Ungathandana Nothile Ku-inthanethi Ngaphandle Kokuhlangana Naye?

Ungakwazi yini ukuthandana nomuntu ku-inthanethi? Njengoba uzulazula ku-inthanethi ukuphola, lo mbuzo uzofika engqondweni yakho ngesikhathi esithile. Uswayiphela kwesokudla, futhi isiteji sokukhuluma sikugcwalisa ngomuzwa ovuselelwe wokulindela, ukulangazelela, kanye nesasasa. Uzizwa sengathi ubamba imizwa. Kukhona okubambekayo-awukaze uhlangane nomuntu othandana naye.

Kungenzeka yini ukuthandana nomuntu ongakaze umbone? Hhayi-ke, ukuthuthukisa imizwa ngomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye futhi omaziyo kuphela kuhambisana nesifundo sesimanje sokuqomisana. Umqondo abantu abaningi abangashadile abawubheka njengojwayelekile. Eqinisweni, ngokusho kuka-a Ucwaningo, Ama-54% abantu baseMelika babheka ubudlelwano be-inthanethi njengobuyimpumelelo njengalobo oba nezimpande empilweni yangempela.

Umbuzo uwukuthi: ingabe lokho okuzwayo uthando lwangempela noma ukukhangwa/ukuthatheka okungase kuvule indlela yothando oluhlala njalo? Ingabe ukuzizwa uxhumene nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye kuyefana nokuba sothandweni naye? Ijaji liphumile kulokhu. Nakuba kunezindaba eziningi kangaka zabantu abathole 'oyena' ku-inthanethi, kukhona futhi abantu abakholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano be-inthanethi kuphela bungaba namandla othando lwangempela kodwa lolo thando alukwazi ukwakheka ngaphandle uma abantu ababili bendawonye ngokomzimba.  

Ungathandana Nothile Ku-inthanethi?

Impendulo yombuzo ingahluka kakhulu kuye ngokuthi ubuza bani. Thatha isibonelo sikaSusan, uthisha webanga lesibili wase-Keansburg, owayenokungabaza kakhulu ukuphola ku-inthanethi. Wabe esexhumana noMike esithangamini somphakathi esiku-inthanethi sabathandi bezinkondlo. Babophezelekile phezu kwezithakazelo zabo ezifanayo, kanye nezabo ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo yajula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kwakukhona izinsuku uSusan noMike ababezichitha ku-FaceTime, behlanganyela yonke ingxenye yezimpilo zabo. 

Ngokushesha, banquma ukuhlangana. Kodwa-ke, uhambo oluya eSan Francisco ukuyochitha impelasonto noMike lwawushintsha ngokuphelele umkhondo wobudlelwano babo be-inthanethi obuyimanje-obuhle kakhulu. USusan waqaphela ukuthi uMike wayenobudlabha kakhulu—egqoka izingubo ezifanayo izinsuku ezintathu, egxisha amabhokisi obisi amadala esiqandisini, elindele ukuthi umthwalo wakhe uzowugcina “noma kuphi”. Konke okuphathelene nendlela yakhe yokuphila kwaba ukucisha okukhulu kuye. Vele nje, kuMike, wazibona engumuntu onamandla kakhulu, onesiphithiphithi kakhulu. Ekupheleni kohambo, ubuhlobo babo base buphelile.  

Nokho, leyo akuyona indlela ubudlelwano be-inthanethi obuhlala buthuthuka ngayo. Umngane wami omkhulu, isibonelo, wahlangana nomyeni wakhe ohlelweni lokusebenza lokuthandana, u-Aisle. Wayehlala e-US ngaleso sikhathi kanti wayeseJalimane. Lapho engitshela ukuthi uzoya eJalimane ukuze amhlangabeze, nganginokungabaza, ngikhathazekile ngaye. Abantu bathandana kanjani bengakaze bahlangane, ngizibuze. Kodwa uhambo lwaba impumelelo enkulu. Bashada ezinyangeni ezizayo ezingu-6, futhi sebeneminyaka engaphezu kwemihlanu beqinile manje.

Ngakho-ke, ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi? Ngokusekelwe endabeni kamngane wami, ngingathi yebo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kunobufakazi obanele obusekelwe ocwaningweni obuphakamisa ukuthi ukuzizwa uxhumene nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye kuzwakala kuzwakala ngokuphelele. Ngokusho kuka-a cwaningo, "ikhono lokuthola abantu abathanda izinto ezifanayo ozenzayo" yikho okwenza ubudlelwano be-inthanethi bube buhle.

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Intambo ye-Reddit, Ingabe Kuyenzeka Ukuthandana Nothile Ku-inthanethi?, iyimayini yegolide yezindaba zempumelelo. Eyodwa umsebenzisi Uthi, "Mina no-SO wami saba nokholo oluqinile. Sahlangana ngomdlalo wevidiyo futhi kwaba uhlobo oluthile lokungamukeleki ngoba sobabili sasisanda kuphuma ebuhlotsheni ngakho sazama ukungacabangi lutho ngakho kwaze kwaba yilapho sesivele sakhathala futhi sifuna ngempela ukuba sobabili."

Enye umsebenzisi owashada nomuntu abathandana naye ku-inthanethi uthi,

Ukuzizwa uxhumene nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye: Ongakulindela 

Njengoba ungabona, umqondo wokuthandana ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokuhlangana nomuntu awukho kude noma awunangqondo ezikhathini esiphila kuzo. Ngokusho kwe- ukutadisha, Ama-34% abantu baseMelika abasebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele bathi bahlangane nabalingani babo/abalingani babo ku-inthanethi. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungase kungabi phezulu ohlwini lwezizathu zokuthandana nomuntu kuwo wonke umuntu. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ithuba lokuxhumana nabantu ku-inthanethi, kungaba ngezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola, inkundla yezokuxhumana, noma ngisho izinkundla nemidlalo yabadlali abaningi, liyakwandisa i-pool futhi kwandisa amathuba akho okuthola umuntu osanda kuchofoza naye.

Njengoba nazana futhi nithola izinto enifana ngazo, ningagcina nizizwa nixhumene nomuntu eningakaze nihlangane naye. Kodwa-ke, kungcono kakhulu ukugcina okulindele kungokoqobo futhi usho ukuvumelana okutholayo ku ukuxhumana komphefumulo okujulile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyazibuza, “Ingabe ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi?”, noma uqinisekile ukuthi usuthandana futhi wahlangana nomuntu othandana naye ku-inthanethi, kuwukuhlakanipha ukuqaphela amaqiniso alandelayo ayisisekelo:

• Nakuba kungafanele uzijabhise ngendlela ozizwa ngayo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi awukakahlangani nomuntu wangempela.
• Kulula ukubeka unyawo lwakho olungcono kakhulu phambili uma uhlanganyela cishe, ukuba ndawonye kuwumdlalo webhola ohluke ngokuphelele.
• Ungase ungabi nalutho mayelana quirks zabo, amaphutha, idiosyncrasies
• Izici ezingokomzimba nezobuntu umuntu aziklamayo noma ozihlanganisa naye zingase ziqhelelene neqiniso
• Ungase uwenze isithixo uze ungawanaki amafulege athile abomvu akugqolozele ebusweni
• Uma uthanda umuntu ku-inthanethi osuka kwelinye izwe, izwekazi, noma isifunda, udinga ukubuza ukuthi ungalugcina yini uthando lwebanga elide uze uthole icebo lokuba ndawonye ngokomzimba.

Amaqiniso Angenakuphikwa Okuthandana Ku-inthanethi

Njengoba ukwazi ukubona manje, ayikho impendulo elula ye-yebo noma cha embuzweni, ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi? Ungakwazi ukuthuthukisa imizwa yothando futhi uqale ukuthandana nomuntu online. Kodwa leyo mizwa ingase ihumushele othandweni oluhlala njalo olungamelana novivinyo lwesikhathi. Kungcono ukunyathela ngokucophelela futhi ungalahlekelwa umbono weqiniso lokuthi awumazi kahle umuntu wangempela ngemuva kwaleso sikrini.

Lokhu kungasiza kakhulu ekuqedeni ukuphoxeka kanye namathemba afiphele lapho wenza, empeleni, uhlangana nomuntu oye wamthanda futhi uqaphela ukuthi uyasilela enguqulweni yakhe eqondile obuyakhe ekhanda lakho. Le pragmatism ingasho umehluko phakathi kweziqhumane kanye nobuhlungu benhliziyo. Uma uthanda ku-inthanethi, lawa amaqiniso okufanele uzilungiselele:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ungena Othandweni Ngokushesha Kakhulu? Izizathu Ezingu-8 Okufanele Wehlise Ijubane

1. Ebudlelwaneni obuku-inthanethi, usonqenqemeni lokuthandana

Ungakwazi yini ukuthandana nomuntu ku-inthanethi? Mhlawumbe, indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphendula lo mbuzo ukuthi ungase uzithole usonqenqemeni lokungena othandweni. Futhi ngenhlanhla encane ekuvuneni kwakho, lokhu kungaba isiqalo sobudlelwano obuhle. Lokho okushiwoyo, uma uphupha ngothando oluphelele lwesivunguvungu ngaphandle kwamaphutha, izinselelo zobudlelwano, nezingxabano, uzibekela indumalo.

Lezi ziyingxenye yezifundo zanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Okubalulekile ukuthi wena nozakwenu nizulazula kanjani kulezi zikhubekiso. Ningakwazi yini ukukhulumisana ngendlela enempilo, nitholakale ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye, futhi ningathembela kubo ukuba bame eceleni kwenu kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani? Uma kunjalo, izizathu zakho zokuthandana nomuntu ziqinile.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 13 Izinkinga Ezinkulu Zokuqomisana Ku-inthanethi

2. Ibanga lingafaka i-dampener othandweni olusafufusa

Kungenzeka yini ukuthandana nomuntu ongakaze umbone? Yebo, ngokuqinisekile. Umbuzo uwukuthi, ingabe ukuxhumana okunjalo kuqine ngokwanele ukusekela uthando olude? Lokhu ukukhathazeka okuvumelekile uma uthanda umuntu ku-inthanethi osuka kwelinye izwe noma kwesinye isifunda. Ngaphandle uma unohlelo olucacile lokuvala leli gebe noma idethi yokuphela eseduze, ukuzulazula ngobudlelwano bebanga elide nomuntu ongamazi kahle emhlabeni wangempela kungaba nzima. Bese kuba novalo oluhambisana nokususa impilo yakho yonke kumuntu omaziyo kuphela. Konke lokhu kungawuqeda umoya othandweni olusafufusa.

Thatha isibonelo sika-Ana, intombazane yeqiniso yaseTexas eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, owamatanisa nensizwa yaseNew York kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana. Okwaqala njengokuphenduka nje okujwayelekile ku-inthanethi kugcine sekubumbeke kwaba ukuxhumana kwangempela kwezinhliziyo ezimbili. Nakuba bengakwazi ukuphika imizwa enamandla, ukuya emuva naphambili amamayela angu-1700 ukugcina uthando luphila kwakungelula. Izingqinamba ezingokoqobo zempilo zabaphazamisa futhi bobabili babona kungcono ukuthi bahlehle, futhi futhi, uthando lwahlangabezana nesiphetho esibuhlungu. 

3. Inetha elibanzi lisho amathuba aphezulu okuhlangana nomuntu onomqondo ofanayo

Abantu bathandana kanjani ku-inthanethi? Uma uke wazibuza lokho, yazi ukuthi uma uhlangana nomuntu obonakala enqunywe indwangu efana neyakho, uzizwe uxhumeke ngokushesha ngisho nomuntu ongamazi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nangomzamo oqhubekayo, lokhu kungase kuthathelwe indawo imizwa yothando. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kubantu abangenalwazi, abantu abahlukumezekile emphakathini, noma labo abanenkinga yokukhathazeka nokungazethembi.

Uma udlala amakhadi akho kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana, ungase uhlangane nomunye umuntu ongazi lutho, ohleli endlini ojabulela izincwadi nekhofi njengoba nje wenza. Kunenqwaba yezinhlanzi kulolu lwandle olukhulu oluyi-virtual dating. Isithandwa sakho somphefumulo kungenzeka ukuthi sikhona, sixoxa nomunye umuntu njengamanje. Okufanele ukwenze ukubekezela. Uma usuku lufika futhi nobabili ekugcineni niswayipha kwesokudla, uthando luzofika lungqongqoza emnyango wenu. 

4. Uzichaya ezingozini zokuqomisana nge-inthanethi

Ubugebengu bokweba imininingwane ebucayi, ukudoba izinhlanzi, ukuqola kwezothando, amaphrofayili mbumbulu, kanye ne-sextortion kungezinye zezingozi eziningi ezihlobene nokuqomisana ku-inthanethi. Kusukela kudokhumentari ka-2010 i-Catfish kuya ku-Netflix docudrama, I-Tinder Swindler, izindaba ezingokoqobo zabantu abaphucwa imali yabo yokuphila ngenxa yothando, lezi zingozi sezibhalwe kahle.

Kungaba ubuwula ukucabanga ukuthi into yalolu hlobo ayikwazi noma ngeke yenzeke kuwe. Kungakho kuwukuhlakanipha ukungagxili kakhulu ngokomzwelo kumuntu ohlangane naye ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi esithile naye emhlabeni wangempela. Lapho wenza ukuxhumana ku-inthanethi, khumbula amafulege abomvu axhophayo afana nalawa:

• Imininingwane engacacile noma izimpendulo
• Skena ubukhona be-inthanethi
• Umzamo wokubalekela izingcingo zevidiyo noma ukumisa imihlangano yempilo yangempela
• Ukugcizelela ekuthumeleni imiyalezo yocansi noma ukwabelana ngabanqunu
• Isicelo semali noma izinzuzo zemali

Futhi, akudingi i-catfish noma umkhonyovu wezothando ukuphula inhliziyo yakho. Umuntu othile oqamba amanga mayelana nokubukeka kwakhe, umsebenzi wakhe, isimo sobudlelwane, noma ukufihla imininingwane engemihle ngempilo yakhe njengesehlukaniso esibi noma umkhuba wezidakamizwa kungaba buhlungu ngendlela efanayo. Futhi ngokusho izibalo, U-53% wabantu uvame ukuqamba amanga kumaphrofayela abo okuthandana ku-inthanethi. Ngakho-ke, yenza iphutha ohlangothini lokuqapha ngoba awukwazi ukusho ngokuqinisekile ukuthi ushaywe umfana onamehlo aluhlaza noma umdayisi wezidakamizwa ocashile. 

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4. I-virtual chemistry ayiqinisekisi uxhumano lwempilo yangempela

Inqobo nje uma usezweni elibonakalayo, uyaxoxa futhi uyathokozela Izinsuku ze-FaceTime, ubudlelwano bungazwakala njengawo wonke ama-roses nothingo. Ubona ngeso lengqondo izikhathi zokwenza uthando olungalawuleki nozakwenu oku-inthanethi futhi azikuphoxi nakanye. Nikhuluma kuze kube sebusuku futhi nizwa sengathi anisoze naphelelwa izinto enizozisho komunye nomunye.

Kodwa yonke le milingo ingase ingahumusheki kumakhemikhali angokoqobo. Ukubabona ngokomzimba, ukuhlala phambi kwakho kungenza umehluko. Kuthiwani uma ungakhangi kuzo? Kuthiwani uma lokho kuqabula ngolimi oluningi kungakwenzi lutho kuwe? Asisho ukuthi isiphetho sabo bonke ubudlelwano be-inthanethi kodwa kungenzeka nakanjani. 

5. Konke kungase kuphumelele

Ake sithi usuku lokuqala ngemuva kokuhlangana ku-inthanethi kuhamba kahle futhi umlingani wakho awe kakhudlwana ngemva kokukubona mathupha futhi akushanele ngezimpawu zakhe ezinhle zothando. Kulokhu, ukuxhumana ngokuqinisekile kunesithembiso. Ubudlelwano be-inthanethi buyisitebhisi sokuhlangana isikhathi eside kubabhangqwana abaningi emhlabeni jikelele, futhi ungaba ngomunye wabo. Ubuze, “Ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi?” Sikuphathele izindaba ezinhle. Ungakwazi, ngazo zonke izindlela, ukwakha isibopho esithembekile, sothando nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye.

Ingabe ukuthanda akuwona umuzwa omuhle kakhulu emhlabeni? Futhi siyazi ukuthi ukufanele konke. Uma kuziwa ekuthandeni ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokuhlangana nozakwethu ongase ube khona, singasho ngokuphepha ukuthi yinto engenzeka. Uma uqiniseka ngokuphelele ukuthi lokhu kuyinto yangempela futhi umtholile umaqondana wakho, kufanele uthembele imizwa yakho futhi unikeze lobo buhlobo ithuba elifanelekile. 

Nakuba, kuyisibopho sethu ukukunikeza isheke langempela kanye nohlangothi lwakho lwezothando. Indaba yakho yothando ingase ishintshe ngokuphazima kweso uma umuntu ocashe ngemuva kwechashaza eliluhlaza kuvela ukuthi ungumkhohlisi kwezothando. Sithemba ukuthi uzoqaphela ngokwanele ukuthi ungavuli mayelana nemizwa yakho ejulile, engaphakathi futhi uvumele umkhonyovu we-cyber. 

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