Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Zokuthatheka Ezikhombisa Ukuthi Awusothandweni

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile • Ukuthatheka kuzwakala kunamandla kodwa kungokwesikhashana, kuyilapho uthando luzolile futhi lwakhiwe ukuze luhlale isikhathi eside. • Amakhemikhali obuchopho abangela ukuthatheka okukhulu: i-dopamine ne-adrenaline kudala ukushesha, kuyilapho ukucwilisa i-serotonin kukhuthaza ukucabanga okungenasisekelo. • Izimpawu ezicacile zokuthatheka ukuhlale ukhathazekile, ukwenza umlingani wakho abe nombono omuhle, ukunganaki izimpawu ezibomvu, kanye nokudinga ukuqinisekiswa njalo. • Ukuthatheka kuvame ukuhlala izinyanga eziyisithupha kuya kweziyishumi nesishiyagalombili, ngezinye izikhathi kuqhubeke kuze kube yiminyaka emibili, ngaphambi kokuba kuphele noma kukhule kube uthando. • Kungaguquka kube uthando lwangempela, kodwa kuphela uma bobabili abantu bekhetha ukwethembeka kunephupho. Lowo mphumela awusoze waqinisekiswa.

Abantu bebelokhu benempikiswano yokuthatheka nothando kusukela kudala ngaphambi kokuba noma ubani abe negama elisho noma yimuphi umuzwa. Bobabili babonakala befana ekuqaleni. Inhliziyo egijimayo, imiyalezo engapheli, ukuqiniseka ukuthi ekugcineni uthole umuntu ongavamile. Kodwa omunye wale mizwa uyanyamalala. Omunye awupheli.

Nansi inguqulo eyodwa: uthando lokuthatheka luyinto yesikhashana, uthando luhlala njalo. Kulesi sihloko, sikusiza ukuthi usho ukuthi umi kuyiphi ngempela. Ukuze sikuqonde kahle lokhu, sixoxe nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana.

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezicacile zokuthatheka ukuthi umuzwa uyanyamalala ngesikhathi sawo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo benza noma yini engalungile. Ukuqaphela leso sibonelo kusenesikhathi kuyimpi enkulu.

Kuyini Ukuthatheka?

Uthando oluthathekile luwukukhanga okukhulu okufika ngokushesha futhi okungapheli isikhathi eside. Konke ngomuntu kuzwakala kuphelele, ukuba khona kwakhe kukhanyisa igumbi, futhi ungase uzizwe sengathi usumtholile lowo phakathi kwamasonto ambalwa uhlangane naye. Uphupha ngekusasa ongakalitholi okwamanje.

Incazelo eyaziwayo evela esithangamini sobudlelwano ku-inthanethi ifingqa umehluko kahle: ukuthandana kusho ukuthi awukwazi ukubona amaphutha omunye umuntu, kanti uthando lusho ukuthi wazi amaphutha akhe ngokugcwele futhi ukhetha ukuhlala.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Uthando Vs Okunamathiselwe: Ingabe Uthando Lwangempela? Ukuqonda Umehluko

Yini Ebangela Ukuthatheka?

Uma uqhubeka uzibuza ukuthi lokho okuzwayo uthando noma ukuthatheka , awuwedwa. Nansi izimpande uNandita abhekisela kuzo kaningi.

1. Ukungazethembi kanye nokuzethemba

Uma umuzwa wakho wokubaluleka uncike ekwamukelweni komunye umuntu, ngisho nokunakwa okuncane kungazwakala kudakisa. Uthando lwabo lugcwalisa okwesikhashana igebe elingahlangene nabo. Izazi zengqondo zibiza lokhu ngokuthi ukunamathela okuqhutshwa ukuqinisekiswa: ukukhanga ukwenza umsebenzi wokuziduduza, hhayi ukuxhumana.

2. Ukuhlukumezeka okudlule noma ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo

Abantu abakhulele bezizwa bengabonakali ngezinye izikhathi baphishekela amandla ngoba afundeka njengobufakazi bokuthi babalulekile. Ukuthatheka kungalingisa ukuphepha ngesifiso sothando, kuqede amanxeba amadala ngomsindo. Lesi esinye sezizathu ezenza abasindile ekulimaleni ngezinye izikhathi baphambanise ukukhathazeka ne-chemistry.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukungazethembi Ebudlelwaneni: Izimbangela, Izimpawu, Indlela Yokubhekana Nakho

3. Isizungu kanye nezidingo ezingokomzwelo ezingahlangatshezwana nazo

Ukuba nesizungu isikhathi eside kungakhulisa impendulo yobuchopho ngesikhathi umuntu omusha ebonisa isithakazelo. Lapho ukungabi nalutho kulandela isikhathi sokuzihlukanisa, i-dopamine ne-oxytocin kuvame ukwanda kakhulu, kukhulisa noma yini osuvele uyizwa.

4. Fantasy kanye idealization

Ingqondo ihlela iqiniso. Sibhala imibhalo yengqondo eguqula ukuncoma kube ukuthatheka buthule, siveze amathemba ethu kumuntu esingamazi kahle ngenkathi singazinaki izingxenye zawo ezingahambisani nendaba.

Ukusabela kwamakhemikhali okwenzeka ebuchosheni bakho kungakwenza uzizwe sengathi uthandana ngokushesha kakhulu , kuyilapho lokho okuzwayo empeleni kuwukuthatheka kunokuba kube yinto yangempela.

I-Neurochemistry nama-hormone ahilelekile

I-Serotonin: Abantu abaqala ukuthanda izinto ngokweqile bavame ukukhombisa i-serotonin enciphile, okucatshangwa ukuthi iyimbangela yemicabango ephindaphindayo neqhubekayo. Ezinye izifundo ziqhathanisa amaphrofayili e-serotonin ezithandwa ngabantu abasha nalabo ababonakala ku-obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I-Dopamine: I-Dopamine iqhuba uhlelo lobuchopho "lokufuna". Ekukhangweni kothando kwasekuqaleni, izindlela ze-dopaminergic zikhanya kakhulu. Ucwaningo olulodwa luthole ukuthi abantu abakhangwa esigabeni sokuqala babonisa ukusebenza ezindaweni ezifanayo zobuchopho ezihlobene nomvuzo kanye nesisusa.

I-Norepinephrine: Ngenxa yokuthi uthando lokuthatheka lunengxenye yangempela yokucindezeleka, i-cortisol nayo ingakhuphuka, okunezela ekuqapheni nasekugxileni ngokweqile.

Luyini uthando?

Uthando luziphatha ngendlela ehlukile, ngokusho kwezimpawu zikaNandita zothando :

• Akupheli ngemva kweminyaka eminingi ndawonye, ​​kuyaphela
• Imikhuba namaphutha omlingani wakho ayeke ukuba yizithiyo kodwa aqale ukuba yizinto ozithandayo
• Kudlula kakhulu indlela umuntu abukeka ngayo

Ithiyori Yothando Kathathu KaRobert Sternberg yesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ihlukanisa imizwa ibe yizingxenye ezintathu: intshisekelo, ukusondelana, kanye nokuzibophezela. Ukuthatheka kugxile cishe ngokuphelele entshisekweni, kanti okuncane kakhulu kwezinye ezimbili. Ubudlelwano obuhlala isikhathi eside buvame ukwakheka bobuthathu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, bakhe lokho uSternberg akubiza ngokuthi uthando oluphelele.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ngithandana Nomngane Wami Omkhulu? Yini Okufanele Ngiyenze?

Umehluko Phakathi Kokuthatheka Nothando

Yomibili imizwa inamandla ngokwanele kangangokuthi kulula ukuphambanisa omunye nomunye, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni. Uma uthambekele, ukukhanga kungazwakala kunamandla kangangokuthi uzitshela ukuthi kumelwe ukuba uthando, ngokwengxenye ngoba ufuna kube njalo.

Umehluko wangempela ulele ekutheni ukukhangana kwakhelwe phezu kwani. Ukuthatheka kuhamba ngendlela efiswayo yomuntu, hhayi ukuthi ungubani ngempela. Ukusebenza ngomehluko phakathi kothando nokuthatheka kuyindlela esheshayo yokwethembeka kuwe mayelana nokuthi uzizwa kanjani.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-6 Zothando Lweqiniso: Funda Lokho Eziyikho

12 Izimpawu Ezicacile Zokuthatheka Ezinephutha Izimpawu Zothando

Ubudlelwano obuningi obungathi sína buqala njengokuthatheka, yingakho ukukhetha ukuthatheka ngaphandle kwento yangempela kungelula njengoba kuzwakala. Umbhali wenoveli uMary Roberts Rinehart wakubeka kahle: uthando lubona ngokucacile futhi luhlala luthanda, kanti ukuthatheka akuboni, futhi kuyafa ngokushesha nje lapho luqala ukubona. Ukuthatheka kufushane futhi kunamandla, kufiphaza ukwahlulela kwakho kuze kube yilapho, ngolunye usuku, umuzwa wothando uphela. Nazi izimpawu ezingu-12 zokuthatheka ezivame ukudidaniswa nothando.

1. Uwabeka phezu kwe-pedestal

Ubakhonza sengathi bangumklomelo othole inhlanhla yokuwuwina. Uthando lwenzeka uma usudlule kulesi sigaba sokuqala sothando lwenjana bese ubuyela phansi ukuze ubone umuntu wangempela, amaphutha afakiwe, bese ukhetha ukuwamukela noma kunjalo. Kuze kube yileso sikhathi, lokho okuzwayo kuseduze nokukhanga okunamandla kunokusondelana kwangempela.

"Nakuba kungase kube mnandi kangakanani, uma ingilazi yokuphelela iphela othandweni oluthathekile, ulahlekelwa yisithakazelo kumuntu cishe ngokushesha njengoba wawukhula ekuqaleni. Ngemva kwalokho, awusoze waphinde umbheke ngokumangala okufanayo."

“UNandita Rambhia, Isazi Sengqondo

2. Awufuni ukumazi umuntu

Wakhe uhlobo lwabo olufanele ekhanda lakho esikhundleni sokufunda ukuthi bangobani ngempela.

• Izingxoxo zakho zigcwele ukuthandana futhi zilula ukuqonda izinto ezibalulekile
• Ukuzwa udonseleka kakhulu kothile ingakukhohlisa ukuthi ukholelwe ukuthi usuvele uyabazi, ngoba usuzigcwalisile izikhala wena ngokwakho
• Uyakugwema ukumba ujule ngoba awufuni ukuphazamisa isithombe esingenaphutha osikhile

Isibonelo: Usukhulume amasonto kodwa awukwazi ukusho ukuthi yimiphi imigomo yabo yangempela yomsebenzi, kodwa uthi “iyamangalisa.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Wazi Kanjani Ukuthi Uyamthanda Umuntu, Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Ezisho Kanjalo

3. Uqala ukwenza ngokuphelelwa yithemba

Yonke imizwa iphakama kakhulu kangangokuthi ufuna ubudlelwano buhambe ngokushesha kunalokho okufanele. Lolu hlobo lokuphelelwa yithemba lubonakala kaningi kwabesifazane nabesilisa abangazethembi ngokufanayo.

"Ukucabanga ukuthi umuntu ucishe aphelele kungenye yezimpawu ezicacile zokuthatheka. Ubona kuphela okuhle bese ulahla noma yini embi ngoba ukunconywa kukhulu kakhulu. Lokho kuzimisela kwenza abantu baswele, cishe kuze kube seqophelweni lokuzimisela ukwenzela omunye umuntu noma yini."

“UNandita Rambhia, Isazi Sengqondo

Othandweni, nithatha isinyathelo ngasinye. Akukho ukushesha ngoba senivele nazi ukuthi nisendawonye.

4. Ukudlala ngothando ngokweqile kungolunye lwezimpawu zokuthatheka

Izingxoxo zakho azifaneki neze nezingxoxo ngoba zakhelwe ngokuphelele ekuthandeni abanye.

• Yonke ingxoxo iwukuncoma nokuhleka okuphindaphindiwe ngoba yilokho kuphela okufanele kukhulunywe ngakho njengamanje.
• Othandweni, uthola uthando ngisho nasezingxoxweni eziyisicefe. Ungakhuluma ngokuwasha izingubo kodwa ucabange ukuthi, “Ngiyamthanda ngempela lo muntu.”

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuthandana okunempilo ebudlelwaneni, kuze kufike ezingeni elithile. Zibuze ukuthi kwenzekani lapho indaba iphenduka into evamile, njengomkhuba wakho wansuku zonke. Uma nobabili kini ningenakho ongakusho uma ukuthandana kuphela, lokho kuyisibonakaliso sokuthatheka kunokuba uthando.

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5. Konke kuhamba ngokushesha

Uzizwa uphuthuma, ungakwazi ukulinda ukuthatha izinto uye ezingeni elilandelayo. I-Dopamine iyingxenye yesizathu: ikuvimbela ekucabangeni ngobuqotho ukuthi lo muntu ungumuntu ofanelana naye ngempela, ngoba ukwehlisa ijubane kungasho ukuvuma ukuthi akayena umuntu ofanele wena.

Isibonelo: Nixoxa ngokuhlala ndawonye ngemva kwamasonto ayisithupha, ngaphambi kokuba nihlangane nabangani bomunye nomunye.

6. Ukungenzi njengawe kuwuphawu lokuthatheka

"Uma uthanda umuntu, ufuna ukumjabulisa nganoma iyiphi indlela edingekayo. Uyeka ukuziphatha njengomuntu ojwayelekile bese uqala ukwenza uhlobo lwakho olucabanga ukuthi bazoluthanda."

“UNandita Rambhia, Isazi Sengqondo

Lokhu kungasebenza isikhashana, kodwa akukaze kuqhubeke isikhathi eside. Uma uhlala ukhathazekile ngokuthi ukukhombisa ubuwena bakho bangempela kuzoqeda izinto, lokho kuyisibonakaliso sokuthatheka. Kukugcina ukhathazekile, ulungiselela isikhathi lapho behlangana nawe wangempela bese behamba.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-5 Zokwethembeka Kuwe Kuzokusiza Uqonde Ubuhlobo Bakho Kangcono

7. Inkanuko ihlula eminye imizwa

Esinye sezimpawu zokuthatheka ezisobala kakhulu kumfana noma entombazaneni ukukhathalela kakhulu ucansi kunomuntu. Zibuze ukuthi ufunani ngempela uma ubona umlingani wakho. Ukugona isikhathi eside, noma okunye? Ingabe ukucindezeleka ngokocansi kuyinto eyinhloko egcina ubudlelwano buthakazelisa?

Ukuthatheka kuvame ukukwenza udonseleke kakhulu kumuntu ngokomzimba kunokuchitha isikhathi esingahlelekile naye. Uma ucansi luwukuphela kwento enifuna ukuyenza ndawonye, ​​lokho kuwuphawu lokuthatheka okufanele ukunakwe.

Isibonelo: Ungathanda ukuhlala endlini kunokuya ocansini olungenankinga, ngoba usuku aluqinisekisi ingxenye yomzimba.

8. Ufuna yonke into iphelele emhlabeni wakho

Wakhe ubuhlobo ekhanda lakho obungenamaphutha, ukungavumelani, kanye nezinkinga zokuhambisana, futhi uzimisele ukunganaki noma yini esongela lowo mcabango. Lokhu kukuvimbela ekuqapheleni izimpawu ezibomvu zangempela zomlingani wakho ngesikhathi ukuze uzivikele.

9. Uqala ukuphelelwa isithakazelo

Akukapheli isikhathi eside, futhi usuvele unesithukuthezi.

• Izinto owawuzithanda ngazo azisenawo umuzwa okhethekile
• Amabhabhathane aphelile
• Uzibona uphuma

Okwamanje, umlingani wakho angase akhululeke kakhudlwana futhi aze athandane nawe , evula indlela ngezindlela ezazikujabulisa kakhulu futhi manje ezizwakala zivamile. Lokho kungafani kuyisibonakaliso esinamandla sokuthandana nawe kunokuba kube uthando.

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10. Uqala ukuzizwa uwedwa

Njengoba inhlansi yokuqala iphela, ubona igebe lapho kufanele kube khona ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kunganaki kungenye yezimpawu ezithule zokuthatheka.

• Abazizwa sengathi bayindawo ephephile, futhi nawe awuyena umuntu obathandayo
• Uzizwa unesizungu ngaphakathi kobudlelwano okufanele bube okuphambene nesizungu
• Awukwazi ukuncika kubo ngezikhathi ezinzima, ngoba bekungakaze kube nokuqonda kwangempela ngaphansi kokukhanga

11. Wenza noma yini abathi yenze

Kunjengokungathi ukwahlulela kwakho sekuphelile ngokuphelele, futhi lokho kukodwa kufanele kukutshele okuthile.

• Uyakugwema ukubadumaza cishe nganoma iyiphi indlela, wenza noma yini abayicelayo
• Ukugxila kwakho kuncipha emgomweni owodwa: ukubahlaba umxhwele nokugcina intshisekelo yabo
• Uma behlukumeza, belawula, noma benganaki, akubonakali ngoba uzimisele kakhulu ukuqaphela ubuhlobo amafulegi abomvu phambi kwakho

12. Uyakhohlisa

Yisho ngokucacile: okuzwakala sengathi uthando kungaba ukukhangwa okukhulu okunenkanuko ebekwe phezulu. Awucabangi kahle, futhi ingxenye yakho iyakwazi lokho. Ukuthatheka kuqhubeka kukudonsela ngokujulile emcabangweni ngempilo ephelele nomuntu ongekho nhlobo, ngaphandle kwekhanda lakho.

"Isikhathi esifushane, umuntu uba yisisulu sokubona ukuphelela komunye umuntu. Bafuna ukuthi iphupho liqhubeke, ngakho-ke bayakugwema ukubheka izinto ezivamile, ezivamile, ngisho neziyingozi."

“UNandita Rambhia, Isazi Sengqondo

Ukucwasa kwengqondo ngemuva kokwenza izinto zibe ngcono

• Ukucabanga okuphazamisayo: Umuntu omthandayo uthatha ingxenye enkulu yesikhala sakho sengqondo, ngokuvamile okubangela ukugxila emsebenzini noma ebuhlotsheni obunye.
• Ukunaka okukhethekile: Ubona kuphela izici zabo ezikhangayo bese ufunda ukuziphatha okungaqondakali ngendlela enhle kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka
• Ukuqagela: Ubanika izimfanelo nezifiso ezingezakho ngempela, bese uwela enguqulweni oyakhile.
• I-Positivity bias: Ukhumbula izikhathi ezinhle ngokuningiliziwe futhi uvumele ezimbi zifiphale

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Ayeke Ngokungazelelwe Ukukuxosha, Ngisho Nalapho Ubufuna Ukuthi Akuxoshe

Izimpawu Ezi-7 Zokuthi Usothandweni, Hhayi Ukuthatheka Nje

Uma uhlu olungenhla luzwakala lujwayelekile, lolu olulandelayo luyingxenye yesibili yempendulo. Lena ngempela ingxenye engagculisi kakhulu ezihlokweni zokuthandana: into yangempela ibukeka kanjani ngempela, eceleni kwaleyo engelona iqiniso? Nansi indlela yokwazi ukuthi uthandana yini , ngokusekelwe kumaphethini ahlala isikhathi eside uma ukushesha kokuqala sekuphelile.

1. Uzizwa uzolile, hhayi nje ujabule

Uthando luyashisa. Uthando luyaqhubeka. Usazizwa unesithukuthezi, kodwa aluhambi nokukhathazeka okungapheli ngokuthi umi kuphi.

Isibonelo: Awuthuki uma bethatha amahora ambalwa ukuphendula imiyalezo, ngoba uthemba ukuthi ubudlelwano abusekelwe empendulweni eyodwa.

2. Uyawazi amaphutha abo futhi usasebenza

Ubabonile besesimweni esibi kakhulu, bekhathele, bengenangqondo, noma besesimweni esibi, futhi akukho nokukodwa okushintshile indlela ozizwa ngayo.

Isibonelo: Uyazi ukuthi bashiya izitsha esinkini izinsuku eziningi, futhi kuyakucasula kancane, kodwa akulona iphutha.

3. Ufuna benze kahle, ngisho noma ungekho

Impumelelo yabo ayikusongeli. Uyajabula uma bewina, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumuntu ofanele lokho noma cha.

Isibonelo: Ujabula kakhulu lapho bethola ukukhushulwa okusho amahora amaningi nesikhathi esincane nawe.

4. Izikhathi ezivamile zizwakala zilungile

Ungakhuluma ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, izikweletu, noma ungakhulumi lutho nhlobo kodwa usazizwa uxhumene, ngoba izidingo ezingokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni ziyahlangatshezwa ngale kwezinto eziphezulu.

5. Ucabanga ngekusasa langempela, hhayi nje usuku olulandelayo

Ukhuluma ngonyaka ozayo, hhayi ngempelasonto ezayo kuphela. Uthando lubheka ngale kwesikhathi. Ukuthatheka akuvamile ukudlula kule mpelasonto.

Isibonelo: Uxoxe ngokuthi ungathanda ukuhlala kuphi eminyakeni emihlanu ezayo, futhi akuzange kuzwakale njengengxoxo enkulu neyesabisayo.

6. Ukungqubuzana akukwenzi ubaleke

Ukungezwani kuyenzeka bese usebenza ngakho esikhundleni sokukhula noma ukuhoxa. Uthando luhlala luqinile lapho izinto zingaphelele.

7. Ungaba qotho ngokuthi ungubani

Awuzenzi uhlobo lwakho ukuze ugcine isithakazelo sabo. Ungakhathala, ungahlekisi, noma ube nesimo sengqondo esibi phakathi kwabo ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuthi kuzokulahlekisela ubuhlobo.

Isibonelo: Ufikile ukuzobabona bengenazo izimonyo futhi bengenazo izinkinga zekhanda, futhi lokho akuzange kushintshe lutho phakathi kwenu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Zangempela Ezingu-20 Zothando Lweqiniso Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuthatheka vs Uthando: Ukuqhathanisa Okuseceleni

Uma zibonakala eduze, izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando nokukhanga zihlukana ngendlela eqondakala kalula. Nansi inguqulo emfushane.

Ukuthatheka Kuthatha Isikhathi Eside Kangakanani?

Ukuthatheka kuzwakala kungapheli ngenkathi ukukho, kodwa ucwaningo luxoxa indaba ehlukile. Ngokwezifundo eziningi , ukuthatheka kuvame ukuhlala phakathi kwezinyanga eziyi-6 neziyi-18, ngezinye izikhathi kuqhubeke kuze kube yiminyaka emibili.

Lapho lifiphala

Njengoba izinto ezintsha ziphela futhi kuvela amaphethini angempela, umsebenzi we-dopamine uyehla. Izinga eliphezulu liyaphuma noma liyanyamalala. Lokhu akusikho ukwehluleka kodwa i-biology iyashintsha isuke endleleni yokufuna iye ekulinganeni.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Isigaba Sokushada Kwesithandwa Sihlala Isikhathi Eside Kangakanani?

Lapho iphenduka othandweni

Uma ubuthakathaka obubili, ukwethembana, kanye nokusekelana okuqhubekayo kwakheka phakathi nalesi sikhathi, uthando lokuthatheka lungahlala luyinto ehlala isikhathi eside. Lokho kuvame ukwenzeka lapho bobabili abantu bebonisa kancane kancane ububona babo bangempela, besingatha ingxabano ngokuxhumana esikhundleni sokwesaba, futhi behlangabezana nezidingo zomunye nomunye ngokuthembana kunokuba bajabule.

"Ukuthatheka ngokuvamile kuhlala isikhathi esifushane, kodwa kungahlala noma kuphi kusukela enyangeni eyodwa kuya eminyakeni emithathu, ngisho nasebudlelwaneni obude. Kwenzeka uma ungakamazi kahle umuntu, ngakho-ke uthathwa uhlangothi olulodwa lwakhe olwaziyo. Uma senichitha isikhathi esiningi ndawonye futhi nibona ezinye izici zobuntu bakhe, ukuthatheka kuyaphela kancane kancane."

“UNandita Rambhia, Isazi Sengqondo

Ukuthatheka vs ukucasuka: Ingabe kuyafana?

Ziyahambisana kodwa azifani. Igama elithi limerence lisho ukugxila othandweni okungahleliwe, okuvame ukuba nohlangothi olulodwa, okungaholela ekuhloleni izinkundla zokuxhumana zomuntu ngokuqhubekayo noma ekufundeni incazelo kuwo wonke umbhalo. Ukuthatheka kuyinto ebanzi, evame kakhulu; i-limerence ichaza umkhawulo wayo owedlulele, ophazamisayo. Uma ukukhathazeka kuqala ukuphazamisa ukulala, umsebenzi, noma obunye ubudlelwano, kufanelekile ukufunda ngendlela yokuyeka ukuthanda umuntu , ngoba lokho kusuka ekuthathekeni kuya entweni edinga ukuphathwa ngamabomu.

Ukuguqula ukuthatheka kube ukuxhumana okujulile

1.  Faka ilukuluku esikhundleni sephupho. Buza imibuzo yangempela esikhundleni semibuzo enengqondo obulokhu uyibuza ekhanda lakho
2.  Yakha ukuphepha ngokomzwelo. Yabelana ngalokho okukukhathazayo ngempela, futhi ulalele ngaphandle kokwahlulela lapho benza okufanayo
3.  Linganisa ubuntu kanye nokusondelana. Uthando luyakhula lapho abantu ababili bephelele beqhubeka bekhethana, hhayi lapho umuntu oyedwa egcwalisa isikhala komunye
4.  Iba nesineke. Ukuxhumana kwangempela kwakhiwe ngesikhathi, izingxabano, kanye nokwethembana, hhayi injabulo eqhubekayo

Ingabe Ukuthatheka, Uthando, Noma Inkanuko?

Lezi ezintathu ziyahlangana ngoba zingabonakala ngesikhathi esisodwa. Inkanuko imayelana nokufisa okungokwenyama. Ukuthatheka kwenezela imicabango kanye nombono omuhle ngaphezu kwalokho kufisa. Uthando lwenezela ukwethembana, ukwamukelwa, kanye nesikhathi.

Indlela ewusizo yokuzihlola: susa ukukhanga ngokomzimba okwesikhashana. Ingabe kusekhona okuthile lapho? Uyabathanda yini labo bantu uma kungekho lutho lothando olwenzekayo, noma uma kwenzeka kuphela? Ukusebenza ngomehluko phakathi kwenkanuko nothando kungasiza ekuhlukaniseni lokho okuyibhayoloji nalokho okuyisibopho sangempela.

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Izingozi Nezingibe Zokuthatheka Okungagadiwe

Ukuthatheka kungaba mnandi ngempela, kodwa uma kungahlolwanga, kuyabiza. Nakhu lapho kuvame ukungahambi kahle khona.

1. Ukucabanga ngokweqile

Ukuthatheka kusebenzisa uhlelo lomvuzo lobuchopho ngendlela efana nokulutha. I-Dopamine iyanda uma ulindele ukuthintana, kanti i-cortisol iyanda uma ungezwa lutho kubo, okugcina i-loop isebenza futhi ingakushiya ungazinzile ngokomzwelo.

Ivela kanjani

• Uphinda izingxoxo, ufuna incazelo efihliwe egameni noma ku-emoji
• Uvuselela izinkundla zabo zokuxhumana ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuze uhlole ukuthi bawubonile yini umlayezo wakho
• Imicabango yabo iyaphazamisa ngesikhathi somsebenzi, ukudla, noma ukulala
• Uzizwa ukhululekile isikhashana ngemva kokunaka kwabo, kulandele ukulangazelela lapho beyeka.
• Uzithola uhlela ikusasa ndawonye naphezu kokuba ungazi kahle.

Kungani kwenzeka

I-Dopamine ivutha ngenxa yokulindela, hhayi ukwaneliseka, ngakho-ke lapho umuntu engaqiniseki noma engatholakali, kulapho ukujaha kuba umlutha khona.

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2. Ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo

Ukuthatheka kuzwakala kujabulisa kakhulu lapho kuphezulu futhi kungabekezeleleki lapho kwehla, kushintshashintsha phakathi kokuphakama kwe-dopamine nokwehla okubangelwa yi-cortisol.

Amaphethini wemizwa ajwayelekile

• Injabulo lapho bethumela imiyalezo noma khombisa uthando.
• Ukukhathazeka lapho bethula, okubangela ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa.
• Ukuzibona sengathi uyaziqhenya futhi uyaziqhenya.
• Inhliziyo egijimayo, ukulahlekelwa yisifiso sokudla, kanye nenkinga yokulala.
• Ukungaqondani okuncane okuzwakala kuyinhlekelele.

3. Ukuziba amafulege abomvu

Ukuthatheka kufihla ukwahlulela ngokumenza umuntu abe nombono omuhle esikhundleni sokumbona ngokucacile. Ukuvikela iphupho kubaluleke kakhulu kunokubhekana namaqiniso, ngakho izimpawu zesixwayiso ziyancishiswa noma zichazwe kalula.

Ukuchithwa kwefulegi elibomvu okuvamile

• Ukuphika ukungahambisani: Ukuzitshela ukuthi “sihlukile nje” esikhundleni sokubiza ukungqubuzana kwangempela kwezindinganiso
• Ukuguguleka komngcele: Ukubekezelela ukungahloniphi noma ukungatholakali ngokomzwelo ukugcina uxhumano luphila
• Ukunaka okukhethekile: Ukugxila kumakhemikhali, ukunganaki ukungazinzi
• Ukubeka izaba: Ukusola ukuziphatha okubi ngenxa yokucindezeleka noma "usuku olubi" njalo
• Ukuziba intuition: Ukuchitha umuzwa wokuthula wokungakhululeki njengokucabanga ngokweqile

Umsuka ongokwengqondo

Lokhu kuvela ekucabangeni kokwenza izinto zibe ngcono. Ubuchopho bakho buhlunga ulwazi ukuze buvikele iphupho, bubeka phambili umvuzo kunokufunda isimo ngendlela enembile.

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4. Ukuzinikela okungenampilo

Lapho uthando lokuthatheka luqala, umuzwa wakho wokulinganisela kanye nobuntu uqala ukuwohloka. Ukuhlala useduze nalo muntu kuba kubaluleke kakhulu kunemingcele yakho.

Imihlatshelo yokuziphatha evamile

• Ukunganaki izinto zokuzilibazisa: Ukushiya imisebenzi owawuyithanda ukuze uhlale utholakala
• Ukuhoxiswa komphakathi: Ukubona abangane abambalwa abangase bangabaze ukuqina kwaleso simo
• Ukwehla kokugxila: Ukulahlekelwa umkhiqizo ngoba ukunaka kwakho kukwenye indawo
• Ukuzishaya indiva: Ukuphazamiseka kokudla nokulala ukuze kuhlangatshezwane nesimiso sabo
• Ukunwetshwa ngokweqile: Ukuphana ngokweqile noma ukuhlela kabusha impilo yakho ngenzuzo encane kakhulu

Umphumela wesikhathi eside

Lapho uthando lokuthatheka luphela, abantu bavame ukusala bezizwa bengenalutho noma becasukile, beqaphela ukuthi batshale imali enkohlisweni hhayi ekukhuleni kwabo bobabili.

Indlela Yokunqoba Ukuthatheka Ngendlela Enempilo

Ukuxilonga ukuthatheka kuwusizo kuphela uma wazi ukuthi wenzeni ngakho, ikakhulukazi lapho imizwa ingahambi kahle noma ingabuyiselwa.

1.  Yiqambe ngokuthi iyini. Uma usukwazi ukuthi “lokhu kuwukuthatheka, hhayi uthando,” inkungu iqala ukuphakama. Uma usuqonda indlela yokudlula ukuthatheka isinyathelo ngesinyathelo, lokhu kuvuma yilapho kuqala khona
2. Sika iluphu yokuqinisa. Nciphisa ukuthumela imiyalezo, uthulise izinkundla zabo zokuxhumana, futhi uyeke ukuhlola izibuyekezo. Konke ukuxhumana kusetha kabusha umjikelezo wokulangazelela
3.  Yenza abantu babe ngabantu ngamabomu. Bhala ngenkuthalo izici zabo ezingathokozisi kangako ukuze ulinganisele uhlobo olufanele ekhanda lakho. Kuzwakala kuyinto encane, kodwa kuyasebenza
4. Gcwalisa isikhala ngenye into. Ukuzilibazisa, ikilasi, noma isikhathi nabangani kukunikeza ukunaka kwenye indawo ongaya kuyo esikhundleni sokubuyela kubo. Uma lokhu kwaqala njengomsebenzi ukuthandwa ozama ukukunqoba, isu elifanayo lokuphazamisa liyasebenza
5. Uma kuhlangothi olulodwa, kusho lokho ngokuzwakalayo. Ukuqamba igama elithi uthando olungathandeki ngoba lokho okuyikho, kunokuba kuthembe ukuthi kuzoshintsha, kuvame ukusheshisa ukuphulukiswa
6. Zinike isikhathi futhi ungasheshi ukuphela. Imizwa enamandla kangaka ayishintshi ngobusuku obubodwa. Uma udinga isakhiwo esengeziwe, thola umhlahlandlela omude ku- indlela yokuyeka ukuchoboza umuntu kungakusiza ukwakha uhlelo lwesonto nesonto

Uma uthando belungaphakathi kobudlelwano bangempela obuqhubeka, inqubo ibukeka ihlukile futhi ihamba kancane. Ukuyeka ukuthandana nomuntu owakhe impilo naye kudinga ukuphumula ngamabomu kunokuba kudlule ukuthandwa.

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Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Ukuthatheka nothando kungazwakala kufana kakhulu ngenkathi ungaphakathi kwanoma yikuphi. Uthando lwakhiwe ukuze luhlale isikhathi eside, ukuthatheka akuhlali njalo, futhi ukushesha ngokomzimba kwesibili kuvame ukuphambaniswa nokujula kokuqala. Uma usuzazi izimpawu zangempela zokuthatheka, kusukela ekwakheni isisekelo kuya ekuhloleni ngokweqile kuya ekwesabeni ukukhombisa ubuwena bakho bangempela, kuba lula kakhulu ukubiza lokho okuzwayo ngokwethembeka. Ukuthatheka kungaphenduka uthando. Akuqinisekisiwe ukuthi kuzokwenzeka, futhi akufanele wakhe amathemba akho ngokucabangela ukuthi kuzokwenzeka.

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Izinhlobo ezi-8 Zokuthandana Ebudlelwaneni

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.