Imiqondiso eyi-15 yokuba umcimbi wakho uphelile (kwaye ulungile)

Kuhlala kukho iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba umcimbi wakho uphelile, okanye nanini na ubudlelwane balo naluphi na uhlobo lusondela esiphelweni. Intuition yakho ikuxelela kanye ukuba kwenzeka ntoni, kuphela ukuba uphaphile ngokwaneleyo ukuba uyithathele ingqalelo. Nangona bengajongwa njengento enzulu ngokwendalo luninzi lwabantu, isibini esibandakanyekayo kulo mcimbi sidlula kumaqondo aphezulu ngokwasemoyeni nasenyameni.

Ijenali yoPhando lwezesondo epapashwe a isifundo owathi, “Besisoloko sinomdla kwiintshukumisa zokubandakanyeka ekukrexezeni.” Bafumanisa ukuba esona sizathu sixhaphakileyo abantu abatshatileyo okanye abantu abakubudlelwane obuzibophelele baqala ukuthandana kungenxa yokuziva benganelisekanga neqabane labo eliphambili.

Kukho imiqondiso emininzi ecacileyo yokuba umcimbi wakho uphelile okanye usondele esiphelweni, njengaxa iqabane lakho lobudlelwane litsala kude. Okanye xa uqaphela nawaphi na amathemba ekamva anokuba angekho etafileni. Kule bhlog, uya kufumana izalathi ezili-15 ezichazwe ngokweenkcukacha ukukunceda ukuba ufumanise ukuba kufuneka ube nexhala malunga nokufika kwakho esiphelweni okanye hayi.

Iphela Njani Imicimbi?

Imicimbi ubukhulu becala zizinto ezimbini – iqabane eliqhelekileyo langaphandle komtshato okanye nje ubudlelwane obungazibophelelanga, kwaye yomibini iqalwa ngenxa yezizathu zobuqu ezisisiseko ezahlukileyo kumntu ngamnye. Ngokuqhelekileyo, xa ezo meko zisonjululwe okanye xa ufumana omnye umntu, umtshato unokuphulukana nomtsalane kwaye uphele ngokwahlukana. Nangona abantu besabela kwaye bajonga ukuphela kwemicimbi yabo ngokwahlukileyo, kunokutshiwo ngokukhuselekileyo ukuba isiphelo sobudlelwane sibachaphazela bobabini. UAmanda Robson, umbhali othengisa kakhulu kwiSunday Times, uthe, “Akukho nto ifana nokuthandana engathethi nto. Kwezinye iimeko, amaqabane angade athandane.

IQela loHlelo lweReGain kuluhlu lwabo inqaku khankanya oku, “Kuyahluka ixesha elingakanani ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato: malunga nama-50 ekhulwini anokuhlala phakathi kwenyanga enye ukusa enyakeni, amaqhina ahlala ixesha elide anokuthabatha malunga neenyanga ezili-15 okanye ngaphezulu, yaye malunga nama-30 ekhulwini emicimbi emalunga neminyaka emibini nangaphezulu.” Kodwa enoba kwenzeka ntoni na, izinto zihlala ziphela. Nokuba bagqiba ekubeni babe yinto esemthethweni kwaye engcono, okanye iphele ngonaphakade, sisihloko esahlukileyo.

• Njengoko ngokwengxelo ebanzi inqaku epapashwe kwiTheHealthyJournal, kukho iindlela ezintathu ezinokuthi ziphelise:
  Kwimeko yokuthandana ngaphandle komtshato, oko kunokukhokelela kuqhawulo-mtshato neqabane lomtshato nokutshata iqabane lomtshato
• Ukwahlukana neqabane lomtshato ukuze uphinde utyale umtshato kwaye uwenze ubengcono kukwasisiphelo esinokubakho kubudlelwane obungaphandle komtshato.
• Kwimeko yobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, umtshato unokuphela kubudlelwane obusemthethweni okanye umntu aliwe liqabane lakhe lobudlelwane.

Iimpawu ezili-15 zokuba uMba wakho uphelile

Ngamanye amaxesha, isiphelo sobudlelwane sikhawuleza kwaye sicacile kwindalo ukuba iqabane lobudlelwane lithe ngqo kwaye licacile ngokwaneleyo kunxibelelwano lwabo ngelixa besahlukana. Kodwa ngenxa yobume bemicimbi, unxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo olunika ingcebiso ekupheleni komdlalo lusenokungabi lula ukulufumana. Ukuba ubona iqabane lakho lobudlelwane lilahlekelwa ngumdla kwaye lithandabuze ikamva lomcimbi wakho, jonga olu luhlu lungezantsi ukuze uhlale ujonge imiqondiso ukuba umcimbi wakho uphelile.

1. Azisekho iintetho zekamva

Ukuqala kobudlelwane mhlawumbi kunomdla ngakumbi kunayo nayiphi na enye indawo. Ukulindela, ukucwangcisa, ukufuna ukuchitha ngaphezulu ixesha elibalulekile kunye kuko konke okwenzekayo kwingqondo yakho kunye neqabane lakho. Wenza izicwangciso ezingapheliyo malunga nesidlo sasemini, isidlo sakusihlwa, ukubhukisha amagumbi ehotele kwiimpelaveki, phakathi kwezinye izinto.

Nangona kunjalo, iflegi yakho ebomvu yokuqala kunye neyona nto icacileyo kuxa ucwangciso lubonakala ngathi aluzange lube luncinci rhoqo kodwa lufikelele esiphelweni ngokupheleleyo. Isenokufana nemeko yomhlobo wam uSharon. Wathi, "Bendizama ukwenza isigqibo kunye naye ukuba ndingaya phi na isidlo sangokuhlwa, kwaye iqabane lam endandithandana nalo landinqamla, lathi kufuneka abe kwindawo ethile ngobo busuku, wahamba."

2. Uza nezizathu ezininzi zokuphepha ukuchitha ixesha kunye

Yinto enye ukuqala ukuthandabuza ikamva lomcimbi wakho ukuba iqabane lakho alisihoyi isabelo sabo sokubandakanyeka. Kodwa yenye inkxalabo xa uqala ukoyika ixesha olichitha neqabane lakho. Kukangaphi ubona iqabane lakho lobudlelwane kunye nokuba ucinge ngokufuthi kangakanani ukwenza izizathu zokuphepha ukubabona ngemihla yimibuzo omele uyiphendule ngokwakho.

The ukuphepha iqabane lakho lobudlelwane inokujongeka ngolu hlobo:

• Ngokuziphepha, uzama ukunqanda ixhala kunye nokungaqiniseki malunga nokuphela komcimbi.
• Baxakeke kakhulu ukuba bangahlala nawe kodwa ngequbuliso baxakeke nabanye abantu ebomini babo 'njengomhlobo' omtsha, okanye iqabane / abantwana babo.
• Nobabini ninqanda uninzi okanye nakuphi na ukwenza isicwangciso, nokuba kulula njengesidlo sasemini okanye neentsuku zedinala
• Iintetho zakho emnxebeni zihambile ekubeni ubuza rhoqo ukuba zihambe njani iintsuku zabanye ukuze badibane nento ebalulekileyo
• Uqaphela ukuba uninzi lweetekisi zakho zingahoywa kunangaphambili

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3. Uqale ukuthandabuza ngaphezu kokuba ubukade uthemba

Imicimbi inemithetho emininzi engekathethwa kodwa ekuvunyelwene ngayo. Enye yazo kukuba ubume obungekho semthethweni nobuyimfihlo bobudlelwane bushiya izinto ezininzi zijinga kwibhalansi, kwaye bobabini abantu kufuneka bayamkele loo nto. Okufana nokwenza izicwangciso zomzuzu wokugqibela okanye ukurhoxisa izicwangciso esele zenziwe ngomzuzu wokugqibela okanye ukuthatha iimvula.

Ke, nangona kulindelekile ukuba ungayazi into eyenziwa liqabane lakho lobudlelwane ngomzuzu ngamnye wemini, utshintsho olungaqhelekanga kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo lunokubangela amathandabuzo. Kuya kukhathaza ngakumbi xa amathandabuzo akho eqhubeka nokuba namandla kwaye iqabane lakho lobudlelwane lingazisombululi okanye lingayiphenduli imibuzo yakho ngakubo.

4. Ingqumbo iyavela kwaye ayisetyenzwa

Intukuthelo ayinakuphepheka xa ubudlelwane behla kwindlela enamatye. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba iluphelise ubudlelwane kodwa ukuba ingqumbo exeliweyo ayisonjululwa, ngokuqinisekileyo inakho. Ukuba umtshato unzulu kwaye omabini amaqabane akulungele ukucombulula imiba, kunokubakho indlela yokuphuma kwingqumbo. Nangona kunjalo, abanye abantu bayayigcina inzondo ngenxa yomkhwa wokungenzi nto. Kwezinye iimeko, amaqabane abo asenokungakulungeli ukutshintsha indlela aziphatha ngayo ebangela inzondo. Kuzo zombini ezi meko, ukuqhawuka komtshato kuba yinto engenakuphepheka.

Ngokutsho kwe inqaku nguKalpana Nadimpalli, isidanga sesiNgesi kunye nePsychology, “... ukucaphuka kubudlelwane kufana nokuzigwaza unethemba lokuba utshaba lwakho luya kwenzakala. Kwaye xa inzondo ishiywe ingasonjululwanga, le miba iye yanda kangangokuba akukho namnye kuni onokufumana indlela yokuyilungisa. Idla ngokubizwa ngokuba ‘ngumhlaza’ wobudlelwane, ingqumbo idla ngokutya nakuphi na ukuchaphazeleka, ukuwohloka, ukuthembana.

• Ingqumbo inokuvela xa wena, iqabane lakho lobudlelwane, okanye nobabini niqala ukugcina amanqaku eempazamo zomnye kwaye nizinyuse kamva kwiingxabano zokubeka omnye komnye phantsi.
• Ingqumbo inokuvela ngenxa yezinye izizathu ezininzi ezinjengokuziva ungeva okanye ujongelwa phantsi kumcimbi
• Ukuba ukuthandana kunzulu ekuqaleni, ingqumbo inokuba sisiphumo sokuba omnye okanye nobabini nirhoxe ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasemoyeni.

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5. Iinjongo zakho azihambelani kwaye akukho kuvumelana

Kwiimeko ezininzi, apho kukho uthando oluninzi kunye nokuthembana phakathi kwamaqabane, kusenokubakho ungquzulwano malunga neenjongo ezingalungelelanisiweyo zekamva. Iinjongo zakho zobuqu zinokukukhokelela ezantsi kwindlela apho ungakwazi ukuhamba kunye emva kwenqaku. Ekuqaleni, kukho ithemba ngothethathethwano kunye nokuvumelana, kodwa ekugqibeleni, akukho gumbi lokugungqa eliseleyo. Iinjongo zakho zobuqu zibaluleke ngakumbi kunokuqhuba umcimbi. Ezi zibonakaliso zilumkiso akufanele zihoywe, kwaye umntu unokuba nethemba lokuhlukana ngobubele njengoMia noSebastian kwifilimu ethi 'La La Land'.

6. Ufumana ukunqongophala rhoqo

Xa uqala ukuqaphela iqabane lakho lobudlelwane libonisa ulangazelelo oluncinci lokwenza izicwangciso eziqhelekileyo njengoko bebeqhele ukwenza, lumka. Umzekelo, ubusoloko uva kubo yonke imihla, emva koko yajika yaba kanye rhoqo emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa, ukungeva nje ukukroba iiveki ezintathu ngaphandle kokuxolisa okanye izizathu ezibambekayo. Umcimbi wakho wawunokujika ube yi-a ubume ngobusuku ngaphandle kokuba ube nombono ngayo.

7. Imfihlo yakho iphumile

Imicimbi ihlala iyimfihlo kwindalo kwaye ungagcina ubudlelwane bakho bufihliwe, ezinye izinto azikho kulawulo lwakho. Nokuba wenza ntoni na gcina umcimbi wakho unengqondo, ahlala ekho amathuba okuba imfihlo ivele.

• Ukuba umcimbi oqhelekileyo ubonakaliswe, kukho ithuba elihle lokuba liya kuphelela ekuqhekekeni ukuba ubume obuyimfihlo buyinto yonke egcina iminqweno ephakamileyo.
• Xa kubhencwa ukuthandana kwabantu abangatshatanga, abantu ababandakanyekileyo balahlekelwa kakhulu. Ukuze bangathandwa yaye basebenzele ukwakha ngokutsha igama labo, elinye iqabane okanye omabini asenokugqiba kwelokuba aphelise ukuthandana

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8. Uhlala ubhidekile

Ukuba uyaqaphela ukuba uhlakulela iimvakalelo ezinzulu komnye umntu kodwa ungafumani impendulo efanayo okanye uqaphele ukuba abakaze bazibone befumana i-steadier kunye nawe, yiflegi ebomvu.

• Ukunqongophala kweenjongo ezicacileyo kunokukhokelela ekubeni ukholelwe ukuba iqabane lakho lobudlelwane liyakusebenzisa, nto leyo enokuba njalo.
• Kuya kufuneka ube nexhala ukuba bayakuphepha ukufuna ukusombulula ukubhideka kwakho kunye nexhala malunga nemiba enjalo

9. Nantoni na eyenziwa liqabane lakho liyakucaphukisa nokuba liziphatha ngendlela eqhelekileyo

Ngothando okanye umcimbi ngokweemvakalelo, ukuchitha ixesha kunye kusenokungasoloko kwanelisa kodwa akumele kukhwankqise okanye kudimaze ingqondo. Ukuba uqala ukwenza izizathu zokunqanda imihla yokucwangcisa kunye nokudibana ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakho liyakruqula okanye likucaphukise ngakumbi nangakumbi, lutshintsho olufanele ukubuzwa.

UCheryl Whitten, umbhali weWebMD, ubhala, “Ukuziva ucaphukile akubonisi ukuba ulwalamano lwenu alunasiphelo, kunoko lusenokuba luphawu lokuba lixesha lokuba uzikhulise kwaye uzihlonele iimvakalelo zakho.Ukunikela ingqalelo koko kwenzekayo ebomini bakho kunokukunceda ufikelele kwingcambu yokucaphuka”. Kodwa ukuba uyenzile le nto kwaye iqabane lakho aliswele kakhulu okanye alikucaphukisi, kwaye usaziva udiniwe kwaye udiniwe emva kokudibana nabo, loo nto inokuthi ifikelele esiphelweni.

10. Ukwabelana ngesondo nje okanye akukho sini kwaphela luphawu ukuba umcimbi wakho uphelile

Akunakukhanyela ukuba isondo sidlala indima enkulu kwisibheno kunye nempumelelo yonke yomcimbi. Kodwa kufuneka kubekho ulungelelwaniso kwaye, ungakhankanyi, amanye amacandelo enza ubudlelwane. Ungazifumana udibana neqabane lakho lobudlelwane ngesondo kuphela kwaye ukuba ayikho etafileni, nigqibe ningadibani kwaphela. Kwimeko enjalo, kufuneka ube nencoko kwaye uyicacise ukuba ulapho nje kwiifowuni ze-booty okanye i-romantic fling.

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11. Uqala ukuqaphela iimpazamo zabo kwaye bakunika i-ick

Yinyani eqhelekileyo kwaye iyinyani into yokuba ubona iqabane lakho 'ngeziglasi ezinemibala ebomvu' xa uneemvakalelo ezinzulu zokuthatheka okanye nokubathanda. Nokuba yintoni na umahluko ophambili phakathi kothando nentabatheko, iiflegi ezibomvu zibukeka kuphela njengeeflegi kwizigaba zokuqala zombini. Kodwa xa kukho imiba emininzi evelayo kunokuba isonjululwe, unokuqalisa ukufumana i-ick kwiziphene zabo kwaye ungawahoyi amandla abo ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye eyona nto imbi kakhulu kukuba, iziphene zabo zinokuba ziqhelekileyo okanye zingaphantsi kunokuphawuleka, ukuba kukho nantoni na enkulu. Ke, ukuba uyasokola ukufumana nantoni na elungileyo yokucinga ngeqabane lakho, nokuba ukunkampani yabo okanye awukho, luphawu oluphambili lokuba umcimbi uphelile.

12. Niqalile ukuziva ulilolo naxa nichitha ixesha kunye

Oku kunokuba yenye yezona zinto zinkulu ekupheleni kobudlelwane. Ukubakho ngokwasemzimbeni omnye nomnye kodwa ukuziva wedwa ngokwasemphefumlweni yinto enkulu kwaye luphawu lokuba ukuthandana akuhambi kakuhle kwaye kusenokusondela esiphelweni ngaphandle kokuba umcimbi usetyenziwe. Ezinye zezalathi ze ukuziva ulilolo neqabane lakho lobudlelwane zezi:

• Ukungaviwa okanye kuthathwe ngokungathí sina xa uvakalisa inkxalabo yakho malunga nomcimbi okanye ngaphakathi
  jikelele
• Uqala ukuziva ukhululekile kuyo yonke isiseko somcimbi wakho
• Iqabane lakho lobudlelwane liyekile ukukunika imvakalelo yokhuseleko kunye nenkululeko njengoko bebesenza ngaphambili
• Ukufumana izithuba ezininzi zonxibelelwano ezingasonjululwanga

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13. Amathumbu akho aye axhalaba ngakumbi nangakumbi

Kuyinyani ukuba imvakalelo yakho yamathumbu iya kukuxelela into elungile ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuqonda ukuba yintoni kanye kanye engalunganga.

• Kunokubakho utshintsho oluncinci kwindlela iqabane lakho eliziphethe ngayo, ulwimi lomzimba, iimvakalelo zabo ezikungqongileyo, okanye ithoni kunye nokubandakanyeka kwiimpendulo zabo ezinokukwenza ube nexhala.
• Nangona ezi zinto zinokwenzeka kuye nabani na ongenalo usuku oluhle, ukuba zihlala zihlala rhoqo kwaye amathumbu akho akuxelela ukuba lixesha lokuba ulungele isiphelo esizayo, yikholelwe.

14. Ukuba uthwele ityala nehlazo, luphawu lokuba umcimbi wakho uphelile

Thetha into oyifunayo malunga nabantu ababandakanyeka kwimicimbi, utyekelo loluntu lwamapolisa aziphethe kakuhle luyakhaba ngalo lonke ixesha,” utshilo omnye. inqaku epapashwe yi CouplesAcademy. Ubutyala kunye neentloni zinokuvela amaxesha ngamaxesha. Ukuqala kokuthandana kunokuba mnandi kwaye kube mnandi kodwa ihlazo elisisiseko lokuqhatha okanye ukuxokisa omnye umntu ukuba ube kwenye indawo kunokukuthumela kuhambo lokutyala.

Kubonakala ngathi 'akukho bubi akukho bubi' ukwenza isivumelwano nomntu otshatileyo okanye ozinikeleyo kuba akukho xinzelelo lokuzibophelela ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukuzibophelela okunzulu kuwe okanye kubo. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, unokuqonda ukuba baninzi abantu abasondele kuwe kunye nabo bachaphazeleka ngokungangqalanga. Ukuqonda kuyabetha kwaye umcimbi uhlala uphela ngokukhawuleza emva koko.

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Ukuba iqabane lakho lobudlelwane alihambanga-qhakamshelana ngaphandle kwesilumkiso kwaye kungekho nto ingahambi kakuhle, umcimbi wakho uphelile. Xa umntu ekhetha ukulibala nantoni na ekhe yenzeka kwaye aziphathe ngokungathi ebengabuhoyanga kwaphela ubukho bakho, kububulumko ukuqonda ukuba iqabane lakho langaphambili alinakuze likuvale okanye libe nesibindi sokuqhawula ngokuthe ngqo. Kodwa ungakhathazeki, zikho izinto onokuzenza ukuze uqhubele phambili ngobomi bakho kwaye uyeke ukucinga ngeqabane lomcimbi.

NdiValeka Njani Emva Komcimbi?

Nokuba ulithanda kangakanani iqabane lakho, ukuba neqabane kufuna umsebenzi. Kodwa xa usazi ukuba iyaphela kwaye iingongoma ezikhankanywe ngasentla zikulumkisa ngokucacileyo ngokwahlukana okusemnyango, nabani na uya kukufumanisa kunzima ukukusingatha. Abanye babeya kulahlwa, yaye indlela ababeziphethe kakuhle ngayo yayiya kuwohloka ngokukhawuleza. Masijongane nayo, akukho mntu ufuna ukuba imeko entle iphele, ngenxa yoko, abanye banokude bagqabhuke babe krwada. Kodwa ukunyeliswa akuzange kuyitshintshe le meko.

Ke, yintoni onokuyenza emva kokuphela kobudlelwane?

• Ngaba iphelile?: Elona nyathelo likhulu lokuzivalela kukuqinisekisa ukuba ukuthandana kuphelile, wena kunye nabo. Oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka uphume endleleni yakho kwaye ufikelele kubo emva kokuba sele benqumle. Kodwa kufuneka ukuphephe ukubuyelana nabo kwiingcebiso zabo kunye nothethathethwano ngazo zonke iindleko
• Bathintele: Zisuse kuyo yonke indawo onokucinga ngayo kwaye uzenze uphendule ngokwaneleyo ukunqanda ukubuya umva kunye nokuphinda imikhwa eyingozi ngokweemvakalelo.
• ixesha lam: Sebenzisa ixesha lakho elikhululekileyo ukuzisebenzela, tyala imali kwizinto ozonwabisa ngazo, lungisa inkqubo yakho
• Funa uncedo: Ngokwenene ukuqhubeka nobomi bakho wedwa kuthatha umsebenzi onzima kwaye kunzima kakhulu ukwenza wedwa, ngoko ke thatha uncedo lomhlobo ongagwebiyo owaziyo ukuba uya kubamba uxanduva kwaye akugcine usendleleni eya phambili endaweni yokujonga ngasemva. Ungaphinda ucele iingcebiso kwiingcali. I abacebisi beBonobology uya kuhlala ekulungele kwaye evuya ukukunceda

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Usenokuthandabuza ukuba iqabane lakho lobudlelwane liziva njani malunga nokubhabha kwakho, kodwa awazi ukuba ulutolika njani utshintsho kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo. Okanye ufuna ukufumana isiqinisekiso malunga nokuba kusentloko na okanye ubona imiqondiso ukuba umcimbi wakho uphelile. Ekugqibeleni, ukuzazisa kunye nokuqhubela phambili kuthatha ixesha kwaye nokuba umcimbi wakho uphela njani, ungalibazisi ukucela uncedo kubahlobo abasondeleyo, okanye kwiingcali ukuba uyafuna. Yaye kunjengokuba umbhali uShannon L. Alder esitsho, “Maxa wambi unokuchukunyiswa nguThixo, kodwa ungaphiliswa.” Ngokufuthi xa oku kusenzeka, intlungu yakho uyisebenzisela injongo engakumbi.” Ngoko, qhubeka uzingisa.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

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