Ukuba ngumama okanye Umsebenzi? Umzabalazo wabasetyhini phakathi komsebenzi kunye noSapho

Amabhongo okuba ngumama kunye nekhondo lomsebenzi ngumlo ongayekiyo. Olu ngquzulwano lujamelene namawaka amabhinqa njengoko esilwa neemvakalelo ezahlukahlukeneyo. Kuba kungekho 'sisombululo' okanye 'ifomula', akukho khetho lulungileyo apha.

Yiloo nto kanye ayithethayo uCandace Alnaji: “Awungomama umbi kuba uya emsebenzini yonke imihla.Kwangokunjalo nawe, awungomntu ongaphumeleliyo kuba wawushiya ngokupheleleyo umsebenzi wakho.Ukhetho malunga nomsebenzi nosapho lulolwakhe – akukho ndlela ilingana ngayo yonke.Nabani na okuxelela ngenye indlela akalunganga.”

Mhlawumbi ulindele umntwana, okanye ungumama omtsha. Mhlawumbi ungumama omtsha oza kuqalisa umsebenzi kwakhona okanye umama osandul’ ukuyeka umsebenzi wakhe. Nokuba imeko yakho injani, ndilapha ngebali eliya kukunika imbono oyifunayo. Masiqale kunye uhambo, kwaye sibone indlela abanye abaye bahamba ngayo ezihlangwini zethu ngaphambili.

UbuMama Okanye Umsebenzi? Ukukhetha Phakathi Komntwana kunye Nomsebenzi

Ndandizibuza ukuba ndingasebenzisana njani nale ngxaki abasetyhini abaninzi emhlabeni jikelele abajongene nayo. Kwaye undikholelwe xa ndisithi bendilahlekile. Oku de ndadibana noJay. Ukubaleka ngempazamo, umhlobo wethu sobabini sabelana, kunye nokukhwela uloliwe ukubuyela ekhaya. Ndandisazi ukuba leliphi ibali endiza kulibalisa, kwaye ndiza kulibalisa njani. Amazwi akhe andichukumisa, yaye ngamazwi akhe ndandiza kuyibhala le ngxelo.

Isiqingatha esingcono sikaJay sidlule kwingxaki efanayo ojongene nayo: ukukhetha phakathi komntwana kunye nomsebenzi. Naye wayesele ekhathazekile, enomsindo, ethule yaye ekwamkelekile. Nali ibali eliphonononga ukuba ngumama kunye nomsebenzi, kunye nayo yonke into eziswa yile ngxabano.

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“Ebesoyika ukuba ukukhulelwa kunokuphazamisana nomsebenzi wakhe”

Ndalinda iyure yonke ngaphandle kwekholeji yaseMithibai ukuze ndimazise iindaba kuye. Ngoxa ndandibambe iingxelo zegazi lomfazi wam endandizifumene kwangaloo mini, ndalinda ngomonde ngoxa wayephulaphule intetho eyayiphakathi ekhampasini.

Ngaphambilana, wayekhalaze ngokuba nesiyezi nokudinwa, kodwa wayeqinisekile ukuba akakhulelwanga. Wathi xa ephuma saza saya ngaseteksini, ndamxelela ukuba inkolelo yakhe (yokungakhulelwa) ayinasihlahla. Uye wandijonga engakholwa wahamba ecaleni kwam ethule engandibambanga ngesandla sinqumla isitalato. Ebelahlekile kwezongcinga.

Kwanangaphambi kokuba afudukele kwigumbi lam eSion, sasikhe sathetha lo amaxesha amaninzi. Nangona sasithandana kakhulu, wayeyibeke yacaca into yokuba akamfuni umntwana. Wayeyintatheli kwaye esoyika ukuba ukukhulelwa kunokuphazamisa umsebenzi wakhe, okanye kude kuwutshabalalise ngokupheleleyo. Ukhetho lwakhe phakathi kokuba ngumama okanye umsebenzi wawucacile.

Sathatha zonke iintlobo zokhuseleko. Ngelixa ndandisoloko ndisebenzisa ikhondom, wayekwipilisi. Kodwa njengoko bethetha, isondo siyamangalisa: ngamanye amaxesha awukwazi ukuthatha amanyathelo okhuseleko. Akunakwenzeka ukuxhathisa isilingo ukuba awunayo ikhondom kwindawo ekufutshane. Kwakhona, njengoko siye safumanisa, ikhondom ebuthathaka ayinakuthenjwa ngokupheleleyo nayo.

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“Yayingasengomdlalo”

Ndandimane ndithenga ipakethi yepregnancy kits athathe uvavanyo. Yayiluhlobo oluthile lomdlalo esasiqale ukuwonwabela. Noko ke, ngenye imini, yayingasengomdlalo. Asizange sicinge ukuba kuya kufuneka enze ukhetho phakathi kokuba ngumama okanye umsebenzi.

Ngenye imini, salibala ukulahla intonga. Umzuzu okanye emibini kamva, ndabona umgca wesibini otyhafileyo kwiphaneli yesalathisi. Ndamxelela kwangoko. “Masiphinde sizame kwakhona, hamba uze nezinye izixhobo zokukhulelwa,” wabuza. Ndahamba ndimphathele I pregnancy kits ezintandathu ezohlukeneyo. Ababini kubo babonise iziphumo ezilungileyo, ezimbini azicacanga, kwaye ezinye ezimbini zinike iziphumo ezingalunganga.

Umhlobo uye wasicebisa ukuba senze uvavanyo lwegazi, ngokucacileyo indlela eqinisekileyo yokuqinisekisa ukukhulelwa. Ngenxa yocwangciso lwakhe oluxakekileyo, sakwazi ukwenza uvavanyo lwegazi kwiiveki nje ezimbini kamva. Kwaye emva kweentsuku ezintathu, safumana ingxelo entle.

Kwangaloo mini, sagqiba kwelokuba sibonane nogqirha ongaphesheya kwendlela ukusuka ekholejini. Ngelixa sasifuna idinga nogqirha, kwakusele kudlule iiveki ezimbini yaye wayesele engayi exesheni. Yena wayefuna ukukhupha isisu. Ngale nto, kuya kufuneka siye kwikliniki yabucala.

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“Sive isandi sokubetha kwentliziyo”

Emva kweveki, sagqiba kwelokuba siye komnye ugqirha. Ngeli xesha, umfazi wam wayesele ekwiveki yesithandathu yokukhulelwa kwaye ugqirha wamcebisa ukuba enze i-ultrasound. “Umntwana wakho unentliziyo ebethayo, yimamele, uze ubuyele kum,” watsho ugqirha.

Kwiintsuku ezintlanu kamva, sabuyela kwisibhedlele saseLilavati ukuze sityandwe. Seva isandi sentliziyo ebethayo. Yayingxola, icacile kwaye ikhawuleza kunokubetha kwentliziyo okuqhelekileyo okuye ngqo my intliziyo. Emva kwe-ultrasound, ndamxelela ukuba andinakukwazi ukunyamezela loo ntliziyo ibethayo. Wayezama ukukhetha phakathi kokuba ngumama okanye umsebenzi kodwa ingqondo yam yayihlala ibuyela kweso sandi se-wish-woosh sivela kumatshini we-ultrasound.

Ugqirha wayecace gca ukuba akufuneki ukuba aphelise ukukhulelwa kokuqala kuba kunokudala imiba yezonyango emva koko. Bekufanele senze isigqibo ngokukhawuleza kuba ukulibaziseka kunokukhokelela ekubeni nobomi bomfazi wam bube sesichengeni. Wayethe cwaka kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ezizayo, esenza imisebenzi yakhe yemihla ngemihla. Mhlawumbi wayenexhala ukwenza iimpazamo njengomzali.

Ndandimbona ukuba unengxaki phakathi kokukhetha umntwana nomsebenzi wakhe. Wayekulangazelela kakhulu ukuba semsebenzini kuba ukunyuselwa kwakhe kwakusemnyango. Ukuhlala nje ekhaya nokonga usana yayingeyonkcazelo yakhe 'yobomi obunenjongo'.

Kwakusele kudlule intsuku ezintlanu ethe cwaka, ndaqonda ukuba mandiyiqalise incoko. Emva kokuba ndiqalise incoko, watyhila ukuba wayengekasenzi sigqibo phakathi kokuba ngumama nomsebenzi. Kamva, ndaya kugqirha owayekuchase ngokupheleleyo ukuqhomfa.

Ndafowunela nosisi wakhe omdala ndamxelela nge pregnancy. Washumayela “iindaba ezilungileyo” kubo bonke abanye kwintsapho yabo. Yakhala ifown yomfazi wam into engapheliyo. Uphendule uninzi lwezo fowuni kwii-monosyllables ngaphambi kokuxhoma ngelixa ethembisa ukubiza wonke umntu, angazange ayenze. Ngelo xesha, laliphelile ixesha lokuqhomfa okukhuselekileyo. Nakuphi na ukulibaziseka okungaphaya kunokukhokelela kwiingxaki zempilo kumama.

"Icebo lam lokugqibela, mama wam..."

Ekugqibeleni ndade ndagqibezela ukucofa inombolo kamama. Wayesisigulana somhlaza engazange abuze nto kumkam. Andizange ndimve umfazi wam esithi 'hayi' nakumama. Babeneqhina eliphilileyo yaye behlonelana.

Umama, owayegula kakhulu ukuba angahamba, wacela umfazi wam ukuba ambone eyedwa eKolkata. Kwiintsuku ezintlanu kamva, iqabane lam elalikhulelwe labhabha. Wabuya emva kweveki – ekhazimla, encumile kwaye ebuyela kubudala bakhe. Uye wabhengeza - kakhulu eluvuyo lwam - ukuba uza kubeleka umntwana kwaye alawule nomsebenzi. Leyo mhlawumbi yayiyeyona mini yolonwabo ebomini bam (kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo yayingonwabanga ngaphezu komhla wokuzalwa komntwana wethu).

Njengoko iintsuku neeveki zaziqengqeleka, kuye kwasiba nzima ngakumbi ukuba umfazi wam adibanise phakathi komsebenzi wakhe nokukhulelwa kwakhe kwaye izinto zazisiba nzima endleleni (ibali elahlukileyo lolunye usuku). Ebengafane afumane naliphi na ixesha lam yena ngokwakhe. Kwiveki yokuqala ka-Agasti 2012, umama wanditsalela umnxeba ngo-10 PM. Wandinqwenelela ithamsanqa umntwana wandixelela ukuba ufuna ukumamela ilizwi lam okokugqibela. Emva kwemizuzu emibini, waphelelwa ngumoya.

NgoFebruwari 6, 2013, unyana wam wazalwa. Oko kwadlula phakathi komfazi wam nomama kuyimfihlo yokuthandana. Kodwa nantsi into ayenzayo ngeke share:

Ngamazwi kamama: ukuba ngumama okanye umsebenzi?

Isigqibo sokuba nomntwana asinakuze sibe lula. Yonke into iyatshintsha; ubuchwephesha bakho, bomntu, nobomi bomtshato. Usana luya kukugcina kude kubomi bakho bokusebenza obusebenzayo ubuncinci beenyanga ezintandathu. Ukukhulelwa kwakho kuya kuthoba ngelixa oogxa bakho baya kuqhubeka bebaleka ngesantya esifanayo, ukuba akukhawulezi, kubomi babo bobugcisa.

Sithetha ngokulinganisa aba babini kunye nokusebenza ngokukhulelwa kodwa buza nawuphi na umama kwaye uya kukuxelela ukuba kunzima kangakanani. Ngexesha elithile, kufuneka wenze ukhetho - nokuba ngumntwana okanye ubomi bakho bomsebenzi. Pha is okunene akukho sikali.

"Ukubeka phambili ukuzikhathalela kubalulekile kubasetyhini abajongana nemiceli mngeni yomsebenzi kunye nokuba ngumama."

Kwiinyanga ezintathu zokugqibela ezikhokelela ekuzalweni, kunye nezinye iinyanga ezintathu emva koko, kuyanyanzeleka ukuba utshintshe ugxininiso lwakho kubomi bakho bobugcisa ukuze ugxile kusana kuphela. Ugqiba kunye nowangaphambili phakathi koomama okanye umsebenzi.

Xa ekugqibeleni ukulungele ukubuyela emsebenzini ngokunzulu, isigqibo sifika njengesibetha isazela sakho. Umntwana wakho uxhomekeke ekuncanciseni kwaye ngoku kuya kufuneka asele ebhotileni ngelixa ungekho emsebenzini. Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni weemvakalelo xa usana lukhalela ubisi lwakho kodwa ukulungele ukuya emsebenzini ngomzuzu okanye emibini.

Emva koko udlakazwe ngamathandabuzo amakhulu okuba umntwana ukhathalelwe ngokufanelekileyo na xa ungekho. Ukufika kosana kutshintsha yonke into kubomi bukanina, yaye into yokuqala enokuba lixhoba bubomi balo bomsebenzi.

Andizange ndisebenze rhoqo oko umntwana wam wazalwa. Andikwazi ukubuyela kumsebenzi wam omdala okanye isikhundla, ubuncinane hayi ngokukhawuleza. Noko ke, usana lwam luye lwandinika uvuyo olukhulu. Ulihlabathi liphela kum. Kodwa ndizakube ndiyaxoka xa ndisithi andizisoli ngokukhetha umsebenzi nomntwana.

(Amagama atshintshiwe ukukhusela isazisi)

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Iingcinga Final

Ingxaki “yokuba ngumama okanye ikhondo lomsebenzi” ngumba ontsonkothileyo oneempembelelo ezibalulekileyo kuluntu noqoqosho. Ngokucela umngeni kwiindima zesini zesiNtu, ukukhuthaza ukuguquguquka kwendawo yokusebenza, kunye nokubonelela ngeenkqubo zenkxaso ezaneleyo, sinokuxhobisa abasetyhini ukuba baphumelele kubomi babo bobugcisa kunye nobuqu. Abacebisi bethu babonelela ngenkxaso kunye nesikhokelo sokujongana neenkxalabo ezinxulumene nokuqhubela phambili kwekhondo lomsebenzi, ukuzinyamekela, kunye nokuphumeza ukulingana komsebenzi wobomi bomsebenzi. Cwangcisa ukubonisana namhlanje.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.