Kutheni Intombi Yam Indibetha? Izabelo zeNgcali ezili-11 ezinokwenzeka kunye neendlela zokuhlangabezana nazo

"Kutheni intombi yam indibetha?" — Amadoda ayathandabuza ukuvuma le ngxaki yobuqu. A isifundo ithi, “Ugonyamelo lwasekhaya olujoliswe kwamadoda luquka izenzo ezininzi zogonyamelo ezinjengokuxhatshazwa emzimbeni, ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo, ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini, okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokwemali.” Ayixelwa kakhulu ngenxa yeentsomi ezijikeleze amadoda asindileyo. Ngokutsho kweCDC, indoda enye kwali-10 iye yafumana uhlobo oluthile logonyamelo lwamaqabane asondeleyo (IPV). Abenzi bobubi banokwahluka ngokwesini.

Ingcali yethu, umqeqeshi wobudlelwane Nandita Rambhia ( MSc, Psychology ), oyingcali kwiCBT, REBT, kunye neengcebiso zabatshatileyo, ujongana nomba wokuxhatshazwa kwasekhaya, “Ugonyamelo lomzimba luphosakele ngokupheleleyo. Kungakhathaliseki isini, imfundo, okanye imeko yentlalo-qoqosho, ubundlobongela kufuneka buphathwe ngendlela efanayo kunye nomsindo.

Siyathemba ukuba awusoze ufikelele kwinqanaba ngexesha lobudlelwane bakho apho uzifumana ubuza, "Ngaba yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba intombi yam indibethe?" Eli nqaku liza kukuxelela malunga nezinto ezili-11 ezinokubangela ukuba intombi yakho ibe nobundlobongela kwaye ikunike iingcebiso eziluncedo malunga nendlela yokusingatha le meko inzima. Ngokwenza oku, sijonge ukwazisa malunga nokuxhatshazwa kwamaqabane, ukukhuthaza uvelwano, kwaye sinike amaxhoba ukuzithemba ukuze afumane inkxaso eyifaneleyo.

"Intombi yam iyandibetha" - Izizathu ezili-11 ezinokwenzeka zokuba ube lixhoba lobundlobongela baseKhaya

Ugonyamelo lwasekhaya oluninzi luhlasela ngamazwi, ngokweemvakalelo, okanye ngokwasemzimbeni ngaphandle kokucatshukiswa. Nabani na okhe walubona ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lutshabalalisa intsapho okanye ulwalamano lusenokuba nomdla wokwazi isizathu sokuba umntu enze ngolo hlobo kwasekuqaleni.

nandita uyaphendula, “Ukuxhatshazwa ngokufuthi kubonisa ukusilela kwebhinqa ukuchaza nokulawula iimvakalelo zalo ngendlela ephumelelayo. Zeziphi ke ngoko ezona zizathu ziphambili zokuxhatshazwa? Yintoni enokuba ngunobangela wobundlobongela basekhaya kubudlelwane obubonakala bonwabile? Sixoxa ngaphambili.

Ukuze sijongane, kufuneka siqaphele isilumkiso iimpawu zokuxhatshazwa ekhaya kwiintsapho zethu nakwiindawo esihlala kuzo. Kwaye ukuba ujongana no "kutheni endibetha?" ingxaki ngokobuqu, ukuqaphela iimpawu i intombi gadalala kubalulekile ukuba impilo-ntle yakho kunye nokhuseleko kubudlelwane. Ukwazi ezi 11 izizathu ezinokubangela ubundlobongela basekhaya kubudlelwane kuya kukunceda ukuba uqhubele phambili kwingxaki ngaphambi kokuba inyuke ngakumbi.

1. Ukunqongophala kwezakhono zonxibelelwano

Amanye amabhinqa asenokubhenela kugonyamelo xa ezama ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zawo nokukhathazeka kwawo. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazange bafunde iindlela zokunxibelelana eziphilileyo okanye bakhulele kwindawo apho ugonyamelo lwalusetyenziswa njengendlela yokunxibelelana. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lunokuba yindlela yokuba badlulisele iimvakalelo zabo okanye baveze ingongoma yabo xa beziva bengaviwa okanye begxothiwe.

UNandita ucebisa ngelithi, “Ukujongana nokuxhatshazwa, ukuphucula unxibelelwano ibalulekile. Ukukhetha ixesha apho kungekho ngquzulwano kuqinisekisa ukuba bobabini abantu bayakwazi ukunxibelelana ngaphandle kokuba neemvakalelo okanye ukonganyelwa.”

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2. Ukuziphatha kakubi kwakhe kuvela kwimiba yeemvakalelo

Intombazana endithandana nayo iyandixhaphaza, kodwa bendinokumshiya emva kweenyanga ezintathu ndikwintlungu yeemvakalelo. — UMerc, umfundisi-ntsapho wasePennsylvania, wabelana nathi. A isifundo ithi, "Abasetyhini abaphuli-mthetho be-IPV badla ngokubandakanyeka ekuziphatheni okunyanzeliswayo nasekulawuleni kunokuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni."

Abantu abaneengxaki zeemvakalelo ezingasonjululwanga okanye iintlungu ezidlulileyo banokuba nobunzima bokulawula iimvakalelo zabo ngendlela ephilileyo, ukudala ubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Le miba ingasonjululwanga ingabonakalisa umsindo omkhulu, usizi, okanye unxunguphalo, nto leyo ngamanye amaxesha inokukhokelela ekugqabhukeni kobundlobongela njengendlela yokumelana nemeko engafanelekanga. 

3. Unengxaki yokulawula umsindo

Abanye bayabuza, “Ngaba iqhelekile into yokuba intombi endithandana nayo indibethe xa inomsindo yenye into?” Abantu abaneengxaki zokulawula umsindo bazabalazela ukulawula umsindo wabo xa becaphuka. Oku kunokwenzeka xa beziva becatshukiswa okanye beqhutywa yimeko okanye umntu. Ingxaki inokongezwa kukungabikho kolwazi malunga nezakhono zokumelana okanye imbali yeengxabano ezingalungiswanga. Ukuba intombi yakho inengxaki yomsindo, kufuneka ibandakanye unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo kunye nenkxaso evela kumacala omabini, hayi ubundlobongela.

4. Uxinzelelo lobudlelwane lunokukhokelela kwimiba yomsindo wakhe

"Injalo kulungile ukuba intombi yam indibethe ukuba ndenze impazamo?" HAYI Ungquzulwano oluqhubekayo kunye noxinzelelo lunokubangela ubutshaba kunye nokukhathazeka ngokweemvakalelo Kwiimeko ezinjalo, iimvakalelo zinokwakheka ekuhambeni kwexesha, ezikhokelela ekukhungathekeni okukhulu kunye nomsindo ukusetyenziswa kakubi kobudlelwane. Cinga ukuya kunyango lomntu ngamnye okanye unyango lwesibini kule meko, endaweni yokubetha iqabane lakho.

UNandita uthi, “Ukuze uhlangabezane nokuphepha ugonyamelo kulwalamano, kubalulekile ukuqonda izinto ezibangela iqabane uze uchaze izizathu ezisisiseko zokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni okanye ngokwasemzimbeni.

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5. Usenokuba ungumzekelo wendlela yokuziphatha ayifunde kusapho

Ukuba umntu ukhulele kwikhaya apho ubundlobongela bebuqhelekile, unomzali oxhaphazayo, okanye wabona amalungu osapho ebhenela kubundlobongela njengendlela yokusombulula iingxabano, banokuphinda benze oko kubudlelwane babo. Oku kudla ngokuba yihambo efundwayo, apho abantu bajonga ugonyamelo njengendlela eyamkelekileyo okanye elindelekileyo yokuhlangabezana neengxaki. 

UNandita ucebisa ngelithi, “Isiqalo esihle sokujongana nayo ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lwamadoda kubudlelwane kukwenza iqabane lakho liqonde imfuno yonyango lokujongana nemiba enzulu. Ngexesha lokuchacha komxhaphazi, omabini amaqabane kufuneka abe novelwano kwaye basebenzisane ukuze abone izinto ezibangela ukuba aqhubeke, alandele unyango njengoko kufuneka, kwaye enze iindlela ezakhayo zokusombulula iingxabano. " 

6 Ibanjiwe ngumona nokungazithembi;

Abaninzi basenokuzibuza, “Ngaba kulungile ukuba intombi endithandana nayo indibethe xa ndincwasa omnye umntu?” Impendulo nguhayi obambekayo; ubundlobongela abunakwamkeleka - nokuba wamkelekile micro-cheating kuye. Iimvakalelo zomona nokungakhuseleki zinokuba yimpembelelo enamandla yeemvakalelo kulwalamano. Lo mntu unokoyika ukuphulukana neqabane lakhe okanye akholelwe ukuba iqabane lakhe alithembekanga. Umdlwenguli usenokukholelwa ukuba ukusebenzisa ugonyamelo kuya kuthintela iqabane lakhe ukuba lihambe okanye liphambuke, nangona izenzo ezinjalo ziyingozi yaye ziyingozi.

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7. Unengxaki yokusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi

Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi yiflegi enkulu ebomvu ngokubanzi, njengoko ibandakanya ukusetyenziswa ngokugqithisileyo kweziyobisi okanye utywala, obunokuba nempembelelo ebalulekileyo kwindlela yokuziphatha kunye nokwenza izigqibo. Ngokutsho kukaNandita, xa ephantsi kweempembelelo zezi zinto, umntu unokufumana:

• Isigwebo esingalunganga
• Ukunciphisa izithintelo
• Ukuncipha ukuzeyisa
• Iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu ezingakumbi, ezikhulisa iingxabano

Oku kukhokelela kubundlobongela obungokwengqondo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni njengendlela yokumelana okanye ukuphendula kwizisongelo ezibonwayo okanye ezicinezelayo. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba “Ndingenza ntoni ukuba intombi yam indibetha ngalo lonke ixesha ndiphantsi kweempembelelo zotywala okanye iziyobisi?”, kubalulekile ukuthatha inyathelo elikhawulezileyo ukuqinisekisa ukhuseleko lwakho. UTracy (igama litshintshiwe), umfundi, wasibhalela oku: “Mna intombi enetyhefu uyandibetha xa enxilile. Kodwa kwenzeka kanye kuphela ngenyanga okanye njalo. Ngaba intombi yam iyandixhaphaza okanye kufuneka ndiqonde?" 

Ewe, uTracy. Iqabane lakho liyaxhaphaza. UNandita wongezelela ngelithi: “Ukuba ndlongondlongo nokuziphatha ngokungxama kubonakala kuyanda xa kusetyenziswa kakubi iziyobisi.” Iziyobisi notywala ziye zabonakala zisiba mbi ngakumbi kwiingxaki ezingokweemvakalelo.

8. “Kutheni intombi endithandana nayo indibetha xa ndiqhuba kakuhle ebomini?” Ngamandla kunye nolawulo

Ngaba uhlala wedwa kwaye uzibuze, "Intombazana endithandana nayo iyandixhaphaza ukusukela oko ndithe ndaziqinisa. Kutheni isenza oku?" Ubundlobongela basekhaya yindlela yangabom yokuziphatha esetyenziselwa ukumisela igunya, ukongama, nokubekw’ esweni kwiqabane.

ezinye abafazi ukulawula-freak basebenzise ubundlobongela njengendlela yokubanga amandla kunye nokulawula amaqabane abo. Oku kudla ngokuba yinxalenye yendlela yokuziphatha kakubi ejoliswe ekugcineni ukongamela kubudlelwane. Umxhaphazi unokusebenzisa amaqhinga ahlukeneyo, njengokugrogrisa, ukugrogrisa, okanye ukubekwa ikheswa, ukuqinisekisa ukuba iqabane alibashiyi. 

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9. Ingqumbo engaconjululwanga isenokuba iye yakhula

Kwezinye iimeko, imiba edlulileyo okanye ingqumbo engasonjululwanga phakathi kobudlelwane inokwakha ngokuhamba kwexesha, idale imeko enetyhefu yeemvakalelo. Xa umntu ebambelele kwezi mvakalelo zingathandekiyo ngaphandle kokuzilungisa okanye ukuzisombulula, unokukhulula ukudandatheka kwakhe ngokuhlaselwa ngokomzimba. Ubundlobongela beqabane obusondeleyo busetyenziswa njengendlela yokubonakalisa intlungu yabo, umsindo, kunye ukucaphuka kubudlelwane xa beziva bengakwazi ukunxibelelana kakuhle neemvakalelo zabo.

UChess, umtyibilizi osuka e-LA, wabelana nathi, "Ngenye imini, ekugqibeleni ndaqokelela isibindi sokufikelela kumhlobo wam: 'Nceda ungahleki into endizakuyithetha.Ndizimisele.Intombi yam iyandibetha, ndenze ntoni? Ndiyazi ukuba unomsindo kum kodwa akayi kundixelela isizathu.' Ukufikelela kubantu abathenjiweyo kubalulekile, yiloo nto endiyifundileyo kubunzima bam Amadoda ajongana nebala kakhulu kule ndawo kwaye ahlala ehlekwa.

10. Ujongene nemiba yempilo yengqondo

Sihlala sisiva abantu besithi "Impilo yengqondo yentombi endithandana nayo iyandichaphazela." Imiba esisiseko yempilo yengqondo inokuba negalelo kwindlela yokuziphatha enobundlobongela kwabanye abantu. Iimeko ezifana ne-Borderline Personality Disorder, i-Antisocial Personality Disorder, i-Impulse Control Disorders, okanye naluphi na uhlobo lwesifo sengqondo sinokuchaphazela amandla omntu okulawula iimvakalelo kunye neempembelelo zabo. Makhe sithethe ngezi ngxaki:

• Isiphazamiso sobuntu esiseMdeni (BPD): Abantu abane-BPD bahlala benengxaki yokuguquguquka kweemvakalelo, ukungxama, kunye nobudlelwane obungazinzanga. Ukuba uphethwe yi-BPD, unokuba nomsindo omkhulu kunye noloyiko lokulahlwa, olunokukhokelela ekuqhumeni kobundlobongela njengendlela yokulawula ukuphazamiseka kwakhe ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukugcina ubudlelwane.
• I-Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Abantu abane-ASPD banokubonisa indlela yokuziphatha ndlongondlongo kunye ukukhwabanisa kubudlelwane. Basenokungabi naluvelwano nokuzisola, nto leyo eyenza kube lula ngabo ukuba benze izenzo zogonyamelo ngaphandle kokuziva benetyala okanye ukuzisola.
• Iziphazamiso zoLawulo lwe-Impulse: Ezi ziphazamiso, ezifana ne-intermittent explosive disorder (IED), zibonakala ngobunzima bokulawula iimpembelelo ezinobundlobongela. Abantu abanjalo banokusabela ngobundlobongela kwizinto ezincinci ezicaphukisayo okanye uxinzelelo, oluluphawu olukhulu lokuphathwa gadalala ekhaya.

Research ngogonyamelo lwasekhaya olujoliswe emadodeni, epapashwe kwi IThala leeNcwadi leSizwe loNyango, ithi amazinga okuxhaphaka kogonyamelo lwasekhaya olujoliswe emadodeni asusela kwi-3.4% ukuya kwi-20.3% kwaye izinto ezifana nokusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala, umona, ukugula ngengqondo, ukuphazamiseka ngokomzimba, kunye nexesha elifutshane lobudlelwane zinxulunyaniswa nomngcipheko ophezulu wokuba amadoda abe ngamaxhoba obundlobongela basekhaya. 

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11. Inkcubeko yakhe yenza ubundlobongela buqheleke

Le yenye yeempawu eziphambili zentombi exhaphazayo. Kwiindawo ezithile okanye kwiindawo ezithile, ugonyamelo lusenokujongwa njengendlela esemthethweni yokusombulula iingxabano okanye ukubanga ukongamela. Nangona kunjalo, oku kuqhelekileyo kokuxhatshazwa kunokudala indawo apho ukuziphatha okunobundlobongela kungamkelekanga kuphela kodwa kulindeleke kwiimeko ezithile. Nantsi indlela enokubachaphazela ngayo abantu kunye nobudlelwane:

• Ubunzima bokuchonga ukusetyenziswa kakubi: Amaxhoba odushe lwasekhaya kwimimandla okanye kwiindawo apho ubundlobongela buqhelekile ngaphandle kweminyango evaliweyo banokuba nobunzima bokuqonda ukuba bayaxhatshazwa. Basenokubuthethelela okanye balujongele phantsi ubundlobongela, bangenzi nto enkulu ngalo kwaye bekholelwa ukuba sisiko. indlela yokusombulula iingxabano; ngoko ke uxhatshazo luyaqhubeka
• Ukwamkelwa kobundlobongela: Xa ubundlobongela phakathi kwabantu abasondeleleneyo buqhelekile, abantu banokukhula bekholelwa ukuba ubundlobongela yinto eqhelekileyo neyamkelekileyo yokusabela kwiingxabano. Oku kwamkelwa kunokukwenza kube lucelomngeni kubo ukuqonda ukuba ihambo enjalo ixhaphaza yaye iyingozi, yaye iyonakalisa impilo yabo yengqondo. Basenokungafane bafune uncedo okanye ukungenelela xa bengamaxhoba obundlobongela. Oku kuthatha ukubetha ukuzithemba kwabo

Ukuphuma kumjikelo wobundlobongela obuqhelekileyo kufuna imfundo, impilo yengqondo eyomeleleyo, kunye nokwazisa ngeentshukumo zobudlelwane. Uluntu kunye nemibutho esebenzela ukwazisa ngobundlobongela basekhaya inokudlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuncedeni abantu babone kwaye bajongane nokuziphatha kakubi.

Ukuba usengozini ngokukhawuleza, fowunela 9-1-1.

Ngoncedo olungaziwa, oluyimfihlo, 24/7, nceda ufowunele umnxeba weSizwe woBundlobongela baseKhaya ku-1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) okanye 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Ngaba Iqhelekile Ukuba Intombi Yam Indibethe?

Kuyacaca ukuba ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni kubudlelwane bothando kuphosakele kwaye akwamkelekanga ngokupheleleyo, kufana nje ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni. Ukuhlonelana, ukuthembana, uvelwano nokunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo ziimpawu ezichaza amaqhina olonwabo, akhuselekileyo nawothando. Awukho kubudlelwane ukuba ube yipunching bag yeqabane lakho. 

Isicatshulwa esivela kumba we Ijenali yaseBritane yeCriminology ngokucacileyo, "Ezinye iziphumo zophando zityhila ukuba abasetyhini banokwenzeka njengamadoda ukuba benze ubundlobongela kwiqabane elisondeleyo." Iingxabano kunye nokungavumelani yinto engenakuphepheka yoqhagamshelwano lwabantu kubudlelwane obuhle, kodwa kungekhona ukuxhatshazwa okanye ubundlobongela. Kwiimeko zobundlobongela basekhaya, uluhlu lokuhlola olunyanzeliswayo luya kubonakala luyi-paradigm efanelekileyo yokuba ingcali ihlole imeko yakho. 

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Uluhlu lokuhlola ulawulo olunyanzelwayo sisixhobo esisetyenziselwa ukuvavanya nokuchonga iipatheni zokuziphatha kakubi kubudlelwane. Nantsi into ebandakanya:

• Ngaba wahlulwa kubahlobo nakwintsapho yakho?
• Ngaba uziva ngathi iqabane lakho lisoloko likugada kwimisebenzi yakho?
• Ngaba iqabane lakho linolawulo lwemali kuwe?
• Ngaba bayakwenza ukukulawula ngokweemvakalelo?
• Ngaba bakhe bakubetha? Ukuba ewe, ngaba bakwenze wacinga ukuba lityala lakho?

Ngokusebenzisa olu luhlu lokukhangela, iingcali kunye nabantu ngabanye banokubona ngcono kwaye bajongane neemeko zolawulo olunyanzelwayo, ukukhuthaza ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokhuseleko. Akukho mntu ufanele anyamezele ukuxhatshazwa, kwaye ukufuna inkxaso noncedo akubonisi buthathaka; kunoko, linyathelo lenkalipho lokuphelisa umjikelo owonakalisayo.

Yintoni omawuyenze ukuba intombazana yakho ikubetha-iindlela ezisi-7 zokuzikhusela

Khumbula ukuba, ukubetha ngokudlala kwahlukile kugonyamelo. Usenokubuza, “Ngaba kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba intombi endithandana nayo indibethe egxalabeni ngothando?” Sixelele oku. Ngaba kukwenzakalisa? Ngaba ikwenza ungakhululekanga? Ngaba uyaqhubeka nokuba awukho semdleni wokugezelwa? Ukuba akunjalo, ngoko usebudlelwaneni obunempilo. Kodwa ukuba uzifumana ukwimeko apho intombi yakho ikwenzakalisa ngokwasemzimbeni, kubalulekile ukubeka phambili ukhuseleko kunye nempilo yakho. Ukujongana nentombi enomsindo kufuna ukuba uthathe amanyathelo okukhusela impilo yakho kunye nokufuna uncedo.

UNandita uthi, “Ukufuna uncedo lweengcali kubalulekile xa intombazana ethandana nayo iqalisa ukukuphatha kakubi ngokuqatha ekhayeni lakho. Abasebenzi abaqeqeshiweyo banolwazi lokuphanda nzulu ngeemeko zengqondo, zokuziphatha neemvakalelo ezibangela olu gonyamelo. 

Nangona ukuphelisa ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo kunokuba nzima, linyathelo lenkalipho eliya ekuqinisekiseni impilo yakho kunye nokubuyisela ubomi bakho. Nanga amanyathelo asixhenxe okuzikhusela kuxhatshazo ngokwasemzimbeni:

1. Zisuse kwingozi ekhawulezileyo

UPete (igama litshintshiwe) uthi: “Intombi endandithandana nayo yandibetha kabini ngeveki. Ndaba ndindisholo. Ukuba oku kuyenzeka kuwe, beka phambili ukhuseleko lwakho lomzimba. 

Ukuba kuyenzeka, yishiye loo mmandla ukufuphi ukuze uphephe ingozi engakumbi. Gcina isicwangciso sokubaleka silungile ukuba ungaphakathi intsebenziswano yasekhaya. Yiya kwindawo kawonke-wonke okanye kumhlobo okanye kwindlu yelungu losapho ukuba unako. Zama ukuhlala uzolile kwaye uxoxe ngezona meko zimbi nomntu wakho omthandayo ukuze uzikhuphe entlokweni yakho.

2. Biza abasemagunyeni

“Intombi endithandana nayo iyandibetha” asiyonto esiyiva rhoqo, kwaye ibala loluntu lidlala indima enkulu apha. Qhagamshelana nabasemagunyeni okanye iinkonzo zikaxakeka ukuba usengozini ekhawulezileyo okanye wonzakele. Abomthetho banakho kwaye kufuneka baqinisekise ukhuseleko lwakho kwaye bakunikeze ukhuseleko lomthetho ngaphandle kokukukholelwa. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukuthetha Izinto Ezibuhlungu Kubudlelwane Kuyichaphazela Njani

3. Funa unyango

Ukujongana nale nto umba wobudlelwane kwangoko ibaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Ukuba wonzakele, funa unyango ngokukhawuleza. Kubalulekile ukubhala naluphi na umonzakalo, njengoko oku kunokubaluleka ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokubandakanya inkqubo yezomthetho. Ngokukodwa ukuba ucinga ukuba iqabane lakho lingaphinda liqhubele phambili ubundlobongela kwakhona.

4. Thetha nomntu omthembileyo

A into yokuphonononga kwi Ijenali yeHlabathi yezeNdalo, i-Ecology, iSapho kunye neZifundo zaseDolophini (IJEEFUS) yaxoxa ngokuba amadoda akufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukuphuma kumonzakalo wobundlobongela ngenxa yokungakholelwa kunye nokusabela ngendlela eqikelelwayo kubahlobo neentsapho zabo. Yiyo loo nto singenakukugxininisa kakhulu ukubaluleka kokufuna uncedo. 

Finyelela kumhlobo omthembileyo, ilungu losapho, okanye umcebisi onokukubonelela ukuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo, inkxaso, kunye nesikhokelo. Yabelana ngamava akho nomntu onokukunceda ngeli xesha linzima. Siyathemba, ngokuhamba kwexesha, uya ku "Kutheni intombi yam indibetha?" ukuba "kufuneka ndiphume kolu budlelwane."

5. Qwalasela ngomyalelo wothintelo

Akukho nto ilungileyo inokuvela ngokuhlala nomntu okubethileyo. Ukuba woyika ukhuseleko lwakho kwaye ufuna ukhuseleko lomthetho, dibana negqwetha malunga nokufumana isithintelo okanye umyalelo wokukhusela intombi yakho. Oku kunokumthintela ngokusemthethweni ukuba angasondeli kuwe okanye kwindawo ohlala kuyo okanye emsebenzini.

6. Bhala phantsi ukuxhatshazwa

Umbuzo oqhelekileyo: "Intombi yam iyandixhaphaza, kufuneka ndenze ntoni ukungqina loo nto?" Gcina ingxelo yazo naziphi na iziganeko zokuxhatshazwa emzimbeni, kuquka iifoto, iividiyo, imihla, amaxesha, iindawo, kunye nenkcazelo yoko kwenzekayo. La maxwebhu angabalulekile ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokubandakanya ukuthotyelwa komthetho okanye ufuna isithintelo somyalelo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Umfazi Wam Owayendiphethe Kabuhlungu Wandibetha qho Kodwa Ndabaleka Ekhaya Ndafumana Ubomi Obutsha

7. Funa uncedo lweengcali

Finyelela kugqirha oyingcali kubundlobongela basekhaya okanye imiba yobudlelwane. Ukuba ubucinga, "Kutheni intombi endithandana nayo indibetha?", Ke ukufuna isikhokelo kunokukunceda ukuba ujikeleze imibuzo entloko yakho. Nje ukuba uyazi, abacebisi abanezakhono kunye nelayisensi kwi Bonobologipaneli ye zisoloko zilapha ngenxa yakho.

UNandita uthi, “Ngenxa yokuba abacebisi begcina imfihlo engqongqo, ukufuna isiluleko kwiimeko zogonyamelo lwasekhaya kunokudala imeko-bume ekhuselekileyo.

Isenzo sobundlobongela kubudlelwane bothando ngumba oxhalabisa kakhulu ofuna ukuhoywa kunye nesenzo. Nangona kubalulekile ukuqonda ezinye zezizathu ezinokubangela ubundlobongela basekhaya, kubaluleke ngokufanayo ukugxininisa ukuba akukho sizathu sibambekayo sokuxhatshazwa. 

Ukuqonda ukuba ulixhoba lobundlobongela basekhaya linyathelo lokuqala lokufuna uncedo nokuthabatha amanyathelo okuzikhusela. Kubalulekile ukufikelela kwiingcali, uthungelwano lwenkxaso, kunye nemibutho ezinikele ekuncedeni abantu abajongene nobundlobongela basekhaya. Kubalulekile ngokulinganayo kuluntu ngokubanzi ukwazisa ngobundlobongela basekhaya, ukucela umngeni kwiingcamango ezirhabaxa zesini, kunye nokukhuthaza amandla obudlelwane obunempilo. Khumbula ukuba awuwedwa, kwaye kukho izibonelelo ezifumanekayo zokukunceda ujonge le meko inzima.  

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

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