Yini I-Simp Futhi Ingabe Ifulegi Elibomvu Emadodeni?

Cishe uzwe othile ebizwa ngokuthi “lula” ku-inthanethi. Mhlawumbe ku-meme, ku-tweet, noma esigabeni sokuphawula lapho othile ezosiwa khona ngenxa “yokwenza okuningi” ukuze athatheke. Futhi lokho kukwenze uzibuze, "Kuyini ukulula? Futhi kuyini ukulula?" Leli gama liqhume eminyakeni yamuva, kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi, sekunesikhathi eside kune-TikTok noma i-Reddit. Futhi ngenkathi igama lijikijelwa ngokukhululekile, empeleni likhomba kokuthile okungokoqobo - iphethini yokuziphatha lapho othile ezithela kakhulu kumuntu ongabuyiseli amandla afanayo.

Ngakho-ke masilungise into eyodwa kusenesikhathi: ukuba nomusa, uthando, noma ukuvuleleka ngokomzwelo akukwenzi ube lula. Kodwa lapho ukuzethemba kwakho kuqala kuncike endleleni omunye umuntu akuphatha ngayo nalapho usupha ngokweqile, uxolisa kakhulu, futhi ulokhu ujahe ukuvunyelwa, yilapho sekuyisikhathi sokuma kancane uzibuze ukuthi kwenzakalani ngempela.

Uma lokho kuzwakala kujwayelekile, ake sikusize ohambweni lwakho lokuzindla ngokuhlephula lokho okulula, ukuthi kubukeka kanjani ebudlelwaneni, nokuthi ungazi kanjani uma weqe lowo mugqa. Asizile ukuzojabhisa muntu. Phela sonke senze izinto esingaziqhenyi ngazo. Kodwa ukuqonda izimpawu kungakusiza ukuthi ubonakale ebudlelwaneni obucacile, ukuzethemba, nokuzihlonipha. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhathazekile ngokuthi uyalulaza, ubizwe oyedwa, noma ufuna nje ukugwema ukuwela kulolo gibe, lokhu ukuhlukana kwakho kwe-no-BS lapho uthando olunempilo luphela khona futhi amaphethini angenampilo aqala.

Kuyini Sipping?

Kalula nje, “ukungathandi” kubhekisela ekuzithobeni ngokweqile noma ekuziphatheni okunesifiso sothando ngomuntu omthandayo, ikakhulukazi uma umzamo ungabuyiselwa. Ekulumeni kwe-inthanethi, isithutha ngokuvamile umuntu, ngokuvamile indoda, okwenzela umuntu amthandayo okuningi kakhulu, esho noma enza noma yini ukuze amjabulise ngethemba lokuthola umusa. Incazelo yesithutha esilulumeni sokuthandana sanamuhla imayelana nokuzikhandla ngokweqile, ukunikeza umuntu ukunaka, izipho, kanye nodumo, ngenkathi udebeselela ukuzihlonipha kwakho noma imingcele yakho.

Igama elithi simp empeleni livela ku-“simpleton” futhi selikhona isikhathi eside, kodwa laqhuma ekudumeni cishe ngo-2020 ngenxa yomkhuba weTikTok #SimpNation. Kusenjalo, wonke umuntu waba nelukuluku lokwazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukulula, eqhuma amahlaya futhi ebhala ngisho nokushukuma komzimba okuncane njengokulula. Isibonelo, ukuhlanganiswa okukodwa kwegciwane kusho ukuthi ulula uma uphendula ucingo lwe-FaceTime oluvela entombazaneni noma uyiboleka i-hoodie yakho lapho ibanda, okuthi, masikhulume iqiniso, kuwukuziphatha okuhle kwabafana nje okuvamile! Lokhu kusetshenziswa kwanda kwashintsha ukulula kwaba igama elivamile, elivame ukusetshenziswa ngendlela edelelayo ukuze kuhlaliswe “abafana abahle.”

Njengakwezinye izinto eziningi, i-inthanethi yadlula ilebula. Yingakho kubalulekile ukubuza umbuzo, yini ukulula ebudlelwaneni? Empeleni, kulapho umuntu oyedwa ebuka noma ezama ukujabulisa omunye kakhulu, ngokuvamile emzamweni “wokuthenga” uthando. Nazi izibonelo zezinganekwane zokuziphatha okulula: 

• Ukunikeza umusa ongapheli njengokwenza umsebenzi wesikole wothile noma imisebenzi angakaze ayicele
• Ukululaza nokuvumelana nakho konke umuntu akushoyo, esaba ukuzwakalisa noma yikuphi ukungezwani
• Ilokhu ilahla izincomo
• Ukuthumela imali noma izipho ezibizayo ku-inthanethi
• Ukuhlela kabusha impilo yakho ukuze ubhekelele umuntu ongakunaki kangako
• Ukuthumela imiyalezo futhi ukuthumela umbhalo kabili umuntu ongaphenduli kalula

Umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano uDionne Reid uyaxwayisa, “Ukudlala akulona uthando; ukulahlekelwa umbono wakho ngokubaluleka kokuphishekela uthando lomunye umuntu.” Ungase ubuze, “Kungani abantu benza lula uma ngokuvamile kuholela emizweni engathandeki nobuhlungu benhliziyo?” Ngokuvamile, kubangelwa ukuzethemba okuphansi noma ukungazethembi. 

Umuntu angase akholelwe ukuthi kufanele “azuze” uthando ngokupha ngokweqile. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ziphawula ukuthi abantu abangavikelekile noma labo abanolwazi oluncane lokuqomisana kungenzeka bangene ekuziphatheni okulula. Bangase bathatheke ngothile abambheka njengongekho eqenjini labo futhi ngaleyo ndlela bagobe ukuze babajabulise. 

Kwezinye izimo, ukwenza lula ukugqagqana nokuthambekela okujabulisa abantu noma okuncikile. Inganekwane enhle ingabuye ishayele ukulula. Abalula bacabanga ukuthi ukushukuma komzimba okuhle ekugcineni kuzokwenza omunye umuntu "abone" ukubaluleka kwakhe futhi aphindisele ngothando. Ngeshwa, okungokoqobo ngokuvamile akusebenzi ngaleyo ndlela, futhi umusa we-simp ngokuvamile awubuzwa futhi awufunwa.

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Izimpawu eziyi-10 zokuthi Uyalulaza

Manje, incazelo ye-simping icacisa into eyodwa: ukuziphatha okuthile akuzona izenzo zothando olungenathemba njengoba zenziwe zaba yizo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungaba nzima ukwazi uma uwela lowo mngcele, ikakhulukazi uma ubanjwe imizwa enamandla ngothile. Lokhu kungakushiya uzibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani ukuthi uyamlingisa noma ubonisa uthando olunempilo ngothile. Impendulo ingase ilele kulezi zimpawu eziyi-10 eziphezulu zokuthi uyamlingisa:

1. Usebenzisa imali engaphezu kwamandla akho ukuze ubahlabe umxhwele

Esinye sezibonelo zakudala zokuziphatha okulula ukushisa imbobo esikhwameni sakho somuntu omthandayo. Ingabe uzithola usukhokhela zonke izidlo zabo, uthenga izipho ezibizayo, noma uchitha imali eningi ngamathikithi ekhonsathi ukuze nje ubajabulise, ngisho noma ungakwazi ngempela ukukukhokhela? Ukuphuma endleleni yakho ukuze uxhase izidingo zabo, noma okubi nakakhulu, izidingo zabo, njalo kuyifulegi elibomvu. 

Impela, ukuphatha othile okukhethekile ngezikhathi ezithile kuwuthando. Kodwa uma uhlezi ukhipha ukheshi noma ubathela ngezipho ezinhle ngethemba lokuthi bazokubuyisela uthando lwakho, kungenzeka ukuthi kulula. Isibonelo, insizwa ekhipha imali yayo eyongile ukuze ithenge ifoni entsha, lapho ingamthumeleli nombhalo, ayibi “mnandi”, ingena endaweni ephelelwe ithemba. Khumbula, uthando alukwazi ukuthengwa, futhi ukuxhumana kwangempela akudingi ukuphulwa.

2. Ubathumelela imiyalezo njalo 

Olunye uphawu lwakudala olwenza kalula luyisifiso esingalawuleki sokuthumela umbhalo noma uthumele i-DM kumuntu ngokungami, ngisho noma ekunikeza impendulo encane. Uthumela ukuthi “Sawubona!” nsuku zonke, bageze ngama-meme, izincomo, izibuyekezo ezimayelana nempilo yakho, futhi bayaphendula uma kufaneleka, uma kunjalo. Nokho uyaqhubeka nokuqala. 

Ungathumela umbhalo kabili noma kathathu uma bengaphenduli, uhlole ngokukhathazeka ucingo lwakho njalo emizuzwini embalwa, futhi uzizwe unqenqema baze baphendule. Lolu hlobo lokuziphatha ngokuvamile luvela esidingweni esikhathazayo sokunaka nokuqinisekiswa kwabo. Ekusebenzelaneni okunempilo, ukusebenzisana kunezindlela ezimbili futhi kulinganisa. Kumodi elula, umuntu oyedwa wenza konke ukujaha. 

Ucwaningo luze luhlanganise ukuhlola ucingo ngokweqile kanye nemiyalezo nokukhathazeka okukhulu ebudlelwaneni obungaphendulwani. Ngakho-ke, uma ubhala imibhalo emide futhi uthola izimpendulo zegama elilodwa noma ungazitholi izimpendulo, thatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva. Akufanele ucele ukunakwa.

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3. Uhlala ulahla izinhlelo zakho zokuzamukela

Zibuze: ingabe uyakhansela kubangani bakho noma weqa izibopho ezibalulekile noma nini lapho lowo muntu ekucela? Uma ushintsha isimiso sakho njalo, ukhulula izibopho zangaphambilini, noma uzenza utholakale ngo-100% ngesikhathi esithile ngenxa yothile, ulula kakhulu. Ukuguquguquka ngezikhathi ezithile kulungile, kodwa ukubeka isimiso sabo njalo ngaphezu kwempilo yakho akusikho. Ubudlelwano obuhle buhilela ukuvumelana kuzo zombili izinhlangothi, hhayi umuntu oyedwa ohlala enza ukwamukelana. Uma abangani bakho behlekisa ngokuthi “ungagxuma uma ethi gxuma” noma uma uzizwa unecala uthatha ngisho nosuku olulodwa, sekuyisikhathi sokuhlola iqiniso.

4. Ubenzela izinto obungeke ubenzele omunye umuntu

Ingabe wenza ngaphezu kwakho konke kulo muntu ngezindlela ezibonakala zidlulele noma ezingenasimilo? Mhlawumbe uzimisele ukushayela amahora amane ukuze ubaphathele ukudla okulula, ubasize babhale iphepha ngobusuku bangaphambi kokuba lifike ngesikhathi unezakho izikhathi ezimisiwe, noma ubathumelele imisebenzi abangayilindele abangane abavamile. Zonke lezi izimpawu eziyisixwayiso.

Ukuphana okukhulu noma ukusiza akukubi ngokwemvelo, kodwa ukwenza lula ngokuvamile kuhilela ukwenza umusa okungenangqondo ngethemba lokuzuza umusa. UDionne uthi, “Uma kuziwa endabeni yokuba nothile onemizwa yakhe, umehluko phakathi kokulula nokuthandana uwukuthi izinto ezithandwayo ezivamile azibuzwa. 

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5. Kunzima ukuthi uthi “cha” kubo

Lesi sibonakaliso siqondile: ukuhambisana ngokuphelele. Isibonelo, bacela umusa, ulungile. Bafuna ukukhetha indawo yokudlela, futhi udla noma yini abayifunayo. Baziphatha ngendlela ongakhululekile ngayo, futhi uluma ulimi lwakho ngoba ungafuni ukubacasula. Uma uhlezi ucabanga ukuthi, “Kufanele ngikhulume… kodwa angifuni ukuzifaka engozini yokuthi bacasuke noma bahambe,” lolo valo luqhuba uhlelo. 

UDionne uthi, “Uma ubeka phambili ubukhona bomuntu esikhundleni sokuthula kwakho, ulahlekelwa ukuxhumana nesikhungo sakho.” Ubudlelwano obunempilo angeke buwohloke uma uthi, “Empeleni, angikwazi ukukwenza lokho”, kanye ngesikhathi. Ngakho-ke uma elithi “yebo” kuyilona kuphela igama esilulungwini sakho esibazungezile, sekuyisikhathi sokubuyisela umgogodla wakho. Ukuhlala uvumelana nezinto ongazifuni akunempilo. 

6. Uwabeka phezu kwe-pedestal futhi uwenze ube ngcono

Ingabe ubheka lo muntu njengomuntu ongenasici? Ama-Simps avame ukuhlakulela i-rose-tinted obsession. Umuntu abamthandayo akakwazi ukwenza okubi, futhi emehlweni abo, lo muntu ukhethekile ngokuphelele uma eqhathaniswa nanoma ubani omunye. Ungase uzithole ubavikela ngisho nalapho bekuphatha kabi, noma ulinganisela ukuziphatha kwabo okubi. Ungase ucabange ukuthi akekho umuntu omuhle, ohlakaniphile, futhi ohlekisayo njengaye futhi uzizwa unenhlanhla emangalisayo ukuthola izingcezwana zokunaka kwakhe.

Lokhu kukhonzwa kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi awusamboni njengomuntu ojwayelekile, kodwa njengomqondo noma umklomelo. Kusikisela ukuthi ungase wakhe iphupho lokuthi lo muntu ungubani noma lobuhlobo obulindelwe, ungazinaki izinto ezingokoqobo. Ukubeka umuntu endaweni ephakeme kusho futhi ukwehlisa amaphutha akhe nokungawanaki amabala abomvu ebudlelwaneni.

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7. Uhlala ufuna ukugunyazwa kanye nokuqinisekiswa kwabo

Ingabe uthola ukuthi uhlezi uzibuza, “Ingabe lokhu kuzobenza bangithande kakhulu?” Ingabe uyabheka ukuthi basabela kanjani kukho konke okwenzayo, kusukela kwezimpahla zakho kuya kokuthunyelwe kwakho kwe-Instagram, ngethemba lokunconywa noma ukunakwa okuncane? Uma ubenzela okuthile okunomusa, ingabe kusuke kuwukunganaki, noma ngoba unethemba lokuthi ekugcineni bazokubuyisela imizwa yakho? Uma uthembekile futhi impendulo incike kokugcina, ubambekile ogibeni lokugunyaza. 

Ukuzethemba komuntu othanda izinto ezingavamile kuqala ukuncika ngokuphelele kulokho umuntu akushoyo. Isibonelo, ungase ushintshe izinto ozithandayo, imikhuba yakho, noma ngisho nobuntu bakho ukuze nje uvumelane nalokho ocabanga ukuthi bakufuna. Lokhu kuwukulahlekelwa okuyingozi kobuqiniso. Umsebenzisi we-Reddit ku-r/dating_advice ukuchaze kahle lokhu: “Umuntu othanda izinto ezingavamile yindoda engazihloniphi. Ucabanga ukuthi akanalo inani elingaphakathi noma elingenalo nhlobo inani futhi ukholelwa ukuthi kumele athathe izinyathelo ezingavamile zokudala inani lomuntu amthandayo.”

8. Awunaki amafulegi abomvu ekuziphatheni kwawo

Mhlawumbe abangani bakho bakhomba ukuthi lo muntu uyakubopha, uyakusebenzisa, noma mhlawumbe uyedelela ngamabomu kodwa wena ubeke izaba ngalokho. Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, ungase ubone amafulegi abomvu njengokuthi, 

• Bafona kuphela uma bedinga umusa
• Badlala ngothando nabanye phambi kwakho
• Bakusebenzisa ngokusobala njengendawo yokusiza imizwa ngenkathi bethandana nomunye umuntu

Nokho, ukhetha ukunganaki ngoba ukubhekana neqiniso kungase kusho ukulahlekelwa yibo. Lesi esinye sezimpawu ezibucayi kakhulu zokulula: ukubekezelela ukuziphatha okubi ukuze nje uhlale emzileni womuntu. Ungase uzitshele ukuthi, “Kulungile, ngilungile ngokuba abangani nje,” kuyilapho unethemba lokuthi bazoshintsha umqondo wabo, okwamanje, beqa yonke imingcele yakho. 

UDionne uthi, “Ukuziba amafulegi abomvu kunciphisa ukukhanya kolwazi lwakho. Kulalele. Kuhlale kukuqondisa.” Uma umuzwa wakho wemvelo noma wonke umuntu okukhathalelayo ephephezelisa amafulegi abomvu futhi ulokhu uwabekela eceleni, awukho umuntu ohloniphekile noma onesineke. Uyasizakala. 

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9. Uba nemizwelo ngokweqile noma ugaxekile ngabo

Ukuzibamba kungakhuphula izinga lakho lemizwa lifike ku-11 ngoba utshale imali eningi kulo muntu, konke ukuxhumana okuncane kuzwakala kuyingozi. Lokhu kungasho ukuthi isimo sakho sengqondo nesimo sakho sengqondo kuncike ngokuphelele endleleni abakuphatha ngayo ngosuku oluthile. Isibonelo, uma bephendula umyalezo wakho, kwenza usuku lwakho lube luhle. Kodwa uma bekushiya ufunda , uphelelwa yithemba.

Mhlawumbe uphatheka kabi kakhulu, ube nomona, noma ukhathazeke ngezinto ezincane, njengokuthi bangakuthandi okuthunyelwe kwakho noma bancokole nomunye umuntu. Ungase udale idrama ukuze unake, noma ube nezimo lapho izinto zingahambi ngendlela obufisa ngayo. Lolu hlobo lokuguquguquka kwemizwelo luwuphawu lokuthi umhlaba wakho uzungeza kakhulu embonweni wabo. 

10. Udebeselela izidingo zakho, imigomo, noma abangane

Mhlawumbe isibonakaliso esikhulu kunazo zonke osilulayo ukuthi awusaboni “wena.” Ekuphekeleni omunye umuntu, ama-simps ngokuvamile avumela ukuphila kwawo kuwele endleleni. Ngakho zibuze, 

• Ingabe usuziyekile izinto owawuzithanda ngenxa yokuthi sonke isikhathi sakho uzinikele kuzo? 
• Ingabe ubungane bakho buyaphela ngoba uhlezi ulahla abangani bakho ukuze batholakalele ukuchotshozwa kwakho? 
• Kuthiwani ngezinhloso zakho zomuntu siqu, njengezifundiswa, umsebenzi, noma impilo? Ingabe labo bayahlupheka? 

Ukudebeselela ukuzinakekela kanye nokuthuthuka komuntu siqu kuwumphumela onzima wokwenza lula. Uma udela zonke izidingo zakho nezintshisekelo zakho ngenxa yomunye umuntu, awuzinikeli. Uzibeka esimweni sokungajabuli, futhi okuxakayo, lelo zinga lokuzidela ngokuvamile alinazi ngisho ngomunye umuntu. 

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Ezothando vs. I-Simp: Ukuthi Okubili Kuhluke Kanjani

Uma uthi nhlá, ukwenza lula kungase kubukeke njengothando. Phela, kokubili kuhilela ukubonisa uthando, ukwenza izinto ezicabangelayo, nokubeka injabulo yomunye umuntu kuqala. Kodwa umehluko oyinhloko usekugqugquzeleni, ekulinganiseni nasekubuyiseleni.

Uthando olunempilo lusekelwe ekuzihlonipheni nasekuzibongeni. Bobabili abalingani bayaphana futhi bayamukela, bavumelane lapho kudingeka, futhi babonise ukunakekelwa ngezindlela ezizwakala zingokwemvelo kunokuba baphoqelelwe. Izenzo zothando zivela endaweni yokuzethemba nokubuyisana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukululaza kuvame ukubangelwa ukungazethembi noma ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa. Esikhundleni sokuba nobudlelwano obuseduze, kuba ukuphishekela uhlangothi olulodwa lapho umuntu oyedwa ehlala ephana, ebekezelelana ngokweqile, noma edela imingcele yakhe ngethemba lokuthola uthando. Nazi izici ezibalulekile ezihlukanisa laba ababili:

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Ingabe I-Sipping A Red Flag Emadodeni?

Ukugoba intombazane, ivuma njalo, ikhokha njalo, ngokuyisisekelo ikhulekela phansi ehamba phezu kwayo. Ingabe ifulegi elibomvu lelo? Impendulo ayikona okumnyama nokumhlophe, kodwa incike kokuthi “yebo, kungaba ifulegi elibomvu” uma idlulela ekuziphatheni okulula. Nasi isizathu: 

• Ukuzihlonipha kubalulekile: Uma ukuziphatha kalula komfana kubonisa ukuthi akazihloniphi, kuwuphawu oluyisixwayiso sempilo yobuhlobo. Umlingani ongazihloniphi angase anamathele, acasuke, noma ancike ngokomzwelo
• Ukuntuleka kokubuyisana: Uthando lwangempela luhambisana, kanti ukulula kwangempela kuhlangothi olulodwa futhi kungabonisa ukungahambisani noma ukuxhashazwa okungase kube khona. Ukukhonza umuntu ongaphindiseli ngobumpumputhe, ngisho noma kungencane, kuwuphawu olubomvu lokuxhumana okungenampilo.
• Umehluko phakathi kokulula nokuba nothando: Umusa nezothando akuzona izimpawu ezibomvu. Umehluko phakathi kokulula nokuba nothando usekugqugquzeleni nasekulinganiseni. UDionne uthi, “Ukuba lula kusho ukwenza izinto ukukhombisa owesifazane ukuthi ubalulekile. Owokuqala uvela endaweni yokungalondeki, indawo yokugcina nokuqiniseka nothando
• Ukucisha: Abesifazane abaningi bathola ukuziphatha okulula ngokweqile kungakhangi noma kungagcini. Kungenza bangakhululeki noma kuholele ekulahlekelweni inhlonipho ngomfana. Uma indoda ingalokothi igomele, umlingani angase aqale ngokungenangqondo ukusizakala noma avele alahlekelwe isithakazelo. Ubuhlobo obunempilo budinga abantu ababili abaphelele, hhayi umuntu oyedwa ophakamisa i-ego yomunye njalo
• Amathuba okukhohlisa: Ngokudabukisayo, umfana ozimisele ukujabulisa noma ubani angase ahehe ozakwethu abazomkhohlisa noma bamsebenzise. Kulokhu, ukuba sengozini kuyifulegi elibomvu elingaholela umuntu ku- ubudlelwane obunobuthi

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Ukuqaphela ukuthi ubulokhu uphuza utshwala kungaba yinto ehlazisayo noma edumazayo, kodwa izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ungayishintsha le ndlela. Akusona isigwebo sokuphila konke! Ukuphula ukuziphatha okulula kumayelana nokwakha ukuzihlonipha kwakho, ukusungula imingcele enempilo , nokufunda izindlela ezinempilo zokubonisa uthando ezingahileli ukuzidela.

Uma ufuna izeluleko zokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukudlalela othile, nanka amasu asebenzayo ayisishiyagalolunye. Kuqala ngokuzazisa wena ukuze noma yiluphi uthando noma umusa owunikezayo uvela endaweni yamandla, hhayi ekusweleni. Ake singene kukho:

1. Yazisa inkinga kanye nomthelela wayo kuwe

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokungabi umuntu olula ukuqashelwa. Yiba qotho kuwe mayelana nendlela ukulula okuye kwathinta ngayo impilo yakho. Ingabe uzizwa ukhathele, ukhathazekile, noma uthathwa kalula ? Uyaqaphela ukuthi ulahlekelwe ubuwena bakho ngenkathi ufuna ukuvunyelwa othile? Hlola umthelela omubi. Mhlawumbe usalele emuva emigomweni yakho, noma impilo yakho yengqondo ihlushwa ukukhathazeka okuqhubekayo ngokujabulisa lo muntu.

Kungase kube buhlungu ukuvuma ukuthi, “Bengilokhu ngidela ukuzihlonipha kwami ​​ngomuntu ongaphindiseli,” kodwa ukwenza kanjalo kumnika amandla. Bhala phansi izimo ezithile lapho wazi khona ukuthi uzelule ngokweqile nokuthi kukwenze wazizwa kanjani. Lokhu kuvuma kubalulekile ngoba kuguqula umuzwa wokuthi “into engalungile” ibe sobala ngendaba ewumnyombo. Ngokuqonda ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakho kuyingxenye yenkinga, ubuyisela ukulawula ezandleni zakho. Akukhona ukuthi omunye umuntu “ukhohlakele” noma “uyasizakala”, wukuthi ubuphana ngokweqile. Futhi ukuthi ungashintsha.

2. Beka imingcele ecacile

Ukuze uqonde indlela yokuyeka ukulula kumuntu, okokuqala udinga ukuba nempendulo ecacile yombuzo othi, kungani abantu belula? Njengoba sike sakhuluma, kuvame ukuphumela ku-, 

• Ukuzenyeza 
• Isitayela sokunamathisela esikhathazekile 
• Ukungazethembi 
• Ukuthambekela kokujabulisa abantu 
• Ukuthembela

Ukubeka imingcele enempilo kuyindlela ehlolwe isikhathi yokuzivikela ekuziphatheni okubi okuvela kulezi zinkinga eziwumsuka. Ngakho-ke, yisikhathi sokudweba imigqa ethile. Nquma ukuthi yini ozoyenzela nongeke uyenzele abanye, futhi unamathele kukho. Isibonelo, ungase ubeke umthetho wokuthi ngeke uphendule emibhalweni engaphuthumi ngemva kwehora elithile, noma ngeke uchithe imali engaphezu kwenani elinqunyiwe ezipho/nezinsuku ngaphandle uma ubuhlobo buhambisana ngokucacile. Kungase futhi kusho ukunquma ukungakubekezeleli ukungahloniphi: uma befona ngo-2 AM kuphela ukuze bakugibele futhi ungalungile ngalokho, umngcele ungase ube “Cha, ngidinga esinye isaziso”. 

Imingcele ihlanganisa nesikhathi sakho. Isibonelo, “Njalo ngoLwesithathu, ngizochitha isikhathi nabangane/umndeni, futhi angeke ngisakukhansela lokho ukuze ngimbone ngomzuzu wokugcina.” Lapho ubeka le mingcele, yikhulume ngomoya ophansi uma kudingeka. Awudingi ukumemezela ukuthi “Angisalulami!” Vele ugomele ngokutholakala kwakho nemikhawulo: “Angikwazi ukukhuluma njengamanje, ngizokufica kusasa,” noma “Uxolo, angikwazi ukwenza lokho.” 

Uma umuntu ejwayele ukuthi ube nemingcele enguziro, angamangala noma ahlehle. Hlala uqinile. Zihloniphe ngokwanele ukuba umise ama- guardrails. Umphumela omuhle kakhulu wukuthi abantu bavame ukukuhlonipha kakhulu uma uzihlonipha. Futhi uma othile engayihloniphi imingcele yakho? Lokho ifulegi elibomvu kuzo, futhi ungcono ngaphandle kwalokho kunamandla.

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3. Gxila kabusha emigomweni yakho kanye nezintshisekelo zakho

Enye yezindlela ezinhle kakhulu zokuyeka ukwelula amathiphu ukwakha impilo engazuzi entweni oyithandayo. Cabanga ngezinto zokuzilibazisa, izinkanuko, namaphupho okungenzeka ukuthi ukubeke eceleni. Sekuyisikhathi sokubuyisela labo phambili. Ubuthanda ubuciko, ezemidlalo, ukubhala amakhodi, umculo, kodwa uchithe izinyanga ezimbalwa ezedlule ugqolozele ifoni yakho ulinde umbhalo? Ngena ubuyele kulezo zithakazelo. 

Zibekele imigomo yomuntu siqu ekujabulisayo futhi engahlangene nokuhlaba othile umxhwele. Kungaba ukushaya ijimu njalo, ukufunda ikhono elisha, ukuthuthukisa umsebenzi wakho, noma ukuhlela uhambo nabangani. Ngokugxila ekukhuleni kwakho, kwenzeka izinto ezimbili ezinkulu: 

• Uba nokuzethemba okwengeziwe futhi uthakazelise—izimfanelo ezikhangayo ebuhlotsheni obunempilo
• Uthatha ingqondo nesikhathi sakho, ushiya isikhala esincane sokucabanga ngokweqile ngalowo muntu

Lokhu ngeke kugcine ngokuthuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho, kodwa kuzophinde kuguqule amandla abuyele esimweni esilinganiselwe. Awuseyena umuntu ongenakho okwenzekayo ngaphandle kokuzinikela; ungumuntu onenhloso. Lokho kuyathandeka futhi kunempilo.

4. Funda ukuthi “cha” 

Kwabathanda ukujabulisa abantu njalo, elithi “cha” lingazwakala njengegama elinezinhlamvu ezine. Kodwa themba, lingenye yamagama akhulula kakhulu olimini lwesiNgisi. Qala ngezindlela ezincane uma kufanele. Uma becela usizo olungabasizi, prakthiza ukuthi, “Uxolo, angikwazi kulokhu.” Uma bezama ukukukhubekisa noma ukukucindezela, hlala uqinile. Awukweleti muntu izaba ezinde. Igama elithi “cha” liwumusho ophelele.

Ekuqaleni, lokhu kungase kukunikeze ukukhathazeka. Ungase ukhathazeke, “Ingabe bazoyeka ukungithanda uma ngithi cha?” Kodwa khumbula, uma uthando lomuntu ngawe luncike kuphela ekubeni ungabi nemingcele noma izinto azithandayo, lolo thando akufanele ube nalo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kuba lula. Futhi isikhathi ngasinye lapho unamathela kokuthi “cha” futhi isibhakabhaka singawi, uzokhula ukuzethemba. Lesi isinyathelo esikhulu sokuphuma endaweni elula futhi uye kuwe olinganiselayo. Ukuzethemba kufuna ibhalansi, futhi ukwenqaba kudala lokho kulinganisela.

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5. Hlakulela umuzwa onempilo wokuzihlonipha

Leli thiphu lokuthi ungakumisa kanjani ukulula liyingqondo kodwa libaluleke kakhulu: sebenzela ukuthi uzibuka kanjani. Uma ukulula kube iphethini yakho, kungenzeka ukuthi ububeka abanye ngaphezu kwakho ngoba ekujuleni, ungase uzizwe ungaphezu kwakho. Sekuyisikhathi sokuphikisa lokho kulandisa. Ubaluleke kakhulu njengomuntu omthandayo. Qala ukuziphathisa ngomusa nokukhathazeka okufanayo obulokhu ukupha kona. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise izenzo ezincane ezifana nokunakekela ukubukeka kwakho, ukudla kahle, ukuzivocavoca, hhayi omunye umuntu, kodwa wena. 

Kubandakanya futhi inkhulumomphendvulwano yangaphakathi. Naka ukuzikhulumela kwakho. Uma uvame ukucabanga ukuthi, “Angibafanelekele” noma “Kufanele ngenze u-X noma akekho ozongithanda,” yibambe leyo micabango bese uyibuza. Kungani ungeke ube muhle ngokwanele? Wonke umuntu unamaphutha. Lokho akukwenzi ungakufanelekeli ukuhlonishwa noma ukuthandwa. Kwesinye isikhathi ukubhala uhlu lwezimfanelo zakho ezinhle nezimpumelelo kungakusiza ukukukhumbuza ukubaluleka kwakho.

Ungase futhi ucabange ukufuna ukwesekwa ukuze wakhe ukuzethemba, kungaba ukukhuluma nomngane omethembayo, ukujoyina iqembu lokusekela, noma ukubonana nomelaphi. Uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo angakusiza ukuthi ukhiphe ukuthi kungani ungase ubophe ukubaluleka kwakho ekugunyazweni kwabanye nokuthi ungakwakha kanjani kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho ngaphakathi. Njengoba ukhula ukuzihlonipha, uzoqaphela ukuthi uyeka ukubekezelela ukuziphatha okuthile. Kuzocishe kube ngokwemvelo ukucabanga ukuthi, "Ngilinde, ngifanelwe okungcono kunokuba inketho noma umfana othunyiwe." 

6. Veza imizwa nezidingo zakho ngokukhululekile

Olunye ugibe abawela kulo ukufihla imizwa yabo yangempela noma izidingo zabo ngenxa yokwesaba ukunyakazisa isikebhe. Mhlawumbe ubulokhu uphina buthule, wenza zonke lezi zinto ezinhle, kodwa ungalokothi uveze okufunayo ngokwethembeka. Sekuyisikhathi sokushintsha lokho. Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo sanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obunempilo. Uma unemizwa yothando ngothile okubona njengomngane kuphela, kunokuba uhlale unethemba lokuthi uzokubona ukuzinikela kwakho, cabanga ngokuthula ukumazisa indlela ozizwa ngayo futhi ulungele ukuhlonipha impendulo yakhe, ngisho noma kungeyona into obuyithemba. 

Uma uqomile noma uqomile futhi ubulokhu uluma ulimi ngezinto ezikuhluphayo, qala ukhulume ngazo. Isibonelo, “Ngiphatheka kabi uma ukhansela izinhlelo ngomzuzu wokugcina,” noma “Ngiyaqaphela ukuthi bengihlala ngivumelana nawe, kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi, ngezinye izikhathi ngikhetha ukuthi senze into engiyithandayo, futhi.” Lokhu akusho ukuxabana noma ukushuba ngokweqile. Umane ukhuluma iqiniso. 

Lokhu kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokufunda ukuthi ungabi kanjani umuntu othanda izinto ezilula ngoba ukuphuza utshwala kuvame ukuhilela imizwa eminingi ecindezelwe nokwenza ubumnene ngethemba lokuthola imivuzo engashiwongo. Lokho kuyindawo yokungaqondi kahle kanye nentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni . Ngokukhuluma, uyaqinisekisa ukuthi awuyena nje umuntu ofela ukholo. Kungase kube okwesabisayo ngoba ubeka engcupheni yokwenqatshwa noma ingxabano, kodwa kunempilo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

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7. Zijwayeze ukuzinakekela futhi utshale imali kobunye ubudlelwano

Uma ubugxile kakhulu kumuntu oyedwa, kulula ukukhohlwa umhlaba wonke. Uma ufuna ukuyeka ukwenza lula, yisikhathi sokukushintsha lokho ngokwandisa inethiwekhi yakho yosekelo futhi uzikhulise. Yenza umzamo oqotho wokuchitha isikhathi nabangane nomndeni abakwenza uzizwe ubalulekile. Ukuhlakulela obunye ubudlelwano obunenjongo kukukhumbuza ukuthi ukubaluleka kwakho akuboshelwe kulowo muntu oyedwa. 

Futhi kunikeza ukwaneliseka ngokomzwelo, ngakho awuthembeli nje kuphela ekuqinisekisweni kothando. Phuma kulolo busuku be-movie nabangani, shayela abafowenu noma abazala bakho, uchithe isikhathi nabantu abanezintshisekelo ezifanayo nezakho. Njengoba uvuselela lobu budlelwano, uzozizwa uzinzile futhi ungasakhathazeki kakhulu ngezimpendulo zalowo muntu oyedwa. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, phinda kabili imikhuba yokuzinakekela . Lokhu kungafaka phakathi,

• Ukubekela eceleni imizuzu engu-30 ngosuku ukwenza okuthile okujabulela ngempela—ukufunda, ukudlala, ukuhamba, ukuzindla
• Ukuzivocavoca hhayi nje ukuze ubukeke umuhle kumuntu, kodwa ukuze uzizwe unamandla futhi uqiniseka kuwe
• Ukugcina imikhuba emihle yokulala
• Ukuzitotosa ngenqubo yokuzilungisa noma izingubo ezintsha ezikwenza uzizwe ujabule
• Ukubhala imizwa yakho 

Lapho uzinakekela kakhulu futhi uhlanganyela nabantu abahlukahlukene, yilapho uzozithola ulangazelela futhi ulula ukunakwa umuntu oyedwa. Njengebhonasi, impilo egcwele kahle ikwenza uthandeke ngokuzenzakalela futhi mancane amathuba okuthi ubekezelele umbhedo. Kulula kakhulu ukuthi “cha” noma uhambe lapho usunempilo eyanelisayo okufanele ubuyele kuyo.

8. Thatha ikhefu ekuqomeni uma kudingeka

Uma ukuziphatha kwakho okulula kube yingxenye yephethini, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukucindezela inkinobho yokumisa isikhashana ukuphola isikhathi esifushane. Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi sokuvala ukuze usethe kabusha indlela yakho yobudlelwano. Gxila kuwe ngokuphelele ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka kokuzama ukuzuza othile. Lokhu akudingekile ukuba kube isifungo esimangalisayo sokungashadi noma yini. Kungase kusho ukuthi ngamabomu ukungajahi muntu izinyanga ezimbalwa ngenkathi usebenzisa izinguquko esixoxile ngazo. 

Ngalesi sikhathi sekhefu, naka ukuthi kunjani ukuba wedwa. Kungase kungakhululeki ekuqaleni uma ujwayele ukuthola ukuzethemba komunye umuntu, kodwa uhlale nakho. Cishe uzothola ukuthi ulungile - ngisho ujabule - uwedwa, uma usujwayele. Uzoba nesikhathi sokuzindla ngokuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela kumlingani uma uqala futhi, nokuthi ufuna ukuphathwa kanjani.

9. Yamukelani ukuhlalisana futhi nibambelele ekubuyiseleni

Leli thiphu liyasebenza njengoba usebenzisa okungenhla futhi uqala ukuthandana futhi noma uma uqhubeka nobudlelwano bakho bamanje obuthuthukayo. Yenzani umzamo nobabili izinga lakho elisha legolide. Lokhu kusho ukuthi uyanikeza futhi ubonise ukunakekela, kodwa ulindele okufanayo ngembuyiselo. Akukhona ukuba yi-tit-for-tat encane kodwa mayelana nebhalansi iyonke. 

Uma ngabe ngokomlando wamukele imvuthuluka, manje ulinda lonke ikhekhe noma uhambe. Kungase kuzwakale sengathi “unokhahlo,” kodwa empeleni kulungile. Ufanelwe wumuntu okuthumelela imiyalezo kuqala ngesinye isikhathi, akubuze ukuthi belunjani usuku lwakho, okwenzela izinto ezinhle ngaphandle kokuncenga. Uma uqala ukubhekana nalokhu kuziphatha okufanayo, uzozibuza ukuthi kungani ukhokhele kancane. Inhlonipho, uthando lwezinhlangothi ezimbili luyikhambi lokululaza. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Ukwenza lula kungase kubonakale njenge-meme noma ihlaya ku-inthanethi, kodwa kuthinta amaphethini emizwa yangempela kanye nezingibe ebudlelwaneni. Uma ubonile okunye kwalokhu kuziphatha kuwena, ungazishayi indiva. Abaningi bethu, ngesinye isikhathi, baye badlula lapho befuna uthando noma ukuvunyelwa. Okubalulekile ukuthi wenzeni ngokulandelayo. Ngokuqonda ukuthi kuyini ukwenza lula, ukubona izimpawu kusenesikhathi, nokwenza izinguquko eziqaphelayo, ungazibuyisela emuva ekusebenzisaneni okunempilo.

Khumbula, akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuba nomusa, ukuphana, noma ukunakekela othile ngokujulile. Lezi izimfanelo ezinhle kakhulu. Kubaluleke ngani nokuthi uziveza kanjani. Uthando kufanele lubakhuthaze bobabili, lungashiyi omunye okhulekela ezinyaweni zomunye. Ekugcineni, ukuphila nothando kumayelana nokuthola ibhalansi. Ufuna ukukwazi ukunikeza uthando ngesihle, kodwa futhi uluthole. Ufuna ukunakekela abanye, kodwa futhi uzinakekele wena. 

Umgomo awukona ukwenza inhliziyo yakho ibe lukhuni noma ukudlala imidlalo yamandla; wukuthanda ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa nguwe. Uma ufinyelela lokho, uzozibuza ukuthi kungani uzimisele ukwenza noma yini encane. Ngakho qhubeka, yiba nomusa, yiba nothando, ube “wangempela” nabantu. Ungakhohlwa nje ukudlulisela lowomusa nothando kumuntu okudinga kakhulu: wena ngokwakho.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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