe — whakaaetia tēnā, ā, akohia te whawhai

Te whawhai tika ā, i te mea kei te noho haumaru koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga – me i whakaakona ahau ki tēnei i te kura. Kāore au e kōrero ana mō ngā rerekētanga e pā ana ki ngā tika tangata o tētahi. Hei tauira, ki te hiahia kōrua ki te tautohetohe mō ngā tika ira tāne, mō te kaupapa tautoko-kōwhiri rānei, kāore pea kōrua e pai mō tētahi ki tētahi.

Engari ina whawhai ana koe mō ngā mea e whakaaro ai koe, e hamama ai rānei, "ĀE! He aha koe i pēnei ai i ngā wā katoa?", tirohia te āhua o te pakanga e meinga ai koe kia noho haumaru. I taua wā o te pakanga, anei ngā mea hei maumahara:

• Kaua e tangohia ngā mea katoa kia whaiaro
• Mānuhia te manawa i roto i te tinana, ā, kia tata mai te wai (kaua e whiua ki tō hoa).
• Me whakakorikori tonu mēnā e tika ana, ka āwhina i te whakahaere i tō pūnaha io
• Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakatika i tētahi tauira whanonga, whakapāha engari me whakaatu hoki te ngākau aroha
• Ki te hiahia koe ki te tuku urupare ki a rātou, kia ngawari
• Kia kaha tonu ki te ako mō tō hoa, kaua e whakaaro kua mōhio katoa koe ki a ia nā te mea kua tekau tau kōrua e noho tahi ana.
• Kaua e kōrero mō ngā wheako o tō hoa rangatira
• Kaua e haere ohorere atu, kaua hoki e tūpato ina ngana ana rātou ki te kōrero ki a koe
• Whakawāteahia he wāhi, he wā hoki hei whakamarie i a koe anō, engari me whakamōhio atu hoki ki a rātou. Kaua e "whakamarie noa" i tētahi tautohe
• Kia maumahara kei te aroha kōrua tetahi ki tetahi ahakoa kāore kōrua e whakaae ana
• Kia maumahara koe ehara tēnei i te pakanga mō 'ko wai te tika,' engari me pēhea te whakatutuki i te whanaungatanga nui ake mā te whakakore i tēnei rerekētanga.

Te pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā Huarahi Hei Hono Anō I Muri I Te Pakanga Nui

3. Puritia taua waea kia tawhiti, ā, kia kaha te whakarongo

Me noho koe hei wāhi haumaru mō tō hoa ki te kōrero mō ngā mea katoa i raro i te rā. Me whakaū koe kei te tino tautoko koe i a rātou.

E ai ki a Niyatii, "Ko te whakarongo kaha ko te aro nui ki tō hoa, me te rapu mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga. Ina whakarongo kaha koe, ka taea e koe te whakamana i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā hiahia o tō hoa, ā, ka āwhina i a rātou kia noho haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e koe te tīmata mā te whakamahi i te tikanga o te pātai i ngā pātai tuwhera, te whakarāpopoto i ngā tirohanga a tō hoa, me te karo i te whakakore i a rātou."

4. Kia rite ki te toka, ki te pakitara, ki te whenua totoka, ki te urunga rānei

He aha rānei tāu e pai ai. He toka mō ā rātou tupuhi, he pakitara hei okiokinga mā rātou, he whenua pakari hei taunga mō rātou, he urunga hei whakangawari i te pānga. Kāore he mea e tuku tohu marino ana ki te hinengaro o te tangata ina mōhio rātou kei te kāinga, kei te ao rānei hei tautoko i a rātou. Ko te hunga i roto i te hononga pumau ā, me te whānau tautoko, he pai ake te mahi me te hauora. Ko te mea nui ko te whai paraikete haumaru.

• Whakaatuhia te pumau o ngā whanonga, ngā mahi, me tō aroaro
• Ahakoa kei roto koe i te hononga kotahi, maha rānei, kia pono tonu koe ki tō hoa.
• Whakamanahia tō hoa rangatira mō tōna uara i te ao me tō oranga
• Kia noho koe hei tangata haumaru i ngā wā pai me ngā wā kino

rangahau e whakaae ana. "Ka taea e te tautoko pāpori pai o te kounga teitei te whakarei ake i te manawanui ki te ahotea, te āwhina ki te tiaki i te whanaketanga o te hinengaro hinengaro e pā ana ki te whara, te whakaiti i ngā hua mahi o ngā mate i puta mai i te whara, pērā i te mate ahotea muri-traumatic (PTSD), me te whakaiti i te mate me te mate hauora."

5. Kaua e wareware ki ā rātou tono mō te whanaungatanga piripono

E ai ki rangahau, "Ko ngā tono he ngana katoa a te hoa, mā te kōrero, mā te kore kōrero rānei, ki te hono atu ki te hoa kē." Ko te mea e pai ai, e haumaru ai te whanaungatanga ko "te kaha o te tokorua ki te aro atu ki ēnei hiahia wawe mō te hononga, me te aro atu ki ēnei hiahia wawe mō te hononga."

Anei ētahi tauira e toru. Mā te āhua o tō urupare ki ēnei tono ka whai wāhi atu ki te haumaru o te ngākau i roto i tō whanaungatanga:

• I kōrero mai tō hoa mahi mō tētahi whakatutukitanga iti e mōhio ana koe he mea nui ki a ia: "I taea e au te whakatakoto i tētahi rohe me taku hoa mahi i tēnei rā." I whakautu koe me te harikoa me te whakahīhī? I whakakorekore koe i taua whakautu? I mea rānei koe, i mea rānei koe, "He pai tēnā," ā, ka neke atu ki tētahi atu kaupapa?
• I kōrero tō hoa mō tā rāua wānanga me tā rāua kaiwhakaora whānau, me te āhua o tō rāua marino i muri i taua wānanga. I mōhio koe he wā uaua tā rāua e pā ana ki tēnā. I pātai atu koe ki a rāua mō tā rāua wānanga me te aro nui me te manaaki?
• Ka neke atu tō hoa ki a koe i muri i te moe tāne, i muri rānei i te whakatau pakanga, ā, ka ata whakatakoto i tōna ringa ki tō mata. Ka neke koe ki tētahi atu taha, ka whakahoki rānei koe i te aroha?

6. Kōrero atu ki a rātou he tino waimarie koe, he tino whakawhetai hoki ki te whai i a rātou i roto i tō koiora

Kaua e whakahawea ki te atawhai o tō hoa, ki ngā whakaaturanga aroha, ki ngā patunga tapu, ki ngā āhuatanga pai, ki te aroaro, me ngā mahi o ia rā o te whakahaere whare, o te mahi rānei. E kī ana tā mātou tohunga, "He mana nui te whakawhetai. Whakamaua he tikanga ki te whakapuaki i te maioha ki tō hoa mā roto i ō reo aroha. Ngāna kia mārama ki ngā mea e whakawhetai ana koe, pērā i tā rātou tikanga o te whakakatakata rānei tā rātou tautoko i roto i tētahi wā uaua.”

He pāpā tukino tinana, tukino kare ā-roto hoki tō te kaiwaiata-kaituhi waiata a Christina Aguilera. I kī ia i noho haumaru ia i tōna tamarikitanga, ā, "ko tōna oranga katoa he whawhai, he rere rānei". I whakapuaki ia i tōna mihi ki tana tāne o taua wā, me te kī ko tana whanaungatanga haumaru kare ā-roto ki a Jordan Bratman i āwhina i a ia ki te wawahi i te huringa tukino i mau tonu i a ia mai i tōna tamarikitanga.

7. Kāore he mea e pai ake ai te wā kounga hei huarahi ki te waihanga i tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru

Ki te mea he onge te kitenga i a kōrua, ki te noho rānei i ngā tāone rerekē, mā te waea atu, te tuku karere kuputuhi, te tuku reo poto, me te tuku whakaahua o tō kōrua oranga, o kōrua rānei, ka āwhina i a kōrua kia noho haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Ka kōrero a Niyatii mō te whai hononga haumaru mō te hunga e tūtaki pinepine ana, "Whakaritea he wā i ia wiki ki te mahi tahi i tētahi mea ngahau, whai tikanga rānei, ahakoa he hikoi, he tunu kai, he peita, he mahi toi, he pānui pukapuka, he mātakitaki kiriata rānei. Kia tupato ki te karo i ngā mea whakararuraru pēnei i te waea, i te pouaka whakaata rānei, ā, kia arotahi ki te pārekareka ki te noho tahi."

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8. Waiho ngā rerekētanga iti me te kore e pupuri i te mauahara

He tangata māia te tangata e mārama ana he rerekē tonu ngā tikanga, ngā āhuatanga, me ngā whakaaro o rāua ko tōna hoa. Ka taea e tēnei pūkenga te waiho hei merekara mō tō whanaungatanga aroha. Ngāna kia mārama mēnā ko te mea e kitea ana e koe i roto i tō hoa he: i) he rerekētanga iti, ii) he hapa, iii) he tauira whanonga whara.

Ki te mea ko te tuatahi, tukua atu i te wā e taea ai. Ki te mea ko ngā mea whakamutunga e rua, me kōrero mārie, me kōrero pūmau, ā, me whakatakoto rohe, ā, ki te tae atu ki te whakataunga o te raruraru, me … tuku atu. I tētahi atu taha, e whakatūpato ana a Niyatii, "Tērā pea ka warewarehia e te tangata te murunga hara a ō rātou hoa, me te kore e whakaae ki ā rātou hapa, me te kore hoki e mahi kaha ki te houhanga rongo. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te mihi."

9. Puritia ō ringaringa, kia māhaki

Mai i aku ake wheako mō ngā whanaungatanga o nāianei me ngā whanaungatanga o mua, kāore he mea e whakanui ake ana i te whanaungatanga piripono atu i te pupuri ringa me tētahi hoa takatāpui i a tātou e hikoi ana i te huarahi kī tonu i ngā cishets. Ka taea e tēnei mahi iti te whakakatakata, te toa hoki, ā, ka āwhina i a tātou kia noho haumaru i roto i tētahi ao whakamataku.

E mea ana a Niyatii, "He mahi ngāwari te pupuri ringa hei āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia piripono, kia haumaru hoki i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga. Ngāna kia pupuri ringa i a kōrua e hikoi tahi ana, e mātaki ana i te pouaka whakaata, e noho tahi ana rānei."

10. Kōrero atu ki a rātou e aroha ana koe ki a rātou – Me whakamahi e koe aua kupu e toru

"Engari e mōhio ana rātou e aroha ana ahau ki a rātou, kāore au e hiahia ki te kī atu," te kī a te tini o te tangata o te whakatupuranga o ō tātou mātua mō ā rātou hoa rangatira. E mōhio ana tātou ināianei he wā pehi aua wā, ehara i te mea hei wawata mā tātou. E kī ana tā mātou tohunga, "He huarahi kaha tēnei hei whakanui ake i te whanaungatanga piripono. Whakatakotoria he tikanga hauora ki te kī "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe" i ia rā, ahakoa he kanohi ki te kanohi, he waea, he mā roto rānei i te ngā karere kuputuhi ātaahua. "

11. Whakaritea he tikanga mō te whanaungatanga piripono kia noho haumaru ai koe me tō hoa

E mea ana ia, "Whakarārangihia ngā mea ka mahia e koe i ia rā. Pēnei i te awhi mō te toru meneti, te kihi tetahi i tetahi, te pātai "Kei te pēhea tō rā? Tirohia ō kanohi ina kōrero ana rātou." Kātahi ka 'whakarongo' ka whakautu ki tā rātou whakautu. Whakapūmau i a koe ki ngā mahi iti engari he whai tikanga. Ka taea hoki e koe te miharo tetahi i tetahi i ia wā me ngā reta aroha iti, ngā koha iti rānei i runga i te tēpu taha kia kitea e rātou ina oho ake rātou, i roto rānei i te putea pona kia menemene ai rātou ina tae ki te mahi.

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12. Arotahi ki ngā āhuatanga pai o tētahi ki tētahi

E mea ana a Niyatii, "Whakamihi tetahi i tetahi i ngā wā katoa e taea ana e kōrua, he kanohi ki te kanohi, he aroaro hoki i te marea." Puritia he rātaka tūmataiti, he tuhipoka matihiko rānei, ā, me tāpiri tonu ki tēnei rārangi e tipu haere tonu ana o ngā āhuatanga pai o tō tangata tino pai ki a ia.

Mo tenei ako"I harikoa ake te tangata i roto i ā rātou whanaungatanga ina whakatauirahia e rātou ā rātou hoa hei mea pai, ā, i whakatauirahia hoki rātou e ā rātou hoa hei mea pai. Ina huihuia, e whakaatu ana ēnei hua he āhuatanga nui pea tētahi taumata o te whakatauira, o te whakaaro pohehe rānei, o te whakamānawa i ngā whanaungatanga whakaipoipo, tae noa ki te marena."

13. Hokona, waihangahia rānei he koha hei whakamarie i tō whanaungatanga

Kaore matou e korero ana te poma aroha te tangata kē atu, te hoko rānei i ngā koha utu nui mā rātou. Anei ētahi mea ka taea e koe te hoatu ki tō hoa rangatira kia noho māia ai rātou mō tō aroha:

• He taonga whai tikanga e pupuri ana i tētahi maharatanga mā kōrua
• He kāri ā-ringa
• He kai/taonga, kua tunua, kua tonoa rānei
• He rotarota i titoa e koe mā rātou, he waiata rānei i hopukina e koe mā rātou i runga i tō waea pūkoro
• Ngā hua me ngā huawhenua – ko te tikanga, me hoko mai ngā mea whai hua e mōhio ana koe e hiahiatia ana e rātou
• He tātuhi/tuhi/peita o rāua, o kōrua tahi, o tētahi mea e arohaina ana e rāua, o tētahi kiripuaki pakiwaitara e pārekareka ana ki a rāua, o ō rāua mātua, o tā rāua mōkai, me ētahi atu.
• He puawai kotahi
• He wheako motuhake ka waihangahia e koe me rātou, ā, mā rātou anō hoki

14. Kia pono, kia kōrero mō te moni

"He huarahi whānui mō te te whakaatu i tō aroha ki tō hoa rangatira "mā te whakapūmau i tō rātou heke mai ā-pūtea," te kī a Faisa Stafford, te Perehitini me te Tumu Whakahaere Matua o Life Happens. "Inaa, 59% o te iwi ka nui ake te haumaru i roto i tā rātou whanaungatanga mēnā ka kōrero rātou mō te inihua ora."

A porowhita i kitea e 39% o ngā kaiwhakautu e whakapono ana ko te penapena moni te huarahi pai rawa atu e whakaatu ai rātou i tō rātou aroha ki tā rātou hoa, ā, e 67% e whakaae ana kāore he mea e ātaahua ake ana i te penapena moni. Neke atu i te 35% i kī ko te hoko kaupapa here inihua ora, ko te whakarite mahere mutunga-o-te-oranga rānei he huarahi hei whakaatu i te aroha.

Ka tāpiri atu a Niyatii, "Ka taea e ngā pakanga pūtea te arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te koretake, te whakama rānei, inā koa mō ngā tāne nā te mea kāore i te tika te tumanako kia whāngai rātou i te whānau katoa. Ka taea e tēnei te waihanga i te kore taurite o te mana i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te pouri me te kore āwhina. Hei whakamutunga, ko te kore o te haumarutanga pūtea ka taea te whakararu i te hononga kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa me te kino ki ō rātou hauora hinengaro."

He āwhina ēnei tūāpapa me ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru hei whakamarie i a tātou i roto i te tinana me te hinengaro, hei whakamarie hoki i a tātou anō, ahakoa kāore pea i pāngia e ēnei momo wheako e ōna kaitiaki matua.

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Nā te moe i roto i ngā moenga motuhake i hari ai rāua

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.