Abesifazane Abashisayo Nababandayo, Kungani Benza Ngalendlela?

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Ukubhekana nabesifazane abashisayo nababandayo kuyinto okumele ngabe uhlangane nayo okungenani kanye empilweni yakho njengendoda. Kuyakhungathekisa ukuzulazula, kukushiye ungenalutho ngaphandle kwemibuzo futhi kungase kukukhathaze njengoba uzama ukumthola. Ngolunye usuku, uyakuthanda kakhulu futhi ufuna ukukusa e-Machu Picchu. Ngolunye usuku, akakubongi nokuthi uvale ingxenye yakhe yemisebenzi yasekhaya. Kumele ikuhlanyise, siyakuthola. Kodwa esikhundleni sokugxeka ukushintsha kwemizwa yabo kanye nesayensi yezinto eziphilayo, cabanga ukuthi kunokuthile okuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu okwenzeka lapha.

Ukuze sijule kakhulu ngabesifazane abashisa kakhulu nokuthi yini ebenza babe njalo, ake sibheke umbuzo ofanele ophakanyiswe ngomunye wabafundi bethu namuhla. Ephendula lo mbuzo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esilulekayo kanye nomqeqeshi wamakhono okuphila oqinisekisiwe uDeepak Kashyap (iMasters in Psychology of Education), ogxile ezinkingeni ezahlukene zempilo yengqondo, okuhlanganisa i-LGBTQ kanye nokwelulekwa okuvaliwe, kusisiza ukuthi sinqume ukuziphatha okuvamile okushisayo nokubandayo.

Ufuna ekugcineni uqonde ukuthi kwenzekani ekhanda lakho crush lapho leyo ntombazane ngokuzumayo izenzo ezibandayo? Noma sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uthole impendulo yokuthi kungani umkakho ekhombisa ukuziphatha okudidayo kuwe? Ngemininingwane yempilo yangempela, masiyihlukanise.

Ukubhekana Nabesifazane Abashisayo Nababandayo

Okuqukethwe

UMB: Intombi yami iba nalezi zigaba lapho ingithanda kakhulu nakwabanye lapho igxile kwezinye izinto ezifana nomsebenzi wayo, abangani, njll. Kwesinye isigaba, kuba sengathi angikho. Uyashintshashintsha, futhi ngaleso sikhathi, ngisala ngizibuza, kungani ekude futhi engigwema? Ingabe kukhona okungalungile engikwenzile? Ngezinye izikhathi ukhuluma kakhulu futhi kwabanye uthule kakhulu. Lezi zigaba ezithule ziyangikhathaza kakhulu futhi zingenza ngizibuze ukuthi kungani eshisa futhi ebanda ekuziphatheni kwakhe. Kungenza ngizibuze ukuthi ubecabangani. Ngizichaza kanjani lezi zigaba?

Kusuka kuchwepheshe:

Impendulo: Unomuntu oseduze kwakho, ongeyena iphutha lakhe, oyinkimbinkimbi njengoba kunjalo ngabesifazane abaningi abashisayo nababandayo. Ngezindleko zokuzwakala sengathi uyagcona (ekhanda lami ngiyahlekisa nje), qagela ukuthini? Sonke siyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Akekho kithi oza nencwadi yomsebenzisi enamathiselwe kithi. Iningi lethu lizama ukusesha nokubhala leyo ncwadi isikhathi esiningi sokuphila kwethu kwabantu abadala. Uma kungekho ncwadi enjalo, efiseleka kakhulu kodwa engekho, umuntu kufanele athembele kumakhono amabili amakhulu abantu abaningi abanawo noma abangawathuthukisa - ukwamukela kanye nokuxhumana okuhle.

Yamukela ukuthi kukhona zonke izinhlobo zabantu kule planethi futhi uzitshele ukuthi, "Umlingani wami akudingeki abe nakho konke engikufunayo." Sengikushilo lokho, ngiyabuqonda ubuhlungu nokudideka umuntu angase akuzwe ebusweni besithandwa sakhe sishisa futhi sibanda, nokho ngokungaqondile. Ukuziphatha kwakhe kungase kube ngenxa yezizathu ezimbalwa, engingafuni ukuqagela ngazo, ngaphandle kokuhlangana naye, futhi kwenze izinto zibe nzima kuwe ngokukwenza ukholelwe izinto ezingase ziqhelelene neqiniso. Imizamo yami lapha igxile kakhulu ekusizeni ukuthi uthuthukise amakhono okubhekana nokuziphatha okudidayo futhi kwesinye isikhathi okuphikisanayo.

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Esikhundleni sokuhlala ubuza ukuthi, “Kungani engiqhelelanisa noma engigwema?”, cabanga ngalokhu: ngezinye izikhathi abantu abaqapheli ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo okunawo kwabanye noma baye baba lukhuni kakhulu futhi bazivikela ngoba baye bahlaselwa kakhulu ngenxa yalokho abayikho kanye nendlela abaziphatha ngayo. Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abaye baboniswa isineke nomusa ukuze babasize baqonde uhlangothi oluyinkimbinkimbi futhi ngezinye izikhathi olungasebenzi kahle emphakathini lobuntu babo.

kungani eshisa futhi ebanda — Ngikhathele ukubuza, 'Kungani engiqhela futhi engigwema?'

Uthando kumele luhambisane nokubekezela okukhulu ebudlelwaneni nomusa. Mhlawumbe ungakubonisa lokho ngendlela yakho yokuxhumana, ngaphandle kwesimo sengqondo sokuzikhukhumeza okungenzeka ukuthi babaleka kuso esikhathini esidlule. Namathela olimini oluthi 'Mina' bese uchaza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, uma ubheka ukuntula kwakho amakhono okubhekana nobunzima babo bobuntu hhayi indlela abakwenza uzizwe ngayo. Ubudlelwano bunzima kodwa bubalulekile , khumbula lokho. Konke okuhle!

Izizathu Ezenza Intombazane Yakho Idlale Ngokushisa Futhi Kubanda

Abesifazane abashisayo nababandayo benza ngale ndlela ngoba kukhona okukhulu okunyakazayo ngaphakathi kubo. Kuphakathi kokuthi kunokuthile okungathi sína okwenzekayo ekuphileni kwabo, bazizwa benganakiwe ebudlelwaneni noma kunokuthile emqondweni wabo. Akukaze kube lutho nje. Kodwa njengomfana, kungase kube nzima ukukuthola lokho ngokwakho. Ngosizo oluncane oluvela kithi e-Bonobology namuhla, ungase ukwazi ukuba ngcono ekuxazululeni le puzzle. Kungani eshisa futhi ebanda kuwe? Nazi izincazelo ezimbalwa nje:

1. Uzizwa engalondekile

Ngokuvamile uma ubhekene nowesifazane ongazethembi , le nkinga yokuziphathisa kabi izongena ebuhlotsheni benu. Njengoba kunenkinga, ukungavumelani ngokomzwelo kanye nokungaqiniseki ngaphakathi kuye, ngeke akwazi ukuzibamba kodwa aveze okufanayo ekuxhumaneni kwakhe.

Kodwa qaphela ngokucophelela ukuthi lokhu kungazethembi kuhlobene kakhulu nobuhlobo bakhe nawe. Mhlawumbe ucasulwa ukuthi nina nobabili anikasebenzisi ithegi yobudlelwano noma akajabule ngokuthi anikamtshengisi uthando olwanele okwamanje. Kulokhu, akakwazi ukuzibamba kodwa azibuze futhi azizwe ekhungathekile ngawe.

2. Umuntu olungile, isimo sesikhathi esingalungile

Abesifazane abashisayo nababandayo kwesinye isikhathi benza ngendlela abenza ngayo uma sebengene ngokuphelele kuwena kodwa besaba ukuthi isikhathi sobudlelwano benu asilungile. Unemizwa ngawe, ungasiphathi kabi! Eqinisweni, imizwa yakhe ingase imxake kangangokuthi ngezinye izikhathi kufanele aziqhelelanise nawe futhi yingakho ezithela ngabandayo nawe.

Impendulo yokuthi, “I-crush yami iyashisa futhi iyabanda kimina futhi angiqondi ukuthi kungani”, kungenzeka kube lokhu. Badlala ngothando ngawe, benza yonke inhlobo yentuthuko bese behlehla lapho bezwa sengathi sebedlulele kakhulu. Lokhu bakwenza ngoba bekuthanda kodwa besaba ukucwilisa ezinyaweni zombili, futhi lokho kungaba nezizathu eziningi.

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3. Uyakuthokozela ukuba naye, kodwa akafuni ukuba serious kakhulu nawe

Izikhathi eziningi lapho intombazane iziphatha kabi ngokuzumayo, kungenxa yokuthi yesaba ukuthi ingase ikuholele phambili. Mhlawumbe nina nobabili niye ezikhathini ezimbalwa zokuqomisana, futhi engqondweni yakho, kuhamba kahle kakhulu. Ihleka amahlaya akho, ikhokha ngosuku lokuqomisana futhi ikumeme ngisho nokuzophuza i-nightcap ngemva kwalokho. Kuzwakala sengathi iyakuthanda ngempela, akunjalo?

Kodwa ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva, uyabona ukuthi akazibambi izingcingo zakho, uhlale ehlela kabusha izinsuku futhi kukunikeza izaba zakudala "Ngimatasatasa ngomsebenzi". Kuyacaca ukuthi lo wesifazane ucabanga ukuthi ujabule futhi ujabule nawe kodwa kuphelela lapho. Akafuni ukuphishekela okunye futhi uyaqiniseka ukuthi mhlawumbe uyafuna. Ngakho-ke ukuze akudumaze kalula, uziphatha kabi nawe.

4. Unovalo lokuzibophezela

Kungani eshisa futhi ebanda kuwe uma wenza konke ukumjabulisa? Mhlawumbe ngoba ekuthanda kakhulu kodwa umqondo wokuzibophezela kuwe uyamethusa. Ukuzinikela-imvelo yesibili ye-phobe ukushisa nokubanda ebudlelwaneni. Mhlawumbe ubudlelwano bakhe bangaphambili bumshiye enezibazi noma akakakulungeli ukuba nobudlelwano bangempela ngenxa yezinye izizathu.

Yini okufanele uyenze uma ezibona sengathi akakhululekile ngoba ecabanga ukuthi akufanele abe nawe? Hamba. Uma usubonile kuye izimpawu zokungathembi ukuzibophezela , kungcono ukuthi ubalekele isimo ngaphambi kokuba ulimale kakhulu. Ungazami ukushintsha umqondo wakhe noma ukumjikisa. Uma ekulungele ngempela ukuba nawe, uyazi ukuthi angakutholaphi.

5. Abesifazane ngezinye izikhathi benza ngale ndlela ukuze bajezise amadoda

Ngakho-ke sekuyisikhathi eside ninobudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo kodwa anikwazi ukuthola ukuthi yini engalungile. Akasaphenduli imiyalezo yakho, akavamile ukuphendula izingcingo futhi akafikanga ekhaya lakho ukuze athole ucansi emasontweni amabili edlule. Cha, ungacabangi ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi uthole omunye umuntu noma uyakopela . Uma esaxhumana nawe kodwa eyeka ukufakazela iphuzu, ukwenza lokho ukuze akujezise.

Uma abesifazane abashisayo nababandayo benza ngendlela abenza ngayo futhi bezama ukukwenza kucace ngokwedlulele, bakwenza benohlelo engqondweni. Kungaba noma yini. Mhlawumbe ubukhuluma kakhulu ngozakwethu omusha wesifazane ehhovisi lakho noma ngoba ukhohlwe ukuvela esidlweni sakusihlwa nentombi yakho nomama wayo. Noma ngabe kuyini, ulindele ukuxolisa.

Manje njengendoda, umbuzo olandelayo okungenzeka ukuthi unwaya ikhanda lakho kuwo wonke uthi, “Yini okufanele uyenze lapho ebanda?” Into iwukuthi, konke kuza ngesizathu. Uma ekwenzela ukukujezisa, kufanele nakanjani ukhulume naye kabanzi futhi uthole ukuthi yini emcasulayo. Uma ekushaya indiva ngoba engaqiniseki ngemizwa yakhe ngawe, mhlawumbe kufanele uhlehle umnikeze ithuba lokucabanga. Sithemba ukuthi manje usunombono ongcono wokuthi yini ngempela eyenzekayo ebuhlotsheni bakho.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Kusho ukuthini uma owesifazane eshisa futhi ebanda?

Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi owesifazane ashise futhi agodole. Angase abuke kabusha ubuhlobo, unokwesaba ukuzinikela noma uzama ukukujezisa ngokuthile okwenzile.

2. Indlela yokusingatha intombazane eshisayo nebanda?

Ngakho-ke ubonisa uthando olukhulu ngolunye usuku kodwa ayeke ngokuphelele ngolunye? Ukuze ubhekane nentombazane eshisayo nebandayo, kufanele ubhekane nayo uyibuze ukuthi kungani izizwa ingaguquguquki kangaka noma uyeke bese ubona ukuthi lokho kuzokwenzeka kanjani. Konke kuncike ekutheni yisiphi isizathu sangempela sokuziphatha kwayo.

3. Ubhekana kanjani nobudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo?

Akungabazeki ukuthi ukuba sebudlelwaneni obushisayo nobubandayo kunzima. Uma sekunesikhathi eside kuqhubeka nentombi yakho, kuhle ukuthi ukhulume nayo ngomusa ngayo uyibuze ukuthi konakelephi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.