Cinga ngobomi njengesibhakabhaka ebusuku. Inyanga esiliva bubudlelwane bakho, kwaye iinkwenkwezi ezibengezela ngeenxa zonke kuyo ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuhle obenza ubomi bube mnandi. Inyanga iya kujongeka ingagqibekanga ngaphandle kweenkwenkwezi, kwaye kuya kuba njalo nangobudlelwane bakho ukuba busilela kwiimpawu ezili-15 ezichazwe ngezantsi.
Abafundi abaninzi babhalela iBonobology becela isikhokelo esincinci kwiinkalo ezintle zobudlelwane bothando. Wonke umntu uthanda imbono egxile kwizinto ezilungileyo. Kulungile, nantsi sinayo. Unokujonga ezi mpawu njengeziphuculi zothando. Ngaba ubudlelwane bakho bukhangela ezi bhokisi? Ukuba akunjalo, ungakhathazeki. Siza kukuxelela nendlela onokuzihlakulela ngayo.
Ngathi, ndithetha mna kunye nengcaphephe ebhodini namhlanje - umcebisi Manjari Saboo (IiMasters kwi-Applied Psychology kunye neDiploma yasemva kwesiDanga kuNyango loSapho kunye neNgcebiso yokuKhathalelwa kwaBantwana), umseki weMaitree Counselling, inyathelo elinikezelwe kwintlalo-ntle yeemvakalelo yeentsapho nabantwana.
I-Manjari ilapha kunye nemigqaliselo embalwa ecacileyo kunye nemibono ecacileyo kwiinkwenkwezi ezikhanyayo ebomini bethu - iimpawu zeqabane elihle lobudlelwane ezenza ubomi bube mnandi.
Luyintoni Ubudlelwane Obulungileyo ekumele ukuba bubenje?
Isiqulatho
Ngelizwi elinye - ukonwaba. Ulwalamano oluhle lufanele lukwenze uzive unqabisekile, wonwabile yaye wanelisekile. Kodwa ke, oku akusoloko kusenzeka. Ulwalamano ngalunye luhamba ngeentsuku zalo zemvula (kunye nezaqhwithi) kodwa a ubudlelwane olomeleleyo nobunempilo ikwenza wonwabe ixesha elininzi.
Ndivumele ndibeke ngolu hlobo: ubudlelwane obuhle benza umthi kuwe. Ikuncothula emhlabeni kwaye ikuvumela ukuba ukhule ubheke phezulu. Akukho fomyula imiselweyo yokwakha ubudlelwane obuya kukwenza umthi olungileyo. Kukho iibhiliyoni zabantu, iibhiliyoni zeentlobo zothando, kunye neebhiliyoni zeentlobo zamabhondi. Kodwa into esinokuyenza kukukunika umkhombandlela jikelele obonakala usebenzela abantu abaninzi phaya.
Olu lwalathiso alufuni kakhulu kuwe. Ikucela kuphela ukuba ube ngumntu onovelwano ngakumbi. Uyabona, abantu abasempilweni benza ubudlelwane obunempilo. Okunye ukuziphucula kunye nokuzihlola kufuneka kukuse kwindlela elungileyo. Iimpawu ezili-15 zobudlelwane obuhle ezidweliswe apha yikhampasi yakho.
Ndiyathemba ukuba uya kufumana amanqaku ambalwa abalulekileyo ahambelana nawe. Oku kuya kukunceda ufumane impendulo kwinto echaza ubudlelwane obuhle (kuba sonke kufuneka senze iinkcazo zethu ngokwethu). Apha siqala ngeempawu zobudlelwane obuhle, aka, iimpawu zobudlelwane obude.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimephu zothando: Inceda njani Ukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo
I-15 yeempawu zoBudlelwane obulungileyo obenza uBomi bube nolonwabo
Into yokuqala IsiManjari icacisa ukuba akukho fomula. Enye idibanise enye zimbini kunye ne-hydrogen kunye neoksijini zenza amanzi, kodwa akukho zithako zinokuhlangana ukuze zihlale zenza ubudlelwane obuhle. Uthi: “Ukuba ufuna isicombululo esiya kuqinisekisa ulonwabo nothando, uya kuphoxeka.
Oko kuthethwa, kukho iimpawu ezimbalwa ezinokukunceda uqonde ukuba yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane obuhle ekugqibeleni. Emva koko ungaziphucula kwaye uzisebenzise ngesakho isitayile! Makhe sijonge ezi mpawu zithandekayo zabalingane abalungileyo, kwaye siphendule umbuzo - yintoni ubudlelwane obuhle ekumele ukuba bubenje?
1. Ii-C ezimbini - Inkathalo kunye nokuvumelana
UManjari uthi: “Olona phawu lubalulekileyo kulwalamano olusenyongweni kukuthanda izibini ezibonisa inkxalabo. Abaziva benyanzelekile ukuba benze oku. Le nkxalabo ivela kwindawo yothando, kungekhona uxanduva okanye ukuzibophelela.
Imibuzo yemihla ngemihla ngathi 'uye watya isidlo sasemini?' okanye 'belunjani usuku lwakho?' zikhangeleka zingabalulekanga, kodwa eneneni zinkulu ngexabiso. Amaqabane axhalabele impilo-ntle yabanye ebalulekileyo abonisa iimpawu zoqhagamshelo olomeleleyo oluqhutywa yimfuneko yokukhusela lowo umthandayo.
Ngokufanayo, ukuyekelela kwinto oyifuna ngokwenene ulonwabo lwentombi yakho okanye isoka luphawu oluhle lothando olungagungqiyo. Akukho budlelwane bunokuzigcina ngaphandle kokulalanisa. Into eyenza ubomi bube mnandi kukulungela kwethu ukuzincama kancinci ngenxa yabo sibathandayo. Le mibingelelo yimiqondiso yokuba ubudlelwane bakho buya kuhlala ngonaphakade.
2. Uburharha obunempilo bungumgangatho wobudlelwane obuhle
UAgnes Repplier wabhala: “Asinakumthanda ngokwenene nabani na esingahleki naye.” Andizange ndivume ngakumbi ngale nto. Uburharha obulungileyo buphumeza izinto ezimbini: a) kwenza amabala obomi anyamezeleke, kwaye b) kuphucula unxibelelwano phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho. Ithambo elihlekisayo phakathi kwabantu ababini lolunye lweempawu zokuqala zobudlelwane obuhle.
Ukuhleka kunye ngumsebenzi oqaqambileyo ekufuneka izibini ziwenze rhoqo. Thatha uBlake Lively kunye noRyan Reynolds umzekelo. Ukutsalwa komlenze, ukuqhula, kunye nolonwabo oluqhelekileyo luyi-stellar ukujonga. Uburharha bukhulisa umoya wokuthanda imidlalo kwizibini. Kwakhona kwakha umoya wobudlelwane kunye nobuhlobo obubalulekileyo kwimpumelelo yobudlelwane.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Okusempilweni vs. Ubudlelwane obungenaMpilo – Iimpawu ezili-10
3. Indlela ezimbini yokuthembana
Around a zillion websites thetha malunga kubaluleke kangakanani ukuthembana, kwaye ndiyazi ukuba udiniwe ukuva. Kodwa ukuthembana kokona kuchaza ulwalamano oluhle. Uthando luyakhulula kwindalo kuba lubeka ukholo ebantwini. Siziva sinamandla okwenza izinto ngenxa yentembeko amaqabane ethu ayibeke kuthi.
UManjari uchaza indlela ukuthembana okunokwenza ngayo ubomi bube lula. “Ukuzingela intombi okanye inkwenkwe othandana nayo, ukuyiqikelela yonke into abayithethayo, uze ‘uyibeke iliso’ kubo kukwenza kudinwe kakhulu kwaye (ngokungeyomfuneko) kuyamangalisa. izenzo zokwakha ukuthembana oko kuya kwenza imimangaliso kubudlelwane bakho. Kulungile ukuthembela nokuthenjwa; ikwenza uzive ukhuselekile.”
4. Yintoni echaza ulwalamano oluhle? Intlonipho eninzi
Ukuba nomsindo okanye ukungavisisani akusiso isizathu sokungabi nantlonelo. Kwaye enye yezona mpawu zibalulekileyo zobudlelwane obuhle kukuhlonipha iqabane lakho kumntu elinguye. Abantu abakubudlelwane obunempilo abanakuze babe neentloni ngesiqingatha sabo esingcono okanye babenze bazive ngathi abonelanga.
Ukongezwa koku ngokuhlonela imida yabo kunye nendawo yobuqu. Lulwazi lokuba iimfuno zeqabane lakho zisenokungasoloko zihambelana nawe, kwaye oko kulungile. U-Phoebe Buffay unokubonakala ngathi akakhohlisi kwizigqibo zakhe, kodwa uMike Hannigan akaze adlule kwintetho ethobayo. Abazali bakhe basenokungayithandi indlela aziphatha ngayo, kodwa yena uyammela.
5. Ingqalelo eyohlukeneyo
Enye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokuqonda oku kukucinga ngomzekelo owunikwa nguManjari; “Xa isibini sisenza umgudu onyanisekileyo wokuhlala sichithakele kubomi bomnye nomnye, siyasondelana ngakumbi ngenxa yokuba sibandakanyekile.” Sabelana ngoko kwenzekayo suku ngalunye, yaye sikhangele phambili ekubeni kunye.
Isitshixo sokubandakanyeka kukuboleka iqabane lakho indlebe ebukhali. Njengoko uPaul Tillich wabhala, "Umsebenzi wokuqala wothando kukuphulaphula." Ulwalamano oluhle lolunye apho uphuma khona kwi-Instagram kwaye umamele intetho yeqabane lakho.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ingcebiso ngobudlelwane kubatshatileyo- Iindlela ezingama-25 zokomeleza iBond yakho
6. Ulwalamano olusenyongweni nomsa ziimpawu zolwalamano oluhle
Ngoku kukho iintlobo ngeentlobo zothando kunye neendlela ezahlukahlukeneyo zokubonisa uthando. Naziphi na kwaye zonke ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuhle. Isibini ngasinye sinolwimi lwaso lothando. Ezinye zigcinwe ngakumbi; abanye bayachukumiseka ngakumbi. Kodwa eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukubonakalisa uthando lwabo ngaphandle ngendlela ethile.
The ukuhambelana ngokwesondo kubudlelwane obuhle bukwinqanaba, kwaye kukho imida ephilileyo malunga nemvume. U'hayi' kwisondo akathathwa buqu (okanye ngobundlongondlongo) kwaye onke amakhubalo ayaphononongwa ngesivumelwano. Ukukhokela ubomi besondo obusebenzayo, kunye nokuthandana nomntu onothando ngokwasemzimbeni luvuyo olukhulu!
7. Uvelwano ngeqabane lakho
Isicatshulwa esikhulu se-cliché esithi 'ububele simahla' siyasebenza nakubudlelwane. Uvelwano kunye novelwano kufuneka ludlulele nakwiqabane lakho. Into echaza ulwalamano oluhle kukuqonda kungekuphela nje iimfuno neminqweno kodwa nakwiimpazamo kunye neentsilelo. Abantu abasempilweni basoloko bekwamkela ukungafezeki kwamaqabane abo. Zonke ezi ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuhlala ixesha elide.
Iqabane elinamandla okuzibeka ezihlangwini zakho liyintsikelelo. Abananqala kwaye baxolela ngendalo. Ubudlelwane obuqinileyo bubonakaliswa ngokungabikho ukulayita igesi kunye nokuphathwa kakubi. Alukho uhambo lokutyala okanye ukwenza i-blackmailing kuba iqabane lakho lingaphezulu kwayo yonke loo nto.
8. Iziseko zobuhlobo ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuhle
UJake Peralta noAmy Santiago, uDavid Rose noPatrick Brewer, okanye ngaphezulu ngokulula uHarry noSally. Yonke ke le yimizekelo yobuhlobo obuye bakhula baba kubudlelwane. Ndikholelwa ukuba isibini esinesiseko esiluqilima sobuhlobo sinokuqonda ngakumbi. Ngaphambi kokuba bafumane iswiti omnye komnye, banombono othile wenjongo yeqabane labo.
UManjari uyavumelana noko aze athi, “Ubuhlobo buyamangalisa ngokwenene. Yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane obuhle buhlale buhleli kukuba yi-pal kwisithandwa sakho.
9. Ukuzinikela kwikamva
Ndiyakwazi ukubona abanye benu besoyika behleka eli gama 'ukuzibophelela.' Akukho mntu ukubuza ukuba uthi 'ndiyakwenza', ndicela ukhululeke. Ekuphela kwento esiyithethayo kukuba ubudlelwane obunempilo buhlala busingise kwinto yexesha elide. Bobabini abantu babonana kwizicwangciso zabo zexesha elizayo. Basenokungabi nomfanekiso ocacileyo, kodwa umzobo orhabaxa ubandakanya ubudlelwane.
Oku kwenza ubomi buhle kuba, phakathi kwakho konke oku kungaqiniseki, unobudlelwane obuhlala buhleli. Oku kuqiniseka kungumthombo wentuthuzelo. Injongo yokubona ikamva kunye kukuvelisa imvakalelo yokuba ngoothile. Kum, oku kuchaza ubudlelwane obuhle.
10. Unxibelelwano olunentsingiselo
Ngaphandle kokwabelana ngemihla, enye yeempawu zeqabane elilungileyo lobudlelwane bubuchule babo bo unxibelelwano olunentsingiselo. Oku kuvumela imvakalelo yokuthuthuzela ukwabelana ngeengcinga kunye neemvakalelo ngokukhululekileyo kunye neqabane lomntu. Akukho ukuvalelwa kwengqumbo okanye umsindo ocinezelweyo. Kwanemilo isonjululwa ngokuqolileyo.
UManjari uphawula inkalo ebalulekileyo, “Xa izibini ezikulwalamano oluphilileyo zisilwa, iimvakalelo ziyatshintsha. Umoya ubonisa iimvakalelo ezivakaliswayo. Kodwa kwiqhina elingafanelekanga, izibini zilandela umgaqo ‘ongabonwayo, ngaphandle kwengqondo.’ Owokuqala ubonisa ukuba unxibelelwano luye lwafikelela kubantu ababandakanyekileyo; ukuba bayavana yaye banyamekelane ngokunzulu.”
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezingama-30 ezintle onokuzenza kunye nesithandwa sakho ekhaya
11. Ukuba noxabiso ngomnye wemiqondiso yokuqala yolwalamano oluhle
Ukubulela, kunye nokuncoma zizinto ezibalulekileyo zobudlelwane obuyimpumelelo. Sonke siyayithanda impama emqolo esiqhubela phambili. Amaqabane akhuthazanayo amnandi ukuwajonga. Bayaqaphela baze babulele ngezimbo zomzimba ezenziwa ngomnye. Nokuba kukuvuyisana okanye amazwi ambalwa okhuthazo, uxabiso luhamba umgama omde.
Esongezelela koku, uManjari ucacisa athi: “Akukho mntu unokuqhubeka egxekwa ngokuqhubekayo.” Ekubeni ulwalamano olufanelekileyo lunoxabiso oluninzi olubandakanyekileyo, abantu bayaphumelela kulo.
12. Ukunyaniseka ekusebenzisaneni kuko okuchaza ulwalamano oluhle
Lo uhleli empumlweni, kwaye wonke umntu uyazi ukuba ukungafihli yenye yezona mpawu zibalaseleyo zobudlelwane obuhle. Kodwa ithwala ukuphindaphinda kuba kukho imigangatho emininzi yokunyaniseka. Unyanisekile ngokuba nguwe kwaye uziphathe kubudlelwane ngaphandle kokuzenzisa. Emva koko kukho ukunyaniseka ngokoqobo kokungaxoki omnye komnye. Kwaye ekugqibeleni, unokunyaniseka ekuthetheni ingqondo yakho.
Zontathu zibalulekile, kwaye zontathu zenza ubomi bube buhle. Ukunyaniseka kuluphawu lokuhlonela amaqabane ethu. Yindlela yokuphepha ukungakhuseleki kubudlelwane bakho. Ikwaluphawu lwengqibelelo nokuba nesazela. Kuba abantu banokuhlala benomsindo kwinyani, kunokuba bacaphukele ixoki…
13. Ukunyaniseka (ngokweemvakalelo nangesondo)
Ihamba ngaphandle kokuthi ukukopela iqabane lakho yi-NO enkulu. Ukuqhathwa kuneziphumo ezihlala zihleli, kwaye ubudlelwane obuqinileyo nobunempilo abuboni iimeko zokungathembeki, nokuba kungokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni. Ewe, ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo kuyinto yokwenene. Kwaye kubi ngokufanayo. Luyintoni ulwalamano oluhle olufanele ukuba lufana, uyabuza?
Kuqhutywa kukuthembana nokunyaniseka, ukunyaniseka kuphakathi kweempawu ezintle zolwalamano oluhle. Kwanokuba ubani ubonakalisa uthando kumntu onolwalamano olukhuselekileyo nolulungileyo, uya kumala ngokuqinileyo. Akukho nalinye iqabane lixhalabele ukungcatshwa kuba likhuselekile kakhulu kunxibelelwano lwabo. Ukunyaniseka nokuzibophelela yimiqondiso yokuba ubudlelwane bakho buya kuhlala ngonaphakade.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: 8 Umahluko phakathi kokuthandana kunye nokuba kubudlelwane
14. Ukuzimela kwamaqabane
Ah, umntu ngamnye kunye nokuzimela ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuhle. Xa umntu ngamnye ekhokela ubomi bakhe ngaphandle kobudlelwane, abakhuphisani. Iqela lakhe labahlobo, izinto azithandayo, ulangazelelo, kunye nezinto azenzayo zibagcina bexakekile. Oku kuthetha ukuba amaqabane akakho ubambelele okanye ubandakanyeke kakhulu nabanye. Ukugcina ubomi babo obahlukeneyo yenye yeempawu zokuqala zobudlelwane obuhle.
Eyibeka ngokucacileyo le nto, uManjari uthi, “Kumnandi kakhulu ukuba nobomi bakho ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho bothando. Ungabuyela ekhaya kwiqabane lakho yonke imihla, kodwa ngeentsuku abangekho ngazo, awuziva ulahlekile.
15. Ukungaguquguquki eluthandweni yinto eyenza ukuba ulwalamano oluhle luhlale luhleli
Ubudlelwane obuqinileyo abuboni izigaba zasendle kwakhona. Imilo? Ewe. Iingxabano? Ewe. Amakhulu okuqhawula kunye ne-melodrama? Akunjalo. Ulwalamano oluhle aluguquguquki. Amaqabane agqibe kwelokuba anamathele kunye kwaye yiloo nto kanye ayenzayo.
Kuhle ukubona abantu ababini abahlelwe ngokucacileyo entloko. Bajonga iingxabano njengenxalenye yobudlelwane kwaye bazithathele phezulu. Iimvakalelo zabo aziguquki kwaye azijiki phakathi kwenkanuko nentiyo yokuziphindezela. Ukuhambelana ngundoqo, kwaye enye yeempawu ubudlelwane bakho buya kuhlala ngonaphakade.
Loluphi uluhlu oluphawulekayo, akunjalo? Ngaba uzibonile ezi mpawu kubudlelwane bakho? Kulungile, ndiyathemba ukuba wenze njalo, kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uhlala wenza njalo. Ezi nkwenkwezi zobomi bethu ziya kuqaqamba ngokuqaqambileyo logama nje uqhubeka usenza iinzame zokucinga. Iminqweno yethu enyanisekileyo kuwe kuhambo lwakho lokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obuhle!
Izinto ezingama-20 omawuzenze ukuze wenze intombazana yakho yonwabe
Siphele nini iSigaba seHoneymoon? Iimpawu ezili-15 ekufuneka uzilumkele
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
