Wakuba phezu ukukhanyela kunye “Ndiza kuphumelela ex yam emva” isigaba, uyaqonda ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukufumanisa indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo. Ukuba intlungu kunye nentlungu iqala ukuyichaphazela kakubi indlela ophila ngayo, ayiseyiyo into onokuyilibazisa. Into yokuba ulapha mhlawumbi linyathelo lokuqala elilungileyo.
Inkcubeko yePop iya kwenza ukuba ukholelwe ukuba ngaphandle kokudakumba kunye nokukhulisa iindevu zakho ngaphandle okanye ukufumana i-bangs, awuyi kukwazi ukuvuthulula intlungu. Silapha ukukuxelela ukuba xa usondela kuyo ngendlela eyiyo, le ntlungu inokulawuleka ngakumbi, kwaye nayo ngaphandle kokufumana ezo ngxolo ze-impromptu.
Ngoncedo lweengcebiso kwi-psychologist Kavita Panyam (IiMasters kwiPsychology kunye nabamanye amazwe kunye ne-American Psychological Association), oye wanceda izibini ukuba zisebenze kwimiba yobudlelwane babo ngaphezu kweminyaka engamashumi amabini, masiphendule umbuzo, "Indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kwaye uqhubeke?"
Ungayiphilisa Njani Intliziyo Eyaphukileyo? Iingcebiso ezili-15 zeeNgcali zokukunceda ukuba uqhubele phambili
Isiqulatho
Xa uzama ukoyisa intliziyo ebuhlungu kunye nokudakumba, akukho ndawo ibonakala inomtsalane kunegumbi lakho lokulala. Akukho sinxibo sibonakala singcono kune-PJs zakho, kwaye indlela yokuzonwabisa ekhethwayo kukuvumela iNetflix idlale nantoni na ethanda ngayo.
“Gcobani nje!” iingcebiso ozifumana kubahlobo bakho ubilise igazi lakho, kwaye usenokuziva ungafuni ukwabelana ngentlungu yakho nabantu obathandayo abakukhathalele ngokwenene.
Ukwahlukana, ngakumbi emva kobudlelwane obunzulu, buphela ngokuthatha uninzi lweengcinga zethu kunokuba sonke sinomdla wokuvuma. Siyazi ukuba kunzima, kwaye ukufumana indlela yokuphuma ngelixa uhlala unethemba kubonakala kungenakwenzeka. Ukukunceda kuhambo lwakho, nantsi into ekufuneka uyenzile:
1. Vuma ukuba iphelile
Inyathelo lokuqala lokufunda indlela yokuphilisa a phuke intliziyo kukuqonda ukuba nantoni na obunayo ngoku idlule. “Ukuhlaba elinye icala kuyo” akuyi kukunceda nganto. Hayi, i-ex yakho ayifuni kuwe. Hayi, i-makeover ayizukwenza ukuba bakuthumelele umyalezo. Yenye yezona zinto zinzima, kodwa ezona zinto zibalulekileyo ekufuneka uziqhelanise nazo.
"Sihlala sihlaziya ngamaxesha amnandi kunye neemvakalelo ozivakalelwayo. Iphetha ngokukubeka kwi-loop, apho uhlala khona kubudlelwane, ubuncinane engqondweni yakho," kusho uKavita. “Ngenxa yoko, uzinika ithemba lobuxoki kwaye ugqibe kwelokuba wenze isithixo yonke into.
“Yamkele into yokuba iphelile, ibingumxube wokulungileyo nokubi kwaye ngoku iqhubekile nekhondo layo.Wakuba ukholelwa ukuba iphelile, kulapho ke apho unokuthi uqalise ukuphila ngokwasemoyeni kwintliziyo eyaphukileyo,” wongezelela.
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2. Funda into ekufuneka uyenzile kuyo
Nokuba intshukumo yakho ibiyityhefu ngokwendalo, ibingeyonkcitho yexesha lakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ukwahlukana bekushiya kukrakra kangakanani, isibakala sokuba ube nenxaxheba kwinto enjengale asinto kodwa ngamava okufunda.
UKavita uthi: “Emva kokuba udlule kuwo nawaphi na amathemba okuzama ‘ukukulungisa,’ uyayamkela into yokuba umele uyeke uze uziqonde izinto ngawe njengoko usenza.” Ulwalamano luyifezile injongo yalo, yaye akusekho nto inokwenziwa ngethemba lokuzama ukuluvuselela kwakhona,” utsho uKavita.
Ukufumana iividiyo ezingakumbi zengcali nceda ubhalise kwisiteshi sethu seYouTube. Cofa apha.
3. Zinike umthamo onempilo wokuvala
Ukuqhubela phambili ngaphandle kokuvalwa kunzima, ukuthetha ubuncinane. Xa ubudlelwane buphela ngobutshaba obuhlala buhleli kunye neeakhawunti ezivaliweyo zemidiya yoluntu, kuya kukutya. UKavita uthi: “Xa ukuvala kungaphumi komnye umntu, xa ungaxelelwanga nokuba kutheni nahlukana, kungcono ukuba uzivalele ngokwakho.
"Ungazixelela ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuba amandla akho e-dynamic aqhubekile kwaye akayi ndawo enye, okanye, ungathatha indlela ethe ngqo kwaye uthethe nomqamelo, uzenza ngathi ngumntu wakho. Lo msebenzi olula apho unxibelelwano luvela khona unokukunceda qhubela phambili ngaphandle kokuvalwa, nokuba ibonakala ingaqhelekanga ekuqaleni,” wongezelela ngelitshoyo.
4. Qonda ukuba kutheni ungene kuyo kwasekuqaleni
Xa ucinga ukuba ungayiphilisa njani intliziyo eyaphukileyo, ukucinga ukuba kutheni wenze izigqibo akuvakali kukhanga kakhulu. Nangona kunjalo, okukhona ufunda kumava osandula ukudlula kuwo, kokukhona unokuqinisekisa ukuba ayisokuze yenzeke kwakhona.
UKavita uthi: “Ngokuhlalutya isimbo sakho sokuncamathela kunye nento ekukhokelele kulwalamano, uya kufumana ulwazi olukhulu ngendlela oya kusabela ngayo kukwahlukana noko kufuneka ukwenze.
"Cinga malunga nokuba ubonisa isimbo sokuncamathela esikhuselekileyo, esithintelayo, esingacacanga, okanye esingalungelelananga.
"Abangalungelelananga nabo banokuzabalaza njengoko bebefuna ubudlelwane kodwa bengabufuni ngaxeshanye. Qonda iindlela zakho zokuncamathela kwaye uya kukufumanisa kulula kakhulu ukuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kunye nesayensi emva kwayo," uyongeza.
5. Zivumele ukuba udlule kumanqanaba okwahlukana
Ukufuna kwakho ukoyisa intliziyo kunye nokudakumba kuya kunqunyanyiswa ngaphandle kokuba uzivumele ukuba uziqhubele phambili iimvakalelo. Okukhona uzama ukufumana iimpendulo zakho emazantsi ebhotile okanye kumatheko oya kuwo ukuze uziphazamise, kokukhona uya kulibazisa ukuba ngcono.
“Izigaba zentlungu, ezi, ukukhanyela, umsindo, ukuxoxisana, ukudakumba, kunye nokwamkelwa, ukwangamanyathelo okuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo. okanye "Kutheni ndingakwazi ukuyitshintsha?", "Ngaba ubomi bam buphelile ngoku?", Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba yinxalenye kuphela yenkqubo.
UKavita uthi: “Zama ukungasoloko ucinga ngemibuzo oza kuzibuza yona, kwaye qiniseka ukuba awunxibelelani nomntu owayethandana naye kwesi sigaba.
6. Uyiphilisa njani intliziyo eyaphukileyo: Sebenzisa umgaqo wokungaqhagamshelwa
The umthetho wokungaqhagamshelwa kuthetha ukuba akukho kunxibelelwano kunye ex yakho, kuba nangona ixesha elide kuthatha ukuba ngcono. U-Kavita usixelela ukubaluleka kokuqinisekisa ukuba ususa zonke iifom kunye nezilingo zokunxibelelana ngelixa ucinga indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kwaye uqhubeke.
“Umntu okwenzele intliziyo ebuhlungu kusenokwenzeka ukuba akasayi kuba ngumntu oza kukunceda uphume kuko, ekubeni usathandana naye.” Ngaphezu kweemvakalelo zothando, kukutsaleleka okubangela ukuba kube nzima ukushukuma.”
Ngoko ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba uqhawule unxibelelwano nomntu othandana naye. Akukho ncoko, akukho mnxeba, akukho kukhangela kwimithombo yeendaba yentlalontle, akukho kuthetha nabahlobo abaqhelekileyo. Yinike ubuncinane iintsuku ezingama-30 ukuya kwezingama-60 ukuze ibe yidetox enkulu.
Ekupheleni kwayo, uya kuba kwimeko engcono yokunxibelelana nomntu wakho wangaphambili ukuba kuyimfuneko, kodwa uya kukwenza oko ngaphandle kokugxeka okanye ithemba elincanyathiselwe.
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7. Fumana isangqa esixhasayo esilungileyo
Xa uthatha isigqibo sokuhamba wedwa, konke okwenzayo ngokungazi kukwenza isigqibo sokulibazisa ukukhula kwakho kangangoko. Ukuzama ukujongana nentlungu yodwa kunokwenza ingozi ngaphezu kokulungileyo, into oya kuyiqonda xa ubambekile kwinqanaba lentlungu ixesha elide.
UKavita uthi: “Fumana isangqa esilungileyo sabantu abakukhathaleleyo kangangokuba bakutsale ngaphandle kwimeko yokuthuthuzela, oko kukuthi, intlungu ovakalelwa ngayo.
Kuphela kuxa uvuma ukubavumela abantu bangene baze bakuncede bakwenze oko.” Ukujongana 'nendlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo' kukodwa akuyi kuphelela kakuhle kuwe," wongezelela.
8. Yongeza ukubila
Mhlawumbi kukho inyani kubo bonke “ukuze uhambe nje phandle, uya kuziva ungcono” amacebiso abahlobo bakho abakunika wona. Ukuba ujonge ukuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kunye nesayensi emva kwayo, izifundo basixelele ukuba imithambo, xa idibene nonyango, ithomalalisa kakhulu iimpawu zokudakumba.
UKavita wabelana ngengqiqo yakhe ngalo mbandela. Xa kufikwa kuxinzelelo, ekuphela kwento enokukunceda ngokukhawuleza kukwenza umthambo olungileyo. Njengoko umpompa ukubila, iihomoni zokuziva wonwabile zingena emzimbeni wakho kwaye uqala ukuba nethemba ngakumbi ngekamva.
Xa ujonge ukulwa iimpawu zomzimba zentliziyo, ukwenza umthambo yeyona ndlela ilungileyo onokukwenza ngayo oko. Phuma kwaye ubethe indawo yokuzivocavoca, intliziyo yakho, umzimba, ingqondo kunye nomphefumlo uya kukubulela ngayo.
9. Yazi ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bebungagqibelelanga
UKavita uthi: “Sithanda ukulibala ngazo zonke izinto ezingahambi kakuhle, sigxile kwintabatheko esasinayo nowayesakuba ngumfazi. Nje ukuba ubudlelwane buphele, sikholisa ukukhumbula kuphela iindawo ezilungileyo, kwaye sigqibe ekubeni sibeke phezu kwesiseko.
“Jonga amava ngokupheleleyo, hayi kumalungu alungileyo kuphela. Ukuba kukho nantoni na, kuya kufuneka unikele ingqalelo ngakumbi kumalungu abi kwaye ufumanise ukuba kutheni kukhokelele ekwahlukaneni. Yihlolisise ngenyameko kwaye uqonde ukuba oku bekumele kwenzeke. Okukhona ucinga ngako, kokukhona uya kuqonda ukuba bekuya kuba kubi kakhulu ukuba ibiqhubeka,” uyongezelela.
10. Zikhathalele
Hayi, into abayibonisayo kwiimuvi ayisiyiyo into ekufuneka uyenzile. Ixesha lokusela utywala alikho imfuneko, kwaye ukufumana ubunzima emva kokwahlukana yinto omele uphephe ukuyenza. Ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukwazi indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo, sikholelwe xa sisithi ayibandakanyi ukungazikhathaleli.
“Ukuzithanda kuxhomekeke ekucingeni, indlela otya ngayo, into onxiba ngayo, inkangeleko yakho, enoba ulele ngokwaneleyo okanye awulali ngokwaneleyo, enoba uyabuthelana okanye awuhlali.” Yiba nenxaxheba kwizinto zokuzonwabisa osenokuba uye waziyeka, musa ukuzifica ngokugqith’ emgceni kwimikhwa enjengokusela nokungcakaza,” utsho uKavita.
11. Musa ukumisela umhla wokugqibela wokuphilisa
Xa ucinga ukuba ungayiphilisa njani intliziyo eyaphukileyo, musa ukuzibeka ixesha elithile onokuthi ubambelele kulo. Ukuba izinto azenzeki ngokukhawuleza, zama ukuba ungadakumbi, kudla ngokuthatha ixesha elithile ukufumana phezu ubudlelwane bexesha elide,” utsho uKavita.
Ndingathi nantoni na ephakathi kweenyanga ezintandathu ukuya kunyaka ngandlel’ ithile lixesha elifunekayo ukuze uphole ngokupheleleyo emva kokulungiswa komthwalo wakho.” Kwanokuba awenzi nkqubela ingako kwiinyanga ezintathu, iingcinga ezinjengokuthi ‘kukho into engalunganga ngam, andisoze ndiphume kule nto’ akumele ukuba ithi qatha engqondweni yakho.
12. Musa ukuvumela ukungakhuseleki kukuphatha ngcono
Ukwahlukana kunokugqibela ekubeni uzive ulahliwe ukuba ungubani. Okulandelayo nakuphi na ukugatywa kobukhulu obunjalo kuluthotho lwemibuzo ezisa uhlaselo lokungazithembi nokungazithembi. UKavita usixelela ngomonakalo onokubangelwa koku.
"Iingcinga ezinje 'andilunganga' okanye 'Oku kwenzeke ngenxa yam, ndigwetyiwe', kwaye 'andizukufumana mntu wumbi', zixhaphake kakhulu, nangona bekungafanelanga ukuba.
13. Hlalutya into oyenzileyo engalunganga
Xa ugqiba izinto nomntu, kulula kakhulu ukudlala ikhadi ixhoba kwaye uzame ukususa ityala kwi ex yakho. Kodwa ngelixa ucinga ukuba ungayiphilisa njani intliziyo eyaphukileyo, kubalulekile ukujonga ngokungakhethiyo ukuba yintoni engahambi kakuhle, kubandakanywa nelo xesha ilizwi lakho lalinomsesane onzima kulo. Usenokuba awuzange uqaphele ubuyingxaki kubudlelwane bakho.
"Jonga igalelo elikhokelele ekuqhekekeni. Eli nyathelo liza emva kwexesha elide, emva kokuba isixa esikhulu sokufunda malunga nendlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kunye nokuhamba, kwenzeka. Cinga ngokuziphatha kwakho, intetho yakho, izenzo zakho, kunye neengcinga zakho. Ukungasebenzi kakuhle kunokuba sebenze njengento ebangela ukuhlukana, "kusho uKavita.
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14. Zifake kwiinkqubo ezintsha
Ngoku ekubeni unalo lonke eli xesha ezandleni zakho, uya kuyisebenzisa indlela uninzi lwethu olukwintlungu yokwahlukana senza ngayo: ukucinga kakhulu ngobudlelwane bakho ngelixa iNetflix idlala ngasemva. Kuba sele uyazi ukuba ayisiyiyo into ekufuneka uyenzile, uKavita usixelela indlela yokujongana nale ngxaki.
"Cinga ngemisebenzi ofuna ukuyiphumeza ngosuku, gcina ishedyuli kwaye ugxininise kumsebenzi wakho wobugcisa. Ukuba usekholejini, thatha imisebenzi embalwa yangaphandle kwaye ugxininise kuyo. Yicinge njengesiqalo esitsha, yenza inkqubo entsha kwaye uqinisekise ukuba unamathela kuyo."
15. Zama ukungathelekisi nabahlobo bakho abadityanisiweyo
Kuyinto engaqhelekanga ukuba xa usenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuphilisa ngokomoya kwintliziyo eyaphukileyo, yonke into oya kuyibona ngeenxa zonke kuwe ziimpawu zothando. Ngokukhawuleza, uqala ukubona yonke into ngababini be-2. Xa zonke ii-romcoms kunye ne-Instagram isibini iifoto zabahlobo bakho zicaphukisa kakhulu, uKavita usixelela ukuba kulungile ukuba uthathe ixesha lakho.
"Ukuba ukudibana nabahlobo abakubudlelwane kukuphanzisile, kulungile ukubaxelela ukuba ufuna ikhefu ngaphambi kokuba uchithe ixesha kunye nabo. Sithanda ukuzithelekisa nabantu abanamaqabane abo kunye nabo, kwaye ungagqibela uziva uphantsi ngenxa yoko. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kulungile ukuba uzinike ixesha lokuphumla kwaye uzikhumbuze malunga iingenelo zokuba ungatshatanga. "
Kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ukuphilisa Intliziyo eyaphukileyo?
Ukubeka phantsi ixesha elipheleleyo lento enokuthenjwa njengokufunda indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kwaye uqhubele phambili kuya kuba lilize. Ekupheleni kosuku, sonke siqhuba iimvakalelo zethu ngokwahlukileyo kwaye sithatha inani elahlukileyo lexesha lokufunda into ekufuneka siyenze.
Xa sele kuthethiwe, njengoko uKavita watshoyo, inokuphela ithatha naphi na phakathi kweenyanga ezintandathu ukuya kunyaka okanye ngaphezulu, ukuba kuyimfuneko kwaye njengoko imeko nganye inokuba njalo. Nangona kunjalo, ayisiloxesha elimisiweyo uKavita anqwenela ukugxila kulo. Kunoko, usixelela indlela esifanele siyijonge ngayo yonke inkqubo yokuchacha kwasekuqaleni.
“Phatha ukuchacha kwakho njengomzi-mveliso wokulungisa, kungekhona njengegaraji olahla kuyo iingxaki zakho ukuze ulibale ngazo. Chitha ixesha elithile uzifumanisa uze uzibhaqe kwakhona. Joyina ikhosi, sukela umsetyenzana wokuzonwabisa, buyela kwizinto zakho zakudala zokuzonwabisa.”
“Ekupheleni kosuku, kuya kufuneka wamkele ubomi obutsha obukulindileyo.” Izinto ezicinga ezinje ngokuba ‘andinakuphila ngaphandle kwaloo mntu’ okanye ‘andinabo ubomi ngaphandle kwakhe’ zonke ziimbonakaliso zothando, hayi uthando.”
“Uthando alufuni lwalamano, luyakwazi ukuhlakulelwa ngaphandle kobudlelwane.
Ukubonisa indlela yokuphilisa intliziyo eyaphukileyo kubonakala kungenakwenzeka xa uhamba wedwa. Zama ukuzikhumbuza ukuba unoncedo olukujikelezile, ngendlela yabantu obathandayo abakhathala ngokwenene. Siyathemba ukuba iingcebiso ezili-15 esizibekeleyo ziya kukunceda ukukubuyisela umva kuhambo lwakho olusingise ekuzifumaneni kwakhona.
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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
