Uma ubulokhu unaka, imibandela yobudlelwano sekwephuzile isuka entweni ezwakala njengekhemikhali iye kokuthile okungafanele kube yigama nje. Ayakudida amanye amagama futhi “bae” akasabonwa! Izinsuku lapho amatemu obudlelwano aqinile futhi ayinkimbinkimbi ayethi "indawo yobungane" kanye "nobungani abanezinzuzo" sezadlula kudala. Njengoba i-Gen-Z manje isibusa indaba yokuqomisana, lindela ukuthi imigomo izoshintsha ngokufanele.
"Ubani ngisho oqamba la magama obudlelwano? Kunini lapho kwadida khona kangaka! Ayini la magama ahlukene obudlelwano?" Siyazi ukuthi lezi zinto ezikukhathazayo zinzima kuwe, ikakhulukazi uma uneminyaka ephakathi kuka-20. Kodwa ungakhathazeki nhlobo. Awusadingi ukukhathazeka mayelana nomdlalo wokuqomisana ogijimela phambili futhi ukushiye kude. Thola imibandela echaza ukuqomisana kwesimanje ngohlu lwethu olungezansi.
Imigomo Yobudlelwano Ehlanganisa Ubudlelwano Banamuhla
Okuqukethwe
Uma ubone igama elithi "breadcrumbing" kuphrofayela yomunye futhi ngokushesha wacabanga mayelana nezindlela zokupheka ezinezinkwa zokudla, udinga ukufunda lesi sihloko ukuze usihlanganise. Uzozithola usuthi “oh, ngakho-ke lokho kusho ukuthini!” futhi “linda…ini?” kulo lonke lolu hlu.
Kodwa asikho isidingo sanoma iyiphi ukuphola ukukhathazeka ukukunyonyobela ngoba awukayizwa kahle yonke le migomo yobudlelwano. Ungavumeli i-out-of-touch dating lingo yakho ikuphazamise “ukufaka ephaketheni” tirades (uzokwazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu ekupheleni kwalesi sihloko). Ngakho ake siqale!
1. Ukupakisha/ukufihla
Ukufaka ephaketheni kulapho usuthandane nomuntu isikhathi eside kodwa awukaze waziswe kubazali bakhe noma kubangani bakhe. Noma awukabazisi kwezakho. Ngokuyisisekelo bakubambe kodwa bengenazo izinhloso zangempela zokuyisa izinto kude nawe. Yebo, la magama obudlelwano bothando kwesinye isikhathi awawona 'owothando'.
Ukuze ubone ukuthi uyafakwa ephaketheni, cela uzakwenu ukuthi alayishe nawe indaba ye-Instagram. Uma bethuka futhi baphambukisa ukunaka kwakho, uyazi ukuthi kukhona okukhona. Nokho, emakhaya amaningi aseNingizimu Asia, lokhu sikwenza ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kubizwa ngokuhlala uphila ukuze abazali bakho bangakubulala!
2. I-Breadcrumbing - enye yemigomo evamile yokuqomisana ku-inthanethi
I-breadcrumbing isho ukuthi izwakala kanjani. Ukunikeza imvuthuluka embalwa ngenkathi uthembisa okwengeziwe, kodwa ungalokothi ulethe. Leli iqhinga abantu abalisebenzisayo ukuze bagcine othile ehuku, ukuze bahlale benentshisekelo. Kungase kudlule izinsuku ezimbalwa ngaphandle kombhalo futhi kungazelelwe ngolunye usuku bonke badlala ngothando futhi banesithakazelo kuwe futhi. Njengoba noma yimuphi umrepha angasho, ungathathi imvuthu, hamba uyolanda leso sinkwa. Ngaphandle uma isinkwa sinobuthi, lapho-ke udinga ukusilahla.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini I-Breadcrumbing Ekupholeni? Izimpawu Nendlela Yokusabela Kuyo
3. Ukugoba
Cabanga ngomuntu eza kuwe ekilabhini, futhi wenze sengathi umngane wakho uyakufonela bese ushibilika ngaphandle kwesimo. Awuzange umlahle ngokuphelele umuntu kodwa wena lwalugobile bona. Ukugoba ebudlelwaneni kusebenza ngendlela efanayo, lapho ungaziba ngokuphelele a umbhalo odlala ngothando umuntu uyakuthuma kodwa gcina ingxoxo iqhubeka noma kunjalo. Ngakho-ke akulona unya njengokuthi “cha, vele ume. Ew” kodwa kusabandakanya ukwaliwa.
4. Ukuzungeza
Lena impi yezengqondo ezwakala ngendlela emangalisayo uGen-Z. Yebo, lesi sizukulwane siye savula umnyango emhlabeni wazo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwane besimanje. I-Orbiting yilapho othile ekudlisa khona, kodwa usalokhu elenga ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Ukubuka izindaba zakho noma ukuthanda okuthunyelwe kwakho, i-shebang yonke.
Iyadida lena kodwa incane. Mhlawumbe i sayina bafuna ukuthi ubaqaphele. Zibone ngeso lengqondo utshela abazali bakho ngendlela ozungeza ngayo. Bangase bacabange ukuthi usuhlanya futhi ngakusasa uzobuzwa ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuhlangana nalowo “mfana omuhle owayehlala kwamakhelwane manje osebenza kwa-Google”.
5. I-submaring/zombieing
Cha, lona akuwona umdlalo wevidiyo omusha esikhuluma ngawo. Ngakho-ke ngethemba ukuthi sonke sazi kahle amagama okuthandana afana ne-ghosting futhi uma wazi ukuthi kuyini lokho, kuhle kuwe. I-submaring kanye ne-zombieing kokubili kubhekisela lapho othile oyisipoki evele enquma ukubuyela empilweni yakho, ngaphandle kwencazelo.
Uma kunjalo, dubula i-zombie ekhanda futhi uhlale kude nanoma iyiphi imikhumbi-ngwenya ngoba uma uvumela lo muntu ukuthi angene futhi, uzobe ubheka ubuhlungu obuningi obufanayo okungenzeka ukuthi wakuzwisa bona ngaphambilini.
6. Isizini ye-Cuffing
Lolu hlu lwamagama obudlelwano ngeke luphelele ngaphandle kwalo odumile! Izindlela zokulwa namakhaza: beka phezulu, hlala endlini, ugoqe! Inkathi ye-Cuffing ibhekisela ezinkathini ezibandayo zonyaka lapho uzwa sengathi zonke izinkinga zakho zizoncibilika ngeseshini yokugonana kahle.
Kuyindlela enhle yokugwema ukuntula ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni futhi kufakazelwe ngokwesayensi ukuthi ukwanga kukwenza ujabule kakhudlwana. Ngakho, yebo, empeleni bayazixazulula zonke izinkinga zakho. Kuze kube yilapho iwashi lifika ngo-9 AM, kunjalo. Ngazo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano besimanje namuhla, siyaqiniseka ukuthi ungathola uzakwethu wesizini ye-cuffing kalula.
7. Ukubeka ibhentshi
“Uhlaliswe ebhentshini kulo mdlalo, sikufisela inhlanhla ngokuzayo” – bobabili abasubathi nabathandi bamathemba sebengakwazi ukuhambisana nalo musho. Emagameni nezincazelo zobudlelwano, lena yilona elizohlaba kancane. Ukubeka umuntu ebhentshini (ngokomfanekiso) ukuze umgcinele isikhathi esizayo. “Ngifisa sengathi ngabe sindawonye, kodwa nginothile njengamanje. Mhlawumbe ukube besingashadile, akunjalo?” Cha, cha. Uhlaliswa ebhentshini, thola elinye iqembu ozolidlalela.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini Ukuqomisana Ngebhentshi? Izimpawu Nezindlela Zokukugwema
8. Ukunciphisa
Ukunciphisa kusho ukuthi uma usothandweni kodwa unqume ukuthi kungaba umqondo omuhle ukugcina izinketho ezimbalwa ku-loop, uma kwenzeka ubudlelwano bakho bufadalala. Uyazi ngakho-ke ungakwazi ukuvala ukulimala kwakho ngezingalo zothile ezisonge kuwe ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlukana kwenu. Uma ucabanga ukuthi usetshenziswa omunye umuntu njenge-cushion, ungumuntu owaziwa ngokuthi isithandwa esilindile.
9. Ukufiphala kancane
Ungathanda ukuklebhula i-band-aid noma uyikhumule kancane, okungase kube buhlungu nakakhulu? Amagwala akhetha okokugcina cishe azohamba kancane nawe. Ngakho-ke, lena ngeminye yemibandela yobudlelwano okufanele uyiqaphele ngokucophelela. Ukufiphala kancane kusho ukuhlehla ebuhlotsheni kancane kancane futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuze ukwehlukana kuthiwa kubuhlungu kancane. Uma usibuza, badinga nje ukukhulisa umgogodla futhi basuse leyo bhendi.
10. Ezocansi
I-Allsexual ichazwa kangcono ngokuthi ihluke ngokuphelele kwe-asexuality. Kodwa-ke, kuthiwani ngegama elithi "ucansi", ungase ubuze? "Ucansi" kusho ukuthi uya ocansini. Nakuba i-alsexual isho nje ukuthi ukhangwa othile ngokocansi, ayichazi ukuthi wenzani mayelana nalokho kukhangwa ngokocansi, imuphi umumo wocansi oziqondanisa nawo, noma ukuthi ukhangwa yibuphi ubulili. Kusho nje ukuthi uzizwa ukhangwa ngokocansi.
11. Hey & thandaza - ukuqala ukukhuluma ngemibandela yokuthandana
Ngakho-ke ubabiza ngani, ukuthi baqala kanjani ukukhuluma ngemibandela yokuqomisana noma ukungena kuma-DM abo? Uyazi ukuthi unecala lokucabanga ngokweqile lowo mlayezo wokuqala obaluleke kakhulu ongawuthumela kulowo mdlalo ongatholakali kalula osanda kuwuthola. Uchithe amahora ekugcineni uzama ukucabanga ngezindlela zokuhlekisa, ubuhlakani, noma ngabe yini eyenza umsebenzi wenziwe.
Uma yonke imibono isiphelile, ugcina ngokuthumela "hey!" futhi ethandazela impendulo. Ngokuzayo, vele uthumele noma yini enye dating app ingxoxo isiqalisi. Ungathumeli nje ukuthi “hey”. Kuyinto ngempela eyisicefe kakhulu ukuphendula.
12. Ukudoba amazinyane
Laba ngabantu obabona ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ababukeka bebahle kakhulu ukuthi bangaba yiqiniso ngoba benjalo. Harvard, Stanford, AND Oxford?! Yebo, kulungile genius. Kuwo wonke la magama nezincazelo zobudlelwane, i-Kittenfishing iyakhohlisa ikakhulukazi. Isho umuntu olele kuphrofayela yakhe ukuze abonakale ekhanga kakhulu kunaye. Ngakho-ke, i-gig iphezulu, abafana abangu-5'11. Uma ubhala u-6' kumaphrofayela akho, empeleni udoba owesifazane.
13. Ukudubula ngamabhomu - elinye lamagama obudlelwano bothando abucayi kakhulu
Uthando ngamabhomu yilapho umuntu othandana naye ekuthela ngothando oludlulele kanye nokukuqinisa okuhle kuphela ukuze ube nobuqili futhi akuhlukumeze uma esekubangele ukukhathazeka ngaye. Bangase bakhiqize inguqulo yabo eqondile ukuze bakunqobe futhi bakugqugquzele ngothando, bese bayakuvulela futhi bakukhohlisele ezintweni ongafuni ukuzenza. Kuzo zonke izinhlobo zobudlelwano besimanje, lobu bubuhlungu kakhulu futhi bungelinye lamagama obudlelwano bothando abucayi kakhulu.
14. I-Pansexuality - yezinhlobo ezintsha zobudlelwane besimanje
I-Pansexual umuntu okhangwa yibo bonke ubulili. Indlela ehluke ngayo ku-bi-sexuality ukuthi ubulili obubili busho ukuthi ukhangwa ubulili obubili. I-Pansexual yitemu elamukelekayo nelibonisa ubuntu lapho ungakhangwa khona yinoma ubani, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphi ku-spectrum yocansi. Njengoba uDavid Rose esho ku-Schitt's Creek, "Ngithanda iwayini, hhayi ilebula."
15. Ukuzulazula
Ubamba umlingani wakho wezinyanga ezimbalwa ekukopela, futhi uma ubhekene, bathi bebengazi ukuthi nina nobabili nikhethekile. Lokhu kubuhlungu njengoba ubucabanga ukuthi ukukhethekile kufike njengengxenye nephasela lobudlelwano obubucayi eninabo nobabili. Kungase kuholela ekukhanyeni kwegesi. Njengoba nje ungenza kunoma iyiphi i-roach oyibone endlini yakho, udinga ukuphonsa lo muntu empilweni yakho.
16. Ugibe lokoma - elinye lamagama ajwayelekile okuqomisana ku-inthanethi
Ugibe lokoma isithombe esivusa inkanuko esilayishwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngenhloso yokuyenga abalandeli ngocansi, ngokuvamile ngaphansi kokunye ukuzenzisa. Leso sithombe somngane wakho osibone edla u-ayisikhilimu ogwini lolwandle, egqoke ihembe futhi enweba imisipha yakhe? Yebo, lokho kuwugibe lokoma khona lapho. Ingabe ubudinga ngempela ukushintshanisa yonke imisipha yakho futhi uthole ukukhanya okuphelele kwesithombe sakho no-ayisikhilimu?!
17. Ukukhohlisa okuncane
Izinto ongeke ngempela ukubiza ukukopela, kodwa noma kunjalo into ongathanda ukuthi umlingani wakho angakwenzi. Uma umlingani wakho ephendula lowo muntu ongene kuma-DM akhe ngenhloso yocansi, kungabalwa ngokuthi izimpawu ze-micro-cheating. Lena imigomo yobudlelwano okungenzeka ukuthi akufanele uyikhohlwe.
18. Ukudoba izinhlanzi
I-Wokefishing yilapho othile ezibiza ngokuthi ungumshisekeli wesifazane, isishoshovu samalungelo e-LGBTQ, ukuhambela imibhikisho nokucula isiqubulo esikhululekile kodwa kuvele kuhluke kakhulu. Yebo, amagama anjalo obudlelwano bokuqomisana abalulekile ukwazi ukuze ukwazi ukuhlukanisa inkohliso kumuntu onawe wangempela.
Uma udotshwa, ungase wazi mayelana nemibono yabo yangempela emasontweni ambalwa noma ngisho nezinyanga ngemva kokuhlangana nabo, okuzodala ukuhlukana ngokushesha. Kuyinkinga eyandayo, ngakho qiniseka ukuthi uhlala uyibhekile.
19. Ukunganaki - elinye lamagama amasha nezincazelo zobudlelwano
Ukuncoma okunezandla ezidizayinelwe ukukubeka phansi futhi ufise ukugunyazwa yinoma ubani okuvela kuye. Ukunganaki kungase kuholele nasebudlelwaneni obunobuthi. “Izinwele zakho zibukeka zizinhle. Ngithanda indlela oshintshe ngayo usuka kwisitayela sakho esijwayelekile”, okusho ukuthi ngokuvamile azibukeki zizinhle. Ngiyabonga, kodwa cha ngiyabonga, udinga ukuqhela kulo muntu.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: I-Negging - Ungayibona Kanjani Ekuqomeni Futhi Uhambe
20. Ukudla okulula
Uma othile ethi ufana nokudla okulula, mhlawumbe ukuncoma okuphezulu kakhulu umuntu wakwa-Gen-Z angakunika kona. Kusho ukuthi ubukeka ukhanga ngokwedlulele, noma njengoba uGen-Zer engasho, “on fleek”.
21. Ukucula
Okudume kakhulu njengamanje kuwo wonke amagama nezincazelo zobudlelwano, ukulula. Ukwenza lula kuvame ukusetshenziselwa ukubhekisa emadodeni azokwenza noma yini ukuze athole ukunakwa nothando lowesifazane alulangazelelayo ngokocansi/ngokothando. U-Simps uzoyeka noma yini ayenzayo ukuze athole ukunakwa okuncane kakhulu kowesifazane, ovame ukungabi nandaba nabo kakhulu. Simping kungaba a sayina ukuthi ufuna okungaphezu kobungane.
22. Ukuxhumana ngombhalo
Yini esiyibiza ngokuthi ukukhuluma ngemibandela yokuqomisana kodwa okungakaze kwenzeke kumhlangano? Ubudlelwano bombhalo. Kuyenzeka lapho nina nobabili ningakwazi ukudlula esigabeni sokuthumela imiyalezo futhi izinhlelo zokuhlangana azilokothi ziphumele kunoma yini. Uzobona ama-introverts azabalaza kanzima ukuze aphume kulesi sigaba.
Uma besingakhetha igama elilodwa elichaza ubudlelwano besimanje, kungaba yilo. Ungakhathazeki ukuthi isingeniso siphinde siphume siphushele phezulu, sigqoke amagilavu esibhakela, nesibhakela somoya ihora. Ulungiselela ukushaya ucingo!
23. I-Daterview
Kuyo yonke imigomo ehlukene yobudlelwano, lena kufanele kube intandokazi yami yomuntu siqu. "Ingabe ufuna okuthile okungathi sína? Uyabafuna abantwana? Yini obungayenza ukuze uxazulule umbango we-Israel-Palestine?" Kulungile mhlawumbe akuyona eyokugcina, kodwa uma kubonakala sengathi uku-interview ngaphezu kosuku, ubhekene nalokho okubizwa ngokuthi "i-daterview".
Ungase ubanjwe ungaqaphile ngemibuzo eqinile obungayilindele ngosuku lokuqala. Ukuqhuba i-daterview nakanjani a iphutha losuku lokuqala. Uma ngaphambi kokuthi uqedele ubhasikidi wesinkwa esimnandi, bakubuze ukuthi uzibona kuphi kanye “nobudlelwano” eminyakeni emi-5, phuma.
24. DTR
Incazelo: chaza ubudlelwano. Umlayezo owodwa wanele ukuthumela ama-shockwaves phansi komgogodla wakho uma ucabanga ukuthi izinto azivamile nje phakathi kwenu nobabili. Lena enye yemigomo yobudlelwane nezincazelo okungenzeka ukuthi awuzibheke ngabomvu uma ungakacabangi nhlobo ubudlelwano. Uma uthola umbhalo we-DTR, lungiselela ukuba nenye yalezo zingxoxo ezizokwenza noma ziphule “ubudlelwano” bakho (mhlawumbe faka amagama adidayo obudlelwano obuvulekile engxoxweni ukuze ubabambe bengalindele?).
25. Ukuthumela imiyalezo kancane
Cishe ukuqagele kahle ngegama. Kusho ukuthi uma uthola imibhalo inensa kakhulu ngaphandle kwesizathu esibonakalayo. Bangase babe matasatasa noma ukukhathazeka kwakho kokucabanga ngokweqile kungase kube kulungile futhi uzofiphala kancane (skrolela phezulu uma ungakhumbuli). Uma ubhekana nazo, ungase ubonakale ulangazelele, okungukuthi, ukukhasa. Uma ungenzi lutho, ungase uthole ukufiphala kancane. I-Real Catch 22, lena. Ngikufisela inhlanhla, bekufanele sikutshele mayelana nethemu, singakuniki zonke izimpendulo.
Ngakho, kukhona onakho! Yonke imigomo ebalulekile yobudlelwano odinga ukuyazi. Awusadingi ukwesaba la magama achaza ukuqomisana kwesimanje. Manje phuma lapho futhi uzitholele ukudla okulula ongakuthanda ibhomu ngenkathi ye-cuffing.
Wake wezwa ngoPhubbing? Kungabulala ubudlelwano bakho bothando
Isho ukuthini i-'Fuccboi'? Izimpawu eziyi-12 zokuthi uthandana noyedwa
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
