N'chifukwa Chiyani Ndikufuna Kuluma Chibwenzi Changa? Psychology Pambuyo Pake

Kufalitsa chikondi

Inu mukudziwa momwe zimakhalira. Inu ndi boo wanu mwakhala pamodzi, mwina kuonera TV kapena kungolankhula. Inu mumayang'ana pa iye, zonse zokongola ndi zosatsutsika. Ndipo mwadzidzidzi, mumagonjetsedwa ndi chikhumbo ichi chongokumba mano anu mu bicep kapena nsagwada zake zomangira. Mwinanso, mumachita nawo izi nthawi ndi nthawi, ndikupangitsa munthu wanu kudumpha kuchoka pakhungu lake. Pambuyo pake, mumadzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kuluma bwenzi langa?

Chabwino, inu ndi ine tonse, mlongo. Sindinawerengepo kangati komwe ndamira m'thupi la SO, ndikuwona zomwe adachita, ndikudzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kuluma mnzanga?" Zikuoneka kuti inu ndi ine sitili tokha. Ngati zolemba zapa social media ndi memes ndizoyenera, kuluma mwachikondi kumakhala kofala muubwenzi. Pali anthu ambiri kunjako mwina akudabwa chifukwa chake akufuna kuluma okondedwa awo kapena chifukwa chiyani anzawo akufuna kuwaluma.

Nditazindikira izi, ndidaganiza zofufuza mozama muzochitika izi ndipo ndidazindikira kuti chikhumbochi ndi chiwonetsero cha zomwe zimatchedwa zachiwawa zachikondi kapena ndewu zokongola. Tiyeni tiwone bwinobwino chomwe chiri ndi chifukwa chake chimayambitsa kufunikira uku kuluma munthu amene mumamukonda.

N'chifukwa Chiyani Ndikufuna Kuluma Chibwenzi Changa? Decoding Cute Aggression

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Atasokonezeka chifukwa chofuna kuluma bwenzi lake, mtsikana wazaka 21 adalemba pa Reddit, "Nthawi zonse ndakhala ndikumuluma bwenzi langa mobwerezabwereza koma posachedwapa tatsamirapo kwambiri. Ndi chinthu chomwe timaphatikizapo kugonana koma makamaka nthawi zina ndimakhala pansi pamene tikuonera TV ndikuwona mkono wake wokoma ndikuwugwira ndikuyamba kuukuta mobwerezabwereza mpaka ndimadzitopetsa ndekha (amakonda, akunena kuti amamva bwino kwambiri, ndipo ngati atayimitsa kwambiri)

Zimandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wopepuka komanso wozunguliridwa bwino kwambiri, ngati kuti ndine wokwezeka, ndipo zimandichititsa kuseka komanso kupusa ngati ndili mwana. ndiutse mudyo kwenikweni (nthawi zonse), ndimangokonda kumuluma chifukwa chomuluma. Ndikhoza kumuluma mpaka kalekale ndipo sizingakhale zokwanira. Ndimakonda kuluma bwenzi langa. Kodi chikuchitika ndi chiyani pano? Kodi pali vuto ndi ine?"

kuluma kokongola — Kuluma kungakhale njira yosonyezera chikondi

Winanso anali ndi vuto lofananalo, ndipo adafunsa kuti, "Ndikafika kunyumba kuchokera kuntchito ndikuwona mimba yawo ikutuluka mu malaya awo ikukwera mu ubongo wanga imangonena kuti" bite bite bite "MAKAMAKA m'mbali mwawo, zimakhala ngati gawo lotha kuluma kwambiri.

“Sindikufuna kuwakhumudwitsa ndithu chifukwa ndimawakonda choncho nthawi zonse ndimakhala wodekha koma m’mbuyomu ndidawaluma m’makutu kuposa mmene amafunira, izi n’zopanda vuto kwenikweni koma ndizodabwitsa kwambiri, ndilibe chikhumbo choluma anthu ena ndiye n’chifukwa chiyani ndimakhala ngati chilombo cholusa ndi mnzanga?

Monga ndidanenera kale, chikhumbo choluma chikondi m'njira zosagonana sizodziwika komanso chimapitilirabe kudabwitsa anthu. Ngati ndinu mmodzi wa iwo, musadandaule, simukusintha kukhala werewolf ndipo sizodabwitsa monga zimamveka. M'malo mwake, sayansi, psychology, ndi kuwaza pang'ono kwa quirkiness yaumunthu kumatha kufotokoza chifukwa chake mungafune kumira mano anu mwa iye (mwanjira yosakhala yaukali, inde!).

Chikhumbo chofuna kulumidwa mwachikondichi chimabwera chifukwa cha zochitika zochititsa chidwi za m'maganizo zomwe zimatchedwa cute aggression, kumene malingaliro abwino - monga kupembedza kapena chimwemwe - angasonyezere makhalidwe monga kufuna kutsina, kufinya, kapena ngakhale kuluma munthu amene mumamukonda ndi kumukonda. Ndi njira ya ubongo wanu yowongolera kutengeka kwakukulu.

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Mukuwona, mukakumana ndi kukongola kopitilira muyeso, kuyankha kwanu kumapitilira mopitilira muyeso, ndipo ubongo umayankha ndi njira ya "dial-down" kuti mukhalebe bwino. Chilakolako chaukali chimagwira ntchito yolimbana ndi malingaliro achikondi.

M'modzi mwa odziwika kwambiri maphunziro pa zaukali wokongola, ofufuza a ku yunivesite ya Yale, motsogoleredwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Oriana Aragón, adafufuza chodabwitsa ichi. Ophunzira adawonetsedwa zithunzi za nyama zomwe zili m'gulu la "zokongola" (kuganiza ana agalu), "zoseketsa" (monga nyama zopanga nkhope zaphokoso), kapena "zosalowerera ndale" (mwachitsanzo, ng'ombe). Kafukufukuyu adapeza kuti omwe adatenga nawo gawo adakumana ndi ziwawa zapamwamba kwambiri akakhala ndi zithunzi "zokongola". Ananena kuti akufuna “kufinya” kapena “kuluma” nyama zokongolazo, ngakhale kuti sanafune kuzivulaza. Zimenezi zinali zamphamvu kwambiri pamene kukongolako kunadzutsa chisangalalo chachikulu ndi chikondi.

“Mkwiyo wochititsa chidwi ndi njira yochepetsera malingaliro abwino. Mukawona chinthu chokongola kwambiri, machitidwe a ubongo wanu amakukondani kwambiri, ndipo chiwawa choterechi chimakuthandizani kuti muyambenso kuchita bwino."
- Oriana Aragón, katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wofufuza wotsogolera pazaukali ku Yale University

Mukawona china chake chokongola kwambiri, dongosolo la mphotho muubongo wanu limakhala lokwera kwambiri. Makamaka, nucleus accumbens, dera lomwe limalumikizidwa ndi mphotho ndi chilimbikitso, limawunikira. Kusefukira kwa dopamine (mankhwala omva bwino) kumakhala kokulirapo kotero kuti kumapangitsa "kusefukira kwamalingaliro". Kuti athane ndi izi, ubongo ukhoza kuwonetsa chidwi - makamaka njira yochepetsera kuyankha kolimbikitsa.

Oriana Aragón adapanganso mawu akuti "dimorphous expressions" pofotokoza chodabwitsa ichi. Izi ndi mawu okhudza mtima omwe amawoneka ngati otsutsana - monga kulira mukakhala osangalala kapena kuseka pamene muli ndi nkhawa. Ukali wokongola umagwera m'gulu ili, chifukwa umaphatikiza chifundo ndi zilakolako zooneka ngati zaukali. Kuchokera ku lingaliro lachisinthiko, ziwawa zokongola zikadakhala njira yowonetsetsa kuti timateteza ndikusamalira omwe ali pachiwopsezo kwambiri.

Izi ndizomwe zimaseweredwa mukafuna kukoka masaya amwana wokongola kapena kuyang'ana kagalu ndi kunena kuti, "Nditha kukudya." Koma kodi ndimotani ndipo nchifukwa ninji ndewu zachikondi zimawonekera m’nkhani ya maunansi achikondi? Tiyeni tipeze poyang'ana zifukwa 7 zomwe mungafune kuluma bwenzi lanu ndi zomwe chilakolakochi chimasonyeza:

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1. Ndi zotsatira za chilakolako chochuluka

Mukakhala mutu pa chidendene munthu, zingamve ngati maganizo anu akuphulika pa seams. Kusefukira kwa kukopa ndi chikondi kumakupangitsani kukhala osangalala. Pamene malingalirowa akuchulukirachulukira, ubongo wanu umayang'ana malo osungira-kuluma mnzanuyo kukhala mmodzi wa iwo. Ndi njira yofotokozera momwe mumawakondera m'njira yomwe mawu kapena kupsompsona sikungagwire.

Kupatula apo, malingaliro monga chikondi ndi nkhanza zimagawana njira zina zaubongo. Kuphatikizika uku kungapangitse chidwi chachikulu kukhudzika muzochita zoseweretsa, monga kuluma. Pofotokoza mmene anthu amachitira nkhanza zachikondi, katswiri wa sayansi ya zamoyo Dr. Helen Fisher anati, “Kukopa mwachikondi imayambitsa zigawo zaubongo zomwezo zolumikizidwa ndi mphotho, monga chakudya kapena zopambana. Maganizo amenewa akafika pachimake, masewera osewerera monga kuluma amatha kukhala njira yachibadwa yopititsira mphamvuzo.”

2. Kufunika kowonjezereka kwa kukhudza

kuluma mwachikondi — Ndi mawonekedwe a tactile kugwirizana

Mphamvu zanu zimapita ku hyperdrive mukakhala pafupi munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri kapena kukopeka. Mumatengera momwe amamvera, kununkhiza, kapena mawonekedwe, momveka bwino. Momwemonso kufunikira kwa kukhudza kwakuthupi, komwe ndi njira yofunika kwambiri yolumikizirana ndi anthu, makamaka pa maubwenzi apamtima.

Kuluma kosewera ndikungowonjezera kufunika kokhudza thupi ndi kuyandikana - mawonekedwe olumikizana ngati mungafune. Pamene mukumva kugonjetsedwa ndi kuthamanga kwa maganizo kwa wokondedwa wanu, kungowagwira kapena kuwakumbatira mwamphamvu sikungadule. Ndipamene chikondi cholumidwa m'malo osagonana chimakhala chiwonetsero chopepuka koma chachikondi cha malingaliro anu.

3. Itha kukhalanso njira yolembera gawo

Yerekezerani izi: Mwakumbatirana pampando, ndipo iye akuyang’ana pa foni yake. Mumagwedeza paphewa pake, mukumva kufuna kugwedeza, ndikupita. Ndiwosewera, wachikondi, komanso wokonda pang'ono, koma m'njira yabwino kwambiri. Ndi njira yanu yoti, "Ndiwe wanga."

Tsopano, sindikunena kuti mukumuika chizindikiro ngati nkhandwe ikunena za gulu lake, koma pali kukonkha pang'ono kwachisinthiko apa. Kuluma—kapena kunamizira—ndikwachibadwa komanso koyambirira, kubwereranso kumasiku athu a mapanga pamene kukhudza thupi adathandizira kwambiri kulumikizana. “Zizoloŵezi zolimbitsa thupi monga kumenya kapena kuseweretsa nthawi zambiri zimakhala njira zosadziŵika bwino zolimbikitsira kugwirizana m’maganizo.

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4. Kuluma wokondedwa wanu kumawonjezera mphotho ya ubongo wanu

Ngati mwakhala mukudzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kuluma mnzanga? kukumbatirana, kapena kutekeseka-kumatulutsa dopamine, mankhwala omveka bwino. Ndi ntchito yomwe imayambitsa mgwirizano ndikulimbitsa mgwirizano. Momwemonso mungazembere kumpsompsona kapena kumukumbatira molimba pang'ono, kuluma ndi njira ina yodabwitsa yomwe ubongo wanu umanenera, "Izi zimamveka bwino."

Nthawi ina mukadzakhumudwa kapena kusokonezeka chifukwa chofuna kuluma wokondedwa wanu, yang'anani mozama. Mwina ndinu mkatikati mwa pilo ndewu, ndipo iye kugunda mofewa pa inu. Mumabwezera pogwira mkono wake ndikumuluma. Kapena muli pabedi, mukuseweretsa wina ndi mzake ndipo mukuyamba kugwedeza m'makutu ake. Nonse mumaseka ndikuseka—ndizolimbikitsa pompopompo!

Dr. Lucy Brown, katswiri wa zamaganizo, anafotokoza kuti: “Kukopeka ndi chikondi kumachititsa kuti ubongo upeze madalitso, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa kuti munthu azisangalala kwambiri.

5. Ndi zosewerera ndipo zimamanga ubwenzi

Mtsikana wina wazaka 26, dzina lake Sasha, akufotokoza mmene kuluma kunathandizira kuthetsa madzi oundana ndi chibwenzi chake paulendo wawo woyamba wapamsewu ndi kuwabweretsa pafupi. “Tinali titangoyamba kumene chibwenzi chokha ndipo anaganiza zopita kwa weekend. Tinali pa khalidwe lathu labwino, kukhala osamala kwambiri pa zomwe timanena. Panthawi ina, zokambiranazo zinangotha.

"Ndinayang'ana Matt ndipo ndinagwidwa ndi chikondi chachikulu ichi pa iye. Ndinatsamira ndi kumuluma pamasaya ake. Iye anadabwa ndipo kenaka tonsefe tinaseka kwambiri kotero kuti anakakamizika kusuntha. Momwemonso zovuta zonse ndi zolepheretsa zinasungunuka.

Ngati mumadzifunsa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kuluma bwenzi langa?", ganizirani ngati njira yosavuta yonenera kuti, "Ndine womasuka ndi iwe." Kuseweretsa, kuluma mwachikondi kumalimbikitsa mgwirizano, kupangitsa ubale wanu kukhala wosangalatsa komanso wosangalatsa.

"Zochita zosewerera, monga kumenya kapena kuluma, ndi zida zamphamvu zolumikizirana. Zimapanga zochitika zapadera, zomwe zimagawana zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu azikhulupirirana komanso kulimbikitsa kulumikizana m'njira yosangalatsa."
- Dr. Tiffany Field, mtsogoleri wa Touch Research Institute ku yunivesite ya Miami

6. Mwangokopeka ndi iye

Kupsa mtima kokongola nthawi zina kumatha kumva ngati njira yokhayo yofotokozera zakukhosi zomwe wokondedwa wanu amayambitsa mwa inu. Tangoganizani, watuluka m’bafa, wamanga chopukutira m’chiwuno ndi kununkhiza mwatsopano. Kodi simukukumba bwanji mano anu kumbuyo kwake kapena pachifuwa chake chopanda kanthu, sichoncho? Chabwino, ndicho kukopa kwambiri kuntchito kwa inu. Kuluma ngati chiwonetsero cha kukopa kungawoneke ngati kopambana, koma tiyeni tikhale oona mtima, ndikosangalatsa komanso kokongola pang'ono. Ndipo, ndithudi, njira yosangalatsa yoti, "Ndiwe wosakanizidwa!"

7. Ndi iweyo kukhala iwe

Yankho lakuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndikufuna kuluma bwenzi langa?”, Lingakhalenso losavuta monga, ndi chisonyezero cha umunthu wanu. Mwina, ndinu munthu wamanyazi, wokonda kusewera, ndipo iyi ndi njira yanu yofotokozera zakukhosi kwanu mwachikondi koma mosangalatsa.

Aliyense amasonyeza chikondi mosiyana, ndipo ngati kuluma (mofatsa, ndithudi) ndi gawo lanu chinenero chachikondi, mphamvu zambiri kwa inu. Dr. John Gottman, katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wodziwa bwino za ubale, anati: “Chikondi ndi kukopeka ndi zochitika zaumwini. Malingana ngati bwenzi lanu likuwona kuti ndi lokongola - kapena lolekerera - ndinu wagolide.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Chikondi kapena chimwemwe chochuluka chingayambitse “mkwiyo,” pamene mumalakalaka kuluma (kapena kutsina kapena kufinyira) munthu amene mumam’konda.
Ndi njira yaubongo yanu yogwirizanitsira zakukhosi kwanu pozifotokoza mwamasewera, osavulaza.
Kuluma kumathandizanso dongosolo la mphotho ya ubongo, kutulutsa dopamine, yomwe imalimbitsa ubale ndi ubale.
Kulumana mwamasewera kungakhalenso njira yachidule yosonyezera kukhala ndi mwini wake—monga kunena kuti, “Ndiwe wanga!”
Nthawi zina, kuluma kumangowonetsa umunthu wanu wapadera komanso chilankhulo chachikondi

Maganizo Final

Tsopano mukumvetsa kuti chiwawa chokongola ndi njira yaubongo yanu yolumikizira malingaliro abwino kwambiri powonjezera kukhudza kwaukali ndipo idakhazikika pamakina achisinthiko, kuphatikiza njira za neural zoyendetsedwa ndi dopamine. Nthawi yotsatira mukafuna kukumba bwenzi lanu lofewa mnofu kapena minofu yolimba kudziwa kuti sayansi kumbali yanu. Ngati adandaula kwambiri, muuzeni nkhaniyi.

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