Iimpawu ezingama-21 ezicacileyo zomtsalane ongathethwayo phakathi kwabantu ababini

Umtsalane ongathethwayo ufana nengoma ezolileyo edlalwa phakathi kwabantu ababini—eviweyo kodwa engavakaliswanga. Ngokungafaniyo nokutyumza kwicala elinye, yimvakalelo yamacala amabini yokutsaleleka kothando ekungekho qela alivakalise ngokucacileyo. Ikhemistri ihlala iqondakala, idluliswa ngeendlela ezifihlakeleyo, kodwa ezingenakuphikiswa. Olu hlobo lomtsalane luthwala amandla onxibelelwano olunentsingiselo kodwa lubashiya bobabini abantu bekwimo yokungacaci, bengaqinisekanga ukuba iimvakalelo ziyahambelana. Ukuphonononga le miqondiso ithuleyo kunokunika ingcaciso malunga nokuba lixesha lokuguqula into engathethwayo ibe yinto ebalulekileyo.

I-chemistry engabonakaliyo idla ngokuziva ngathi idonsa magnetic. Ayikokutsaleleka nje ngokwasemzimbeni kodwa kukutsaleleka okunzulu, okungathethwayo okukugcina ucinga ngabo naxa bengekho. Nokuba kukwigumbi elinabantu abaninzi okanye umzuzu ozolileyo phakathi kwenu nobabini, la maxesha aphatha imvakalelo yombane. Le mvakalelo yokutsaleleka ngokothando—ngaphandle kokuthetha-thethana—inokunxilisa, ukanti ikwangumthombo wesiphithiphithi esikhulu sangaphakathi. Ukuze siqonde ngcono, sathetha nogqirha wengqondo waseCalifornia kunye ne-Cognitive Behavior Therapist uDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwi-psychiatry), ojongene nokucebisa ngokuhlukana kunye noqhawulo-mtshato, ukuhlukana kunye nokuthandana, kunye nemiba yokuhambelana ngaphambi komtshato. Apha zi 

Yintoni Umtsalane Ongathethwayo?

UGqr. Batra uthi, “Ukutsalelana okungathethwayo (okwahlukileyo kuthando olucalanye ) yimvakalelo yothando phakathi kwabantu ababini kodwa ayizange ichazwe ngokucacileyo ngamazwi. Idla ngokudluliselwa ngeempawu ezifihlakeleyo ezicacileyo kodwa ezingabonakaliyo ngokupheleleyo.” Ngokungafaniyo nothando oludlulayo, lusekelwe kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezifihlakeleyo neziphindaphindwayo kunye nokusebenzisana, okufana noku:

• Ukujonga kancinci
• Ukuhleka kovalo
• Ukutsalwa kazibuthe ukuba kufutshane enye kwenye

Olu hlobo loxhulumaniso luhlala lushiya omabini amaqela ebuza ukubaluleka kwawo, njengoko ubume obungachazwanga bebhondi bugcina ubudlelwane kwi-limbo. Ngaphandle kokungaqiniseki, la maxesha oqhagamshelwano anokuthi thaca ekuqalekeni kobudlelwane obunentsingiselo xa kuthethwa ngokuphandle. Umtsalane ongathethwayo udla ngokubonakala ngeempawu ezizenzekelayo zokutsalwa. Ezi zinokususela kwiimpawu zomzimba ezifana nabafundi abahlanjululweyo ukuya kwiimpawu zengqondo ezifana nokuba sesichengeni kunye nesidingo sokusondelana. Kwiimeko ezininzi, uthando olungathethwayo luqala njengexeshana kodwa lukhula lube yinto enzulu ngakumbi.

Wazi njani ukuba umtsalane phakathi kwabantu ababini yinyani?

Ubunyani bokutsaleleka okungathethwayo budla ngokuxhomekeka ekubeni kuyaguquka kube lunxibelelwano olucacileyo kunye nesenzo. UGqr. Batra ucebisa athi, “Ukungacaci kokutsaleleka okungathethwayo kuyachulumancisa kodwa akunamveliso ukuba kuhlala ixesha elide. Endaweni yokuhlala ungazinzanga, kutheni ungaqalisi incoko ngayo? Isenokususa iingcamango eziphosakeleyo, ikhokelele kulwalamano lokwenene, okanye ikusindise ekungalahlweni. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ukucaca kubalulekile.”

Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngokwaneleyo malunga noqhagamshelo ukuze ujongane nomnye umntu okwangoku, nantsi imiqondiso yokutsala umdla omnye ekufuneka uyijongile:

• Qwalasela ukungaguquguquki: Izenzo ezingaguquguqukiyo ekuhambeni kwexesha, njengokujonga rhoqo okanye ipateni yesipili, ibonisa ukuba le nto uyiqaphelayo ayiyonto nje yethamsanqa.
• Jonga ukuba sesichengeni: Abantu abakhathalayo banokuyeka ukulinda kwabo okanye babelane ngeenkalo ezinzulu zabo
• Vavanya ukuvakala kweemvakalelo: Ngaba unxibelelwano lwakho lushiya umbono ongapheliyo okanye unxibelelwano?
• Cinga ngeempendulo zangaphandle: Abahlobo okanye abantu osebenza nabo banokuqhubeka iimpawu zokutsalelana, ngamanye amaxesha ngaphambi kokuba wenze

Umtsalane ongathethwayo ukhula kwiimvakalelo zokwenyani kunye namandla okwabelwana ngawo. Ukuqaphela iimpawu kwangethuba kunokuthintela ukungaqondani kwaye kukuncede wenze isigqibo malunga nendlela yokuya phambili.

Iimpawu ezicacileyo ezingama-21 zomtsalane ongathethwayo

Umzuzwana wokuhleka kunye, ukujonga ixesha elide, okanye ukutsala umntu ngendlela engaqondakaliyo kunokuvuselela uthotho lwemibuzo: Ngaba kukho enye into apha? UGqr. Batra uyachaza, “Xa amazwi engekho, izenzo zithetha lukhulu. Ukutsalana okungathethwayo kudla ngokuba yindibaniselwano yeendlela zokuziphatha ezingabonakaliyo, kodwa ezihlala zihleli ezinokuvakala zivuyisa kwaye zibhidisa.” Apha ngezantsi, sichaza iimpawu ezingama-21 ezicacileyo zokuba umntu uyakuthanda kodwa ekufihla oko.

1. Ukujonga ngokukhawuleza

Beba ukukrwaqula xa becinga ukuba awubajongi, kodwa bajonge ecaleni ngokukhawuleza xa bebanjiwe. La maxesha adlulayo atyhila umnqweno ongekho zingqondweni wokukubona. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, oku kujonga msinya kunokujika kube kukujongwa ixesha elide, kudale incoko ethe cwaka eziva ingumntu ngokunzulu.

2. Ukuchukumisa okuchuliweyo

UGqr. Batra uthi, “Ukubrasha isandla ngengozi, ukuchukumisa kancinci egxalabeni, okanye ukuma usondele kakhulu kunokubonisa iimvakalelo ezinzulu.” Ukunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni —nokuba kukwimo engabonakaliyo—kudala uvakalelo lokusondelana nokusondelelana.

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3. Ukulinganisa izenzo zakho

Balinganisa izijekulo zakho, ithowuni, okanye ukuma kwakho bengazi, bebonisa unxibelelwano ngokwasengqondweni. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba woyama esandleni sakho, banokwenza kwangaxeshanye. Olu lungelelwaniso lwezenzo ludla ngokuba lolunye lweempawu zokutsaleka okungathethwayo emsebenzini, ngakumbi ukuba omnye umntu akakwazi kakuhle ukuba abandakanyeke kwiincoko zothando.

4. Ukufumana izizathu zokuthetha nawe 

Echaza iimpawu zokuba nobabini niyazifihla iimvakalelo zenu, uGqr. Batra uthi, “Bazama ngandlela zonke ukuqalisa incoko, nokuba umxholo uyinto engenamsebenzi. Kwaye nawe uyaqhubeka nencoko , nangona umxholo unjalo.” Nokuba kukucela uluvo lwakho ngento eqhelekileyo okanye ukwabelana ngebali elingacwangciswanga, olu nxibelelwano lubonisa umnqweno wokugcina unxibelelwano luphila.

5. Ukuncoma rhoqo 

UGqr. Batra uthi: “Xa umntu ekuthanda, uhlala ekuncoma ngendlela enyanisekileyo nenikela ingqalelo. Umzekelo:

• Emva kwenkcazo-ntetho, baya kwenza ingongoma yokutsho ukuba wenze umsebenzi omhle
• Ukuba uvavanya isimbo sakho okanye uzame umbala omtsha, baya kuba ngabokuqala ukukuqaphela nokukuncoma

Le ngqalelo kwiinkcukacha ityhila ukuncoma kunye nomtsalane.

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6. Ukukhumbula iinkcukacha ezincinci 

Esinye sezibonakaliso zokutsalelana komntu omnye kukuba bakhumbula izinto ezithile malunga nezinto ozithandayo, amabali, okanye imikhwa abanye abanokuyityeshela. Ukukhankanya into oyithethileyo kwiiveki ezidlulileyo, njenge -odolo yakho yekofu oyithandayo okanye i-peeve ethile yesilwanyana sasekhaya, kubonisa ukuba bebesoloko beyinikel’ ingqalelo kwaye beyixabisa into owabelana ngayo.

7. Umdla wequbuliso kwizinto ozonwabisa ngazo 

Banomdla obonakalayo kwiminqweno yakho, nokuba bathathe njengeyabo. Oku kunokuthetha ukuba:

• Ukuzama umdlalo owuthandayo
• Ukubukela umboniso owucetyisileyo
• Okanye nje kubuza imibuzo ukufunda ngakumbi malunga nento oyithandayo

8. Ukungqiyama ngaphakathi 

Nantsi enye yeempawu ezibukhali zekhemistry ngokwesondo. Ngexesha leengxoxo, basondela ngokusondeleyo, banciphisa indawo ebonakalayo phakathi kwakho. Esi senzo sihlala siziva ngathi sisethuku kwaye siluphawu lokuthembana, intuthuzelo, kunye nomtsalane. Ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba ayithethi umtsalane okanye iziganeko nje ezimbalwa, nali icebiso. Jongani imifanekiso ethathiweyo xa nobabini nihleli neqela. Ukuba uninzi, okanye kuzo zonke, kwiifoto, bafumana indlela yokuba ecaleni kwakho kwaye babonakale bexhomekeke ekusondeleni, mhlawumbi yenye yeempawu zokutsaleleka okungathethwayo phakathi kwabahlobo.

9. Ukuba neentloni ngakuwe 

UGqr. Batra uthi, “Ukubonakala kombala ebusweni babo ngequbuliso xa ukufutshane—okanye xa umntu ekhankanya igama lakho—yenye yeempawu zokutsaleleka ezizenzekelayo .” Oku kubonisa ukuba negama lakho lanele ukubanika amabhabhathane, nokuba bazama kangakanani na ukulifihla.

10. Ukuhleka iziqhulo zakho 

Nokuba amahlaya akho awaphumeleli, ayahleka ngokunyanisekileyo. Le yenye yeempawu eziqhelekileyo zokuba umntu uyakuthanda kodwa uyakufihla oko. Ibonisa ukuzimisela ukunxibelelana nokufumana uvuyo phambi kwakho. Lo msebenzisi weReddit wabelane, “Ukuba abantu ababini bayajongana xa behleka kwiqela. Ndikholelwe, lityala eliqinisekileyo lokuba bayathandana”

11. Ukufumana izizathu zokuba kufutshane nawe 

Esinye sezibonakaliso zokutsaleleka okungathethwayo phakathi kwabantu osebenza nabo kukuba badla ngokufumana iindlela zokuhlala nawe. Oku kunokubonakala ngolu hlobo:

• Ukuza kwidesika yakho ukuze ucele uncedo ngento ethile, nokuba abayidingi
• Ukuvuka uyokufuna amanzi/ikofu/isnacks ngaxeshanye nawe
• Ukutya isidlo sasemini kunye

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12. Ukuqhula ngokudlalayo 

Bakuhlekisa ngobunono okanye bakuhlekise ngendlela evakala ngathi inomtsalane. Ukuthethana ngokudlala kudla ngokubonisa intuthuzelo kunye nonxibelelwano olunzulu lweemvakalelo . Nangona le ndlela yokuziphatha ibonakala phakathi kwabantu osebenza nabo, yenye yezona mpawu ziqhelekileyo zokutsalelana okungathethwayo phakathi kwabahlobo njengoko ukuqhula kufuna ukuba nikhululeke omnye komnye. Ngokufanayo, ngaba ukudlala ukulwa luphawu lokutsalelana phakathi kwabahlobo? Kunjalo kanye!

13. Ukuncoma ii-quirks zakho 

Bafumana iimpawu zakho ezikhethekileyo—ezo unokucinga ukuba zingaqhelekanga—zithandeka kwaye zikhethekile. Ukugxininisa ezi mpawu kusenokuba yindlela yabo yokubonakalisa iimvakalelo zabo zothando nokunconywa. Ngoko ke, bona ukuba bayayincoma na iinwele zakho ezimdaka okanye ukuba ungayisombulula ngokukhawuleza kangakanani ityhubhu yerubik. Uyayiqonda intsingiselo.

14. Ukudibana kwamehlo okongeziweyo

UGqr. Batra uthi, “Xa umntu ekuthanda, amehlo akhe ahlala kuwe ixesha elide kunakwabanye. Olu nxibelelwano lwamehlo olungathethwayo luvakala luyimfihlo kwaye lusondelelene kakhulu.” Lo msebenzisi weReddit ubeka oku kakuhle kakhulu, “Akusiyo nje indlela eqhelekileyo yokunxibelelana emehlweni. Kukujonga emehlweni aloo mntu. Xa ekuthanda, bakujonga emehlweni akho, kunokuba bakujonge. Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndingachaza njani, kodwa le yeyona ndlela ingcono endinokuyichaza. Kufana nokuba bafuna ukufikelela kwiinzulu zomphefumlo wakho…njengokuba bafuna ukwazi yonke into ngawe baze bakwazi ngcono.”

15. Ngalo lonke ixesha ubonakala ujongeka kakuhle kuwe 

Benza umzamo owongezelelweyo kwinkangeleko yabo nanini na xa besazi ukuba baya kukubona. Oku kulungiselela kuthe cwaka kubonisa umnqweno wabo wokukuchukumisa nokutsala umdla. Ngoko qalisa ukujonga ezi mpawu:

• Ngaba sele beqalisile ukunxiba ngcono mva nje?
• Ngaba ukhe wababhaqa belungisa iinwele zabo / izimonyo ngakuwe?
• Ngaba sele beqalisile ukunxiba iziqholo eziphawuleka ngakumbi ngakuwe?

Ezi mpawu zibonakala ngakumbi xa kukho unxibelelwano olungathethwayo phakathi kwabantu osebenza nabo, kuba abantu abaqhele ukungaziboni isidingo sokunxiba kakuhle emsebenzini ngaphandle kokuba bazama ukukholisa umntu abasebenza naye.

16. Ukuba nomona kwabanye 

Babonisa iimpawu ezifihlakeleyo zokungakhululeki xa omnye umntu efumana ingqalelo yakho. Oku kungenxa yokutshintsha kwesimo okanye utshintsho kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo. Yithi uthetha ngomhlobo, okanye owayesakuba njalo, ngokumncoma. Ukuba umntu uyakuthanda, baya:

• Babonise ukungakhululeki kulwimi lomzimba wabo
• Yenza isizathu sokuhamba
• Zama ukutshintsha isihloko
• Buza imibuzo ethe ngqo yokulandelela ukufumanisa ukuba uziva uthandana nalo "mhlobo"

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17. Ukuthelekisa amandla akho 

Baziqhelanisa nokuziphatha kwabo ukuze babonise umoya wakho kunye namanqanaba amandla. Olu ngqamaniso ludala imvisiswano kwaye lubonise unxibelelwano oluqinileyo, olulinganayo. Oku kunokubonwa kwizinto ezincinci ezifana nezi:

• Ukuba nexhala xa unovalo malunga nento
• Ukuhleka ngakumbi xa uziva unesizungu 
• Ukuyothula xa uziva uphantsi

18. Ukufuna uluvo lwakho

Bahlala becela iingcinga zakho kwizigqibo, nokuba zincinci okanye zibalulekile. Ukuxabisa igalelo lakho kubonisa intlonipho kunye nonxibelelwano olunzulu lweemvakalelo. Ukuba kukho ukutsalana okungathethwanga phakathi kwabantu osebenza nabo, banokucela izimvo ezinxulumene nomsebenzi. Okanye kwimeko ekhululekileyo, kunokubonakala ngathi kuthatha izimvo malunga nempahla, iingcebiso zeencwadi/zeemuvi, njl.njl.

19. Ukuhlala ixesha elide kunesidingo 

UGqr. Batra uthi: “Enoba yincoko, intlanganiso, okanye isiganeko, zithatha ixesha elingaphaya kwemfuneko.” Obu bukho bexesha elide bubonisa ukungafuni kwabo ukushiya inkampani yakho. Nantsi eminye imizekelo: 

• Kwintlanganiso, bahlala benombuzo okanye amathandabuzo okucoca
• Emva kwepati, ngandlela ithile i-uber yabo ihlala ilandela eyakho
• Okanye, ukuba banesibindi ngakumbi, bahlala benikezela ukuhamba nawe ukuya naphi na apho upakwe khona ukuze babe nawe kude kube ngumzuzu wokugqibela. 

20. Uvalo olukhawulezileyo 

Babonakala bengakhululekanga okanye bedidekile xa ukho, nto leyo ebonisa ukuba bayazi kakuhle ukuba ukho. La mandla ovalo adla ngokutyhila umdla wabo omkhulu . Umsebenzisi weReddit wabelane ngento abacinga ukuba luphawu lonxibelelwano olungathethwayo, “Xa ethetha kakuhle, uya kuthambekela ekukhubekeni ngamazwi akhe xa ethetha nawe. Uya kuba nobuhlobo, kodwa uya kubonakala engathandeki xa ekunye nawe.”

21. Loo mvakalelo yamathumbu 

Ekugqibeleni, uGqr. Ukuthembela kwi-intuition yakho kunokuba linyathelo lokuqala lokuvuma umtsalane ongathethwayo. Ke, ukuba akukho zimpawu zicacileyo kodwa awunakuyeka ukuzibuza, “Xa usiva umbane nomntu, ngaba naye uyawuva?” inye kuphela indlela yokufumanisa. Hamba uye kuthetha nabo!

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Iingcinga Final

Umtsalane ongachazwanga lunxibelelwano oluchulumancisayo kunye noluyimfihlakalo oluhlala luziva umbane. Ukuqaphela ezi mpawu kunokukunceda ukuba ujikeleze ukungaqondakali kwaye wenze isigqibo sokuba ulungise iimvakalelo zakho. Umtsalane omnye komnye sisiseko esihle sobudlelwane obunokwenzeka, kodwa ukucaca-ngonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo-lujika iimpawu zokutsalwa okungabonakaliyo emsebenzini zibe yinto ebonakalayo. Nika ingqalelo kwiimpawu, themba intuition yakho, kwaye ungathandabuzi ukuphonononga okunokwenzeka xa ixesha livakala lilungile. Uthando olungathethwayo, xa lukhuliswe, lunamandla okukhula lube yinto ephawulekayo.

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Igalelo lakho alilomnikelo wesisa . Liza kuvumela iBonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha noluhlaziyiweyo ekuzameni kwethu ukunceda nabani na emhlabeni ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.