13 IiPros and Cons of Sex Phambi Komtshato

Kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, apho, ngokutsho manani, malunga ne-90% yaseMelika ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, eli nqanaba lobudlelwane obusondeleyo kubudlelwane linokubonakala ngathi linikeziwe. Inyaniso kukuba, akukho mpendulo ilingana nenye. Ngoxa kubantu abaninzi, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kuyinto nje eqhelekileyo yokuthandana, kusekho abathile, kubo okungqubana neenkolelo ezinzulu okanye imilinganiselo yobuqu. Nanjengoko isimo sengqondo senkcubeko sitshintsha, iimbono zamaKristu ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kunye nezo zezinye iicawa zisaphembelela kakhulu iimvakalelo zabantu abaninzi ngalo mba. 

Ukuba uzifumana ukwinqanaba lesigqibo malunga nokusondelana neqabane kwaye uyaphikisana malunga nokuba linyathelo elifanelekileyo okanye hayi, silapha ukunceda. Makhe siphonononge iintshukumo zenkolo nezenkcubeko zokwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, ifuthe lako kubudlelwane, kunye neenzuzo kunye neengozi zokhetho, ukuze wenze isigqibo esinolwazi. 

Ngaba Isondo Ngaphambi Komtshato Sisono?

Enoba isini ngaphambi komtshato sisono sixhomekeke ubukhulu becala kwiinkolelo zonqulo nezobuqu. Izithethe zonqulo ezininzi—ngokomzekelo, imbono yamaKristu ngesini ngaphambi komtshato—azifundisi ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato, zithi ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kusisono. Oku kunokudala ungquzulwano olunzulu lwangaphakathi kumntu okhuliswe ngezi nkolelo oziva nomnqweno wesondo oqhelekileyo. Noko ke, asingabo bonke abatolika iimfundiso zonqulo ngendlela efanayo. 

Abanye abantu bokholo baphikisa ngelithi ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato ayisosono ukuba kusenzeka ngothando, ubudlelwane obuzibolekileyo, ngokusisiseko igxininisa kumgangatho wolwalamano kunomhla womtshato. Umfundisi wezakwalizwi uGqr. Richard Davidson uthi, “Ingcamango yesono idla ngokuphenjelelwa yinkcubeko nexesha, kodwa eyona nto ibalulekileyo kwimilinganiselo yokuziphatha isekho.” Iingcamango ngesono zinokutshintsha ngokomxholo. Kwanaphakathi kobuKristu, kukho impikiswano: iBhayibhile ilugatya ngokuphandle ukrexezo, kodwa ayitsho ngokungqalileyo, “Isini ngaphambi komtshato sisono.” Oku kushiya ithuba lokutolika.

Zithini Iinkolelo Nezithethe Ezahlukeneyo Ngokulalana Ngaphambi Komtshato

Izimo zengqondo ngokuphathelele isini sangaphambi komtshato zahluka kakhulu kwiinkolelo nakwiinkcubeko ezahlukeneyo. Iimbono ezininzi ezisekelwe kwinkolo yesiNtu ziqwalasela ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato njengento engafanelekanga okanye sisono, kwaye zikhuthaza ukuba uzisindisele umtshato. Noko ke, iinguqulelo zanamhlanje zinikela iimbono ezikhululekileyo ngakumbi, zigxininisa isazela somntu, i indima yemvume, kunye nezithethe zenkcubeko.

Ngokuqhelekileyo, imibutho yabantu abagcina isithethe, ngokufuthi kwiindawo zaseAsiya, eAfrika, nakuMbindi Mpuma, ibambelela kwimigaqo engqongqo yokuzikhwebula, ngoxa izithethe zaseNtshona ziye zakwamkela ngakumbi ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kumaxesha akutshanje. Ezi mbono zahlukeneyo zibonisa ukungavisisani phakathi kokhetho lobuqu vs. ixabiso lemveli xa kufikwa kubudlelwane obusondeleyo kubudlelwane bothando. Makhe sihlolisise oko iicawa ezahlukahlukeneyo zikutshoyo ngesini sangaphambi komtshato:

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• Inkolo yamaKrestu: Imfundiso engokwesithethe yobuKristu ikumela ngokuqinileyo ukulinda de kube ngumtshato ukuze ube neentlobano zesini, ngokufuthi isithi ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato njengohenyuzo, isono. Ngokomzekelo, iCawa yamaKatolika ifundisa ukuba “uhenyuzo luchasene ngokunzulu nesidima somntu nesini somntu.” Uninzi lwamaProtestanti namaKatolika abambelele kwisithethe ashumayela ngokusindisa umtshato. Nangona kunjalo, iimbono zanamhlanje zamaKristu enkululeko ziyahluka. Amanye amaKristu anenkqubela aphikisa ngelithi iBhayibhile ayikwaleli ngokucacileyo ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato nivumelanayo yaye igxininisa ngakumbi ekuzibopheleleni, ekuthembekeni nakwimilinganiselo yokuziphatha kulwalamano. Kanjalo, Zophando bonisa amaKristu amaninzi namhlanje asamkela isini kulwalamano oluzinikeleyo ngaphambi komtshato, ebonisa ukushenxiswa kwemithetho engqongqo esekelwe elukholweni ukuya kwisazela somntu ngamnye.
• Inkolo yamaSilamsi: KwiSilamsi, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kuthathwa njengeharam. Esi senzo sigqalwa njengezina (uhenyuzo) nesono esikhulu kwiimfundiso zonqulo zesini. IQuran kunye neHadith zigxininisa ubunyulu kunye nokugcina ubuhlobo obusondeleyo emtshatweni. Ngokwenkcubeko, kukho ugxininiso olumandla ekuthozameni, ukuzibophelela, kunye nembeko yosapho, kunye nezenzo ezifana nokwahlulwa ngokwesini kwaye akukho kuhlalisana ngaphambi komtshato omeleza le milinganiselo. Ngenxa yoko, uninzi lwamaSilamsi uluntu ludla ngokuba namazinga aphantsi kakhulu okwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato xa kuthelekiswa namanye amaqela.
• Unkolo yamaHindu: Iimbono zamaHindu ngesini sangaphambi komtshato ngokwesithethe zibambelele, nangona zingekho ngqiqweni. Imibhalo ye<em>dharma yamandulo yamaHindu ikhuthaza i<em>brahmacharya (ukungatshati) ebutsheni, ilindele ukuba abantu ngabanye bahlale benyulu de batshate. Ukuziphatha ngokwesondo kudityaniswe neengcamango zomsebenzi (dharma) kunye nekarma, kwaye ngokwembali, ubuntombi buxatyiswe kakhulu. KwiIndiya yanamhlanje nakwi-diaspora, izimo zengqondo ziyaguquka. AmaHindu asezidolophini naseNtshona alwamkela ngakumbi ukhetho lobuqu, ukanti uluntu oluninzi lusakujonga ukusondelelana ngaphambi komtshato njengokuchasene nezithethe zenkcubeko. Ngokucacileyo, izifundo zehlabathi zifumanisa amaHindu phakathi kwabona bancinci amathuba okuba bahlanganyele ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, kunye ne-19% kuphela ethatha inxaxheba kuyo, ngokomntu ngamnye. survey
• Inkolo yakwaBudda: UbuBhuda abunammiselo ongqongqo ochasene nesini sangaphambi komtshato, endaweni yoko, kugxilwe kwiinjongo nokuphepha ukwenzakaliswa. Imithetho yokuziphatha kwiBuddhism ikhuthaza ukuphepha "ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini," ngokuqhelekileyo kubhekisela ekuziphatheni okuxhaphazayo okanye okukhohlisayo ngokwesondo njengokukrexeza okanye ukwabelana ngesondo nomntu ongaphantsi kweminyaka okanye phantsi kokunyanzeliswa. Ngokungafaniyo nezinye iicawa, akukho mgaqo ucacileyo wokuba iintlobano zesini kufuneka zenzeke kuphela emva komtshato. Kunoko, amaBhuda afundiswa ukuqhelisela ubungcathu kunye ukuqonda kubudlelwane, kuquka neenxalenye zayo zesini. Ukuba iintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato ziluthando, zivumelana, yaye azibandakanyi ukungcatshwa okanye ukwenzakaliswa, ngokuqhelekileyo zibonwa njengezamkelekileyo kwiinguqulelo ezininzi zamaBhuda. Kwezinye iinkcubeko, umzekelo, kwiBuddhism yaseTshayina, lo myalelo uthathwa ngokungqongqo ukuba ungathethi ngesondo ngaphandle komtshato.
• Inkolo yamaJuda: Iimbono kubuYuda zisusela kwimveli ukuya kweyangoku kunye nenkululeko. UbuYuda bobuOthodoki bulindele ukuzikhwebula ngokungqongqo ngaphambi komtshato. Iintlobano zesini zigcinelwe umtshato, yaye i<em>shomer negiah (ukungachukumisi abantu besini esahlukileyo ngaphambi komtshato) yenziwa ngumntu oneliso elibukhali. Umthetho wemveli wamaJuda (Halacha) uthatha isini esingesosemtshatweni singafanelekanga; ukugcina ukuthozama (tzniut) kunye nemithetho yococeko lwentsapho kubaluleke kakhulu. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ubuYuda boHlaziyo, obuVulelelekileyo noboBulungisa ngokutsha buthabatha indlela yokuyekelela ngakumbi. Ezi ntshukumo zanamhlanje aziboni ukuba zibotshelelwe kuyo yonke imithetho yesini ngokwesondo kwaye zihlala zivuma ubudlelwane bangaphambi komtshato logama nje zivumelana kwaye zinothando.
• Izimo zenkcubeko: Isimo sengqondo senkcubeko ngokuphathelele ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato sidla ngokubonisa imilinganiselo yonqulo nentlalo-ntle. Kumazwe amaninzi aseNtshona, isini sangaphambi komtshato siye samkelwa ngokubanzi kwisiqingatha senkulungwane edluleyo. I-secularization kunye ne-revolution yesini yakhokelela ekugxininiseni ngakumbi inkululeko yomntu kunye ukuhambelana ngokwesondo. Kwelinye icala, uninzi lweenkcubeko zaseAsiya, zaseAfrika, nakuMbindi Mpuma zihlala zibambelele kulo mba, ngokufuthi ngenxa yezithethe zonqulo nezasekuhlaleni. Lo mahluko ukhokelela kumava ahlukeneyo. Umzekelo, izibini zaseMelika okanye zaseYurophu zinokuthandana iminyaka kwaye zihlale kunye, ngokwamkelwa luluntu, kanti kwiindawo ezihlala abantu abadala, ukuziphatha okunjalo kunokukhokelela kwisohlwayo sentlalontle.

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Isondo phambi komtshato lichaphazela njani ubudlelwane?

Ngaba ukwabelana ngesondo phakathi kwamaqabane angatshatanga anempembelelo kubudlelwane, ngendlela eyakhayo okanye embi? Akukho mpendulo jikelele. Kwezinye izibini, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato komeleza iqhina nolwalamano lwazo olusenyongweni. Kwabanye, yazisa uxinzelelo okanye amathandabuzo kwintshukumo. Ukwabelana ngesondo kukhupha iihomoni ezibophayo ezifana ne-oxytocin ezenza nzulu ukuncamathela, ezinokukusondeza. Kodwa ukuba ubudlelwane buyaphela emva kokwabelana ngesondo, intlungu inokuba nzima ngakumbi. Ngoxa iintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato zisenokuvula iingcango zokuqonda nonxibelelwano olungcono, zisenokubangela ukuba umntu acinge. 

Ekugqibeleni, indlela isondo esichaphazela ngayo ubudlelwane bakho ixhomekeke kwimilinganiselo yamaqabane omabini, ubume bonxibelelwano lwabo, kunye nokuba isiseko siqine kangakanani. 

IiPros ezili-13 zokulalana phambi komtshato

Njengoko usenokutsho ngoku, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kusenokuba yingxubevange yamava, kunye neengenelo kunye nemigibe. Ezi ngenelo zidlulela ngaphaya kolonwabo lomzimba nempembelelo unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo kunye nokwaneliseka kobudlelwane. Makhe sijonge kwizinto ezili-13 ezinokubakho zokuthandana ngokwesondo ngaphambi komtshato ukuze siqonde ukuba:

1. Ukuqonda isiqu sakho ngokwesondo

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kukuvumela ukuba uhlolisise ubuni bakho ngokwesondo. Ngokusondelelana nomntu omthembileyo, ufunda into oyithandayo, ongayithandiyo, nalapho imida yakho ixhomekeke khona. Oku kuzazi kunokukhokelela kubomi bokwabelana ngesondo obunempilo emtshatweni, kuba uya kukwazi ukunxibelelana neemfuno zakho kunye nezinto ozikhethayo kwiqabane lakho.

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2. Ukufumana amava ngesondo kunye nezakhono

Ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kunokwakha ukuzithemba nobuchule bakho kwigumbi lokulala. Njengawo nawuphi na umsebenzi, ukuziqhelanisa kuyanceda. Ufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ngesini nokuqonda iimfuno zomnye. Le ntuthuzelo kunye namava anokukhokelela kubomi bomtshato obanelisayo, obungeyongxaki kangako.

3. Ukuvavanya ukuhambelana ngokwesondo

Ukuhambelana ngokwesondo kubalulekile kulonwabo lwexesha elide. Ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kukuvumela ukuba ufumanise ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nihambelana kakuhle ebhedini, nto leyo ongenakuyilinganisa ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kokuzama. Njengomntu omnye oye waphendula Reddit, “Ungayithenga imoto ngaphandle kovavanyo lokuyiqhuba?” Ukuqinisekisa ukuba ucofa ngokwasemzimbeni kunokuthintela ukothuka okungemnandanga kamva.

4. Ukuchonga iingxaki ezinokubakho kwangethuba

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kunokutyhila iingxaki zesini okanye ukungahambelani kwangethuba. Unokufumanisa ukungalingani okukhulu kwi-libido okanye eminye imiba yobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Kungcono ukukufumanisa oku ngaphambi kokuba utshate, ukuze ukwazi ukuyilungisa okanye ucinge kwakhona, kunokuba uvalwe amehlo kamva. 

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5. Ukuqinisa ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo

Ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kudla ngokuwenza nzulu umanyano lweemvakalelo phakathi kwamaqabane. Ukuthemba umntu ngobuthathaka bakho ngolo hlobo kunokwandisa uthando kunye nokusondelana enibelana ngako. Izibini ezininzi ziziva zixhumeke ngakumbi kwaye "zivumelanisa" emva kokuthandana ngokwesondo.

6. Ukuphucula unxibelelwano phakathi kwamaqabane

Kholwa okanye hayi, isondo sinako phucula unxibelelwano lwenu njengesibini. Ukusondelelana kufuna ingxoxo evulekileyo malunga neemfuno kunye nemida. Ngokuqhelisela ezo ncoko zinyanisekileyo kwigumbi lokulala, izibini ezininzi zikufumanisa kulula ukunxibelelana nangezinye izinto. Ngamafutshane, ukuba unokuthetha ngesondo, unokuthetha ngayo nantoni na. Kwaye loo nto yakha ukuthembana.

7. Ukunciphisa uxinzelelo lwezesondo kunye nokuxhalaba

Ukulinda de utshate kunokudala uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo olukhulu malunga "ixesha lokuqala." Ukuthandana ngaphambi komtshato kususa into enkulu engaziwayo. Awuyi kuba nalo lonke uxinzelelo lokusebenza lufakwe ngobusuku obunye, kwaye ungadlula nakuphi na ubunzima bokuqala kwangoko. Ngethuba utshatile, isondo sinokuziva sikhululekile kwaye singokwemvelo.

8. Ukuphepha imitshato engxamisekileyo “ngenxa nje yezesondo”

Abanye abantu batshata ngokungxama ikakhulu ukuze babe neentlobano zesini. Ukuba ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato akusikelwanga mda, iyancipha ingcinezelo yokubalekela emtshatweni ngenxa yezizathu ezingokomzimba. Ungathatha ixesha lakho kwaye utshate xa kubonakala kulungile. Hayi kuba uzama ngamandla ukuhlala ungatshatanga. Oku kuthetha ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba utshate ngenxa yothando kunye nokufanelana, kungekhona nje ukubhalisa ngokusemthethweni ukwabelana ngesondo.

9. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba iinjongo zeqabane lakho ziyinyani

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kunokusebenza njengesihluzo seenjongo ezimbi. Ukuba umntu unomdla kuwe kuphela ngesondo, basenokuphelelwa ngumdla emva kokuyifumana. Kubuhlungu, kodwa kungcono ukwazi ngaphambi komtshato. Iqabane elikuthanda ngokwenene liya kunamathela kwaye lisondele ngakumbi emva kokusondelana, linganyamalali.

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10. Ukonwabela ulonwabo kunye nokukhululeka koxinzelelo

Masijongane nayo: ukwabelana ngesondo kuyonwabisa, kwaye luncedo olusebenzayo lokuzama. Ikwayinto enkulu yokuphelisa uxinzelelo. Ulwalamano olusondeleyo lomzimba lubangela iihomoni zokuziva-zonwabile ezinciphisa uxinzelelo kunye nokunyusa umoya. Izibini ezininzi zifumanisa ukuba ukonwabela ubomi bokwabelana ngesondo obunempilo ngaphambi komtshato kubasondeza kwaye kubanceda bakhululeke kunye.

11. Ukuziva unamandla kwaye uzithembile

Ukukhetha ukwabelana ngesondo ngokwemiqathango yakho kunokuxhobisa. Uthatha ulawulo lomzimba wakho kunye nezigqibo, endaweni yokuvumela umthetho ukuba uchaze ukubaluleka kwakho. Abantu abaninzi (ingakumbi abasetyhini) baziva bezithembile kwaye bekhululekile xa bengabuphathi ubunyulu njengendebe. Ukwamkela ubulili bakho ngaphandle kokuhlazeka kunokunyusa ukuzithemba kwakho kwaye kukwenze ube liqabane eliqinisekisiweyo.

12. Akukho mdla wokwazi “ukuba kuthini na” oseleyo

Ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kunokuphelisa umdla. Ukuba unamava athile ngesondo, awuyi kuzibuza ukuba kunjani ukuba neentlobano zesini nomnye umntu xa sele utshatile. Umfazi owayenamaqabane angaphambili uthe Reddit, “Kwakhona ndiyazi kakuhle into endiphoswa yiyo nendingayiphosiyo ehlabathini.Kukwenza kube lula ukwazi ukuba ndiye ndakhetha iqabane elifanelekileyo endonwabileyo ukuhlala nalo.” 

13. Ukwakha ukuthembana ngokuba sesichengeni

Ukwabelana ngesondo kunokwakha ukuthembana phakathi kwamaqabane. Ukusondelelana kuthetha ukuba sesichengeni, kwaye ukuba niphathana ngenkathalo, kudala imvakalelo enzulu yokhuseleko. Ufunda ukuhlonela imida kunye neemfuno zomnye nomnye kwinqanaba lomntu kakhulu. Njengoko ingcali yobudlelwane uGqr. John Gottman esitsho, “Ukuthembana kwakhelwa ngamaxesha amancinane.” Ukwabelana ngezo zihlandlo zisenyongweni ngaphambi komtshato kunokomeleza ukuthembela kubudlelwane bakho.

Iingxaki ezili-13 zesini ngaphambi komtshato

Akukho sigqibo singenabungozi. Kubalulekile ukuqwalasela izinto ezinokuba yingozi xa ulala nomntu ngaphambi komtshato. Nazi i-13 ezinokubakho imigibe yokuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato: 

1. Ubutyala bonqulo okanye lokuziphatha

Ukuba uye wafundiswa ukuba ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kusisono, ukwaphula loo mgaqo kunokukhokelela ekubeni unetyala okanye uhlazeke kakhulu. Usenokuziva uluphosile ukholo okanye usapho lwakho. Olu hlobo lwengxwabangxwaba yokuziphatha lunokujinga phezu kwakho lude lukwenze kube nzima ukunandipha ubuhlobo obusenyongweni kamva.

2. Ukuzisola okunokwenzeka 

Abanye abantu kamva bayazisola ngokwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, ngakumbi ukuba bekungekho kunye neqabane labo lanaphakade. Bavakalelwa kukuba banike into ekhethekileyo kumntu ongafanelekanga. Ukuthetha ngokuphulukana nobuntombi babo kumntu ongazange ahlale, umntu phezu Reddit wavuma wathi, “Ndaziva ndilusizi xa ndafumanisa indlela ekwakububudenge ngayo.” Ukuba ubusoloko ufuna ubusuku bakho bomtshato ukuba ibelixesha lakho lokuqala, usenokuba lusizi ngenxa yokulahlekelwa ngulo mzuzu wakanye ebomini.

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3. Ubuhlungu obunzulu bentliziyo emva kokwahlukana

Ukwabelana ngesondo kuthanda ukudala iqhina eliqinileyo ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba ubudlelwane buyaqhekeka, olo lwalamano lunokwenza intliziyo ibe nzima ngakumbi. Abantu abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba ukuhlukana kubuhlungu ngakumbi emva kokuba bethandana. Ukuwa ngokweemvakalelo kuhlala kumandla ngakumbi ngenxa yokuba wabelane ngonxibelelwano lobuqu olunjalo. Ngamanye amazwi, unokufumana imvakalelo enzulu yokulahlekelwa kunye nokwenzakala xa ubudlelwane bezesondo buphela.

4. Imingcipheko yokukhulelwa kunye nee-STIs

Nanini na usabelana ngesondo, kukho umngcipheko wokukhulelwa, kunye nokulawulwa kokuzalwa. Ukukhulelwa okungacwangciswanga kunokudala uxinzelelo olunzulu lweemvakalelo kunye nemali, ngakumbi ukuba awukakulungeli ukuba ngumzali. Kukho umngcipheko wokuba izifo ezosulela ngesondo (ii-STIs). Ukukhuselwa kunye novavanyo kunciphisa amathuba, kodwa akukho ndlela yi-100%. Ukujongana nomntwana owothusayo okanye umba wezempilo unokubenza nzima ubomi bakho kunye nolwalamano lwakho ngaphambi komtshato.

5. Ukuziva ucinezelekile okanye usetyenziswa

Ukwazisa ngesondo ngamanye amaxesha kunokudala ukungalingani kubudlelwane. Elinye iqabane lisenokuziva linyanzelekile ukuba lihambe nalo ngaphambi kokuba lilungele ngokwenene, nto leyo ekhokelela ekubeni netyala okanye ingqumbo. Kwi-flip side, abanye abantu balahlekelwa yintlonipho okanye umdla emva kokuba befumene into abayifunayo ngokwasemzimbeni, beshiya omnye umntu eziva esetyenziswa okanye engaxabisekanga. Ukuba isondo senzeka ngaphandle kokuzibophelela okulinganayo ngokweemvakalelo, kunokubangela intlungu enkulu.

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6. Ukungamkeleki kwintsapho okanye ekuhlaleni

Kwezinye iintsapho nakwiinkcubeko, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato akuvumelekanga ngokupheleleyo. Ukuba abazali okanye abantu basekuhlaleni bayayiva loo nto, usenokuqumba, uphoxeke, okanye uhlazeke. Unokuziva unyanzelekile ukuba uxoke okanye ufihle iindawo ezithile zobomi bakho. Olu hlobo lwesigwebo sangaphandle lunokuba luxinzelelo kakhulu kwaye lunako qinisa ubudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho kunye nabo ubathandayo.

7. Ukuthelekisa kunye nemithwalo edlulileyo

Ukuba namaqabane okwabelana ngesondo kwixesha elidlulileyo kunokungenisa umona okanye ukungazithembi emtshatweni. Wena okanye iqabane lakho ninokuzithelekisa nabanye abantu ababefudula nithandana, okanye nizive ningakhululekanga ukwazi ukuba aniqalanga. Amava esondo angaphambili nawo angathwala umthwalo weemvakalelo, nokuba ziinkumbulo ezingapheliyo okanye zibuhlungu. Konke oku kunokukhokelela kwimiba yokuthembana okanye imvakalelo yokuba iqhina lakho alikho “elikhethekileyo,” nto leyo enokulwenza lube nzima ubudlelwane.

8. Isigwebo sinokugqunywa sisini

Ukwabelana ngesondo okukhulu kunokusitha isigwebo sakho. Ukuphakama kweemvakalelo zobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunokukwenza ukuba ungahoyi iiflegi ezibomvu okanye ukungahambelani. Unokugqiba ukuhlala kubudlelwane obubi ixesha elide kunokuba kufanelekile ngenxa yokuba ibhondi yomzimba yomelele. Ngamanye amazwi, ukubandakanyeka ngokwesondo kunokwenza kube nzima ukubona iimpazamo zeqabane ngokucacileyo kwaye wenze izigqibo ezinengqondo malunga nobudlelwane.

9. Ukubakho kokungalingani kobudlelwane

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngamanye amaxesha kunokuphazamisa ukugxila kobudlelwane. Isibini sinokuqalisa ukuthembela kwisini ukuze sisondelelane okanye silungise iingxaki, kunokuba sisebenzele kunxibelelwano olunzulu. Kulula ukuchitha ixesha elininzi unxibelelana kunokwakha ubuhlobo bakho ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba icala lomzimba lithatha indawo, eminye imiba ebalulekileyo efana nobuhlobo okanye iinjongo ekwabelwana ngazo zinokungahoywa, nto leyo engalunganga kubudlelwane bexesha elide.

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10. Ingakhokelela kungquzulwano ukuba amaxabiso ayahluka

Isini sangaphambi komtshato sinokubangela ingxabano enkulu ukuba wena neqabane lakho nineenkolelo ezichaseneyo ngoko. Elinye ibhinqa elingumKristu elabelana ngesondo nenkwenkwe yalo engakholelwayo kubukho bukaThixo lancokola Reddit, “Ndivuya kakhulu kuba ebengowokuqala. KWAYE, ndibuhlungu kuba kukho iimbono ezingqubanayo esinazo nezibangela ukuba ikamva lethu libe nzima.” Wayemthanda, kodwa imilinganiselo yabo eyahlukileyo yenza izinto zaba nzima. Ukuba omnye wenu uba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato okuphosakeleyo yaye omnye akakwenzi oko, oko kunokumenza azive enetyala, abe nenzondo okanye azive enetyala. akukho trust kubudlelwane.

11. Oku kunokukhokelela ekunciphiseni ukwaneliseka komtshato

Uphando lubonisa ukuba kukho unxibelelwano olubi phakathi kwesondo sangaphambi komtshato kunye nempumelelo yomtshato. Ngokomzekelo, enye isifundo baye bafumanisa ukuba abantu ababenamaqabane amaninzi ngokwesondo ngaphambi kokuba batshate iqhina kusenokwenzeka ukuba baqhawule umtshato kunabo babengenalo elinye okanye elinye kuphela. Ukuba “nembali yesini” ende kunokuzisa imikhwa okanye ulindelo olunokwenzakalisa umtshato wexesha elizayo. Ngelixa lo ingengomgaqo jikelele, luhlobo oluhlala lukhankanywa kwiingxoxo malunga nokulinda vs. ukungalindi.

12. Ityala eliqhubekayo okanye imiba yokuzithemba

Ngaphandle kwetyala elikhawulezileyo, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kunokuba nemiphumo ehlala ixesha elide njenge ukuzijongela phantsi kwabanye abantu. Ukuba ukhuliswe uthelekisa ubunyulu nobunyulu, usenokusokola ukuziva “umdaka” okanye ungafaneleki kangako emva koko, nokuba akuvumelani nengqiqo. Eli hlazo langaphakathi lingahlala kwaye lichaphazele impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nobomi besondo bexesha elizayo. Umzekelo, umntu unokukufumanisa kunzima ukonwabela ubuhlobo obusenyongweni neqabane lakhe kamva kuba emazantsi entliziyo evakalelwa kukuba bonakalise ubunyulu bakhe ngokungalindi.

13. Kunzima ukushiya ubudlelwane obubi

Ukwabelana ngesondo kunokufana neglu ekwenza uzive unamathele kakhulu kulwalamano, nokuba alunampilo. Emva kokuthandana, usenokukufumanisa kunzima ukwahlukana nomntu ongakufanelanga. Abantu ngamanye amaxesha bahlala ubudlelwane obunetyhefu ixesha elide ngenxa yokuba bengafuni “ukumosha” iqhina lokwabelana ngesondo, okanye banexhala lokuba abasayi kuphinda babufumane obo buhlobo. Ngale ndlela, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kunokukwenza kube nzima ukumka xa ubunokwenjenjalo.

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Indlela Yokugqiba Ukuba Ukwabelana Ngesondo Ngaphambi Komtshato Kukulungele

Ukwenza isigqibo malunga nokuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato lukhetho lobuqu olunzulu. Akukho mpendulo ilingana nenye. Kuxhomekeke kumaxabiso akho, iinkolelo, ukulungela ngokweemvakalelo, kunye neemeko zobomi. Kubalulekile ukuvavanya iimbono ezisekelwe elukholweni okanye okulindelekileyo kwinkcubeko ngokuchasene neemvakalelo zakho. Isigqibo kufuneka ekugqibeleni sisekelwe kwinto elungileyo kuwe kunye nobudlelwane bakho. Nazi ezinye izinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele ukuze wenze isigqibo sokuba ukulinda de ube ngumtshato okanye ukungalindi kuyahambelana nesakhelo sokuziphatha kwakho ngcono: 

1. Camngca ngemilinganiselo yakho

Zinike ixesha lokuzihlolisisa ngokunyanisekileyo ngeenkolelo zakho, kungekuphela nje ezenkolo, kodwa nezithethe, nezobuqu. Zibuze ukuba ukwabelana ngesondo ngoku kuhambelana njani nokuziphatha kwakho okanye iimbono ezisekelwe elukholweni. Ukuba ufundiswe ukuba ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato kusisono okanye kusisono, qwalasela enoba uyavumelana kusini na nendlela okuya kukwenza uzive ngayo ukusaphula okanye ukusigcina eso sithethe. 

Indlela okhule ngayo kunye nezithethe zenkcubeko zinokukuchaphazela, kodwa khumbula ukuba olu lukhetho lwakho. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba isigqibo sakho sihambelana nesazela sakho kunye nenqanaba lokuthuthuzela kuya kukunceda uphephe impixano yangaphakathi okanye ukuziva unetyala. Zazi isimo sakho malunga nokhetho lobuqu ngokuchasene nezithethe zemveli kwaye uvumele loo nto ikukhokele ukuze nantoni na ogqiba kuyo, uzive useluxolweni nayo. 

2, Thetha neqabane lakho

Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo Kubalulekile ngaphambi kokuba ube neentlobano zesini. Thetha neqabane lakho malunga nokulindela omnye komnye, imida, kunye nokuba kuthetha ntoni ukwabelana ngesondo kuni nobabini. Qiniseka ukuba ukwiphepha elifanayo malunga nayo. Ngokomzekelo, ngaba nobabini nisijonga isini njengenxalenye eqhelekileyo yokuhlalisana nokusondelana, okanye njengenyathelo elibonisa ukuzibophelela okunzulu? Ukucaciswa koku kubalulekile, ukuze kungabikho namnye kuni oziva engcatshiwe okanye ethathelwe ithuba. Kukwabalulekile ukuba,

• Xoxa ngemida esebenzayo. Ngokomzekelo, abanye abantu abatshatileyo babeka imida efana nasemva kokuba bethembisene ngomtshato okanye hayi de kube kukho izibophelelo ezithile. 
• Cacisa malunga nemvume kunye nentuthuzelo. Usenokuthi, “Kufuneka sivumelane ngento ethethwa sisini kulwalamano lwethu.” 
• Qinisekisa ukuba nobabini niyayihlonipha imida yomnye 

Izibini ezinxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo ngesondo zidla ngokuba nobuhlobo obungcono, enoba zikhetha ukulinda okanye hayi. Unxibelelwano oluhle ngoku luya kuseka ithoni yendlela ojongana ngayo nobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye neengxabano kamva.

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3. Vavanya ukulungela ngokweemvakalelo

Ngaphandle kothando okanye umnqweno womzimba, jonga ukulungela kwakho ngokwengqondo neemvakalelo ukwabelana ngesondo. Ukuthi “ulungile” kuthetha ukuba uziva unqabisekile, ungaxhalabi okanye ucinezelekile, xa ucinga ngokusondelelana. Zibuze ukuba ucinga ngesondo ngezizathu ezifanelekileyo na. Ngaba ndicinga ngokuba neentlobano zesini kuba ndifuna, okanye kuba ndivakalelwa kukuba ‘ndifanele’? Ukuba uziva usoyika, usoyika, okanye unetyala ngokucinga, jonga ukuba kutheni. Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba namajita athile, kodwa ukoyika okuzingileyo okanye ukucinga ukuba “akulunganga” oko kuthetha ukuba awukakulungeli. 

Ukulungela ngokweemvakalelo kukwaquka ukulungiselela iziphumo ezinokubakho: ngaba uya kuziva usondele kwaye ubopheleleke ngakumbi, okanye unokuzisola? Qinisekisa ukuba awuyenzeli ukusombulula ingxaki yobudlelwane okanye ukugcina iqabane lakho likufutshane. Ezo ziiflegi ezibomvu ukuba uthi ewe kwisini ngezizathu ezingalunganga. Kwakhona qwalasela impilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemfuno zobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Ukuba ukhe wanomothuko odlulileyo okanye unemilinganiselo emandla yokuziphatha, ezo kufuneka ziqwalaselwe kuqala. Undoqo: ungaze ulale ngesondo ngenxa yoxinzelelo okanye "njengomsebenzi."

4. Yenza umlinganiselo wemingcipheko kunye nokhuseleko

Ukwabelana ngesondo ithwala uxanduva lokwenene kunye nemingcipheko. Jonga ngeliso elicacileyo iziphumo ezinokwenzeka kunye nendlela oza kuzilawula ngayo. Umbuzo obalulekileyo omele uzibuze wona ngulo: “Ngaba ndikulungele ukujongana nemiphumo engalindelekanga yesini enjengokukhulelwa, izifo ezosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo (STIs), okanye ukungakhululeki neqabane lam?” Ukuba ukhetha ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngokukhuselekileyo akunakuxoxwa. Ukusebenzisa ukhuseleko olufana neekhondom okanye amadama wamazinyo kwaye mhlawumbi indlela ethembekileyo yokulawula ukuzala kuya kukhusela impilo yakho yomzimba kunye nokuchuma kwixesha elizayo. 

Kwangaxeshanye, kufuneka ucinge ngeengozi zeemvakalelo nezobudlelwane. Ngamanye amaxesha ukwabelana ngesondo kunokutshintsha amandla obudlelwane. Kwabanye, kwandisa ubuhlobo obusondeleyo. Kwabanye, kunokudala ukungavisisani okutsha. Qinisekisa ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nikulungele ukuphatha olo tshintsho ekuzibopheleleni nasekuthembekeni. Ngokucwangcisela ukhuseleko, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo, unokwenza ukuba ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato kube lukhetho oluhle, olunenkathalo ukuba ugqiba kwelokuba uqhubeke.

5. Funa ukhokelo ukuba luyafuneka

Ukuba ukrazukile okanye awuqinisekanga, khumbula ukuba akunyanzelekanga ukuba wenze isigqibo uwedwa. Ukufuna iingcebiso kumntu wesithathu othembekileyo kunokunika ingcaciso. Ngokuxhomekeke kwimeko yakho, esi sikhokelo sinokuvela kwinkokeli yezenkolo, onokwabelana ngobulumko bezenkolo ngendlela engagwebiyo, okanye kumcebisi oqeqeshiweyo okanye ingcaphephe enamava ngobudlelwane kunye nemiba yesini. 

Ukuthetha nomcebisi, isibini esikhulileyo esitshatileyo osithembileyo, okanye kwanelungu lentsapho elisondeleyo nabo banokunceda. Basenokungakuniki impendulo ethi “ewe okanye hayi”, kodwa banokukunceda uphonononge iimvakalelo zakho kunye nokhetho lwakho. Kakade ke, iingcebiso zabo zinokukukhokela kuphela. Ekugqibeleni, isigqibo sesakho. Kodwa ukuba uziva udidekile okanye uxhalabile, kulinyathelo lobulumko ukuzabalazela iimbopheleleko. 

FAQs

Iingcinga Final

Uya kuva amabali ahlukeneyo kubantu abohlukeneyo. Omnye usenokuthi, “Ndaba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato yaye oko akuzange bonakalise ubomi bam,” ngoxa omnye usenokunqwenela ukuba ngewayelindile. Ukwenza isigqibo malunga nokuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato yinto yobuqu enzulu. Ukutyhubela imbali nanamhlanje, abanye babambelele ngokuqinileyo ekungabelani ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato, ngoxa abanye bekholelwa ukuba isini ngaphambi komtshato ayisosono ukuba kubudlelwane bothando. Ubonile ukuba kukho izinto ezilungileyo nezingalunganga kumacala omabini. 

Ekugqibeleni, kuya kufuneka ulinganise izinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe, uqikelele kumaxabiso akho, ukulungela kwakho ngokweemvakalelo, kunye nohlobo lobudlelwane obufunayo. Akukho mpendulo yobukhulu obunye-ilingana-yonke apha. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba wena neqabane lakho nizive nihlonitshiwe, nikhululekile, kwaye nikwiphepha elinye. Nokuba uyazilandela iimbono zamaKristu ngesondo ngaphambi komtshato okanye wenze eyakho imithetho, qiniseka ukuba ukhetho luyahambelana noko ufuna ngokwenene kwaye uyakholelwa.

Izinto ezi-18 ezibaluleke kakhulu kubudlelwane

Indlela yokugcina uBudlelwane obuchulumancisayo kwaye bunika umdla ixesha elide

Iindidi ezahlukeneyo zomtsalane kunye nendlela yokuzibona

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

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