Ingcebiso yeNgcali-Niyibiza nini ukuba iyayeka kuMtshato

Njengomntu otshatileyo, kuya kubakho iintsuku apho ubomi bakho bufana nezulu. Kuya kubakho iintsuku ezimbi kakhulu unokuhendeka ukuba uphume kubudlelwane. Nangona ngokophando olwenziwe ngo-2020, amazinga oqhawulo-mtshato ehlile kwiminyaka yakutshanje, kodwa i-40% yayo yonke imitshato iphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato. Ukuqwalasela amathuba okuba umtshato usebenze unamathuba afanayo okuphoswa kwengqekembe, umntu ufumanisa njani xa ulwalamano lufanelekile ukuba lugcinwe kwaye nini ukubiza umtshato?

Imitshato inokujika ibe yinto yamaphupha amabi ngamanye amaxesha. Ngelishwa, uye ulungele ukuzama ukuyenza ukuba isebenze kangangokuba awuyihoyi imiqondiso ye-neon umtshato wakho uphelile. Umcebisi Shazia Saleem, ojongene noqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokwahlukana, usinceda siqonde ezi flegi zibomvu.

Kunini Ofanele Ucinge Ngokuncama Ngomtshato?

Wonke umntu ufuna umtshato wabo uhlale ngonaphakade. Ngenxa yoko, xa umntu ejongene nayiphi na ingxaki kubudlelwane babo, ukusabela kwabo ngamadolo kukusebenza kuyo. Ngelishwa, ngamanye amaxesha sisebenza ngaphaya kwezigaba zomtshato ofayo, singashiyi ilitye elingaguqukiyo kwaye singakwazi ukuyamkela into yokuba umtshato ungcwatywe kudala.

Shazia uyachaza: “Akakho umntu ofezekileyo.” Yaye xa abantu ababini abangafezekanga betshata, kucacile ukuba nabo umtshato awusayi kugqibelela.Kuya kubakho iindawo ezininzi ekuya kufuneka ulalanise kuzo.” Noko ke, ukuba umtshato wakho uyakwenzakalisa ukusa kumkhamo wokuba akukwazi ukusebenza ngokuqhelekileyo yaye impilo-ntle yakho yengqondo, yomzimba, okanye yeemvakalelo iyonakaliswa. ubudlelwane bube yityhefu, yaye ngoku lixesha lokuyeka umtshato.”

Xa Uyibiza Ngokuyeka Emtshatweni-Ingcaphephe ityhila iiMpawu ezisi-7

Wonke umtshato wahlukile njengabantu ababandakanyekileyo kuwo. Abaqhawuli bomtshato baxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kwinkcazo yesibini yemida esempilweni nengeyompilo. Nangona kunjalo, ezinye izinto zibhekwa njengeeflegi ezibomvu kubudlelwane. Ukuba ujongene nale miqathango, ke ezi ziimpawu umtshato wakho uya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato.

Ukufumana ulwazi oluninzi oluxhaswa yingcaphephe, nceda ubhalise kwitshaneli yethu yeYouTube. Cofa apha.

1. Kukho ukuxhatshazwa kubudlelwane

UMira, oneminyaka engama-33 ubudala ofunda ePhoenix, wayecinga ukuba isithandwa sakhe uMarko sinomsindo omfutshane kodwa unomdla-kwakukude kube ziinyanga ezi-5 emtshatweni. Kulapho kwaqala khona ukuxhatshazwa. “Kwaba ngathi utshintshile kanye phambi kwamehlo am.” Ngeny’ imini wayenothando olungathethekiyo waza ngomzuzu olandelayo waguquka eli rhamncwa linomsindo.

“Nakuphi na ukukhankanya ngokuzama ukulungisa eyakhe imiba yomsindo yayiza kumthukuthelisa ngumsindo. Bendibambekile. I told my friends: umtshato wam uphelile andaz noba ndenzeni okanye ndiphume njani kulemeko. Bandincedisa bandikhupha. Zizo ezibangela ukuba ndikhululeke kobo budlelwane.”

Ukushiya ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo kunzima. Iqabane elixhaphazayo lidla ngokukwahlula kwabanye. Bakwayirhoxisa inkxaso yemali kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha ukhankanya ukushiya ubudlelwane, uxhatshazo luya lusiba mbi. Ngokophononongo, ubundlobongela basekhaya bubalelwa kwi-21% yazo zonke izenzo zolwaphulo-mthetho. Kwaye kwi-76% yala matyala, abafazi babengamaxhoba. Ke ngoko xa ubudlelwane buba buxhatshazo, kulapho isibini kufuneka siluyeke. Kuyisisa kuwe ukuba ufune ukuxhasa iqabane lakho elixhaphazayo kwindlela yokubuyisela, kodwa akufanele uthathe indawo yengxowa yabo yokubhoboza kwinkqubo.

uxhatshazo ayamkelekanga, ayinamsebenzi kwisidanga okanye inani lamaxesha eyenzeke ngayo. Nokuba kube kanye kunokuba kubi ngokwaneleyo. Ukuba unomhlobo ozibuzayo ukuba ungayibiza nini i-quits emtshatweni oxhaphazayo, baxelele ukuba ixesha ngoku.

UMthetho woThintelo lobuNdlobongela kuSapho kunye neeNkonzo (i-FVPSA) unomnxeba woncedo weeyure ezingama-24 ofumaneka kuphela kumaxhoba oxhatshazo lwasekhaya okanye uxhatshazo losapho. Le hotline inokufumaneka ngenombolo yesizwe yasimahla engahlawulelwayo 1-800-799-7233 okanye 1-800-787-3224 okanye (206) 518-9361. Kwimeko yonxunguphalo olungxamisekileyo, fowunela u-9-1-1.

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2. Ufuna izinto ezahlukeneyo ebomini

Akukho bantu babini abafana ngokupheleleyo kwaye yile yantlukwano eyenza umtshato ube nomdla. Noko ke, ukungafani okuninzi phakathi kwesibini kunokwenza izinto zibe nzima. Usenokungafuni ukuba nabantwana, kodwa uneqabane elikwenzayo. Kwimeko enjalo, akufanelekanga ukulindela ukuba iqabane lakho lincame iminqweno yalo kuba nje ligcina umtshato womelele.

Abantu bayaguquka ngokuhamba kwexesha. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ungaphela uvela kwicala elahluke ngokupheleleyo kweleqabane lakho. Ngelishwa yinto engenakulawulwa. “Iimfuno zomzimba/zeemvakalelo/zengqondo, iinkqubo zexabiso, imisebenzi, iimeko zexesha elizayo – usenokuqalisa ukutenxa kuyo nayiphi na okanye kuninzi kwezi nkalo.Enye yezinto omele uzikhumbule phambi kokuba unikezele emtshatweni kukuchonga ukuba ngaba le yantlukwano iyalungiseka na, ukuba akunjalo, kungcono ukuphelisa izinto,” ucacise watsho uShazia. Ngamanye amaxesha uthando alwanelanga.

3. Nantsi ixesha lokuyibiza ikhefu emtshatweni: xa ubudlelwane buba bubi

Ayiyomfihlo into yokuba imitshato idla ngokuba yinto emnandi emva kwethuba. Kwaye into entsha ihambile, umonde uyaphela kwaye ingqondo ubuyiqhelanisa nobabini iyanyamalala ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ingqumbo kunye nengqumbo iyafumba kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, yakho ubudlelwane buye babi.

Ukungaqinisekisi iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho okanye amava akho, ukubeka imiba yakho kubo, ukulayita igesi, kunye nokudlala umdlalo wokugxeka zonke ziimpawu zobudlelwane obungenampilo. Ukuhlala kumandla anjalo kuyabakhathaza bonke ababandakanyekayo, kuquka nabantwana. Xa ubona ezi iipateni eziyityhefu rhoqo ekhoyo emtshatweni wakho kangangokuba iphuphuma kuzo zonke ezinye ubudlelwane bakho, kulapho ukuba ukuyibiza quits emtshatweni.

4. Ukungafuni ukutshintsha okanye ukufuna uncedo

Kunini apho abantu abatshatileyo bafanele bawuyeke nini umtshato? Umfundi oneminyaka engama-39 ubudala uPatricia waseSan Jose ubalisa ibali lakhe, “Andisakwazi ukuzihoya iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba kukho into engalunganga emtshatweni wam.

“Nokuba ndingazama kangakanani na, andikwazi kumenza abone ukuba umtshato wethu uyasokola, xa ndithetha naye ngeengxaki esijamelene nazo uye abe ndlongondlongo okanye angandihoyi.” Nayiphi na incoko ephathelele ukudibana nomcebisi okanye ukufuna uncedo iyavalwa ngokukhawuleza. Ngelishwa, baninzi kakhulu abantu abayaziyo into yokuba kunjani ukuba sezihlangu zikaPatricia. Ngokophononongo, i-56% yoqhawulo-mtshato yayineqabane elinye elinomdla ogqithiseleyo kwi-porn. Ukuba uzifumana ukwindawo efanayo ebomini bakho, lixesha lokuyibiza loo nto emtshatweni.

5. Izizathu zakho zokuba uhlale emtshatweni ziyagungqa

Enye yezona zinto zicacileyo, kwaye zihlala zingahoywa, iimpawu umtshato wakho uya kuphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato kuxa uzibuza lo mbuzo rhoqo: Kutheni ndikulo mtshato? Ukuba impendulo yakho kuyo kungenxa yabantwana, okanye ibutho labantu, okanye awufuni ukuba wedwa, loo nto ibonisa ukuba ukwizigaba zokugqibela zomtshato kwaye lixesha lokwamkela umtshato wakho uphelile.

UShazia uthi: “Abantu abaninzi bawugqala umtshato njengelungiselelo elingcwele yaye ngokwenene uliqhina elikhethekileyo nelihle. Kodwa umtshato ongeyompilo unokuba yingozi ngakumbi kunokuba abantu abaninzi becinga. Abantu abaninzi banamathele kwimitshato eneengxaki ngenxa yengcinezelo yasekuhlaleni okanye yemali, okanye bavakalelwa kukuba umtshato oqhawukileyo uya kwenza ubomi bomntwana wabo bube nzima.

Umtshato liqabane. Ukhetha ukuhlala nalomntu kuba inguye ocinga ukuba uzakuma ecaleni kwakho xa ujongene nobomi. Xa ubudlelwane bakho buyeka ukuba malunga nobo budlelwane kwaye buba sisinyanzelo ngakumbi, kulapho ukubiza khona emtshatweni.

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6. Iqabane lakho liyaqhubeka likrexeza

Ukunyaniseka kunokuthetha izinto ezahlukeneyo kubantu abahlukeneyo. Kwabanye abantu, konke kulungile okoko nje ungabelani ngesondo nomnye umntu, ngelixa kwabanye ukujonga ngengozi kunokugqalwa njengokukrexeza ngokwaneleyo. Kungcono ukuthetha malunga nokuba kuthetha ukuthini ukunyaniseka kuwe nakwiqabane lakho kwasekuqaleni.

Kodwa inye into eqinisekileyo: ukunyaniseka ngumlinganiselo obalulekileyo wobudlelwane. Kwaye ukuba iqabane lakho ukrexeza ngokuphindaphindiweyo kwanasemva kokuba uthethe nabo ngemida eyamkelekileyo, oko kuluphawu umtshato wakho uphelile. Abanye abantu bayaziqonda iimpazamo zabo kwaye balungise okokuqala. Kunini ukuyibiza emtshatweni? Xa iqabane lakho likuqhatha ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Abazi kutshintsha kwaye kulilize ukucinga ngenye indlela.

7. Akukho ntlonipho emtshatweni

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba enye yezona ntsika zibalulekileyo emtshatweni (nayo ngokufuthi eyona ingahoywanga) yintlonelo. Awukho umtshato onokuma ixesha elide ngaphandle kwawo. Ukanti okukhona utshatile, kokukhona le ntsika ibetha kakhulu. Njengoko iingxabano zisanda yaye iiyantlukwano zisanda, intlonelo eninayo omnye komnye neqabane lakho iyancipha.

Ukuhlala ulibeke phantsi iqabane lakho okanye ulijongela phantsi, nokuba kungasese okanye esidlangalaleni, unciphisa iinkxalabo zabo kunye nemiba, ungabahoyi xa bezama ukuthetha nawe okanye umvalele okanye ubagculele xa besengozini iindlela eziqhelekileyo zokungahloniphi kunye. Ngelixa akusoloko kusenzeka ukuba nikhumbule omnye nomnye, ukuba le yipatheni ethe gqolo ekusebenzisaneni kwakho neqabane lakho, ke eli lixesha lokuyibiza ngomtshato.

Ukuyibiza Ngokuyeka kwaye Ukujongana Nentlungu

Ayinakuphikiswa into yokuba ukuqhawula umtshato kwaye ushiye iqabane lakho yenye yezona zinto zinzima umntu anokuzenza. Ayidali kuphela umngxuma omkhulu epokothweni, iphinda idale enkulu entliziyweni. Ngelixa imali isoloko ibuya, ngumngxunya osentliziyweni oba nzima ukuwuphilisa. UShazia uthi: “Abantu abaninzi bayabhideka xa beva intlungu xa beqhawula umtshato wabo, baye bazibuze, “Ukuba umtshato ubumbi kangaka, kutheni ndiziva ndibuhlungu kangaka?

Wongezelela athi: “Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba sentlungwini yomtshato oqhawukileyo nokuba ubumbi kangakanani na.Uchithe ixesha lakho elininzi, iimvakalelo nemigudu yakho emtshatweni.Kwanokuba bekungokwexeshana elincinane, ubunxibelelene neqabane lakho ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni, nasengqondweni. Ngoko kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba uzive ukhathazekile.

“Enye yezinto ezibalulekileyo omele uzikhumbule phambi kokuba uqhawule umtshato kukuba akuyi kuba lula, eyona nto ibalulekileyo apha kukwamkelwa. Yamkela umtshato wakho uphelile. Ukuba phezu kwayo yonke imigudu yakho, umtshato awuzange yaye awuzange uhlale. Kufuneka uzivumele ithuba lokucubungula iimvakalelo zakho. Yiva intlungu, lungisa intlungu, uthathe ixesha lokuphola, kwaye ekugqibeleni, uqhubele phambili. "

Ukushiya umtshato ombi kusenokubonakala kungenakwenzeka, kodwa kuyingozi ngokufanayo ukuhlala kobo lwalamano luyityhefu. Ayichaphazeli nje kuphela impilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo, ikwachaphazela neyeqabane lakho kunye nosapho lwakho lonke.

Kubalulekile ukuba usebenze emtshatweni wakho kodwa kubalulekile ukwazi xa usilwa idabi elingaphumeleliyo kunye nokuba ungaliyeka nini umtshato. Ukuba awukwazi ukwenza izinto zisebenze nangona usenza konke okusemandleni akho, kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuba umtshato wakho uphelile kwaye uzame ukuqhubeka nolo lwalamano.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.