Ukuvutha kobudlelwane: Izizathu, imiqondiso kunye neengcebiso zokoyisa

Xa uphuma ebhedini kwaye ubeke uncumo ebusweni bakho kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, ngokwendalo uya kuzama ukufumana inkuthazo kwiqabane lakho. Kodwa xa ingcinga nje yokuthetha nabo ikwenza unkwantye yaye uphelelwe lithemba, usenokudinwa kulwalamano lwakho.

Hayi, ayilogama nje elimnandi xa umntu “eziva eblue”. Xa ishiywe ingathintelwanga, ukudinwa kubudlelwane kunokuba ngunobangela omkhulu wokuxhalaba, okukhokelela kwimo ebonakala ihleli yesiphithiphithi, ukuphelelwa lithemba, ukuxhalaba, okanye ukungonwabi, phakathi kwezinye iimpawu ezininzi. 

Okoko ukushiya kungakhange kuqwalaselwe kufana nokutyikitya isatifikethi sokufa kubudlelwane bakho, ukusixilonga kunye nokucinga ukuba wenze ntoni kubaluleke kakhulu. Ngoncedo lwe-psychotherapist UGqr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ogxile ekucebiseni ubudlelwane kunye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy, makhe sijonge ngqo ukuba yintoni kwaye yintoni umntu anokuyenza malunga nokudinwa kobudlelwane.

Kuthetha ukuthini “Ukuvutha kobudlelwane”?

Ke, ngaba kukho into efana nokudinwa kubudlelwane, okanye ngaba usuka nje ukwindawo embi? Ungafuna ukukholelwa ukuba yeyokugqibela, kodwa kuba “iindawo ezirhabaxa” azihlali ixesha elide ngokwaneleyo ukuze uzive uvaleleke ngokungenathemba, usenokuba ujongene nenye into ebaluleke ngakumbi. 

Hayi, umlo omnye awubonisi imeko enjalo. Kwaye hayi, ngenxa yokuba omnye wenu ucele indawo yobuqu akuthethi ukuba ubudlelwane buqhubekile. Ngamafutshane, ukudinwa yimeko yokuziva usonganyelwe kwaye udiniwe ngenxa yokuba phantsi kwexesha elide loxinzelelo kunye nokungonwabi.

Ukudinwa kobudlelwane kwenzeka xa iqhina lakho liguquka ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo, kwaye elinye iqabane okanye omabini asenokungabi nathemba ngezinto ezinokuphinda zijonge phezulu. Usenokuziva ukuba impilo yakho yengqondo iyasokola ngenxa yokuba kobu budlelwane, nto leyo eyona nto ibangela ukudinwa.

Ukuchaza intsingiselo yokudinwa kobudlelwane, Dr. Bhonsle ithi, “Ngokusisiseko yimeko yokudinwa, edityaniswe nemvakalelo yokungabi nathemba.Kusisijikelezo esibi.Ukudinwa kukhokelela ekuphelelweni lithemba, nto leyo ekhokelela ekudinweni ngakumbi.Bathanda ukondla amandla omnye nomnye.Ukudinwa kulwalamano kudla ngokubangela umdla ngakumbi ekubeni ukuhlola unobangela wokudinwa kunokuvelisa izizathu ezininzi.

"Zininzi izizathu zokuba kutheni ubudlelwane bunokudinwa endaweni yokuba bube mnandi kuwe, kwaye kukho uluhlu olungapheliyo lwento ebizwa ngokuba yityhefu. Iimbangela zokudinwa kubudlelwane zinokuba yinto ebambekayo, kwaye ayinakwenziwa ngokubanzi." 

Njengoko uGqr. Bhonsle ebonisa, la mava axhomekeke kakhulu kumntu ngamnye kunye nentshukumo nganye. Iimpawu zokudinwa kubudlelwane bakho zinokwahluka ubukhulu becala kwezomnye, kwaye ukungaziqondi kakuhle kunokukhokelela ekubeni ungawuqondi nokuba yintoni eyona ngxaki. Yiloo nto kanye umntu kufuneka alumkele imvakalelo yobuxoki yokudinwa kobudlelwane.

Lumka kwimvakalelo yobuxoki yokuvutha kobudlelwane 

"Ukuba uhamba ngezihlangu ezinodaka kuzo, uya kuqokelela ukungcola okuninzi endleleni. Ke ukuba sele uphantsi konyanzeliso, unokugxeka ngobuxoki ngenxa yokudinwa okanye ukudinwa kubudlelwane. Mhlawumbi awuzange ufumane olo nyuso obululandelayo, mhlawumbi usapho lwakho lukucinezela ngento ethile, mhlawumbi uzibeke kumbindi.

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ngoko, ngaphambi kokuba ukhawuleze ucinge into enjengokuthi “ulwalamano lwam luyanditshisa,” qonda ukuba imeko yakho yengqondo isenokuba ibangelwa zezinye izinto ezininzi ezenzeka ebomini bakho.

Wazi njani ukuba udiniwe bubudlelwane bakho? Ukugxeka imeko yakho yokungazithembi ukungonwabi ubudlelwane isenokungabi yeyona ngcamango ilungileyo, ngakumbi ukuba oko kuthetha ukuba iingxaki ezingakumbi aziyi kubonwa. Iimpawu zokudinwa kobudlelwane zibonakala ngeendlela ezininzi kunye nezigaba ezi-5 ezahlukeneyo, yiyo loo nto ukuzixilonga rhoqo kunokuba bubuxoki. 

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Amanqanaba obudlelwane obuvuthayo

Njengaso nasiphi na isifo, ubunzulu bokudinwa buqhubela phambili ngokwamanqanaba. Ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kuhamba ngamanqanaba amahlanu ahlukeneyo. Enyanisweni, zonke iintlobo zokudinwa zidlula kula manqanaba mahlanu, nokuba kukwimekobume yobungcali, okanye nayiphi na enye into yobomi. Cinga ngokudinwa okutsha kulwalamano njengokudinwa okungapheliyo. Ukuqonda ezi zigaba kunokunceda umntu abone iimpawu zokuqala kunye nezizathu, kwaye awuphelise umba kwi-bud.

1. Isigaba sehoneymoon

Sihlala sisondela kwinto entsha ngamandla amatsha, ukuqiniseka, kunye nokuzinikela. Kwakhona sifumana umgangatho ophezulu wokwaneliseka. Cinga ngomsebenzi omtsha okanye ulwalamano olutsha. Sifuna ukunika ngakumbi kwaye sibe namava olonwabo nokuba neembuyekezo ezincinci.

Kodwa olunye uxinezeleko lulindelekile nakweli nqanaba. Ukufuna ukubeka unyawo lwakho phambili kumhla wakho omtsha, ukunika ixesha elingakumbi kunokuba unokukwazi, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukukhupha kwezinye izibophelelo - le yimizekelo embalwa yezinto zoxinzelelo kwisigaba se-honeymoon. Ukudinwa okutsha kobudlelwane kunokuba nzima ukuba umntu akalubambi uxinzelelo olutsha lobudlelwane xa bukhula.

2. Ukuqala koxinzelelo

Ngelixa uxinzelelo sele luqalile kwinqanaba lokugqibela, umntu osebudlelwaneni akazange abonakale ekhathazwa yiyo kwaye wayithatha ngokukhawuleza ngokutshintshiselana nemivuzo eyonwabisayo. Kodwa ukuqala kwenqanaba loxinzelelo kukuqala kokuqonda ukuba kukho uxinzelelo lobudlelwane.

Ukudinwa kubudlelwane kwakhona kungqina ukuqala okungaqhelekanga kodwa okubonakalayo. Awudinwa nyani liqabane lakho kweli nqanaba, kodwa ngokungaqhelekanga unokuziva uxinzelelo lokugcina ubudlelwane.

3. Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo

Eli nqanaba liphawulwa ngokuvela rhoqo koxinzelelo. Umahluko omkhulu phakathi kweli nqanaba lokudinwa kobudlelwane kunye nelokugqibela kukuqina kunye nokuphindaphinda. Kweli nqanaba, uxinzelelo luvakala njengobukho obuzingileyo ebomini bakho. Uziva ungenamdla kangako kubudlelwane bakho kunye nekamva labo rhoqo kunokuba ubusenza ngaphambili. Kangangokuba, udinwa liqabane lakho kwaye ube namava okuphelelwa lithemba.

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4. Ukudinwa ngokugqithiseleyo

Eli nqanaba kuxa unokubiza ngokusemthethweni uxinzelelo lwakho "ukudinwa kobudlelwane". Izehlo kunye nokuqina koxinzelelo kuyahambelana kangangokuba uzive ungakhululekanga kakhulu kunye nokuxhathisa kubudlelwane bakho. Uxinzelelo lufikelela kumanqanaba abalulekileyo kweli nqanaba, kwaye kuya kuba nzima ngakumbi ukungahoyi iimvakalelo kunye neempawu. Uziva ungakhuthazi kakhulu kubudlelwane, nto leyo eyenza kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuzityhala ekufuneni inkxaso yobuchwephesha.

5. Ukudinwa ngokwesiqhelo

Ukudinwa okuqhelekileyo kuphawulwa ziimvakalelo ezigqithisileyo nezingapheliyo zokungoneliseki kunye noxinzelelo olusuka kubudlelwane bomntu ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lokuba lube ngaphezu kokwenzeka rhoqo kwaye kufanele kubonwe njengophawu olulumkisayo lobudlelwane obusengxakini. Kweli nqanaba, umntu akanako kwaphela ukukuthatha lula ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kwaye kufuneka abeke phambili ukujongana nako ukunqanda ukudakumba okukhulu kunye ixhala lobudlelwane.

Yintoni Ebangela Ukudinwa Kobudlelwane? 

Ngoku uyayazi impendulo ethi, “Ingaba ikhona into efana nokudinwa kubudlelwane?”, qonda intsingiselo yokudinwa kubudlelwane, kwaye uqhelene namanqanaba ahlukeneyo okudinwa, unokuba nomdla wokwazi ukuba yintoni enokubangela oko. Nangona izizathu zingaguquguquki kutshintsho ngalunye, uGqr. Bhonsle unceda ukubalatha oonobangela abambalwa abaqhelekileyo bokudinwa kubudlelwane: 

1. Xa wawungakhange ujonge ubudlelwane kwasekuqaleni 

Ukuba ubungaqinisekanga ngokupheleleyo malunga nokuguquguquka kwakho okanye utsibe kuyo kuba kubonakala ngathi licebo elilungileyo, usenokuba uye waqonda ngokukhawuleza ukuba uzibeke ebugxwayibeni. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Izibini ezininzi eziselula zitshiseka ngokukhawuleza ngenxa yokuba zingaqondi ukuba azikakulungeli ukuzibophelela ngolo hlobo ngoxa zingena kulwalamano lomtshato.” Njengendlela yokufumanisa okanye yokuhlakulela ubuntu obuthile njengesini, zisenokungaqondi kakuhle into yokuba ukufunda kukuthanda nothando,” utsho uGqr.

Xa uzifumana ukwimeko obungazange ufune ukuba kuyo, usenokuziva uvaleleke ngokukhawuleza. Zibuze ukuba ukuzinikela bekuyile nto ubuyifuna okanye intabatheko ikwenze wangakwazi ukwenza izigqibo.

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2. Ukudinwa kubudlelwane kunokubangelwa xa uyeka ukuzisebenzela

Hayi, oyena nobangela ayiloqabane lakho okanye iimeko ezinzima ojongene nazo. Zibuze, ngaba uye waneliseka ngoguqulelo oluthile lwakho? Ngaba ukusebenza kubuntu bakho yinto oyenze ekholejini kuphela? “Imeko yokuqhelana ngokugqithisileyo idla ngokubamba xa omabini amaqabane eyekile ukuzisebenzela.Abantu abaninzi baba ngamaxhoba esi sifo ukungakhathali kubudlelwane babo, ngakumbi emva komtshato. 

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Basenokutyeba kakhulu, bayeke ukufuna ukubonakala, bayeke ukukhathalela impilo yabo ngokwasengqondweni nasemzimbeni.” Ekuphela kwento efunekayo kukungayi kwindawo yokuzivocavoca umzimba ukuze ujike ube ngumkhwa. 

3. Ukutshintsha kwemilinganiselo yakho kusenokuba netyala 

Xa intloko phezu izithende umntu, mhlawumbi awucingi malunga apho uya kuba kule minyaka ilishumi izayo kunye nabo. Kulungile, mhlawumbi sele ucinge ngohambo oluninzi oluya e-Itali kunye nabo iminyaka emihlanu ezantsi emgceni, kodwa oko kusecaleni kwenqaku. Mhlawumbi amaxabiso enu atshintshile oko nikunye, okanye iinjongo zenu zekamva azizange zihambelane kwasekuqaleni.

Yintoni ebangela ukudinwa kubudlelwane? Izimvo ezahlukeneyo zingumngcipheko oqinisekileyo. “Kuzo zonke iiequation, unemilinganiselo elungeleleneyo kwaye ezinye azivumelaniyo.Kodwa xa ufuna izinto ezahluke kakhulu ebomini – mhlawumbi akafuni bantwana okanye akafuni kutshata – oko kunokukhokelela kwimeko yokudinwa kobudlelwane,” utsho uGqr. Bhonsle.

4. Ivathi yenkunkuma enetyhefu ebhalwe “ubudlelwane bakho”

Ekubeni isizathu esibhalwe kakuhle sokudinwa lixesha elide loxinzelelo okanye ukungonwabi, a ubudlelwane obunetyhefu uphakathi koonobangela abaphambili bokudinwa kubudlelwane. Yintoni ebaluleke ngakumbi ukuba uqaphele, nangona kunjalo, yinto yokuba ubutyhefu kulo lonke ubudlelwane bunokwahluka. Ukubonakaliswa okunintsi kotshintsho oluyityhefu kunokwenza kube nzima ukuyibona, yiyo loo nto kubaluleke kakhulu ukufumanisa ukuba yintoni eyibangelayo. 

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Iimpawu ezi-5 eziqhelekileyo zokuvutha kobudlelwane 

Ukuba kukho naziphi na izizathu eziye zabetha kufutshane nekhaya, kunokwenzeka ukuba unexhala malunga nokuba kuza ntoni na kwi-equation yakho neqabane lakho. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba iimpawu zokudinwa kobudlelwane sele ziwonakalisa amandla akho, ngaphandle kokuba uyiqonde? Ke, wazi njani ukuba udiniwe kubudlelwane bakho?

Ngaba yonke into ethethwa liqabane lakho ikwenza ukhuphe amehlo akho ngokungazithandiyo? Ngaba ujonge phambili kuhambo lwabo lweshishini ukuya kwelinye ilizwekazi ngakumbi kunokuba benjalo? Mhlawumbi, ekuphela kwento oyifunayo ngasese kukubaleka kodwa awufuni kukwamkela. Makhe sijonge iimpawu eziqhelekileyo zokudinwa kobudlelwane, ukuze ungaqhubeki uzikhohlisa ngokukholelwa ukuba ukwindawo embi kwaye impelaveki nikunye iya kulungisa yonke into:

1. Ukungafuni ukuchitha ixesha kunye neqabane

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ukukhetha ukuba kunye naye nabani na ngaphandle kweqabane lakho kuluphawu olucacileyo lokuba kukho undonakele.” Mhlawumbi ukhe wacinga ngokuthandana, okanye ngequbuliso uye wasondelelana kakhulu nomntu owayesakuba ngumlilo,” utsho uGqr. 

Nangona unokuba ubaleka ngabom ekwamkeleni le nyani, usenokuba sele uphepha iifowuni zeqabane lakho, usoyika ukuba umlo uza kulandela ngalo mzuzu ubambayo. Ukuba uziva uvaleleke kubudlelwane bakho, thatha ikhefu leentsuku ezimbalwa kwaye ubone ukuba ikwenza uzive njani. Ukuba lonke elo xesha lilodwa likwenza wonwabe ngakumbi kunobudlelwane bakho mva nje, lunokuba luphawu olukhulu lokudinwa kobudlelwane.

2. Uziqaphele iimpawu zokudinwa ngokugqithiseleyo 

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Usenokungaqhubi kakuhle emsebenzini wakho, uxhalabele ikamva nomsebenzi wakho, usenokuziva uphelelwe lithemba, uvaleleke, yaye uzithandabuza kakhulu. Ewe, oyena nobangela wazo zonke ezi mpawu unokuba yinto enye ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho, kodwa amathuba okuba, sele uyazi kakuhle ukuba iqabane lakho likunika inkxaso oyifunayo okanye liyayenza mandundu impilo yakho yengqondo. 

3. Ukuzama "ukuthetha phandle" akusebenzi 

Naluphi na ulwalamano, olusempilweni okanye olungekho, lunyanzelekile ukuba lube neengxaki. Kodwa umahluko phakathi kokuguquguquka okunempilo kunye nokungeyiyo yindlela osebenza ngayo kwiingxaki. Isibakala nje sokuba isibini sinokukwazi ukuba nencoko enemveliso ngemibandela echukumisayo sinokwanela ukusilondoloza. Kwelinye icala, ukuba ukuhlala phantsi ukuba nentliziyo-to-intliziyo kuphela iziphumo zokulwa ngakumbi kwaye ivalwe akhawunti kumajelo eendaba zentlalo, isenokuba luphawu oluqaqambileyo ubudlelwane ukudinwa. 

4. Iimvakalelo ngathi ziyafa

Ewe, ingcamango edlalwa ngokugqithisileyo ye "Intlantsi" yokufa kubudlelwane idla ngokubonisa ukuba kukho ingxaki. Iimpawu zokuncipha kwentlantsi zinokubonakala kunzima ukuzibona, ngakumbi ukuba ukungakhathali kukubambe ngokuqinileyo kuni nobabini. Akukhathaliseki nokuba uneminyaka elishumi utshatile okanye kubudlelwane unyaka, akufanele uzive ngathi ukuqhubeka nobudlelwane bakho kungumsebenzi onzima kunomzamo onomdla. 

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5. Izicwangciso zexesha elizayo azixoxwa

Xa i-subconscious yakho icwangcisa ngokufihlakeleyo indlela yokusaba, mhlawumbi awuyi kuba neengxoxo ezinemveliso kakhulu malunga nekamva. Nobabini ningakuphepha ukuthetha ngayo, okanye niphendule ngamagama angacacanga xa nibuzwa ngeenjongo zenu zekamva. Zibuze ukuba unokuzibona ngokwenene kunye neqabane lakho iminyaka eyi-10 phantsi komgca. Ukuba ikwenza ungonwabi okanye ube nexhala elincinci, kuya kufuneka uphinde uphonononge izinto ezimbalwa. 

Ukuqonda ukuba into onayo neqabane lakho iyaguquguquka inokukwenza ube novalo. Mhlawumbi utyale ixesha elininzi kuyo, kwaye ukuyeka kusenokungabi yingcinga ozimisele ukuyonwabisa, nokuba ingqondo etshileyo yenza kube nzima kuwe ukuba usebenze. Kodwa yiyo kanye loo nto siye sacela uncedo lukaGqr. Bhonsle ukuba akuxelele ukuba uhambo lokubuyela kwimeko yokudinwa yinto enye onokuyiqala kwangoko, kwaye kufuneka wenze ntoni apha endleleni. 

Iingcebiso ezi-7 zokuPhilisa ukuvutha kobudlelwane 

Ngaphambi kokuba uhlolisise iingcebiso zokuzama nokugcina ubudlelwane bakho, qiniseka ukuba ufuna ukuyenza kwasekuqaleni. Ukwazi xa kufuneka nahlukane for good idla ngokuba ngumcimbi wokuvuthulula ukukhanyela nokufunda umbhalo oseludongeni obukujongile ebusweni ixesha elide ngoku. 

Into yokugqibela onokuyifuna kukugcina ubudlelwane bakho ngokuncama impilo yakho yengqondo. Xa sele kuthethiwe, makhe sijonge indlela onokuthi uqalise ngayo kuhambo lwakho lokufumana kwakhona ukudinwa: 

1. Hlanganisa amajoni kwaye uthethe omnye nomnye 

Nokuba kukudinwa kubudlelwane obude okanye ukudinwa ngenxa yeengxabano eziqhubekayo, eyona nto ibalulekileyo onokuyenza kukuphucula umgangatho wonxibelelwano lwakho. “Thetha neqabane lakho ngento ebangela ukuba nidinwe ngokugqithiseleyo.” Kufuneka nifune inkxaso noncedo lomnye komnye kwiinkalo ezahlukahlukeneyo zolwalamano.

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Xa wonzakele elunyaweni, ubungathanda ukuba umntu othile akuncede akubeke esitulweni.

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2. Iingcebiso zinganceda ukulwa nokudinwa kubudlelwane

“Unxibelelwano lusenokungenzeki ngokupheleleyo ukuba iqabane lakho liyacaphuka okanye libe buhlungu xa nizama ukuba nengxoxo.Kwezo meko, kuhle ukwenza oko ngomlamli.Eso sizathu sisisiseko sokuba kukho ukululekwa ngolwalamano.Umcebisi uya kukwazi ukutolika ulwazi aze alubonise kuwe.

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Iqabane lakho lisenokukulungela ngakumbi ukuncokola yaye lisenokuqonda ukuba ezinye izinto beziluchaphazela ngakumbi ulwalamano kunokuba belicinga. Ukuba ufuna uncedo, ungasoloko ufikelela kuye nabaphi na abacebisi abanamava Iphaneli yeengcali zeBonobology, ongathanda ukukunceda kwiingxaki zakho zobudlelwane. 

3. Funda ulwimi olutsha: ulwimi lothando lweqabane lakho

“Ukusa kumlinganiselo othile, ukuqonda i iintlobo ezintlanu zothando iilwimi Inokukunceda nobabini ukuba niphile kubudlelwane obudinwayo. Kukuziqhelanisa nokubuza iqabane lakho, “Ungathanda ndiziphathe njani xa ndikufutshane nawe?” okanye “Ungathanda ukuba ndiyilungise njani kwakhona indlela endikungqongileyo ngayo?”.

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Kusenokunceda iqabane lakho lazi ukuba amazwi owathethayo awathethi nje kuba ethetha nje, kodwa eneneni uthetha into oyithethayo.” Ngokuyazi indlela abanxibelelana ngayo yaye baluqonda ngayo uthando, unokutyala izinto eziya kuyichaza ngokucacileyo indlela ovakalelwa ngayo,” utsho uGqr. 

Nokuba uziva ngathi ubudlelwane bomgama omde akunakwenzeka ukulungisa, amagama ambalwa okuqinisekisa anokukunceda nje nobabini. UGqr. Bhonsle usixelela ukuba abantu abaninzi abathethi kwaye baziveze ngendlela amaqabane abo aqonda ngayo, nto leyo enokubangela ukuphoxeka, ukuqhawuka konxibelelwano ngokweemvakalelo, kunye nemiba iyanda.

4. Funda ubugcisa bokusombulula impixano

Njengoko unokutsho ngoku, unokufunda okuthile ukwenza ukuba ujonge ukuphilisa ukudinwa kubudlelwane. Ukuba ubulindele ukuba kube lula, mhlawumbi zizinto ozilindeleyo ekufuneka uzilawule (ezinokunceda ubudlelwane bakho, ngendlela). Omnye ummandla onokusebenza kuwo ukuze ubuyele ekudinweni kukudinwa kubudlelwane kukufunda isakhono sokusombulula impixano esempilweni.

"Ukusombulula imbambano kufuneka ibe yinkqubo ethambileyo kakhulu. Akunakuba ngumzekeliso wenkundla yenkundla, apho ungena khona kwaye uhlasele iqabane lakho nge-slurry "le, le, kwaye yile nto uyenzileyo engalunganga kwaye yile ndlela owenze ngayo kakubi". Xa uhlasela umntu egameni lokusombulula impixano, oko kunokuwenza mandundu ungquzulwano. Umele ufunde ukuba ngunozakuzaku, uxolelwaniso, uphantse utshixe kwingongoma yakho kunokuba uzame ukuyifaka kwingxabano,” ucacisa ngelitshoyo uGqr. Bhonsle.

5. Qonda izinto ezibangela ukuba zibangele 

UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ukuze udinwe ngokugqithiseleyo, kufuneka ubani alayite imatshisi.” Ukuze uphephe umlilo, ufanele wazi ukuba zeziphi izinto ezinokutsha kulwalamano lwakho, ziziphi izinto ezinokubangela umlilo,” ucacisa watsho uGqr.

"Xa kukho ukuvuza kweoli, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba ungabonisi ngentonga yematshisi elayitiweyo, akunjalo? Ke kufuneka ube novelwano kakhulu malunga nokuba iqabane lakho lingeyiyo kwaye liyithethayo. Yiba ngumcuphi, ungabi ngumtshutshisi kubudlelwane bakho. Endaweni yokutsibela kwizigqibo kwaye ugqibe ukuba kwenzeke ntoni kwaye sisiphi isohlwayo esifanelekileyo, zama ukuqonda zonke izinto kwimeko ethile.

“Ngamanye amaxesha ekuphela kwento ekufuneka uyenzile kukuvumela izinto zidlule kwaye akukho nto 'inokusombulula.' Mhlawumbi iqabane lakho liyaphambana kuba belifowunelwe kwiyure ekruqulayo, okanye omnye kusapho wagula ngequbuliso,” uyongezelela.

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6. Zisebenzele

Njengoko uGqr. Bhonsle wachazayo, ukudinwa kobudlelwane kunokuthi kwenzeke ngenxa yokuba amaqabane akhethe ukungaziqapheli ngokutsha kwaye akhule ngokuzola. Xa uyeka ukuzama kwaye ube iqabane elingcono onokuba lilo, uphantse wamkele ixesha lokuma. 

Ukunqanda ukudinwa kobudlelwane kuyo nayiphi na into eguqukayo, ukuhlala usebenza ngokwakho kungenza umahluko. Hayi, asithethi ukuba kufuneka ufunde ulwimi olutsha rhoqo emva kweenyanga ezintandathu kwaye ufunde isakhono esitsha rhoqo ngezintathu. Ukwenza nje into entsha yokuzonwabisa kunokuba yinto entle ngokwaneleyo. 

7. Vumelana ukusebenza kubudlelwane 

Ukusebenza kubudlelwane akuthethi ukuba kufuneka ukhuphe iiphedi zakho ezisemthethweni ezityheli, udwelise uhlalutyo olucacileyo lweveki malunga nebhondi yakho. Kunokuba lula njengokwenza i-yoga kunye, ukuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye, kunye nokuqinisekisa ukuba amazwi akho akaphakanyiswa ngexesha leengxabano.

Xa omabini amaqabane ethatha isigqibo sokutsibela ngeenyawo zombini, ukudinwa kobudlelwane kunokulungiswa ngokufanelekileyo. Ewe kunjalo, iklasi enye yokupheka ayizuzisombulula zonke iingxaki zakho, kodwa ubuncinci uya kuchitha ixesha kunye kwaye ufumane isidlo esimnandi kuyo.

Ke, ngaba kukho into efana nokudinwa kubudlelwane? Uyabheja. Ngaba ixela intshabalalo kulwalamano lwakho? Akunjalo. Ewe, uhambo oluya ekuchacheni lude, kwaye olo lusenokufuna ukuzihlolisisa kakhulu. Kodwa isimo sengqondo esingenathemba nesoyiswayo asikwazi ukuzinza. Ukufumana indlela yokuphuma kulo mngxuma kunokusindisa ngokoqobo ubomi bakho. 

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