Me pēhea te whakaatu i te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga — 9 ngā huarahi

TE WHAKAARO. I waiatatia tēnei e te kaiwaiata rongonui a Aretha Franklin. Kua tuhia ngā pukapuka mō tēnei. He mea nui te whakaute hei kaupapa mō tētahi whanaungatanga angitu, ahakoa he whanaungatanga aroha, he whanaungatanga rerekē rānei. Engari he aha te tikanga o te whakaatu whakaute? Ki tā ētahi he tohu whakamoemiti. Ki tā ētahi he tika tangata taketake. Ko te whakaute i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga – arā, he whanaungatanga aroha – he tohu ōritetanga o ngā hoa tokorua. E tohu ana i tētahi āhuatanga kāore he tangata "hiranga ake" i tētahi atu. E whakaae ana ngā tāngata e rua ki tētahi atu me te mea ko rātou anō, ā, e whakanui ana i ō rātou ahurei. 

Ki te kore koe e whakawhirinaki, e whakatakoto kaupapa matua, e whakaute hoki i tō hoa, ka taea e koe te māia kāore he whanaungatanga aroha e whanake. Ko ngā whanaungatanga hauora e hiahia ana ki te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. Heoi, he mea nui te whakatutuki i ō ake hiahia, pērā i te hanga whakaute mō ngā rohe me te wāhi whaiaro o tō hoa. 

He aha te tikanga o te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga? 

i roto i te ako mō te whakaute i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tata, i kōrerohia te tauira Gottman mō ngā whanaungatanga, inā koa e pā ana ki te korenga o te tūranga o te whakaute. E kī ana tētahi kairangahau marena, "Ko te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mahi tahi māua i roto i ngā tau kua pahure ake nei, e rua noa ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e rātou mai i tētahi whanaungatanga - ko te Aroha me te whakaute." He maha ngā huarahi hei tiro ki te whakaute me aroha i roto i te hononga. Me titiro tātou ki ngā momo whakaaro mō tēnei kaupapa:

• Te maimoatanga o ia rā ki te hoa: E ai ki ētahi ko te whakaute kei roto i te āhua o te manaaki a te tokorua i a rāua anō i ia rā, i ia rā. He iti ake ngā tautohe, he nui ake te aroha.
• Te whawhai ki te aroha: E whakapono ana ētahi kāore te whanaungatanga hauora e tohu i te kore tautohetohe, te kore pakanga rānei. Ko te mea nui kei te huarahi e arohia ai ēnei whakahē.
• Te uara mō te whakaaro o tētahi atu: He māramatanga tō tetahi ki tetahi mō ngā mea e kawea mai ana e tetahi ki te tēpu? Ka whakanuia e te hoa whakaute te whakaaro o tetahi, ā, ka whakarongo puku atu.
• Tohatoha: Me tuku e te oranga o ia rā i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga te wairua herekore me te tuakiri. He tokomaha e whakaaro ana koinei te tauira o tētahi hononga whakaute
• He mea nui ake te whakaute i a koe anō: E kī ana tētahi kura whakaaro he mea nui kia kaha te whakaute i a koe anō. Ki te kore te whakaute i a koe anō, me te pupuri i ō ake rohe, kāore e taea te hanga whanaungatanga hauora ki ētahi atu. Whakaponohia kei a koe te tika mō ō paerewa teitei. Kia tūpato ki ō ake kare ā-roto me tō tirohanga ki a koe anō. Whakarongo ki ō ake hiahia, tiaki i tō oranga me tō hauora hinengaro, me te whakahonore i te tangata katoa e noho pū ana koe.

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A pepa rangahau mō te whakaute me te aroha i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, ka tūhuratia te tikanga o te whakaute ki ngā tāngata rerekē. E ai ki ā rātou kitenga, "Ko te whakamāramatanga e whakawhirinaki ana ki te wāhi me te momo whanaungatanga." E mea ana ko te whakaute te tikanga mō "te tangata e tika ana kia whakangaohia tōna wā me tōna kaha. He wāhanga nui te whakaute o te whanaungatanga tangata, i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono, whaiaro me ngā whanaungatanga tūranga ōkawa, ina ko te whakaute he wāhanga o te ngākau atawhai. Inaa, he mea herea ki te nuinga o ngā whanaungatanga (hei tauira, te hoa rangatira, te whānau, ngā hoa)."

Te hanga whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga — He rārangi arowhai e 8 ngā tohu

Hei āwhina i a kōrua ko tō hoa kia mārama ki te tikanga o te whakaute ki a kōrua i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, pānuihia tēnei rārangi pātai ki a kōrua: 

• He aha te tikanga ki a koe whakawhanake i te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga me tō hoa rangatira? 
• He rohe pakari tōu e kore e taea te whiti? 
• He tuwhera ō kare ā-roto? Ka taea e koe te kōrero pono?
• E whakapuaki ana koe i ō urupare, ā, e pai ana ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera? 
• E whakawhirinaki ana koe ki tō hoa aroha? 
• E hoatu ana e koe te wā me te kaha e tika ana mō tō whanaungatanga? 
• Ki tō whakaaro, he aha te mea e whakahaere ana i te whanonga? 
• Me pēhea e whakaatu ai koe i te whakaute? Homai ētahi tauira o te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga

He aha te mea e tino hira ai te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga

Me tīmata ia whanaungatanga hou mā te kōrero mō ngā tumanakohanga a ia hoa, me te matapaki i ētahi whanonga whakaute i roto i te huarahi whai hua. Mā tēnei, ka taea e koe te whakarite i te whanaungatanga kia angitu. Ā, he aha te mea e kīia ana mō te whanaungatanga o tētahi ina kite koe te whakaute i waenganui i ngā hoa mahiKoinei te tohu:

• Ko te noho tahi o ngā hoa rangatira e rua i roto i te whanaungatanga e tohu ana i te aroha nui
• Ina whakanuia te tokorua, ko te tikanga e whakaae ana rāua ki tā rāua hoa mō rāua anō, tae atu ki ngā ngoikoretanga me ngā mea katoa. 
• Ko te whanonga whakaute e tohu ana i tētahi taumata manawanui me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono kua whakatūria kētia
• Ko te whanaungatanga e whakaatu ana i te whakaute ka uru mai te whakawhirinaki me te whakapuaki i a koe anō
• Kāore he wāhi mō te whakapehapeha ina rite te hiranga o ngā whakatutukitanga a tō hoa ki āu ake

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Ngā painga o te whakaute i tō hoa rangatira

Mā te whai turanga pakari mō te whanonga whakaute ka taea te whakarerekē i ō taunekeneke, ā, ka hohonu ake te hononga ki tētahi hoa. Kia whakatakotoria ngā turanga mō tētahi whanaungatanga whakaute, ka puta mai he maha ngā painga. Anei ētahi painga o te whai whakaute i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga: 

• Te pono: Ko te whakaute ki tō hoa rangatira e akiaki ana i te pono me te whakapau kaha mō te wā roa
• Te whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata: Ka taea e te whanaungatanga harikoa i runga i te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi te whakapai ake i tō oranga taatai
• Te tipu takitahi: Ki te pupuri tonu koe i te whakaute mō tō hoa, ka akiaki koe i ā rāua whāinga, ā, ka waihangahia he taiao tautoko e taea ai e kōrua te angitu.
• Ngā rohe me te whakatau pakanga: Mā te hononga kaha ka mārama tahi tetahi ki tetahi ki ngā rohe o tetahi. He hononga hohonu ake nā te pono me te korero tuwhera ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi. Mā te whakaute i ngā rohe i roto i te whanaungatanga ka taea hoki te whakaputa i ngā momo tautohetohe hauora me te whakatau pakanga.
• He pai hauora hinengaro: Ko te pikinga ake o te harikoa me te whakaute i a ia anō ka arahi ki te oranga whānui o ngā tāngata e rua 
• Mahi mahi: Mā te neke i te arotahi mai i ō ake hiahia ki ngā hiahia o tō hoa me te whanaungatanga whānui, ka pai ake ngā kōwhiringa ka mahia ngātahi e kōrua.
• Te whakapuaki whaiaroMā te whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i te whakaute tetahi i tetahi ka whakarei ake i te whakawhirinaki, ā, ka waihangahia he wāhi haumaru mō ngā kare ā-roto katoa me te whakapuakitanga o te tangata ake.
• Te tiaki-whaiaro: Ka āwhina i a koe kia whakaaro he mea nui koe, ka akiaki i a koe ki te tiaki i a koe anō. Ina mahi koe i te tiaki i a koe anō, ka haumi koe ki a koe anō me tō whanaungatanga aroha anō hoki.

Ā, ko te mea nui i runga i te keke tūturu ko te mea hou ako i whakatau ko te whakaute i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka nui ake te tūponotanga mō te roa o te wā me te whakapau kaha. 

Me pēhea te whakaatu i te whakaute ki tō hoa

I mua i tā tātou urunga atu ki ngā take me ngā huarahi hei whakaatu i te whakaute, kia mārama tātou: Ko te whakaute ehara i te mea he tangata pēhi. Ina whakaatu koe i te whakaute ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, ka taea tonu e koe te pupuri i tō ake tuakiri. Ka taea tonu e koe pupuri i ō rohe whaiaro, kia māia, kia noho i roto i tētahi hononga aroha, kaha hoki. Mā te aro ki ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa me ōu ake kare ā-roto, ka hangaia e koe he whanaungatanga hauora ka taea te haere ki tawhiti. 

Anei ngā huarahi māmā e iwa hei whakaatu i te whakaute o tō hoa rangatira i roto i te oranga o ia rā: 

1. Whakarongo, ako hoki

I mea atu a Priyanka Chopra i mua i tana marena ki a Nick Jonas, "He pono, koinei te mea i pai ki ahau; me noho ia hei tangata e whakaute ana i a koe ... Kātahi ka tino māmā ngā mea katoa nā te mea ka mihi tetahi ki tetahi mō tō kōrua mohio; ka mihi tetahi ki tetahi ki te painga o te ruarua nā te mea ka whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi."

Ko ētahi whanonga whakaute i roto i tētahi hauora, hononga kaha i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine: 

• He tohu o te pakeketanga me te tipu ina taea e koe te kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira kāore e aro nui ki te whakatau.
• E tuwhera ana kōrua ki ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi, ā, e rite ana ki te whakarongo me te kore e peke ki te tiaki i tō tūnga, e tautohetohe noa rānei.
• Ina rite koe ki te whakarongo ki ngā kōrero a tētahi atu, ka taea e koe te whakamana i ō ake kare ā-roto me te kore e nui rawa te mana whakahaere.
• Ka maioha koe ki ngā mea e kawea mai ana e tō hoa, ā, ka meinga rātou kia rongohia. Ka tāpirihia e tēnei te maioha me te whakapau kaha ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

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2. Ko te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te tirotiro i ō kare ā-roto me ō kare ā-roto hoki o tō hoa 

He tere te neke o te ao. Ko aua rā tīmatanga, ngā rā whakahihiri o te whanaungatanga aroha, ka ngāwari te mau ki roto i te mahi o ngā mahi me te hoha. Engari he mea nui kia wehea he wā ki te tirotiro i ō kare ā-roto me ngā mahi a tō hoa. Pātai atu ki a koe anō ēnei mea e whai ake nei:

• Kei te whakaute koe me tō hoa i ngā rohe i roto i te whanaungatanga?
• Kei te whakaute koe i te wā i roto i te whanaungatanga ka noho tahi kōrua?
• Kei te mahi matatau koe, kei te mahi hoki i ngā mea e tika ana ngā mea iti e hari ai rātou?
• Kei te whakapau kaha koe ki te mihi ki ngā whakatutukitanga a tō hoa?

Ahakoa te āhua nei kāore ēnei mea i te nui, ka honoa mai, ka waihangahia he taiao tautoko me te whanaungatanga whakaute. ako Mō ngā take noa o te noho motumotu i roto i ngā marena, e kī ana ngā kairangahau, "Me whai kōrero mārama, auau hoki te marena mō ngā āhuatanga katoa o te ao. Ko te whakatau i ētahi whakatau me te kore kōrero, me te kore e huna i ngā tikanga, ka whakaiti i te whakawhirinaki, te hononga, me te piripono." 

3. Mā te ako ki te kōrero pai ka kitea te whakaute ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe

He whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono kāore e whakaahuatia hei whakaeke – Koinā te moemoeā, tika? Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua me te whakaute ka rite ki tēnei: 

• Haere mai, i ngā wā katoa e taea ana e koe, ina tono mai tō hoa mō tētahi mea 
• Murua ngāwari, ā, tangohia te kawenga mō āu ake mahi 
• Whakaaturia te whakawhetai ki tō hoa rangatira mā roto i ngā kupu me ngā mahi 
• Kia takaro, kia whakatoi, engari kaua e kopikopiko ki ngā whanonga tukino me te whakahē nui rawa
• He mea nui te aro ki ngā kaha o tō hoa rangatira  
• Kaua rawa e takahi i te muna me te whakawhirinakitanga 
• Whakakapia te whakatoi ki te reo pai. Tangohia ngā momo whakahawea katoa i roto i ō whanonga. 
• Tautokohia ā rātou kōwhiringa. Kia whakatenatena ahakoa ā rātou hapa. 
• Whakawāteahia he wāhi mō te huarahi ahurei a tō hoa ki te whakatau i te ao 
• Whakaaturia tō whakaute tetahi ki tetahi i mua i te aroaro o ētahi atu 

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4. Whakatakotoria tetahi ki tetahi ki mua 

Ina whakatakotoria tō whanaungatanga ki te tihi o tō rārangi, e whakaatu ana koe i te whakaute ki tō hoa. Ko te whakaaro nui tetahi ki tetahi he huarahi māmā ki te whakaatu he mea nui te tangata kē atu. He mea nui ki a koe tōna oranga. Ā, ka noho tahi koe me te aro atu ki a ia ina hiahiatia. He hiahia tangata kia hiahiatia, kia maiohahia hoki. Ina whakaatu koe ki tō hoa aroha ko ia te mea nui rawa atu i tō ao, ka hoatu e koe he wairua haumaru ki a ia, ā, ka whakakaha ake te hononga. 

Ko tētahi atu huarahi hei titiro ki tēnei ko te hoatu he wāhi ki tētahi ki tētahi hei whiriwhiri. I roto i tētahi miro Reddit mō ngā huarahi tūturu o ia rā hei whakaatu i te whakaute ki tāu tāne, he Reddit kaiwhakamahi i mea ia ko tētahi huarahi ki te mahi i tēnā ko te whakaute i tana kaupapa me tana wā. Ka mahi tēnei i ngā taha e rua, ahakoa te ira tangata. Me whakaae te tangata ki ētahi atu herenga i roto i te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, engari me mārama tonu ahakoa ēnei mea katoa, ko te tangata kē te mea tuatahi. 

5. Ko tētahi o ngā tauira matua o te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga: Kia mau tonu ngā rohe

Ko te whakaute i ēnei rohe he huarahi ki te whakapuaki i te whakaaro nui o tētahi ki tētahi, me te haumaru o te wāhi kua waihangahia e kōrua hei tokorua. Ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te whakarongo ki ngā mea e whakaaetia ana, e kore e whakaaetia e tō hoa, me te whakaute i ēnei hiahia. Ki te mea e whakanuia ana e koe tētahi atu tangata, ā, e hiahia ana koe kia noho tonu ki roto i tōna ao, me whai tikanga koe ki te whakaute i ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi. Ka taea e tā rāua whakapuakitanga i a rāua anō me te maia ki te whakawhanake me te puāwai hei hua.

Anei ētahi āhuatanga e whakautehia ai ngā rohe:

• Kia tika te wā me te rā e tūtaki ai koe ki tō hoa. He whakaatu tēnei i te whakaute ki a rātou, he rite tonu ki tā rātou i kōrero ai i mua ake nei, arā – Kāore rātou e pai ki ngā mahere koretake.
• Ko te tikanga o te rohe ko te kore e whakanui i tō reo ina tautohetohe koe nā te mea i kī mai tō hoa ki a koe i mua kāore ia e whakaae ki ngā reo nui i roto i ngā kōrerorero.
• Me hiahia he wā marino i muri i te rā roa o te mahi, me te te tono mō te wāhi he rohe tika tēnei hei pupuri. Ki te tukua koe e tō hoa, kātahi ka taunekeneke ki a koe, ka kōrero rānei mō tētahi take i muri i te mutunga o tō wā noho-mō-koe, ka whakaatu i te nui o tō rātou whakaute ki a koe.
• Pērā anō hoki te hiahia wā i mua i te moe tahi me tō hoa, ā, kāore rātou e whakaatu i tō hiahia ki a ia. Engari, ka akiaki rātou i a koe kia noho pūmau i te wā e moe tahi ana koe mā te tango i te wā e hiahiatia ana e koe.

6. Hoatu ki a rātou te wāhi e hiahiatia ana e rātou

I roto i tētahi miro kōrero a Quora mō te whakaatu i te whakaute ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, i whakahuatia pinepinetia tēnei kōrero. Cassie e whakamārama ana ka taea e koe tēnei "mā te tautoko i a rātou engari me te whakawhirinaki anō hoki ki a rātou kia pai ai ā rātou mahi." Tukua tō hoa ki te hanga i tōna ake ara. Ētahi atu tauira o te whanaungatanga whakaute e whakahonore ana i te wāhi:

• Te hoatu tetahi ki tetahi te herekore i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te whakatau i ngā kōwhiringa takitahi 
• Te tuku i te mana motuhake o ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe me ngā mea e kore e pai ki a koe 
• Te whakatau i runga i tō ake whakaaro
• Te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi ki te noho tahi me te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga engari kaua e noho kikī rawa
• Kāore e ngana ana ki te whakahaere tetahi i tetahi mā roto i ngā tauira tukino, i ngā whanonga whakaute rānei

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7. Whakaaturia te whakapau kaha tetahi ki tetahi hei whakaaturanga tino whakaute tetahi ki tetahi

Ki te mea kei te pirangi koe ki tētahi hononga aroha, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakaatu kei te whakanuia e koe ngā mea kei a kōrua, kāore he huarahi pai ake hei whakapuaki i te whakaute i te pono me te whakapau kaha. Ahakoa he uaua pea tēnei i ngā taha e rua, he tohu tēnei i te arotahi me te whakapau kaha ki te he hononga e kore e taea te whakaaro noa. Ina whakaute koe i tō hoa, ka whakatau hoki koe ki te whakapuaki i tō whanaungatanga ki te hunga e arohaina ana e koe.

Ko te whakapau kaha ki te mahi tahi me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, he tikanga anō hoki tēnei mō te ngoikore me te waihanga i tētahi taiao tautoko mō tō hoa aroha. Ina whakaatu kōrua i tō āhua tūturu ki tētahi atu, ā, ka oati kōrua ki te piri tahi ahakoa "te mate me te hara," ka puta he āhua maia me te whakatau e tino whakamarie ana. 

8. Tangohia te kawenga mō tō ake tūranga i roto i te whanaungatanga 

I roto i te wā roa, hononga pono Kāore e pai te haere. Ahakoa ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tino harikoa, ka hē te haere. Ka hē katoa tātou, ka hē hoki ā tātou whiringa. Ka rerekē te wairua, ka riri hoki ngā kupu. Tērā pea ka whitihia ngā rohe, ā, tērā pea ka puta ngā whanonga whakaute (kāore i te āta whakaarohia). Heoi, kāore e tika kia whakaarohia ēnei hei mutunga mō tō whanaungatanga. 

Engari, whakamahia te wā ki te whakapāha (me te whai tikanga). Ki te pono koe ki a koe anō, ka whakarite koe kia whai kawenga koe mō āu mahi, ā, ka mahi i ngā mahi e tika ana hei whakatika i te āhuatanga. Me mātua pakeke, me whakaute hoki koe ki te mahi i tēnei, me te whakaatu tonu i te aroha ki tō hoa. 

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9. Whakaritea he wā hei whakanui

Ko te whakaute me te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whai wā me te whakaute me te ataahua, me te whakanui i ngā mea nui mā te noho tahi. Ko ngā whanaungatanga harikoa e whakamanamana ana ki ngā whakatutukitanga a tetahi. Ko ngā hua o te ako E whakaae ana koutou ko ngā kare ā-roto pēnei i te whakanui, te whakawhetai, me te whakamoemiti ka akiaki i te whakapai ake i a koe anō me te whakapai ake i ngā whanaungatanga. Ina whakaatu koe i te whakamoemiti mō ngā whāinga kua tutuki, mō ngā mahi uaua rānei kua oti, ka kī atu koe ki tō hoa rangatira e mōhio ana koe ki tā rātou e pā ana, ā, e mihi ana koe ki tō rātou kaha me tō rātou manawanui. Ko te whai wā ki te whakanui i ngā tohu iti rawa he huarahi pai ki te whakaatu i te whakaute e tika ana mō tō hoa rangatira. 

Ko ēnei aratohu e iwa koinā tonu — Ngā Aratohu. Whakamahia ēnei hei anga hei tāpiri i ō wheako me ō whakaaro. Tirohia tō ake oranga me tō whanaungatanga, ka keri hohonu. Pātai atu ki a koe anō ngā pātai uaua e tika ana hei neke atu ki te taahiraa e whai ake nei, ā, hoatu he horopeta atawhai ki a koe anō i a koe e mahi ana i tēnā. Nā te mea, kāore he mea e pai ake ana i te tokorua e mahi tahi ana ki te whakatutuki i tētahi whāinga, tika? 

Mena he whanaungatanga haumaru, hauora, ā-pūmau tāu e hiahia ana, kāore e kore ka hiahiatia te whakaute. E ai ki tā tātou i kōrero ai, he mea nui te aroha me te whakaute i a koe anō, pērā i te atawhai i ētahi atu. Kia tū pakari, kia mau tonu ō rohe, me te nui o te aroha ki a koe anō me te maioha mō ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. Ka whai ake ngā mea katoa.

10 Ngā Wāhanga Hira o te Whakawhirinaki i roto i te Hononga

15 Ngā Tohutohu Hei Pupuri i te Hononga kia Kaha, kia Hauora hoki

11 Ngā Tohu e Whakahē ana tō Wahine i a Koe (Me pēhea te Whakatau i a Ia)

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.