Ubuqili ubuciko abambalwa abaye baphumelela. Amadoda amaningi, lapho enza umnyakazo, ahamba ngezindlela ezisobala zokusondela. Ulayini wokulanda oqinile, noma ojwayelekile, “Ngingathola inombolo yakho?” Ukugqama phakathi kwalokhu kuklwebhana kwama-gents kuwumsebenzi onzima. Kepha nazi izindlela eziyisi-7 ezihehayo ezizoqinisekisa impumelelo ngaphandle kokuthi wenze umbukiso omningi futhi utshele.
Ngomzamo omncane ocatshangelwe kahle kusukela ekugcineni kwakho, ungaba ophambili kumakilabhu namabha. Ngoba ukuyishaya nezintokazi akunzima njengoba ukholwe. Kodwa hey, yini i-stealth ukukhanga ngempela? Silapha ukuze siphendule lo mbuzo ngokuchitha ubhontshisi kuma-trigger acashile namasu.
Iyini I-Stealth Attraction?
Okuqukethwe
Leli gama liyinto uRichard La Ruina (umdwebi wezithombe ozinze eLondon kanye nomsunguli wokuqeqeshwa kwe-PUA) lapho efundisa isifundo sokusondela kwabesifazane ukuze baxhumane futhi. imithetho evamile yokuthandana. URichard La Ruina, okhohlisayo (futhi ngezinye izikhathi, oyinkinga) njengakuqala, egxile ezingqondweni zabesifazane eziqulekile. Wayefuna ukukhomba izinto abesifazane ababezithola zikhanga kodwa bengazi.
Nakuba izindlela ezisobala (eziqondile) ziyinsakavukela yosuku, ukukhanga okuyimfihlo kusebenzisa izindlela ezicashile (eziyimfihlo) ukunxenxa owesifazane. Ithiyori yakhe yayinezingxenye ezinhlanu - ukubaluleka kobuqili, ukuvulwa ngokunyenya, ukuyenga ngokunyenya, ukuvusa inkanuko ngokunyenya, kanye nokukhipha okunokwethenjelwa. Hmmm, kuzwakala njengemishini yezempi, akunjalo? Eqinisweni, incazelo eyimfihlo ngolimi lwezempi ithi: “ukwenza isenzo ngasese, ukuze abantu bangazi ukuthi kwenzekani”.
ULa Ruina uthe izinyathelo zakhe ezihehayo ziwubufakazi bokwenqatshwa. Futhi okuningi ezinye izifundo phakamisa ukuthi amandla aqulekile adlala indima ebalulekile ekuheheni abantu. Abesifazane bavame ukuqaphela izici ezifana nalezi:
- Izinwele zobuso / ukulinganisa kobuso
- Clothing
- Smile
- indlela yekuma
- Ukuxhumana kwamehlo
Ku-podcast yakhe, u-La Ruina uthe, "Uma ufuna ukuyenga umuntu wesifazane, kufanele ujule. Futhi cha, angiqondile lokho ngendlela yocansi. Engiqonde kona ukuthi kufanele ubheke ngale kwangaphandle nokusobala futhi ujule ngokuthi ungubani ngempela umuntu wesifazane. Uthandani, yini angayithandi, yini emkhanyisayo, iziphi izinkanuko zakhe?"
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 18 Amaqhinga Alula Okuthola Ukunakwa Kwentombazane
“Uma uqonda ukuthi umuntu wesifazane ungubani, ukukhangwa kuba yinto engenakugwemeka futhi akusewona umdlalo lapho uzama ukuthola okuthile khona.” Sisebenzisa i-La Ruina njengesiqalo, ake sijule emishwaneni yokuyenga ecashile. Okunikezwe ngezansi kukhona amaqhinga alula asebenza ngempela. Ulungile? Setha...Hamba!
Amasu ayi-7 Wokuheha Okuyimfihlo Ongawasebenzisa
Njengoba sesitholile, ukukhangwa okuyimfihlo kuwubuqili obukhulu. Isebenza ngendlela yayo emqondweni wowesifazane futhi imenze acabange, “Heyi, ubani LOYO umfana?” Manje, ukukhangwa okuyimfihlo kwadalwa ekuqaleni ukuze kube lula izitendi zobusuku obubodwa noma ama-hookups angavamile Kodwa lawa macebiso anikezwe ngezansi angasetshenziswa kunoma yisiphi isimo sokuthandana.
Futhi nakuba ukubukeka okuhle kudlala indima ebalulekile ekukhangeni, lolu hlu lubanzi ngombono walo. Akunangqondo ukulindela i-washboard abs kuwo wonke amadoda - izindinganiso zobuhle ezingenangqondo zihamba ngazo zombili. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uluhlobo luni lomfana, noma isizinda sakho sinjani, lolu hlelo lokukhanga oluyimfihlo lungaba usizo.
Ngokwesibonelo, uma ungumfana onamahloni, ungase ukuthole kunzima umxhwele abesifazane. Indoda ezithembayo ifunani. Kodwa ungakuthuthukisa kanjani ukuzethemba kwakho? Thatha umoya futhi uyeke ukukhathazeka - akuyona isayensi ye-rocket! Ake siqale ukuhlola izibonelo ezingokoqobo.
1. Isinyathelo lapha, nesinyathelo lapho
Lapho ngiza kumuntu engingamazi nhlobo esitolo sokudla noma ekilabhini, ngokuvamile ngivele ngiphazamiseke kancane. Ngoba ngiphakathi kokuthile, kuqhamuke indoda ngokuthakatha, ibuze ukuthi ngingathanda yini ukuphuza. Kumelwe ngize nezaba khona manjalo, noma ngivele ngithi “ummm hmmm hmmm”. Indlela emangalisayo eheha ubuqili igwema le ndlela eqondile kakhulu:
- Uma amehlo akho ebheke intombazane endaweni yomphakathi, bheka amehlo, mamatheka kancane, bese uhamba eduze kwayo
- Yenza ingxoxo yomugqa owodwa mayelana nokuthile okuvamile
- Inikeze imizuzu eyi-15-25 eqinile ukuze azi kahle ngobukhona bakho (futhi mhlawumbe nezinhloso zakho)
- Uma enquma ukuthi akanantshisekelo, ngeke abuyisele ukuthinta kwakho okuncane
Ngale ndlela, uzothola umbono wokuthi uthambekele kuwe noma cha. Lokhu yi indlela ehlakaniphile yokucela inombolo yakhe ngoba kuzomnika isikhathi sokucabanga (enganakile). Okungenani, ngeke ummangaze ngokuphelele. I-psychology ngemuva kwalokhu 'i-priming'. Ngokwale mbono, isikhuthazo sokuqala sithinta impendulo yomuntu ku-stimulus yesibili.
2. Konke ukukhuluma nokungadlali kwenza uJack abe umfana oyisithukuthezi
Ake siqonde lokhu kanye unomphela; ulimi lomzimba ludlala indima ebaluleke kakhulu ekuheheni. Isibonelo, indoda ekwazi ukubamba owesifazane amehlo iyashisa. Ungajahi ukuxhuma. Jabulela ukwakheka okuhamba kancane kwekhemistri eqinile ukusuka ebangeni elincane futhi uqaphele izinto ezivusa inkanuko ezicashile ziyavutha! Khumbula lokhu mayelana nokuxhumana okungakhulumi:
- Imisipha eqinile, umhlathi obambene, noma izingalo ezisongekile akulula neze ukuzibheka
- Gcina wakho komzimba 'vula' (cha, lokhu akusho ukusakazeka komuntu)
- Bhekana nomuntu okhuluma naye, futhi unganciki
- Isho ushizi bese ubeka ukumamatheka okufudumele/okuyengayo/okugangile ebusweni bakho
Kumavidiyo akhe e-YouTube, u-Richard La Ruina ukhuluma ngokuningiliziwe ngokubaluleka kwezimpawu ezingakhulumi. Ugcizelela ukuthi kufanele ube nguwe, ngisho noma lokho kusho ukwenza iminyakazo ewubuwula endaweni yokudansa. Nakuba ubonisa ukuthi ungazithathi ngokungathi sína kakhulu, ungakwazi ukuzulisa noma uphakamise ingilazi yakho ukuze uthole impendulo evela ku-crush yakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungayicela Kanjani Intombazane Uma Uphola - Amathiphu ayi-18 Okwenza Ithi Yebo
3. Ungalinge ungene ukuze uthole i-swoop
'I-micro-escalation' iyindlela ebalulekile yobuqili. Thatha isikhathi sakho, ungajahi. Ngethula isimo sokucatshangelwa. Usuku lwakho lusanda kuphela futhi uhamba ubheke emotweni yakhe. Ucabanga ukuthi sesifikile isikhathi sokuthi singene siqabulane. Uqala kanjani ukukhangwa owesifazane?
- Mncome kuqala
- Vumela amehlo akho acwebe ubuso bakhe (UBUSO KUPHELA), bese kuba nezindebe zakhe
- Bese umbambe amgqolozele umbuze ukuthi ungamqabula yini
Yileyo ndlela efanele – mbuze (amagama okuyenga angaba lula njengokuphimisela imicabango/izifiso zakho). Uma uthola ukukhanya okuluhlaza, qhubeka. Lokhu kugeleza okuthambile ekuqabuleni kungcono kakhulu kunokuncika ngokushesha, kungazelelwe, futhi ngokunokwenzeka okungavunyelwene. Akugcini nje ngokwenza ukuxhumana kucace, kodwa futhi kwenza ulwazi lwakho locansi luphephe futhi lukhululeke kakhudlwana. Imvume yokuqomisana kubaluleke kakhulu, futhi ngale ndlela, ukufuna imvume kungaba amagama akho acashile ahehayo.
4. Umthetho wokuvela kokuqala
Indlela yokuyenga noma yimuphi owesifazane ngemizuzwana engu-60? Uma sisebenzisa ubuchwepheshe obuqinile, unokukodwa kokushumi kwesekhondi ukwenza umbono (YEBO!). Ucwaningo kuveza ukuthi okudingekayo nje ingxenye eyodwa kweshumi yesekhondi ukwenza umbono womuntu ongamazi ebusweni bakhe nokuthi ukuchayeka okude akuguquli ngokuphawulekayo lokho okuvelayo. Mhlawumbe, yingakho bethi, umbono wokuqala umbono wokugcina.
Eqinisweni, ngokwe-a cwaningo, ukulingana kwezingubo zowesilisa kungaba nomthelela endleleni abesifazane abambheka ngayo. Olunye ucwaningo lwembula ukuthi into ewumzuzu nje njengokusikwa kwesudi yendoda ibalulekile! Ngakho-ke, amadoda athandekayo, ukuhlanzeka komuntu siqu kanye nomuzwa wesitayela amasu okugcina ahehayo. Uma kukhona esikufundile enyuvesi yabadwebi eholwa ngu-HIMYM u-Barney Stinson, iseluleko sakhe esinamagama amabili – “Suit up!”
Ngaphandle kwenhlanzeko yomuntu siqu, a cwaningo eshicilelwe ku Ijenali ye-Evolutionary Biology lisikisela ukuthi abesifazane babebheka amadoda anezibindi ezisindayo njengabakhanga kakhulu uma kuqhathaniswa nozakwabo abashefiwe futhi abanentshebe egcwele. Ngakho-ke, kungasiza imbangela yakho ukukhulisa izinwele zobuso. Nawa amanye amathiphu alula wokuzilungisa:
- Zijwayeze ukunakekela isikhumba/uziphathe ngendlela izipho zokuzinakekela
- Tshala imali kumateku amasha amhlophe/izicathulo zokugqoka
- Yenza amashiya akho agcotshwe/uwashise ekhaya
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Yiziphi Izimfanelo Emadodeni Eziheha Abesifazane Kakhulu?
5. Ukuzethemba: Ingabe ngiyakufanelekela lokho?
Ubani ongakaze akhathazeke ngaphambi kokuya kumuntu? Sonke sizizwa singavikelekile, yingakho isiphongo esicwebezelayo nezintende zezandla ezijulukile. Kepha lokhu kuvivinya kanye nokukhathazeka kwendlela kungakuvimbela futhi kuthinte impilo yakho yothando. Emhlanganweni wakhe waseSweden, uLa Ruina wathi, “Kuwumuzwa omubi kakhulu ukuya ekhaya ngizisola ngokuthi ukubheka amehlo bekungaba okunye!”
Ngakho-ke, sebenzela ukwakha ukuqiniseka kwakho nokuzethemba; kuyisidingo esibalulekile sokuthola ukuthi ungasebenzisa kanjani ukukhanga okuyimfihlo ukuze uzuze. Angeke akwenqabe uma uyeka ukuzila wena. Umngane wami, uCarl, wayenenkinga yokusondelana nabesifazane isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ngisho nalapho ekwazile ukuya kubo, wayevele anxaphe noma angingiza.
Kodwa wanquma ukulungisa le nkinga esebenzisa iziqinisekiso. Wayeka ukuziqhathanisa nabanye, okwasusa ingcindezi enkulu. Uma ufuna uthole intombazane ezokuthanda, khumbula ukuthi ukuzethemba kungenye yezimfihlo ezingu-7 zokukhanga ngokunyenya. Pho uma ungibuza ukuthi uwuqala kanjani umuntu wesifazane ukukhangwa? Ngithi, ngokwazi ukuthi ungakwazi.
Ku-podcast yakhe, u-La Ruina uthe, "Kulula kakhulu ukukhululeka. Ukwenza izinto ezifanayo usuku nosuku. Ukuhlala ubambekile ngoba kulula futhi akudingi umzamo wengqondo. Kodwa uma ufuna ukuphila impilo ngokugcwele, udinga ukungena ngaphakathi futhi uhlole umhlaba esiphila kuwo. Phuma kubhamuza lakho bese uyozama izinto ezintsha:
- Thatha izifundo zokudansa
- Funda ukupheka
- Thatha leso siginci esidala osishiye silele
- Thatha isifundo
- Qala ingadi”
6. Yiba yindoda engaqondakali
Ukwabelana ngokweqile kuzoba yisiphazamiso semidlalo engaba khona. Ngicela uyeke ukuxoxela umuntu osanda kuhlangana naye izindaba zakho. Acabange, "Kazi yini esemqondweni wakhe? Ingabe ungithanda ngokwanele?" Unganikeli ngendlela onentshisekelo ngayo ngoba uzobonakala uphelelwe ithemba. Imfihlakalo njalo iqinisa ashukumisayo abantu ababili ukwabelana; inikeza i-vibe e-sexy esilungiselelweni. Ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, the izimpawu zokukhangana kuzoba nzima ukuziba. Zama lawa macebiso awusizo:
- Sebenzisa amagama akhohlisayo afana nalawa, "Ungifake ejokeni"
- Engeza izimpawu ezingakhulumi njengokubheka, ukuthinta nokumomotheka
- Zama ukwakha ubuhlobo ngokuba isilaleli esihle
One cwaningo eyenziwe nguFaye Doell (2003) ikhombise ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezimbili ezahlukene zokulalela: “ukulalela ukuze uqonde” kanye “nokulalela ukuze uphendule”. Labo “abalalela ukuze baqonde” banokwaneliseka okukhulu ebudlelwaneni babo nabanye abantu kunabanye. Nakuba abantu bengase bacabange ukuthi balalele ukuze baqonde, abakwenzayo ngempela ukulinda ukuphendula.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu ayi-13 Alula Ngokumangalisayo Endlela Yokwenza Umuntu Athandane Nawe
7. Izinhloso ezicwebezelayo
Ungagwema ukungaphatheki kahle kwasekuseni ngokucacela zisuka nje. Ingabe i-hookup onentshisekelo kukho noma okunye okwengeziwe? Noma ngabe iziphi izinhloso zakho, gwema futhi uthembeke ekuzidluliseni. Akekho umuntu wesifazane okufanele azizwe eqhathwe walala nawe. Ngisho a cwaningo ibonisa ukuthi abantu abathembekile babonakala bekhanga ngokwengeziwe ngokungazi kwethu.
Yebo, amantombazane athanda abafana abaqotho. Futhi bayabathanda abafana ababazisa ngokweqiniso ngamagama ahehayo. Ngakho-ke, nanka amagama ayi-7 akhohlisayo yenza noma yimuphi umuntu wesifazane akufune:
- “Ngiyayithanda indlela amehlo akho akhanya ngayo”
- “Ukucabanga ngokumamatheka kwakho kungenza ngibe namaqhubu”
- "Ngikufuna kabi manje"
Izinzuzo Nezingozi Zokukhanga Okuyimfihlo
Uhlelo lwasekuqaleni lokuheha abesifazane belugxile kuphela endleleni yokuyenga abantu besifazane kanye nokulala. Yingakho abantu abaningi bekubona 'njengomkhonyovu' wokuyenga. Ukuze uqonde ukuthi le ndlela yokuyenga ingakanani, ake sibheke izinhlangothi zombili uma kukhulunywa ngamasu okuqala e-La Ruina. Ngakho-ke, nansi isibuyekezo esihehayo esiyimfihlo esidingayo:
| I-PROS | CONS |
| Ukuyenga ngokunyenya kuwubufakazi bokwenqatshwa | Kuyibhukwana lezeluleko zokuqomisana ngamakhono okuyenga |
| Inikeza amagama avusa inkanuko yabesifazane | Owesifazane ozihloniphayo angase akubize ngobuqili |
| Umuntu okhohlisayo uyawazi amaqhinga esistimu yokufisa | Ifundisa ukufinyelela okusheshayo esikhundleni sokuthi ubudlelwano obungathi sina |
| Amabhithi okuthumela umbhalo okuhehayo asondela ekukhathazekeni | Incazelo ye-Stealth/3 isekhondi elihehayo linqanda ukugeleza kwezinto eziphilayo |
Kodwa, ukuthatha kwethu ukukhanga okuyimfihlo akudingi ukuthi ube umkhonyovu. Okufanele ukwenze wukusebenzela ukuzethemba kwakho futhi uzilungise kahle. Akudingeki 'udlale amaqhinga' ukuze uthole umuntu wesifazane. Kufanele ube yinguqulo yakho engcono kakhulu.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Ukukhuluma kahle komzimba kuyimfihlo yokugcina ekhangayo
- Ukuze uthole ukufinyelela okusheshayo, kufanele usebenzele ukuzethemba kwakho
- Ukukhanga okuyimfihlo kunakho kokubili okuhle nokubi
- Kungaba ukubhala ngombhalo ohehayo noma ukusebenzisa amagama ayimfihlo mathupha, kubalulekile ukuba neqiniso mayelana nezinhloso zakho
- Nakuba amagama ayimfihlo ahehayo esebenza kahle, kulula futhi ukuwasebenzisa kabi ukuze uzuze. Kungakho kufanele wazi umehluko phakathi kokuheha umuntu ngokunyenya nokumkhohlisa
Lapha sifinyelela ekupheleni kwezimfihlo zethu ezingu-7 zokukhanga okuyimfihlo. Ngiyethemba, okwamanje, usunayo impendulo yemibuzo efana nokuthi "Ingabe ukukhanga okuyimfihlo kuyasebenza ngempela?" noma “Indlela yokusebenzisa ukukhanga okuyimfihlo hawu intombazane?”. Ukhiye wokuthatha wuku – covert > overt, and unconscious > ukwazi. Umzimba owengeziwe, ukukhuluma kancane! Zizwe ukhululekile ukubuyela kithi ukuze uthole izeluleko ezengeziwe mayelana nokukhangwa, ukuthandana, ubudlelwano, kanye nayo yonke into.
Ake siphethe ngengcaphuno kaRichard La Ruina, "Amakhono owafunda ngokuya ngezinsuku empeleni azohumusha kuzo zonke izici zokuphila. Ukuqonda ukuthi ungayiqhuba kanjani ingxoxo kuzokusiza ukhulise umbuthano wakho wokuxhumana nabantu, nokufunda ukunqoba nokusingatha ukwenqatshwa kuzokusiza ukuthi ungavimbeki kunoma yimuphi umzamo owukhethayo ukuwulandela."
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ungasebenzisa amagama ama-3 nje ukwenza umuntu wesifazane akufune. Uma kumayelana nokukhathazeka nge-ex yakho, vele ubhale ukuthi “Uyakhumbula lokhu?”. Noma “Lesi sithombe singenza ngikhumbule izikhathi ezimnandi.” Kukhona nombuzo kaMichael Fiore onamagama amane wonke umuntu wesilisa azonda ukuwuzwa okungukuthi “Uyangithanda?” ngoba iyabavusa ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano.
Uma ekubuka isikhathi eside emehlweni noma ehleka amahlaya akho amabi, lezi yizimpawu zokuthi umuntu wesifazane ukhangwa nguwe. Futhi, uma 'ekuthinta ngephutha' kakhulu noma efuna ukuchitha isikhathi uwedwa nawe, nakanjani amehlo akhe akubhekile, emgwaqeni ophithizelayo wamadoda amshayayo.
Yebo futhi imfihlo eyodwa yokukhanga iwukubukisa labo abamhlophe beparele. Umqeqeshi wobudlelwano Swaty Prakash uthi, “Momotheka ngoba kubonisa ubuntu obunemfudumalo nobungane. Uma unokumamatheka okwehlisa izikhali, qiniseka ukuthi ubukisa ngakho ngangokunokwenzeka.” Umqondo wakho wokwakha nowokugqoka ubeka umbono wokuqala kodwa ukumamatheka okukhanyayo nokuzethemba yikona okuzomenza ahlale ekhona.”
In isifundo esisodwa eyenziwe ngusomnotho uRaymond Fisman kanye nozakwabo baseColumbia University, amadoda nabesifazane abangashadile abangama-392 bamenywa ukuba babambe iqhaza ukuphola ngejubane umcimbi. Umhlanganyeli ngamunye uqhubekile phakathi kwezinsuku eziyi-10 nezingama-20 zemizuzu emine yesivinini. Babe sebelinganisa ukukhanga, ukuhlakanipha, nesifiso sokuvelela somuntu ngamunye abahlangana naye. Imiphumela yalolu cwaningo yenza ukuthi abesifazane bakhathalele ubuhlakani ngokuphindwe kabili kunabesilisa. Ngakho-ke, ukuhlakanipha kwenza kube nohlu lwezimfanelo zendoda enhle, ngokombono wowesifazane.
Amathiphu angu-20 Okusondela Entombazaneni Futhi Uzuze Inhliziyo Yayo
Amaphutha Enziwa Abesilisa Ngenkathi Bezama Ukujabulisa Abesifazane
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
