Ukukhohlisa okuncane: Incazelo, izibonelo, izimpawu, kanye nezindlela zokubhekana nazo

Ukukopela okuncane, njengezinaliti ezincane ezikuhlaba enhliziyweni yakho, kungabangela ubuhlungu kanye nobunzima ebudlelwaneni. Kuwumthambeka oshelelayo ohlanganisa izenzo ezicashile njengokuchophela umuntu ongamazi iso, ukudlala ngothando nezithandwa, noma ukufihla iselula etafuleni lesidlo ngaphandle kwesizathu (kahle, kungase kube nesizathu). Lokhu kuziphatha okubonakala kungenangozi kungakhula, kuholele ezingxabanweni zobudlelwano futhi kwezinye izimo, ukuphela kobudlelwano.

Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu zokuqala zokukhohlisa okuncane nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nazo. Kungase kuqale ngokungenacala ngengxoxo eku-inthanethi, kodwa uma kuyekwa kungavinjelwanga, kungase kuqhume iqhwa kuze kudlule umshado ngaphandle komshado. Ngokungafani nokungathembeki kwendabuko, lapho umyeni elala nomunye wesifazane ngokwesibonelo, lolu hlobo lokukopela ngokomzwelo lunzima ukukubona, okwenza kube nzima kulabo abahilelekile.

Kuyini Ukukopela Okuncane Ebudlelwaneni?

Kuyini ukukopela okuncane ebudlelwaneni? Ucwaningo olwenziwe yi-University of Baguio luthi, “Ukukopela okuncane kuchazwa njengokuziphatha okungasho lutho noma isenzo esincane sokungathembeki. Kuhilela nokusetshenziswa kobuchwepheshe noma i-inthanethi, ikakhulukazi izinkundla zokuxhumana ezifana ne-Facebook, i-Instagram, kanye nezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuthandana eziku-inthanethi (isib. i-Bumble ne-Tinder). Umphumela ukhombisa nokuthi ukukopela okuncane kungaba uphawu oluyisixwayiso sokuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo okungasho lutho kungaholela ekungathembekini okugcwele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukukopela okuncane kungabonakala njengokuwela imingcele yobungani, ukuba nezifiso ezifihliwe noma ezingacacile, nokusebenzisa ubuchwepheshe njengendlela yokuxhumana … (Labo) abacwaningi bakwazi ukwethula ngokukhethekile incazelo yokukopela okuncane okuyizenzo ezisondela emingceleni yobudlelwano esungulwe ngokuhlanganyela .”

Manje, zicabange uphumile ngedethi ethandekayo yesidlo sakusihlwa. Isoka lakho lihlale ligqolozele omunye umuntu ngokumkhanukela, kodwa liyakugwema ukweqa imingcele ethile njengokuqabulana. Lesi isibonelo sokukhohlisa okuncane - umdanso ocashile emgqeni omuhle phakathi kokwethembeka nokungathembeki. Kubandakanya lezo zenzo ezincane ezingase zingabhekwa njengokukopela ngokuphelele kodwa ezingase ziphakamise amashiya.

Kufana nophawu oluyisixwayiso ebudlelwaneni ukuthi omunye umlingani angase angazinikeli njengomnye. Bangase bagcine izinketho zabo zivulekile, zigqugquzelwa isifiso sokuhlola ukuthi yini ekhona. Kufana nokuthi 'cishe' bayakopela, kodwa akunjalo. Nokho, ingasuka kancane kancane esisekelweni sokuthembana, ishiye isikhala sokungabaza nokungazethembi ebuhlotsheni.

Umsebenzisi weReddit uchaza le ncazelo yokukhohlisa okuncane, “Ake sithi usebudlelwaneni no-A. Nithandana iminyaka eminingi, nisebudlelwaneni bangempela. Niphuma nabangani bese othile eza kini, ogama lakhe lingu-B. Wena no-B niyaxoxa, nixoxa ubusuku bonke bese nishintshana ngezinombolo. Anizange nixabane, anizange nixhumane kodwa nina bafana nihlala nixhumana. Thumela imiyalezo njalo ekuseni, usuku lonke, njll. Niphinde nifihle lokhu “noma yini” okusha ku-A. Kufana nendlela ye-inthanethi yokusho ukukopela ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokuthintana ngokomzimba.”

Omunye umsebenzisi uthi, “Ukukopela akuvamile ukuba yisenzo esisodwa. Ngokuvamile, kunezinyathelo ezincane eziqhubekela phambili emcimbini wokukopela. Uma usuthathe lezi zinyathelo kodwa ungakadluli umkhawulo walokho okubheka njengokukopela ngempela (ukuxhumana ngokomzimba noma ukusondelana ngokomzwelo), khona-ke kuwela kule ncazelo. Yimingcele okungafanele idlule ngaphandle kokuqaphela ukuthi lokhu kungasiza ekuqhubekeleni phambili ekukopeleni.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umthetho Wezinsuku Ezi-3 Ngemva Kwempikiswano – Incazelo, Indlela Nokuthi Kufanele Ufake Isicelo Nini, Izinzuzo Nobubi

Micro-cheating Izibonelo

Njengoba sishilo ekuqaleni, ngokungafani nokukopela okusobala, ukukopela okuncane akulula ukukubona ngaso sonke isikhathi. Lezi zenzo ezincane kodwa ezibalulekile zingabandakanya ubudlelwano bokudlala ngothando, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nomuntu ongaphandle kobudlelwane, noma ukugcina ukuxhumana okuthile kufihliwe kumlingani.

Ukuze sicacise ngale ndlela eshelelayo, nazi ezinye izibonelo zokukhohlisa okuncane okungadala ubudlelwano obungenampilo :

• Ufihla i-ex yakho noma umngane oseduze: Ugcina izingxoxo eziyimfihlo no-ex wakho noma umngane oseduze ngaphandle kokutshela umlingani wakho ngakho. Ungase futhi uhlangane nabo njalo
• Udlala ngothando ku-inthanethi nabantu ongabazi: Izibonelo zokuthumela imiyalezo ngokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo noma izimpawu azikhohlisayo zingase zihlanganise izingxoxo zothando nabantu abangabazi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ukuthanda nokubeka amazwana kokuthunyelwe kwabo ngendlela edlula ukuxhumana okunobungane.
• Usondelene kakhulu ngokomzwelo nomuntu: Wabelana ngemininingwane ejulile nemizwa yomuntu siqu nothile, udala ithuba lokukopela ngokomzwelo
• Uqamba amanga ngokusebenzisana kwakho: Ugcina othintana nabo ngamagama mbumbulu (isibonelo, owayeyinkosikazi yakho uSandra ngokusobala uyipulambi elikushayela njalo ebusuku?). Kuyingozi uma umlingani eqamba amanga komunye mayelana nokuxhumana kwabo nabantu abathile
• Uswayipha ezinhlelweni zokusebenza zokuthandana: Naphezu kokuba sebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele bokushada nomuntu oyedwa, uyasebenza ezinhlelweni zokusebenza zokuphola. Uma uswayipha futhi uxoxa nabanye kumawebhusayithi okuqomisana futhi umlingani wakho akazi ngakho, kungesinye sezibonelo ezisobala zokuthumelelana imiyalezo nge-micro-cheating.
• Wenzela othile imizamo eyengeziwe: Uphuma endleleni yakho futhi weqe umugqa ukuze ujabulise umngane, ikakhulukazi ngenkathi ugcina izimfihlo kumlingani wakho
• Udalula imininingwane eyimfihlo yobudlelwano bakho: Uphendukela kothile ukuze uthole ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kweqembu elalabelane ngalo noma abangani bakudala ukuze nixoxe ngezindaba zobudlelwano obuyimfihlo. Kwezinye izimo, uthintana no-ex wakho ukuze uthole induduzo ngezikhathi ezinzima ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje
• Iphrofayela yakho iyakhohlisa: Unesithombe sephrofayili esenza abantu bazizwe bephephile ukwamukela izicelo zobungane ezivela kuwe futhi futhi abawutholi umqondo wokuthi use ubudlelwano obuzibophezele
• Udlala ngothando emaphathini: Udlala ngothando nabantu abahlukene bese weqa umngcele, mhlawumbe noma ngabe umlingani wakho ekhona, futhi lokhu akubonakali njengokudlala
• Ulingeka kalula: Uma uthola abanye bekhanga ebudlelwaneni, ufuna isithombe ozishuthe sona nabo noma ufise ukuhlangana nabo kamuva. Lokhu kwenzeka kaningi futhi ugcina ngokuthatha imininingwane yabo yokuxhumana uhlele ukuhlangana (funda: idethi “enobungane”)
• Wabelana ngamahlaya ayimfihlo: Unamahlaya angaphakathi nomunye umuntu, ikakhulukazi amahlaya okudlala ngothando, umlingani wakho angawazi. Lesi sibopho esiyingqayizivele esingokomzwelo sithuthukisa umuzwa wokusondelana ngokobulili
• Ufihla ubudlelwano bakho emhlabeni: Ugwema ukusho umlingani wakho noma isimo sobudlelwano ezindaweni ezithile zokuxhumana noma nabantu abathile, futhi kwesinye isikhathi ngisho nakwabathandekayo bakho, okukhombisa isifiso sokuvela ungashadile futhi, vele, ulungele ukuhlangana.
• Ugcina izinhlelo zokusebenza zokulayeza eziyimfihlo ezindabeni ze-inthanethi: Izimpawu azikhohlisayo zingase zibandakanye ukusetshenziswa okufihliwe kwazo izinhlelo zokusebenza zemiyalezo yangasese zabashadile zokuxoxa ngasese
• Uzivikela ngokweqile ngobungane: Uzivikela noma ugweme lapho umlingani wakho ebuza ubudlelwano bakho nomuntu othile
• Uphupha ngomuntu Njalo: Uhlala uphupha ngokuba nomunye umuntu ngezothando noma ngokusondelana. Ungase uchithe isikhathi udlala futhi izinto ezidlule zothando nama-ex akho engqondweni yakho
• Uthumela imilayezo yasebusuku kothile: Uhlanganyela ekudlaleni ngothando ngezingxoxo zasebusuku nothile ongaphandle kobudlelwane bakho
• Uqhathanisa umlingani wakho: Wenza ukuqhathanisa phakathi komlingani wakho nabanye, noma ngabe ukubukeka kwabo, impumelelo, noma izici zobuntu. Lokhu kungenza umlingani wakho azizwe engafaneleki, ahlupheke ukuzethemba okuphansi ebudlelwaneni, futhi ubonise ukuthi ufisa omunye umuntu
• Ukuba nentshisekelo eyeqile empilweni yabangani bakho abangabodwa: Unelukuluku elidlulele mayelana nezimpilo zokuphola zabangane bakho abangabodwa, ubonisa isifiso sokuzizwisa kwezothando
• Ulandela umuntu ku-inthanethi: Uchitha isikhathi ngokugada ukuqapha imisebenzi eku-inthanethi yomuntu ombona ekhanga ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Uyawuphika umthelela wezenzo zakho: Uchitha ukuziphatha kwakho kokukopela okuncane njengokuzijabulisa okungenangozi, zama ukukuthethelela futhi ululaze ukubaluleka kwakho, wenqaba ukuvuma umthelela wako ebuhlotsheni nempilo yengqondo yomlingani wakho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Ezi-7 Zabakopelayo - Nesizathu Sokuba Bakopela

Izimpawu Zokukopela Kancane Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuqonda izimpawu zokukopela okuncane ebudlelwaneni kungaba usizo olukhulu ekwelapheni isibopho owabelana ngaso nophathina wakho kanye nokuphepha kwakho ngokomzwelo. Ukukopela okuncane kuhilela izenzo ezicashile nokuziphatha okuthi, uma kunganakwa, kungaholela ezindabeni ezibalulekile zokwethembana, ukuhlukana, kanye nezehlukaniso. Ukubona lezi zimpawu kusenesikhathi kukuvumela ukuthi ubhekane nanoma yiziphi izinkinga ezingase zibe khona, ubeke imingcele ecacile, uqinise ukwethembana, futhi uthathe izinqumo ezidingekayo. Nazi izimpawu eziyi-7 ezijwayelekile zokukopela okuncane:

1. Bavikela ifoni yabo ngokusolisayo

Uke waphawula okuthile okungathandeki ngemikhuba yocingo yomlingani wakho? Uma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi kukhona okwenzekayo ngoba yile ndlela abantu abakhohlisayo abafihla ngayo umkhondo wabo . Yebo, umlingani wakho angase athole abanye bekhanga ebudlelwaneni futhi azitika ngokuziphatha kokukhohlisa okuncane. Ngakho-ke nansi izibonelo ezimbalwa zokuthumela imiyalezo yokukhohlisa okuncane okufanele uziqaphele lapho umyeni wakho efihla amafoni:

• Uma ublomile nomunye wakho obalulekile, amehlo abo anamathele ocingweni lwabo sengathi yi-BFF yabo entsha. Bangakwazi ukuyibeka phansi, ngisho nomzuzwana nje
• Futhi akugcini lapho - Baphatha ifoni yabo yonke indawo, ngisho nasendlini yokugezela! Kufana nokuthi baqapha imfihlo eyigugu, futhi usala uzizwa unezinsolo
• Bahlwitha ifoni yabo noma bafihle isikrini noma nini lapho kuvela isaziso

2. Balandela i-ex yabo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana (futhi kuningi endabeni)

Ziyini izimpawu zokukhohlisa okuncane? Umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthi, “Mina nesoka lami (m26) (f23) sesibe ndawonye cishe unyaka manje. Ngithole ukuthi ubelokhu efuna futhi ebheka kakhulu owayeyintombi yakhe kanye namanye amantombazane ku-Google nakuwo wonke amanethiwekhi okuxhumana nabantu, cishe nsuku zonke. Ikakhulukazi intombi yakhe yangaphambili. Lokhu kungenza ngingakhululeki futhi ngikhathazeke kakhulu ngobuhlobo bethu. Ungitshela ukuthi uyangithanda futhi ngokuvamile unothando olukhulu futhi uvame ukukhuluma ngokuthi sihlala ndawonye futhi sibe nekusasa ndawonye kodwa sengilahlekelwe ukumethemba ngenxa yalokhu, ngakho-ke ngiyangabaza konke akushoyo.

“Wahlukana nowayekade eshade naye eminyakeni embalwa edlule ngenxa nje yokuthi baqala ukuthandana futhi bahlukana futhi base bendawonye iminyaka engaba yisithupha, ngakho kwaba ukuhlukana “kuhle” ngokusho kwakhe. Ngiyakuqonda ukuthi ngifuna ukwazi nokubheka umuntu owake wathandana naye izikhathi eziningi kodwa lokhu kuwukuziphatha kwakhe njalo. Nginomuzwa wokuthi anginele ngaye nokuthi akenelisi ebudlelwaneni bethu. Ngiyazi ukuthi kufanele ngibhekane kanjani nalokhu noma yini okufanele ngiyicabangele.”

Impela, ukuqondana nokuba nobudlelwano obuhle nabantu ababethandana nabo kungenye into, kodwa uma umlingani wakho efihla ukuxhumana kwabo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kuwe, sekuyisikhathi sokuqapha. Nakuba abanye bengase bangakholelwa ekuvimbeleni abantu ababethandana nabo, kuba indaba ehluke ngokuphelele lapho umlingani wakho ebonakala etshale imali eningi empilweni yobudlelwano bomuntu owayethandana nabo. Lolu hlobo lokukhohlisana ezinkundleni zokuxhumana luyinto yangempela futhi lungalimaza ubudlelwano. Nazi izimpawu ezibomvu okufanele uziqaphele :

• Umlingani wakho uhlale ebheka izibuyekezo zempilo yalowo owayeshade naye - Amaholide, izithombe ozishuthe zona, impilo yokuthandana
• Bashiya ulovey-dovey ezithombeni zabo engathi abakashadi
• Umlingani wakho ubonisa ukusabela okungokomzwelo okuphakeme, okunjengomona noma intukuthelo, lapho owayekade ekhona ethumela okuthile ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngedethi engaba khona. Lokhu kungase kubonise imizwa ehlala isikhathi eside noma izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe phakathi kwabo
• Bahlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezivamile ne-ex yabo futhi bazama ukukufihlela lokho ngokususa imilayezo noma basebenzise izinhlelo zokusebenza zemiyalezo ebethelwe ukuze bagcine ukuxhumana kwabo kuyimfihlo.

3. Baletha umlingani wabo wangaphambili kuzo zonke izingxoxo

Uma umlingani wakho eveza ex yakhe ezingxoxweni ngaphezu kwalokho okubonakala kuyinto evamile, kungadala ukungabaza engqondweni yakho. Nakuba ukuhlala umngane nomuntu owayethandana naye kuhle kakhulu ezimweni eziningi, ukwazi yonke imininingwane ejulile ngemva kwezinyanga zokuhlukana kungaba imbangela yokukhathazeka. Kubalulekile ukuba nengxoxo eqotho uma ukuziphatha kozakwenu kubonakala kuxhumene kakhulu nokwedlule kwakhe. Qaphela lolu phawu njengoba kungase kube uhlobo olucashile lokukopela okuncane.

4. Amaphrofayili abo kuzinhlelo zokusebenza zokuthandana asekhona

“Ukuhlola ukuthi yini ekhona laphaya” kumasayithi okuqomisana akuyona ingozi. Umsebenzisi we-Reddit uthi, “Angikaze ngisole ukuthi umlingani wami uzongikhohlisa, wayehlala engiqinisekisa, engithanda, futhi enginakekela. Wazama, wahlela imicimbi emikhulu yezinsuku ezikhethekile (usuku lokuzalwa, usuku lokugubha usuku lokuzalwa, uKhisimusi). AKAZE angenze ngizizwe nginganakiwe. Ingxenye exakile kakhulu? Sindawonye nsuku zonke. Empeleni kuyiphutha ukuthi umzala wami wangitshela ngohlelo lokusebenza olukuvumela ukuthi uhlole ukuthi umlingani wakho uku-Tinder noma cha – Ubambe i-gf yakhe lapho, futhi NGIHLEKA ngalusebenzisa futhi ngingalindele ukuthola umlingani wami lapho.”

Uyanezela, “Nokho, ngakwenza futhi lapho ngimbhekana naye, izaba zakhe kwakuwukuthi wonke amadoda aya lapha nalaphaya ukuze aphequlule nje, kodwa akakaze akhulume namuntu futhi wayengenasithakazelo sokwenza kanjalo. Ngilahlekile kakhulu phakathi kokuvumela lokhu kudlule noma ukuqeda ubudlelwano njengoba ebelokhu emangalisa kimi nasebudlelwaneni, futhi lokhu kube ukuphela kwenkinga yethu. Kodwa-ke ngiyazibuza ukuthi ngabe umehluko wenani njengoba bengingeke ngiphequlule nje ukuze ngizijabulise.”

Nokho, abantu ngokuvamile “abamane baphequlule ukuze bajabule” kumawebhusayithi okuqomisana kuyilapho besebuhlotsheni obujabulisayo nobuzibophezele. Kodwa-ke, uma uthola ukuthi iphrofayili yokuqomisana yomlingani wakho isasebenza, kungaba ukuziphatha okungafanele noma esinye sezimpawu zokuqala zokukopela ebuhlotsheni. Kusikisela ukuthi basengavulelwa ukuxhumana okusha ngokomzwelo, futhi ubudlelwano bakho bungahle bungabi namandla njengoba ubucabanga.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini Ukukhohlisa Okuziphindiselela? Izinto Ezi-7 Okufanele Uzazi

5. Bazokwenza noma yini ukugwema ukuya emicimbini yokuzijabulisa nawe

Ukuhambela imicimbi njengombhangqwana kuyingxenye yemvelo yobudlelwano obuningi. Uma uqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho uhlale efuna ukuba khona yedwa, kungase kuphakamise ukukhathazeka okuthile. Nakuba kunezizathu zangempela zokuzikhipha uwedwa, qaphela uma behlala benqaba inkampani yakho ngezaba ezingabazisayo njengokuthi “Kuyiphathi eyisicefe” noma “Ngizoba lapho imizuzu engu-15 kuphela.” Bangase bathembe ukuhlangana nomuntu othize futhi bakugcine kufihliwe kuwe.

Uma bephikelela ekuhambeni bodwa ngisho nangemva kokuba uveze intshisekelo yokubajoyina, kungase kube khona okusolisayo okwenzekayo. Akuqiniseki ukuthi bazama ukuheha omunye umuntu, kodwa isidingo sokufihla sibonisa isifiso sokuthandana noma ukuhlola ezinye izixhumanisi ngokomzwelo . Lokhu kungaba uphawu olubonakalayo lokukhohlisa okuncane ebudlelwaneni.

6. Bahlale bemoyizela ocingweni lwabo - Futhi cha, akuyona i-dog meme

Yiziphi izimpawu ze-micro-cheating? Lapho umlingani wakho ehlala emoyizela ocingweni lwakhe ngendlela eyimfihlo, kungase kube kuhle ukunaka. Umlayezo omuhle noma odlala ngothando kungaba isizathu saleyo njabulo. Linda izikhathi ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokubuza ukuthi bamomotheka ngani ukuze uqonde isimo. Uma bekukhombisa umbhalo noma isithombe, cishe akukho okumele ukhathazeke ngakho. Nokho, uma bephendula ngokuphindaphindiwe “ngelutho” futhi bebonakala bengabaza ukwabelana, kungase kube uphawu lokukopela okuncane ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.

U-Olivia (29) waseMiami uthi, “Izimo zokukopela zingahluka kakhulu, futhi ukukopela akuhlali obala njengoba kubonakala.Isibonelo, kuyini ukudlala ngothando?Kuhilela ukusebenzelana okucashile okungase kungaweqi umugqa ekukopeleni ngokomzimba.Kodwa ingabe ukufuna ukunakwa kwabanye ngenkathi usothandweni kuyakopela futhi?Into iwukuthi, ngokusho komngane wami wesikhathi esidlule, ukukopela nokuthandana kuyaqala. babonakala bemamatheka njalo emafonini abo kuyilapho bethola ukunakwa okukhethekile okuvela komunye umuntu.

7. Bayazivikela futhi bazame ukukukhanyisela uma uveza ukuziphatha kwabo kokukopela okuncane

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezibaluleke kakhulu zokukhohlisa okuncane ukuzizwa unomuzwa. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo , kufanele kube nokukhulumisana okuvulekile phakathi kwabalingani, ikakhulukazi uma kukhona okukhathazayo ngokuphindaphindiwe komunye wabo. Ngakho-ke lapho ukuziphatha komlingani wakho kuhlala kukukhathaza ngemuva kwengqondo yakho, kungokwemvelo ukukukhuluma. Umlingani wangempela, ongeyena onephutha, uzovulekela ukuhlala phansi nokuxoxa ngezinto ezikukhathazayo, efuna ukuqonda nokucacisa noma yikuphi ukusola. Kodwa-ke, uma ubona ushintsho emandleni nasekuziphatheni kwakhe, kanye nomuzwa wecala noma ukungabaza, kungaba uphawu lokungathembeki ebudlelwaneni.

Phakathi nale ngxoxo noma ukubhekana, umlingani wakho angase azivikele ngokweqile futhi athukuthele. Ukuze wenze imizwa yakho ingasebenzi futhi ikwenze ungabaze intuition yakho, bangasebenzisa izitatimende ze-gaslighting ezifana nalezi:

• “Uyahlanya nje, akukho okwenzekayo.”
• “Kungani uhlale uzama ukuthola izinkinga lapho zingekho khona?”
• “Angikholwa ukuthi wenza into enkulu kangaka ngokungenzi lutho.”
• "Angikhohlisi izinto ezincane. Wena nje uzwela kakhulu futhi usabela ngokweqile."
• "Kumele ungazethembi ngisho nokucabanga ukuthi ngingenza into efana naleyo."
• “Konke kusekhanda lakho, akukho okubi engikwenzile.”
• “Uzama ukuqala impi ngaphandle kwesizathu.
• “Uzama ukungilawula ngokuveza lezi zinsolo ezingenasisekelo.”
• “Yeka ukuba nomona nokungisola ngokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo, akukhangi.”
• "Uqamba lezi zindaba zokukopela ukuze udale idrama ebudlelwaneni bethu."

Indlela Yokubhekana Ne-Micro-cheating

Ukubhekana nokukhohlisa okuncane ebudlelwaneni kungaba yinqubo eyinselele futhi ekhathazayo ngokomzwelo. Kubalulekile ukubhekana nalesi sihloko esibucayi ngozwela nangokukhulumisana okuvulekile. Ngokubhekana nale nkinga ngqo kanye nokusebenzisana, kungaba lula ukubhekana nalesi simo. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokubhekana nokukhohlisa okuncane nokuqinisa ubudlelwano bakho (futhi yebo, uma kudingeka, yiba nesibindi futhi wenze leso sinqumo obesisaba):

1. Thola ukuthi yini ekukhathazayo kwasekuqaleni

Ngaphambi kokuthi ungene kuleyo ngxoxo yenhliziyo-to-inhliziyo mayelana nokukopela okuncane nozakwenu, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi uthole ukuthi yini ekukhathazayo. Ngezibonelo eziningi kangaka zokukopela okuncane okuntanta ku-inthanethi, kulula ukuthonywa nokucabanga ngokweqile ngezinto ngaphandle kwesizathu esiqinile. Isibonelo, umlingani wakho angase ajabulele ukuskrola ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngenkathi ephuza ikhofi lakhe lasekuseni, futhi lokho kuvamile. Kodwa kungazelelwe, ungase uqale ukukubona njengophawu lokukopela okuncane emishadweni. Ukuze ugweme ukukhathazeka nokusola okungadingekile, nazi izinyathelo zokuqala okufanele uzilandele:

• Thatha isikhashana ucabange ngezinguquko zokuziphatha ozibonile ezihlobene nokukopela okuncane
• Zibuze ukuthi kungani lokhu kuziphatha kukukhathaza nokuthi kungamafulegi abomvu angempela. Kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa ukukhathazeka kwangempela nokungazethembi
• Ngaphambi kokuba uxoxe ngendaba nomlingani wakho, qiniseka ukuthi akuyona imizwa yakho noma ukuchema okudlalwayo esikhundleni sezenzo zabo. Ngale ndlela, uzoba nombono ocacile lapho uxoxa ngalolu daba futhi ungasebenzela ekutholeni isixazululo esikhiqiza kakhudlwana

2. Iba nengxoxo eqotho ngemizwa yakho

Uma izenzo zomlingani wakho zingahlosile, kunethuba elingcono lokulungisa izinto. Thatha ujuxuze utshele umlingani wakho ngezimpawu obuzibhekile nokuthi bezikukhathaza ngokujule kangakanani. Bangase bangawuboni ngisho umthelela wezenzo zabo noma ukuthi kuthathwa njengokukhohlisa okuncane. Esimweni esinjalo, umlingani onengqondo uzo:

• Qonda ubunzima besimo
• Zimisele ukwenza izinguquko ukuze umise ukukopela okuncane
• Yazisa ubudlelwano bakho ngaphezu kokuxhumana okungasho lutho nabantu ongabazi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
• Hlonipha imizwa yakho
• Zama ukwelashwa kwezithandani noma uxhumane nochwepheshe bobudlelwano obuchwepheshile

USophia (36) waseColorado uyachaza, “Ngake ngazithola ngibanjwe othandweni olungokomzwelo nesoka lami langaphambili, futhi uma ngicabanga, ukwephulwa kwemithetho emincane kwadlala indima ebalulekile. Ngaze ngamukela ne-micro-cheating psychology - ngazitshela ukuthi ukususa imiyalezo kuwumzamo nje wokususa imfucuza efonini yami. Kodwa-ke, kwafihla ukuqomisana kwethu okungahlosiwe kanye nengxoxo yokuthumela imiyalezo yocansi eyavela kancane kancane. Ngisho nezinto ezibonakala zingenangozi njengokushintshana kwe-Snapchat okuthandanayo azizange zizwakale zingixwayisa. Ngolunye usuku, ngazithola ngizibuza, “Ingabe ukuqomisana okuncane kuyathethelelwa?” Uma ngibheka emuva, ngizizwa sengathi ngiqomisile kodwa angizange ngizitike ngokuqomisana kwangempela ezingeni lokusondelana ngokomzimba. Mhlawumbe kwakuwukuqomisana okuthambile njengoba abantu bekubiza kanjalo, kodwa noma ngabe kwakuyini, nganquma ukwethembeka nesoka lami futhi ngihlole izidingo zami ezingokomzwelo.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukucaca Ebudlelwaneni: Incazelo, Indlela Yokubonisa kanye Namathiphu Ayimfihlo

3. Xoxani ngokuthi ukukopela okuncane kusho ukuthini kuwena

Ukukopela okuncane kungasho izinto ezahlukene kubantu abahlukene. Isibonelo, ukuncoma okungenangozi okuvela kumlingani wakho kuya komunye kungase kubonakale njengokukhohlisa okuncane ngumuntu oyedwa, kuyilapho omunye umuntu engase anganaki nhlobo. Ukuqonda lo mehluko nokuhlukanisa phakathi kwezimpawu zokukopela nokukhohlisa okuncane kubalulekile.

Ngakho-ke, zinike isikhathi sokuhlala phansi nomlingani wakho nixoxe ngokuthi kusho ukuthini ukukopela okuncane kini nobabili. Yabelana ngemicabango nemizwa yakho ngokukhululekile, futhi ukhuthaze umlingani wakho ukuba enze okufanayo. Le ngxoxo izosiza ukusungula imingcele ecacile nokulindelweyo, iqinisekise ukuthi nobabili nisekhasini elifanayo ukuya phambili. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukugwema izincomo zothando noma ukuhlonipha amazinga okunethezeka komunye nomunye, ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebaluleke njengokukhohlisa okuncane kuwe njengombhangqwana kubalulekile ebuhlotsheni obuqinile nobuthembana.

Yiziphi ezinye izibonelo zokukhohlisa okuncane? UDavid (27) waseWashington uyaxoxa, “Izinto ezibhekwa njengokukhohlisa zingasukela ekuxhumaneni ngokomzwelo kuya ezenzweni zomzimba. Isibonelo, izimpawu zokukhohlisa ku-Instagram zingase zihlanganise ukuthandana okuyimfihlo kanye nokuphawula. Ukuthumelelana imiyalezo nabanye abafana ngothando ngesikhathi nisebudlelwaneni kungaba uhlobo lokukhohlisa okuncane, noma ake sithi, ukuhlela ukuhlangana ngasese namantombazane owathola ekhanga ku-inthanethi. Kuyindaba engaqondakali, ngiyavuma, kodwa lezi zenzo ezibonakala zincane zingaba nemiphumela emikhulu. Manje, ingabe ukukhohlisa okuncane kuyathethelelwa? Lokho kuncike ezindinganisweni zombhangqwana kanye nokuzimisela kwawo ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana. Nginomuzwa wokuthi yingakho kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngalezi zinto ekuqaleni kobudlelwano.”

4. Bhekana nezithiyo, futhi yebo, nezindawo zokuqomisana

Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi ukuntuleka kokuthembana ebudlelwaneni kungaholela ekungazinzini ngokomzwelo, ezingxabanweni, ngisho nethuba lokuhlukana. Abantu abangakwazi ukuthemba abalingani babo (isibonelo, ezimweni zokukhohlisana okuncane) banamathuba amaningi okubheka omakhalekhukhwini babalingani babo, okwenza izinkinga zokuthembana zibe zimbi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni.

Ngakho-ke, esikhundleni sokuthatha le ndlela, yiba nengxoxo eqotho ngalawo amaphrofayli wokuphola ahlala ocingweni lomlingani wakho. Vumela umlingani wakho aqonde ukuthi ukusebenzelana kwakhe kwansuku zonke nabantu bakudala kukuphatha kanjani. Bese niqhamuka nezixazululo ndawonye. Ngenkathi wenza lokhu, kubalulekile ukulinganisa phakathi kwe-ridance nokulawula. Ungakwazi ukuqeda lezi zimbangela ezincane ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokulawula umlingani wakho. Ngakho-ke nikeza umlingani wakho isikhala asidingayo ngenkathi uqinisekisa ukuxhumana okuvulekile njengoba nobabili nizama ukuqonda i-micro-cheating psychology.

5. Beka imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo

Uzibuza ukuthi ungayeka kanjani ukukhohlisa okuncane emishadweni? Kubalulekile ukuba nesimo esifanayo futhi ube nezingxoxo ezivulekile mayelana nokuthi yikuphi ukuziphatha okwamukelekayo nokungamukeleki, ukhumbula izidingo zomlingani ngamunye. Kodwa ungakhohlwa ukuzibekela imingcele. Uma ungafuni ukuthi umlingani wakho ancome othile ngothando, qiniseka ukuthi nawe uyakugwema ukwenza okufanayo uma uhlangana nesithombe esikhangayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Ukubeka imingcele enjalo enempilo kubalulekile ukuvikela ubudlelwano bakho ekukopeleni okuncane. Nazi izibonelo ezimbalwa zemingcele ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela noma ukukopela okuncane ongazibeka kuye ngesimo sakho:

• Ungashintshisani ngemiyalezo yothando nabanye
• Gwema imfihlo eyeqile mayelana nokusebenzisana kwe-inthanethi noma ukusetshenziswa kwefoni
• Khawulela ukuxhumana nozakwethu bakudala ezingxoxweni ezidingekayo kuphela
• Vuma ukungasebenzisi amasayithi okuphola ngenkathi usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele
• Yiba obala mayelana nomsebenzi wenkundla yezokuxhumana, ofaka ukuthanda, ukuphawula, nokulandelayo
• Akukho ukufihla noma ukulondoloza abathintwayo ngamagama mbumbulu ukuze kufihlwe ukuxhumana nabanye
• Khawulela ukusebenzelana nabantu abanentshisekelo ejulile yothando kunoma yimuphi umlingani
• Gwema ukuqhathanisa ozakwethu bamanje nobudlelwano obudlule

6. Yakhani kabusha ukwethembana ndawonye

Ukuba neshende ngaphandle komshado lapho ulele nomunye umuntu akuyona kuphela into engalimaza umaqondana. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukukopela okuncane kungase kuzwakale kuyinto encane, kodwa kungathatha isikhathi eside ukupholisa amanxeba futhi kwakhiwe ukwethembana futhi. Nazi ezinye izindlela ezikhethekile zokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngemva kokukopela noma ukukopela okuncane:

• Hlela ukubaleka ngempelasonto noma idethi ongalindelekile kuyo bavuselele uthando ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside futhi uqinise isibopho sakho esingokomzwelo
• Dala ibhodi lemibono eyabiwe yesikhathi esizayo, echaza imigomo yobudlelwano nezifiso ndawonye
• Thatha ikhefu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana isikhathi esinqunyiwe, ugxile ekwakheni ukwethembana nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo ungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi
• Zama ukwelapha kwabashadikazi noma ukwelulekwa nge-inthanethi, khuluma nochwepheshe bezobudlelwano, futhi nihambele izinkundla zokucobelelana ngolwazi noma izingqungquthela ndawonye ukuze nifunde ukwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela.

7. Yazi ukuthi kufanele uyidedele nini

Ukwazi ukuthi kufanele ukhululeke nini kungaba nzima, ikakhulukazi lapho ubhekene nokukhohlisa okuncane. Nakuba kungase kungabonakali kukhulu njengokukhohlisa ngokomzimba, umthelela ongokomzwelo ungaba buhlungu ngendlela efanayo. Akufanele kuthathwe njengento engabalulekile ngoba lokhu kwephulwa okuncane kokwethembana kungakhula kube izinkinga ezinkulu zobudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Ukuba nezingxoxo ezivulekile mayelana nemizwa yakho nokubeka imingcele kubalulekile, kodwa uma umlingani wakho engazinaki ngokuphindaphindiwe, kungatshala imbewu yokungathembani nokucasuka. Uma uzithola ubambekile ephethinini lapho umlingani wakho exolisa kodwa eqhubeka nezenzo ezifanayo, ezifihla kangcono isikhathi ngasinye, kuba nokuntuleka kokuzibophezela ekushintsheni. Ngakho-ke, uma uzwakalise ukukhathazeka kwakho futhi ziphikelela, cabanga ukuhlola kabusha ubudlelwano.

Ukuhlala ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi obunjalo kungaholela ebuhlungwini obuningi. Yiba nokholo ku-intuition yakho futhi ube nomusa kuwe ngokudedela uma kudingeka. Esikhundleni sokukhala njalo ebusuku ngomlingani wakho okukopela kancane, khumbula ukuthi ufanelwe ubudlelwano lapho bobabili abalingani bezibophezele ekuhloniphaneni nasekuphepheni ngokomzwelo.

Nakuba kungase kungabi nesisindo esifanayo nokungathembeki kwendabuko, ukukhohlisa okuncane kungaba nomthelela omkhulu, kuqede ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni . Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubhekene nalezo zinhlungu ezincane noma uzibangela zona, ingqikithi ilele ekukhuliseni ukuqonda, uzwela, kanye nenhlonipho phakathi kwabalingani bobabili behamba ngokulinganisela okubucayi phakathi kwalokho okwamukelekayo nokungamukeleki.

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngo-Agasti 2023.

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