Izinselelo Eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Cishe Wonke Umuntu Kufanele Abhekane Nazo - Ngezixazululo

Ngesinye isikhathi, sonke siye saphupha ngokuthi ubuhlobo bethu obuhle bungaba njani. Ukuthola leyo nsizwa noma intombazane ephelele ezokwenza ukuphila kukhanye kakhulu futhi kugcwale injabulo, nokungena ohambweni lwenjabulo phakade. Kodwa-ke, uma upenda lesi sithombe esiyiphupho, abantu abaningi bayakhohlwa ukufakazela izinselele zobudlelwane eziza nendawo.

Ngisho noma uthola umlingani wakho wamaphupho, oyikho konke obukuthembile nokunye okwengeziwe, kusele kancane ukuthi uqale ukuqaphela izinto ezikukhathazayo ngaye. Mhlawumbe abazibeki izitsha lapho usuqedile ukudla, noma mhlawumbe banenkinga yokungaqapheli futhi babonise ubuthakathaka babo. Lezi zinhlobo zezimo zinendlela yokushintsha zibe izinselelo zobudlelwane kwabashadile.

Kunokuba ulinde kuze kwehle esinye isicathulo, kungcono uzilungiselele ukunqoba izinselele zobudlelwane. Ngoba bazofika, futhi uma uhlala uphika ngesiphithiphithi epharadesi lakho lothando, izinto zingaphuma esandleni. Ngakho-ke, ngemininingwane evela kumqeqeshi wangaphambi komshado kanye nokuphola Geetarsh Kaur, umsunguli we-The Skill School egxile ekwakheni ubudlelwano obuqinile, ake sibheke ezinye zezinselele zobudlelwane ezivame kakhulu abantu ababhekana nazo nokuthi bangabhekana kanjani nazo.

Yiziphi Izinselele Ebudlelwaneni?

Ngaphambi kokuthi ufunde ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nezinselele zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokuzivumela ukuthi zithinte ibhondi yakho, kubalulekile ukuchaza ukuthi yiziphi izinselelo ezihlanganisa ubudlelwano. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu njengokuchaza ubudlelwano uqobo, uma kungenjalo. Njengoba wonke umbhangqwana uhlukile, izinselele ababhekana nazo endleleni nazo zingahlukahluka futhi zihluke.

Nakuba kungenakuphikwa ukuthi bonke ubudlelwano budinga umsebenzi omningi futhi bufika nesethi yabo yezithiyo nezithiyo, imvelo yezinselelo zobudlelwane obudala nezintsha zingahluka kakhulu, kuye ngokuthi abantu ababili abakulobo budlelwano bacabangani njengenselele. Kwabanye, ukungakwazi ukuveza imicabango yabo kahle noma ukuxhumana ngokuphumelelayo kungaba enye yezinselele ezinkulu zobudlelwane. Kwabanye, ukudweba izinga 'thina' isikhathi kungaba yingxabano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Izinselele ebudlelwaneni zinganqunywa futhi yizimo zakho, isiko, indlela okhuliswe ngayo, izindinganiso kanye nemigomo yakho. Isibonelo, izinselele zobudlelwane bebanga elide zingahluka kakhulu kulezo zabashadile abahlala ndawonye. Izinselelo zobudlelwano phakathi ne-COVID - ezazisukela ekungatholini indawo eyanele yomuntu siqu kuye ekukhathaleni okuwubhubhane okuholela ezimpini ezivamile nezingxabano, futhi ezimeni ezimbi kakhulu, ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa - ziwubufakazi bokuthi izimo zethu zidlala indima ekulawuleni impilo yobudlelwano.

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Ngokufanayo, izinselele zobuhlobo ngemva kwengane zingahluka ngokuphawulekayo kulezo umbhangqwana osanda kunquma ukungakhethi. Okubalulekile ukuthi incazelo yezinselelo ebudlelwaneni iyashintsha futhi iguquke, kuye ngokuthi ukusiphi isigaba sempilo, ungubani njengomuntu nokuthi ungubani ngesikhathi sobudlelwane, nokuthi yini oyifunayo kubo.

Phakathi kwakho konke lokhu okuguquguqukayo, okuwukuphela kwento engaguquki ukuthi izinselelo zobudlelwano zikhona ngaso sonke isikhathi. Awukwazi ukubafisela kude noma ungabanaki, ngethemba lokuthi bazoshabalala. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokubhekana nazo ukuguqula isu lokunqoba izinselele zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokuzivumela ukuthi zilimaze isibopho sakho.

Izimbangela Ezivamile Zezinkinga Zobudlelwano

Noma iyiphi inkinga noma umehluko phakathi kombhangqwana oholela ezingxabano, ukulwa, ukungezwani, nobutha kungaba yimbangela yezinkinga zobudlelwano. Njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, izinkinga ezithile zingahluka kuye ngenqwaba yezinto, nokho, izinkinga eziningi zobudlelwano ziwuphawu lwezimiso eziyisisekelo zobambiswano olunempilo oluntula kuzibalo zabashadile noma ukungasebenzi kahle.

Kuze kube yilapho lokhu kushiyeka kwesisekelo kulungisiwe, alikho inani lamathiphu okuxazulula izinkinga zobudlelwano ezingakusiza ukuthi uqede ukungajabulisi futhi wakhe isibopho esinokulinganisela, esivumelanayo nomunye wakho obalulekile. Kungakho kubalulekile ukuklwebha indawo engaphezulu futhi uhlonze umsuka wezinkinga zakho ukuze uvimbele ibhondi yakho ukuthi yonakale ibe isibopho. ubudlelwane obunobuthi. Ake sibheke izimbangela ezivame kakhulu zezinkinga zobudlelwano okudingeka uziqaphele:

1. Ukungakhulumisani kahle kudala izinkinga eziningi zobudlelwane

Izinkinga eziningi zokukhulumisana zibangelwa ukukhulumisana okungekuhle noma okungasebenzi phakathi kombhangqwana. Uma ukuxhumana kwakho kuwumsebenzi nje - uxoxa ngezokuthutha, izikweletu, nezinye izinto ezibalulekile zansuku zonke kodwa ungalokothi ube nenhliziyo nenhliziyo - noma ugwema ukungqubuzana ngezinga lokuthi ungenza noma yini ukuze ungaqalisi ingxabano nophathina wakho noma okuphambene nalokho, obhekene naye izimpawu zokukhulumisana okubi ebudlelwaneni.

Lokhu kungase kubangele inqwaba yokungaqondi. Lapho umbhangqwana ungakwazi ukukhulumisana ngokuphumelelayo, ngisho nezinto ezincane kakhulu zingabangela izinkinga ebuhlotsheni. Ngenxa yokuthi umlingani wakho awukuzwa futhi awukuzwisisi, noma yini nakho konke abakushoyo kungase kukwenze uhlukane nawe. Njengoba indlela yokuxoxa ngemizwa yakho ngaphandle kokubangela ukungqubuzana isivele ingekho, konke ukungaqondi kahle okuncane kungase kube nengxenye ekwakhiweni kokucasuka, ngaleyo ndlela kusongela ikusasa lobuhlobo.

2. Ukungathembeki kungaba yimbangela evamile yokungezwani ebudlelwaneni

Izinkinga zokwethembana zingase zibe yimbangela evamile yezinkinga phakathi kwabashadile futhi zingesinye sezizathu ezenza ubudlelwano buphele. Izimbangela zezinkinga zokwethembana zingasukela ekuqambeni amanga nokungathembeki kuye emoneni, ukuba nezinto, kanye nozakwethu oyedwa ogadwe kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zisuka kuphi, uma izinkinga zokwethenjwa sezibambekile, uqala ukungabaza yonke into eshiwo noma ayenzayo umlingani wakho noma okuphambene nalokho.

Lapho usola kakhulu futhi ubuza umlingani wakho, yilapho angase azizwe ecindezeleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Noma uma umsuka wezinkinga zokwethenjwa ungakanqunywa, izenzo zozakwethu zingadala ukwesaba nokungazethembi kulowo osevele elwa ukungathembeki ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kungakwenza nihlukane, kushiye isikhala senqwaba yezinye izinselele zobudlelwane kumakhowe.

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3. Izitayela zokunamathisela ezihlukene

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umthanda kangakanani umlingani wakho futhi uyakuthanda, ubudlelwano bungaba isizinda sokungqubuzana nokungezwani uma izitayela zakho zokunamathisela zingahambelani. Ngokwesibonelo, uma nobabili nine- isitayela sokunamathisela esingavikelekile kodwa omunye umlingani uyagwema futhi omunye ambivalent, isidingo somlingani oyedwa isikhala kanye nebanga kanye nokunamathela omunye nesidingo kungase kuqalise umjikelezo wokuziphakela izinselele.

Izinkinga eziningi zobudlelwane, esimweni esinjalo, ziwumphumela womdanso oshisayo nobandayo phakathi kwabalingani ababili, okubonakala sengathi awupheli. Ekugcineni, bobabili abalingani bangase bazithole besesikhathini sokukhathala ngokomzwelo lapho ukuba ndawonye kubonakala kuyinto enzima kakhulu ukuyenza.

4. Ukuntuleka kokusondelana ebudlelwaneni

Okuhlukile amafomu okusondelana ebudlelwaneni kufana nezintambo ezihlanganisa umbhangqwana. Ngaphandle kwabo, umbhangqwana awukwazi ukusekela ukusondelana okudingekayo ukuze kugcinwe ubuhlobo obunempilo kanye nokubhekana nezinkinga ezihlukahlukene endleleni. Isibonelo, uma ukusondelana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni kuncipha, abalingani bangase bathole ukucwiliswa okuqhubekayo emazingeni abo e-oxytocin, eyaziwa nangokuthi i-hormone yothando edala imizwa yenjabulo futhi esiza ukulwa nengcindezi.

Lokhu kungabuye kubonakale kweminye imikhakha yempilo yabo, okuhlanganisa indlela abaxhumana ngayo bodwa kanye nokusingatha izindaba zabo. Lesi ngesinye sezimbangela ezivame kakhulu zezinselelo zobudlelwane ngemva komntwana. Ngokunjalo, ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzwelo noma ngokobuhlakani kungase kubangele izinselele zobudlelwano obusha, njengoba abalingani ababili bezabalaza ukuvumelanisa izidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo, baveze izifiso zabo, futhi bathole ukuthi yini umuntu ngamunye ayidingayo ukuze aphumelele esilinganisweni sothando.

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5. Ukungahloniphi kuphakathi kwezizathu ezenza ubudlelwano buphele

Uma ukukhangwa nothando kuletha abantu ababili, inhlonipho ibagcina benjalo. Ukuhloniphana kungenye yezimiso eziyisisekelo zobudlelwano obunempilo, obanelisayo nobuyimpumelelo. Uma ingekho, kuba nzima ngemibhangqwana ukusheshisa ukungezwani kwayo futhi ixazulule izinkinga eziyisisekelo. A ukuntula inhlonipho ngokuvamile kuholela ekwedelweni, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esidumile uDkt. John Gottman esichaza njengomunye wabagibeli bamahhashi abane abasho inhlekelele ebuhlotsheni.

Uma ungamhloniphi umlingani wakho noma engakuhloniphi, awuyazisi imibono yakhe, imibono noma uhlelo lwakhe lokubaluleka ngokwanele ukuze acabangele lapho enza izinqumo ezinkulu noma ezincane. Uvame ukungamfuni umlingani wakho futhi kubonisa indlela omphatha ngayo kanye nobudlelwano bakho. Ngisho nezinto ezincane zingadala izinkinga ebudlelwaneni lapho kungekho kuhloniphana.

Ukuze uthole imininingwane eyengeziwe engochwepheshe ngobudlelwano bezithandani, sicela ubhalisele yethu Isiteshi se-YouTube

11 Izinselele Zobudlelwane Cishe Wonke Umuntu Kufanele Abhekane Nazo

USamantha noRicky sebeneminyaka engu-15 bendawonye. Kusuka ukuthandana njengabasebenza nabo ukuhamba ngendlela, ukukhulisa izingane ezimbili, kanye nokubhekana nobhubhane ndawonye, ​​ubudlelwano babo buye bawela izigaba eziningana futhi bazulazula emanzini amabi endleleni. Kulokhu, baye babhekana nezinkinga eziningi zobudlelwane imibhangqwana okumelwe ibhekane nazo. Kusukela ezinseleleni zobudlelwano obuncane kuya ezinseleleni zobudlelwano ngemuva kwengane, kubonakala sengathi babone konke.

Bakholelwa ukuthi nakuba uhlobo lwezinselelo zobudlelwane umbhangqwana obhekana nazo ezigabeni ezihlukene zempilo yabo lushintsha, izinkinga ezithile ezibalulekile ziba isizinda sazo zonke izinkinga. Ngokuka-Samantha no-Ricky, umzamo ongaguquki, ukukhulumisana ngenhlonipho nokwethembeka, nesimo sengqondo sokungadikibali yilokho okudingekayo ukuze ubhekane nalezi zinselele futhi ubhekane nezivunguvungu njengeqembu.

Uma umbhangqwana ungafunda ukunqoba lokhu lapho kuvela njengezinselele ezintsha zobudlelwane, ukubhekana nezinye izinkinga nezinkinga kuba lula. Yiziphi lezi zinselelo zobudlelwane obuyinhloko futhi yini ongayenza ukuze uziqede? Ake sithole:

1. Ukuxhumana kuphakathi kwezinselele zobudlelwane ezivame kakhulu

Isisho esivamile esithi “ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo” asiwona umusho ongenalutho. Ukukhulumisana kungaba umehluko phakathi kobudlelwane obunempilo kanye nobo obugcwele ukungezwani nokulimala. Kodwa ukuxhumana akukhona nje ukukhuluma. Abantu bangakhuluma nje kodwa lokho ngeke kuxazulule noma yiziphi izinselelo zobudlelwane.

Ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni obusha, izinselelo ekuxhumaneni zidlangile. Niyajwayelana nje futhi izinto zingase zibonakale zizinhle kodwa kulapho ukuxhumana kubaluleke kakhulu. Usesigabeni se-honeymoon futhi uzimisele ukuxolela noma yiziphi izinkinga okungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nazo kodwa awuzenzisi ngokungaziba indlovu egunjini.

I-Geetarsh ithi, “Ukwesaba okukhulu lapho kuziwa ekukhulumisaneni ukuqondwa kabi.” Awufuni ukucekela phansi into enhle ngokuveza umcabango ocabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ngeke awuqonde, kodwa mnikeze udumo lokuba isilaleli esikahle sokukuzwa.

Indlela yokunqoba izinkinga zokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni

Ukuxhumana. Ukuxhumana. Ukuxhumana. Ayikho enye indlela yokuxazulula izinkinga zenu njengombhangqwana kunokuba nihlale phansi nixoxe ngokwethembeka, nokubuyisana ngakho. Esinye sezizathu ezenza ubudlelwano bungaphumeleli ukuthi izikhathi eziningi abantu balokhu beshanela izindaba zabo ngaphansi kukakhaphethi ngenxa yokwesaba ukuxabana kunokuba babhekane ngqo. Nansi indlela ongayigwema ngayo le nkinga evamile:

• Kunokuba uzimise izingxoxo ezingenakugwenywa qiniseka ukuthi wenza imibono yakho yaziwe ukuze wakhe isisekelo sobudlelwano obuqinile.
• Thola izinto ezintsha ongazigwema isithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni
• Yenza umzamo wokuxhumana ngezidingo zansuku zonke ukuze ugweme izinkinga zokubamba ubudlelwano besikhathi eside
• Ungagcini nje ngokuxoxisana ngezinto ongazithandi, yenza umzamo wokuveza imizwa yakho ngomlingani wakho. Ungakuthathi kalula ukuthi bayazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani

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2. Ukungabeki okulindelekile ngendlela engokoqobo

Lokhu kungaba phakathi kwezinselelo zobudlelwano bokuzenzela noma bokuhlukana kwabashadile. Usanda kungena ebudlelwaneni futhi unayo yonke le mibono mayelana nokuthi kufanele kube njani. Nokho, abantu abavamile ukuba yilokho olindele ukuba babe yikho. Ungase uthande u-90% womuntu, kodwa u-10% osele ungenza umehluko omkhulu.

Umehluko phakathi kobudlelwano obuhlala njalo nobophela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi yikhono lokwenza phatha okulindelekile ngendlela engokoqobo futhi wamukele okuphambi kwakho. Akekho ongalingana nesikweletu salowo 'zakwethu ophelele' owakhe ekhanda lakho.

Uma ukholelwa ukuthi ubuhlobo buwufanele umzamo, khona-ke noma iyiphi inselele inganqotshwa. Sengikushilo lokho, izinselelo eziningi zobudlelwano kwabashadile zivela ekungakwazini ukubuyisana nokuhle nokubi okulethwa yibo bobabili abalingani esibalweni.

Ungakunqoba kanjani okulindelwe okungafani

Ukulungiselelwa okulindelekile kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu, kodwa ezivame ukunganakwa, zokwakha ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo nomuntu wakho obalulekile. Kungakho elinye lamathiphu abaluleke kakhulu okuxazulula izinkinga zobudlelwano esinazo ngawe ukuveza lokho okulindele futhi uqonde okukazakwenu, ukuze uthole ibhalansi efanele lapho kungekho umlingani ozizwa engazwakali noma engabonwa.

"Kubaluleke kakhulu ukubeka imingcele kanye nalokho okulindele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubulili buni, sonke kufanele siyekethise ukuze ubuhlobo buphumelele. Lokhu akukhona ukuzidela kodwa kunokudedela ukuze kuzuze ubuhlobo," kweluleka uGeetarsh. Nakhu ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokulindela okungafani ebuhlotsheni:

• Thola ukuthi ingabe umehluko kulokho okulindelekile mkhulu. Uma bengathandi ukudla okufanayo nawe, akufanele kube yinkinga enkulu. Kodwa-ke, uma zingahlangabezani nezimfuneko zakho eziyisisekelo, lokho kungenye indaba ngokuphelele
• Uma umlingani wakho engahlangabezani nokulindelwe okuncane, kufanele uzame ukuqonda ukuthi wonke umuntu unomoya ohlukile futhi ulimi lothando
• Ukuzama ukubumba umlingani wakho abe yinguqulo oyikhethayo ngeke kubonise ikusasa elihle
• Khomba okulindelwe okungaxoxiswana ngakho ebudlelwaneni, cela umlingani wakho enze okufanayo
• Sebenzela ekutholeni indawo ephakathi lapho nonke nenza umzamo wokufeza lokho okulindelwe omunye okungaxoxiswana ngako kuyilapho niyekethisa kwezakho ezingabalulekile.

3. Ukwethembeka kungenye yezinselelo zobudlelwane kwabashadile

Ukwethembeka kungase kubonakale njengento enikeziwe kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Nokho, ekusebenzeni, kungase kube nzima kunalokho kubonakala. Ungahlala ufuna ukwethula ubuwena obuhle komunye wakho obalulekile kodwa lokho akwenzeki ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuzijwayeza ukwethembeka nomlingani wakho kwakha isisekelo sobudlelwano obusebenzayo. Ungase ungabi sekhasini elifanayo ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa, inqobo nje uma uthembekile ungaletha ubuwena bangempela kubambiswano.

Abantu abaningi bangena kule nselelo yobudlelwano ngoba benomuzwa wokuthi ngeke babe sengozini nabalingani babo. Nokho, lokhu ukungathembeki ebudlelwaneni iqala umjikelezo ononya kuphela. Uqala ukungathembeki ngoba unezinto ofisa ukuzifihla kodwa lokhu kukuphoqa kwamanye amanga okugcina sekudale udonga phakathi kwakho nesithandwa sakho.

Sengikushilo lokho, kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uqonde ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukwethembeka ebudlelwaneni. “Ubunikazi nokuba nezinto akufani nokunakekela.Umlingani wakho kufanele akukhathalele futhi akubuze ngempilo yakho kodwa akumele azizwe enelungelo lokuthola ulwazi lwakho,” kusho uGeetarsh.

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Indlela yokunqoba ukuntula ukwethembeka ebudlelwaneni

Ukwethembeka kungase kube okunye okulindelekile okuyisisekelo ebuhlotsheni, nokho, ukuphila ngokuvumelana nakho kungaba nzima kakhulu kunalokho abantu abaningi abakucabangayo. Amanga amancane angenabungozi ahlala ebonakala eyindlela engcono engxoxweni enzima. Kulokhu, uGeetarsh uthi, “Umbhangqwana kufanele ukulungele ukwamukela ukuthi ukungakhululeki engxoxweni kunempilo futhi kubalulekile ukuze ukhule. ukugxeka.” Nansi indlela ongasebenza ngayo ekukhuthazeni ukwethembeka okukhulu ebudlelwaneni:

• Zijwayeze ukwethembeka ngenkuthalo nomlingani wakho
• Kunokuba utshele umlingani wakho lokho afuna ukukuzwa noma lokho ocabanga ukuthi uyenza, mtshele indlela ozizwa ngayo
• Yakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngokuvuleleka kakhudlwana nangokuza ekwabelaneni ngolwazi
• Prakthiza ukwenza izinto obala kakhulu futhi unikeze umlingani wakho ukufinyelela okwengeziwe ezicini ezahlukahlukene zempilo yakho ukuze aqiniseke ukuthi akukho okufihlayo.

4. Izinkinga zomndeni zingase ziphazamise

Wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi ukuhlangana nabazali kungaba yingxenye enzima kakhulu yanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Kubonisa izinga lokuzibophezela kukho yazisa umlingani wakho emndenini wakho. Phela bangabantu ababalulekile empilweni yakho. Lokhu kubambele bobabili ozakwethu.

Ngisho nangemva kwesingeniso, kungase kube khona ukungezwani phakathi komkhaya nomlingani wakho. Mhlawumbe abamvumeli umlingani wakho ngesizathu esithile noma umlingani wakho angase abe nokuhlukana kwemibono naye. Noma iyiphi indlela, ingakubeka endaweni eqinile lapho ugcina umugqa phakathi kwezinhlangothi zombili, ikwenze kube enye yezinselelo ezintsha ezinzima kakhulu zobudlelwano.

Indlela yokunqoba izinkinga zomndeni

Umndeni ungaba yindaba ethinta inhliziyo phakathi kozakwethu uma ungasingathwanga ngendlela efanele. Ukuze uvimbele ukungezwani nomndeni womlingani wakho ekuphendukeni kube umthombo wokungqubuzana njalo, udinga ukugcina ukulingana okuhle phakathi kokuzimela wena nokuhlonipha umndeni womlingani wakho. Nansi indlela:

• Khumbula ukuthi awukwazi ukwenza wonke umuntu ajabule ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwesinye isikhathi kuzomele uthathe uhlangothi olulodwa noma olunye kuye ngesihloko
• Nokho, lokhu akukuniki imvume yokungahloniphi noma yokulimaza. Kufanele ulawule indlela oyidlulisela ngayo imicabango yakho
• Qiniseka ukuthi uqukethe ukungaboni ngaso linye odabeni olukhona futhi uqoqe izindaba ezindala
• Ungaluvumeli lolu daba luphume esandleni bese uphenduka impi ehlanganisa isimilo sabantu abathintekayo
• Yazisa wonke umuntu ohilelekile ukuthi imibono yakho isekelwe kuphela enzuzweni ekhona

5. Izimali zingaba isizinda sezinselele zobudlelwane

Ebudlelwaneni obuningi, kunomehluko ezindleleni umlingani ngamunye anikela ngazo. Mhlawumbe omunye wenu uyahola, omunye esiza ekhaya. Ngisho noma bobabili ozakwethu behola, lowo onesheke elikhudlwana angase agcine ethathe ingxenye enkulu yezindleko, bese eshayela ihlombe mayelana nokuphathwa kwezimali.

Noma imibono yabo bobabili ozakwethu ekongeni nasekusebenziseni imali ingahluka kakhulu, okuholela ekuxabaneni njalo ngemali ngisho nokwenza ubudlelwano bungene kalula. ukungathembeki ngokwezimali. Ngokufanayo, ukuphila ngeholo elilodwa ngenxa yokuthi umzali oyedwa kufanele athathe ikhefu emsebenzini kungaholela ezinseleleni eziningi zobuhlobo ngemva komntwana.

Ngamafuphi, imali ingaba isizinda sazo zonke izinhlobo zezinselelo zobudlelwane, okuthi uma zingabhekwanga ngendlela efanele zibe izinkinga ezingapheli. UGeetarsh uthi, "Akekho osebudlelwaneni okufanele ngabe uyawina noma ehluliwe. Uma ubudlelwano sebuphenduke umdlalo wokuthola amaphuzu komunye, kusho ukuthi izinto zedlulele."

Indlela yokunqoba izinkinga zezimali nginothize engithandananaye

Ukunqoba izinselele zobudlelwane zemvelo ethambile enjalo kudinga ukuphathwa ngokucophelela. Uma ubona umuzwa wokucasuka ebudlelwaneni bakho, lokhu kuyinkomba yakho yokubhekana nenkinga ngqo. Yebo, bobabili abalingani kufanele bafake isandla ngokulinganayo ebudlelwaneni kodwa kuyaye kufike isikhathi lapho umuntu enza okwengeziwe ngenxa yezimo. Nansi indlela ongavimbela ngayo ukungqubuzana kwezezimali ekuphazamiseni ubudlelwano bakho ezimweni ezinjalo:

• Thola indlela yokusekelana. Uma umlingani oyedwa engaholi kangako, angazama ukufaka isandla ngezinye izindlela ngokuqonda ukuthi uma isicathulo sikolunye unyawo, umlingani wakhe uzokwenza okufanayo.
• Hlala unolwazi mayelana nezimpahla zakho nezikweletu nokuthi unganikela ngamalini ebudlelwaneni/emshadweni nasezindlekweni ezabiwe
• Ungazami ukulawula izimali zomlingani wakho futhi ungamniki inkululeko yokulawula eyakho
• Beka isikhathi nomzamo ekuhleleni kahle kwezezimali ukuze ukwazi ukuhlangabezana nemigomo yakho eyabiwe neyomuntu ngamunye futhi akekho uzakwethu ozwa sengathi unikezwe isiphetho esifushane senduku

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 25 Izinkinga Ezivamile Zobudlelwano

6. Ukuntuleka kwesikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni

Cishe awucabangi ngesikhala ngosuku nosuku. Kuyinto esivame ukuyithatha kalula uma sinayo. Kodwa-ke, uma uqala ukuhlala nomuntu futhi wabelane ngendawo, uphoqeleka ngokushesha ukubuza ukuthi ingakanani indawo oyidingayo wena nomlingani wakho.

Isibonelo, kungenzeka ukuthi usanda kuthuthela efulethini elisha nomlingani wakho. Izingxabano ziphelile isikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni kungavela ngenxa yanoma yini kusukela ekungabini naso isikhala esanele sekhabethe ukuze ungasitholi isikhathi uwedwa sokuzikhulula ngemva kosuku olude emsebenzini.

Okubi nakakhulu, izinga lokunethezeka lingase lihluke kumlingani ngamunye. Ungase wenelise ukuba nezingubo zabo endaweni yakho, kodwa bangase bangasilungeli lesi sinyathelo. Udaba lwesikhala somuntu siqu lubuye lube phakathi kwezinselelo zobudlelwano ezihamba phambili ngesikhathi se-COVID, okukhuliswe imibhangqwana ephoqeleka ukuthi iboshwe ezindaweni zayo zokuhlala izinyanga zilandelana.

Ungazinqoba kanjani izindaba zesikhala somuntu siqu

Elinye lamacebiso asebenzayo okuxazulula izinkinga zobudlelwane ukuthola indawo emaphakathi, ibhalansi ebhekelela izidingo zabo bobabili abalingani kanye nezidingo zabo ezihlanganyelwe njengombhangqwana. Lo mthetho wesithupha usebenza ezindabeni ezinobuqili zesikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni. Nansi indlela ongayenza ngayo ibhalansi:

• Hlala nophathina wakho nichaze ukuthi isikhala kanye 'nesikhathi sami' sisho ukuthini kuwena ngabanye
• Bese uthola ukuthi ungakuhlanganisa kanjani okubili ukuze uguqule umbono owabiwe wokuthi indawo enempilo ebuhlotsheni kufanele ibukeke kanjani.
• Ungamcasuli umlingani wakho ngokufuna indawo ethile ebudlelwaneni; sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuthuthukisa amakhono akho, izinkanuko kanye nempilo yomphakathi
• Yenzani umzamo wokubeka phambili isikhathi senu ndawonye ukuze isikhala singaqali ukuzwakala njengegama elibi ebudlelwaneni benu.

7. Ukuphatha isikhathi (noma ukuntuleka kwakho)

Isikhathi siyisisetshenziswa esinomkhawulo. Uma kubhekwa ukuthi izimpilo zethu zishesha kangakanani, umzuzwana ngamunye usuphenduke into eyigugu kuphela ukuze isetshenziselwe imisebenzi ekhiqiza kakhulu. Kungakho, uma kuziwa ebudlelwaneni, kungaba nzima ukwaba isikhathi kuzo zonke izici ezidinga ukunakwa. Umsebenzi nezinye izindaba zingathatha isikhathi esiningi namandla, zikushiye ukhathele. Lokhu kungenza ozakwethu baqhelelane, kubenze bazizwe bencipha ekuvumelaniseni nsuku zonke.

Leli banga elikhulayo lingaba imbangela yenqwaba yezinye izinselelo ebudlelwaneni. Ukuphatha isikhathi nokuqinisekisa ukuthi nixhumana nobabili, ngendlela enenjongo futhi enengqondo - ngaphandle kweziphazamiso noma imizamo engaphelele - nakho kuphakathi kwezinselele eziphezulu zobudlelwane bebanga elide.

Indlela yokunqoba ukuntuleka kwesikhathi sekhwalithi

Ukuze unqobe le nselele yobudlelwano, kubalulekile ukungakhohlwa iqiniso lokuthi ukuxhumana nothando kudinga isikhathi esinikelwe ukuze kuqinisekiswe isibopho esiqinile. "Isikhathi sokuxhumana ngempumelelo sibaluleke kakhulu. Awukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo ngaphandle kokutshala isikhathi nomzamo kubo," kusho uGeetarsh.

• Zibekele umlingani wakho isikhathi sekhwalithi nsuku zonke futhi usisebenzise ukwenza okuthile okukusizayo ukwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo
• Qambani namasiko obudlelwano njengokuhamba nindawonye noma ubusuku bezinsuku zeviki ukuze nichithe isikhathi esihle ndawonye
• Susa zonke iziphazamiso futhi ugxile kuphela kumlingani wakho ngalesi sikhathi
• Hlola imisebenzi eyabiwe kanye nezithakazelo ongazibophela

8. Ukungakwazi ukuzwela

Uzwela luphakathi kwezinto eziyisisekelo ezilindelwe kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Nokho, lokhu kungase kuqale ukuba nomkhawulo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ziningi kuphela izinto esingazikhathalela nsuku zonke, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani wakho angakwazi ukwehlela phansi kulolo hlu futhi okuphambene nalokho. Ukungabi nozwela kungaba nomthelela omubi ebudlelwaneni benu, ekugcineni kwenze nihlukane nomlingani wakho.

Umlingani wakho kungenzeka ube nosuku olunzima lomsebenzi, olulandelwa uhambo olude, futhi balindele ukuthi ukhululeke naye. Nokho, futhi ube nosuku olude nolukhathazayo, mhlawumbe umsebenzi wakho awukakapheli. Kulesi simo, kungase kube nzima ukuzwelana nomunye umuntu kunokugxila ezidingweni zakho. Kwezinye izimo, ungase usazwela umuntu kodwa ungase ungakwazi ukukuveza ngenxa yezinye izinkinga ezithatha isikhala engqondweni yakho.

Indlela yokunqoba ukungabi nozwela

Uma ukuthola kunzima ukukhathalela izinkinga empilweni yomlingani wakho, bheka ngaphakathi ukuze uthole ukuthi yini inkinga. Ingabe usafuna ukuzwelana nabo noma ingabe kubonakala kuwufanele umzamo? Uma uqinisekile ukuthi usafuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni, zama ukuthatha izinyathelo ezincane ukukhombisa ukuthi ucabanga ngezinkinga zabo futhi utshale imali ekusizeni umlingani wakho ukuzixazulula.

“Ungagxili kakhulu ezinkingeni kodwa gxila esixazululo,” kweluleka uGeetarsh. Nansi indlela ongasebenzela ngayo ekuthuthukiseni uzwela ebuhlotsheni bakho:

• Sebenzela ekuthuthukiseni ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho ukusiza ukuqonda umlingani wakho kangcono
• Ukuntula uzwela kungase kube umphumela wokucasuka okujulile. Kumele usebenze ukuze ukwazi ukuzwelana nesithandwa sakho
• Yeka ukusola umlingani wakho ngaphandle kokwenza umzamo wokuqonda uhlangothi lwakhe lwendaba
• Buza imibuzo, zijwayeze ukulalela ngokucophelela ukuze ukwazi ukuzwelana nomlingani wakho

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukungabi Nothando Nokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni — Izindlela Eziyisi-9 Okukuthinta Ngayo

9. Ukusondelana okunciphayo kungenye yezinselelo eziphezulu zobudlelwano

Ngokuphambene nenkolelo evamile, ukuntula ukusondelana okungaphezu kokungafanelani ngokocansi okwenza imibhangqwana ihlukane. Mhlawumbe senineminyaka embalwa nindawonye. Ukusuka ekubeni ukhululekile, uya ekubeni ukunganeliseki ebudlelwaneni, futhi ungakakwazi, inhlansi isiphelile. Esimweni esinjalo, kungase kube nzima ukwenza umzamo wokulondoloza ukusondelana.

Ukusondelana akukhona nje ukuxhumana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi phakathi kwabalingani ababili, kumayelana nokwabelana ngezinga lokuba sengozini kanye nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Enye yezinselelo ezinkulu zobudlelwane kubabhangqwana asebehlale isikhathi eside ukuqhubeka nokukhulisa izinhlobo ezahlukene zokusondelana ekuxhumaneni kwabo.

Ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho acabange ukuthi usenalo uthando olufanayo ngaye njengoba wawunalo ngesikhathi niqala ukuthandana, kodwa lokhu kufanele kudluliselwe ngamazwi nangezenzo.

Indlela yokunqoba ukuntula ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni

Ukuntula ukusondelana, ukusondelana ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi ikakhulukazi, kungaba phakathi kwezinselelo zobudlelwano obuphezulu ngemuva komntwana noma ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Lapho ukusondelana kuqala ukuncipha ohlangothini olulodwa, abanye bayalandela. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokocansi, ngokwesibonelo, kungenza abalingani baqhelelane ngokomzwelo futhi okuphambene nalokho. Nansi indlela ongavimbela ngayo ukusondelana ekuphumeni kwizibalo zakho:

• Faka umlingani wakho emicimbini emikhulu nasezinqumweni empilweni yakho, wabelane naye ngemicabango yakho, imizwa yakho, kanye nezifiso zakho
• Bavulele inhliziyo yakho futhi wamukele lapho benza okufanayo. Lokhu kukhombisa ukuthi uyabazisa kanye nombono wabo.
• Yenza umzamo obonakalayo wokudala izibalo ezintsha ngaphakathi koxhumano olukhona
• Ukuhlela ubusuku bezinsuku kanye nokuhlanganisa okuhlangenwe nakho okusha kuyindlela enhle yokugcina uthando, ezothando, nokusondelana kuphila

10. Izingxabano ziqala ukuba nomthelela omubi

Izingxabano zingaba nzima kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo. Akekho ofuna ukuxabana, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni lapho nobabili nikhathalelana; Nokho, izingxabano nokuhlukana kwemibono nakho akunakugwenywa lapho abantu ababili behlangana ndawonye ukuze bahlanganyele uhambo njengombhangqwana.

Igama ngalinye le-acerbic lingalimaza kakhulu futhi ungenza noma yini ukuligwema. Kodwa-ke, izingxabano ziwuphawu nje lweqhwa, okuthi uma ziyekwa zingaxazululiwe zingavula amasango ezikhukhula ezindabeni ezingapheli. Lokhu kuba enye yezinselelo ezinkulu zobudlelwano kwabashadile, ikakhulukazi uma bengakwazi kahle amasu okuxazulula izingxabano ukuxazulula izingxabano ngaphandle kokudala umonakalo ongapheli esibophweni sabo.

Indlela yokunqoba izingxabano ebudlelwaneni

Isihluthulelo sokunqoba izinselelo zobudlelwano lapho nixabene khona wukungakhohlwa ukuthi umlingani wakho ubaluleke kangakanani kuwena. Izimpi ebudlelwaneni zingasiza ukubugcina, inqobo nje uma bobabili abalingani bazi ukuthi bangalungisa kanjani ukungezwani kwabo ngendlela enempilo. Nansi indlela ongaqinisekisa ngayo lokho futhi uvimbele izingxabano ekusongeleni ikusasa lenu njengombhangqwana:

• Cabanga ukuthi kungani ingxabano yenzeka kwasekuqaleni
• Uma inkinga obhekene nayo ibucayi, udinga ukuthola umnyombo wayo futhi uyixazulule
• Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma udaba luncane uma kuqhathaniswa, kufanele uhlole ukuthi ufukamele amagqubu yini, okubangela ukuba ukhiphe izinto ngaphandle kwesilinganiso.
• Ungashaneli izinto ezincane ngaphansi kukakhaphethi, lezi zinendlela yokunqwabelanisa futhi zikhulise amakhanda azo amabi ngendlela yezingxabano zobudlelwano ezimbi.
• Ngaso sonke isikhathi khawula ingxabano yakho odabeni olukhona, ungakuvumeli ukuthi kuqhume ngokwesilinganiso noma ukusebenzise njengethuba lokujikijela umlingani wakho ngento ethile ayenza ezinyangeni noma eminyakeni edlule.
• Rarulula ukungezwani ngendlela enempilo, akukho ukubiza ngamagama, ukuhlukumeza ngamazwi noma amaqhinga akhohlisayo afana nokugenca amatshe kanye nokuphathwa buthule.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpikiswano Eziyi-11 Zobudlelwano Ezisho Ukubhujiswa Kwebhondi Yakho

11. Izinkinga zokuthembana ebudlelwaneni

Njengoba abantu abaningi bengafakaza, ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuhle. Nokho ukwazi ukuthi ungamethemba umlingani wakho ukuthi uzokuba neqolo noma usesimweni esinzima kuphakathi kwezinselelo zobudlelwano izithandani eziningi ezilwa nazo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukuntula ukwethembana phakathi kwabalingani kungaholela ekungazethembi, izinsolo kanye nobuhlobo lapho uhlezi ubheka phezu kwehlombe lakho, wesaba ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokugwaza emhlane.

Uma kukhona ukuntula ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, lokho kungaholela kuphela ekunganeliseki nasekucasukeni. Kufanele ukwazi ukukholelwa ukuthi umlingani wakho uzobe ekhona kuwe futhi ngeke akukhaphele. Kulapho kuphela lapho ungathola khona noma iyiphi inqubekelaphambili ebudlelwaneni.

Ungazinqoba kanjani izinkinga zokwethembana

Uma uzizwa zikhona izindaba zokuthembela phakathi kwakho nophathina wakho, sekuyisikhathi sokuhlola ukuthi yini okungenzeka iyibangele. Kungenzeka kungenxa yokuthi omunye wenu akakwazi ukugcina izithembiso noma wake waqamba amanga esikhathini esidlule. Ukuze wenze izilungiso, udinga ukusebenzela ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, nansi indlela:

• Zijwayeze ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile nokwethembeka ukuze umlingani wakho azi kahle ukuthi ucabangani/uzizwa kanjani
• Qiniseka ukuthi uyaligcina izwi lakho
• Phuma endleleni yakho ukuze ubenze bazizwe sengathi bangathembela kuwe
• Ungamfihli izinto umlingani wakho, noma ngabe zincane kangakanani noma azisho lutho
• Gwema amaphethini okuziphatha abangele izinkinga zokwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho

Abukho ubudlelwano obungenazo izinselele nezinkinga. Ukunqoba izinselelo zobudlelwano kuwukukhathazeka kwansuku zonke futhi kufanele kubhekwane nakho ngqo. Uma unesibindi nokuphikelela kokubheka ngale kwalezi zinkinga futhi ubhekane nazo ngendlela enempilo, khona-ke uyisinyathelo esisodwa sokusondela ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.

Noma ngabe uzizwa ukhungethwe yizinselelo zobudlelwano obhekene nazo, ungalilahli ithemba. Abeluleki abanolwazi nabanelayisensi kuphaneli ye-Bonobology baye basiza izithandani eziningi ezimeni ezifanayo. Nawe ungasebenzisa isiqondiso sabo sochwepheshe ukuze uqondise ubudlelwano bakho endaweni entsha. Usizo olufanele kuphela a chofoza kude.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.