Ungathandana Nothile Ku-inthanethi Ngaphandle Kokuhlangana Naye?

Ungakwazi yini ukuthandana nomuntu ku-inthanethi? Njengoba uzulazula ku-inthanethi ukuphola, lo mbuzo uzofika engqondweni yakho ngesikhathi esithile. Uswayiphela kwesokudla, futhi isiteji sokukhuluma sikugcwalisa ngomuzwa ovuselelwe wokulindela, ukulangazelela, kanye nesasasa. Uzizwa sengathi ubamba imizwa. Kukhona okubambekayo-awukaze uhlangane nomuntu othandana naye.

Kungenzeka yini ukuthandana nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye? Nokho, ukwakha imizwa ngomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye futhi omazi nge-inthanethi kuphela kuyinto evamile enkambweni yokuthandana kwanamuhla. Umqondo abantu abaningi abangashadile abawubheka njengojwayelekile. Eqinisweni, ngokusho kocwaningo , ama-54% abantu baseMelika babheka ubudlelwano be-inthanethi njengobuphumelelayo njengabo obuqala empilweni yangempela.

Umbuzo uwukuthi: ingabe lokho okuzwayo uthando lwangempela noma ukukhangwa/ukuthatheka okungase kuvule indlela yothando oluhlala njalo? Ingabe ukuzizwa uxhumene nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye kuyefana nokuba sothandweni naye? Ijaji liphumile kulokhu. Nakuba kunezindaba eziningi kangaka zabantu abathole 'oyena' ku-inthanethi, kukhona futhi abantu abakholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano be-inthanethi kuphela bungaba namandla othando lwangempela kodwa lolo thando alukwazi ukwakheka ngaphandle uma abantu ababili bendawonye ngokomzimba.  

Ungathandana Nothile Ku-inthanethi?

Impendulo yombuzo ingahluka kakhulu kuye ngokuthi ubuza bani. Thatha isibonelo sikaSusan, uthisha webanga lesibili waseKeansburg, owayengabaza kakhulu ukuqomisana ku-inthanethi. Wabe esexhumana noMike esithangamini somphakathi esiku-inthanethi sabathandi bezinkondlo. Basondelana ngenxa yesithakazelo sabo sobabili, futhi ukuxhumana kwabo ngokomzwelo kwakhula ngokujula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kwakukhona izinsuku uSusan noMike abazichitha cishe ku-FaceTime, behlanganyela yonke ingxenye yempilo yabo.

Ngokushesha, banquma ukuhlangana. Kodwa-ke, uhambo oluya eSan Francisco ukuyochitha impelasonto noMike lwawushintsha ngokuphelele umkhondo wobudlelwano babo be-inthanethi obuyimanje-obuhle kakhulu. USusan waqaphela ukuthi uMike wayenobudlabha kakhulu—egqoka izingubo ezifanayo izinsuku ezintathu, egxisha amabhokisi obisi amadala esiqandisini, elindele ukuthi umthwalo wakhe uzowugcina “noma kuphi”. Konke okuphathelene nendlela yakhe yokuphila kwaba ukucisha okukhulu kuye. Vele nje, kuMike, wazibona engumuntu onamandla kakhulu, onesiphithiphithi kakhulu. Ekupheleni kohambo, ubuhlobo babo base buphelile.  

Nokho, leyo akuyona indlela ubudlelwano be-inthanethi obuhlala buthuthuka ngayo. Umngane wami omkhulu, isibonelo, wahlangana nomyeni wakhe ohlelweni lokusebenza lokuthandana, u-Aisle. Wayehlala e-US ngaleso sikhathi kanti wayeseJalimane. Lapho engitshela ukuthi uzoya eJalimane ukuze amhlangabeze, nganginokungabaza, ngikhathazekile ngaye. Abantu bathandana kanjani bengakaze bahlangane, ngizibuze. Kodwa uhambo lwaba impumelelo enkulu. Bashada ezinyangeni ezizayo ezingu-6, futhi sebeneminyaka engaphezu kwemihlanu beqinile manje.

Ngakho-ke, ungathandana nothile ku-inthanethi? Ngokusekelwe endabeni yomngane wami, ngingathi yebo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kunobufakazi obanele obusekelwe ocwaningweni obusikisela ukuthi umuzwa wokuxhumana nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye unengqondo ngokuphelele. Ngokusho kocwaningo , "ikhono lokuthola abantu abathanda izinto ezifanayo nawe" yilona elenza ubudlelwano ku-inthanethi bube yimpumelelo.

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Ingxoxo ye-Reddit ethi, Ingabe Kungenzeka Ukuthandana Nomuntu Oku-inthanethi?, ingumthombo wezindaba zempumelelo. Omunye umsebenzisi uthi, “Mina no-SO wami sathatha isinyathelo sokholo komunye nomunye. Sahlangana ngomdlalo wevidiyo futhi kwakuyinto engafanele ngoba sobabili sisanda kuphuma ebudlelwaneni ngakho sazama ukungacabangi lutho ngakho ngokungathi sína kwaze kwaba yilapho sikhathele futhi sifuna ngempela ukuba ndawonye.”

Omunye umsebenzisi oshade nomuntu abathandana naye ku-inthanethi uthi,

Ukuzizwa uxhumene nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye: Ongakulindela 

Njengoba ubona, umqondo wokuthandana ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokuhlangana nomuntu awuyona into engenakwenzeka futhi awulona iqiniso kulezi zikhathi esiphila kuzo. Ngokusho kocwaningo , ama-34% abantu baseMelika abasebudlelwaneni obuzinikele bathi bake bahlangana nomlingani wabo/oshade naye ku-inthanethi. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungase kungabi phezulu ohlwini lwezizathu zokuthandana nomuntu wonke. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ithuba lokuxhumana nabantu ku-inthanethi, kungaba ngezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuthandana, izinkundla zokuxhumana, noma ngisho nezinkundla zokuxhumana kanye nemidlalo yabadlali abaningi, kuyandisa ngempela ichibi futhi kwandisa amathuba akho okuthola umuntu ochofoza naye nje.

Njengoba niqala ukwazana futhi nithola izinto enifana ngazo, ningagcina nizizwa nixhumene nomuntu eningakaze nihlangane naye. Kodwa-ke, kungcono ukugcina okulindelweyo kungokoqobo futhi kuhambisane nokuxhumana okujulile komphefumulo . Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzibuza ukuthi, “Ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi?”, noma uqiniseka ukuthi usuthandane futhi wahlangana nomuntu othandana naye ku-inthanethi, kuwukuhlakanipha ukuqaphela la maqiniso alandelayo:

• Nakuba kungafanele uzijabhise ngendlela ozizwa ngayo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi awukakahlangani nomuntu wangempela.
• Kulula ukubeka unyawo lwakho olungcono kakhulu phambili uma uhlanganyela cishe, ukuba ndawonye kuwumdlalo webhola ohluke ngokuphelele.
• Ungase ungabi nalutho mayelana quirks zabo, amaphutha, idiosyncrasies
• Izici ezingokomzimba nezobuntu umuntu aziklamayo noma ozihlanganisa naye zingase ziqhelelene neqiniso
• Ungase uwenze isithixo uze ungawanaki amafulege athile abomvu akugqolozele ebusweni
• Uma uthanda umuntu ku-inthanethi osuka kwelinye izwe, izwekazi, noma isifunda, udinga ukubuza ukuthi ungalugcina yini uthando lwebanga elide uze uthole icebo lokuba ndawonye ngokomzimba.

Amaqiniso Angenakuphikwa Okuthandana Ku-inthanethi

Njengoba ungabona manje, ayikho impendulo elula ka-yebo noma cha embuzweni othi, ungathandana nomuntu ku-inthanethi? Ungakha imizwa yothando bese uqala ukuthandana nomuntu ku-inthanethi . Kodwa leyo mizwa ingase ihumushe noma ingahunyushwa ibe uthando oluhlala njalo olungamelana novivinyo lwesikhathi. Kungcono ukuhamba ngokucophelela futhi ungalahlekelwa umbono weqiniso lokuthi awumazi kahle umuntu wangempela ngemuva kwaleso sikrini.

Lokhu kungasiza kakhulu ekuqedeni ukuphoxeka kanye namathemba afiphele lapho wenza, empeleni, uhlangana nomuntu oye wamthanda futhi uqaphela ukuthi uyasilela enguqulweni yakhe eqondile obuyakhe ekhanda lakho. Le pragmatism ingasho umehluko phakathi kweziqhumane kanye nobuhlungu benhliziyo. Uma uthanda ku-inthanethi, lawa amaqiniso okufanele uzilungiselele:

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1. Ebudlelwaneni obuku-inthanethi, usonqenqemeni lokuthandana

Ungathandana nomuntu othile ku-inthanethi? Mhlawumbe, indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphendula lo mbuzo ukuthi ungase uzithole ususondele ekuthandweni. Futhi uma unenhlanhla encane, lokhu kungaba ukuqala kobudlelwano obuhle. Lokho kusho ukuthi, uma uphupha ngothando oluphelele olungenamaphutha, izinselele zobudlelwano , kanye nezingxabano, uzibeka ethubeni lokudumazeka.

Lezi ziyingxenye yezifundo zanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Okubalulekile ukuthi wena nozakwenu nizulazula kanjani kulezi zikhubekiso. Ningakwazi yini ukukhulumisana ngendlela enempilo, nitholakale ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye, futhi ningathembela kubo ukuba bame eceleni kwenu kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani? Uma kunjalo, izizathu zakho zokuthandana nomuntu ziqinile.

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2. Ibanga lingafaka i-dampener othandweni olusafufusa

Kungenzeka yini ukuthandana nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye? Yebo, impela. Umbuzo uwukuthi, ingabe ukuxhumana okunjalo kunamandla ngokwanele ukusekela uthando olukude ? Lokhu kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu uma uthandana nomuntu oku-inthanethi ovela kwelinye izwe noma kwelinye izwe. Ngaphandle kokuthi unecebo elicacile lokuvala leli gebe noma usuku lokugcina olusezandleni zakho, ukuhamba nobudlelwano obude nomuntu ongamazi kahle emhlabeni wangempela kungaba yinto esabekayo. Bese kuba nokwesaba okuhlobene nokususa impilo yakho yonke ngenxa yomuntu omaziyo kuphela. Konke lokhu kunganciphisa uthando oluqalayo.

Thatha isibonelo sika-Ana, intombazane yeqiniso yaseTexas eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, owamatanisa nensizwa yaseNew York kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana. Okwaqala njengokuphenduka nje okujwayelekile ku-inthanethi kugcine sekubumbeke kwaba ukuxhumana kwangempela kwezinhliziyo ezimbili. Nakuba bengakwazi ukuphika imizwa enamandla, ukuya emuva naphambili amamayela angu-1700 ukugcina uthando luphila kwakungelula. Izingqinamba ezingokoqobo zempilo zabaphazamisa futhi bobabili babona kungcono ukuthi bahlehle, futhi futhi, uthando lwahlangabezana nesiphetho esibuhlungu. 

3. Inetha elibanzi lisho amathuba aphezulu okuhlangana nomuntu onomqondo ofanayo

Abantu bathandana kanjani ku-inthanethi? Uma uke wazibuza lokho, yazi ukuthi uma uhlangana nomuntu obonakala enqunywe indwangu efana neyakho, uzizwe uxhumeke ngokushesha ngisho nomuntu ongamazi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi nangomzamo oqhubekayo, lokhu kungase kuthathelwe indawo imizwa yothando. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kubantu abangenalwazi, abantu abahlukumezekile emphakathini, noma labo abanenkinga yokukhathazeka nokungazethembi.

Uma udlala amakhadi akho kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana, ungase uhlangane nomunye umuntu ongazi lutho, ohleli endlini ojabulela izincwadi nekhofi njengoba nje wenza. Kunenqwaba yezinhlanzi kulolu lwandle olukhulu oluyi-virtual dating. Isithandwa sakho somphefumulo kungenzeka ukuthi sikhona, sixoxa nomunye umuntu njengamanje. Okufanele ukwenze ukubekezela. Uma usuku lufika futhi nobabili ekugcineni niswayipha kwesokudla, uthando luzofika lungqongqoza emnyango wenu. 

4. Uzichaya ezingozini zokuqomisana nge-inthanethi

Ubugebengu bokweba imininingwane ebucayi, ukudoba ngekati, ukukhwabanisa kwezothando, amaphrofayili mbumbulu, kanye nokudlwengula kungenye nje yezingozi eziningi ezihlobene nokuthandana online. Kusukela kudokhumentari ka-2010 i-Catfish kuya kudokhumentari ye-Netflix, i-Tinder Swindler , ukulandisa kwangempela kwabantu abaphucwa imali yabo yokuphila egameni lothando, lezi zingozi manje sezibhalwe kahle.

Kungaba ubuwula ukucabanga ukuthi into yalolu hlobo ayikwazi noma ngeke yenzeke kuwe. Kungakho kuwukuhlakanipha ukungagxili kakhulu ngokomzwelo kumuntu ohlangane naye ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokuchitha isikhathi esithile naye emhlabeni wangempela. Lapho wenza ukuxhumana ku-inthanethi, khumbula amafulege abomvu axhophayo afana nalawa:

• Imininingwane engacacile noma izimpendulo
• Skena ubukhona be-inthanethi
• Umzamo wokubalekela izingcingo zevidiyo noma ukumisa imihlangano yempilo yangempela
• Ukugcizelela ekuthumeleni imiyalezo yocansi noma ukwabelana ngabanqunu
• Isicelo semali noma izinzuzo zemali

Futhi, akudingi i-catfish noma i-fraud fraud ukuze uphule inhliziyo yakho. Umuntu oqamba amanga ngokubukeka kwakhe, umsebenzi wakhe, isimo sakhe sobudlelwano, noma ukufihla imininingwane engathandeki ngempilo yakhe njengesehlukaniso esingcolile noma umkhuba wezidakamizwa kungaba buhlungu ngendlela efanayo. Futhi ngokwezibalo , abantu abangu-53% bavame ukuqamba amanga kumaphrofayili abo okuthandana ku-inthanethi. Ngakho-ke, qaphela ngoba awukwazi ukusho ngokuqinisekile ukuthi ukhangwe yilo mfana onamehlo aluhlaza noma umthengisi wezidakamizwa ozifihlile.

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4. I-virtual chemistry ayiqinisekisi uxhumano lwempilo yangempela

Uma nje usezweni elibonakalayo, uxoxa futhi ujabulela ukuqomisana nge-FaceTime , ubudlelwano bungazwakala njengezimbali nezimbali zothingo. Ucabanga ngemihlangano yothando engapheli nomlingani wakho oku-inthanethi futhi akukho nakanye lapho ikudumaza khona. Ukhuluma kuze kube sebusuku kakhulu futhi uzizwe sengathi awusoze waphelelwa izinto ongazitshela omunye nomunye.

Kodwa yonke le milingo ingase ingahumusheki kumakhemikhali angokoqobo. Ukubabona ngokomzimba, ukuhlala phambi kwakho kungenza umehluko. Kuthiwani uma ungakhangi kuzo? Kuthiwani uma lokho kuqabula ngolimi oluningi kungakwenzi lutho kuwe? Asisho ukuthi isiphetho sabo bonke ubudlelwano be-inthanethi kodwa kungenzeka nakanjani. 

5. Konke kungase kuphumelele

Ake sithi usuku lokuqala ngemva kokuhlangana ku-inthanethi luhamba kahle futhi umlingani wakho uyawa kakhulu ngemva kokukubona ubuso nobuso futhi akukhungathekise ngezenzo zakhe ezinhle nezithandekayo. Uma kunjalo, uxhumano luthembisa ngempela. Ubudlelwano ku-inthanethi bube yisinyathelo esibalulekile sokuhlangana isikhathi eside kwemibhangqwana eminingi emhlabeni jikelele, futhi ungaba ngomunye wabo. Ubuze, “Ungathandana nomuntu oku-inthanethi?” Sinezindaba ezinhle ngawe. Ungakha, ngazo zonke izindlela, isibopho esiqotho nesinothando nomuntu ongakaze uhlangane naye.

Ingabe ukuthandana akuyona yini imizwa emihle kakhulu emhlabeni? Futhi siyazi ukuthi ufanelwe yiyo yonke into. Uma kukhulunywa ngokuthandana online ngaphandle kokuhlangana nomlingani wakho ongaba khona, singasho ngokuphephile ukuthi kungenzeka. Uma uqiniseka ngokuphelele ukuthi lokhu kuyinto yangempela futhi usumtholile umlingani wakho womphefumulo , kufanele uthembele imizwa yakho futhi unike lobo buhlobo ithuba elifanele.

Nakuba, kuyisibopho sethu ukukunikeza isheke langempela kanye nohlangothi lwakho lwezothando. Indaba yakho yothando ingase ishintshe ngokuphazima kweso uma umuntu ocashe ngemuva kwechashaza eliluhlaza kuvela ukuthi ungumkhohlisi kwezothando. Sithemba ukuthi uzoqaphela ngokwanele ukuthi ungavuli mayelana nemizwa yakho ejulile, engaphakathi futhi uvumele umkhonyovu we-cyber. 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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