Umyeni wam wandiqhatha nendoda

Ukusabalalisa uthando

My umyeni wandiqhatha nendoda kwaye andazi nokuba ndiphendule njani. Uva ngamadoda atshatileyo aqhatha nabafazi, kodwa abambe umyeni wam echeat nenye indoda? Kuvakala ngathi kukubethelwa kabini. Ndifumene imiyalezo kwi phone yakhe. Uyafunga ukuba yinto yobusuku obunye, impazamo yobudenge ebangelwa yi-stress yomsebenzi kwaye uziva enqatshelwe kum. Inxalenye yam ifuna ukumkholelwa, ngenxa yentombi yethu. But the other part feels so betrayed, like everything I thought I knew about him nomtshato wethu bubuxoki.

Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba usisitabane? Okanye ngaba ufana nesini? Andikholelwa ukuba andizange ndiyazi ukuba wayenomdla emadodeni. Ukuba undifihlele le nto ingaka, indenza ndizibuze ukuba yintoni enye endingayaziyo ngaye. Ndingacinga njani ukuhlala naye emva koku? Kuvakala ngathi luhlobo olubi ngakumbi lokukopela ngandlela ithile. Intombi yam yeyona nto indikhathazayo. Ndiyenza njani le meko ndinomonakalo omncinci kuye?

Impendulo:

Ukukopa kukodwa kubuhlungu kwaye kubuhlungu. Umbuzo wakho isini somyeni yenza nzima ngakumbi izinto, njengoko kusenokuvakala ngathi ubungamazi. Isenzo nje sokubona ezo zibhalo kwifowuni yakhe sinokuba buhlungu kwaye ngokwaso.
Kuya kuba ngcono ukuba ungafuna iingcebiso zomtshato kuni nobabini, kuba kunokubakho iinuances ezininzi zokutyhila ezinokuthi zenzelwe kuphela imeko yomntu ngamnye. Iingcebiso zomtshato zinokukunceda uqonde into ekufuneka uyenzile okanye ofuna ukuyenza ngokulandelayo.
Ngaphandle kokufuna uncedo lobuchwephesha, izinto ezimbalwa onokuthi uhlale uzikhumbula ziya kuba:

Zibandakanye kukuzikhathalela. Ezi ndaba kumele ukuba zothuse kakhulu, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ziya kuba buhlungu kakhulu. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukubeka phambili impilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo. Ungakwenza oko ngokuthi: uqinisekise ukuba ukunonophela ukutya nokulala kwakho (kangangoko kunokwenzeka), ufune inkxaso kumntu omthembileyo ukuba ungamgwebi kwaye uzivumele ukuba uzive uvakalelo lwakho.
Zikhumbuze ukuba akukho ndlela ilungileyo okanye ingalunganga yokuziva. Iimvakalelo zakho zinyanisekile.
Kungangcono ukuseka imida ethile ukuze ukwazi ukuseta oku ngokwaneleyo ukuba ucinge ngakumbi. Nokuba sisithuba kunye nexesha kude nomyeni wakho, okanye isiqinisekiso kuye.
Cinga unyango lobuqu ngokunjalo, ukuba umtshato Ingcebiso ayisiyiyo inketho, njengoko unyango lunokukunceda ukuba usebenze kwaye uhlele ezi mvakalelo zinzima. Inokukunceda ukuba ujongane nokungaqiniseki okutsha okujikeleze ikamva lakho nentombi yakho.
Qinisekisa ukuba awuzibeki tyala ngale nto. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba bekukho iingxaki emtshatweni wakho ngaphambi kokuba niqhathe, kodwa ezo zenzo azikuthetheleli kwaphela oko.

Kukho izibini ezininzi ezikhetha ukuhlala kunye kwaye zisebenze izinto emva kokungathembeki, kwaye ziphume zinamandla kwelinye icala. Izibini eziphumelelayo zinezizathu ezivakalayo zokwenza oko: ziyathandana, ziyazithanda iintsapho zazo kwaye zingabahlobo bokwenene. Izizathu ezibangelwa kukuziva unetyala neentloni aziwubambi umtshato kunye yaye ekugqibeleni zibangela ukuba kubekho inzondo. Ukugcina umtshato kunye kwakhona kuthatha inzame efanelekileyo evela kumaqabane omabini ukuze kwakhiwe kwakhona ukuthembana kunye nobuhlobo kubudlelwane.

Ke, endaweni yokubuza into ekufuneka uyenzile, zibuze ukuba unayo na kuwe wakha ngokutsha umtshato wakho kwaye ukuba umyeni wakho unokubonelela ngezinto ozidingayo ukwenza lo mtshato usebenze. Ngokuchaseneyo, kubalulekile ukujongana nokuba unako ukunika oko akufunayo.

Inkxalabo yakho ngentombi yakho ibekwe kakuhle kwaye iyaqondakala ngokupheleleyo. Nangona akulungile okanye kunokwenzeka ukumfihla ngokupheleleyo ukuba kukho iingxaki phakathi kwabazali bakhe, unokunyamekela izinto ezimbalwa zokuqinisekisa ukuba uphila kakuhle ngale ndlela yokuziphatha enzima.

Khuthaza unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo ngokwazisa intombi yakho ukuba ufuna ukuyenzela indawo ekhuselekileyo, kwaye inokukubuza nayiphi na imibuzo enokuba nayo. Abantwana badla ngokuba krelekrele yaye banengqondo ngaphezu kokuba sibazukisa ngako. Intombi yakho isenokuba inemibuzo kunye nezinto ezimkhathazayo kwaye ifuna indawo ekhuselekileyo yokuthetha nabazali bayo.
Gcina ukhumbula ukwabelana naye ngengcaciso ehambelana neminyaka yobudala kwaye uphephe ukumnika iinkcukacha ezininzi ezinokusithelisa ukuqonda kwakhe. Unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo aluthethi ukuba kufuneka wabelane naye ngazo zonke iinkcukacha. Kanye into afuna ukuyazi.
Qiniseka ukuba uyamqinisekisa ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwenzeka ntoni na phakathi kwabazali, wena nomyeni wakho nimthanda gqitha. Phambi kwentombi yakho, kubalulekile ukuveza njengembumba emanyeneyo. Enye into eniya kuvumelana ngayo nomyeni wakho kukuxhalabela impilo-ntle yentombi yakho. Abantwana badla ngokuzibeka ityala ngeengxaki zabazali babo.
Zama ukubonelela ngozinzo olukhulu kwisiqhelo kuye kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Ukuba inkqubo yakhe yesiqhelo iyasuswa ngenxa yaso nasiphi na isizathu, qinisekisa ukuba ufumana ingqalelo nenkxaso eyaneleyo kuwe, kolunye usapho kunye nesikolo sakhe.
Zinyamekele ukuze ube ekhoyo ngokweemvakalelo– ukuhoya intombi yakho. Ukuba awuphilanga ngokwasemoyeni, kuya kufuduswa kumntwana wakho, kwaye akenzanga nto ifanele ukuba oko. Ngoko, ukuba kunzima ukuzinyamekela ngenxa yakho, yenzela intombi yakho.
Ukuba usenexhala, cinga ngokulungiselela intlanganiso nomntwana wesayikholojisti ukuze ahlangabezane neemfuno zeemvakalelo nezengqondo zentombi yakho.

FAQs

1.⁠ Ukuba umyeni wam waqhatha nendoda, ngaba loo nto ithetha ukuba uligay?

Akunjalo. Ukuziqhelanisa ngokwesondo kuntsonkothile kwaye akunakumiselwa ngokusekelwe kwisehlo esinye okanye kwisimo esinye.
Ukuba umyeni wakho udibene ngesondo nenye indoda, oko kunokubonisa ukuba unenqanaba elithile lomtsalane kumadoda, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba uchonga njenge-gay. Abantu banokuba namava okanye indlela yokuziphatha engahambelaniyo nokhetho lwabo lwezesondo okanye ubuni, kwaye kunokubakho izizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo zokuzibandakanya kukuziphatha okunjalo, kuquka ukufun’ ukwazi, ukulinga, okanye ezinye izinto zobuqu.

2. Indlela yokwazi ukuba umyeni wam ulala?

Kubalulekile ukuba ube nonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo nolunyanisekileyo nomyeni wakho malunga neemvakalelo zakho, izinto ezikuxhalabisayo kunye nemibuzo malunga nale meko. Ukufuna inkxaso kwi-therapist okanye umcebisi onolwazi malunga nemiba enxulumene nokuziphatha ngokwesondo kunye nokungathembeki kunokuba luncedo ekuhambeni kwesi sihloko esinzima kunye nesibucayi. Ekugqibeleni, ngumyeni wakho kuphela onokumisela kwaye achaze indlela yakhe yesini kunye nesazisi, kwaye kubalulekile ukujongana nale meko ngovelwano, ukuqonda kunye nentlonipho kuwe kunye nomyeni wakho.

NdinguMfazi onesini esiBisexual etshate neNdoda

Iimpawu ezili-10 zokuthandana ngokwesini esiBise kuMadoda

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.