Ukusinda Endabeni - Izinyathelo Eziyi-12 Zokubuyisela Uthando Nokwethemba Emshadweni

Ukuhileleka komshado okwengeziwe kubulala ubuhlobo. Kususa isici esibaluleke kakhulu somshado, okungukuthi ukwethemba. Kungaba wukungathembeki ngokomzwelo noma ukuthandana ngokomzimba noma ukuphapha nje okwathatha izinyanga ezimbalwa, kodwa ngemva kwalokho konke emshadweni kuyahamba. i-topsy turvy. Uzakwethu usala elwa nokukhashelwa ngemuva kokujola. Ngaleso sikhathi ukusinda esothandweni nokubuyisela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kuba yizinto okunzima kakhulu ukuzifeza.

Ungakwazi yini ukusinda othandweni? Yebo ungakwenza kodwa ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana kuwumsebenzi onzima. Awudingi nje kuphela ukusiza owakwakho ukuthi alulame ekukhapheleni kwakho, udinga ukwenza umphefumulo omningi ukufuna ukungathembeki. Kunezigaba zokubhekana nokungathembeki futhi ukudlula kulezo zigaba kungaba buhlungu.

Uma ubona ukungamethembi emehlweni ophathina wakho ngemva kocingo ngalunye olutholayo, wonke umbhalo omamatheka kuwo noma uphuze ukufika ekhaya imizuzu engu-20, kungase kukwenze uzizwe kabi. Kodwa ukuze usinde ekuqomeni futhi ubuyisele ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kufanele udlule ezigabeni bese uwena kuphela ongabuyisela isimo esijwayelekile ebudlelwaneni.

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Kunzima ukusho kahle ukuthi yimaphi amaphesenti emishado asinda ekuqomeni. Cishe kulula ukusho ukuthi bangaki abahamba ngesehlukaniso.

Uma umshado uzosinda ukukopela noma cha kuncike kakhulu emasikweni nasekusungulweni komphakathi kwezwe. E-US, i-Institute of Family studies yenza inhlolovo enesihloko esithi: Who Cheats More? I-Demographics of Infidelity in America phakathi kwabaphenduli abangu-441 lapho amadoda angu-20% ashadile kanye nabesifazane abangu-13% abashadile bavuma ukuthi bayakopela. ¹.

Amaphesenti ahlukana ngokushesha ngemva kokukopela ayengama-54.5%. Ngakho izibalo zesehlukaniso ngemva kokungathembeki zingaphezu kuka-50%. Bangu-15% kuphela imibhangqwana eyasinda othandweni futhi yaqhubeka nomshado.

Isimo sihlukile eNdiya nokho. Ngokocwaningo² olwenziwa yiGleeden App yabantu abashadile kwacaca ukuthi u-77% wabesifazane baseNdiya bayakopela ngenxa yempilo yabo yomshado eyisicefe. Kodwa izinga lesehlukaniso eNdiya liphansi njenge-1%. ENdiya emishadweni eyikhulu engu-13 kuphela ephumela esehlukaniso

Ngakho izibalo zifakazela ukuthi imishado eminingi eNdiya iyasinda lapho umuntu ejola.

Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi naphezu kokushintsha kwezikhathi, isehlukaniso siyindlela yokugcina. Nabesifazane, abangazimele ngokwezimali noma abangenalo uhlelo lokusekela bakuthola kunzima ukuphuma emshadweni. Uma kunjalo umshado uyasinda.

Enye into eNdiya emshadweni imindeni emibili ihileleke. Uma kwenzeka umshado owengeziwe kwesinye isikhathi imindeni izama ukulungisa izinkinga ukuze umshado ungachitheki.

Izinyathelo Eziyi-12 Zokubuyisela Uthando Nokwethemba Emshadweni Ngemva Kwendaba

Manje umbuzo obalulekile ukuthi ungawulungisa kanjani umshado ngemva kokungathembeki? Lona ngumbuzo ohlale ugqamile emiqondweni yabantu ngemuva kokujola. Futhi ngokuya ngezibalo emishadweni yaseNdiya iyakwazi ukusinda ekuqomeni kaningi futhi isehlukaniso asivamile kangako.

Kodwa ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana emshadweni emva kokujola akuwona umsebenzi olula. Ngezinye izikhathi isisekelo somshado siyaqhubeka sintengantenga kodwa ukuthi umshado uzobuyiselwa ongakanani kuxhomeke ekutheni ungakanani umzamo umbhangqwana ozimisele ukuwenza.

UShikha Misra, uprofesa wasekolishi ozinze eCanada, (igama lishintshiwe) ozama ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ngemuva kokujola komyeni wakhe ethi, "Umqondo wokuqala ozoba nawo ukuthi ungabe usamethemba. Uzogxuma uyobheka ucingo lwakhe futhi uma esephuzile ihora emsebenzini uqala ukungabaza ukuthi ubekuphi ngempela. Kunzima kakhulu ukuphinda umethembe futhi yisikhathi esithathayo."

Ngakho-ke uma kwenzeka ishende ukululama kokuqala kusengenzeka kodwa ukubuyela ebudlelwaneni obunempilo lapho kuphela uthando nokwethembana kuwumsebenzi onzima.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 10 Amaphutha Avamile Okubuyisana Emshadweni Okufanele Ugweme Ngemva Kokungathembeki

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt Neeru Kanwar uthi, “Kuyo yonke imibhangqwana engu-10 eza kimina ngithi ngo-2000, bengizothi, emine yayizofika ngoba kunendaba yomshado eyengeziwe.

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo uthi lapho imibhangqwana iza kuye izolungisa umshado wayo ngemva kokuqomisana, “Ngigxila kukho ukuzama ukunaka izidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo ezingahlangatshezwana nazo futhi lokho kungaholela ekukhulumeni okucacile kwezidingo zomuntu ezingokomzwelo kumlingani kanye nokuqonda okwengeziwe kokuthi umlingani wakho uvelaphi.”

Kodwa uma uthatha lezi zinyathelo ezingu-12 kungenzeka ukulungisa umshado ngemva kokungathembeki.

1. Ukuze uphile ekuqomeni, bobabili abashadile kufanele bazimisele

Umshado awukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle uma bobabili abashadile bezimisele ukufaka amaphesenti angu-100 ukuze balulame. Abalingani kufanele baqiniseke ukuthi bafuna ukuhlala ndawonye futhi basebenze ebuhlotsheni ukuze babubuyise kusukela ogwini.

Kufanele kube nokuzibophezela okuvuselelwe ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze futhi kumele kwenziwe umzamo omkhulu kulokho. Umbhangqwana owasinda ekungathembeki ungakutshela ukuthi ukuzinikela okuphindwe kabili kuyadingeka ukuze ululame othandweni.

Ngokwesibonelo, umngane womshado oye wakhohlisa kufanele enze umzamo owengeziwe wokugcina umlingani enolwazi mayelana nokuthi ukuphi. Lesi yisinyathelo sokuqala sokukhombisa ukuthi uzama ukuphumela obala futhi wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni.

2. Bona uchwepheshe wobudlelwane

Abantu abaningi baya ku-a umeluleki womshado njengomzamo wokugcina wokubuyisela umshado wabo ngemva kokungathembeki. Kodwa ngokubona kwethu ukubona umeluleki wemishado zisuka nje lapho udaba seluvundululwe futhi selushaye kabi umshado, kuwumqondo ophusile.

Umeluleki angasiza ekuxazululeni imizwa engemihle futhi afinyelele ekugcineni kwezinkinga zomshado. Umeluleki angaqondisa umbhangqwana endleleni efanele engasiza ekuvuseni umshado ngemva kokungathembeki.

3. Hlunga izinkinga emshadweni

Kwesinye isikhathi umshado uba nezinkinga esingaziboni uma senza impilo yethu yansuku zonke. URees noMac (igama elishintshiwe) bakhululeka kakhulu emshadweni wabo oneminyaka engu-16 ubudala kangangokuthi balishaya indiva iqiniso lokuthi ubulili babuyekile ukuba yingxenye yomshado wabo iminyaka.

Kalula nje, babene- umshado ongenabulili. Babematasa benakekela umkhaya, imisebenzi, izingane, abazali futhi abazange bazinake izidingo zabo ezingokwenyama nezingokomzwelo. Abazange babone ngenxa yokuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba, naphezu kokulala embhedeni owodwa njalo ebusuku, ukuthi base behlukana kanjani. Kwaze kwaba yilapho uRees ethandana nozakwabo ehhovisi leli qiniso lavela obala.

Lolu hlobo lwezindaba kufanele lubhekwe ngokucace kakhudlwana. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKavita Panyam uthi, “Ngemva kokuqomisana kuqala kudingeka nisungule ukwethembana, bese niba abangane futhi ngemva kwalokho ningase nibuyele ebudlelwaneni obungokomzimba. Kudingeka ninikeze le nqubo isikhathi esidingayo.”

4. Ungafaki abantu abaningi kakhulu endabeni

Iphutha elikhulu elenziwa izithandani eziningi ukukhuluma ngale ndaba kubantu abaningi okuhlanganisa izihlobo nabangani. Lokhu kuvame ukuholela ekutheni abantu babuze imibuzo engakhululekile futhi bagxambukele emshadweni. Lokhu kungaba nomthelela omubi kakhulu ikakhulukazi uma umbhangqwana uzama ukululama othandweni futhi uqale kabusha.

Ngakho-ke kungcono ukugoqa yonke into. Uma udinga ukwabelana kwenze nabantu abathembekile ngempela abangeke bakwehlulele esikhathini esizayo.

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5. Misa umdlalo wokusola

Uma kwenzeka ishende kuyinto engenakugwemeka omunye womshado uyosola omunye futhi okuphambene nalokho. Ukushintsha icala kungokwemvelo futhi ukulwa njalo kungaholela ekuqhumeni ngodaka.

Umuntu uzizwa efuna ukukhulula ukukhungatheka ngokukhuluma izinto ezilimazayo. Kodwa isinyathelo sokuqala sokusinda odabeni ukumisa umdlalo wokusola.

Kungani kwenzeka le ngxabano? Ubani owayenecala ngakho? Lezi zinto kufanele zibe yinto yesikhathi esedlule. Ukwakha kabusha umshado ngemva kokungathembeki kufanele kube mayelana nokubheka ikusasa.

Kufanele ubheke ikusasa lapho ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana nokubuyisela umshado kufanele kube into ogxile kuyo kakhulu. Ingabe umphefumulo wakho ufuna ukungathembeki kodwa iseluleko sethu kungaba ukubheka phambili esikhundleni sokubheka emuva.

6. Thembeka ngokuphelele

Umsebenzi we ukwakha ukwethembana kuwela kumlingani okhohlisayo. Indlela enhle yokwenza lokho kungaba ukunikeza ama-password kuma-akhawunti ezinkundla zokuxhumana, i-imeyili kanye nefoni kumlingani ukuze ubonise ukuzimisela kwakho ukufakazela ukuthi akukho okusazokonakala. Lokhu kuhamba indlela ende ukukusiza ukuthi usinde othandweni.

Bobabili abalingani kufanele bathembeke ngendlela abazizwa ngayo ngemva kokuqomisana futhi akufanele bagweme ukukhuluma ngokwethembeka uma kukhona okubacasulayo. Kodwa lokho kufanele kwenziwe ngendlela evuthiwe.

7. Yakha kabusha ukuxhumana

Ngokuvamile kungenxa yokuwohloka kokukhulumisana phakathi kwabashadile okuholela ezinkingeni ezengeziwe. USue wayeqonda ukuthi umyeni wakhe uDavid (amagama ashintshiwe) wayenendaba engokomzwelo kodwa kwamthatha izinyanga eziyi-8 ukubhekana naye.

Nakuba babedla ndawonye isidlo sabo sakusihlwa kanye nesikhathi se-TV esivamile ngemva kwalokho esofeni legumbi lokuhlala kodwa kwakunezikhathi eziningi uSue engazange atshele uDavid ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngempela ngokuthatheka kwakhe ngocingo.

Manje unomuzwa wokuthi ukube wayekhulumile ngemizwa yakhe yangempela 8 months back izinto ngabe azifikanga kuleli qophelo. Ukwakha kabusha futhi ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana futhi kuyisici esibalulekile sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana. Imibhangqwana kudingeka ikhulumisane ngemizwa yayo njalo ukuze bakhe kabusha ukwethembana futhi iqhubeke nokujola.

8. Yakha kabusha ubuhlobo

Okuwukuphela kohlangothi oluhle lokuqomisana lusiza imibhangqwana ukuba iqonde ukuthi ingobani nokuthi ingabhekana kanjani nezinkinga. Akunakuphikwa ukuthi ukukhaphela kukushaya ebusweni.

Kodwa ukubuyela emuva nokuvuselela ubuhlobo kungasiza ekusindeni othandweni.

Ungaya esitolo sekhofi obujwayele ukuya kuso ngaphambili, nihlele uhambo lomndeni nezingane noma nivele niyobuka amafilimu ndawonye. Qala ukwenza kabusha izinto obuhlala uzazisa.

9. Susa ukucasuka

Uma ishende liphela futhi noma uphathina ezibophezela ngokuphelele ebudlelwaneni izinga elithile lokucasuka lihlala likhona.

Intukuthelo, ubuhlungu, umona, ukucasuka owaba nakho ekuqaleni ngemva kokuthola indaba yokuqoma kuthatha isimo sokucasuka. Ukuze usinde endabeni, udinga ukuyeka ukucasuka kanye nentukuthelo.

Yilapho-ke okumele ugxile kuzo zonke izinto ezinhle ngomlingani wakho kanye nezinhlangothi ezinhle zobudlelwano benu. Kuzosiza ekucubunguleni lowo muzwa wokucasuka.

10. Zilaphe wena kuqala

Ukuze umshado usinde ekuqomeni kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi bobabili abashadile babelaphe bona kuqala. Umlingani oqole uzoba nesethi yakhe yemizwa engemihle okufanele abhekane nayo kuyilapho umuntu ozizwa ekhashiwe kudingeka acubungule imizwa yakhe.

Kuyilapho umkhohlisi udinga ukulwa necala lakhe, umuntu okhohliswe ezindabeni zokwethenjwa kwezimpi. Ukuya eholidini elilodwa kuyindlela enhle yokuthola ukucaca emicabangweni kanye nokuphulukisa.

Ngemva kokuqaphela lokho ozizwayo nokuthi ufuna ukuyisa ubuhlobo phambili ungaqala kuphela ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana nokubuyisela umshado.

11. Yeka ukubheka emuva

Lokhu kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Kodwa zama ukuqala ubuhlobo njengesahluko esisha empilweni yakho. Kufanele ube nezizathu zakho zokunikeza ubudlelwano ithuba lesibili okungaba uthando nokubophana okusekhona noma izingane zakho noma isidingo sokuba ndawonye futhi ungaphumi endaweni yokunethezeka.

Noma ngabe kuyini kumele ubheke phambili futhi ube nombono oqondile mayelana nokuthi ubudlelwano bufike kuphi. Ukubheka emuva kungandisa ubuhlungu nokucasuka.

Ukuvuselela umshado wakho ngemva kokungathembeki kungenzeka kuphela uma uyeka ukubheka emuva futhi uqhubeke ucabanga ngokwenzekile nokuthi kungani kwenzeka.

12. Ungalinge uxazulule udaba

Kungaba nezingxabano, ukulwa nezimo ezimbi kodwa kufanele wenze iphuzu lokuthi ungalokothi uxazulule indaba uma ufuna umshado wakho usinde. Umzamo wakho uwukuqhubekela phambili futhi ungalokhu usola umlingani wakho ngokwenzekile. Lena i-no-cha eqinile.

Abanye abantu abathandanayo ababi nalo ithuba ngemuva kokujola futhi uma kunjalo kungcono ukhethe isehlukaniso bese uphuma emshadweni. Thatha wethu uhlu lokuhlola isehlukaniso usizo ukuze uqiniseke. Kodwa uma umbhangqwana unomuzwa wokuthi unganikeza umshado wawo ithuba lesibili futhi ungasinda lapho uqomile, khona-ke kufanele ucabange ngokungathi sína futhi wenze umzamo odingekayo ndawonye. Khumbula, umshado uhlale uwumzamo weqembu futhi kufanele nenze umzamo ophindwe kabili njengeqembu ukuze nisinde ekuqomeni.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.