Kodi mudafunsapo funso ili - chifukwa chiyani anthu amakondana? Ndiko kuyesa kukhulupirira kuti chikondi chimachitika mwachibadwa pamene wina ayambitsa mahomoni ena mkati mwanu. Koma kupitirira oxytocin ndi mankhwala ena amene mwachiwonekere amatenga mbali mu moyo wanu wachikondi, pali zifukwa zozama zomwe anthu ena ali apadera kwambiri kuposa ena - ndichifukwa chakuti amakwaniritsa zosowa zanu zamaganizo mu chiyanjano.
Monga momwe anthu ambiri angavomerezere, chilakolako chingakhale chakuthupi koma chikondi chimakhala chamaganizo. Mwina ndichifukwa chake nyengo yachikondi simazimiririka ngakhale onyoza ndi onyoza amatichenjeza. Taganizirani izi. Kodi kukwera kwa milandu ya zisudzulo ndi kutha kwa banja kumalepheretsa anthu kuyambanso kukondana… mobwerezabwereza? Ayi. Izi zili choncho chifukwa pali zosowa zosiyanasiyana zamalingaliro mu ubale zomwe zimatilimbikitsa kuti tisachoke paulendo wachikondi.
Kodi Zofunika 10 Zofunika Zam'maganizo mu Ubale Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mark Manson, wolemba buku lakuti Emotional Needs in Relationships, akuti kupambana kwathu pa chibwenzi monga akuluakulu kumadalira kwambiri mapu athu amalingaliro tili ana. Inde, momwe mudaleredwera zimakhudza maubwenzi . Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya zosowa zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi, kaya ndi makolo kapena abale, ndipo chilichonse mwa izi chimasiya chizindikiro chake ngati mndandanda wa zovuta zazing'ono zomwe zimatipanga ndi kutifotokozera.
Mkhalidwe ndi kukula kwa zowawa izi zimadziyika pa zomwe sitikudziwa ndipo zimatanthauzira momwe timakhalira ndi chikondi, ubwenzi komanso kugonana, akuwonjezera Manson. Chifukwa chake, ngakhale zosoweka zamalingaliro za mwamuna zitha kukhala zosiyana kwambiri ndi zosowa za mkazi, pachimake, chisangalalo chimatanthauzidwa ndi momwe zosowazi zimakwaniridwira kapena kuchitidwa.
Zosankha zomwe timapanga pa za omwe timawakonda, okwatirana kapena olekanitsidwa zimatsimikiziridwa ndikukwaniritsa zosowa zapamtima paubwenzi kapena kusowa kwake. Kutengeka kwenikweni ndi zomverera ndipo momwe maubwenzi athu amatipangira KUDZIWA kuchokera mkati zimatsimikizira kupambana kwawo. Ndiye ndi zinthu 10 zotani zomwe tikufuna muubwenzi zomwe tonse tikufuna? Nawu mndandanda woyeserera komanso malangizo ena pazomwe mungachite kuti mutsimikizire kuti mnzanuyo akumva kuti akukwaniritsidwa pachibwenzi:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 15 Zogwirizana Pakati pa Inu ndi Mnzanu
1. Chisamaliro
“Mawu ang’onoang’ono akuti ‘Ndimakukondani’ amatanthauza zambiri kuposa ndalama,” anatero katswiri wa nyimbo za jazi Frank Sinatra m’nyimbo yachikale kwambiri yotchedwa Tell Her. Chabwino, pali mawu amodzi omwe ali abwino kuposa amenewo. Ndi "ndimakusamalirani".
Chikhumbo chofuna kusamaliridwa mwina chili pamtima pa zosoŵa zonse zamalingaliro muubwenzi. Tikadzipereka kwa wina, timalumikizana naye pamlingo wozama pomwe gawo la chisamaliro limalamulira kwambiri. Mukufuna kutenga nawo mbali m'mbali zonse za moyo wawo.
M'njira zambiri, mawu oti 'kusamalira' amatanthauza chikondi chenicheni pa ubale. Zikutanthauza kuti maganizo a mnzanuyo ndi ofunika kwa inu, maganizo awo amakukhudzani. Chibwenzi chikayamba kusokonekera, mumasiya kusamala ndipo ndiye chiyambi cha mapeto.
Momwe mungasamalire: Khalani okonzeka kuthandiza mnzanu akamakufunikirani kwambiri, makamaka akamavutika maganizo.
2. Kumvetsera
Kulankhulana momasuka komanso momasuka ndiye chinsinsi cha ubale wabwino koma kulankhulana sikumangotanthauza kuyankhula bwino. Kumvera zomwe wokondedwa wanu akunena ndikofunikanso chimodzimodzi. Divya Nair, yemwe amagwira ntchito ku banki anati: “Ndinakhala pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata kwa zaka zisanu. “Koma patapita nthawi ndinazindikira kuti akulankhula ndipo ine ndinalipo kuti ndimumvetsere.
Chimodzi mwa zosowa zomwe sizimakwaniritsidwa muubwenzi ndi kusamvedwa ndi mnzanu. Kulankhulana ndi njira yolumikizirana ndipo muyenera kukhala okonzeka kumvetsera momwe mukufunira kulankhula. Ndicho chinsinsi chowongolera kulumikizana muubwenzi.
Momwe mungamverere: Lolani mnzanu amalize zomwe akunena, kaye kaye kaye kaye kaye kaye musanayankhe. Zimasonyeza kuti mumayamikira mawu ake.
3. Kulandiridwa
Kukondedwa ndi kulandiridwa ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana. Chikondi sikutanthauza kuti mumayembekezera kuti mnzanuyo asinthe malinga ndi zofuna zanu. Zikutanthauza kuti mumawavomereza ndi zolakwika zawo.
Vandana Shah, loya wa ku Mumbai wosudzulana, adasudzulana moyipa zaka zapitazo ndipo chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe adapatukana chinali chifukwa chakulephera kuvomerezedwa ndi mwamuna wake. Iye anati: “Mwamuna wanga ndi apongozi ake sankafuna mkazi wodziimira yekha ndi maganizo akeake.
“Sindikanatha kudzisintha, ndinayenera kukhala ine.” Mpake kuti ukwatiwo unathetsedwa,” akuwonjezera motero Vandana. Kuvomereza kotheratu umunthu wa munthu, moyo wake, zikhalidwe ndi zizolowezi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi. Pokhapokha mutapangitsa mnzanuyo kumva kulandiridwa momwe alili, sangamve kuti ali nawo m'moyo wanu.
Momwe mungavomerezere: Dziwitsani mnzanu kwa banja lanu ndi anzanu, konzani zochita zomwe mumachita limodzi, kambiranani zolinga zanu pa moyo wanu ndikufunsani upangiri ngati pakufunika kutero.
4. Kuyamikira
Mabuku odzithandiza amalengeza kuti sitiyenera kudalira wina aliyense kuti atitsimikizire ndipo kuti kudzikonda ndiye njira yabwino kwambiri ya chikondi. Ndikoyenera. Koma chikondi chimatanthauza kupangitsa munthu wanu wapadera kumva kuti ndinu wapadera. Zimenezi zikutanthauza kusonyeza kuyamikira mnzanu kapena mnzanu nthawi zambiri komanso ndi mtima wonse.
Simungathe kukwaniritsa zofuna za wokondedwa wanu muubwenzi ngati simukuyamikira zomwe amabweretsa patebulo. Tonsefe timalakalaka kuyamikiridwa chifukwa cha kupambana kwathu, ndipo ngati mulephera kulandira mokwanira kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu, zimasiya kukoma kowawa.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungagwiritsire Ntchito Bwanji Mawu Otsimikizira Ngati Chilankhulo cha Chikondi?
Malini Bhatia, woyambitsa ndi CEO wa Marriage.com, akunena m'nkhani yake kuti kuyamikira ndi chimodzi mwa ma A atatu muubwenzi uliwonse (ena awiriwo ndi kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza). "Monga anthu, nthawi zonse timafuna chisamaliro chabwino komanso kuyamikira wina ndiyo njira yabwino kwambiri yochitira."
Momwe mungayamikire: Phunzirani kupereka ulemu weniweni, pewani kudzudzula kosafunikira kapena mawu oipa ndipo yamikirani ntchito yabwino yomwe mwachita ku ofesi kapena kunyumba.
5. Ubwenzi
Kugonana kapena ngakhale chikondi mwina ndikosavuta kupeza koma ndikovuta kupeza mnzako wabwino - munthu yemwe adzakhalepo pazovuta komanso zotsika. Mwachitsanzo, m’banja, kukhala ndi mwamuna amene angakhale bwenzi lenileni ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri za m’maganizo za mkazi; chithandizo chimamupangitsa kukhala wamphamvu kuchokera mkati.
Mofananamo, mwamuna amafuna kuti mkazi amene akwatiwa naye akhale bwenzi lake ndi kuima naye pamasiku ake abwino ndi oipa. Kukopeka ndi thupi kungakhale kofunika kumayambiriro kwa ubale koma pamene zaka zikupita, chiyanjano ndi chofunika.
Mwachitsanzo, banja la Hollywood Kurt Russell ndi Goldie Hawn akhala limodzi kuyambira 1983, ali ndi mwana wamwamuna m'modzi ndikulera mwana kuchokera m'banja lawo lakale. "Tachita bwino popanda kukwatirana," adatero Goldie m'mafunso ambiri. Ndi chitsanzo chodabwitsa cha bwenzi.
Momwe mungakhalire bwenzi labwino: Tengani nawo mbali pa moyo wa wina ndi mnzake, gawani zomwe mumakonda komanso ganizirani zolinga zanu za nthawi yayitali ngati banja.
6. Chitetezo
Chitetezo chimagwirizana kwambiri ndi kudalirana chifukwa ndi chimodzi mwa zosowa zofunika kwambiri pamaganizo muubwenzi. Kusowa chitetezo ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe maubwenzi amasweka. Mukadzipereka kwa munthu, mumayembekezera kuti akupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu ofunika komanso otetezeka. Ubale wokhulupirika nthawi zonse ndi malo otetezeka komanso abwino kwa onse awiri.
M'zaka za m'ma 90, Hugh Grant ndi Elizabeth Hurley anali banja lodziwika bwino lagolide. Aliyense ankaganiza kuti anali angwiro, koma kusakhulupirika kwa Hugh kunathetsa nthano imeneyo. Palibe chifukwa chokhala wokonda kwambiri ngati mnzanuyo akuyenera kudandaula nthawi zonse za kukhulupirika kwanu kwa iye. Komanso, ayenera kudzimva kukhala otetezeka kuti athe kugawana nawo zofooka zawo zakuya. Ubale wabwino ndi wosangalatsa umakhala wotetezeka m'maganizo ndi mwakuthupi.
Momwe mungatsimikizire chitetezo: Lemekezani malire a mnzanu, khalani okhulupirika kwa iwo ndipo musamabise chinsinsi.
7. Kukhulupirika
Pakati pa zosowa zosiyanasiyana zamalingaliro muubwenzi, kuwona mtima kumakhala kwakukulu. Kuona mtima sikumangokhudzana ndi zochitika zomwe okwatirana amagawana zakukhosi kwawo, malingaliro awo, malingaliro awo ndi zomwe amakonda ndi zomwe sakonda, komanso kukufotokozerani zam'mbuyomu, zapano ndi zamtsogolo.
Divya, wakubanki yemwe tamutchula pamwambapa, amakumbukira mabodza omwe nthawi zonse amakumana nawo paubwenzi wake. “Popeza kuti anali mnzanga yekha amene ankalankhula zonse, ndinalibe njira yotsimikizira ngati nkhani zake zinali zoona kapena zinangopeka chabe n’cholinga chobisa mbiri yake.
Munthu amene mumacheza naye ayenera kudziwa zonse zomwe zingakhudze moyo wanu pamodzi. Tsoka ilo, anthu amakonda kuika phazi lawo patsogolo pa nthawi ya chibwenzi ndi kulapa pambuyo pake pamene zinthu sizikuyenda momwe iwo amayembekezera.
Momwe mungakhalire oona mtima: Kukambirana moona mtima popanda kuweruza n’kofunika. Ndipo nthawi zina khalani okonzeka kumvetseranso zoona zosasangalatsa.
8. Ulemu
M’magulu ambiri a makolo akale, chimodzi mwa zosoŵa zamaganizo zonyalanyazidwa kwambiri za mkazi ndicho kufunika kolemekezedwa. Ukwati uyenera kukhala mgwirizano wofanana koma nthawi zambiri wina ali ndi mphamvu kuposa mnzake.
N'zovuta kwambiri kuti ubale ukhale wopambana ngati m'modzi mwa okondedwa anu akumva kuti sakulemekezedwa kapena kuti sakulemekezedwa kuposa wina. Mawu achipongwe olankhulidwa mosasamala, kunyalanyaza kufunika kwa mnzanuyo kumvedwa, kuwatseka ndi zizindikiro zonse za kusalemekeza zomwe zimawononga kudzidalira kwa munthu ndikuwononga chidaliro chake.
Monga momwe Vandana akunenera, “Chilichonse chimene ndinachita m’banja langa sichinali chokwanira.
Momwe mungalemekezere mnzanu: Muzithandiza mnzanuyo popanga zisankho. Phunzirani kusagwirizana mwaulemu ngati maganizo anu sakugwirizana. Musamanyoze mnzanuyo, makamaka pamaso pa ena.
9. Kukhulupirira ndi kumvetsetsa
Mukagwa m'chikondi, wokondedwa wanu amakhala bwenzi lanu, wachinsinsi komanso wothandizira. Chifukwa chake, kumvetsetsa ndi kukhulupirirana ndizo mfungulo kuti ubale uliwonse ukule. Kumvetsetsa kwa wokondedwa wanu kumatanthauza kuti amagwirizana ndi malingaliro anu, zokhumba zanu ndi zofooka zanu.
Maanja omwe amalumikizana bwino amatha kukhala ndi kusiyana koma kuthekera kwawo kumvetsetsa zosowa za wina ndi mnzake muubwenzi kumawathandiza kuthana ndi vuto lililonse. Ubwenzi umasiya kusinthika mukalephera kumvetsetsana kapena kupezana pang'ono.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 9 Abwino Kwambiri Opangira Kudalirana Mu Ubale
Izi sizichitika mwadzidzidzi, chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuyika nthawi ndi khama popanga ubale. Kukwaniritsa zosowa zamaganizidwe muubwenzi monga chidaliro ndi kumvetsetsa kumafuna kuleza mtima komanso kufunitsitsa kugwira ntchito molimbika pa inu nokha komanso mnzanu.
Momwe mungamvetsetsere bwino mnzanu: Phunzirani kudziyika mumkhalidwe wake ndikuwona momwe zinthu zilili. Landirani kusiyana.
10. Kuyamikiridwa
Kuyamikira wokondedwa wanu kumatanthauza kuzindikira zomwe akukuchitirani ndi zomwe amabweretsa pachibwenzi. Chimodzi mwa zolakwika zomwe anthu okwatirana amalakwitsa ndi kusaganizirana, makamaka atakhala limodzi kwa zaka zambiri.
Mukamaona kuti mnzanuyo ndi wofunika, mudzazindikira zosowa zake zamalingaliro, zakuthupi ndi zauzimu ndikuyesetsa kuti mukwaniritse. Izi mwachibadwa zimatsogolera kumanga maziko olimba a ubale uliwonse.
Kuyamikiridwa kumatanthauzanso kupanga chifundo pa zosowa zosiyanasiyana za mnzako muubwenzi. Muyenera kukhala ndi luso loganiza momwe amawonera zomwe zingakuthandizeni kukhala omvetsetsa komanso okoma mtima.
Momwe mungalemekezere mnzanu: Dziwani ndi kulemekeza mnzanu. Dziwani ndi kuyamikira zonse zomwe amakuchitirani.
Kuti pakhale ubale wabwino ndi wopambana, maanja akuyenera kuzindikira zosowa zawo m'malingaliro mu chiyanjano ndikudzipereka kuchita zonse zomwe angathe kuti apatsane zosowazi. Mukapanga chizolowezi ichi, mudzapeza kuti mkwiyo, kukhumudwa ndi malingaliro ena aliwonse oyipa amangosinthidwa kukhala chikondi, chikondi ndi ulemu.
Zinthu 10 Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Mukumva Kuti Simukuyamikiridwa Paubwenzi Wanu
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
