21 Nuggets Of Relationship Advice Kwabesifazane

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni kungaba enye yezingxenye ezanelisa kakhulu empilweni yakho, uma kunempilo, inhlonipho, futhi isekelwe ekuqondaneni kokubili. Kepha akekho okunikeza incwadi yomthetho yokuthi ungalusebenzisa kanjani uthando, ukuxhumana, ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo, nokungqubuzana. Kungakho sihlanganise lo mhlahlandlela ngeseluleko sobudlelwano kwabesifazane esingagxili ekudlaleni imidlalo kodwa esikusiza ukuthi wakhe ukuxhumana ngokuzazi wena, ukubeka imingcele, nokukhulisa ukusondelana nomlingani wakho.

Ezweni eligcwele izimpawu ezixubile, okulindelwe ubulili okuphelelwe yisikhathi, nokucindezela komphakathi, umugqa phakathi kokuzidela nokuzihlonipha ungase ube lufifi. Iseluleko esifanele sikusiza ukuthi udwebe lowo mugqa ngokuzethemba. Kukusiza ukuthi ubone amafulegi abomvu, wazise aluhlaza, futhi ubonakale ebudlelwaneni bakho kokubili uzwela namandla.

Futhi ukwazi kanjani ukwenza konke lokho? Ngokulandela amathiphu angu-21 angaphelelwa isikhathi, asebenzayo ahlakaniphile, asekelwa ulwazi oluvela ochwepheshe bezengqondo, abelaphi, kanye nabashadile abaphila ngokoqobo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi niyaphola, nisanda kuzinikela, noma iminyaka nithandana, kunokuthile lapha ongakucabangela, ukukusebenzisa, noma ukuyeke ukukufunda. 

The Best Relationship Iseluleko Kwabesifazane

Ubudlelwano obuhle bumayelana nokulinganisela, futhi bakhelwe esisekelweni sokuzithanda, ubuthakathaka, kanye nokuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo okuhambisana nemingcele enempilo kanye nokuzimela. Konke lokhu kungafezwa ngokukhulumisana ngokwethembeka, ukubonisa ukwazisa, futhi ngezinye izikhathi nokuba nomuzwa wokuhlekisa.

Manje, lokhu kungase kuzwakale njengefilosofi, iseluleko esijulile sobudlelwane kwabesifazane esibonakala sisikhulu ngombono kodwa akulula ukusisebenzisa. Nokho, akunjalo ngempela. Ngokulandela, amathiphu asebenzisekayo, ungakwazi ukufaka lezi zimiso empilweni yakho yansuku zonke, futhi wakhe ukuxhumana okuhlala njalo nabanye bakho ababalulekile, kancane kancane. Noma ngabe uzama ukunqoba indoda yamaphupho akho noma uthuthukise ubudlelwano bakho nozakwenu osenesikhathi eside, lesi seluleko somuntu wesifazane sokuthandana sikukhava:

Esigabeni Sokuqomisana 

Idethi enenhloso ecacile nokuzihlonipha. Ukukhetha kusenesikhathi kufundisa umuntu ukuthi akuphathe kanjani, ngakho-ke naka ukuthi umzamo, ukuxhumana, kanye nokulandela kuzizwa kanjani empilweni yangempela. Awuculi ukuze ugunyazwe. Qaphela ukuthi izinhlelo zenziwa kusenesikhathi, imibhalo imema ingxoxo yangempela, futhi imingcele ifinyelelwa ngaphandle kwenkulumo-mpikiswano. Uma intshisekelo ibheke ohlangothini olulodwa, hlehla. Ilukuluku lamukelekile. Ukujaha akunjalo. Nansi indlela yokuzulazula esiteji sokuqomisana ngamabomu:

1. Ungalinge usukele indoda

Ukuphelelwa yithemba akuyona indlela enhle yokubuka, futhi ukuxosha indoda engaphindiseli kuzokushiya ukhathele futhi yona igijime ngenye indlela. Ezigabeni zokuqala zokuthandana , kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ujabule, kodwa ukusunduza kakhulu ukuze inakwe yiyo kungabuya. Uma utshala imali eningi kakhulu ngokushesha, usengozini yokutshala imali eningi kakhulu futhi ukhathazekile, ikakhulukazi uma iqala ukuhoxa.

Uma umfana ekuwe, uzokwenza umzamo wokukubona nokuxhumana. Iseluleko sokuqomisana sabesifazane abavela emadodeni ngokuvamile sifinyelela kuleli qiniso elilula: akufanele ukuphoqe. Ufanele ukuphishekelwa futhi ubongwe ngalokho oyikho. Akeze kuwe, futhi uma engenzi, thatha ukusikisela futhi wonge amandla akho endodeni ezokwenza. Khumbula, ubudlelwano kufanele buthuthukise impilo yakho, bungakuqedeli ekuphishekeleni okuphithizelayo.

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2. Ungazami ukumshintsha

Uma ushaywe, kulula ukunganaki amaphutha omfana noma uzitshele ukuthi ungamlungisa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kodwa iseluleko esijulile sobudlelwane kwabesifazane ukwamukela indoda njengoba injalo, hhayi njengephrojekthi ye-DIY. Impela, abantu bangakhula futhi bathuthuke, kodwa kufanele afune ukuzishintsha. Uma ufaka ubudlelwano ngohlu lokuhlola lwazo zonke izindlela okufanele ahluke ngazo, nilungiselela ukukhungatheka nobabili. 

Uma ukuthi ungubani njengamanje kungeyena umuntu ongamhlonipha, zenzele umusa futhi uqhubeke kunokuba uzinze futhi uzame ukumbumba. Ungamkhuthaza futhi usekele uzakwenu, kodwa ungamzali noma umbambele ekubeni ngomunye umuntu. Kunomehluko phakathi kokuyekethisa okuncane kanye nokubunjwa kabusha kwesimilo somuntu. Ungaba ngcono uma uthola insizwa enamagugu nemikhuba ehambisana neyakho kunokuzama ukwenza ukufakelwa komuntu kuMnuz Wrong.

3. Ungabi umuntu onamathelayo, oswele 

Ukubamba iqhaza ebudlelwaneni kungavimba uthando oluqalayo. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuzizwa uthandwa futhi uvikelekile, kodwa ukufuna njalo ukuqinisekiswa ngemiyalezo engapheli, umona, noma ukudinga ukuba ndawonye amahora angu-24 ngosuku, izinsuku ezingu-7 ngesonto kuvame ukuba nomphumela ophambene futhi kugcine kusunduza indoda kude. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, bobabili abalingani kufanele babe nendawo yokuphefumula. Uma uzizwa ukhathazekile noma ungazethembi, khuluma ngakho ngokuthula kunokuba usebenzise izivivinyo noma izidingo zokunakwa.

Ngokuvamile, ukuba “oswele” ngokweqile kubangelwa ukungazithandi ngokwanele noma kulokho okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule okukushiye wesaba ukulahlekelwa. Kuqaphele lokho, futhi usebenzele ukudambisa lezo zinkathazo ngaphakathi. Isiqinisekiso esincane esiqotho esivela kumfana wakho kulungile, kodwa ungamenzi kube nguye yedwa umthombo wakho wokuzethemba. 

Uhlale uthi “Ingabe uyangithanda ngempela?” noma ukucasuka uma echitha ubusuku nabangane kungabuqeda ubuhlobo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle siyachaza, “Abantu abasondelene nokukhathazeka bangase badinge izinga lokuqinisekiswa ukuthi umngane womshado angase angakulungele ukunikeza, nokuthi ukuswela okungapheli ngokuvamile kuholela ebunzimeni bokulawula imizwelo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ikhambi alikona ukunamathela kuye kakhulu;

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4. Ungakushayi indiva ukuzinakekela komuntu wesilisa

Lesi seluleko seseluleko singase sizwakale sisobala kakhulu, kodwa ngokuvamile asinakwa: kufanele uzinakekele. Kulula kwabesifazane ukuthela wonke amandla abo kumlingani, ikakhulukazi othandweni olusha, lapho ufuna ukupha nokupha. Kodwa elinye lamacebiso anika amandla kakhulu obudlelwano kubantu besifazane yilo: ungazishisi ukuze ugcine omunye umuntu efudumele. Gcina impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo, phishekela izithakazelo zakho, futhi ugcine imingcele yakho yomuntu siqu. Ngeke nje lokhu kukwenze ujabule futhi ulinganisele, futhi kukwenza uthandeke kakhulu njengozakwethu.

Ukuzinakekela nakho kubalulekile lapho izikhathi ziba nzima. Bonke ubudlelwano bubhekana nezinselele. Uma ubuzishaya indiva, uzoba nesikhathi esinzima ukubhekana naso. Kodwa uma uye wahambisana nenethiwekhi yakho yokwesekwa kanye nokuphila kahle komuntu siqu, uzobhekana nezingxabano zesimo sezulu kanye neziqephu ezimbi ngomusa owengeziwe. 

Omunye ucezu abesifazane ukuphola iseluleko ngiyafunga ukuthi ungalokothi ulahle ukuzinakekela for indoda. Ngokuzibonakalisa njalo, uyaqinisekisa ukuthi uma ukhombisa umlingani wakho, kuvela endaweni egcwele yonke into, hhayi ekuncipheni. Njengoba isisho sisho, awukwazi ukuthulula enkomishini engenalutho, gcwalisa eyakho kuqala.

5. Yiba yisilaleli esihle

Ukuxhumana kuvame ukubhekwa njengesisekelo sobudlelwano obuhle, futhi kufanele. Kodwa-ke, ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo akukhona nje ukukhuluma. Ukulalela kuyingxenye yempi, uma kungenjalo ngaphezulu. Ukufunda ukuba isilaleli esihle kungenye yezeluleko ezinhle kakhulu zobudlelwano kwabesifazane ngoba kwenza umlingani wakho azizwe eyigugu futhi eqondakala. Ngokulalela kahle, udala indawo ephephile lapho nobabili ningavuleleka khona. Futhi leso yisisekelo sokusondelana kwangempela. Kuyayenga ukushesha ngeseluleko noma ukuhlobanisa konke nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho. Kodwa ukulalela ngempela kusho ukuthi,

• Ukuba khona
• Ukubuza imibuzo
• Ukuzama ukuqonda umbono wakhe ngaphambi kokuba uphendule
• Lapho umlingani wakho ekhuluma, mnikeze izimpawu zokuthi uthembisene umshado
• Ngisho noma ungavumelani nalokhu akushoyo, gwema isifiso sokuphazamisa noma ukwakha umusho wakho wamaphakathi wokwenqaba.
• Amyeke aqede. 
• Ukuthatha umbhalo ongezansi noma imizwa ngemuva kwamazwi akhe. Ingabe ukhathazekile? Ujabule? Udumele?
• Evuma leyo mizwa 

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6. Ungashaneli izinkinga zakho ngaphansi kwengubo

Izinkinga ezishanelayo ngaphansi kwekhabethe ziyindlela yokuletha inhlekelele. Kungase kugcine ukuthula isikhashana, kodwa izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe zinendlela yokukhulisa amazinyo. Mhlawumbe uyazonda ukuthi wenza izinhlelo ngaphandle kokukubuza, noma uzwa ubuhlungu ngokuphawula kwakhe ngokushesha. Yinyuse ngobumnene, kodwa yinyuse. Ukungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni akuyona nje into evamile, kungaba nempilo uma kusingathwa kahle. 

Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lukaDkt. John Gottman lubonisa ukuthi ukugwema izingxabano ngomkhuba kungenye yezinto ezibangela isehlukaniso. Yebo. Ukugwema izingxoxo ezinzima kungase kubonakale kulula okwamanje, kodwa isikhathi eside kudala intukuthelo engakaze ibonwe.

Cabanga ngezinkinga ezingakaxazululwa njengeziphazamiso ebudlelwaneni bakho. Zishiye phakathi, futhi zizobola. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ususa ngokuthula i-splinter, isilonda singaphola. Manje, lokhu akusho ukushintsha yonke into encane ibe impi emangalisayo. Kusho ukuthi uma kukhona okukukhathazayo ngempela noma uma kunenkinga eqhubekayo, nibhekana nayo ndawonye. 

7. Zithande

Usuzwile izikhathi eziyizigidi, kodwa ake sikwenze kube yizigidi ngoba lesi iseluleko sobudlelwano esingcono kakhulu kwabesifazane esingenakuphindwa ngokwanele: kumelwe uzithande kuqala. Kungani? Ngoba indlela ozibheka ngayo ibeka indinganiso yokuthi abanye bakwazisa kanjani. Uma uzithanda futhi uzihlonipha ngempela, ngeke ubekezelele ukungahlonishwa, futhi ngeke uzilahlekele uzama ukujabulisa othile.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomlobi uBrené Brown ukubeka kahle: “Singakwazi ukuthanda abanye ngendlela esizithanda ngayo thina.” Zinike isikhashana ukuvumela lokho kucwile phakathi. Kusho ukuthi uma ugcwele ukuzigxeka nokungazethembi, uzoncika kakhulu kumlingani wakho ukuthi “akugcwalise”, noma ungase ucekele phansi uthando ngoba unomuzwa wokuthi awukufanele. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma uzithanda wena, amaphutha, ama-quirks, nakho konke, uletha umuntu ophelele, ozethembayo ebudlelwaneni. Ngeke udinge ukuqinisekiswa njalo, futhi ngeke uzisonte wenze ama-pretzels ukuze ugcine indoda iseduze. Uzolunga uwedwa, okwenza umuntu ahehe nakakhulu. 

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Izigaba Zokuqala Zobudlelwano

Lesi yisikhathi lapho kubekwa khona isisekelo sangempela. Anisabonani nje kuphela, kodwa nithola ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukunyakaza njengeqembu. Indlela okhuluma ngayo manje, ukuthi wabelana kanjani ngezindaba, uphatha kanjani ukuthula, noma uveza ukucasula okuncane, kancane kancane iba yisigqi sesibopho sakho. 

Futhi uqondana nezindima nalokho okulindele, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Obani abafika kuqala emini? Ngabe imisebenzi yasekhaya, izimali, noma izinhlelo zangempelasonto zihlukaniswa kanjani? Ingabe uyazenzakalela endaweni yokunethezeka yomuntu oyedwa, noma ingabe kukhona ukupha-uthathe? Lezi zinqumo ezincane, zansuku zonke ziyahlanganisa futhi ziphenduke "imithetho engashiwo" yobudlelwane bakho. Nazi ezinye izingcezu ezibalulekile zezeluleko zobudlelwano zabesifazane ukuze bazule kulezi zigaba zakuqala:

8. Yiba sengozini, ngisho noma wesaba

Iyesabeka kancane, ngiyazi. Ukuba sengozini kusho ukuvuleka, ukukhombisa ubuwena obuyiqiniso, kanye nokubeka engcupheni yokwaliwa noma ukulinyazwa. Kodwa njengokuphikisa njengoba kuzwakala, ukuba sengcupheni kuyimpilo yobudlelwano obujulile, obunothando. Uprofesa wocwaningo odumile uBrené Brown uthe, "Ukuba sengcupheni kuyindawo okwazalelwa kuyo uthando, ukuba sengozini, injabulo, isibindi, uzwela, nokudala. Uma sifuna ukucaca kakhudlwana enjongweni yethu noma ukuphila okungokomoya okujulile nokunenjongo, ukuba sengozini kuyindlela."

Lokhu kubukeka kanjani ekusebenzeni? Kusho ukuveza imizwa yakho esikhundleni sokuyifihla. 

• Ukumtshela ukuthi uyamkhumbula esikhundleni sokudlala kamnandi
• Ukuvuma lapho ulimele noma wenze iphutha
• Ukuthi “ngiyakuthanda” kuqala, uma uzizwa ngaleyo ndlela ngempela
• Azivumele akhale phambi kwakhe
• Ukwabelana ngengxenye ebuhlungu yesikhathi sakho esidlule
• Ukuveza i-quirk e-goofy ngokuvamile uhlala uqaphile

Yebo, kunethuba lokuthi angase angaphenduli ngendlela othemba ngayo. Mhlawumbe akakakulungeli ukuphumela obala, mhlawumbe akawubuyiseli umuzwa ngaso leso sikhathi. Lokho kuzoluma. Kodwa noma kunjalo, ukuba sengozini kunendlela yokuqinisa ukuxhumana.

Ucezu lweseluleko esijulile sobudlelwane kwabesifazane yilesi: themba ukuthi ubungozi buhluza abantu abalungile empilweni yakho. Indoda engalungile ingase ikuchithe noma iklolode ngokukhululeka kwakho, futhi lokho kukhombisa ukuthi akayena umuntu ophephile enhliziyweni yakho. Indoda efanele, nokho, izobona ubuqhawe nobuhle ekuthembekeni kwakho, futhi kuzomsondeza. 

I-9. Iba nguwe

Kuzwakala kulula kakhulu: yiba nguwe. Nokho ekuqomeni, abaningi bethu bafaka i-persona, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni. Mhlawumbe wenza sengathi uthanda iqembu lakhe alithandayo kuyilapho ungalithandi, noma ubamba amahlaya akho okudlala ngoba awunaso isiqiniseko sokuthi uzowathola. Kuvamile ukufuna ukukhombisa “okungcono kakhulu” kwethu kothile omusha.

Kodwa ungangeni ogibeni lokuba unwabu ukuze nje umjabulise. Ubuqiniso buyisihluthulelo soxhumano oluhlala njalo. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ubuqiniso ebudlelwaneni busho ukuzenzela eyakho imithetho ngokusekelwe kulokho oyikho nalokho okufunayo.” Ngakho-ke, ungahambisani nalokho ocabanga ukuthi ufuna. Kunalokho, vela njengawe, futhi umuntu ofanele uzokwazisa.

• Uma uyi-goofball ephelele ehleka amahlaya e-corny, eyakho
• Uma uzimisele ngokujulile futhi uqhutshwa umsebenzi, ungakubukeli phansi lokho ngoba ukhathazekile kungase kumethuse.
• Uma unezinkanuko, wabelane ngazo! 

Ukuhambisana kweqiniso kuza lapho abantu ababili beveza ubunjalo babo bangempela futhi bathole ukuthi bayaxhuma. Uma uhlezi ugqoke imaskhi usuke ethandana nomuntu ozenza yena, kanti lokho akusimami, ingasaphathwa eyokuqeda amandla.

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10. Nquma ukuthi yini oyifunayo

Ngaphambi kokuba uthole ubudlelwano obuphuphayo, udinga ukwazi ukuthi libukeka kanjani lelo phupho. Abesifazane abaningi kakhulu bangena ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokucaca, bese bezithola sebeneminyaka eminingi benomuntu onemigomo noma izindinganiso ezingahambisani. Nquma ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela kumlingani wakho nasebudlelwaneni. Ingabe ufuna into engavamile noma engathi sína? Umshado nezingane noma umngane wokuhamba naye? Ulindele ukuphathwa kanjani? Yiziphi izinto ongazixoxisana ngazo ebudlelwaneni ? Uma ucacile ngazo, ungazixhumana nazo futhi uqaphele kusenesikhathi ukuthi indoda ayifani yini.

Isibonelo, uma wazi ukuthi ufuna ubuhlobo bomuntu oyedwa futhi umfana uthi akafuni amalebula, ngeke uhlale unethemba lokuthi uzoshintsha. Uzomfisela okuhle kodwa uqhubeke. Ukucaca kungamandla. Ikuqondisa ukuthi uthi yebo nini, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuthi cha nini. Ngakho-ke funa umphefumulo: bheka ubudlelwano bakho obuhle ngokuningiliziwe. Uma wazi okufunayo, maningi kakhulu amathuba okuthi ukuthole.

11. Xoxa ngezindima zobulili

Lokhu kungase kungaveli ngosuku lokuqala, kodwa njengoba izinto ziba zimbi kakhulu, kuwukuhlakanipha ukukhuluma ngokulindelwe mayelana nokuthi “ubani owenza ini” ebudlelwaneni. Izindima zobulili kanye nokulindelwe ngamasiko kungathinta yonke into kusukela kokhokhela isidlo sakusihlwa kuya endleleni ohlukanisa ngayo imisebenzi yasekhaya kuya ezinqumweni zomsebenzi nezomndeni esikhathini esizayo. Siphila enkathini yanamuhla lapho izindima eziningi zobulili zendabuko zichazwa kabusha, okuyinto enhle, uma nje wena nomlingani wakho nisesikhathini esifanayo. Ngakho xoxani,

• Ingabe nobabili nilindele ukusebenza isikhathi esigcwele? 
• Nizizwa kanjani ngabanye benu ngokunikela emalini engenayo, noma okungenzeka ukuthi omunye wenu athathe ikhefu uma izingane zifaka isithombe? 
• Kuthiwani ngemisebenzi yasekhaya? Ingabe i-50/50, noma ingabe omunye wenu unamakhono athile noma izinto azithandayo?

Kungcono kakhulu ukusheshisa lezi zinto kunokucabanga bese nicasukelana. Ukuxoxa ngokulindelekile kubalulekile ngoba awufuni ukushintshela kuhlobo oluthile olungadingeki noyedwa kinina. Kunalokho, qaphelani amandla omunye nomunye kunokuhlukanisa izinto ngobulili. Uma engumuntu opheka kangcono futhi ubamba i-power drill, ubani othi umfazi kufanele apheke futhi indoda ilungise izinto? Dala ibhalansi yakho. 

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12. Ungabi umuntu othokozisa abantu

Ingabe ungumuntu ongakwazi ukwenqaba? Ubani ovumelana nanoma yini umlingani wakho ayifunayo ukuze nje amgcine ejabule, noma ngabe uzizwa ngendlela ehlukile ngaphakathi? Uma kunjalo, lalela lesi seluleko sobudlelwano kwabesifazane: yeka umkhuba wokujabulisa abantu, ngokushesha. Ukuhlala ugoba ukuze ujabulise indoda yakho kungase kubonakale sengathi ungumlingani omuhle, kodwa kuholela ekukhathaleni, ekuthukutheleni ebudlelwaneni , nasekulahlekelweni nguwe.

Cabanga ngakho, ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uthi, "Impela, noma yini oyifunayo", ngenkathi ububula ngaphakathi, utshala imbewu encane yokucasuka. Ekugcineni, lezo zimbewu ziyakhula, futhi ungase uqhume ngento encane, noma uqale ukuzizwa uqhelelene nozakwenu ongazi ukuthi kukhona okungalungile. 

Uthando lwangempela aludingi ukufela ukholo. Ukuyekethisa kancane? Nakanjani. Kodwa hhayi ukusulwa okuphelele kwezidingo zakho. Futhi okuxakayo ukuthi, ukuba ngumthokozisi wabantu kungaze kuphushe indoda elungile, ngoba izwa ubuqiniso noma izizwa ithwele kanzima ngokubekwa esihlalweni. Ngakho, kanjani ukuyeka? Qala kancane, zijwayeze ukwenqaba noma ukuveza okuncamelayo ngokwethembeka ezintweni eziphansi njengokuthi, uma ukhathele ngoLwesihlanu ebusuku, uthi “Ngincamela ukuhlala” esikhundleni sokuvuma ukuphuma futhi ngikuzonde ngasese. 

13. Ungahlali kahle

Lesi sisho sivame ukukhulunywa ngaso, kodwa ake sicacise: ukungazami ukuthola okuncane ebudlelwaneni akusho ukulindela umlingani ophelele wenganekwane ongenamaphutha. Kusho ukungahlali ebudlelwaneni obungeyona into oyifunayo noma oyifanele, ngenxa yokwesaba noma ubuvila noma "izindleko ezishisiwe". Kumayelana nokuba nesibindi sokubambelela othandweni olukwanelisa isikhathi esiningi.

Uma uzithola ucabangela ukuziphatha okubi, noma uthi “Hhayi-ke, akekho umuntu ongenasici, kufanele ngivele ngibonge futhi ngihlale,” yima kancane bese ubuza ukuthi umane ugwema ubuhlungu boshintsho. Abantu abaningi, abesifazane nabesilisa, bahlala ebudlelwaneni obumaphakathi noma obuyingozi ngoba besaba ukuba bodwa. 

Esinye iseluleko esicacile sokuthandana kwabesifazane esivela kwabesilisa kuReddit sasithi: “Yekani ukuqomisana nabantu ababi. Abanye abantu bangena ebuhlotsheni obubi ngoba nje beshisa noma bengafuni ukuba bodwa. Vele ungakwenzi lokho.” Ulaka, kodwa akulona iphutha. Ukuxazulula izinkinga kuvame ukuvela endaweni yokushoda kwengqondo ekuvumela ukuthi ukholelwe ukuthi lokhu kuhle ngangokunokwenzeka. Kodwa lokho ngokuvamile akulona iqiniso. Uma okuthile esiswini sakho kukutshela ukuthi umuntu noma ubudlelwano abukufanele noma ukuthi awujabule njalo, kufanele uzibophezele ekuxazululeni lokho. Lokho kungasho ukusebenzisana esivumelwaneni, ukuthola indlela yokuthuthukisa isimo, noma kungasho ukuhamba.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-7 Zokulwa Ebudlelwaneni Obusekelayo

Ubudlelwano Besikhathi Eside Nomshado

Uma usuneminyaka ungenile, uthando alubukeki njengeziqhumane futhi lufana nomlilo ongaguquki owunakekela nsuku zonke. Ukuzinza lapha akukhona ukugwema ukungqubuzana kodwa ukuyilungisa ngokuxolisa lapho ushelela, ukuxolela uma isithandwa sakho sikwenza, nokujikela emuva nize nizwe nobabili. Ubungane buba yinetha yakho yokuphepha. Amahlaya angaphakathi, imikhuba eyabiwe, kanye nomusa omncane kukukhumbuza ukuthi kungani nakhetha omunye kwasekuqaleni.

Isifiso sidinga nokuvikelwa. Ayisindi ku-autopilot. Imibhangqwana yesikhathi eside echumayo iqhubeka nokuqopha isikhathi sokusondelana, noma ngabe lokho kuwubusuku obuvamile, ukuthinta okungajahiswanga, noma ukuhlola okungokomzwelo okujula kakhulu kunokusebenza. Ukukhanga kuyakhula uma nisabonana njengabantu abanamaphupho, izinto ezixakayo, nezimpilo ezihlukene enibuya nazo ukuze nihlanganyele. Nazi ezinye izindlela abesifazane abangenza ngazo isiqiniseko sokuthi ubudlelwano babo buyachuma:

14. Thola kahle ukulwa

Yebo, ukufundile kahle lokho. Ukulwa “okuhle”, okubizwa nangokuthi ukuxazulula izingxabano okunempilo , kuyikhono elibalulekile ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Umgomo akukhona ukugwema izingxabano ngazo zonke izindleko. Kunalokho, funda indlela yokulwa ngobulungisa. Lokhu kusho ukungabizwa ngamagama amabi, ukungaguquli zonke izono zesikhathi esidlule, ukungathukwa okungaphansi kwebhande. Kusho ukunamathela enkingeni ekhona futhi ungaguquli ibe ukubulala abalingiswa. Imibhangqwana ekwazile ukubhekana nezingxabano iyazi ukuthi kufanele ithathe isikhathi sokuphumula nini, ukuthi izothula kanjani futhi ilalele omunye nomunye, nokuthi ingathola kanjani izixazululo noma okungenani ukuqondana.

15. Yiba neyakho impilo

Enye yezeluleko ezinhle kakhulu zobudlelwano kwabesifazane ukuthi ungalahlekelwa yimpilo owawunayo ngaphambi kokuhlangana nomlingani wakho ukuze uthole injabulo engapheli. Kungase kuzwakale kungqubuzana, kodwa ukunikezana isikhala kwenza ubuhlobo buqine . Ningabantu ababili abakhetha ukuba ndawonye, ​​hhayi izingxenye ezimbili zento eyodwa. Ukulondoloza impilo yakho akugcini nje ngokukugcina wanelisekile ezingeni lomuntu siqu, kodwa futhi kugcina ubuhlobo bunamandla futhi buthakazelisa. Kuyohlala kunezinto ezintsha eningaxoxa ngazo, okuhlangenwe nakho okusha eningabelana ngakho ngalokho enikwenzile nihlukene.

Umelaphi onguchwepheshe u-Esther Perel unengcaphuno engiyithandayo: “Kunzima ukuzizwa ukhangwa othile olahle umuzwa wakhe wokuzimela. Boom. Uma ulahla yonke into—abangane bakho, izithakazelo zakho, isikhathi sakho uwedwa—futhi uzungeza umlingani wakho ngokuphelele, kungase kuvimbe ukukhangwa nothando. Kungani? Ngoba umsusile umuntu awele kuye kwasekuqaleni. Ngakho-ke gcina lowo wesifazane onogqozi nge-vibe yakhe ephila ngazo zonke izindlela.

16. Zinike isikhathi nesithandwa sakho

Nakuba isikhala nokuzimela ebudlelwaneni kubalulekile, udinga futhi ukulinganisela nesikhathi esifanelekile sobudlelwano bakho. Impilo iba matasa. Imisebenzi, izibopho zomndeni, ukuminza kwe-Netflix, konke kungazelelwe kuqale ukweba isikhathi esasisetshenziswa uthando. Ungavumeli lokho kwenzeke. Njengoba nje uhlela imihlangano yomsebenzi noma ikhofi nomngane, hlela ubusuku bokuqomisana kanye nesikhathi sokuba ndawonye nomlingani wakho. Lesi ngesinye sezeluleko ezinhle kakhulu zobudlelwano kwabesifazane abasebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside noma emshadweni. Isikhathi esivamile somuntu nomuntu sigcina ubuhlobo buqinile. Akudingeki ngaso sonke isikhathi kube isidlo sakusihlwa esimnandi. Ungase futhi,

• Pheka ndawonye 
• Hamba ngezinyawo 
• Beka eceleni ihora lokukhuluma ngaphandle kweziphazamiso
• Sebenzani ndawonye 
• Hlolani izinto ezintsha enizilibazisayo nezintshisakalo njengabashadikazi

Okubalulekile wukunaka okungahlukaniseki nokusebenzelana ngenhloso ngaphandle kweziphazamiso. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini Ukulindela Okungafaneleki Ebudlelwaneni

17. Ungalindeli ukuthi indoda yakho izofunda ingqondo yakho 

Uma kukhona iseluleko esisodwa sokuthandana sabesifazane abavela emadodeni esingasibuyisela wonke amadoda, kungaba yilesi: "Asibona abafundi bengqondo." Ngakho-ke, khuluma, veza izidingo zakho, izinto ozifunayo, nezilindele. Uma kukhona okukukhathazayo noma udinga okuthile kuye, sebenzisa amazwi akho. Ungacabangi ukuthi uzothatha amacebo angacacile noma ukuthi uma ekuthanda, uzozifundisa ngomlingo zonke izidingo zakho. Kusethela nobabili kuphela ekuhlulekeni.

Zonke lezo zindlela ezingaqondile njengokucasuka buthule unethemba lokuthi uzobuza ukuthi yini inkinga, ukuthi “Ngiphilile” uma ungaphilile, ukusho into ehlekisayo akubatholi abantu abaningi. Bavame ukukhetha ngempela ukuthi ubatshele ngqo. Futhi indoda ekukhathalelayo ngeke ibonge nje ukwethembeka kwakho kodwa futhi izosabela kahle ekukhulumisaneni kwakho okucacile.

18. Beka ukusondelana kuqala

Ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo kuyingcina egcina ubuhlobo bungabi nje ubungane obukhazinyulisiwe noma isimo sokuhlala naye. Impilo ingaba matasatasa, futhi ukusondelana kuvame ukuba yinto yokuqala yokunganakwa lapho simatasa noma sicindezelekile. Kodwa kwenze kube yinto eza kuqala. Lokhu akusho ucansi kuphela, nakuba lokho kubalulekile, kodwa futhi ukugona, ukuqabulana, ukubambana ngezandla, nokuhlola imizwa ejulile. Kumayelana nokugcina lokho kuxhumana kothando. 

Ungaweli enganekwaneni yokuthi uthando luvele luphele ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kungaba uma kunganakwa, kodwa imibhangqwana ehlakulela ukusondelana ngamabomu ngokuvamile igcina inhlansi ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eminingi. Ukubeka ukusondelana kuqala kungase kusho ukuhlela ubusuku bezinsuku noma ngisho nokuhlela isikhathi sokusondelana uma kudingeka. Kusho futhi ukunaka izikhathi ezincane: ukuqabula okujulile ngaphambi kokuya emsebenzini kunokupekitha ngokushesha, noma ukugoqana kusofa esikhundleni sokuhlala ezindaweni eziphambene ugqolozele amafoni.

Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kuhlangene nomzimba. Qiniseka ukuthi ukhuluma njalo ngokungaphezu nje kokuhamba kwansuku zonke. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho, amaphupho, ukwesaba - lokho kusondelana kugcina isibopho somzwelo siqinile, okuvame ukuvuselela isifiso somzimba futhi. 

Kunomqondo wesayensi yezengqondo yobudlelwano owaziwa ngokuthi “ ama-bids for connection ”, obhekisela emizamweni emincane yokuxhumana eyenzeka nsuku zonke, njengokufinyelela ukumanga noma ukuthi, “Bheka le meme”. Imibhangqwana ephendula ama-bids omunye nomunye inobuhlobo obuqinile kunalabo abahlale benganaki noma benqaba ama-bids.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukubaluleka Kwenhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni

19. Hloniphanani

Inhlonipho iyisisekelo sanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obunempilo. Uthando olungenayo inhlonipho lungaphenduka lube yingozi noma lube nohlangothi olulodwa ngokushesha. Pho inhlonipho ibukeka kanjani usuku nosuku? Ukulalela imibono yomunye nomunye, ngisho noma ningavumelani. Ukukhuluma ngomusa futhi ungalokothi ululaze noma ululaze umlingani wakho ngamabomu. Ukusekela ubuntu bomunye nomunye, ukuhlonipha imingcele yabo, izindinganiso zabo, abangane babo, nomndeni. Empeleni, ukuphatha umlingani wakho njengomuntu olingana naye imicabango nemizwa yakhe okubaluleke ngempela kuwe.

Ngezinye izikhathi lapho bebhekene nemizwa yothando noma ngesikhathi sokulwa, inhlonipho inganyamalala. Ungase usho okuthile okulimazayo noma ukudelela imizwa yabo. Sonke singabantu futhi asiphelele, kodwa uma inhlonipho iyisiqondiso, uzozibamba bese ulungisa. Ukuxolisa okusheshayo njengokuthi “Ngiyaxolisa, lokho bekuphambene nomthetho. Ngiyakuhlonipha futhi bengingahlosile ukukusho ngaleyo ndlela,” kungasiza kakhulu ekubuyiseleni inhlonipho ebudlelwaneni.

Ngenkathi ukhombisa inhlonipho kumlingani wakho, qiniseka ukuthi nayo iyaphindiselwa. Uma insizwa ike ikubonisa indelelo esobala ngokukubiza ngamagama, indiba “cha” wakho, noma ikhulume nawe phansi, yibize. Uma kuqhubeka, cabanga kabusha ubudlelwano ngoba ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho kuvame ukuba kubi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, futhi ngakho, ikhwalithi yokuxhumana kwakho nayo iyawohloka.

20. Yabelana nabangani bakho

Ukulethana emibuthanweni yenu yokuxhumana kungaba yindlela enhle yokuhlanganisa izimpilo zenu. Kodwa-ke, kukhona i-caveat: kufanele yenziwe ngokududuzeka nokuvumelana. Ungamhlukanisi umlingani wakho nabangane bakhe, futhi ungalahli owakho, kodwa yenza umzamo wokuhlangana futhi uhlangane nabangane bomunye nomunye. Kunempilo lapho abangani bakho beba abangane bethu ngokwezinga elithile. Lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uthande bonke abangane bakhe noma okuphambene nalokho, kodwa ukwamukela nokuchitha isikhathi nabangane bomunye nomunye kukhombisa ukuthi unendaba nazo zonke izici zokuphila komunye nomunye.

Kukhona ingcebo ejabulisayo ekuhlanganeni nabantu ababili noma ekuhlanganeni kwamaqembu lapho umhlaba wenu uhlangana khona. Mhlawumbe isoka lomngane wakho omkhulu liba umngane womlingani wakho ejimini, noma umkamngane wakhe wobuntwana abe yisifuba sakho esiseduze. Lokhu kuxhumana okude kungaqinisa isibopho senu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukubona umlingani wakho esicini sakhe sokuxhumana nabantu kungakwenza ubazise kabusha. Ungase ubone izimfanelo kubo, njengokuthi bahlekisa noma banakekela kangakanani nabangani, okukwenza uthandane kakhulu. Futhi bazokubona ukhanya phakathi kweqembu lakho, okuyinto ekhangayo futhi. Kufana nokuthola isithombe esiphelele sokuthi omunye nomunye ungubani.

21. Mamukele futhi umazise

Ukwamukela nokwazisa kuyizilinganiso zothando ezithi: Ngiyanibona, nonke, futhi ngiyanamukela njengoba ninjalo. Kubaluleke kakhulu. Manje, lokhu akusho ukubekezelela ukuziphatha okubi ngempela njengokungahloniphi noma ukuhlukumeza, kodwa ukuqaphela ukuthi wonke umuntu unamaphutha, izinto ezingalungile, nemikhuba ecasulayo, kanye nokunquma ukuthi yiziphi ongaphila nazo. Yamukela ukuthi ushiya amasokisi phansi ngezinye izikhathi, noma ukuthi ukhohlwe ngezinsuku, kodwa ulungise ngezinye izindlela.

Kusho futhi ukwamukela indlela akuthanda ngayo, inqobo nje uma usuka endaweni enhle. Mhlawumbe akayona imbongi enamazwi, kodwa ukhombisa uthando ngezenzo, njengokuhlale eqinisekisa ukuthi imoto yakho inogesi. Kuqaphele futhi ukwazise lokho esikhundleni sokumqhathanisa nombono othile. Kubalulekile futhi ngokulinganayo ukuzwakalisa ukwazisa nokubonga njalo. 

Ekujaheni kwempilo, kulula ukuqala ukumthatha kalula umlingani wakho, ikakhulukazi izinto ezincane ahlala ezenza. Mhlawumbe ukulethela ikhofi njalo ekuseni, noma uhlale eshayela uma uphuma, noma akulalele ukhuluma ngomsebenzi. Ungazivumeli lezo zenzo zingaziswa. Kwazise konke okukhulu nokuncane akwenzela kona, futhi ubonise lokho kwazisa. Akugcini nje ngokumenza azizwe eyigugu, kodwa futhi kuqinisa ukuziphatha okuhle futhi kukhuthaze okuningi kwakho. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Lezi zeluleko zobudlelwano zabesifazane zihlanganisa izinto eziningi, futhi akudingekile ukuba uzenze kahle ngobusuku bonke. Kodwa ngethemba, njengoba usufundile, amathiphu ambalwa athinta kakhulu lapho ukhona empilweni yakho yothando. Mhlawumbe ubonile ukuthi udinga ukuzwakalisa izidingo zakho kakhulu, noma mhlawumbe bekufike kwashaya ukuthi ubudebesela ukuzinakekela noma ukubonga. Ubudlelwano bungothisha bethu abakhulu, futhi ukuba sothandweni kuwuhambo oluhlala lushintsha. Yamukela inqubo yokufunda.

Khumbula, ngisho nochwepheshe nemibhangqwana eshadile ejabulayo bayavuma ukuthi bayaqhubeka benza lezi zinto. Kuzoba nezikhathi lapho ungase ujahe kancane, noma usheshe ulwe, noma ukhohlwe ukulalela ngokugcwele, futhi lokho kulungile. Okubalulekile ukukubona nokuzama futhi. Uthando lwakhiwe ezikhathini zansuku zonke, ngesenzo esicabangelayo, indlebe elalelayo, ukuhleka okwabiwe, nokwanga okusekela ngemva kwengxabano. Ngakho phuma futhi uthande ngesibindi nangokuhlakanipha. Futhi noma nini lapho ungabaza, phinda uvakashele lawa manuggets.

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