Ukuba neqabane elinokudakumba kwenza kube lidabi lakho lobuqu nawe. Xa umthanda ngokunzulu umntu, iingxaki zakhe ziza kuqala ebomini bakho. Ukuthandana nomntu onokudakumba kuba luxanduva olukhulu emagxeni akho. Kodwa asiyonto imbi leyo. Kunokuba nzima, ewe, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, kunokomeleza ubudlelwane bakho kwaye kukwenze ube yinkqubo yokuxhasa ethembekileyo.
Inkathalo eyongeziweyo, ukuqonda kunye nokumamela zezinye zezinto ekufuneka ube zizo xa uneqabane elinoxinzelelo. Ngaba uhlala neqabane elidandathekileyo? Okanye unganxulumana nayo yonke into esisandula ukukuxelela yona? Ukuba ucinga, 'Iqabane lam lidangele', ungajongi okunye. Funda le akhawunti ukuze uqonde ukuba ungalinceda njani iqabane lakho ukuba ube yintsika eyomeleleyo yenkxaso.
Indlela yokunceda iqabane elinoxinzelelo
Isiqulatho
Ukuziva ulusizi kunye nokudandatheka zizinto ezimbini ezahlukeneyo. Ngelixa imvakalelo yokudakumba iphela, ukudakumba kukuthandela ngakumbi njengoko ixesha lihamba, ukuba alufunyaniswanga kwaye lunyangwe kwangethuba. Ewe, zininzi amanyathelo asebenzayo okumelana nokudakumba. Ukuba neqabane elinenkathalo yenye yazo. Ukudakumba kunokuba yimeko okanye imfuzo okanye zombini. Kwelam icala andizange ndiqaphele ukuba ndikwi depression, ndade ndaphuma ndathandana, ndaphelelwa luthando ndaphelelwa luthando.
Ngelixa ndandihlala ekukhanyeni
Xa ndandineminyaka engama-24 ubudala, ndaqalisa ukuzilolonga, njengoko ndandinqwenela ukuba ngumbonisi wempahla yangaphantsi. Ndandinalo umnqweno wam, kodwa inkwenkwana ephuma kudidi oluphakathi, engaqhubekiyo kangako, usapho lwaseBrahmin oluvuma iimpahla zangaphantsi luya kudala impikiswano kusapho lwethu kunye nesangqa sentlalo. Ngelo xesha ndandingazicingeli. Ndandihlala kwi denial. Ngelixa ngaphakathi ndandizazi ukuba nditsalelekile emadodeni, ngenxa yokukhanyela, ndenze uxolo ngento yokuba ndiza kuba ndedwa ubomi bam bonke.
Kanye ngolo hlobo, ngosuku oluqhelekileyo loqeqesho, ndabona uHimanshu. Saqalisa ukuncokola, kungekudala saqalisa ukunxibelelana saza saqalisa ukuchitha ixesha kunye. Kwiinyanga ezi-2-3 ukusuka apho, ndandimthanda. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa kamva, intliziyo yam yaba buhlungu njengoko watshatayo kwaye ndashiyeka ngokuzivulela isifuba, ndilahlekelwa iinwele ndilila imini yonke.
Ndaba ngathi ndithe phithi
Ngobusuku bangaphambi koNyaka oMtsha ka-2012, ndandiseDelhi ndazifumana ndi ukulala nomntu ongathandani naye umhla. Ndazixelela ukuba yilento yokuba yi gay, mandikhe ndimane ndiyiva kanye and for all and get over this feeling. Ngokucacileyo, oko akuzange kuncede nto. NgoFebruwari 2012, ndadibana noRavin kwi-intanethi kwaye ndaqala ukuthandana. Ngelixa ndandizama ukuphilisa intliziyo yam eyaphukileyo, iimpawu zam zokudakumba zavela phezulu kunye nokuthanda kwam ukuphulukana neenwele.
Ekuphela kwento engqondweni yam 24/7 yayikukuba ndandiphulukana neenwele zam. Ndandisoyikela ukuba ndiza kuba nempandla yaye kungekudala ndandiza kubonakala ndingathandeki. Ndandisoloko ndilila yonke imihla. Ngelixa ndandithandana noRavin, wayibona le nto waza wacebisa ukuba ndibonane nogqirha wengqondo. Andizange ndivume ngokumxelela ukuba ugqirha wengqondo akanakunqanda ukuchetywa kweenwele zam.
Yintoni omawuyenze xa iqabane lakho lidakumbile?
Emva kokundiqinisekisa, wandisa kugqirha, owakhawuleza wandixelela ukuba ndandidandathekile waza wandinika amayeza okuthomalalisa uxinezeleko. Emva kweeveki ezimbini, okokuqala kwixesha elide kakhulu, ndaziva njengam kwakhona kwaye ndafumana imvakalelo ekwakunzima ukuyichaza.
Ndandingatsho ukuba luvuyo, kodwa ndandingonwabanga. Kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezalandelayo, iqabane lam layiqonda yonke into endandijongene nayo. Ebendixhasa, ebesenza yonke into ebindonwabisa nokuba ibimlahlekisela ulonwabo. “Ndiyayiqonda indlela oziva ngayo, kwaye ndikunye nawe”, oko kwaba sisiqabu, kuba abanye, kuquka nabazali bam, bahlala bengaqhelekanga kulo lonke ixesha lokudakumba.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Nantsi indlela awahlangabezana ngayo noku xa umyeni wakhe wagula ngesiquphe
Kwiminyaka embalwa kamva…
Iqabane lam kunye nam besikunye iminyaka emi-5 edlulileyo ngoku. Sitshintshe amakhaya ama-3 kunye nesixeko. Ngoxa ndisasebenzisa amayeza okuthomalalisa uxinezeleko, ndifumanisa kuphela emva kweminyaka emininzi kangaka ukuba wayechatshazelwe ngakumbi kunam xa ndandidandatheke kakhulu. Kodwa ukuba neqabane elinodandatheko kwakungelula nakuye.
Ukuxhalaba kwam, ukuphakuzela kwam, ukuba nomsindo kwamchaphazela ngaphezu kwakhe nabani na. Wayefana nesiponji esifunxa yonke le nto ngaphandle kokukhalaza nakancinane ngaso. Ukuba kufutshane nomntu odandathekileyo uze umbone xa eso sidubedube akuyondlwan’ iyanetha, ingakumbi xa umthanda.
Izifundo ukuba bazifunde kwabanye
Into ekufuneka uyazi ngokuba kubudlelwane apho elinye lamaqabane likuxinzelelo kukuqonda ukuba luchaphazela zombini ngokulinganayo. Ukuba neqabane elinokudakumba kunokukuchaphazela ngokwenene kwaye umntu makayazi loo nto. Nangona iimpawu zokudakumba zidla ngokufunyanwa ngulowo udandathekileyo, iziphumo zalo ebezingalindelekanga ziviwa ngomnye.
Xa elinye iqabane likunyango, elinye iqabane kufuneka linike ixesha, inkathalo kunye nothando. Ukuhlangabezana nodandatheko kuxhomekeke komnye. Uhambo lwam lokudakumba luqale ndedwa, kodwa ndiye ndalwa nalo neqabane lam elisecaleni kwam.
Umlingane wam wafunda isakhono sokuzola okanye ukuthetha kunye nenkxaso ngovelwano, njengoko kuyimfuneko, ngexesha lokuvutha komsindo kunye nokuhlaselwa kwexhala. Ngamava ekungekho namnye kumaqabane awonwabelayo, kodwa ukulwa kunye kwenza iqhina lomelele kwaye libenzulu ngakumbi.
Kwilizwe apho ukudakumba kunebala elihambelana nalo, ukuxela indlela oziva ngayo kuba nzima ngakumbi. Amaqabane kufuneka afunde ukuba umntu odandathekileyo akaze acinge ukuba sisigulo sasekliniki. Kukuqonda kuphela elinye iqabane eliya kunceda ukuxilonga ukugula kunye nokuqalisa unyango ngexesha elifanelekileyo.
Kwinqanaba leliphi inqanaba lokugula unokuchongwa kuphela liqabane lakho kunye nogqirha. Nika omnye nomnye ithuba lokoyisa lo mqobo kubudlelwane benu kwaye wenze uthando lwenu omnye komnye lungashukumi.
Iimpawu ezi-5 zokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kufuneka uzilumkele ulumkisa iTherapist
Iimpawu ezisi-8 zoMhlobo wakho ukwidakumba kunye neendlela ezi-6 onokuthi uncede ngazo
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
Ukuthetha ngempilo yengqondo kubalulekile, ngakumbi, kuluntu olufana nolwethu. Ndiyayithanda indlela ibali elithatha ngayo abafundi kuhambo kwaye ikhanyisela indlela uhlobo oluchanekileyo lwenkxaso olunokuba luncedo ngayo. Ndibone abahlobo abasenyongweni behamba kule nto - abo bafumana inkxaso kunye nenkathalo, baphuma kodwa abo bagwetywa kwaye bashiywe bodwa, babenobunzima.