He aha te Trauma Dumping? Ka whakamāramahia e te Kaiwhakaora te Tikanga, ngā Tohu, me pēhea te wikitoria

Ina pau āu hua manu i te ata, ā, ka pā te taira i a koe e haere ana ki te mahi, ko te tuku i ō whakaaro mō taua mea i te mutunga o te rā te mea anake e hiahiatia ana e koe. Heoi, ina tino kaha rawa te "tuku i ō whakaaro" ā, ka ngenge te hunga katoa, me mārama pea koe he aha te mea e kiia ana he trauma dumping. 

Ko te "trauma dumping" ko te tukunga atu a te tangata i tōna mamae ki tētahi kāore e taea, e kore rānei e pai ki te tukatuka, ka waiho te tangata kia ngenge rawa, kia pāngia kinotia, kia noho hinengaro kino.

He aha te āhua o te whakakorenga i ngā mamae i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, me pēhea te mōhio o te tangata kei te nui rawa tā rātou whakapuaki i ō rātou wheako, ā, kei te kino hoki ki te hunga e whakarongo ana? Mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro Pragati Sureka (MA i roto i te Hinengaro Hauora, ngā whiwhinga ngaio mai i te Kura Hauora o Harvard), he tohunga ki te aro atu ki ngā take pēnei i te whakahaere riri, ngā take mātua, me ngā marena tukino me te kore aroha mā roto i ngā rauemi kaha kare ā-roto, me wetewete tātou i ngā mea katoa e tika ana kia mōhiotia mō te panga whara. 

He aha te Trauma Dumping i roto i te Hononga?

"Ko te whakawātea i ngā mamae ko te wā e kōrero ana tētahi tangata ki tētahi atu, kāore i te tātarihia, me te kore e whakaaro ki ngā pānga ka pā ki tētahi atu. He maha ngā wā, kāore te tangata e whakawātea ana i ngā mamae e pātai atu ki te kaiwhakarongo mēnā kei roto rātou i te āhua hei whakarongo, ā, ko te āhua o ngā aituā mamae e tohaina ana i roto i ngā wāhi ngoikore, ka kore pea e taea e te kaiwhakarongo te tukatuka, te ine rānei i aua mea."

"He tauira mō te tukunga atu i ngā mea e pā ana ki te whara, ko te wā ka nui rawa te kōrero a te mātua ki te tamaiti. Tērā pea ka kōrero rātou mō ngā mea e hē ana i roto i te marena, mō te tukino rānei a ngā hungawai. Tērā pea kāore i te tamaiti te kaha ki te whakarongo, tika? Engari nā te mea kei te tuku atu te mātua i ngā mea e pā ana ki te whara, kāore rātou e whakaaro ki te pānga kino ki te tamaiti, ā, kāore hoki e kōrero tonu mōna," te kī a Pragati. 

Ina kei roto te tangata i tētahi whanaungatanga, tera pea te āhua nei he tika te whakapuaki i ō wheako mamae, nā te mea koinei tonu te huarahi e tutuki ai i te tokorua whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-rotoEngari, ki te kore tō hoa e taea te tukatuka i te kaha o ngā kōrero ka tohaina e kōrua, ka huri hei wheako kino mā kōrua.

Kāore pea rātou e mōhio me pēhea te whakautu atu nā te mea kāore rātou i te tino mōhio me pēhea te whakahaere. Mena kei roto rātou i tētahi wā uaua, mā te rongonga mō tō whaea kino, mō te tukino rānei i pā ki a koe i tō tamarikitanga, ka kino ake pea tō rātou hinengaro. 

Ko te tikanga o te "trauma dumping", arā, ko te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata e whakarongo ana, he mahi kāore i te āta whakaarohia. Koia te take he mea nui kia mārama ki te rerekētanga o te "trauma dumping" me te "venting".

Te Whakakorenga i te Whara me te Whakaputa Puku: He aha te Rerekētanga? 

Ki te kī ngāwari, ki te whakapuaki koe i ō kare ā-roto ki tētahi, kei te kōrero koe me te tauutuutu, engari kāore hoki e kōrero mō ngā aituā mamae ka whakakorikori i te hinengaro o te kaiwhakarongo. 

Ko te tukunga atu i ngā mea e pā ana ki te mamae, kāore e whai whakaaro ana mēnā kei roto te tangata e kōrero ana koe i te āhua e taea ai e ia te aro atu, te whakarongo rānei, ā, ka puta ake he nui rawa o te whakapuakitanga o ōna whakaaro me ōna wheako mamae. E puta mai ana hoki i te kore e taea e te tangata te mārama ki te kaha o ngā mea e whakapuakina ana e ia.

Tērā pea kāore te tangata i te mōhio he mamae tētahi o ngā aituā, tērā pea kua wehe kē atu i taua aituā hei huarahi whakatau i te raruraru, ā, tērā pea ka kōrero noa i te reo ngāwari, ka whakapoauau i te kaiwhakarongo. 

"He maha ngā wā, i roto i te hononga tahi, ka kōrero te tangata, ka pātai mō ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata. Engari i roto i te trauma dumping, ka tino pāngia te tangata e ō rātou kare ā-roto, kāore he wāhi hei whakaaro mō te pānga ki te tangata. Kei te māharahara te tangata? Kei te uaua rawa te tangata ki te keri?"

"He whakaaturanga tēnei o ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Kāore he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, kāore he kōrero, he kōrero kotahi noa iho. He maha ngā wā ka mahia tēnei e te tangata ki tētahi teina, ki tētahi tamaiti, ki tētahi mātua, me te kore e mōhio ki te pānga tinana me te hinengaro ki tētahi atu. Ina kōrero tātou mō te whakaputanga pouri hauora me tētahi hoa, ka piri te tangata ki te "I taku kitenga i tēnei mahi, ko taku i pā ai ko tēnei," ehara i te mea he patunga whaiaro pērā i te, "Nāu ahau i pēnei ai".

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"Engari ina puta he mamae i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te whakapae pea i tetahi atu. Ka haere tonu te tangata, "I tēnei rā koe i mahi i tēnei, inanahi koe i mahi i tērā, e rima tau ki muri i mahi koe i tērā"," te kī a Pragati. 

He aha te take e puta ai te whara i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki te whakautu ki te pātai, "He aha te trauma dumping?", he pai pea te titiro ki te take o tēnei mea i te tuatahi. Nā te mea kāore te tangata e whakapuaki nui ana i ngā mea uaua kua pā ki a ia e aro ki ō kare ā-roto i a ia e whakarongo ana, tera pea he āwhina te mārama ki te take e pērā ana rātou. 

Ko te tukunga atu i ngā mea e pāngia ana e te whara he tohu pea nō te PTSD, nō ētahi atu mate hinengaro rānei pērā i te mate hinengaro narcissistic, te mate hinengaro bipolar rānei. E āwhina ana a Pragati ki te whakarārangi i ētahi atu take e whiriwhiri ai te tangata ki te tukunga atu i ngā mea e pāngia ana e te whara:

1. Tērā pea he pānga tō te whanaungatanga o te whānau ki a rātou

"Ka whai wāhi pea ngā ahotea o te tamarikitanga ki te take ka tīmata te tangata ki te tuku i ngā mea e pā ana ki te whara. Tērā pea ko te tangata anō kei te taha o te pānga. Tērā pea he mātua tō rātou i nui rawa te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Tērā pea kua kite rātou i ngā tauira ōrite i roto i ō rātou whānau. Nō reira, ka uru atu rātou ki ngā kōrero ōrite nā te mea e whakapono ana rātou koinei te huarahi e kōrero ai te tangata," te kī a Pragati.

Akoranga whakaatu mai ina wheako te tamaiti i tētahi oranga hauora te kaha o te whanau, he nui ake ngā tūponotanga ka tipu ake rātou hei mātua pai ake, hei hoa rangatira pai ake hoki. Engari ina tipu ake rātou i roto i tētahi taiao kino, ehara i te mea ka pā ki ō rātou whanaungatanga takitahi anake engari ki tō rātou hauora tinana me te hinengaro hoki. 

2. Ina kore e whai whakaaro ki ngā hiahia o ētahi atu 

"Nā te tīmatanga o ngā pāpāho pāpori, kua kore haere tātou e aro ki ngā hiahia o ētahi atu. He maha ngā wā, ka whakaaro noa te tangata he pai ki te tuku i ō rātou mamae ki tētahi atu, ki ā rātou pāpāho pāpori rānei, me te kore e whakaaro he aha ngā kare ā-roto ka pā ki te hunga whakarongo," te kī a Pragati. 

Ka kitea ngā tauira o te tukunga atu i ngā whara i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori katoa, ka taea te tukuake me te tohatoha i ngā kōrero tino whakairoiro mō te tukino me te kore e aro ki te pānga ki ngā kaimātakitaki. Ina noho te tangata i muri i te mata, ā, kāore e taunekeneke ki tētahi atu tangata, kāore e puta te whakaaro "He aha te tukunga atu i ngā whara?". 

3. Kei te kitea tonu te rongoā hei tohu ngoikore

E ai ki tetahi rangahau, 47% o ngā Amerikana e whakaaro tonu ana he tohu ngoikore te rapu rongoā hinengaro. "E whakaaro ana te tangata he pai ake te kōrero ki tētahi hoa, ki tētahi mema rānei o te whānau mō ō rātou "raruraru". Ki te haere koe ki te rongoā hinengaro, kei te whakaae koe kei te hē rawa tētahi mea i roto i tō marena." 

"Ko te tikanga, ka whakarērea e te tangata te mamae nā te mea kei roto rātou i te whakakahore. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakaae ki a rātou anō te kaha o te raruraru e pā ana ki a rātou," te kī a Pragati. 

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Ngā Tohu He Tangata Whakangaromanga Whara Koe

"I mōhio ahau kei te nui rawa taku kōrero ki ōku hoa, engari kāore au i whakaaro kei te pērā ahau" te pana atu i a rātou me te kore e mōhio"... I taku mōhiotanga ki te tikanga o te trauma dumping i roto i te rongoā hinengaro, kātahi ahau ka mōhio ki ngā kōrero kino e whai wāhi tonu ana ahau," ko tā Jessica ki a mātou. 

I te mea kāore te nuinga o te iwi e mutu ki te pātai ki a rātou anō i ngā mea pēnei i te, "Kei te noho pōuri ahau?" ki te kore e tino kitea tō rātou kuware, tera pea kāore koe e mōhio kei te hara koe i taua mea anō. Me titiro tātou ki ētahi tohu e pā ana ki a koe: 

1. Kei te takaro tonu koe i te kāri patunga

"Ina he kōrero hauora kei te haere, kāore te tangata e mahi pērā i te mātāra. Kāore rātou e kī pēnei i te, "Aue, me aro tonu ahau ki ō huringa wairua, me whakahaere tonu e au te marena". 

"I te nuinga o te wā, ka puta te mahi tinihanga i te tukunga whara mā te tākaro i te kāri a te patunga. "Nāu tēnei i mahi ki ahau", "I pēnei taku whakaaro", "He maha tonu ngā wā ka pā ki ahau ēnei mea" koinei ētahi o ngā mea e kīia ana e taua tangata," te kī a Pragati. 

2. Kāore koe e waiho i te wāhi mō ngā urupare i roto i te kōrero 

"He aha te tikanga o te trauma dumping mēnā ehara i te kōrero e ahua kore utu ana? Kāore rātou e whakarongo ki ngā urupare, ka tino tiaki rātou. Ki te ngana te tangata kē ki te kōrero i tētahi mea, ki te kōrero rānei mō taua mea, tera pea ka whakakorehia e rātou, ā, ka whakamāramahia e rātou kāore rātou e pai ki te whakahē," te kī a Pragati. 

E ai ki te whakamāramatanga, ka pōuri te hunga whakarongo i tēnei āhuatanga, ā, he kore noa iho tā rātou whai wāhi ki te kōrero. 

3. Te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

"Ina tukuna atu e te tangata ngā āhuatanga o te trauma, arā, ina kore rātou e whai whakaaro ki ngā whakaaro me ngā whakaaro o ētahi atu, kāore rātou e mutu ki te tirotiro i te pānga o tā rātou kōrero ki tētahi tangata. He kōrerorero kāore he tauutuutu. Kei te whakaaro noa koe ki tō ake āhua kare ā-roto, kāore koe e waiho i tētahi wāhi mō tētahi hononga tahi," te kī a Pragati. 

Ko te tikanga, he whakaaturanga anō hoki tēnei o tētahi kōrerorero pēnei i te te kore whakaute i roto i tō whanaungatanga ki tēnei tangata. Ina kore rātou e aro nui ki ō whakaaro, ki te kore rānei e pātai mai mō tō āhua, ka kitea te kore whakaute.

4. He taha kotahi te āhua 

"I te nuinga o te wā, ina kōrero mai tētahi hoa, tētahi mema o te whānau, tētahi hoa rangatira rānei i tētahi mea ki a koe, ka rongo koe i tētahi hononga ōrite. Engari ina tukuna mai e tētahi he mamae nui, ka rongo koe me te mea kua whakarerea koe e tētahi me ōna raruraru, kāore anō kia tatari kia kite i te pānga ki a koe," te kī a Pragati. 

Kei te kōrero pukumahi koe ki te tangata i ngā wā kāore i te tika? Kāore pea koe i pātai mēnā kei te hiahia te tangata e kōrero ana koe ki te kōrero pēnei. Mena kei te whakaaro koe ki te pānui i ngā tohu, "Kei te noho pōuri ahau?", he mea nui kia kitea me pēhea te wikitoria, kei panaia katoatia e koe. 

Me pēhea te wikitoria i te whara i roto i te whanaungatanga 

"I te mutunga iho, he mea nui kia mōhio tātou kāore te iwi e mahi i tēnei mea me te āta whakaaro. Me aro atu ki tēnei mea me te aroha. He mārama kei reira tetahi mea e pehi ana i a rātou, ā, kāore e taea e rātou te aukati i te rere o ō rātou whakaaro," te kī a Pragati. 

Ko te whakauru i ngā kupu pēnei i te "trauma dumping" ki roto i ā tātou papakupu ehara i te mea hei ārai i te iwi ki te kōrero mō ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a rātou. Heoi, nā te mea ko te nui rawa o te kōrero ki te tangata ka meinga rātou kia mataku ki te kōrero ki a koe, ko te kimi me pēhea te wikitoria i tēnei āhuatanga he mea pea. te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i ō whanaungatanga, me titiro tātou me pēhea:

1. He rongoā mō te whakakorenga whara 

"I horapa whānuitia tēnei ariā e tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro i runga i a TikTok, nāna i kī kāore e tika kia pērā te mahi a ngā kiritaki i te wā tuatahi. He tino hē tēnei i te taha tōrangapū. Kua whakangungua te kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki te whakarongo ki tētahi kiritaki. He mea noa te tuku i ngā mamae ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ko tā rātou mahi he whakarongo ki a koe me te whakatenatena i a koe kia kōrero tika," te kī a Pragati. 

"Ko te mea pai, me rapu te tangata i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro e mōhio ana ki ngā mate ahotea whai muri i te whara, nā te mea ki te mea kei te pā mai anō tētahi mea ki a koe anō, ki a koe anō, me whai tohunga hauora hinengaro koe he mātauranga hinengaro haumanu, he wheako nui rānei hei whakatau i taua mate," tāna tāpiri. 

Mena kei te raru koe i ēnei pātai pēnei i te "He aha te trauma dumping, ā, kei te mahi ahau i tēnei?", Bonobology's he rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau kei konei mātou hei ārahi i a koe i roto i tēnei tukanga, hei peita hoki i te ara mō te whakaoranga. 

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2. Tāutuhia ngā tāngata ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a rātou, me te tono whakaaetanga 

Ina kite koe kei te taumaha rawa ō kōrero ki te tangata, me te kore e pātai atu ki a rātou mō te āhua o ō rātou oranga, kua mōhio kē koe me pēhea te whakatika. Kimihia ētahi tāngata e pai ana ki te whakarongo ki a koe ina hiahia koe ki te whakapuaki mai, ka pātai atu mēnā ka whakarongo mai rātou. 

"Kua pā mai tētahi mea ki ahau e whakararuraru ana i ahau, ā, tera pea he mea whakapouri ki a koe kia rongo mai. Ka taea e au te kōrero ki a koe mō tēnei mea?" koinei anake te mea me kī atu e koe hei tono whakaaetanga. He huarahi anō hoki tēnei mō kia nui ake te aroha i roto i tō whanaungatanga, nā te mea kei te maumahara koe ki ngā kare ā-roto o te kaiwhakarongo. Ki te kore, ka huri pea hei mahi tinihanga mō te tuku i ngā mea e pā kino ana ki a koe.

3. Tērā pea ka āwhina te tuhi pukapuka me te pānui pukapuka

Mā te tuhi i ō kare ā-roto ki roto i te rātaka, ka taea e koe te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto ki a koe anō. Ki te kore e nui rawa te kōrero, te tuku rānei i ō whakaaro ki tētahi atu, ka taea e te tuhituhi ko koe anake te waiho hei momo whakaora i ō kare ā-roto. 

E whakamārama ana a Pragati me pēhea te āwhina i te pānui pukapuka mō ngā mea e pā ana ki a koe. "He pukapuka kei reira mō te kore whakapono, te tukino, te manukanuka, me ētahi atu mea kua raru pea koe. Nā te mea he tohunga pono i roto i te mara ēnei pukapuka, ka whakaaturia e rātou ki a koe ngā tohu o ngā mea e raru ana koe, me pēhea hoki te whakaoti i tēnā." 

"I te nuinga o te wā, ehara i te mea ka tūtohu ahau kia rapu āwhina i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori nā te mea kāore koe e mōhio ki te mana o te tohunga o te tangata kei muri i te ataata. Kāore koe e mōhio ki te nui o te pūkenga o te tangata ki te hoatu i taua mōhiotanga ki a koe," tana whakamārama. 

4. Hurihia te pūngao mā te whakaora i te whakapuakitanga o te whakaaro, mā te whakakorikori tinana rānei 

"Ko ngā mea pēnei i te mahi uku, te tito waiata, te kanikani rānei ki te puoro, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakamama i tēnei kaha e pehi ana i a koe. Ka taea e koe te whakamātau ki te whakakorikori tinana me te whakaputa i te werawera. Ko te whakaaro matua ko te whakakore i tēnei kaha kia kore ai koe e mutu ki te maka mamae i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga," te kī a Pragati.

Akoranga kua kī mai, ina honoa te whakakori tinana ki te rongoā, he tino āwhina tēnei take hauora hinengaro ā, ka whakaora i ngā tohu o te manukanuka me te pouri. 

Me pēhea te wikitoria i te whara i roto i te pāpāho pāpori

Engari i te arotahi ki te tikanga o te trauma dumping, me whakanui ake pea i tētahi o ngā āhuatanga tino kitea o tēnei trauma dumping: arā, te pāpāho pāpori.

"He nui rawa ngā kōrero a te tangata e whakapuakihia ana i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou kei te whakamanahia rātou, ā, e rongohia ana rātou. I ēnei rā, kāore i te nui te tautoko i te tangata i tō rātou taha. Mēnā kei te pāpāho pāpori rātou, e whakaaro ana rātou ka taea tēnā, ahakoa kei muri i ngā mata." 

"Ko tētahi huarahi hei aukati i te tukunga atu i ngā whara ki runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori ko te whakawhanake i ō rātou ake rauemi kare ā-roto. Kei roto i tēnei ko te tuhi i ngā tuhinga, te tuhituhi, te māra, me ētahi momo whakakori tinana e puta ai te werawera. Ko te pehanga o tēnei āhuatanga kua memeha haere ki tētahi taumata," te kī a Pragati. 

Ko te huarahi pai pea hei whakakore i tēnei raruraru ko te tuku atu i ngā mamae ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, kaua ki tētahi e arohaina ana. Ko te tumanako, kua nui ake āu mōhiotanga i tō mua mō te take e kaha ai te iwi ki te kōrero tahi me te kore e aro ki te hunga e whakarongo ana, me te aha hoki ka taea e koe te mahi mēnā ka mahi koe i tēnā. 

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