Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo: Kuthetha ukuthini kubudlelwane?

Xa nincokola ngendlela enikhathazayo, niqalisa ukuva iimvakalelo ezingaphakathi kuwe. Uyazama ukubalawula, sebenzisa ingqondo yakho enengqondo, kwaye udlule kule meko kodwa iimvakalelo ziyabila ngaphakathi kuwe. Ekugqibeleni, uziva ukuba amagama alawulwa kungekhona ngeengcamango zakho, kodwa ngeemvakalelo. Ngaba wakha wakwimeko enjalo? Ukuba ewe, ngoko uye wadibana noxinzelelo lweemvakalelo.

Kuba iyimeko apho uzifumana ungenakukwazi ukulawula indlela osabela ngayo kwisiganeko esivusa inkanuko, kunokuchaphazela kakubi ubudlelwane bakho bothando. Ubhidekile malunga nendlela osebenza ngayo umkhukula weemvakalelo kubudlelwane kwaye ungawunqanda njani?

Ngoncedo lwengqondo yengqondo Pragati Sureka (i-MA kwi-Clinical Psychology, iikhredithi zobungcali ezivela kwiSikolo sezoNyango sase-Harvard), ogxile ekujonganeni nemiba efana nokulawula umsindo, imiba yobuzali, impatho-gadalala, kunye nomtshato ongenaluthando ngokusebenzisa izibonelelo zesakhono seemvakalelo, makhe sijonge kuyo yonke into odinga ukuyazi ngalo mbandela.

Yintoni Ukukhukula Kweemvakalelo?

“Ibilusuku lwangoLwesithathu olunestres ndileqa ixesha elibekiweyo, ndiye ndabuza umyeni wam ukuba angasilungiselela na isidlo sangokuhlwa, waphendula ngokuphoxayo malunga nendlela endimkhwelisa ngayo.Yandikhathaza kakhulu loo nto ndaza ndakhala ndaphendula ngendlela endinomsebenzi ngayo kwaye noko angandinceda. yaye akazange athethe de kwangentsasa elandelayo,” utsho uNicole, igqwetha elisebenza kwishishini elineminyaka engama-29 ubudala.

Ukuba amava kaNicole abethe intsimbi eqhelekileyo entlokweni yakho, uye wadandatheka. Ukuvela rhoqo kwiimeko apho umntu osondeleyo kuwe anokuthi athethe into engathandekiyo okanye ebangela, ukukhukula kweemvakalelo akuqhelekanga kwaye kunokukhokelela kwimiphumo engathandekiyo kunye engafunekiyo, njenge. ukucaphuka kubudlelwane.

Ayizukuthatha ixesha elide ukuqikelela ukuba lithetha ukuthini igama elithi “ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo”. Ngokwenene, yimeko apho iimvakalelo ezimbini okanye ngaphezulu - okanye ezinamandla ngakumbi - zivusa ukusabela okunamandla ngaphakathi kwakho ukuba uzive ukhululekile kuyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo ezinxulumene neemvakalelo ezimbi kunye neemeko ezinzima, ukukhukula kweemvakalelo kukhokelela ekubeni izenzo zakho zilawulwe yimvakalelo yakho, kwaye kungekhona iingcamango zakho ezinengqiqo.

Eli gama laxoxwa okokuqala kwizangqa zezemfundo kwi-90s yokuqala xa uDkt. JM Gottman upapashe iphepha lophando ukuxoxa ngokukhukula kweemvakalelo kunye nokudibanisa kwayo nokuqhawulwa komtshato kunye nokuzinza. Kutyekelo lwezenzululwazi, inkcazo kaGottman yokhukula ngokweemvakalelo, ekwabizwa ngokuba yi-Diffuse Physiological Arousal, yimpendulo yenkqubo yemithambo-luvo enovelwano kuxinzelelo, eyenzelwe ukuba isilumkise ngengozi kwaye isenze sikwazi ukusabela ngokukhawuleza ngokuzikhusela.

Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubangela ukuba uzive uxinezelekile, uvule umlo wakho okanye impendulo yenqwelomoya kwaye uvumele iimvakalelo zakho zilawule izenzo zakho. Ukuyicacisa, IPragati uthi, “Ngokusisiseko, ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuxa ubangelwa ziziganeko okanye iimeko. 

"Amaxesha amaninzi, ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka ngenxa yezizathu zokwenyani apho umntu ecinga ngamava adlulileyo ashiye uphawu kubo. Kanye kunye nenkumbulo yamava kuza neemvakalelo ezothusayo eziba nzima kakhulu ukuzibamba. Ngenxa yoko, ingqondo yakho iya kwimowudi yokusinda. Ingqondo yethu ye-reptilian ithatha indawo, kwaye inxalenye yokusombulula ingxaki yengqondo yethu ifike ime ngokupheleleyo ngenxa yokuba imowudi ethile inokuthi ingenise izizathu. amagqabantshintshi a ubudlelwane obungenampilo ngenye indlela ehloniphekileyo nesempilweni.”

I-psychology yokhukula ngokweemvakalelo inokukunceda uqonde ukuba kutheni iqabane lakho lenze xa ubungayilindelanga, okanye kutheni lingabonakali ukuba lincokole nawe ngale nto inye. Makhe sijonge ngakumbi iimpawu zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuba kwenzeka ntoni ngexesha.

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Kwenzeka Ntoni Ngexesha Lokukhukula Kweemvakalelo?

Njengoko sele sixoxile ngasentla, ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunokongamela iingcinga zakho kwaye kubangele impendulo yokusabela. Nangona kunjalo, kunye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo yakho, ukukhukula kweemvakalelo kukwabonakala ngokwasemzimbeni, ngaphakathi emzimbeni wakho. Cinga ngazo zonke izinto ezenzekayo emzimbeni wakho xa ucatshukiswa ngumntu othile: ukuphefumla kwakho kuba nzima, uxinzelelo lwegazi lwakho lunokuphakama, kwaye uve igazi libaleka entloko.

Isikhukula ngokwasemoyeni sithatha zonke ezo mpendulo kwaye izikhabela phezulu. UDanielle oneminyaka engama-24 ubudala ongumyili uthi: “Xa mna neqabane lam sixambulisana ngokunzulu, maxa wambi ndiye ndiqalise ukuphefumla ngokugqithiseleyo.

Ecacisa ngalo mcimbi nomyeni wakhe, uNicole wongezelela esithi, “Intloko yam yaqalisa ukuba nzima yaye ndeva igazi limpompa emithanjeni yam.

UPragati uthi: “Siye singalawuleki, singakwazi ukuziqonda, okanye ukuqonda izenzo zethu.” Sisenokugqiba ekubeni sizibuze imibuzo enjengale, “Kutheni le nto ndichukumiseka kangaka kule meko, kutheni ndingakwazi ukulawula indlela endisabela ngayo?” Ngenxa yoko, unokugqiba ukuvumela iimvakalelo zakho zibe ngcono kwaye unokuqala ukubonisa a ukungabikho kwentlonipho kubudlelwane.

Ezo ntshukumo zefiziyoloji zinokuvakala ngaphandle xa kukho isiqendu somkhukula weemvakalelo. Ngaphakathi emzimbeni wakho, izintso zakho zikhupha iihomoni zoxinzelelo, imithambo yakho ixinene, amadlala eadrenal akhupha iadrenaline, kunye nenoradrenalin, isibindi sakho sithumela iswekile egazini lakho kwaye nokuhanjiswa kwegazi ebuchotsheni bakho kugcinwa okanye kunyusiwe. Ngokucacileyo, ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo akuchaphazeli nje ingqondo yakho kodwa kwanomzimba wakho.

Zeziphi iimpawu zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane?

Nokuba ukubudlelwane okanye awukho, imizekelo yokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo yonke ubukhulu becala isebenza ngendlela efanayo. U-Pragati uthi, "Ezinye zezinto eziqhelekileyo ezibangela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane ngamazinga aphezulu oxinzelelo. Ukuba uhlala uxinezelekile, uya kuba neengxaki ezininzi ngokweemvakalelo. Kwaye ukuhlala ukhukuliseka ngokweemvakalelo akuyomeko ephilileyo omele ube kuyo. Ngenxa yoko, kubalulekile ukuba wenze izenzo ezininzi zokukhumbula, ukuphefumla ngokunzulu, kunye nokubhala iindaba."

Kodwa, ungalibona njani ixesha lokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo? Ngaba kukho iimpawu zovakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni? Ukuba kunjalo, zikhangeleka njani? I-Pragati inceda ukuphendula yonke imibuzo yakho.

1. Ukunqongophala kokugxila kunye nokwenza iingcamango ezihambelanayo

Xa ufumana iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo ongakwaziyo ukuzilawula, phantse uziva ngathi awukwazi ukuvelisa ingcinga ehambelanayo. “Uphawu lokuqala lokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuxa ulahlekelwa ngokupheleleyo kugxininiso ngenxa yeemvakalelo ezingaphaya kwamandla akho.” Akunakukwazi kwaphela ukucinga ngenxa yokuba ngengqondo ingqondo yakho ima ngxi, uziva urhoxokile engqondweni ekubeni uvakalelwa kukuba awukwazi nokuzilungisa izinto ezenzeka kwindawo ohlala kuyo,” utsho uPragati. Ungafikelela kweli nqanaba rhoqo ukuba kuvakala ngathi yonke incoko kubudlelwane bakho ijika ibeyingxabano.

2. Ukushukuma kweemvakalelo

Esinye sezizathu zokuba ukuphuphuma kweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kunokuba yingozi kakhulu kukuba isiqendu sokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo sihlala sibandakanya iimvakalelo eziguquka ngokupheleleyo ngexesha elifutshane kakhulu. UPragati uthi: “Usenokuziva unomsindo omkhulu, yaye ngequbuliso usenokuziva uxhalabile.” Ngokusisiseko yimpendulo yokulwa okanye yokubhabha.

3. Iimpawu ezibonakalayo zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo

UPragati ubhala athi: “Usenokubona iimpawu zomzimba ezinjengobuso bakho busiba bomvu bubomvu, ukubetha kwentliziyo yakho kunyuka, yaye uya kuziva uxinezelekile entliziyweni yakho.” Neentende zakho zisenokuqalisa ukubila, yaye usenokugqabhuka ngokutshisa. Ezinye iimpawu eziqhelekileyo ezixeliweyo zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo ziquka ukuziva uqinile esiswini, ukufumana kunzima ukuphefumla, kunye nokuphazamiseka kwentetho.

Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuqhelekile

Into ekufuneka uyikhumbule ngasentla nangaphaya kwayo yonke into kukuba ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuqhelekile. Ewe, kusenokubakho iimeko ezithile ebomini bakho apho unokuba sesichengeni sokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo, kodwa emva kwayo yonke loo nto yinxalenye yolwakhiwo lwethu lwendalo lwendalo – ukusabela ngokwethuku kwizoyikiso, ezicwangciselwe kuthi ukuze sizisindise.

U-Pragati ucacisa ukuba nangona ukuhlala ukhukuliseka ngokweemvakalelo ngokuqinisekileyo kungamava angalunganga, ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuhlala kuthathwa njengesiqhelo, okanye nokuba kukuhle kwiimeko ezithile, kanye ngendlela. iingxabano kubudlelwane zinokugqalwa njengezakhayo. “Ngamanye amaxesha kwinzululwazi yengqondo, ukukhukulisa ngokweemvakalelo kusenokusetyenziswa njengendlela yokukunceda uphole kwiimvakalelo ezingakhiyo ezicinezelekileyo ngokuzivuselela engqondweni yakho engaphantsi kwengqondo.” Ukukunceda uhlangabezane nazo naziphi na iimvakalelo ezicinezelekileyo noloyiko osenokuba nalo. 

“Kukwakho iindlela ezintle zokujonga ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo.” Masithi, ngokomzekelo, ubukele umfanekiso oshukumayo yaye ngequbuliso uzaliswe ziimvakalelo zokuthand’ izwe, okanye ukuba ubukele umdlalo owuthandayo uze utshayelwe ngumzuzwana womdla ungakayiqondi ncam into ojamelana nayo. 

“Ngoko ke, asingowamava nje angathandekiyo. Kufuneka siqonde ukuba ukukhukuliseka ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka rhoqo ebantwini.” Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kuba lucelomngeni xa umntu engakwazi ukujamelana neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo ezinokuphakama. Ngokomzekelo, intlungu, intlungu, umona, okanye umsindo. indlela osabela ngayo ukuba ibe yingxaki.”

Umothuko okhukula ngokwasemoyeni kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuba amadoda ajongane nawo, njengoko isimo sengqondo esiqhelekileyo malunga neemvakalelo ezicinezelayo zenza kube lula ukuba babone ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo njengento engalunganga okanye engathandekiyo. Ngokumisela isibakala sokuba sonke kufuneka sijongane neemvakalelo zethu, sinokunceda abanye ukuba basabele bhetele kwiimeko zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo.

Uphando olwenziwa nguGqr. Gottman lubonise ukuba amadoda athanda ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunabasetyhini. Ngaphandle koko, wonke umntu uyayazi indima edlalwa bubudoda ngokubhekiselele kumadoda abonakalisa iimvakalelo. Ngomkhwa emadodeni wokungahoyi kwaye acinezele iimvakalelo, akumangalisi ukuba ezi mvakalelo zigqabhuke kwisiganeko sokukhukula kweemvakalelo.

Yintoni Ebangela Isiqendu Sokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane?

"Isizathu sokuba sithethe ngokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kukuba kumaxesha amaninzi, sishukunyiswa kakhulu zizinto ezininzi ezenzeka kubudlelwane bethu. ubudlelwane obusondeleyo. Kusenokuba kungenxa yokuba silindele ukuba kubekho umntu omnye osinika inkxaso, ubuhlobo, uvelwano, nayo yonke into phantsi kwelanga. Xa oko kungenzeki, kunokukhokelela ekuphuphumeni kweemvakalelo.

"Amaxesha amaninzi ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka ngokwenene xa omnye engazikhathaleli iimfuno zakho ngendlela ofuna ngayo." Into esiyibonayo kunyango kukuba ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanjalo banokukhathazeka okukhulu kwabantwana. Amaxesha amaninzi baqhele ukujonga into engaphandle kwabo elawula iimvakalelo zabo zokonwaba okanye ukudabuka, "utsho uPragati.

Ewe kunjalo, isizathu sesiganeko sokwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo sinokwahluka kumntu wonke, kodwa izinto eziqhelekileyo ezinjengokuhlala ucinezelekile okanye ukuba neemvakalelo ezicinezelekileyo zihlala zingunobangela. Sonke kufuneka sijongane neemeko ezinzima okanye ezicinezelayo ngexesha elinye okanye kwelinye, ngoko ke ukubakho kokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo akunakuze kukhutshelwe nabani na.

Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ukwixesha elinzima okanye ungumntu onovakalelo, kukho ithuba eliphezulu lokuba unokufumana izikhukula ngokwasemoyeni kwimeko yoxinzelelo. Abantu abajongene nentlungu okanye ilahleko nabo basesichengeni kakhulu koku. Nazi ezinye izinto eziqhelekileyo ezibangela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo:

1. Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu

Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo ngokuqhelekileyo kuvela kwindawo yoxinzelelo okanye ukungakhululeki. Ukusabela kwisiganeko esimanyumnyezi okanye esimandundu kunokubangela ukuphuphuma kweemvakalelo. Imingeni yobudlelwane kunokubangela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo. A kutsha nje isifundo Ukuphuphuma kweemvakalelo emitshatweni kubonise ukuba izibini ezikumtshato ocinezelekileyo okanye ezinobundlobongela obusenyongweni ngabona zichanabeke ngakumbi kulo.

Ngoko ayimangalisi into yokuba ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka rhoqo kubudlelwane obunxungupheleyo okanye obuyityhefu. Ekubeni ukucinezela iimvakalelo kungumxholo oqhelekileyo kubudlelwane obuyityhefu apho uhlala uhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe eqanda malunga neqabane lakho, ukukhululwa kweemvakalelo ezivaliweyo ngokugqabhuka ngokweemvakalelo akuqhelekanga. Ukucinezelwa kunye nokugqabhuka kunokuba ngumjikelo okhohlakeleyo, onokuthi ukhokelele kumatye kunye nokuwohloka kobudlelwane.

2. Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo emva kokungathembeki

Xa ujongene nokungathembeki, ukukhukula kweemvakalelo kunokuba ngumqobo ekulungiseni ngokufanelekileyo kunye nokujongana nengxaki. Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo emva kokungathembeki kunokubangela ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zigqithise iingcamango zakho ezinengqondo kwaye ulahle izimvo ezikhohlakeleyo, ezihlawuliswayo kwiqabane lakho. Ekubeni uziva uphosisile kwaye ungcatshiwe, unokuwuvumela umsindo wakho-oyinto eqhelekileyo yokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo-uthathe indawo ngokuzithandela, ukuze ukhulule kwaye ubonise indlela ukungcatsha okubuhlungu ngayo.

UDanielle ubalisa amava akhe: “Xa ndandizama ukwahlukana nokuthandana komyeni wam, ndandidla ngokuziva ndicaphukile yaye ndingcatshwa.” Kangangenyanga, kwakunzima ukuba ndithethe naye ngendlela esengqiqweni yaye ndandidla ngokumkhuphela umsindo wam ngalo lonke ixesha.

Ukunikezela ku ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo emva kokungathembeki ikwenza kube nzima kuwe ukuqhubekekisa kwaye udlule ngaphaya kwayo. Kuyacetyiswa ukuba ugxile ekuchongeni nasekulawuleni iimvakalelo zakho. Wakuba ukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo neengcinga zakho, indlela osisingatha ngayo le meko ibiya kuba bhetele yaye ingonakalisi.

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3. Izikhukhula ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokubethelwa ngamatye

Xa umntu ekwimeko enovakalelo, ngakumbi kwimiba ephathelele kubudlelwane, ukuba nesikhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunokukhokelela kumgama ongakumbi kunye nezithuba zonxibelelwano. Ukugqabhuka kwakho kweentlungu okanye umsindo kunokubonakala ngathi kubuhlungu okwangoku, kodwa okukhona kusenzeka, kokukhona kunokwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho liyeke ukuzama ukubandakanya okanye ukuxoxa ngemibandela ebuthathaka nawe. Njengoko unxunguphalo ngokwasemoyeni lusanda, iqabane lakho lisenokurhoxa ngakumbi, likubambezele ukuba ujongane nezikhukula ngokwasemoyeni kunye nokugxojwa ngamatye.

Ethetha ngendlela iimvakalelo eziye zaluchaphazela ngayo ulwalamano lwakhe, uNicole uthi: “Emva komlo wethu wokuqala wokwenza isidlo sangokuhlwa, yaba ngumbandela ontununtunu.

Njengoko lo gama libonisa, ilitye kubudlelwane kuxa iqabane lakho lala ukunxibelelana ngokupheleleyo, likuvalele ngaphandle kwezinye iindawo zobomi balo kwaye lingakubandakanyeli kwizihloko ezibuthathaka. Oku kuya kusebenza kuphela njengento ekhuthaza ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwixesha elizayo, kunye nento ekufuneka iqwalaselwe, ngokukhethekileyo kunyango, ngokukhawuleza.

4. Ukucinezela iimvakalelo zakho

Ukucinezela iimvakalelo zakho kunokudala umqolo weengcinga kunye neemvakalelo ngaphakathi kuwe. Ngaphandle kokusabela kwizinto ezithile ezibangelayo, oku kunokubangela ukuba ukhulule konke ukuphoxeka kunye nomthwalo weemvakalelo kwiqabane lakho ngexesha lengxabano malunga nesihloko esahluke ngokupheleleyo.

Oku kuyingozi kungekuphela nje kuwe kodwa nakulwalamano lwakho. “Kwakungathi ndibambekile kumjikelo, ndiginya umsindo wam imini yonke UDanielle ukhumbula oku xa ndithetha nomyeni wam ekupheleni kosuku.” Ngenxa yoko, iimpawu zokuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo ziya zisiba mbi ngakumbi.

5. Isikhukula njengesixhobo

Abantu abangahambelaniyo neemvakalelo zabo basenokubhenela kwizikhukula njengesixhobo, ngokufuthi bengaziqondi. Lo mboniso wokukhukula uyavela, ingakumbi kwimeko yabantu abathi kwiminyaka yabo yokukhula abazange banikwe izixhobo zokusebenza ngeemvakalelo zabo kwaye basoloko beyekwa ukuba bazithobe ngokwabo ngabagcini babo bokuqala okanye abazali babo. Njengoko besitshilo, i-psychology yokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo inzima.

Isayikholoji yesikhukula, eyaziwa ngcono namhlanje njengonyango lwezandyondyo, yindlela esetyenziswa kunyango lwengqondo ukujongana nezinto ezithile ezinokubangela ukusabela ngokweemvakalelo. Unyango lwezikhukula luyibuyisela umva into eyenziwa sisikhukula ngokweemvakalelo emzimbeni nasengqondweni yethu, sisebenzisa ukuvezwa kwezinto ezicinezelayo ukujongana nokujongana nezinto ezibangelayo.

Nangona oku kusenokubonakala kuchasene, le ndlela isetyenziswe kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo zehlabathi kumashumi ambalwa eminyaka adlulileyo. Ngelixa umntu osebenzisa esi sixhobo ukujongana neemvakalelo esenokungaqapheli ubucukubhede bengqondo yezikhukula, basenokwenza isipili ngethuku.

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Indlela yokujongana nokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane

Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, sifunde ukuba incoko enzima inokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezivuthayo kwaye inokubangela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo. Kwimeko enjalo, kubhetele ukwazi xa incoko isondela kumhlaba onogonyamelo okanye ongenangqiqo uze unqumame uze ubuyele kuyo kamva. Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza ukuze uzicwangcise kwaye ujongane noxinzelelo lweemvakalelo:

1. Gxininisa ekuphefumleni kwakho

Ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka xa iimvakalelo zakho zithande ukongamela ukucinga kwakho okunengqiqo, kubangela ukucinga ngokugqithisileyo. Olunye lweempawu ezixhaphake kakhulu ngokwasemzimbeni koku kuphefumla nzima okanye okukhawulezileyo. Kungokunikela ingqalelo kulo msebenzi ulula, ongaguqukiyo womzimba esinokuthi sijongane kakuhle neziqendu zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo.

"Into yokuqala kunye neyona nto ibhetele ukuyenza kukuqala ukuphefumla. Qala ukuphefumla okunzulu kwaye ubambelele ekuphefumuleni kwakho ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba uhlawuliswa. Okanye ukuba ingxabano yakho iphuma ekulawuleni, eyona nto unokuyenza kukuphefumula, "kusho uPragati.

Ukugxila ekuphefumleni kwakho, kunye nokuzama ukuphefumla ngokuzinzileyo, kunokunceda kakhulu. Ukuphefumla okunzulu kwenza "ukuphumla kunye nokugaya" inxalenye yomzimba wakho (inkqubo ye-nervous parasympathetic), kukunceda ukuba ukhululeke, ukwandisa ukuhamba kwegazi kumalungu akho angaphakathi, kunye nokuzinzisa ukubetha kwentliziyo yakho.

UNicole uthi: “Ndafumanisa ukuba ukuba nomkhwa wokuphefumla ngokuthe rhoqo kwandinceda ndakwazi ukuhlangabezana neemeko ezibangela uxinezeleko ingakumbi kumyeni wam.

I-Pragati icebisa indlela ehlala inceda abo baphakathi kwesiganeko sokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo. "Enye indlela onokuthi uzame ngayo yindlela yokumisela. Phefumla, ujonge izinto ezikungqongileyo, kwaye uzame ukuzibhalisa engqondweni yakho. Jonga into omi ngayo phambi kwayo, ukuba injani i-t-shirt yesikipa sakho, kwaye umoya osebusweni bakho unjani. Ngoko nangoko, ungazilawula iimvakalelo zakho nokuba ukwingxabano enkulu."

2. Chonga iimvakalelo zakho

Yinto eyaziwayo ukuba ukuvuma kunye nokubiza iimvakalelo zakho kunokukunceda ukuba uziqhube ngcono kwaye unike ulawulo olungaphezulu kuzo. A isifundo ngu-UCLA uNjingalwazi uMatthew Lieberman kunye noogxa babonisa ukuba ukubiza iimvakalelo zakho ezimbi ezinjengomsindo, usizi okanye uloyiko luzola i-Amygdala, inxalenye yengqondo enceda ukuchaza nokulawula iimvakalelo.

Ngokuchonga iimvakalelo xa zivutha, unokunceda ukuphelisa ubunzulu bazo. Okukhona uthatha ixesha lokuqaphela ukuba uziva njani, kokukhona uya kufumana ngcono. Ekugqibeleni, ufikelela kwinqanaba apho iimvakalelo zakho zingasasongeleli kuwe kodwa ziyinxalenye yamava akho emihla ngemihla.

UPragati ucebisa umsebenzi onokukunceda uqonde iimvakalelo zakho, “Ukuba ungumntu oxinezeleke kakhulu kwaye oqhele ukuba nesehlo sokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo, ukubhala ingxelo kunokukunceda kakhulu ukuba uqonde iingxaki kwaye uchonge iimvakalelo zakho.” 

3. Thatha ikhefu

Ukuzihlaziya sisixhobo esidumileyo sokujongana ngokufanelekileyo nokhukula ngokweemvakalelo. Yintoni ukuzithuthuzela? Ewe, xa usiva ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo, umzimba wakho uneendlela ezininzi zokusabela ngokwasemzimbeni, njengoko besixoxile ngasentla. Ukupholisa phantsi kwaye uzinzise eso simo somzimba, abantu abaninzi bafuna malunga nemizuzu engama-20. Ukuthatha ikhefu kunye nokwenza into yokuphumla okanye ekhuthazayo kunokukunceda ukukhupha kurhulumente. Into ebalulekileyo kukuchitha ixesha lokuthomalalisa ingqondo yakho, umzimba wakho, kwaye ngaloo ndlela nawe.

Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuzithoba iyahluka ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye. Ukuhamba-hamba kwibhloko kunye nokujonga indalo kunceda abanye abantu. Abanye bagqiba ekubeni batshintshe amandla abo komnye umsebenzi njengokubukela ividiyo ehlekisayo okanye ukuthetha nomhlobo, okanye ukuchitha enye ixesha elibalulekile nomntu omthandayo. U-Pragati uchaza ukuba ukuthatha ikhefu ngexesha lokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kunokuvakala ngathi, “Emva kokuba uzibophe ngomphefumlo wakho, xelela iqabane lakho ukuba ufuna umzuzu ukuze uziqokelele kunye neengcinga zakho.

"Enye into enokuba luncedo kakhulu kukushiya imeko eyabangela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kwasekuqaleni. Sela amanzi, uthathe ikhefu kwaye uye kwigumbi lokuhlambela, utshize amanzi ebusweni bakho kwaye uzenze uzole. Thetha nawe, kwaye ube nobubele kuwe. umonde omncinci kuwe."

4. Hlalutya iimvakalelo zakho

Nje ukuba uthathe ixesha lokuzikhupha kwimeko yesikhukula ngokwasemoyeni okanye ube nexesha lokucinga malunga nokuba kwenzeke ntoni na, luluvo oluhle ukuhlalutya iimvakalelo ozichongileyo okanye ozithiye ngegama. Buza ukuba kutheni loo mvakalelo yavela kwimeko, kwaye yintoni eyabangela ukuba wonganyelwe. Ngokucinga ngento ebangele le meko, unokuzohlula iimvakalelo uze uqonde indlela osabela ngayo. Oku kuya kukunceda ukwazi ukuhlangabezana nale meko bhetele nanini na inokuvela ngokulandelayo.

Ethetha ngenkqubo yakhe, uDanielle uthi: “Ndandizibona ndisiba nomsindo ngalo lonke ixesha ndivula imiyalezo yomyeni wam kuba ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba umyeni wam wayethandana nelinye ibhinqa.

5. Ukuzivocavoca

Uphando luye lwabonisa ukuba abantu abenza umthambo kwaye zisetyenziselwa ukujongana nokubila ngakumbi kunye neemeko ezibangela uxinzelelo zinokuchasana okuphezulu kokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo. Ukwenza umthambo yindlela elungileyo yokuqeqesha kungekuphela nje umzimba wakho kodwa nengqondo yakho ukujongana neemeko ezingathandekiyo.

Yandisa amandla omzimba wakho wokujongana noxinzelelo oluninzi kwaye inokukunceda ukuba ujongane neemeko ezinzima zeemvakalelo. Ungazama ukwenza umthambo ube ngumsebenzi ofanayo eniwuqhelisela kunye wena neqabane lakho. Oku kuya kuninceda nobabini ukuba nisondelelane kwaye kuninike ithuba lokunxibelelana ngcono.

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6. Yabelana neqabane lakho

Inokuba licebo elilungileyo lokuzibandakanya neqabane lakho kwiingxoxo malunga nezigigaba zakho zokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo: izinto ezibangele oko kunye nento oziva ngayo ngokwasemzimbeni. Ayikuncedi nje oku ekuhlalutyeni isiqendu ngokucacisa kodwa ikwafumana umntu omthandayo kwiinzame zakho zokulwa neziqendu.

Ke endaweni yokuba ubanjwe kumjikelo wokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokubethelwa ngamatye, yisebenzise ukwenza isiphumo esichaseneyo. Kuya kunika iziphumo ezingcono kubudlelwane bakho. Ukwabelana ngamava akho ngokukhukula ngokweemvakalelo kunokubethelela umkhwa wokwabelana ngeemvakalelo kunye nokungonwabi, okunokunciphisa le nto kakhulu. Ukuphanda ngakumbi malunga nezicwangciso zokuhlangabezana nokucwangciswa kwazo kunye sisixhobo esihle sokuthintela okanye ukunciphisa iziqendu ezizayo.

Ngokuxhomekeke kwintuthuzelo yakho, unyango lunokunceda ukujongana nezikhukula zeemvakalelo. Ugqirha okanye umqeqeshi unokukunceda ekuchongeni iimvakalelo zakho, zeziphi iipatheni ezikhokelela kwizikhukula kunye nobuchule bokujongana neemeko ezithile. Ukutyelela ugqirha kunye neqabane lakho kunokubanceda ukuba baqonde wena kunye neemvakalelo zakho ngcono. Ngokusebenza kunye, aninako ukujongana nezikhukula zeemvakalelo kuphela kodwa nisondelelane ngakumbi kubudlelwane benu.

Ukuba lunyango olufunayo, Iphaneli yeBonobology yetheraphisti enamava, kubandakanywa neengqondo zengqondo uPragati Sureka ngokwakhe, uzimisele ukukukhokela kuzo zonke iindlela zendlela.

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