Kodi mwaimbidwa mlandu wosasamala? Kapena mwina simumamvetsetsa malingaliro a mnzanuyo? Kodi mwachita mwano osazindikira? Pamene simungagwirizane ndi momwe wokondedwa wanu akumvera, kupeza momwe mungapangire chifundo mu chiyanjano kungapangitse kusiyana kwakukulu.
Zotsatira zake, mudzadziwana bwino ndi mnzanuyo. Kodi munakumanapo ndi maanja omwe amamaliza ziganizo za wina ndi mnzake ndipo amadziwa zomwe mnzawo akunena pongogawana mawonekedwe? Kumverana chisoni wina ndi mzake ndi chimene chinawafikitsa kumeneko. Ndipo ngati mukudabwa, okwatirana omwe alibe chifundo mu maubwenzi nthawi zambiri ndi omwe amawulutsa zonyansa zonse pomenyana pagulu ndikupangitsa alendo ena onse paphwando kukhala osokonezeka. Simukufuna kukhala iwo, sichoncho?
Koma, kodi kukulitsa chifundo kumatanthauza chiyani ndipo kungathandize bwanji? Katswiri wa zamaganizo Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo pankhani ya kugonana ndi kusamalira ubale, amatiuza zonse zomwe tifunika kudziwa zokhudza chifundo muubwenzi, komanso momwe kukoma mtima pang'ono kumathandizira kwambiri.
Kodi Chisoni Ndi Chiyani Mumaubwenzi?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tisanaphunzire momwe tingachitire zinthu mokoma mtima muubwenzi, tiyeni tiwonetsetse kuti tikumvetsa tanthauzo lake. Popeza si mayeso a kusekondale omwe simunaphunzire, simungangoganizira chabe. "Chifundo muubwenzi ndikumvetsetsa momwe munthu wina akumvera. M'malingaliro mwanga, ndicho chinthu chofunikira kwambiri muubwenzi," akutero Jaseena , "Chifundo muubwenzi chingafanane ndi kuwona zinthu kuchokera m'malingaliro a mnzanu ndikumvetsetsa momwe akumvera pazinthu."
Mwachidule, simumangoyenda mtunda umodzi mu nsapato za mnzanu; mumamva kuluma kwa nsapato pa Achilles anu, mumamva miyendo yawo yotopa, ndipo mumamva ludzu. Ndipo mukamamva zomwe akumva, mumatha kumva bwino. Siziyenera kukhala zovuta kwambiri, mwina. Mukadziwa kuti mnzanuyo sangathe kupirira fungo la nsomba, osayitanitsa mbale ya sushi kuti adye chakudya chamadzulo ndi chiwonetsero chosavuta cha momwe mungakhalire wachifundo.
"Zimabweretsa ulemu, ndipo ngati mnzanu sakukulitsa chifundo, kusinthaku sikupita patsogolo, chifukwa ulemu ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse. Ndikofunikira kuti onse awiri akhale ndi chifundo chifukwa simuyenera kukhala nokha muubwenzi. Kukhala ndi chifundo kwambiri kumatanthauza kumvetsetsa munthu winayo. Kumatanthauza kukhala ndi malire omveka bwino muubwenzi wanu ndikuwalemekeza. Chofunika kwambiri, kumatanthauza kumvetsetsa zosowa za mnzanu. Ndipo sizimathera pamenepo; ziyenera kuonekera kudzera mu zochita," akuwonjezera Jaseena.
Ngati mukuyang'ana chifundo mu zitsanzo za maubwenzi kuti mumvetse bwino zomwe zikuchitika, ganizirani kuti nthawi yomwe mnzanuyo anali wokwiya chifukwa Lolemba m'mawa sanapite monga momwe anakonzera. Kukhala ndi luso lozindikira momwe akumvera, ndikulingalira zomwe ayenera kuganiza kapena kumva ndikumvera chisoni.
Mukayeserera moyenera, chifundo chimakupangitsani kuchitira zinthu mnzanuyo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati m'mawa wawo kadzutsa anatuluka woyaka ndi inedible, kumvetsa kuti mnzanuyo ayenera kumverera zoipa zingakulimbikitseni kupeza iwo kadzutsa bagel, sichoncho?
Izi zimatchedwa kuchita chifundo, ndipo zimakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi chiyanjano chozama ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ngati ndinu munthu amene amaundana movutikira pamene munthu akutsegula kapena akulira pamaso panu, musadandaule, chiyembekezo chilipo. Mwamwayi, momwe mungakhalire wachifundo mu ubale si sayansi ya rocket.
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N'chifukwa Chiyani Kumvera Ena Chifundo N'kofunika Pamabwenzi Achikondi?
Tidzayankha mafunso monga momwe mungakhalire omvetsa chisoni kwambiri muubwenzi kapena momwe mungakhalire omvera chisoni mnzanu, m'gawo lotsatira, koma tisanachite zimenezo, ndikofunikira kuyankha funso lakuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani chifundo n’chofunika muubwenzi?” Pokhapokha ngati sititero, mutha kunyalanyaza malingaliro ofunikira awa omwe amasunga ubale. Popanda kukokomeza, tinganene motetezeka kuti chifundo, chikachitidwa moyenera, chingakhale kusiyana pakati pa ubale woopsa kapena wabwino . Ichi ndi chifukwa chake:
1. Chifundo chingathandize kuthetsa ndewu bwino lomwe
Ngati mukudziwa chifukwa chake mnzanuyo akulankhula zomwe akunena, ngati mukudziwa chifukwa chake wakhumudwitsidwa ndi zomwe mwanenazo, ngati mukudziwa chifukwa chake akuyankhira momwe akuchitira, mudzatha kuyankha bwino. Mwachitsanzo, ngati kuwasiya kwawo kukuwapangitsa kuti asamachite bwino, mungadziwe bwino kusiyana ndi kuwakhumudwitsa ndi zomwe akukumana nazo.
2. Mungathe kukwaniritsa zosowa za wina ndi mzake bwino
Chifukwa chomwe kumvetsetsa momwe mungapangire chifundo muubwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri ndikuti kumakuthandizani kudziwa zomwe wokondedwa wanu akufunikira ndikuzisamalira. Pamodzi ndi chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi chikhumbo chofuna kuchepetsa kuvutika kwa wokondedwa wanu, chifundo chingakuthandizeni kuzindikira zomwe wokondedwa wanu akufunikira ndikuchitapo kanthu mwachifundo.
3. Kumvera ena chisoni m’mabwenzi okondana kungachititse kuti muyambe kukondana kwambiri
Zitsanzo za chifundo muubwenzi, monga kupangira mnzanu chakudya cham'mawa pamene mukudziwa kuti ali ndi nkhawa kwambiri ndi msonkhano wawo womwe ukubwera, zingakuthandizeni nonse kukhazikitsa ubale wachikondi . Pofuna kuchepetsa kuvutika kwa mnzanu ndikumvetsetsa zomwe zikumuvutitsa, mudzangosonyezana momwe mumasamalirira ndi zochita zanu zachifundo komanso zachifundo.
4. Kumvera ena chisoni m’mabwenzi achikondi kumakuphunzitsani kuleza mtima
Mukamvetsetsa chifukwa chake mnzanuyo adangonena zomwe adachita kapena chifukwa chake nkhawa yawo ikuwakulirakulira pang'ono, mumadziwanso bwino kuposa kuwadzudzula. Mukatha kudziyika nokha mu nsapato za mnzanuyo, mudzamvetsetsa kuti zomwe akufunikira kuti mukhale oleza mtima, osati kuti mukhumudwe ndi zomwe amachita / zochita zawo.
5. Kodi mukuganiza kuti n’chifukwa chiyani chifundo n’chofunika kwambiri m’banja? Zingapangitse kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wolimba
Pamene mumatha kulingalira momwe mnzanuyo akumverera, pambali pa malingaliro anu ndi pamene mukuchita bwino pa chifundo chomwe mukumva, ubale wanu udzapindula. Mwachitsanzo, njira yosavuta yopatsa wokondedwa wanu kutikita minofu yabwino chifukwa mukudziwa kuti ali wotopa kungathandize kufotokozera momwe mumamuganizira.
Munjira zina, mukayamba kulandira ndi kukonda mnzanu chifukwa cha chifundo chomwe muli nacho pa iye, mumayandikira kwambiri ubale wachimwemwe. Kudzera mu chifundo, mudzalimbikitsidwa kugwiritsa ntchito njira zosonyezera chikondi zomwe zingapangitse maanja ena onse kuchita nsanje ndi ubale wanu.
Zikumveka zaudongo mpaka pano, sichoncho? Chokhacho chomwe chatsala tsopano ndikuzindikira momwe mungakhalire wachifundo muubwenzi, kapena momwe mungapangire wina kukhala wachifundo (ngati mnzanuyo alibe dipatimenti imeneyo). Tiyeni tiwone zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa.
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Darell anati: “Sindingathe kutseka mutu wanga pa nkhawa zake,” akutero Darell, pofotokoza za chibwenzi chake Jess komanso mmene nthawi zambiri amamusiya osadziŵa zimene ayenera kuchita akamakambirana movutikira. “Nthaŵi zonse pamene tikumenyana kapena kukambitsirana za nkhani yaikulu, iye amachoka m’chipindamo n’kuyamba kupuma, akunena kuti ali ndi zinthu miliyoni imodzi m’mutu mwake.
Pamwamba, kuyesa kuwona dziko kudzera m'maso mwa mnzanu kungawoneke kosatheka. Koma mukafika ku nitty-gritty yake, mumazindikira yankho la momwe mungakhalire wachifundo ndi losavuta monga kufunsa mnzanuyo funso lomwelo, kotero inu mukhoza kudziwa chomwe chiri chimene inu nonse mukusowa.
Izi zikutifikitsa ku sitepe yoyamba paulendo wanu wokulitsa chifundo: kufunsa Jess wanu zomwe muyenera kuchita. Umu ndi momwe mungakhalire wachifundo muubwenzi:
1. Khalani wachifundo kwambiri polankhulana kwambiri
“Munthu akamanena chinachake, chimvetseni kuchokera m’malingaliro ake, osawonjezerapo chanu,” akutero Jaseena, “ Kukonza kulankhulana muubwenzi wanu ndi sitepe yoyamba yopangira chifundo. Nthawi zina mnzanu anganene kudzera m’mawu, nthawi zina yankho limakhala m’thupi lake, ndipo nthawi zina amanena mwa chete.”
Pamene kukankhira kumabwera kukankhana, kumanga chifundo ndikudziwa zomwe wokondedwa wanu akufuna ndi zosowa, ndikuchitapo kanthu. Kuti muwonetsetse kuti simungosiya kungoganizira chabe, kufunsa mafunso oyenera ndikukambirana nawo kungapangitse kusiyana kwakukulu.
Mafunso monga “N’chiyani chimakusangalatsani?” kapenanso “Kodi mumasonyeza bwanji kusakondwera kwanu?” ndi "Kodi pali chinachake chimene ndikuchita chomwe chimakukwiyitsani?" zonse zingakuthandizeni kupeza sitepe imodzi kuyandikira kumanga chifundo. Mukadziwa zambiri, mumatha kuzigwiritsa ntchito. Jaseena akutikumbutsa mbali ina yofunika ya kulankhulana: kumvetsera. Iye anati: “Mnzako akamalankhula, mvetserani mwachidwi zimene akunena.” Zonse zimadalira kumvetsera, kumvetsetsa, ndi kuchitapo kanthu.
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2. Kumverana chisoni m'mabwenzi ndi kusonyeza chifundo
Jaseena anati: “Monga njira yosonyezera chifundo, onetsetsani kuti mumalankhula mawu okhudza mtima pamene mukulankhula za mnzanuyo ndi mmene mukumvera,” akutero Jaseena, “mnzako akamavutika kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake, yesani kuwathandiza ndi mawu alionse okhudza mtima amene mungaganize kuti akugwirizana ndi vutolo.”
Mwa kusonyeza kuti mukutenga nthawi yokonza malingaliro a mnzanu ndikuwulula, mudzakhala mukuwonetsanso chikondi mu mphamvu yanu. Taganizirani izi, mukadziwa kuti malingaliro anu ndi ofanana ndi a munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri, mudzamva kukhala otetezeka kwambiri mu mphamvu yanu , sichoncho?
Kotero, ngati mumadabwa momwe mungamverere wokondedwa wanu, zomwe muyenera kuchita ndi kusonyeza chifundo. Nthawi ina pamene nkhawa za abwenzi anu zikayamba kuwavutitsa, afunseni momwe mungathandizire kapena zomwe akufuna kuti muchite. Kuchita mwachifundo kungakhale kusiyana pakati pa kusazindikira ndikudziwitsa mnzanuyo kuti mumamukonda.
3. Kodi mungatani kuti mukhale wachifundo kwambiri muubwenzi? Osaweruza
Yerekezerani izi: mutatha kulimba mtima, mwangouza mnzanuyo kuti mumada nkhawa akamalankhula ndi mnzake wakale. Ngati mnzanu akukusekani ndikukunyozani chifukwa cha nkhawa yanu, simudzakhumudwa nazo. Pamene nkhawa zanu, malingaliro anu, ndi malingaliro anu akumana ndi chiweruzo ndi kuunika, simudzakhala ofunitsitsa kugawana china chirichonse. Chifukwa chake, kuti mukhale wachifundo, musamaweruze mwankhanza mmene mnzanuyo akumvera.
Jaseena anati: “Musamamudzudzule, musamanyoze mnzanu poyera, ndipo nthawi zonse muzilemekeza zimene amakonda ndi zimene sakonda. Kupanda chifundo mu maubwenzi nthawi zambiri kumapangitsa kuti m'modzi aziweruza mwankhanza mnzakeyo kapena kunyozetsa chisankho chilichonse chomwe apanga.
“N’chifukwa chiyani mukuganizira mopitirira muyeso izi? Mukungochita zinthu mopanda nzeru…”, ndi njira yowononga kwambiri yonyoza mnzanu muubwenzi . M’malo moyesa “kukonza” malingaliro a mnzanu, kuvomereza, kumvetsetsa, ndi kuvomereza. Kukhala wachifundo kwambiri kumatanthauza kumvetsetsa malingaliro a munthu popanda kuwonjezera anu. Popeza zigamulo zanu ndi mbali ya malingaliro anu, simuyenera kuwalola kuti atenge chifundo chomwe muyenera kukhala nacho.
4. Kukulitsa chifundo kudzera muzochita
Zabwino kwambiri, kudzera mukulankhulana kogwira mtima, tsopano mukudziwa zomwe mnzanuyo akumva komanso chifukwa chake akumva choncho. Koma… mukuchita chiyani nazo? Kodi ndi zokhazo zimene zingakuthandizeni kupeza mmene mungakhalire wachifundo? Pokhapokha mutaika ndalama zanu pakamwa panu, sizipanga kusiyana kwakukulu. Ndipo ayi, sitikutanthauza kuponya ndalama pavuto lanu, tikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuyenda.
Jaseena anati: “Mungathenso kumumvera chisoni pochita zina mwa maudindo a mnzanuyo.” Ngati mukudziwa kuti akulimbana ndi udindo winawake, muthandizeni. Kodi funso la momwe mungakhalire omverana chisoni muubwenzi lakupatsirani kukakamira? Yankho lingakhale losavuta monga kutenga ntchito yomwe amadana nayo. Valani magolovesi anu; tikutsuka mbale izi mpaka zipse.
PS, ngati mnzanuyo sachitapo kanthu kuti achitepo kanthu mwachifundo ndipo mukuganiza momwe mungapangire munthu kukhala wachifundo, pitilizani kuwauza kuti mukufuna kuti akuganizireni mochulukirapo. Monga tanenera kale, njira yokhayo yopezera chifundo ndiyo kulankhulana maganizo anu, osati kuganiza kuti mnzanuyo awerenga maganizo anu.
5. Chisoni mu maubwenzi okondana ndi kuthandizana
Chithandizo chimabwera m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Mwina mnzanu akufuna kuti muwasamalire zinazake, kapena mwina akufuna kuti akumve. Pamene mukuyesetsa kukhala wothandiza kwambiri muukwati wanu kapena ubale wanu, ndikofunikiranso kuyesa kupeza mtundu wa chithandizo chomwe akufunikira.
Izi ndi zomwe zingathandize: pamene wokondedwa wanu akusowa thandizo, afunseni ngati akufuna kuti mungomvetsera kapena muthandizeni kuthetsa chinachake. Mukathetsa kusamvana kulikonse, mumawonetsetsa kuti chifukwa chabwino sichidzakwiyitsa mnzanu.
M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mudzakhala wachifundo kwambiri mwa kukhala wochirikiza. Pamene mnzanuyo akudziwa kuti nthawi zonse amakhala ndi womukhulupirira ndipo akhoza kuthawira kwa inu, sadzakhala ndi nkhawa kuti inu simumvetsa maganizo awo. Momwe mungakhalire achifundo kwambiri muubwenzi zingakhale zophweka monga choncho.
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6. Pezani kulinganizika pakati pa ulemu ndi ulemu wanu
N’kutheka kuti pofuna kudziwa mmene mungakhalire wachifundo, mukhoza kumangonyalanyaza zofuna zanu. Popeza kuti ntchito yonseyi inayamba ndi cholinga chakuti nonse mukhale ofanana, ziyenera kukhala choncho.
“Kumvera chisoni munthu winayo sikutanthauza kuti mumaika zofuna za mnzanuyo patsogolo kotheratu kuposa zanu.” Muyenera kudzimvera chisoni kuti mumvetse bwino za mnzanuyo. Pambuyo pake m’pamenenso mnzakoyo adzamva ngati angakufikireni.
Munayamba mwawonapo mankhwala a maanja m'mafilimu? Mfundo yonse kumbuyo, "Mukanena izi, ndikumva izi", ndikudziwitsa mnzanuyo za momwe akumvera kuti athe kukhala osamala kwambiri pa zisankho zomwe amapanga. Kwenikweni, zimabala chifundo.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Monga chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi, kumverana chisoni kumakupatsani mwayi wokulitsa ubale wapamtima ndi mnzanu ndikuthandizira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino.
- Kuti alimbikitse, onse awiri ayenera kulankhulana ndi kulimbikitsana ndi chikondi, chifundo, ulemu, ndi chithandizo.
- Pochita chifundo chanu, mulimbikitsidwa kuthandiza wokondedwa wanu pazomwe akumva, kulimbitsa chithandizo ndi kulemekezana.
Momwe mungakhalire omvetsa chisoni kwambiri muubwenzi, kapena kumvetsetsa momwe mungakhalire omvera chisoni kwambiri muubwenzi, zitha kuchitika mwachibadwa kwa ena, pomwe ena angafunike kukambirana za izi pang'ono. Ndipo mukatha kumva zomwe mnzanuyo akumva, mwina simungachite zambiri kuti muwapweteke. Ngati pakadali pano mukufuna kukhala omvetsa chisoni kwambiri muubwenzi wanu, Bonobology ili ndi alangizi ambiri odziwa bwino ntchito omwe angakhale okonzeka kukutsogolerani munjira yonseyi. Ayi, sizidzakhala ngati m'mafilimu, tikulonjeza.
Ibibazo
Zizindikiro za kusowa chifundo nthawi zambiri amaoneka ngati zizindikiro za kupanda ulemu muubwenzi. Ngati malingaliro anu akunyozedwa ndi kuchotsedwa, ngati mukukumana ndi kutsutsidwa kowononga kwa kusatetezeka kwanu, kapena pamene mnzanuyo sakutha kumvetsa maganizo anu, zonsezi zimasonyeza kusowa chifundo.
Kupanda chifundo kumatha kukhala chifukwa cha zovuta zomwe sizinathetsedwe zomwe zimayambitsa mkwiyo pakapita nthawi, kapena zikhalidwe zodzikonda mu umunthu wanu. Mwina ndinu otalikirana kapena simutha kulumikizana bwino ndi mnzanu. Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, chithandizo cha maanja ndikuwongolera kulumikizana kungathandizedi.
Mosasamala kanthu za jenda la munthu yemwe alibe chifundo mu chiyanjano, mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti popanda izo, mphamvu zanu zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kutsoka. Chifundo chimabala ulemu, ulemu umabala kukhulupirirana. Popanda chilichonse mwa mfundo zazikuluzikuluzi, ubale uliwonse umakhala pachiwopsezo.
Ngati mukuganiza kuti mungakhale bwanji achisoni pamameseji, ndi momwe mumawonetsera chifundo pamaso panu. Lemba lakuti, “Ndikumvetsa mmene mukumvera komanso kumene mukuchokera, ndikudziwa zimene zikukuchitikirani,” lingakhale lokwanira kusonyeza chifundo kudzera m’malemba. Nthawi zina, kuganiza momwe amaonera ndikuuza mnzanuyo kuti, "Ndikumvetsetsa momwe mumaonera nkhaniyi," ndi momwe mungapangire chifundo pa maubwenzi achikondi kudzera m'malemba.
Chifundo mu zitsanzo za maubwenzi zili ponseponse, makamaka mu maubwenzi abwino. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzako wakhala ndi tsiku loipa kuntchito, kudziyika nokha mu nsapato kungakupangitseni kumvetsetsa momwe aliri otopa, ndipo mwina simungayembekezere kuti apite nawo ku chakudya chamadzulo. Ngati simunali wachifundo ndi kuyembekezera chakudya deti mosasamala kanthu, izo kwambiri mwina kuchititsa ndewu kuti akhoza kupewedwa ndi pang'ono chabe kuganizira.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
