Kwi-ebb kunye nokuhamba kobudlelwane, sihlala sizifumana sihamba ngemiceli mngeni, sifuna ukuqonda, kwaye sizabalazela ukunxibelelana. Ndicinga ngohambo lwam, ndikhumbula isahluko apho i-dynamics yathatha inguqu edidayo, indishiya ndizamana nomsebenzi wokufunda indlela yokuphendula kwi-DARVO.
Ngelo xesha, uthando lwandichaphazela kakhulu, ndaza ndazifumana ndixakene nebhinqa elinomtsalane. Nangona kunjalo, njengoko ubudlelwane buqhubela phambili, utshintsho olufihlakeleyo lwaqala ukwenzeka. Ukungavisisani okwakukhe kwabonakala ngathi kukungaqondani kwatshintsha kwatshintsha. Kwakungelo xesha lokungavisisani apho ndadibana ne-DARVO ngokungazi - isifinyezo se-Deny, Attack, kunye ne-Reverse Victim kunye ne-Offender.
Njengoko ndandizama ukulungisa iinkxalabo okanye ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zam, kwavela indlela ephazamisayo. Endaweni yokukhuthaza unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolusempilweni, iqabane lam labonakala lisebenzisa indlela yokuzikhusela: Yala nayiphi na impazamo, Hlasela umlingiswa wam, kwaye ngobuchule uguqule iindima zexhoba kunye nomoni. Kwaba ngathi isiseko sonxibelelwano lwethu saba yindawo yedabi apho uxanduva kunye nokuqonda kwakunzima.
Ewe, ikhohlisa njengoko ivakala. Makhe siphonononge kubuntsonkotha bobu kuziphatha budidayo kwaye siphonononge amacebo asebenzayo malunga nendlela yokujongana ne-DARVO. Ngokwabelana ngamava am obuqu, kunye nokuqonda okuvela kwingcali yengqondo Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), ojongene nobudlelwane, ukuhlukana, kunye neengcebiso ze-LGBTQ, ndiyathemba ukukhanyisa impembelelo ye-DARVO kubudlelwane kunye nokuxhobisa ukuba uhambe kwiingxaki zonxibelelwano kunye nokuqiniswa kunye nokucaca kwaye ekugqibeleni uphinde ubuyele kwi-DARVO.
Yintoni i-DARVO kubudlelwane?
Isiqulatho
Imele ntoni iDARVO? I-DARVO sisishunqulelo se-Deny, Attack, kunye ne-Reverse Victim and Offender. Ligama elaqanjwa sisazi ngengqondo uJennifer J. Freyd ngeminyaka yee-1990 ukuchaza indlela eqhelekileyo yokuziphatha ebonwa kwezinye iingxabano phakathi kwabantu, ngakumbi kwiimeko apho umntu ajongana nezenzo zakhe okanye indlela aziphethe ngayo.
UDhriti uthi, “Indlela ye-DARVO licebo elixhaphakileyo lokukhohlisa elisetyenziswa ngabaxhaphazi njengokhuselo lwe-ego. Ukuphazamiseka kubuntu yimeko ye-ego ebuthathaka kakhulu. Ngenxa yokungazithembi kwabo, balijonga ihlabathi ngemvakalelo yangaphakathi yokungakhuseleki, nto leyo abayihlawula ngokugqithisileyo ngobunzima obuphezulu.
"Babona ukusebenzisana okuqhelekileyo njengokusongela kwaye baziva bekhuselekile kuphela xa besusa amandla kubantu ababangqongileyo. Kwi-narcissist, yonke into ngumzabalazo wamandla kwaye bayehla ekulawuleni izenzo kunye neemvakalelo zabanye abantu. I-narcissist idinga ulawulo ngazo zonke iindleko, ngakumbi impilo yengqondo yexhoba labo."
Ukwenzela ukucaca ngakumbi ukuba oku kuthetha ukuthini, makhe sijonge ukuba icandelo ngalinye le-DARVO lisetyenziswa njani ngokuchasene nexhoba:
- Nqaba: Okokuqala, umenzi wobubi uyabukhanyela ububi okanye uxanduva ngezenzo zabo. Oku kwala ukuphenduliswa kunokuthatha iindlela ezahlukahlukeneyo, ukususela ekuchaseni isiganeko ukusa ekujongeleni phantsi ukubaluleka kokuziphatha kwabo okubi, kodwa ukwamkela uxanduva akuyomfuneko.
- Uhlaselo: Emva kokukhanyela, umntu udla ngokuqalisa ukuhlasela umntu owuphakamisayo. Olu hlaselo lusenokubonakala njengokutyholwa ngokungafanelekanga, ukugxekwa kweakhawunti yexhoba, ukutyholwa, okanye nokuthandabuza iinjongo okanye umlingiswa womntu ozisa inkxalabo, okwenza ixhoba lizithandabuze.
- Ukubuyisela umva ixhoba kunye nomoni: Kweli nqanaba, umntu osebenzisa i-DARVO udala ibali lobuxoki kwaye uchithe kuyo ukutyholana kubudlelwane, bezenza ixhoba nommangaleli njengomoni. Ngokwenza njalo, bajonge ukuphambukisa ingqalelo kwizenzo zabo kwaye bafumane uvelwano okanye inkxaso kunye neziganeko zokuxhatshazwa zibe lityala lexhoba.
Ukuxhatshazwa ngokomzwelo kwe-DARVO kunokuba ngumngeni ngakumbi kubudlelwane kuba kudala ingqiqo yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo, kwaye umntu ophakamisa inkxalabo esebenzayo unokugqiba ukuziva e-gaslit, edidekile, okanye engasebenzi. Injongo kukuphambukisa ingqwalasela nokudala ukuthandabuza kwaye le ndlela yokuziphatha inokuba negalelo kumjikelo oyityhefu wokunganxibelelani kakuhle kunye nemiba engasonjululwanga, apho usithandabuza isigwebo sakho. Yintoni i-DARVO kubudlelwane ukuba ayiloqhinga elikhohlisayo?
Ukuqaphela la maqhinga e-DARVO kunokuxhobisa abantu ukuba balungise iingxabano ngokufanelekileyo, ukukhangela iingxoxo kunye nokuqonda okucacileyo kwe-dynamics edlalwayo, kwaye ekugqibeleni unqande i-DARVO. Kumacandelo alandelayo eli nqaku, siza kuphonononga indlela yokuphendula kwi-DARVO kunye nokukhuthaza unxibelelwano olunempilo kubudlelwane.
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Imizekelo ye-DARVO kunye neMpembelelo
Kuhlala kunzima ukubona ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo njenge-DARVO kuba sikholisa ukukholelwa ukuba ukunxibelelana phakathi kwabantu kuya kuba luncedo ngokufanayo. Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi kubudlelwane bothando. Kunzima ukuyamkela into yokuba umntu osondeleleneyo unokuzibandakanya kwihambo exhaphazayo. Inyaniso, ithiyori yokungcatshwa kokwenzakala "ibeka ukuba kukho into eluncedo kwintlalontle yokuhlala ungalwazi uxhatshazo xa umenzi wobubi engumkhathaleli." Kwaye umenzi wobubi wenza okuninzi ukugcina amandla usebenzisa ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.
U-Dhriti uthetha ngetyala apho ukuxhatshazwa kwe-DARVO ngu-narcissist washiya umxhasi wakhe eqinisekile ukuba wayengumntu ombi. "Umxhasi wam wayephakathi kweminyaka engama-20 kwaye wayethandana nomfana malunga neenyanga ze-10. Emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala, waqala ukuqaphela utshintsho olufihlakeleyo kwindlela aziphatha ngayo - phantse ngathi imaski yakhe yayityibilika. Kwavela ukuba lo mfana wayenengxaki yobuntu be-narcissistic kwaye wayesebenzisa amaqhinga e-DARVO kumxhasi wam.
“Ngaxa lithile, umthengi wam wafelwa lilungu lentsapho yaye wayesentlungwini waqala ukutyiwa sisazela ngokuba ebengamniki xesha lakhe. Xa wajamelana naye ngale nto waza wazama ukwahlukana naye, waphendula ngeklasikhi, 'Hayi, inyaniso kukuba usoloko usenza izinto ngawe kwaye oku kulityala lakho.' Umxhasi wam, esentlungwini, wacela uxolo kwaye waqhubeka ethandana naye malunga neeveki ezimbini.
“Kodwa ngeli xesha, waqhubeka emenza azive enetyala ngokungamjongi.” Wathi akumbiza ngale nto, wasabela ngokuthi amabinzana aqhelekileyo okukhanyisa igesi njengokuthi 'Akuyona into enkulu', kwaye 'Uzama ukudlala ixhoba apha kwakhona.' Ngeli xesha, umxhasi wam wayenokwaneleyo kwaye wathi, 'Kulungile, mhlawumbi ndingumfana ombi apha, ngoko kutheni ufuna ukuqhubeka uthandana nam ukuba ndimbi kakhulu,' kwaye yaphela ubudlelwane apho.
“Kwakuba emva koko wathi weza kum ukuze afumane unyango waza wandibuza ukuba ngaba ngokwenene wayengumntu ombi ngendlela awayemphethe ngayo. Le yindlela umntu anokuba nobuqhophololo ngayo xa esebenzisa amaqhinga e-DARVO.
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Imizekelo yomjikelezo we-DARVO kunye nempembelelo yayo inokunika ingqiqo malunga nendlela le ndlela yokukhusela esebenza ngayo kwiimeko zobomi bokwenyani kunye nemiphumo enokuthi ibe nayo kumfanekiso wakho kunye nobudlelwane:
Imeko 1: Isithembiso esaphulwayo
- Ukukhanyela: Udibana neqabane lakho malunga nokwaphula isithembiso sokuzimasa umcimbi obalulekileyo kunye. Iqabane lakho liyaphendula, “Andizange ndithembise ukuba ndiza kuba lapho.
- Uhlaselo: Iqabane lakho liqhubekile lisithi, “Ngaphandle koko, akufani nokuba ndim ndedwa oxakene nezicwangciso.
- Ukubuyisela umva ixhoba kunye nomoni: Iqabane lakho liqukumbela nge izityholo zobuxoki ngathi, “Andikholelwa ukuba undenza umntu ombi apha. Usoloko uzama ukulawula yonke into. Ndizama nje ukuba nokuzimela.
Imeko yesi-2: Ukuthembana kubudlelwane
- Nqaba: Iqabane lakho liyakhanyela ukuba linokuthembisa ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye ngeempelaveki, ngaphandle kwezibophelelo ezicacileyo zangaphambili. Xa bejamelene, baphendula ngelithi, “Andizange ndithi kufuneka sichithe iimpelaveki zonke kunye.
- Uhlaselo: Liphendula ukuphoxeka kwakho, iqabane lakho liphendula lisithi, “Usoloko ubambelele.
- Reverse ixhoba nomoni: Iqabane lakho liqukumbela ngelithi, “Andikholelwa ukuba undenza umntu ombi apha. Nguwe ondifunxayo ngokufuna kwakho ukuhoywa rhoqo. Ndifuna indawo.”
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Imeko yesi-3: Ukucaca kwezimali
- Nqaba: Unexhala lokungafihli mali kubudlelwane, ujongana neqabane lakho malunga nenkcitho engachazwanga. Bakhanyela nayiphi na ukungathembeki kwezemali, esithi, “Andiyazi le nto uyithethayo.
- Uhlaselo: Esabela ekuzingiseni kwakho, iqabane lakho libeka ityala, lisithi, “Uxakeke kakhulu yimali, mhlawumbi ukuba ubunikele kakhulu, bekunganyanzelekanga ukuba ndifihle izinto, nguwe onengxaki.”
- Reverse ixhoba nomoni: Iqabane lakho liqukumbela ngelithi, “Kuyahlekisa ukuba uyandityhola.
A Umsebenzisi weReddit uchaza ukuxhatshazwa kolu hlobo kwizandla zomlingani wakhe wangaphambili, "Amava am amva nje e-DARVO aye ngobubusuku xa (ngobudenge) ndizama ukubamba i-ex-to-be-nex yam ngokukhawuleza [i-narcissistic ex] uxanduva lokuxhatshazwa kwakhe ngokweemvakalelo / ngokwasengqondweni. Waziphendulela ngokuthi ndandimphethe kakubi kwaye wayesabela kuphela kwi-provocations yam ye-dons-sesibini. Ndibone ukuthunyelwa kwe-DARVO Kwirekhodi, ndizolile kwaye ndinobubele ixesha elininzi Kuthatha ixesha elininzi ukundimisa kodwa emva kweminyaka engama-20, uyawazi onke amaqhosha am.
Research uye wafumanisa, "... ubukho be-DARVO njengeqhinga lomenzi wobubi kunye nokuseka ubudlelwane phakathi kokuvezwa kwe-DARVO kunye neemvakalelo zokuzigxeka. Ukuphonononga uncedo lwe-DARVO ekuqondeni ukuba abenzi bobubi bayakwazi njani ukunyanzelisa ukuthula kwamaxhoba ngokusebenzisa indlela yokuzigxeka." Uphawu oluqhelekileyo lokuphathwa gadalala kwabantwana ngokwesondo, la maqhinga athile anokuthi kwaye kaninzi anyukele kwezinye iindlela zokuxhatshazwa okunje udlama lasekhaya kubudlelwane obusondeleyo. I-Narcissists idla ngokuba ngamaxhoba empatho-mbi yabo ngexesha lobuncinci, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kufuneka unyamezele ukuziphatha kwabo kakubi.
Ukuba usengozini ngokukhawuleza, fowunela u-9-1-1
Ngoncedo olungaziwa, oluyimfihlo, 24/7, nceda ufowunele umnxeba weSizwe woBundlobongela baseKhaya ku-1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) okanye 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Njengoko ubona, umjikelo we-DARVO awukhohlisi. I-narcissist izama ukwenza i-pseudo-identity yakho ngokusekelwe ekuzigxekeni, ngaloo ndlela ijongela phantsi imvakalelo yakho kwaye ikwenza uzive uvaleleke. Uhlobo lokuziphatha gadalala oluboniswa kule mizekelo ye-DARVO lunokuba nefuthe elibi kakhulu kukuzithemba kwexhoba kunye nobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu, njengale:
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- Ukujongela phantsi ukuthembana: I-DARVO isusa ukuthembela ngokukhanyela ukuphendula. Ukukhanyela ngokuphindaphindiweyo izenzo zomntu kunokukwenza kube nzima ukuba umthembe umntu, njengoko uya kuqala ukuziva ngathi iinkxalabo zakho zichithwa rhoqo.
- Ukohlulwa konxibelelwano: Isigaba sokuhlaselwa kwe-DARVO sinokukhokelela ekuqhekekeni konxibelelwano okanye a ukuqhawuka kobudlelwane. Endaweni yokujongana nenkxalabo yokuqala, incoko igxila ekukhuseleni ngokuchasene nokuhlaselwa, ukuthintela isisombululo.
- Ukulayita igesi: Le ndlela yokuziphatha ihlala ibandakanya ukukhanya kwegesi, apho umntu osebenzisa la maqhinga e-DARVO elawula indlela obona ngayo ubunyani. Oku kunokukushiya unemibuzo ngezimvo kunye neemvakalelo zakho, kube negalelo ekuzicingeleni kwakho
- Umjikelo wemiba engasonjululwanga: Njengoko i-DARVO iphazamisa uxanduva kwaye igweme ukujongana nonobangela weengxabano, inokufaka isandla kumjikelezo wemiba engasonjululwanga kubudlelwane. Ngaphandle konxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolunyanisekileyo, iingxaki ziyaqhubeka kwaye ziyanda
- Uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo: Ukufumana i-DARVO kunokukhathazeka ngokweemvakalelo. Ukukhanyela rhoqo, ukuhlaselwa, kunye nokuguqulwa kweendima kunokukushiya uzive udiniwe, ukhathazekile, kwaye ungasebenzi - zonke iimpawu ze-narcissistic abuse syndrome.
- Ukungalingani kwamandla: Ukusetyenziswa kwe-DARVO kunokudala a umzabalazo wamandla kubudlelwane, kunye nomntu omnye olawula ibali kunye nokutshabalalisa ukuthembeka kwexhoba ukugcina ulawulo kunye nokuphepha ukuthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zabo, kunye nokwenza omnye azive engenamandla okutshintsha imeko.
Ukuqaphela le mizekelo kunye nokuqonda impembelelo ye-DARVO yokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kubalulekile kwabo bafuna ukufunda indlela yokuphendula kwi-DARVO ukuze baqhubele phambili iingxabano ngokunempilo nangokwakhayo. Ngokukodwa xa ujongene neDARVO emtshatweni. Kwicandelo elilandelayo, siza kuphonononga amacebo asebenzayo malunga nendlela yokuphendula kunye nokukhupha i-DARVO kunye nokukhuthaza unxibelelwano oluhle kubudlelwane.
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Indlela yokuPhendula kwi-DARVO - Iindlela ze-7 ezixhaswa yiNgcali
U-Dhriti uthi, "Ekubeni i-narcissist idinga ukulawulwa, i-MO yabo kukuhlukanisa ngokupheleleyo ixhoba labo kunye nokudiliza iinkqubo zabo zenkxaso ukubenza baxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kwi-narcissist. ngokubalayita ngegesi. "
Ngokwenene, i-DARVO imele ntoni ukuba kungekhona i-whims ye-narcissist? Ukuba ufuna ukuchacha kwi-DARVO, ukuphendula kweli qhinga lobuchule kufuna indlela ecingayo neqinisekileyo. Nazi ezinye izicwangciso zokuqwalasela xa ujongene nengxaki yendlela yokuphendula kwi-DARVO kubudlelwane okanye unxibelelwano:
1. Yiqonde imeko
UDhriti ugxininisa ukubaluleka kokwazi iintshukumo ezidlalwayo. "Zifundise nge-DARVO kunye neepatheni zayo ukuze uqonde ngcono kwaye ujikeleze imeko. Yenza uphando lwakho malunga ne-narcissism ukuze ukwazi ukubona la maqhinga e-DARVO ngokukhawuleza kunokuba kamva," ucebisa. Musa ukuwela kumgibe wethiyori yokungcatshwa kokwenzakala.
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2. Yakha inkqubo yenkxaso
Zijikeleze ngenkqubo yenkxaso eyomeleleyo. Njengoko sele sigqibile, i-narcissist inenjongo yokukwahlukanisa. Ke, funa abahlobo, usapho, okanye iqela lenkxaso elinokukunika ukuqonda nokhuthazo ngamaxesha obunzima. Ukuba nabantu abakuxhasayo kuluncedo kakhulu kwimpilo yakho yengqondo.
3. Misela imida yeemvakalelo
UDhriti ukwacebisa ubeka imida nabaxhaphazi be-DARVO. Le mida yangaphakathi, njengokuzithembisa ukuba awuyi kuzimasa iminyhadala eziva ingakhuselekanga, khusela impilo yakho yengqondo engundoqo kunye nempilo-ntle ngokwasemoyeni, ukuqinisa amaxabiso akho kunye nokuqinisa amandla akho engqondo. Eli linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokukhulula i-DARVO.
4. Qokelela ubungqina obuqinileyo
UDhriti ucebisa ukuqokelela ubungqina kunye nokubhalwa kweziganeko phambi kokuba ajongane nomntu. Obu bungqina busebenza njengokhuselo ngokuchasene nokulayishwa kwegesi kwaye bubonelela ngesiseko sobunyani sokujongana nomba. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba akukho buninzi bobungqina obuya kwenza i-narcissist yamkele uxanduva. Oku kukugcina ungangeni kumgibe wabo. Akuncedi ukubuyisela umva isibane segesi, ngenxa yengqondo yakho.
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5. Cinga ngokuqhawula uqhagamshelwano
Ukuqaphela ukuba awukwazi ukutshintsha umntu osebenzisa i-DARVO kubalulekile. Ukuqhawula uqhagamshelwano kunokuba linyathelo eliyimfuneko ukuze uzikhusele kwaye ungabikho kwi-dynamic dynamic. Oku kunokuba lula ukuthetha kunokukwenza, ngakumbi ukuba uthandana nabo okanye ujongene ne-DARVO okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni. Kodwa inokuba kukuphela kwendlela onokuthi uphephe ngayo ingozi kwimpilo yakho yengqondo.
6. Shifta iimpendulo zakho
U-Dhriti uphawula ukuba amaxhoba ahlala eqonda ukuba xa eyeka ukuphendula ngendlela elindelekileyo, umntu osebenzisa i-DARVO ulahlekelwa ngumdla. Ukulungelelanisa iimpendulo zakho kunokuphazamisa ipateni kunye nokukhuthaza ukusebenzisana okunempilo. Ngokomzekelo, musa ukuthabatheka xa bekugxeka. Sukuzama ukubuyisela umva isibane segesi njengoko oku kuya kwenza izinto zibe nzima ngakumbi.
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7. Beka phambili ukuzinyamekela
Ngokuhambelana nendlela kaDhriti yokujonga izinto zonke, beka phambili ukuzikhathalela. Ukukhathalela impilo yakho yengqondo, yeemvakalelo, kunye nomzimba kubalulekile ngexesha leemeko ezinzima. Yenza ukuzikhathalela kuqala ukugcina ukomelela ngelixa ujongene nale meko. Funa inkxaso kwigcisa ukuba ufuna uncedo kuhambo lwakho lokuphilisa. Oku kukwabalulekile ukuchacha kwi-DARVO.
Ngokubandakanya iingcebiso zeengcali ezicetyiswayo, unokuzixhobisa ngezixhobo ezixabisekileyo zokujonga ubudlelwane apho i-DARVO inokuba khona, unolwazi olungcono malunga nendlela yokuphendula kwi-DARVO, kunye nokukhuthaza impilo-ntle yomntu kwinkqubo.
Iimpawu eziphambili
- I-DARVO sisishunqulelo se-Deny, Attack, kunye ne-Reverse Victim and Offender
- Licebo eliqhelekileyo elisetyenziswa ngama-narcissists ukukhanyela uxanduva kunye nokwenza amaxhoba abantu
- Ukuba lixhoba le-DARVO kunokukushiya unxunguphele ngokweemvakalelo, uzaliswe kukuzithandabuza, kwaye uzimele.
- Yazi okwenzekayo kwaye wenze oko kuyimfuneko ukubuyisela ubomi bakho
Ukuqukumbela, ukuhamba ngeendlela ezintsonkothileyo ze-DARVO kubudlelwane kufuna iliso elibukhali kunye nendlela yobuchule. Ukuqaphela iipatheni zokukhanyela, ukuhlaselwa, kunye nokuguqulwa kwexhoba kunye nomoni kule ndlela yokuziphatha eyingozi kuxhobisa abantu ukuba baphendule ngokufanelekileyo kwaye bagcine ingqibelelo yonxibelelwano lwabo.
Ngokuqonda i-psychological underpinnings ye-DARVO, umntu unokukhulula umjikelo wokuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokusebenza ekukhuthazeni ubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Nokuba ngokubeka imida yeemvakalelo, ukufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha, okanye ukuziqhelanisa nokuzinyamekela, izixhobo zokuqhawula iimpembelelo ze-DARVO zifikeleleka. Njengoko sizabalazela uxhulumaniso lokwenene kunye nonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, ukuqonda kunye nokomelela okukhuliswe ebusweni be-DARVO negalelo ekudaleni ubudlelwane obakhelwe ekuthembekeni, elubala, kunye nokuhloniphana.
FAQs
I-DARVO iyasebenza ngenxa yobuchule bayo bengqondo kunye neemvakalelo. Ngokukhanyela ukwenza okubi, ukuhlasela ummangaleli, kunye nokubuyisela umva indima yexhoba kunye nomaphuli-mthetho, isebenzisa izithethe zasekuhlaleni kunye noloyiko lokujongana. Ukulawula iimvakalelo kunye nobuchule bokulayita igesi buqhubela phambili ukuhlwayela amathandabuzo kwingqondo yommangaleli, nto leyo edala imeko-bume yeemvakalelo entsonkothileyo. Esi sicwangciso sobuqili sihlala sishiya abantu bedidekile, okwenza kube nzima ukubiza ibali lobuxoki kwaye baqinisekise ubunyani babo, ngaloo ndlela bevumela amaqhinga e-DARVO ukuba aqhubeke nobudlelwane.
Ukubona i-DARVO kufuna ulwazi olunzulu lweendlela ezithile zokuziphatha kwiingxabano phakathi kwabantu. Isalathisi sokuqala yipateni engaguqukiyo yokukhanyela xa ujongene nokuphendula okanye ukwenza okungalunganga. Abantu abasebenzisa i-DARVO bahlala bephika ngamandla izenzo zabo, nangona kukho ubungqina okanye iimeko eziphindaphindiweyo. Iflegi yesibini ebomvu sisigaba sohlaselo, apho umntu etshintsha ingqwalasela ngokuhlasela umlingiswa wommangaleli, iinjongo, okanye ukuziphatha, ukuphambukisa ingqalelo kude nenkxalabo yokuqala. Okokugqibela, i-DARVO ibonakala ekuguqulweni kwexhoba kunye nomoni, apho umntu ezibonakalisa njengexhoba, ekhohlisa ibali ukuze afumane uvelwano kunye nokulahla ityala.
Ukuqaphela i-DARVO, nikela ingqalelo kwezi ndlela zokuziphatha ezilandelelanayo ngexesha leengxabano. Ukuba uqaphela umzekelo ophindaphindiweyo wokukhanyela, ukuhlaselwa komntu, kunye nokuguqulwa kwendima, kunokubonisa ukusetyenziswa kwe-DARVO kumzamo wokuguqula imibono kunye nokuphepha ukuphendula. Ukuyilumkela le miqondiso kunokukuxhobisa ukuba uphendule ngokufanelekileyo kwaye ugcine unxibelelwano olunempilo kubudlelwane bakho.
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