Indlela yokuphelisa imiba yokuzibophelela? Ukuba uzifumene ukhangela iimpendulo kulo mbuzo, amathuba okuba amava akho kubudlelwane ahluke kakhulu kunabanye abaninzi. Ukufumana enye kunye nokudala ezethu ngokonwaba emva koko kunye nabo ngumnqweno uninzi lwethu oluthi luwuqalise ngezest. Lilo, emva koko, lithathwa njengelona nqanaba libalulekileyo lobomi. Kumntu onemiba yokuzibophelela, amandla okufumana iqabane lobomi okanye ukuhlala kubudlelwane obude ajikwe entloko.
Kubo, ingcamango yokuba kunye nomnye umntu ubomi bonke inokubangela ukuxhalaba, ukwesaba kunye nokusabela kwendiza. Kwaye ayingomthombo wovuyo okanye amathemba namaphupha. Kodwa yintoni imiba yokuzibophelela? Zeziphi izizathu ezisisiseko kunye nezalathi ezingundoqo zokoyika ukuzibophelela? Kwaye unokwenza ntoni xa unemiba yokuzibophelela?
Makhe siphendule le mibuzo ngokubonisana nonyango lwengqondo Gopa Khan (IiMasters kwi-Counselling Psychology, M.Ed), osebenza ngomtshato kunye neengcebiso kusapho, ukukunceda ukuba ufumanise indlela yokufikelela kwimiba yokuzinikela.
Yintoni Imiba Yokuzibophelela?
Isiqulatho
Uhambo lokufikelela kwimiba yokuzibophelela luqala ekuqondeni ukuba oku kubandakanya ntoni kunye nefuthe lazo kwindlela oziphethe ngayo kubudlelwane. Ke, masiqale ngokuphonononga ukuba yeyiphi imiba yokuzibophelela kubudlelwane. Xa abantu ababini bedibene kubudlelwane bothando, kwaye benze isithembiso sokuziqhelanisa neemvakalelo kunye nokuba nomfazi omnye ngokwesondo, banamathelane kubunzima bobomi, kwaye bavakalise umnqweno wokuchitha ubomi babo kunye - kukuzinikela oko.
Ukungakwazi ukuzibophelela komnye umntu ukusa kumkhamo wokuba ubomi bakho budibane ngonaphakade bunokuchazwa njengemiba yokuzibophelela kubudlelwane. Ngelixa uloyiko lokuzibophelela ludla ngokuxoxwa kumxholo wobudlelwane bothando, umntu ozamana nemiba yokuzibophelela usenokubonakalisa ukunqongophala kwesiqiniseko kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi naye.
Kubuhlobo, kunokubonakala njengokungakwazi ukugcina izithembiso neziqinisekiso. Kubomi bomsebenzi, kunokuthetha ukuthi hayi kwiiprojekthi zexesha elide ngenxa yokoyika ukubotshwa kwindima ethile. Nangona kunjalo, imiba yokuzibophelela iphuma ngamandla kakhulu kubudlelwane obusondeleyo.
Ekugqibeleni, kubilisa kuloyiko lokuzibophelela kuyo nantoni na kwaye imiliselwe kuyo isayikholoji yesimbo sokuncamathela. Umntu onemiba yokuzibophelela uya kuba nesimbo sokuncamathela esingakhuselekanga, esinokuhlelwa ngokweendidi ezintathu:
1. Ukugxotha-ukuphepha
Xa umntu esenza ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kodwa egcina iqabane lakhe lide njengengalo. Abafuni ukuqala bathembele kwiqabane labo kwaye abafuni ukuba iqabane labo lixhomekeke kubo. Ukuchaza le ndlela yonobangela wokuzibophelela kwi-phobia, ingcali yezempilo yengqondo Gopa Khan uthi, “Umntu akaziva enyanzelekile ukuba achithe ixesha neqabane lakhe, uphatha ulwalamano ngokulinganayo nobuhlobo obuqhelekileyo basentlalweni kwaye akabeki phambili kwiimfuno zeqabane.” Kumaxesha amaninzi kwiimeko ezinjalo, elinye iqabane linemiba yokunqongophala ‘kwexesha elisemgangathweni’, nto leyo ekhokelela ekubeni iqabane lakhe libe nolwalamano oluhle naye. iingxabano kubudlelwane. "
2. Uloyiko-ukuphepha
Kule meko, umntu onemiba yokuzibophelela unqwenela ukuzibophelela, ubudlelwane bexesha elide kodwa uyoyika kakhulu ukwenza lo mnqweno ngenxa yokoyika ukwenzakaliswa. Inokuchazwa njengoloyiko lokuzibophelela okanye umntu ongalunganga. UGopa usichazela ngomzekelo wemibandela eyoyikayo yokuphepha ukuzibophelela, esithi, “UMeena uzimisele ngokwenene ukutshata. Abazali bakhe baye bamazisa kubantu abaninzi.
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3. Ukuxhalaba-ukukhathazeka
Olu hlobo lokuzibophelela kwi-phobia iprojekthi yokungaqiniseki kunye noloyiko komnye umntu. Umntu ochaphazelekayo uqala ukukholelwa ukuba ngelixa befuna ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuzinikela kubudlelwane, iqabane labo alifuni. UGopa ukholelwa ukuba ukungakwazi ukuzibophelela okuxhalabileyo kuxhaphakile, ngakumbi kubantu abadala abancinci.
Ucacisa athi: “Abakwazi ukuthemba amaqabane abo, beza neemeko zokungathembeki okanye abakwazi ukuphelisa ‘isizathu’ sokuba nabani na afune ukuba nolwalamano nabo.” Ngenxa yoko, abakwazi ukuzibophelela ngokupheleleyo njengoko belindele ukuba olo lwalamano lusilele.
Nokuba yeyiphi na kunye nobukhulu bayo, uloyiko lokuzibophelela phantse isoloko inxulumene namava obomi abuhlungu anjengobuntwana obunetyhefu, ukukhulela kusapho olungasebenziyo, ukuxhatshazwa, ukuqhawuka komtshato nokungathembeki.
Ziziphi iiMpawu zeMiba yokuzibophelela?
Ukuziva ungaqinisekanga kancinci, uvalo oluncinci xa usenza iqabane okanye uthatha inyathelo elikhulu kubudlelwane yinto eqhelekileyo kwaye yendalo. Ngoko ke, yintoni eyenza olu loyiko lwahluke kuloyiko lokuzibophelela? Wazi njani ukuba kufuneka wenze umsebenzi ukuyeka ukuba nemiba yokuzibophelela kwaye into ojongene nayo ayikho nje imeko yeenyawo ezibandayo? Jonga ezi mpawu zemiba yokuzinikela ukuze wazi umahluko:
- Ukoyika ukubotshwa: Ulinganisa ukuba kubudlelwane nokuphulukana nenkululeko yakho kwaye woyiswe kukoyika ukubotshwa
- Umngcipheko kolunye ubudlelwane: Amaqabane othando abonakala esongelwa ubuhlobo bakho, ubomi bentlalo kunye nobunye ubudlelwane ebomini bakho
- Ukulahlekelwa ngumdla: Nakuphi na ukulindela ukuzibophelela kwiqabane lakho ngoko nangoko ikwenza ulahlekelwe ngumdla kuzo. Uqala ukuzijonga ngendlela eyahlukileyo okanye usenokufumanisa ukuba awusatsaleleki kuzo
- IiFlings, hayi ubudlelwane bexesha elide: Imbali yakho yobudlelwane ngumtya omfutshane, odlulayo wokuthandana udibanelano kunonxibelelwano lwexesha elide
- Iintlanzi ezininzi elwandle: Ulinganisa ukuzibophelela kumntu omnye kunye nokuphoswa kwamanye amathemba 'angcono' ngaphandle
- Awukwazi ukwenza isigqibo: Xa ucelwa ukuba uzibophelele, uhlala ucela ixesha elingakumbi lokwenza isigqibo
- Ukuphatha ubudlelwane njengeendawo zokumisa: Ubudlelwane bufana neendawo zokumisa kuhambo lwakho lobomi. Awunakuzibona usabelana ngobomi bakho nomntu nje omnye
- Uloyiko lokwenzakala: Uzinqanda ekubeni utyale ngokweemvakalelo kwiqabane ngenxa yokoyika ukwenzakaliswa okanye ukungcatshwa. Uloyiko lwakho lokuzibophelela, enyanisweni, yindlela yokuzikhusela
- Uyoyika iilebhile: Xa iilebhile ezinje 'intombi', 'isoka', 'iqabane' okanye 'iqabane' likoyikisa, ngokungathandabuzekiyo uyasilela kuvavanyo lwemiba yokuzibophelela.
- Ukungathathi la manyathelo alandelayo: Ngenxa yokungakwazi ukuzibophelela, udla ngokuphelisa ubudlelwane ngaphambi kokuba izinto zibe mbi kakhulu
- Ukungazibophelelanga: Ukuba akunjalo, uyakuvuyela ukubethelela omnye umntu ngaphandle kokubanika iimpendulo eziqinisekileyo ngekamva
- Akukho mnqweno wokubotshwa: Ingcinga yokulungelelanisa ishedyuli yakho nomnye umntu ikwenza wothuse
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Iingcebiso ezili-12 zendlela yokuPhepha kwiMiba yokuZibophelela
Ngaba unokunxulumana nale nkcazo ingentla kunye neempawu zemiba yokuzibophelela? Ngaba unqwenela ubudlelwane obunentsingiselo kodwa awazi nje indlela yokwenza indlela? Ngaba ukoyika kwakho ukuzibophelela kuye kwenza ubomi bakho bube nesithukuthezi? Ngaba ujonge ngamandla iindlela zokufumana ngaphezulu kwemiba yokuzibophelela? Ngaba lonke ubudlelwane bukushiya uzibuza, "Kutheni ndinemiba yokuzibophelela ngayo yonke into"?
Singayiqonda indlela enokuba buthathaka ngayo imiba yokuzibophelela kubudlelwane kunye nendlela enokwenza ngayo ubomi bakho bunganelisi. Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba akunyanzelekanga ukuba uphile ngale ndlela ngonaphakade. Ungabuguqula ubomi bakho bothando ngokufunda indlela yokuphelisa imiba yokuzibophelela. Ezi ngcebiso ezili-12 ezisebenzayo zokufumana imiba yokuzibophelela kwixesha elidlulileyo ziya kukunceda ukuba uqalise kwicala elifanelekileyo:
1. Phuma kwindawo yokuthandana ukulungisa imiba yokuzibophelela
Ewe, isenokuvakala iphikisana kancinci. Ungayilungisa njani imiba yokuzibophelela ngokuhlala ungatshatanga, uyabuza? Ewe, asikuceli ukuba ube ngumalusi. Kodwa ukuze ukhululeke kumjikelo wobudlelwane bokuzinikela-phobic, kufuneka uthathe ixesha lokubonisa kunye nokwazisa.
Oku kuya kukuvumela ukuba ugxile ekufundeni indlela yokuphuhlisa uxhulumaniso nomnye umntu ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka. Ukuphelisa uloyiko lokuzibophelela kuyo nayiphi na into, uGopa ucebisa, “Elona qhinga lihle kukuyeka ukuzifaka uxinzelelo lokuba umntu kufuneka athandane okanye abe nobudlelwane obuzibophelele ngenxa yokuba bayaluphala okanye banezihlobo kubudlelwane obuzibophelele.
"Oku kuya kukunceda ukuba ujonge ubudlelwane obufanelekileyo kuwe kwaye ungangxami kulwalamano lokuqala oluza ngendlela yakho ukuze uphele uphinda ipateni yokungakwazi ukuzibophelela." Ukufumana ngaphezulu kwemiba yokuzibophelela, kufuneka ulunge ngokuthatha izinto kancinci, uqhubele phambili ngesantya sakho, ubhiyozela impumelelo encinci endleleni ngelixa ungazibethi ngenxa yazo naziphi na iintsilelo.
2. Fumana ingcambu yoloyiko lwakho lokuzibophelela
Indlela yokuphelisa imiba yokuzibophelela? Kufuneka ulungele ukwenza umsebenzi wangaphakathi ukuze ufike kwingcambu ebangela le pateni eyingxaki. Imiba yokuzibophelela ayibambeki yodwa. Kukho izinto ezibangela uloyiko lokuzibophelela. Sebenzisa ixesha lakho ngaphandle kokuthandana ngokunemveliso ngokufikelela kwingcambu yoloyiko lwakho lokuzibophelela.
Ukungathembeki kusenokuba ngunobangela woku amadoda ukuzibophelela-phobic. Ngokufanayo, ukuxhatshazwa okanye ubundlobongela kunokukhokelela kwimiba yokuzibophelela kwabasetyhini. Ngaba ubunobudlelwane bexesha elide abuzange busebenze? Ngaba wawuqhawukile umtshato? Ngaba ubuntwana bakho bachaphazeleka kuqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali bakho? Ngaba ukhe waxhatshazwa okanye ukungathembeki ngokwakho okanye okukufutshane nawe?
Oku kunokuba sisizathu sokuba wenze i-phobia yokuzinikela. Ukuba kunjalo, ukusebenza nogqirha okanye umcebisi ukuze uhlangabezane nale mibandela isisiseko kububulumko. Fumana impendulo yalo mbuzo unzima-kutheni ndinemiba yokuzibophelela ngayo yonke into-ukuze ndikwazi ukwaphula indlela yakho yokuziphatha. Ukuba ukhangela uncedo olufanelekileyo lokuzikhulula kolu loyiko luqhwalelayo lokuzibophelela, abacebisi abanezakhono kunye nabanelayisensi Iphaneli yeBonobology zilapha ngenxa yakho.
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3. Nyaniseka kwisiqu sakho
Amaxesha amaninzi, amadoda namabhinqa athanda ukuzibophelela azikhohlisela ekubeni akholelwe ukuba abekho kwi ubudlelwane bexesha elide kuba abafuni ukuba. Baqala ukuvakalisa inkululeko, indlela yokuphila ye-maverick apho banokuthi babe netheko kude kuse kwaye balale bejikeleza ngaphandle kokukhathalelwa emhlabeni.
Kodwa ngaba le ndlela yokuphila ikuzisela ulonwabo lokwenene? Okanye ngaba uyazibhokoxa kuko ukuze uvale isikhewu ebomini bakho? Phendula le mibuzo ngokunyanisekileyo. Njengomntu onemiba yokuzibophelela, unokufumana intuthuzelo okomzuzwana kunye nokubaleka okugqibeleleyo ngobusuku bomsitho ongalawulekiyo okanye unxibelelwano olungenantsingiselo kodwa la mava anokukushiya uziva ungento yanto kwaye ungagqibekanga.
Ke, thatha ixesha lokuqonda ukuba yintoni le uyifuna ngokwenene? Ngaba ngokwenene ufuna ukungatshati ubomi bakho bonke okanye sele ulwenzile uxolo ngenxa yokuba kubonakala ngathi yeyona ndlela ilula yokuzibophelela komnye umntu? Ukungavumeli imiba yokuzinikela kubudlelwane ilawule uhlobo lobomi obuphilayo, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba yintoni kanye kanye oyifunayo kuyo.
4.Yeka ukuthandana nabantu ongenamdla kubo
Ukuthandana nomntu onemiba yokuzibophelela akukaze kube ngamava amnandi. Ukuqonda “intombi yam/isithandwa sam sinemiba yokuzibophelela” kubuhlungu, ukuthetha kancinci. Kutheni ubeka umntu kuyo ukuze ube nolonwabo lwakho oluqhelekileyo?
Ngoku uzama ukutshintsha iindlela zakho, qala ngokuphelisa utyekelo lokuhamba neentsuku nabantu ongenamdla kubo. ukuhlangana nomntu ongenanjongo yakubabona kwakhona. Gxininisa amandla akho ekuqondeni ukuba luhlobo luni lweqabane olufunayo kwaye wenze umzamo wokufuna loo mntu. Oku kuya kukunceda ukoyise uloyiko lokubotshwa.
UGopa uthi, "Isitshixo sokufikelela kwimiba yokuzibophelela kukuphepha ukungena kubudlelwane obaziyo ukuba abunakamva ngaphambili. Ukungena kubudlelwane obunjalo kwandisa uloyiko lokuzibophelela okanye umntu ongalunganga, njengoko uqala ukuziva ukuba akanakuze adibane nomntu ofanelekileyo. Ngenxa yoko, zonke iipatheni zokuzibophelela-zokoyika ziyadlala kwaye umntu uhlala ephindaphinda ezi patheni ziyingxaki.
Ngoko ke, kubalulekile ukuba ungangeni kulo “lophu.” Uninzi lwabantu lucinga ukuba luyaphoswa xa lungekho kulwalamano lomtshato xa, enyanisweni, olo lwalamano lunempembelelo embi kuwo omabini amaqabane.
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5. Indlela yokuphelisa imiba yokuzibophelela? Sebenzela ukuzithemba
Imiba yokuzibophelela nayo ibangelwa kukungazithembi. Mhlawumbi, anizange nithandane ixesha elide ngenxa yokuba kwindawo ethile emazantsi uvakalelwa kukuba akukho mntu uya kukuthanda. Imiba yokuzibophelela kwabasetyhini, ngokunjalo namadoda, nayo isenokubangelwa kukuzixabisa okuhlaselwe kukothuka kwangaphambili.
Mhlawumbi, wawunabazali ababekugxeka ngokugqithiseleyo ababekuxelele ukuba awufanelekanga okanye balindele lukhulu kuwe kangangokuba wavakalelwa kukuba awunakuze ulingane. Ngelixa ezi zisenokubonakala zingenabungozi, ezi mpembelelo zakuqala zinokukukhokelela ekubeni ube nembono egqwethekileyo ngawe, ekuthintela ukukwazi kwakho ukuphila ubomi obupheleleyo ngeendlela ezininzi, kubandakanywa nemiba yokuzinikela kubudlelwane.
Ke, sebenzela ekuguquleni indlela ozijonga ngayo. Ukuguqulwa kobuntu kunokuhamba indlela ende ekutshintsheni indlela ozijonga ngayo wena. Betha ijim, funda isakhono esitsha, ufezekise iinjongo ezintsha, thoba amava amatsha. Qala ukuzixabisa. NgokukaGopa, kubalulekile ukuba ukwazi ukuphila kwaye uzamkele ngaphandle kwemiqathango. Xa ukhetha ukuba nobudlelwane obunempilo kunye nawe, kunokwenzeka ukuba uzive 'ukhuselekile' kulusu lwakho, uvule amava amatsha, kunye nokuzinikela kwamkelekile.
"Iqhinga endilithandayo lokusebenza ngokukhawuleza ukuzithemba kunye ukuzithanda kukubhala yonke imihla into enye oyibulelayo ebomini bakho kunye nento enye oyixabisayo ngawe. Ekupheleni konyaka, uya kuba ubuncinane nezinto ezingama-300 onombulelo ngazo kunye neendlela ezingama-300 ozihloniphayo nokuzithanda kwakho. Ngokusisiseko, ufunda ukuba ngumhlobo wakho osenyongweni.” Oku kunokuba yenye yezona ndlela zisebenzayo zokuzibophelela kwi-phobia.
6. Zama ezinye imithambo yokoyika ukuzibophelela
Ukuba usebenza nonyango, ngokuqinisekileyo baya kukunika imithambo yokuzinikela kwi-phobia. Ukuba akunjalo, ungazama iindlela ezilula zokucamngca, ukuphefumla nzulu okanye ukucula ukuze ubambe ukungakhuseleki kunye namaxhala akho. Umbono kukutyalomali ekuzinakekeleni ukuze ufunde ukuba ungagxininisi njani kwizinto ezingalunganga.
UGopa uthi, “Eyona ndlela yokuphelisa uloyiko lokuzibophelela kuyo nantoni na kukugcina izibophelelo zakho nosapho kunye nabahlobo. Ngoko ke, ukuba uthembise usapho lwakho ukuba luya kubakho kwitheko elithile lentsapho, musa ukurhoxa ngomzuzu wokugqibela.
Njengoko besesitshilo ngaphambili, ukugqithisa imiba yokuzinikela kuthetha ukuzibophelela ekuthatheni amanyathelo amancinci ekungafundini iipatheni zakho zokuziphatha esele zikho kwaye uzimisele ezisempilweni. Awunakuyeka ukuba nemiba yokuzinikela. Ke gcina ulindelo lwakho ngokwenyani kwaye ugxile kwiinjongo zexesha elifutshane ukubona utshintsho lwexesha elide.
7. Qala ukuxhomekeka kwabanye ukulungisa imiba yokuzibophelela
Omnye umxholo ophambili wokuzibophelela kwi-phobia kukuba uyoyika ukuthembela komnye umntu ngenkxaso, uthando kunye nokhathalelo. Mhlawumbi, kukho into oye wayifundisa kwixesha elidlulileyo ukuba ukubala kwabanye yindlela eqinisekileyo yokuwa nokutshisa. Ngenxa yoko, waqalisa ukucaphuka, kangangokuba kwanengcamango yokusondela komnye umntu uziva uqhwalela ngoku.
Ke, kuthekani ngokuguqula oko ngokuxhomekeka kwabanye kwaye ubone ukuba ivakala njani? Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ibe liqabane lothando. Ungaqala kancinci ngokuthembela kubahlobo kunye nosapho. Ukufikelela kubo ngenkxaso kunye noncedo. Indlela oziva ngayo xa bekubuyisela inokukunceda woyise uloyiko lokuba ukuxhomekeka kwabanye kuya kukubangela intlungu kuphela.
Ukuzivocavoca ngokuzibophelela kwi-phobia kunokuba lula njengokwamkela uncedo olukhoyo okanye ukuphepha izithintelo zakho kunye nokwayama kubathandekayo bakho ngenkxaso. Njengoko uloyisa uloyiko lokushiywa uzikhusele, ngewuthathe inyathelo lokuqala lokufumana imiba yokuzibophelela edlulileyo.
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8. Ziqhelanise nokuxolelwa ukwaphula ukuzibophelela kwimijikelo yobudlelwane be-phobic
Isoka elikubethe laphela lanyamalala. Intombi eyajika yaba ngumakoti owabalekayo. Abazali ababekuphethe njenge pawn kwisivumelwano soqhawulo mtshato. Umntu otshate naye ekubethe wade waphela… Kufuneka ufumane indlela yokuxolela umntu okanye abantu abakophule intliziyo – mhlawumbi nomoya wakho – ngenxa yeenzuzo zabo zokuzingca.
Umendo wokwaphula ubudlelwane bokuzinikela-phobic uyadlula uxolelo kubudlelwane, kwixesha elidlulileyo nelikhoyo. Ukuba awuyinyangi into ekuphatha kakubi, wopha kwabo bangakusikanga. Isenokuba yeyona nto inzima ukuyenza, kodwa sithembe, iya kukukhulula.
UGopa ucebisa ukuba ungaqalisa ukubhala iileta (ngaphandle kokuzithumela kumntu obhalelwe) ngendlela oziva ngayo ukunye naye, yintoni eyakuva ubuhlungu, ziziphi iinkumbulo ezintle zokukwazi ukubaxolela ukuze ube noxolo lwengqondo. Le introspection iya kunceda ukuyeka ixesha elidlulileyo libuhlungu kancinci.
"Ingcamango kukuxolela kodwa ungalibali ngoko ke iipatheni zobudlelwane ezifanayo akufanele ziphindwe kwakhona. Ukuba awuyena uhlobo lokubhala, unokulandela indlela 'yesitulo esingenanto' - beka isitulo phambi kwakho kwaye wenze ngathi umntu owakuvisa ubuhlungu kwixesha elidlulileyo uhleli apho. Uthetha ngokuvakalayo malunga nendlela ubudlelwane obukuchaphazele ngayo. Le mithambo inokuba yi-cathartic, "wongezelela.
9. Ukukhuthaza ubudlelwane obusekelwe kwinkululeko
Ukuba ufuna ukoyisa uloyiko lokubotshwa, kuya kufuneka utshintshe indlela ojonga ngayo kunye nendlela ojongana ngayo nobudlelwane. Esikhundleni sokujonga njengento eya kunqumla amaphiko akho, yamkele njengentsebenziswano enceda amaqabane omabini. Okubaluleke ngakumbi, zifumane umntu owabelana ngamaza akho malunga nesidingo indawo yomntu kunye nenkululeko ndikubudlelwane. Oku kuya kukunika okona kulungileyo kuzo zombini ihlabathi - imvakalelo yokuzaliseka kunye nokuzimela.
UGopa uthi: “Elinye icebo lokuphelisa ukungakwazi kwakho ukuzibophelela kukubhala phantsi uhlobo lolwalamano olufunayo.” Iimpawu ozifunayo kunye neempawu ezibonakala zibomvu ukuze uphephe ubuhlobo obungalawulekiyo.
10. Thatha izinto inyathelo elinye ngexesha
Ukuba iimbono ezifana 'ngonaphakade', 'de sahlulwe kukufa', 'amaqabane obomi' kunye 'oogxa bomphefumlo' zikongamele kwaye zibangele uvalo, khupha la magama kwi-equation yobudlelwane bakho ngokupheleleyo. Ngapha koko, asingazo zonke izibini ezenza izithembiso ezizukileyo zonaphakade kunye eziphumelelayo kuloo mzamo. Endaweni yoko, thatha inyathelo elinye ngexesha ukuya kubudlelwane bakho. Gxininisa kwinyani yangoku kunekamva elikude.
Ingcebiso kaGopa kukunqanda 'ukutsiba ingxowa' xa udibene nomntu onokuba liqabane. “Khumbula ukuba lonke ulwalamano lusekelwe ekuthembekeni nasekuhloneleni.” Ulwalamano oluzalwa ngenxa yobuhlobo lunesiseko esomeleleyo, ngoko zinike ixesha lokwakha ubuhlobo obuphilileyo.Oku kuya kukunceda ukuba wenze isigqibo ekuhambeni kwexesha, enoba uyafuna ‘ukuzihlanganisa’ nalo mhlobo ubomi bakho bonke,” uyongezelela.
Ukufumana ngaphezulu kwemiba yokuzibophelela kuba lula xa uneqabane eliqondayo ukuba uvela phi, linokuqonda izinto ezikubangelayo kwaye lizimisele ukuyisa phambili ngesantya okhululekile ngaso. Kodwa ukuze kwenzeke nayiphi na loo nto, kufuneka uzimisele ukubavulela isifuba kwaye wabelane nabo ngoloyiko lwakho kunye nobuthathaka bakho.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Exclusive Dating: Akuqinisekanga malunga nobudlelwane ozinikeleyo
11. Gcina ulindelo lwakho lusengqiqweni
Xa ubuyela kwindawo yokuthandana, gcina eyakho izinto ezilindelekileyo hayi nje malunga neqabane onokuthi libekho ebomini kodwa nangokwemigaqo yemigangatho oyibeke kubudlelwane bakho. Ukuba ubeka ibha phezulu kakhulu, uya kudibana kuphela nokuphoxeka kunye nolindelo olude. Oku kuya kwandisa iimvakalelo zakho zokuxhalaba, ukuphakuzela kunye noloyiko.
Khumbula ukuba akukho mntu ufezekileyo. Nabani na omkhethayo uya kuba nesabelo sakhe seentsilelo kunye neziphene. Ngena ngengqondo evulekileyo kunye nokuzimisela ukwamkela iqabane elinokubakho ukuba lingubani kunokuba uzame ukulifaka kuyilo lwengcamango yakho yeqabane elifanelekileyo. Ngethuba nje iinjongo zakho zobomi kunye neenqobo ezisemgangathweni zilungelelanisa, zimisele ukwenza uhlengahlengiso oluncinci kunye nohlengahlengiso endleleni.
12. Nyaniseka malunga nemiba yokuzinikela kwakho
Xa ufumana umntu onokuzibona usabelana naye ngobomi bakho, nyaniseka kwaye ngaphambili malunga noloyiko kunye noloyiko. Ukuthandana nomntu onemiba yokuzinikela akukho lula kwaye omnye umntu unelungelo lokwazi ukuba ubhalisela ntoni. UGopa uthi kubalulekile ukuqonda imiba yokuzinikela enentsingiselo epheleleyo ukuze ukwazi ukuyoyisa.
“Ukungacacelwa ngokuzibophelela kulwalamano kufana ‘nokukopela.’ Kunika ithemba lobuxoki kwiqabane yaye kukuzingca ngokupheleleyo. Ukuba ‘uhleli ecingweni’ ngolwalamano, ngoko thetha ngokuphandle ngalo mbandela komnye umntu kunokuba ubambelele kumathemba obuxoki,” uqukumbela ngelitshoyo.
Xa uziva ukulungele, qiniseka ukuba uyabaqinisekisa ukuba uwenzile umsebenzi wokoyisa uloyiko lwakho lokuzibophelela kwaye wenze inkqubela yokwenene. Ukuba bazimisele ukubamba isandla sakho kulo lonke olu hambo, ungajika ngenene igqabi elitsha. Siyathemba ukuba ezi ngcebiso ziluncedo malunga nendlela yokuphelisa imiba yokuzibophelela ziya kukunceda wenze inkqubela yokwenene.
FAQs
Imiba yokuzibophelela isoloko isisiphumo samava akho obuqu okanye ocingelwayo. Mhlawumbi, ubanjwe kubudlelwane obungenampilo okanye wabona isibini esiyityhefu iipateni kubazali bakho okanye komnye umntu kusapho. Ngenxa yoko, usenokuba uqale ngokungaziqondi ukulinganisa ubudlelwane kunye neentlungu kunokonwaba kunye nokwaneliseka. Esi sesona sizathu sixhaphakileyo sokuzinikela kwi-phobia.
Ewe, ukuzibophelela-phobe kunokuwela eluthandweni. Kodwa nangona kunjalo, abanakukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwane obunempilo ngaphandle kokuba benze umsebenzi oyimfuneko ukuze boyise ukungakwazi kwabo ukuzibophelela.
Ukuze ukwazi ukujongana nemiba yokuzinikela kwakho, kufuneka uqonde imiba yokuzinikela enentsingiselo kunye nonobangela obangela uloyiko lwakho lokuzibophelela. Inyathelo elilandelayo elibalulekileyo kukwahlukana nomjikelo wobudlelwane obuyityhefu okanye obungenasiphelo. Thatha ixesha lokuphumla ukulungisa iingxaki zakho ngaphambi kokuba uzibeke apho kwakhona.
Ibali lezovumo: Siluqeqeshe uthando kwaye ekugqibeleni sayifumana le nto besiyifuna
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
