UMhlekazi uGeorge Bernard Shaw uthe, “Esona sono sibi kwizidalwa esikhonza kunye nabo asikokubathiya, kodwa kukungabakhathaleli: ngundoqo wobunya”.
Ukuba ukungakhathali kwabanye abantu akunabuntu, akunakucingelwa ukuba umntu udlula ntoni xa eziva engahoywanga kubudlelwane. Imiphumo yengqondo yokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo inokuba ngumphefumlo kwaye ithuthumbise ngokwasengqondweni.
Xa umntu esimthandayo engasiniki ngqalelo esiyifaneleyo, ithuku lethu lokuqala kukufikelela kwingcambu yengxaki size siyikhuphe. Noko ke, ngokwenza oko, omnye umbuzo obalulekileyo awuphendulwanga: indlela yokusingatha ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo?
Ukuthathela ingqalelo ukuchaphazeleka ngokweemvakalelo ungabonwa okanye ungaviwa liqabane okanye omthandayo kunokuthatha impilo yakho yengqondo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ungamelana njani nobudlelwane obungenampilo. Silapha ukukunceda ngaloo nto kanye.
Ukungahoywa Kwenza ntoni Emntwini?
Isiqulatho
Ubudlelwane obunempilo zisekelwe kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, ukuthembana, intlonipho nokuqondana. Ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kukushiya wodwa, unemibuzo emininzi kunye namathandabuzo kodwa kungekho mpendulo okanye icace gca injongo kulowo ungakuhoyiyo. Okokuqala nokuphambili, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba iqabane okanye umntu omthandayo ufuna indawo kwaye ixesha uwedwa rhoqo ngoku kwaye ke akufani xa umntu ngoyaba kuwe ngabom.
Imeko yangaphambili idla ngokuba yimeko eqhelekileyo yeqabane elinye elidinga indawo kubudlelwane kwaye elinye licinga ukuba luphawu olubi, olunokukhokelela kwiiyantlukwano, umgama, imilo kunye neengxabano. Loo nto ngokwayo ayilobudlelwane obuphilileyo obuguqukayo nokuba, kodwa ngumdlalo webhola owahlukileyo kunokujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo.
Kwelinye icala, xa umntu ekutyeshela ngabom, ngokuqhelekileyo ngenjongo yokusebenzisa kakubi ukuthenjwa ombeka kuye aze abe nolawulo negunya phezu kwakho, oko kunokwenza ubuhlobo bube yingozi kakhulu. Imiphumo yengqondo yokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo yinyani yaye iyingozi.
Oku kuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo kuza ngeendlela ezininzi, enye yezona zixhaphakileyo kukuba 'unyango cwaka' aka ukungahoyi umntu ukuze abenze bawele emgceni. Xa uziva ungahoywa kubudlelwane ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakho alifuni kuthetha nawe, unokuziva uqhutywa kwindawo yokuphelelwa lithemba ukuze uqhawule impepho yokuthula.
Isiphumo? Uyavuma ukuba yintoni na bafuna kuwe ukuze aphelise ukungahoywa kubudlelwane. Olu tyekelo lwetyhefu lunobuqili kwaye kube nzima ukuluchaza, ngoko umntu kufuneka ahlale elumkile kuba iziphumo zengqondo zokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo zinokuba buhlungu.
Iziphumo zengqondo zokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo
Iingcali zengqondo kunye neengcali zempilo yengqondo ziyavuma ukuba ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kuyindlela yokukhohlisa kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba nemiphumo ede. Xa uziva ungabonakali, ungeva, ungabonakali kubudlelwane obusondeleyo, ibetha kanye kumbindi wengqondo yakho. Ngaphandle kokungazithembi, ixhala, umsindo kunye nokudakumba zezinye iimpembelelo eziqhelekileyo zengqondo umntu anokuba nazo xa eziva engahoywanga ngumntu amthanda ngokunzulu.
Kodwa impembelelo ayisoloko iphelele kwimpilo yakho yengqondo kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Xa umntu engakuhoyi ngenjongo, impembelelo yayo kwi-psyche yakho inokuzibonakalisa ngendlela yeempawu zomzimba zoxinzelelo. Iziphumo zomzimba zokungahoywa kubudlelwane zingabandakanya ukuphuthelwa, intloko ebuhlungu, ukubetha kwentliziyo kunye nokuxinezeleka kwemisipha. Imiphumo ehlala ixesha elide yokungahoywa kubudlelwane ingaba yingxaki yokutya enokubangela ukutyeba, ukuphazamiseka kweziyobisi kunye neentlungu ezingapheliyo.
Ngokutsho uphando olwenziwe ngo-2012, imiphumo yengqondo yokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo inokukhokelela ekubeni nexhala, ukuzithemba, ukurhoxa ekuhlaleni nokungabi nantsingiselo kubomi babo. Oku ke, kunokukhokelela ekubeni ube wedwa kunye noxinzelelo olunokuba sisiqalo semiba yempilo yengqondo yexesha elide.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezi-5 zokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kufuneka uzilumkele ulumkisa iTherapist
Olunye uphando lufumanisa ukuba ukuziva ungabandakanywanga kwaye ungahoywa kunokubangela utshintsho kwingqondo yakho, ngakumbi inxalenye enoxanduva lokubona intlungu - i-anterior cingulate cortex. Oku kunokubangela ukuba ube nothotho lweempawu zomzimba ezifana nokunyuka koxinzelelo lwegazi, iintloko ezibuhlungu, iingxaki zokugaya ukutya, isifo seswekile kunye nokudodobala kwamajoni omzimba.
Ezi ziphumo zomzimba zihlala ziziphumo zamanqanaba aphezulu oxinzelelo ngenxa yokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo okanye ocinga ukuba ubalulekile ebomini bakho. Inqanaba eliphezulu lobudlelwane obusondeleyo, imiphumo ingaba yingozi ngakumbi. Umzekelo, impembelelo inokuba phezulu kakhulu xa uziva ungahoywanga kubudlelwane kunokuba kunjalo xa abahlobo bakho, osebenza nabo okanye umphathi ekunika igxalaba elibandayo. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukwazi indlela yokujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo.
Ujongana Njani Nokungahoywa Ngumntu Okwi Relationship?
Ukujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo akulula neze. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba womelele kangakanani na ngokwasengqondweni okanye ukuba uphatha njani ngokungenantlonelo le mpatho yokungahlonitshwa ngumntu omthandayo, akusoloko kusenzeka ukutyhalela kude iingcinga ezingendawo kwaye ungabavumeli ukuba babe ngcono kuwe.
Xa umntu engakuhoyi ngenjongo-kwaye ukuba umntu ungumntu omthandayo onjengeqabane lothando okanye umzali - yinto nje yexesha ngaphambi kokuba izenzo zabo ziqale ukubangela ukungazithembi kuwe.
Unokwenza ukuba uqheleke kuthathwa lula kubudlelwane, obunokuthi ube nefuthe kwindlela owenza ngayo unxulumano olusondeleyo kwixesha elizayo. Yingakho ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kufuneka kuhoywe, kwaye uphathwe ngendlela efanelekileyo, ngokukhawuleza xa uqala ukuqaphela iiflegi ezibomvu.
Ukukunceda wenze loo nto, nanga amanye amacebiso ngendlela yokujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo:
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Kuthetha Ukuthini Xa Umntu Engakuhoyi?
1. Thatha inyathelo emva
Ngelixa ukubuya umva kusenokungabi linyathelo lokuqala elibonakalayo malunga nendlela yokujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu kubudlelwane, yeyona mpendulo isebenzayo yokuqala. Endaweni yokuza ngathi uswele, unxibelelana ukuba ngelixa uhlonipha isigqibo sabo, uyakuxabisa ukuzithemba kwakho.
Xa uziva ungahoywanga kulwalamano, musa ukunika omnye umntu ingqiqo yokuba ukulungele ukwenza nantoni na ukulungisa imeko. Qonda ukuba olu tshintsho luvela kubo hayi kuwe, ngoko ke bayeke balungise indlela. Bavumele bafikelele kuwe xa bebona ukuba bekuphosakele ukukuhoya.
Ewe, ukuthula okuxhaphakileyo ngenxa yokuba naliphi na icala elenza intshukumo yokusasaza uxinzelelo lunokuhlaba ngelixa luqhubeka, kodwa kuphela kwendlela yokuphelisa le nto ingenampilo. umzabalazo wamandla kubudlelwane.
2. Ziphazamise
UDan wazifumana ebandakanyeke kumandla afanayo kunye neqabane lakhe, uJustin, kwaye iziphumo zokungahoywa kubudlelwane zaziqala ukumphatha kakubi. Wayenexhala, ecaphukile, kwaye enamava okuhlaselwa luloyiko ngalo lonke ixesha iqabane lakhe lingena kwelinye lamakhubalo akhe okuthula. Ekugqibeleni, uDan wagqiba kwelokuba afune uncedo, kwaye ugqirha wakhe wamcebisa ukuba azigcine exakekile ukuze ahambe ngesikhephe ngala maxesha anzima ngaphandle kokuqhawuka.
Nawe unokungenelwa kwindlela efanayo ukuba kufuneka ujamelane nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo. Ngelixa ubuya umva kubudlelwane ukuze unike omnye ixesha lokucinga, fumana ixesha lokwenza into oyithandayo - into ekwenza wonwabe.
Ukusuka ekubhaliseni ikhosi ye-intanethi ukuya ekupeyinteni okanye ukuzifumana nje ukwenza zonke ezo fowuni ubuzibekile, iziphazamiso zintle. Ukuba akukho nto yimbi, baleka, ibhokisi, sebenza kwaye wonwabele ukungxama kwe-adrenaline.
3. Zingqonge abantu abakwenza wonwabe
Sidla ngokuzikhwebula kubantu abasondeleyo kuthi, nangona singazi, ngexesha le Isigaba sehoneymoon kubudlelwane bethu bothando. Abanye abantu bafumana inkxaso, ulwaneliseko kunye nomhlobo wabo osenyongweni kwisiqingatha sabo esingcono kodwa abanye bashiywe benesithukuthezi.
Umntu omnye kwabathathu abatshatileyo ubika ukuba ulilolo, ngokutsho kwe Uphando lwe-AARP kwenziwe ngo-2018. Ezi mvakalelo zokuziva ulilolo kunye nokuba wedwa ziphindaphindeka ngokuphindaphindiweyo xa uziva ungahoywanga kubudlelwane. Ke, zingqonge abantu abakwenza wonwabe - ii-vibes ezintle kuphela!
4. Fumana inkqubo yenkxaso
Ungafuna okanye ungafuni ukwabelana ngemeko yakho yengqondo nabahlobo bakho. Kodwa ukuba kunjalo, ungalibali ukubabuza ukuba uyenza njani xa ungahoywa ngumntu okwi relationship? Ukuba abahlobo bakho bakwinto efanayo okanye bakhe banamava ngayo kwixesha elidlulileyo, banokuba neengcebiso eziluncedo kunye neengcebiso zokwabelana.
Uya kumangaliswa kukufunda indlela ubomi obanyanzela ngayo abantu ukuba bayile ezinye zeendlela ezilula kodwa ezisebenzayo ukuze usinde kwiimeko ezinzima njengokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kwaye ufumane ilinen yolonwabo.
Ukuba akukho nto yimbi, uya kuba negumbi eligcwele i-wisecracks, ukuhleka, kunye nexesha elimnandi kunye nabahlobo bakho.
5. Nxibelelana xa uziva ungahoywanga kubudlelwane
Indlela yokujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo? Yoyisa imiqobo yonxibelelwano kunye nokuseka imijelo yeengxoxo ezinyanisekileyo nezisuka entliziyweni. Xa umntu engakuhoyi ngenjongo, inokuba yimpendulo kwingxabano kubudlelwane bakho.
Mhlawumbi, iqabane lakho liziva libekwe kwindawo ngalo lonke ixesha uzama ukusombulula imiba kwaye utyekelo lwabo lokungakuhoyi yindlela yokuzikhusela yokuchasa oko. Mhlawumbi, isizathu salo mzekelo wokuziphatha sinokulandelelwa kowabo umvandedwa wangaphambili.
Xa uthetha neqabane lakho okanye umntu omthandayo malunga nemiphumo yokungahoywa kubudlelwane, gxila ku 'Mna' kunokuba 'wena'. Baxelele ukuba olu tshintsho lukwenza uzive njani ngaphandle kokubeka ityala okanye ukwenza izityholo. Ukujongana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo, kusenokufuneka ubabonise icala lakho elisengozini.
6. Bhalisela iingcebiso
Xa uziva ungahoywa kubudlelwane kwaye ipateni iqala ukufana nokuziphatha okugwenxa, ukuhlukaniswa ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukukhohlisa, luphawu lokuba ufuna uncedo. Lixesha lokuba wena neqabane lakho nixoxe ngokufuna iingcebiso kwaye nithethe nochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo.
Ukuziva ulilolo nangona ungewedwa ngamava abuhlungu ngokwasengqondweni kwaye ufanelwe ngcono kunoko. Iqabane lakho nalo linokuba nemizabalazo yalo yangaphakathi okanye ukothuka okubenza baziphathe ngolu hlobo. Amaxesha amaninzi, kunzima ukwenza olu nxulumano ngokwethu.
Kulapho unyango lwesibini lunokwenza umahluko omkhulu, lukuvumela ukuba ulungise imiba yakho kunokuba uvumele ingqumbo yakhe kubudlelwane ngokuhamba kwexesha.
7. Yiba ngumlandeli wakho omkhulu
Umbhali waseMelika kunye nesithethi senkuthazo, uJack Canfield uthi, "Awunakutshintsha nabani na kodwa abantu bayatshintsha ngokunxulumene notshintsho lwakho. Bonke ubudlelwane yinkqubo, kwaye xa nayiphi na inxalenye yenkqubo iguquka, ichaphazela enye indawo."
Yeka ukuzicingela okwesibini okanye ukuthembela kwimvume yabanye abantu ukonyusa ukuzithemba kwakho. Zithande, kwaye ube ngumlandeli wakho omkhulu. Zivuze ngawo wonke umsebenzi owenziwe kakuhle. I-Positivity iyosulela kwaye iphindaphindeka ngokwabelana. Uya kuba ngumntu wonke umntu oqaphelayo kwaye ufumana kunzima ukungahoyi. Ukuba akukho nto yimbi, iqabane lakho liya kunyanzeleka ukuba likubuze isizathu solonwabo lwakho!
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezili-13 omawuzenze xa umyeni wakho engakuhoyi
8. Qhawula umjikelo
Xa umntu engakuhoyi ngenjongo, yindlela yabo yokukhupha impendulo kuwe. Mhlawumbi niya kulwa, nigqabhuke, nibhodloke kwaye nikhale, okanye nicele uthando lwabo. Xa ubanika nayiphi na kwezi mpendulo, uba lixhoba lokukhohlisa.
Ke, yaphula umjikelo wokuphathwa gadalala ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokukhohlisa ngokungangqinisisi iinzame zabo zokukuhoya ngempendulo abayilindeleyo. Ukuba ukukhohlisa kunye nemidlalo yengqondo ayisebenzi kuwe, baya kunyanzeleka ukuba bayishiye indlela. Xa oko kusenzeka, ekugqibeleni unokusebenzela ukuseka iindlela eziphilileyo zokusombulula impixano kubudlelwane bakho.
Ukufumana impendulo yendlela yokuhlangabezana nokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kusenokubonakala kulucelomngeni ekuqaleni. Ungawoyisa lo mqobo ngokuqonda ukuba nangona le pateni ingenampilo ivela kuwe, iyaphumelela kwindlela osabela ngayo kuyo. Xa uyeka ukondla i-monster yokuthula kunye ne-vibes ebandayo kubudlelwane, ekugqibeleni iya kuba buthathaka kwaye ibune. Kwakhona khumbula ukuba amaxesha amaninzi, incoko enyanisekileyo kunye nokuvula intliziyo yakho kumntu omthandayo kwaye umkhathalele konke okufunekayo ukujika igqabi elitsha.
FAQs
Ukungamhoyi umntu ngokuqinisekileyo akusiso isenzo sothando. Ukuba ngaba awuhoywa kubudlelwane, ayikuko nje ukulunga kuwe kodwa kudala umdlalo wamandla ongalunganga kubudlelwane bakho. Imiphumo yengqondo yokungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo inokwenzakalisa ngokweemvakalelo ekuhambeni kwexesha. Ingcinga nje yokwenza impazamo yokungahoywa njengesenzo sothando, ibonisa ukuba unyawo lwakho lusemgibeni.
Xa umntu engakuhoyi ngabom, wenza loo nto mhlawumbi ukukwahlukanisa naye kwaye enethemba lokuba uya kuqonda ukuba akanamdla kuwe, ngaphandle kokuba akuchaze. Esinye isizathu sokungamhoyi umntu inokuba kukukhohlisa impendulo okanye indlela asabela ngayo kuye. Ukuba ngaba awuhoywa kubudlelwane, amathuba okuba bayayazi into ekwenza ukuba uphawule kwaye ungakuhoyi liqhinga elikhohlisayo abalisebenzisayo ukufezekisa impembelelo yengqondo okanye yokuziphatha abayifunayo kuwe.
Okokuqala, qiniseka ukuba awuhoywa kwaye ayikokuphendula ngokugqithisileyo. Emva koko, zama ukucinga ngokwembono yomnye umntu – ingaba kungenzeka ukuba mva nje baxakeke kakhulu kwaye bafuna indawo ethile? Ziphazamise ukuze ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo kungakuchaphazeli ngokwasengqondweni. Ukuba nasemva kokubanika ixesha elithile lokuphumla, izinto azibuyeli kwindlela ebeziyiyo okanye ubudlelwane bakho bubonakala busingisa ukuhla, nxibelelana. Buza iqabane lakho ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kwaye nixoxe ngalo mba. Ukuba oko akuyisombululi ingxaki kwaye ukrokrela ukukhohlisa, musa ukusabela ngendlela iqabane lakho elilindele ukuba wenze ngalo - unamandla kunoko, kwaye uyakwazi oko!
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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
