Kwezinye iimeko, izibini zinokucinezela ixesha elichanekileyo xa besazi ukuba umtshato wabo uphelile. Oku kunokwenzeka ukuba kwenzeke xa izinto ezifana nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi, ukungathembeki, kunye nobundlobongela basekhaya-ezona zizathu zintathu ziphezulu zoqhawulo-mtshato, ngokutsho isifundo - bayadlala. Kodwa asiyiyo yonke imitshato eqhawuka njengeqhina, eminye iyolule okwentambo de ifikelele kwinqanaba lokuqhawuka. Le miqondiso ili-15 yomtshato wakho iya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato ikhanyisela imeko apho ukwahlukana kukhula kancinci.
15 Iimpawu Ezifihlakeleyo Kodwa Ezomeleleyo Umtshato Wakho Uya Kuphelela Kuqhawulo-mtshato
Isiqulatho
Kuthatha umzamo omkhulu ongaguqukiyo wenze umtshato usebenze. Yicinge njengento efana nokukhulisa igadi kwiyadi yakho yangasemva. Kufuneka uhlakulele umhlaba, uthene amagqabi, ukhuphe ukhula rhoqo ukuze iintyatyambo zivele. Umtshato wakho awahlukanga.
Umzuzwana xa uye wayekelela okanye uqala ukuthatha izinto ngokulula, iintanda ziqala ukubamba. Ukuba azihoywa, ezi ntandabuzo zinokuwuchitha umtshato wakho. Ukuphulukana nobudlelwane bexesha elide ngenxa yokuba uzityeshele ezinye zeempawu eziphezulu ezingonwabanga zomtshato zinokujika zibe ngomnye wamava abuhlungu kakhulu ebomini bakho.
Yintoni abantu abaninzi abasilelayo ukuyiqonda kukuba iimpawu zomtshato wakho ziphelile zihlala zivela kwakudala ngaphambi kokuba igama lika-D lidlule engqondweni yakho. Ukuba uziva ungaphumli okanye ukude okanye unganelisekanga, kunokunceda ukuqala ukukhangela ezi mpawu zili-15 umtshato wakho uya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato:
1. Ukungabi naluthando
Ngoku ka uphando kwiYunivesithi yaseTexas, ifumanisa ukuba “ukuphoxeka—njengoko kubonakaliswa ekuphelelweni kothando, ukuncipha kothando olugqithiseleyo, ukuncipha kwenkolelo yokuba iqabane likabani liyasabela, nokwanda kokungavisisani—kwahlula izibini ezisingise kuqhawulo-mtshato kwabo baseka iqhina lomtshato elizinzileyo”.
Nangona kuqhelekile ukubonakalisa uthando ukunciphisa ixesha elide, luphawu lwenkathazo emtshatweni ukuba kukho ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo kweempawu zothando ezifana nalezi:
- Ukuwola
- Kisses
- Ukubamba izandla
- Ukukhwela
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba Ufanele Uqhawule Umtshato? – Thatha Olu Luhlu loQhawulo-mtshato
2. Ukuba nengxaki yokukrokra
Linini ixesha lokuqhawula umtshato? Xa elinye iqabane lijonga yonke into eyenziwa ngomnye ngeliso lokurhanela. Masithi ucwangcisela iqabane lakho into eyothusayo, baze bathi, “Wenze ntoni ngoku?” Okanye iqabane lakho licela ukuhlamba izitya emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa, yaye endaweni yokuba ulixabise ngokucinga kwalo, uthi, “Ungacingi ukuba unokundiqhatha ukuze ndibe neentlobano zesini ngokwenza oku.”
Ukukrokrelana okunjalo kubonisa undoqo imiba yokuthembela emtshatweni. Oku kusabela kusenokubangelwa ngamava athile exesha elidlulileyo. Sekunjalo, yalatha kwisiseko esibuthathaka, esifanelekela njengenye yeempawu ezilumkisayo zoqhawulo-mtshato okanye mhlawumbi kwanokuba umtshato sele uphelile.
3. Ulindelo olungalungelelaniswanga
Ukwakha umtshato ophilileyo, amaqabane kufuneka alungelelanise ulindelo lwawo. Abantu abatshatileyo kufuneka babe kwiphepha elifanayo ngezinto ezifana nezi:
- Ukubaluleka kwendawo yobuqu kunye nexesha uwedwa
- Kufuneka ube nini abantwana/bangaphi abantwana omawube nabo
- Indlela yokuhamba kwibhalansi yobomi bomsebenzi
- Indlela yokulawula imali
- Iimfuno zeemvakalelo
- Iimfuno zesondo
Xa okulindelweyo malunga nale miba iphambili ayilungelelanisi okanye kukho ulindelo olungekho ngqiqweni ekudlaleni, iimpawu zokuqhawuka komtshato zinokuqalisa ukukhulisa intloko embi.
4. Ukwenza iziqhulo ngeendleko zomnye
Kulungile ukuba utsale umlenze weqabane lakho okanye wenze ihlaya malunga nezinto abazenzayo okanye imikhwa kanye ngexesha elithile. Kodwa ukuba kuba ngumkhwa wokuba elinye iqabane lisoloko liqhula ngeendleko zelinye, oko kusenokuthetha intshabalalo kuqhina lomtshato wenu ekuhambeni kwexesha yaye kunokude kubonise ukuba isiphelo somtshato sisondele.
Ngalo lonke ixesha iqabane lakho likwenza lula iziphene okanye iimpazamo zakho, oko kuya kubangela ukuba ucaphuke kancinci. Usenokude ubhenele ekwenzeni okufanayo ukubanika incasa yeyeza labo. Yenza lo mdaniso ixesha elide ngokwaneleyo kwaye a i-passive-aggressive dynamic ubambe ubudlelwane. Le ngqumbo kunye nokuba ndlongondlongo kunokusongela ikamva lomtshato wakho.
5. Umsantsa wonxibelelwano owandayo
Ukuba uyazibuza, “Ndazi njani ukuba umtshato wam uphelile?”, nikela ingqalelo kwindlela onxibelelana ngayo neqabane lakho. Unxibelelwano olubi ngokungathandabuzekiyo sesinye sezizathu eziphambili zoqhawulo-mtshato. Xa nihlala kunye, usuku nosuku, iminyaka ekupheleni, ukwenza umzamo kunye nexesha lokuququzelela unxibelelwano olunempilo ingathatha isitulo esingasemva. Yiloo nto ebangela ukuba izibini zahlukane. Ngaphambi kokuba uyazi uziva ungaphandle ngokupheleleyo kwimiba ebalulekileyo efana nale:
- Iinjongo zobomi kunye neminqweno
- Iimvakalelo, uloyiko, ubuthathaka
- Impumelelo kunye nokusilela
- Imeko yeemvakalelo zomnye
6. Niyeka ukuhlolana
Nje ukuba uyeke ukwenza umzamo wokukhangela amacala amatsha kwindawo nganye, uthando luqala ukufa. Omnye wabafundi bethu wabhala, ecela uncedo, esithi: “Umyeni wam akakhathali nokuba ndifike ekhaya emva kwexesha okanye ndihambe kwangethuba, enoba andityi ukutya okanye ndisitya ngokuzolileyo, ngokuzolileyo uthi chuu ukuya kulala esofeni okanye ndihlale ndizonwabisa ngeNetflix ubusuku bonke.
Ukungabi namdla kuwe nakubomi bakho kusenokuba sisiqalo sokuphela komtshato. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba lonke ithemba lilahlekile. Ungazama kwaye ujikeleze le miqondiso njengezinto ekufuneka usebenze kuzo. Ithuba lokwazi iqabane lakho ngcono. Hamba uye kubo kwaye uhlekise malunga ne-cranberry muffin ongazange ubabone beyibamba ngaphambili kwaye ubuze, "Uxolo, ngaba umbonile umlingane wam kwenye indawo?"
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ungamxelela njani uMyeni wakho ukuba ufuna uqhawulo mtshato?
7. Ukungathembeki kwezemali luphawu lwengxaki emtshatweni wakho
Ndiyazi njani ukuba umtshato wam uphelile, uyazibuza? Ewe, enye yeempawu ezingaphantsi komtshato wakho, nokuba awukawatyikityi amaphepha oqhawulo-mtshato, ukungathembeki kwezemali. Ukuba kukho ukuxhatshazwa ngokwezemali okanye ukunganyaniseki kubudlelwane bakho, okanye wena kunye neqabane lakho ninengxaki yokuthetha ngemali ngaphandle kokuba ijike ibe ngumlo omkhulu, yithathele ingqalelo enye yeempawu ezili-15 zokuphela komtshato wakho kuqhawulo-mtshato. Cinga malunga nokuba uyayazi kangakanani imikhwa yemali yeqabane lakho okanye ubudlelwane babo nemali:
- Ingena phi imali yabo?
- Uvela phi umvuzo?
- Ngaba iqabane lakho likuthembile/ likuhloniphile ngokwaneleyo ukuze libelane ngolwazi lwezemali?
Ukunganyaniseki ngemali - nokuba kukusebenzisa imali ngokufihlakeleyo okanye ukwakhiwa kwezinto ngaphandle kolwazi lomnye nomnye - kunokukhokelela kwimiba enzulu yokuthembana emtshatweni wakho. Ukungabikho kokuthembana, kudibaniswa nemeko yemali eguquguqukayo, yenza i-cocktail yentlekele yomtshato.
8. Niyonwabela ixesha lenu kunye
Yinto enye ukuthatha ezinye ixesha lomntu ngamaxesha athile ukuze nihlaziyeke/ niphumle kodwa ukuba nobabini nikhangela izizathu zokuphepha omnye komnye, nilungile ukuba nizibuze, “Ngaba umtshato wam uphelile?” Indawo yobuqu inokuba yenye yeempawu eziphezulu ezingonwabanga emtshatweni ukuba:
- Wena neqabane lakho niqala ukunandipha ukuchitha ixesha kunye ngaphezu kokuba kunye
- Wena kunye/okanye iqabane lakho ningathanda ukwenza enye into ngaphandle kokuba kunye
- Nithi cwaka omnye komnye
- Ixesha lenu kunye lizaliswe kukuthula okungakhululekanga
- Uziva ungakhululekanga/ukwicala elinye kwinkampani yomnye
9 Nithetha omnye komnye
Linini ixesha lokuqhawula umtshato? Xa kungekho ntlonipho kwizimvo zomnye. Uphawu oluchuliweyo kukuba wena neqabane lakho nihlukane phakathi kwesivakalisi okanye nithethe omnye komnye, ngakumbi xa nixambulisana okanye nisilwa. Nangona icacile uphawu olungonwabi emtshatweni, ikwayenye abantu abaninzi abangayihoyiyo.
10. Ukungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo
Kungokwemvelo ukuziva ulilolo emtshatweni ngaphandle kokusondelelana. Ngokutsho kwe ENew York Times, I-15% yemitshato e-US ayinabudlelwane ngokwesondo. Ngokwayo, ukungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo kungabi yiflegi ebomvu, ngakumbi kwizibini ezikhulileyo. Kodwa xa uphenjelelwa zezinye izinto ezisisiseko, isenokuba yenye yeempawu ezili-15 zokuphela komtshato wakho kuqhawulo-mtshato. Oku kwenzeka ukuba
- Wena neqabane lakho niyekile ukuthandana ngenxa yembali ukuqhatha emtshatweni
- Omnye wabatshati ucinga ukushiya umtshato komnye umntu
- Elinye iqabane liqala ukubamba isini njengendlela yokohlwaya okanye ukuziphindezela
11 Niyangcikivana;
Masithi wena neqabane lakho nikwindawo embi, ekhokelela kwiingxabano ezininzi, imilo, nokungavisisani. Ukuba elinye okanye omabini amaqabane aqala ukuhlambalaza omnye phambi komnye - nokuba ngabantwana bakho, usapho, okanye abahlobo - yeyona nto ibonakalayo kwiimpawu ezili-15 umtshato wakho uya kuqhawula umtshato.
Iingxaki zakho zibe nkulu kakhulu ukuba ungakwazi ukuzibamba. Nje ukuba uqalise ukusasaza ilinen yakho emdaka esidlangalaleni, lincinci ithemba eliseleyo. Ukuba umbuzo wakho uthi, "Ngaba umtshato wam uphelile?", impendulo ngu "ewe" ukuba nihlala ningahloniphi nokuba ngubani obukeleyo.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezili-13 omawuzenze xa umyeni wakho engakuhoyi
12. Ukuphumelela iingxoxo kubaluleke kakhulu kunokusombulula impixano
Nangona kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuba negama lokugqibela kwingxabano, umnqweno wokuphumelela iingxabano nakwiindleko zobudlelwane bakho luphawu oluxhalabisayo. Umnqweno wakho onyanzelisayo wokuphumelela unokubangela ukuba umlo uqhube iintsuku, iiveki, okanye iinyanga. Inokukhokelela kwi inzondo ekhulayo emtshatweni wakho, enentsingiselo kuphela:
- Ukhathalele ngakumbi ukuphumelela kunokusombulula impixano
- Akusekho sithuba sokuyekelela kunye nohlengahlengiso
- Iqabane lakho alilijongi njengeqabane kodwa ulijonga njengotshaba
- Awuboni ngasonye nabo kwimiba emininzi
13. Awuzixabisi izinto ezincinci
Ayizizo zijekulo ezikhulu okanye izigaba ezibalulekileyo zobudlelwane ezenza ubudlelwane buhle. Zizinto ezincinci enikwenzelana zona, imini nemini, ezibalayo. Izibini ngaphakathi imitshato ephumelelayo thatha ixesha lokungcamla kwaye uxabise izijekulo ezincinci ezifana nezi:
- Ukwenzela iqabane lakho isidlo sakusasa
- Iqabane lakho likuphathele ikofu ebhedini
- Ukukhetha izimuncumuncu xa ubuyela ekhaya
Ukuphela komtshato kubonakala kukungabi naluxabiso nombulelo. Ukuba akukho nto uyenzayo ilungile ngokwaneleyo kumlingane wakho-okanye ngokuphambeneyo-luphawu lokuba anisayi kuxabisa okanye anixabisi omnye nomnye. Ukungabi naluxabiso nokungabi nambulelo kuphakathi kweempawu ezili-15 zokuqhawula umtshato wakho.
14. Ukungathethi ngekamva kuthetha ukuphela komtshato
Ngaba umtshato wam uphelile, uyazibuza? Impendulo isenokufihlwa kwindlela olijonga ngayo ikamva. Unokuxelela ukuba usekupheleni kohambo lwakho lomtshato ukuba uyayeka ukucwangcisa ikamva kunye. Ingcamango yonke emva kokutshata nomntu kukwakha ubomi kunye naye. Ngaloo ndlela, iincoko malunga nokuba ubomi bakho buya kuba njani kwiminyaka emihlanu phantsi komgca okanye apho unokuhlala khona emva kokuthatha umhlalaphantsi yinto eqhelekileyo umtshato osempilweni. Amathuba kukuba, ukuba ufikelele kwinqanaba apho ungathanda ukungaxoxi ngekamva neqabane lakho, kwinqanaba elingaphantsi kwengqondo, unokuziva iimpawu zoqhawulo mtshato sele usondele.
15. Uyawuncama umtshato wakho
Ukuphela komtshato akubikho ngesiquphe. Ingxaki eparadesi iqala xa uyeka ukwenza imizamo yoku:
- Nxibelelana kwaye udibanise
- Fikelele
- Yenzani ixesha kunye
- Bonisa uthando
- Chitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye
Ibonisa ukuba unayo kujongwe ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ungakhathali nokuba kwenzeka ntoni emtshatweni wakho. Uyakwazi ukwenza umfanekiso wobomi ngaphandle kweqabane lakho, kwaye ukuqhubela phambili akubonakali kunzima. Lo ngomnye wemiqondiso ecacileyo umtshato wakho uphelile (ubuncinci engqondweni yakho).
Yintoni Omawuyenze Xa Ubona Iimpawu Ezilumkiso Zoqhawulo-mtshato
Yintoni omele uyenze xa ufumanisa ukuba umtshato wakho awukho ndawo ilungileyo? Ukuba ubona uninzi lweempawu ezili-15 umtshato wakho uya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato, ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba akukho themba liseleyo? Kule nto, isazi sengqondo UGqr. Aman Bhonsle Uthi: “Nangona kusenokuphazamisa ukubona iimpawu ezibalaseleyo zomtshato ongonwabisiyo kulwalamano lwakho neqabane lakho, oko akuthethi ukuba sisiphelo sendlela yenu.
Xa uzifumana ukwindlela enzima emtshatweni wakho, kukho izinto ezintathu onokukhetha kuzo. Kukuwe ukuba wenze isigqibo sokuba yeyiphi ekusebenzela ngcono:
1. Ungazama ukuyenza isebenze
Ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuzonwabisa ngeengcinga malunga nendlela yokuphelisa umtshato ngoxolo, qiniseka ukuba wenze konke onako ukusindisa iqhina lakho. Ngaphandle kokuba kukho iiflegi ezibomvu eziqaqambileyo ezifana nobundlobongela ngokwasemzimbeni, ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo, okanye ukuphathwa kakubi ngokwezemali, unetyala kuwe nakwiqabane lakho ukuba nizame ukusindisa umtshato wenu.
Nangona kunjalo, xa ukwindawo apho ikamva lomtshato wakho libonakala limfiliba, kunokuba nzima ukuqonda ukuba ungaqala phi ukulungisa unxibelelwano lwakho. UGqr. Bhonsle ucebisa ngelithi abantu abatshatileyo abalufumani ulwalathiso: “Akukho sicombululo singenamlinganiselo, kodwa ukuba akuqinisekanga ukuba umtshato wakho uphelela phi, cinga ngokuwufuna. unyango lwezibini ukwazi apho umi khona nesizathu sokuba ume apho.” Ukuba ucinga ngokufumana uncedo, Iinkonzo zeengcebiso zeBonobology kukucofa nje kude.
2. Khetha ukwahlula ityala
Ukuba akuqinisekanga ngento elandelayo emtshatweni wakho, a ukwahlukana kwetyala inokunceda ukubeka izinto ngendlela efanelekileyo. Kuvavanyo lokwahlukana, wena neqabane lakho nihlala ngokwahlukeneyo kangangexesha elithile ukuze nibone ukuba ukuhlala kude ngenene yeyona ndlela ibhetele. Sebenzisa eli xesha ukwenza,
- Cinga ngento ekhokelele ekuwohlokeni komtshato wakho
- Gxininisa ekuzinyamekeleni
- Ukuzazisa kwicala lakho kwimiba yomtshato
- Cinga ngento enamanyanisa wena neqabane lakho kwasekuqaleni nokuba ezo zinto zisabalulekile na kuwe
- Zibuze ukuba uyafuna na ukuwusindisa umtshato wakho
Ukubona indlela ubomi obunokubonakala ngayo ngaphandle kweqabane lakho kunokukunceda wenze izigqibo ezizizo. Ukuba ukuba kude neqabane lakho uze uzihlalele kuzisa isiqabu, kusenokuba lixesha lokumisela inkqubo yoqhawulo-mtshato. Ukuba, kwelinye icala, kukwenza ube lusizi ngakumbi ukuba ubuhlala neqabane lakho, luphawu olucacileyo lokuba kukho into ekufanele ukuyisindisa kulwalamano lwakho.
3. Funa uqhawulo-mtshato
Ukuba nobabini nizamile ukusebenza kwimiba yenu ngokufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha kwaye nikhethe ukwahlulwa kwelingo kodwa akukho nto ibonakala ngathi isebenzile, kusenokuba lixesha lokuba wenze isigqibo esinzima sokuhamba. Ewe, ukuqhawula umtshato akuyondlwan’ iyanetha yaye indlela engaphambili iya kuzaliswa ziintlungu, intlungu, ukungcungcutheka, nemingeni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba uzibuza kangakanani na ngendlela yokuqhawula umtshato ngoxolo, kuya kuba nzima.
Ngamanye amaxesha, kufuneka wenze ukhetho olunzima, uqhubele phambili kwinto obucinga ukuba iya kuba ngokonwaba kwakho, ukuze ukwazi ukufumana uxolo nolonwabo kwakhona. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Alukho uqhawulo-mtshato oluvuyisayo. Kodwa nalu uluhlu lwezinto onokuthi ngokuqinisekileyo UPHEPHE ukuzenza:
- Ukusebenzisa abantwana bakho njengabancedisi/abalamli
- Ukufihla izinto onazo kwiqabane lakho ukuze ufumane inzuzo engafanelekanga
- Ugrogrisa iqabane lakho
- Ukutsiba intloko kuqala kubudlelwane obutsha
- Ukwala iqabane lakho ixesha kunye nabantwana bakho
Iimpawu eziphambili
- Ukuxhatshazwa, ukukhotyokiswa, ukungathembeki zezona mpawu zicacileyo zokuba umtshato wakho usengxakini kwaye ufuna uncedo lokukhusela izilangazelelo zakho.
- Ezinye izikhombisi zomtshato oqhawukayo ziquka ukungenzi omnye nomnye azive engokhethekileyo, ukungabi nasondo kunye nokungabi nabudlelwane obusondeleyo, inzondo.
- Imfuneko engxamisekileyo yokuphumelela iingxabano nokungahloneli kuphakathi kweempawu ezingonwabanga emtshatweni
- Ukuba unokuzalana nemiqondiso emininzi oza kuqhawuka ngayo umtshato wakho, unokhetho oluthathu: zama ukulenza lisebenze, khetha ukwahlukana kwetyala, okanye uqhawule umtshato.
Iimpawu zokuphela komtshato wakho zinokukushiya uziva ungonwabanga. Enoba uzama ukuvuselela ulonwabo lomtshato okanye uthabathe umbhalo oseludongeni njengomqondiso wokuba kufuneka uqhubele phambili kuxhomekeke kuwe nakwiqabane lakho. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, musa ukuvumela le miqondiso ili-15 ukuba umtshato wakho uphele ngoqhawulo-mtshato ikwenze ube nemvakalelo yokurhoxa. Nokuba nikunye okanye nihlukene, ningadlula kweli nqanaba lingonwabanga lobomi kwaye niphinde nifumane uxolo nolonwabo.
FAQs
E-US, malunga 40 kwi50% imitshato iphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato. Ukuqaphela iimpawu ezilumkiso kwangethuba zobudlelwane obungenampilo kunokunceda ukunciphisa eli nani ukuba uyazi ukuba ujonge ntoni. Iimpawu ezicacileyo zidla ngokuquka ukuswela intlonipho, ukungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni, nonxibelelwano olubi.
Ukungahambelani sesona sizathu siphambili soqhawulo-mtshato, kulandelwa kukungathembeki kunye nemiba yemali. Umhlobo wam wathi kum, “Ngemini iqabane lam lalala ngalo nomnye umntu, ndandisazi ukuba kuphelile phakathi kwethu, ukunyaniseka sisiseko somtshato owonwabileyo.”
Kunokuba ubek’ ityala umyeni wakho ngomtshato wakho oqhawukayo, nikela ingqalelo kwindlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Sebenzisa inkcazo ethi "Ndi". Umzekelo, “Andiqondi ukuba ndixhotyiswe ngokwasemoyeni ukuba ndingachitha ubomi bam nomntu omnye” okanye “Lo mtshato awundisebenzeli”.
Iimpawu ezili-12 zesilumkiso iqabane lakho lilahlekelwa ngumdla kubudlelwane
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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
