Izizathu ezi-9 zokuqhatha abayeni bahlale betshatile

Ukusabalalisa uthando

Umama ebesebenza kumthetho wosapho iminyaka engaphezu kwama-45. Ngalo lonke ixesha ndidibana namanye amatyala akhe oqhawulo-mtshato, andikwazi kuzibamba kodwa ndizibuze “Kutheni abayeni abaqhathayo behlala betshatile?” Ngokuqinisekileyo, akusosigqibo silula ukuqhawula umtshato. Kodwa kufuneka kubekho izizathu ezintle ezinamandla ezenza kube nzima ukuba amadoda ashiye imitshato nokuba angonwabanga ngokwenene kuyo.

Ukuqonda ukuba kutheni amadoda ekopela kwindawo yokuqala kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba kutheni abaqhathi bahlala kubudlelwane. Ubalo lubonisa ukuba amadoda adla ngokuqhatha kunamabhinqa. Ngokutsho kweNtlalo Jikelele Survey, “amadoda angamashumi amabini ekhulwini ayakopa xa kuthelekiswa ne-13 ekhulwini lamabhinqa.” Kodwa yingcamango ephosakeleyo eqhelekileyo ukuba amadoda ayakopa kuba ekruqukile okanye engakwazi ukuzeyisa. Ngapha koko, abantu abavuki nangemini enye bathi, “Namhlanje ngathi lusuku oluhle lokuqhatha iqabane lam. Kukho ii-dynamics ezintsonkothileyo ezinegalelo kolu kuziphatha.

Amadoda adla ngokuthanda ukuzifaka ngaphakathi iimvakalelo zawo. Kwanokuba bayalufuna, abazi ukuba balucele njani uxabiso. Oku kunokukhokelela kwimvakalelo enzulu yokungoneliseki nto leyo edla ngokuba sisizathu sokuba amadoda abe neempelesi. Iingcali zithi ukukopela kuqhelekile ukukhetha umntu odikwe bubomi ngokubanzi okanye umtshato wabo ngokukodwa kwaye unonxibelelwano oluncinci neqabane lakhe. Xa umntu eziva engonwabanga mihla le, ukukopela kunokuvakala njengokutshintsha kwesantya esilingayo. Kwabanye, ukukopela ngokuzenzekelayo kuthetha ukuphela kobudlelwane. Kodwa awona mathuba okuba uya kukwazi ukuluphelisa ubudlelwane buxhomekeke kwizinto ezahlukeneyo. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukukopela akusiso isikhonkwane sokugqibela.

Ukuqonda ngcono ukuba kutheni abantu abaqhathayo behlala kubudlelwane kwaye kutheni abayeni abaqhathayo behlala betshatile, siye saguqukela ekubeni sempilweni ngokweemvakalelo kunye nomqeqeshi wokuqonda. Pooja Priyamvada (eqinisekisiweyo kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela kwi-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kunye neYunivesithi yaseSydney), ojongene nokucebisa abantu abangaphandle komtshato, ukuhlukana, ukwahlukana, usizi kunye nokulahlekelwa.

Izizathu ezi-9 zokuqhatha abayeni bahlale betshatile

Isiqulatho

UJames - umlingane wam - wayetshate nomfazi wakhe iminyaka engama-20. Babenentombi kunye. Ebemqhatha kule minyaka iyi-10 idlulileyo. Ngenye imini, wavuka eziva enetyala ngequbuliso, enganyamezelekiyo. Waxelela umfazi wakhe ngokungathembeki kwakhe nangendlela awayejola ngayo nalo mfazi mnye kangangeminyaka. Wavutha ngumsindo waza wambuza isizathu sokuba ahlale etshatile ukuba kudala emqhatha. Wamangaliswa kukuba uJames engayazi impendulo.

Xa kuziwa ekuqhatheni abayeni, kukho ezininzi iingcamango eziphosakeleyo. Abanye abantu basenokuthi umyeni ligwala nje kwaye akanaso isibindi sokuwuqhawula umtshato. Abanye bacinga ukuba umfazi uxolela kakhulu. Inyaniso, nangona kunjalo, ayifane yenziwe lula. Yonke indoda kunye nayo yonke imitshato yahlukile, ngoko akunakubakho iimpendulo ezilula kumbuzo othi "Kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ahlala etshatile?"

Noko ke, izizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo zokuba amadoda aqhathayo ahlale etshatile ngokufuthi zibangelwa yintlanganisela yokuziva unetyala, uloyiko, nokunamathela kwiqabane lomtshato. Jonga uludwe lwezizathu ezibhalwe ngezantsi ezinokuchaza isizathu sokuba izibini eziqhathayo zihlale kunye.

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1. Kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ahlale etshatile? Ukoyika ubulolo

Uninzi lwabakhohlisi yimiphefumlo engaphumliyo enesidingo esiqhubekayo sokwamkelwa ngaphandle. Ukuqhatha ukurhawuzelela ngenxa yokunqweneleka onokuthi ulahlekile kwingxubuwa yemihla ngemihla yothando lokwenyani. Kodwa xa kufikelelwa kukhetho, bonganyelwa luloyiko lokulahlwa. Boyika ukuba xa belahlekelwa ngumfazi nentsapho yabo, ekugqibeleni baya kushiywa bodwa. Olu loyiko lobulolo ludla ngokwaneleyo ukuze luqhubeke nokuqhatha abayeni ukuze bahlale betshatile.

I-Pooja ucacisa esithi: “Intsapho nomtshato ngokufuthi zezona nkalo zithabatha ixesha elide ebomini bomntu, yaye amadoda ayazi ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato luya kuzihlutha zombini.

2. Kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ahlale etshatile? Iintloni kunye netyala

Uninzi lwamadoda alukwazi ukujamelana nokuphazamiseka kweemvakalelo nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okubangelwa luqhawulo-mtshato. Uninzi lwabo lungathanda hlala kumtshato ongasebenziyo kunokuba ujongane nokuwa. Bayazi ukuba izinto ziya kuba mbi kwaye abafuni kujongana nehlazo kunye netyala.

UPooja ubalisa ngemeko efanayo, “Ndadibana nalo mntu wayeqhathe umfazi wakhe nabafazi abaninzi. Wayephuma kwintsapho engazange iwuqhawule umtshato. Unina wayemgrogrise ngokumqhawula kwintsapho yakhe yonke ukuba wayemshiya umfazi wakhe.

3. Ukubuyiswa kwemali

Ayinangqondo ke le. Akukho mntu ufuna ukunika nabani na isiqingatha sezinto zakhe, singasathethi ke ngowayesakuba ngumfazi wakhe. Ukuhlawula i-alimony kunye nenkxaso yomntwana emva koqhawulo-mtshato kunokuba yintlungu enkulu kuyo nayiphi na imali yomntu. Akumangalisi ukuba abanye abaqhathi bakhetha ukuhlala kubudlelwane kunokuba baqhawule umtshato kwaye bahlawule.

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4. Banamathele kakhulu kwiqabane

Idla ngokuba ngabafazi ababoniswa belangazelela i uthando olulahlekileyo emtshatweni. Sihlala silibala ukuba amadoda nawo ayayidinga. Xa amadoda eneenkosikazi, ayisoloko imalunga nokuthatha indawo yabafazi bawo. Kuhlala kukuzithathela indawo ngobutsha babo.

Ngokufuthi abayeni bayaqhatha kuba bekruqukile koko bakuko. Oku akuthethi ukuba abasabathandi abafazi babo kwakhona. Xa kuphakama umbuzo woqhawulo-mtshato, abayeni abaqhathayo bazifumanisa benamathele ngokunzulu kubafazi bawo kangangokuba babayeke bahambe. Kutheni ukukopela abayeni bahlala betshatile? Ilula. Abafuni ukuluyeka uthando lwabo lokwenyani.

5. Kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ahlale etshatile? Ngentlalo-ntle yabantwana

Esi sesona sizathu sixhaphakileyo sokuba kutheni izibini eziqhathayo zihlala kunye. Xa kufikwa kwimitshato noqhawulo-mtshato, abantwana bayatshintshatshintsha. Ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu ababini konke malunga nokuhlangabezana neemfuno kunye neminqweno yomnye. Isibini akufuneki sikhathazeke ngayo nantoni na ngaphandle kolwalamano lwaso omnye komnye. Kodwa xa abantwana beza emfanekisweni, i-equation itshintsha ngokupheleleyo. Kuba ngoku isibini sinomntu esimthanda ngaphezu kwabo, iqabane labo, kunye nayo nantoni na eyenye.

Nangona abantwana besoloko beyeyona nto ithathelwa ingqalelo kumama - esona sizathu siphambili sokuba abafazi abaqhathayo bahlale betshatile - ootata bayaphendula. Ngoko kungakhathaliseki ukuba indoda ekopelayo ivakalelwa njani ngomfazi wayo, ukuba ikholelwa eyakhe abantwana abanako ukumelana noqhawulo-mtshato ngelo xesha, usenokukhetha ukuhlala etshatile.

6. Bacinga ukuba bangatshintsha!

UPooja uthi, “Kaloku, akunto ingaqhelekanga ukuba abantu babe namaxesha okuba buthathaka. Baye baba nolu lwalamano ngaphandle komtshato ebudeni bexesha elinzima ngokweemvakalelo. Kamva izazela zabo ziyababetha baze bafune ukulungisa izinto. Abanye bakhetha ukuvuma izono ngoxa abanye bekhanyela.”

Olu hlobo lwamva ludla ngokuziqinisekisa ukuba yayiyinto nje yexesha elinye yaye ayisayi kuphinda yenzeke. Baceba ukuzinikela ngakumbi kubafazi babo kwixesha elizayo, babe ngabayeni abalunge ngakumbi, yaye ngethemba, bangayi kuphinda behle ngendlela efanayo. Kutheni ukukopela abayeni bahlala betshatile? Kuba banethemba lokuba ngamadoda anqwenela ukuba ngabo.

7. Bacinga ukuba banokuphumelela

Amanye amadoda akholelwa ukuba angayigcina imicimbi yawo ifihliwe kwihlabathi, okanye ubuncinci kubafazi babo, kude kube sekupheleni. La madoda akaziva enetyala xa eqhatha abafazi bawo. Yaye isazela sabo asibakhathazi ngokwaneleyo ukuba bacinge ngokucoceka. Kulula kakhulu ngolu hlobo lokukopela umyeni: into engayazi umfazi, ayikwazi ukumlimaza. Ngoko kutheni utshintsha izinto xa zihamba kakuhle? Bayasilela ukuyiqonda loo nto izinto ezininzi zifunyenwe ngoku okanye mva.

8. Akukho ziziphumo kuye

Isifundo seYunivesithi yaseRutgers ithi i-56% yabayeni abaqhathayo bonwabile emitshatweni yabo. Banelisekile yimeko ekhoyo yaye abafuni kutshintsha. Nangona bezibhaqa sele belele namanye amabhinqa, abakhe bazibhaqe besemanzini ashushu nabafazi bawo.

UPooja uthi: “Nanamhlanje, amadoda amaninzi atshatele kwilungelo elikhethekileyo. Oko kukuthi, akholelwa ukuba abafazi bawo baya kuwanyamezela kwanokuba bafunyenwe beqhatha.

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9. Kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ehlala etshatile? Banandipha ubomi obumbaxa

UPooja uthi: “Oku kufana nokutya ikeyiki yabo baze bayitye nayo.

Ngoku sele sixoxile ukuba kutheni amadoda aqhathayo ehlala etshatile, umbuzo usamile, bafanele benze ntoni abafazi? Maxa wambi uqhawulo-mtshato lukuphela kwendlela eseleyo. Ngamanye amaxesha ubudlelwane bunokugcinwa. Ngoxa ukungathembeki kunokubangela uqhawulo-mtshato, umtshato unokuba namandla xa isibini sigqiba kwelokuba silulungise olo lwalamano. Izibini ezininzi ziqhubeka nokusebenza emtshatweni wazo emva kokuba iqabane eliqhathayo licocekile.

Unyango lwabatshatileyo lunokunceda ukwakha kwakhona ukuthembana, ukuphucula unxibelelwano kunye nokusondelana, kunye nokudala umbono owabelwana ngawo wekamva. Ngaphandle kokungahambelani okungenakulungiseka, ukuphathwa kakubi ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokweemvakalelo, oogqirha bathi izibini zinethuba elihle lokoyisa intlungu yokungathembeki. Ngeengcebiso zobuchwephesha kunye nokuvuma okufanayo ukusindisa umtshato, unokunqanda ukwenzakala okubuhlungu koqhawulo-mtshato. Mhlawumbi iingcebiso zokukrexeza ziyasebenza, mhlawumbi akunjalo, kodwa bambalwa abantu abazisolayo ngokuya kunyango. Qhagamshelana nathi Iphaneli ye Iingcali kwaye uzifumanele ngokwakho.

FAQs

1. Kutheni abafazi behlala nabayeni abangathembekanga?

Kubafazi abaninzi, isigaba sokurhanelwa sokukrexeza sesona sigaba sibi. Ukufumanisa ukuba ithuku labo lalichanekile kubanika ingqiqo yokulinganisela kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kubavumela ukuba bayamkele imeko. Kwakhona, amabhinqa atyekele ekuzigxekeni yaye ngokufuthi azibek’ ityala ngokungathembeki kwamadoda awo. Ukongezelela kwezi zizathu zikhankanywe ngasentla, inkoliso yabayeni isebenzisa amandla amakhulu ngokweemvakalelo nangokwemali kwimitshato yesithethe, nto leyo maxa wambi enyanzela abafazi ukuba bahlale nabayeni abangathembekanga.

2. Ngaba umyeni angamthanda umfazi wakhe aze aqhathe?

“Umyeni oqhathayo uvakalelwa njani ngomfazi wakhe?” ngumbuzo okhathaza abafazi abaninzi emva kokufumanisa ngokukrexeza kwamaqabane abo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukusabela kokuqala kukothuka, ukungcatshwa kunye nomsindo. Kodwa xa ixesha lihamba, inkoliso yabafazi iyazibuza enoba amadoda abo akhe abathanda kusini na. Ukunyaniseka, oku kungahamba nokuba yeyiphi na indlela. Umyeni usenokuthandana nomfazi wakhe aze aphele eqhatha ngelo xesha. Okanye usenokuba nayo ngokulula uphelelwe luthando naye ngaphambi kokuba enze isenzo. Konke kuxhomekeke kwimeko yomtshato kunye nendawo yengqondo yomyeni.

3. Ngaba abantu abaqhathayo bayazisola ngokuqhatha?

Kwiimeko ezininzi, ewe, abaqhathi bayazisola ngokuqhatha. Okanye ngokuchanekileyo, bayazisola ngokulimaza iqabane kunye nosapho lwabo. Kodwa kukho iimeko apho umyeni esenokuba ngumkrexezikazi othe wabandakanyeka kwimicimbi emininzi ngaphandle komtshato. Ngabantu abanjalo, ukukopela phantse yinto yesibini. Mhlawumbi abakwazi kuzisola okanye sele beqhele kangangokuba abasakhathali. Iqhinga kukufumanisa uhlobo lomntu ojongene naye kwiimeko zokukopela.

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