Uyazibuza ukuthi bungakhiwa kanjani ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo, obunenjongo kulo mhlaba onesiphithiphithi osheshayo lapho yonke into ibonakala ishelela ngakithi? Nakuba kungase kuzwakale kuyinqaba, umqondo ongokomoya omdala, wamaBuddha - ukucabangela - ungase ube impendulo ezinkingeni zothando lwanamuhla. Ukucabangela kuwukuqaphela ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Ngakho-ke, ukunaka ebudlelwaneni kuzokuvumela ukuthi ulalele, uqaphele, futhi uzwele izidingo nezimfuno zomlingani wakho ngaphandle kokugxumela esiphethweni kuqala.
Ngamagama alula, ukucabangela kuwukuqaphela isikhathi samanje. Ugxila futhi uqaphela imicabango yakho yamanje, imizwa kanye nemizwa, ngaphandle kokuzama ukwahlulela noma ukutolika. Izinzuzo zokuqaphela impilo yengqondo ziye zacaciswa kabanzi. Umbhali nomqeqeshi wenhlangano uMurli Menon uthi, “Njengoba nje i-diya (isibani sobumba) esivikelwe emimoyeni enamandla ngesundu esigaywe ngenkomishi ingacwayizi, ukucabangela kusiza umuntu ukuba ahlale eqinile njengalelolangabi.”
Ngokuyisisekelo, kukuvumela ukuthi uzizwe konke, wamukele konke - futhi ungaxhamazeli ngezahlulelo zakho. Futhi mhlawumbe lowo umqondo ongaba usizo olukhulu lapho usetshenziswa ebuhlotsheni. Kuwukuqhubeka kwemvelo, ngakho-ke, ukuthola ukuthi ukucabangela kuthuthukisa ubudlelwano, futhi. Kodwa ngempela ikufeza kanjani lokho? Ukuze siqonde, sidinga kuqala sijule emcabangweni wokucabanga ngokwawo.
Ukucabanga kanye nobuBuddha
Okuqukethwe
Ukucabangela kuhlotshaniswa kanjani nobuBuddha? Uma uqaphela imicabango yakho, imizwa, izenzo, umzimba nengqondo kulesi sikhathi samanje, uzoqaphela ukuthi zonke izinto zidlula. Lokhu kuzokwenza ukuthi udedele lezi zinto zesikhashana (okunamathiselwe okuchithiwe) futhi ngaleyo ndlela uzikhulule ekuhluphekeni.
Ngokusho komqeqeshi wokuzindla ngokucabanga kanye nomelaphi wokuhlehla kwempilo edlule u-Ririi Trivedi, "UbuBuddha buphathelene nokuphila okunozwela. Futhi, ukucabangela kusisiza ukuba sibe nobubele kithina kanye nabanye. Kusifundisa ukungahluleli."
Umqondo oyisisekelo uwukuqaphelisisa ngokugcwele isimo somuntu samanje nendawo eseduze ukuze umuntu afinyelele esimweni sokuzazi okuphelele komuntu siqu, indawo ezungezile, kanye nabantu abakhona kulezo zindawo ezizungezile. Kodwa ukuqaphela kufanele kuzuzwe ngaphandle kokwenzeka kokwahlulela.
Ngakho-ke, umqondo wokucabangela eBuddhism umayelana nokufinyelela esimweni sokuqonda okuphelele ngaphandle kokungcolisa ukuqonda okushiwo ngemibono yomuntu siqu noma ukwahlulela.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokwelapha Ubudlelwano Ngokuzindla
Omunye angase azibuze ukuthi umqondo onjalo ongokomoya ungahlangana kanjani nobudlelwano besimanje. Impela, sisebenzisa amanye amagama anjalo njengemodi ye-zen kanye ne-nirvana kunalokho ngokuphazima kweso. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi azinawo umthelela osheshayo ebuntwini bethu nasekuphatheni kwethu kwansuku zonke nendawo esizungezile kanye nabantu esabelana nabo ngezimpilo zomuntu siqu nezomsebenzi.
Uma sinaka isimo sethu samanje, ngeke yini lokho kusho ukuthi siyokwazi ukungena kalula ezicathulweni zomuntu ophambi kwethu, ukuze silalele ngempela, siqonde, futhi sizwelane ngaphandle kokuziphendulela? Ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni, ngakho-ke, kuzosenza siqonde kangcono izidingo, izimfuno, nezifiso zomlingani wethu, ngisho nasezimeni lapho singalingeka khona ukuzivikela.
Ekugcineni, ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni kungasisiza sijulise ubuhlobo bethu nomlingani wethu ngamandla amakhulu ozwela nokuqonda. Ngakho-ke, ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni kusiza ekuthuthukiseni nasekuqiniseni ubuhlobo . Kodwa kwenza kanjani lokho ngempela?
Ukucabangela Kubuthuthukisa Kanjani Ubudlelwano?
Ukucabanga njengomqondo kukhuthaza ukuqonda okujulile kanye nozwela. Kufanele kukuvumele uqonde inhloso yangempela, izizathu, kanye nezizathu ngemuva kwezenzo namazwi abantu abasizungezile. Futhi kukuvumela ukuthi ukwenze konke ngaphandle kokwahlulela ukuze ukwazi ukuzwelana nokuqonda esikhundleni sokufuna ukuphikisana nokuzivikela nokungcolisa izenzakalo zangempela ngemibono yakho kanye nokuzikhethela kwakho.
Cabanga usebenzisa izinzuzo zokucabangela ebuhlotsheni. "Izinkinga zobudlelwane ziphakama ngoba abantu ngabanye basebenza ngaphandle kokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kwangaphambili kanye namaphethini akhiwe ebuntwaneni. Lawa mathonya emibonweni yamanje, izinkolelo, ukwesaba nokungaqiniseki. Ngamafuphi, sisabela okwamanje, ngokusekelwe esikhathini esidlule. Imithwalo yethu yangaphambili ingase yenza ubuhlobo bethu nomlingani wethu bungasebenzi. Ukucabangela kusisiza ukuba sikuqaphele lokhu futhi sihlale sikhona, "kuchaza uRirii.
Ucwaningo lwango -2004 olunesihloko esithi Mindfulness-based Relationship Enhancement , olwanyatheliswa kuyi-Behavior Therapy lwathola ukuthi ukuzindla kwandisa ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano kanye nokusondelana, kusiza abalingani ukwamukelana futhi kunciphisa ukucindezeleka kobudlelwano. Ngakho-ke, ukuzindla ebudlelwaneni kukuvumela ukuthi uqaphele ngempela isikhathi samanje futhi kuvimbele imibono yakho kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwesikhathi esidlule ukuthi kungathonyi umbono wakho ngalezi zenzakalo.
Isibonelo, uma ungumuntu oke wakhohliswa ngaphambilini, umbono wakho ojwayelekile ngezenzo zomlingani wakho uzothonywa izinga lokusola. Ngakho-ke, lapho behlala sekwephuzile ehhovisi ngenxa yezikhathi ezimisiwe futhi behlanganyela nawe kancane kancane, ingqondo yakho ngokuvamile iyobe isilungele ukuthi, “Aha!
Kodwa, uma ujwayela imikhuba yobudlelwane obuqaphile, uzobheka isimo bese uzama ngempela ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani esikhundleni sokuza ekwahluleleni kuqala. Mhlawumbe basebenza isikhathi esengeziwe ukuze bondle umkhaya kangcono. Noma mhlawumbe kukhona ukukhushulwa okungahle kuqale umsebenzi wabo.
Uma usenomuzwa wokuthi awukwazi ngokugcwele noma awukwazi ukuchaza ukuthi kwenzekani, ukucabangela emshadweni nasebudlelwaneni kuzokuvimbela ekwenzeni izinsolo zakho futhi ufinyelele ekucabangeni okungajwayelekile. Ngakho-ke, ungakwazi ngempela ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho mayelana nesimo nemizwa yakho ngaphandle kokufika esiphethweni esibi kakhulu kuqala.
Uma ungazijwayezi imikhuba yobudlelwano obuqaphile, ungathambekela ekuguquleni izingxoxo ezinjalo zibe izingxabano futhi umlingani wakho uzokhathala ukusola ngesikhathi esithile, okuholela ekwehleni kwesibopho enihlanganyela nobabili. Ungakwazi futhi ukuthanda kangcono ngokucabangela ebudlelwaneni ngoba kukuvumela ukuthi wazise ngempela umlingani wakho nakho konke akwenzela kona.
Isimo sokuqwashisa ngaphandle kokwahlulela osifinyelelayo lapho uhlanganisa ukucabangela nothando sikuvumela ukuthi ufunde imizwa nezidingo zomlingani wakho kangcono. Ngakho-ke, uthola ithuba lokuba nobubele kubo futhi uthambekele ezidingweni zabo kangcono. Uma umlingani wakho esesimweni esibi, ukucabangela ebudlelwaneni kuzokuvumela ukuba ucabange ngezenzo zakho futhi wahlulele ukuthi wenze iphutha yini ukuze uxolise futhi wenze kuye ngaphandle kokuba isimo siqhubeke sikhula.
Eqinisweni, inhlanganisela yokucabangela nothando ingakwenza ube enembile kangangokuthi ingaphenduka ibe amandla amakhulu kakhulu akuvumela ukuba ube nomusa nozwela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sinjani. Izinzuzo zokuqaphela ebudlelwaneni, ngakho-ke, zinala. Futhi lokhu ngokusobala kungakushiya uzibuza, “Ngingajwayelana kanjani nokuqaphela ebudlelwaneni?”
Ukusebenzisa Ukucabangela Ukuthuthukisa Ubudlelwano
Nakuba uthando luvame ukubhekwa njengento ebalulekile empilweni njengokuphefumula, izimo kanye nokuntuleka kwesikhathi kusenza singanaki indlela esiziveza ngayo kubalingani bethu. Ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni bothando kusiza ukushintsha umbono wethu futhi sixhumane kangcono , ngaleyo ndlela senze ubuhlobo obujabulisayo nobuvumelanayo. Kodwa, ngenxa yokucindezeleka kokuphila ngokuvamile, sivame ukunganaki izinzuzo eziningi zokuqaphela ebudlelwaneni.
Futhi, noma ngabe ufuna ukukuprakthiza, kungase kube lula ukukusho kunokukwenza, ikakhulukazi uma ungazi ukuthi ungaqala kuphi. Uma uzimisele ngokuthanda kangcono ngokuqaphela ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukuqala kancane. Qala ngokuzihlaziya. Unjani wena njengozakwethu? Ingabe uyasiqaphela isikhathi samanje, uyazazi izidingo zabathandekayo bakho? Uma kungenjalo, ushoda kuphi? Futhi lokho kube buthinta kanjani ubuhlobo bakho bomuntu siqu?
Uma usuzazi kahle ubuwena kanye nokwehluleka kwakho, sekuyisikhathi sokuqala ukuzijwayeza imikhuba yobudlelwano obuqaphile. Uma usazibuza ukuthi sikhuluma ngani, nanka amathiphu okusebenzisa ukunaka ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano.
1. Ukuxhuma kangcono
Ukususa iziphazamiso kungenye yemisebenzi ebalulekile yokuqaphela imibhangqwana ezama ukuhlanganisa lo mkhuba ebudlelwaneni babo. Ukuze uhlanganyele nomlingani wakho ngokucophelela, udinga ukubeka eceleni amagajethi akho (omakhalekhukhwini namakhompyutha aphathekayo), ucime umabonakude, uvale incwadi oyifundayo, futhi ugxile kukho kuphela.
Kumelwe ulalelisise lokho akushoyo. Ungakwazi futhi ukuzijwayeza ukulalela ngokuzimisela ngokubuza imibuzo. Yebo, umbhangqwana ungaxhumana ngisho nangokuthula okunokuthula. Kodwa, lapho umlingani wakho ezama ukuxhumana nawe, kubalulekile ukuzijwayeza ikhono lokulalela ngaphandle kokuzwa isidingo sokwahlulela, ukubeka imibono yomuntu, nokunikeza iseluleko esingafanelekile.
Uma umlalela ngokweqiniso umlingani wakho, noma ethule noma enza enye into, uzokwazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi uzokwazi ukwenza ngokufanele. Lokhu kuzokusiza wenze ukuxhumana kwakho kujule futhi kuqine.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-7 Zokuthi Amagajethi Awonakalisa Ubudlelwano 'Nobuchwepheshe' Bawo
2. Ukubheka amehlo
Ingabe ukucabangela kungathuthukisa ubudlelwano? Yebo, ngempela, futhi ngemikhuba emincane yansuku zonke njengokubheka amehlo. Uma uzibandakanya ngomqondo nomlingani wakho ujwayele ukubheka amehlo. Lokhu kukhombisa intshisekelo kumlingani wakho nalokho akushoyo. Umlingani wakho uzozizwa ebalulekile.
Yingakho kubalulekile ukuzijwayeza ukucabanga ngokukhathazeka kobudlelwane. Uma umlingani wakho ejwayele ukuzizwa engalondekile noma esolisayo, ukugxila kwakho ngokuphelele kuye - okuhambisana nokumbheka - kuzosiza ukuqeda lokho kwesaba kobulwane. Imibhangqwana ejwayela ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni ingazizwa ixhumene ngisho nasendlini egcwele abanye abantu ngento elula njengokubhekana ngamehlo.
Futhi, bathi amehlo ayizibuko zomphefumulo. Umphakathi usenze sonke ngokwemvelo sakholelwa ukuthi abantu abangagcini ngokubonana emehlweni banokuthile abangakufihla. Ngakho-ke, ubuciko bokukhuluma, ukuxhumana, ngisho nokuthandana namehlo akho yinto okufanele uyenze nakanjani. Ukumane nje ubheke umlingani wakho emehlweni kungasiza ekuqinisekiseni ukwethembeka kwakho futhi kumbonise ukuthi awugcini nje ngokubalalela kodwa futhi awunalutho ongalufihla kubo.
3. Ukukhuluma ngokucabangela
Ukucabangela ebudlelwaneni bothando kusho ukuba nezingxoxo ezinengqondo. Lokhu kwenzeka kuphela lapho ozakwethu benemiqondo evulekile futhi bemukela imibono yomunye nomunye. Futhi, uma unengqondo, uyacabanga ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume futhi ukwazi ukubeka yonke imicabango nemibono yakho ngokucacile nangokuhluzekile.
Ukuzijwayeza ukuqaphela ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuthi kuzodingeka uvulekele ukulalela umuntu ophambi kwakho ngaphandle kokushesha ukuthola ithuba lokuzivikela, ngisho noma ekusola ngokuthile. Ngisho nezimpikiswano ziyaba nempilo uma uzimisele ukulalela.
Lapho umlingani wakho eqaphela ukuthi uhlale uzimisele ukumlalela futhi ngeke umehlulele, uyokuthola kulula ukukhululeka, ukuxhumana, nokuba sengozini phambi kwakho. Imibhangqwana ejwayela ukucabangela, ngakho, ivuleleka kakhudlwana komunye nomunye futhi ikuthola kulula ukusho nokuhlangabezana nezidingo, izimfuno, kanye nezifiso zomunye nomunye.
4. Ukusabalalisa ukungezwani
Ukucabangela kusenza sikwazi 'ukuphendula' esikhundleni 'sokusabela' phakathi nengxabano, ngokusho kukaRirii. Lapho sisabela ngokuvamile kungenxa yentukuthelo noma ngomzwelo othile onamandla. "Ukuqaphela kusinika isikhathi sokukhetha impendulo yethu. Siqaphela kakhulu amazwi nezenzo zethu ngaleyo ndlela sidale umonakalo omncane ebuhlotsheni," usho kanje.
Ngamanye amazwi, ucabangela kakhulu futhi uyacabangela futhi ungagwema ukukhuluma noma ukwenza izinto ezingalimaza ubuhlobo bakho . Ukuzijwayeza ukuqaphela ngokuyisisekelo kufana nokuzinika isikhathi ngaphambi kokunquma ukwakha umbono ngendaba ethile. Kukuvumela ukuthi wehlise ijubane futhi ugxile ngempela kulokho okushiwoyo ngaphandle kokuzizwa unesidingo sokuzivikela noma sokukuphikisa ngombono wakho.
Ukucabangela ukukhathazeka kobudlelwane kuvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi aqonde ukuthi awugcini nje ngokulalela kodwa uzimisele ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zabo ngisho nasezimeni lapho ungakhululekile kakhulu kuwe. Uma umlingani wakho ezwa ukuthi imizwa yakhe yamukelwa, maningi amathuba okuthi baxoxe nawe ngokukhululekile nangokuzola ngalolu daba ngaphandle kokuzwa isidingo sokumemeza noma ukudala ukungezwani.
5. Ukuzizwa ubonga
Uma ugxila esikhathini samanje, uzokwazisa izinto ezincane ezenziwa umlingani wakho ezikujabulisayo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi inkomishi eshisayo yetiye eliluhlaza noma lokho kubhucungwa kwehlombe, zizwe ubonga ngalezo zikhathi futhi uzwakalise ukwazisa kwakho. Phela, ukunaka ebudlelwaneni obuseduze kumayelana nokuthinta okuncane.
6. Ukuzijwayeza ububele
Ukuqaphela kusifundisa ukuzijwayeza ububele kithi kanye nakwabanye. Esikhundleni sokwahlulela umlingani wakho, mbheke ngobubele nangozwela . Uzothola ugxile ezintweni ezinhle. Iqiniso liyehla uma uqaphela. Ngokungazelelwe, uqala ukuzizwa sengathi ubona konke ngemininingwane emincane kakhulu.
Umuntu okubona konke kungenzeka ukuthi azazi izizathu zamazwi, izenzo, nokusabela komlingani wakhe. Ngakho-ke, ngisho nasezimweni ezishubile, ukucabangela kungakuvumela ukuba uzibeke ezicathulweni zabo. Futhi, lapho uqonda futhi uqala ukuzwa lokho umlingani wakho akuzwayo, uyoba maningi amathuba okuthi ubonise ububele ngisho nalapho ebhekene nentukuthelo nokusola kwakhe.
7. Ukuthinta ngokucophelela
Ukuthintana ngokomzimba kubaluleke kakhulu ekucabangeni ebuhlotsheni bothando. Lapho nihlangana ngemva kosuku olukhathazayo emsebenzini, ukwanga okungenamagama kuphumule kakhulu. Ukubamba izandla (ngokuqaphela nangenhloso) ngenkathi usohambweni noma ngenkathi ukhuluma kuzokwenza uzizwe usondelene nesithandwa sakho.
Akudingeki ukuthi ukuthintana ngokocansi, okungekona ngokocansi kungaba yinto ethinta inhliziyo ngendlela efanayo. Ukuthintana okududuzayo nokunengqondo kungaba izikhumbuzo ezingenamazwi. Ukuthintana kanye kungatshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ukhona. Ngisho noma usuku lube lubi kuye, usalinde ekupheleni kwalo. Kubakhumbuza ukuthi ningabalingani nokuthi nizobhekana nazo zonke izinkinga nezinselele zempilo ndawonye. Ukuthi ababodwa. Ukuthi uyabaqonda, uyazwelana nabo, futhi uyabasekela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani.
8. Ukuphefumula noma ukuzindla ndawonye
Ungahlala phansi nophathina wakho nizilolonge ukuphefumula kahle - lapho nihogela khona kancane bese niwukhipha. Lesi yi-stressbuster enkulu. Ningazijwayeza nokuzindla ngokucabangela ndawonye. Lona omunye wemisebenzi yokucabangela engcono kakhulu imibhangqwana okufanele bazibandakanye kuyo. Ukuxhumana kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa ukwazi ukwabelana ngokuthula okusagolide kubaluleke ngendlela efanayo.
Ukuzijwayeza ukuphefumula nokuzindla ndawonye kungakuvumela ukuthi ujabule ngokuthula ngisho noma uzama ukuthola imodi eyabiwe ye-zen. Kungakwenza uzizwe uxhumekile ngenkathi isivunguvungu sempilo sivunguza sikuzungezile - njengokungathi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani, akukho okungaqhuma ibhamuza eliyisivikelo enilizungezile ngamandla okucabangela, ukuhloniphana, nokuzwelana.
9. Ukuzivocavoca umzimba
Ngokuka-Murli, amasu anjengokushaya izandla ngazwi linye, imithandazo evunyelanisiwe ekhaya, iziphakamiso ezizenzakalelayo neziqinisekiso lapho bobabili abalingani becula ndawonye, nokuzivocavoca umzimba okuhlanganyelwe ngenkathi belalele umculo opholile we-Zen kungasiza umbhangqwana ukuthi usondelane kangcono.
Uma uzibuza ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bungahluka kanjani uma uzijwayeze ukuqaphela, lezi zimpawu nezinqubo kuyimpendulo yakho. Sekukonke, ukunaka ebudlelwaneni bothando kungathuthukisa isibopho sakho nomlingani wakho njengoba kukufundisa ukuqaphela, ukungahluleli nokungasukumi.
Izizathu Ezingu-5 Ezenza Ukusondelana Phakathi Kwabashadikazi Kufiphale nokuthi Ungakuvimba Kanjani
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
