E hia ngā wā kua hiahia tātou ki tētahi hononga kare ā-roto ki tētahi tangata — te momo e oma ai te ngākau i te miriona maero ia meneti, e pekepeke ai i te mano ngā pao i te miharo? He hononga kore whakakino, he parakore hoki, ā, e pā ana ki ō kare ā-roto ki a kōrua. Mā ngā kiriata whakaari ka māmā noa te kimi i tētahi tangata ka taea e tātou te hono atu ki a ia i roto i te kare ā-roto, ā, ka noho harikoa ake ake. Engari, he pono, e hia ngā wā ka tupu tēnei i te ao tūturu?
E kitea ana, ehara i te mea ngāwari te kimi hononga kare ā-roto, pērā i te hanga hononga tinana, hinengaro rānei. Ahakoa he māmā noa iho te ahua, ehara i te mea ngāwari te hono atu ki te tangata i roto i te kare ā-roto. He maha tonu tā tātou whakapoauau i te hononga kare ā-roto me te kare ā-roto o te aroha. Ka ara ake ngā pātai pēnei i te, "Ko te tikanga o te hononga kare ā-roto ko te aroha?" He māmā noa iho, ko te hononga kare ā-roto te kaha e pupuri ana i te aroha.
Kāore he huarahi kotahi hei hono atu ki te tangata. He rerekē te mahi a te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I te mea he whānui te tikanga o te hononga kare ā-roto, ka rerekē pea i ia tāne, i ia tāne. Engari kei te whakaaro koe i ētahi wā mēnā kei te hono atu koe ki te kare ā-roto ki tō hoa wahine, ki tō tāne rānei? He nui ake rānei tō āwangawanga mō te mea kei a koe he hononga kare ā-roto ki tētahi kua tīmata kē koe te kite? Āe, kei a mātou ngā mea katoa mōu.
He aha te Hononga Ā-hinengaro?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I mua i tā tātou haerenga ki ngā painga me ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga piripono , me ngana tātou ki te mārama ki te hinengaro hononga kare ā-roto. He aha te hononga kare ā-roto? Ahakoa he rerekē ngā āhuatanga rerekē mō ia tangata, ko te whakamāramatanga taketake e mau ana mō te katoa ko te hononga kare ā-roto he ranunga o ngā kare ā-roto e hanga hononga ana i waenganui i te tokorua mā te whakatata atu i a rāua. He kare ā-roto kaha ēnei e hono ana i te tokorua, e hanga hononga rānei i waenganui i te tangata me te mea.
He whānuitanga o ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te tangata – te riri, te harikoa, te harikoa, te aroha, te pōuri, me ētahi atu. Ka hanga hononga rātou ki te tangata i runga i ēnei kare ā-roto. Ina whakakotahihia ēnei kare ā-roto, ko te hononga kare ā-roto e pā ana ki tētahi hononga kaha ki tētahi (hoa, hoa rangatira, mātua – ahakoa ko wai) e pā ana ki a koe tētahi huinga kare ā-roto motuhake.
Ahakoa he mea nui te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa e hangaia ana e tātou, ka noho hei mea nui rawa atu mō te oranga tonutanga o ngā whanaungatanga aroha. Me hanga e koe he whanaungatanga kare ā-roto ki tō hoa rangatira mēnā e hiahia ana koe kia kaha tō whanaungatanga, kia ora ai i ngā awha. Ko te korenga o te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga ka puta te pouri, ā, ka mutu ka pakaru. Koinei te huānga e tupu ai, e puāwai ai te aroha.
Mā te mōhio hohonu ki tō hoa rangatira ka āwhina i te hanga hononga kare ā-roto ki te tāne, ki te wahine rānei. Ko te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi, te whakapuaki i ō harikoa me ō pōuri, te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi, te whakaatu i te aroha, me te noho ngoikore me te ngoikore tetahi ki tetahi, he tauira hononga kare ā-roto hei rapu i roto i te whanaungatanga. Mā ēnei ka āwhina koe ki te mārama ki ngā mea e harikoa ai, e pōuri ai rānei tō hoa rangatira, ngā mea e whakarihariha ai, e riri ai rānei rātou, me pēhea tā rātou tauhohe ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē, ngā mea rānei e tangi ai rātou.
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Ngā Hua o te Hononga Kare ā-roto i roto i te Hononga
He punga te hononga kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga e āwhina ana i ngā hoa e rua ki te wikitoria i ngā āwhā e pā mai ana ki a rāua. Kāore e taea e te whanaungatanga te tupu me te kore taua hononga. E kore e taea e koe te mōhio, te whakatata atu rānei ki tētahi mena kāore koe e rongo i te hononga kare ā-roto ki a rātou. He mea pai hoki mō tō oranga hinengaro me tō oranga tinana nā te mea ka kawea mai e ia te harikoa parakore, kāore he tātari. Anei ētahi painga o te rongo i te hononga kare ā-roto ki tō hoa aroha:
He punga pumau tēnei mō tētahi whanaungatanga e āwhina ana i ngā hoa e rua kia ora i ngā āwhā e pā mai ana ki a rāua. Kāore e taea e tētahi whanaungatanga te tupu pai me te kore taua whanaungatanga. E kore e taea e koe te mōhio, te whakatata atu rānei ki tētahi tangata mēnā kāore koe e piripono ana ki a rātou i roto i te ngākau. He mea pai hoki mō tō oranga hinengaro me te tinana nā te mea ka kawea mai e ia he harikoa parakore, kāore he tātari. Anei ētahi painga o te piripono ki tō hoa rangatira:
- Ka hanga i te wairua o te haumaru me te tūpato
- E kitea ana koe, e rangona ana, e whakamanahia ana hoki
- Ka tukuna te oxytocin me ētahi atu homoni e hari ai koe, e harikoa ai hoki
- Ka hanga whakaute tahi, te whakawhirinaki, me te tautoko i roto i te whanaungatanga
- Kua tutukihia ō hiahia kare ā-roto, he mea nui tēnei mō te hauora o te tinana me te hinengaro
10 Ngā Tohu He Hononga Wairua Tōu ki tētahi
He tohu tonu kei a koe he hononga hohonu ki te tangata. Tērā pea ka āwhina ēnei tohu i a koe ki te kimi mēnā kei te hono koe ki te tangata, ki tō hoa wahine, ki tō hoa tāne rānei, kei te whakawhirinaki rānei koe ki ētahi atu hei whakatutuki i taua hiahia mō te hononga ki te tangata. Tērā pea ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā āputa me te hanga i runga i te hononga ki te tangata. Ahakoa pēhea, anei ngā tohu pono e 10 o te hononga ki te tangata, ki te wahine rānei:
1. Ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga piripono – Te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa
Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga angitu . Ki te kore, tera pea ka pakaru wawe te whanaungatanga. Ina he hononga hohonu tōu ki tētahi, ka ako aunoa koe ki te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi. Ko te whakawhirinaki te tohu kei te noho haumaru koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa he tohu anō hoki kei te whakaute koe i a ia.
He mea noa ngā arai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, engari, ki te whakawhirinaki koe, ka mōhio koe kei te aro nui tō hoa ki ōu painga. E kore koe e noho morearea, e kore rānei e māia ina tino kaha te hononga kare ā-roto ki tō hoa aroha, nā te mea e mōhio ana koe, e whakawhirinaki ana hoki koe ki a ia kei te tautoko tonu i a koe.
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2. Kei a koe te wāhi ki te whakahē i ngā mea
I ētahi wā, he pai ngā tautohetohe . He mea noa ngā whakahē i ngā āhuatanga katoa o te ao. Ehara i te mea me whai whakaaro ōrite, me whai whakaaro ōrite rānei ki ngā mea me tō hoa. I roto i te whanaungatanga, me whai mana te tangata ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakahē me te kore e wehi kei whakahengia. Ko te ngana ki te mārama ki tō hoa te mea nui. Ina wātea he wāhi mō te whakahē, ka nui ake te whai tikanga o ngā kōrero. Ā, ina tupu tēnā, kia mōhio koe he hononga kaha tō kōrua ko tō hoa.
3. Ka mutu tō aro ki te āhua, ā, ka hohonu ake tō hononga
I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o tō whanaungatanga, ka aro nui koe ki tō āhua, ā, ka tino aro nui koe ki tō āhua. Engari, i te roanga o te wā, ka mutu tō aro ki tēnā. Ka mutu tō tirotiro i a koe anō i mua i te whakaata, kia tekau pea ngā wā i mua i te tūtaki ki tō hoa. Ka māia koe ki ō pajama me tō āhua. Ka piki ake te whanaungatanga i runga ake i ngā mea papaku pēnei i te āhua, ā, ko te nuinga o te wā ka noho ko te mārama tetahi ki tetahi me te noho tahi tetahi ki tetahi i roto i ngā āhuatanga katoa.
4. Ka taea e koe te noho ngoikore ki tō hoa
Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he aha ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga piripono, tāpirihia ki tō rārangi. He rerekē ki te whakapono rongonui, ko te noho ngoikore ki tō hoa he tohu o te kaha, ehara i te ngoikore. Mā te whakapuaki i ō hiahia, i ō wehi, me ō whakama i roto i te huarahi kore here, kore whakararuraru, e whakaatu ana i te nui o tō whakamarie ki tō hoa.
Ina kore tō ngoikore e kitea hei taumahatanga kare ā-roto engari ka whakaaetia, ka arohia, koinei te wā e mōhio ai koe he hononga kare ā-roto kaha tō kōrua ko tō hoa. Ina tukua e koe tō tiaki, ka hono atu koe ki tō hoa i tētahi taumata hohonu ake, tata ake. Mā te ngoikore ka puta te putanga pono rawa atu o koe, ā, ko te whakaaetia mō wai koe he tohu tino pai o te hononga kare ā-roto.
5. Ngā tauira hononga kare ā-roto – Te aro ki ngā mea iti o tō whanaungatanga
Hei te mutunga iho, e mōhio ana tātou katoa ko ngā mea iti te mea nui. Ina noho koe i roto i tētahi hononga kaha, ka aro nui kōrua ko tō hoa ki ngā āhuatanga o te oranga o ia rā. E mōhio ana koe ki tā rāua pai ki te wehe i ō rāua makawe, ki tā rāua inu tī, me ō rāua āhua whakarihariha. E mōhio ana koe ki ngā mea e menemene ai ō rāua mata, me ngā mea e whakapataritari ana i a rāua.
He whānui rawa pea ngā mea iti e mōhiotia ana e koe mō rātou. Mēnā he hononga kare ā-roto kaha tō kōrua ki tō hoa rangatira, ka puta noa mai ai ēnei mōhiotanga. Mā te aro ki ēnei kōrero iti ka āwhina i te hanga i te mōhiotanga, ka whakapakari hoki i te whanaungatanga. Ka whakawhanakehia e koe he hiahia ā-taiao ki ngā mahi o ia rā "kāore i te tino whakahihiri". Koinei tonu te mahi a te hinengaro hononga kare ā-roto.
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6. Ka taea e koe te rongo ina he tetahi mea
Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kaha o te hononga kare ā-roto ki te tāne, ki te wahine rānei. Mā te reo o tō rātou reo, mā te āhua rānei o ō rātou mata ka mārama koe kei te hē, kei te hē rānei tetahi mea. Ka tino mōhio koe ki te whakatau i te wā e rerekē ana tetahi mea i waenganui i a kōrua. Mēnā he hononga kare ā-roto hōhonu tō kōrua ki tētahi, kāore e hiahiatia te whakamārama i ngā taipitopito katoa. He tino aro nui kōrua ko tō hoa ki ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi. Kāore kōrua e hiahia ki te whakamārama i te kino o tō rā. Ka taea e tō hoa te rongo i tēnā ahakoa he tuhinga noa iho.
7. Te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero katoa mō te ao ki a rātou anō
Ahakoa he aha te mea e pā mai ana i roto i tō ao, ahakoa pai, ahakoa kino, e kore e taea e koe te tatari ki te whakapuaki atu ki tō hoa. Ka whakapuakihia e koe ngā purongo nui me ngā mea iti me te harikoa kotahi. Ki te kore e taea e koe te kōrero atu ki a rātou, kāore koe e tino makona, e makona rānei. Ahakoa he rerekē ō kōrua oranga, mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa ka hangaia he momo mahi tahi e tohu ana i te hononga kaha o te kare ā-roto.
8. Te ngana ki te whai wāhi atu, ki te mārama rānei ki ngā hiahia o tō hoa
I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kaha te ngākau, ka whakapau kaha kōrua ko tō hoa ki te mārama ake ki ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi. Ka whakapau kaha kōrua ki te mārama ki te hiranga o tētahi hiahia, ā, ka whakaute hoki i taua hiahia. Kāore tētahi o kōrua e whakaaro noa ki tētahi , engari ka whakatenatena kōrua i ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi. Ahakoa he rerekē ō kōrua hiahia me ō kōrua mahi whakangahau, i te mutunga, ka kitea e kōrua he huarahi hei whakataurite.
9. Ngā tohu o te hononga kare ā-roto ki te tāne, ki te kōtiro rānei – Te whakaae tetahi ki tetahi
Ina kei roto koe i tētahi hononga hohonu o te kare ā-roto, ina kua hanga hononga kaha rānei koe ki tō hoa, ka mārama koe he maha ngā hapa o roto i a tātou katoa. Ina ako koe ki te whakaae tetahi ki tetahi ahakoa ngā hapa me ngā ngoikoretanga, koinā te wā e mōhio ai koe kei te hono atu koe ki taua tangata.
Kāore koe e ngana ki te whakarerekē i te tangata kē, kāore hoki koe e hiahia kia pai ake ia, e ai ki tāu ine. Ina he hononga kaha tōu ki ngā kare ā-roto, ka whakaae noa koe ki te tangata e āhua ana ia, me te kore e amuamu mō ngā huarahi ka taea e ia te whakarerekē kia pai ake ai ki ō hiahia me ō hiahia.
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10. Ko te taatai te tuarua ki te hononga kare ā-roto
Ina he hononga hohonu tōu ki tētahi, ka memeha haere te hiahia, te hiahia rānei ki te moe tāne. He mea nui te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā-ira rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga , engari ki te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto, ka hohonu ake tō hononga ki tō hoa. He maha ngā wā ka pā ki a koe ngā wā whanaungatanga kore-ira i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te pupuri ringa, te awhi rānei i tō hoa, ka taea te whakaoho i te wairua whanaungatanga hohonu, engari kāore he tikanga moe tāne.
Tohutohu Matua
- Ko te hononga kare ā-roto he whakakotahitanga o ngā kare ā-roto e hanga hononga ana i waenganui i te tangata, e whakatata atu ai hoki ki a rātou.
- Ko te wairua haumaru, te whakawhirinaki, te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, me te tautoko ētahi o ngā painga o te whakawhanake i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto ki tētahi. Ka tutukihia ō hiahia kare ā-roto, he mea nui tēnei mō tō oranga whānui.
- Ko te kaha me te herekore ki te tautohetohe, ki te noho ngoikore tetahi ki tetahi, me te kore e aro ki te āhua o te tinana, ko ētahi o ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga piripono.
- Ki te taea e kōrua te whakapuaki i ō kōrua kare ā-roto me ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō kōrua ao, te whai wāhi atu ki ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi, me te whakaae tetahi ki tētahi ahakoa ō kōrua ngoikoretanga me ō kōrua hapa katoa, kia mōhio kōrua he hononga kaha tō kōrua tetahi ki tetahi.
Anei ētahi tohu o te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake i te ariā. Ko te hanga hononga kare ā-roto ki tētahi e hiahia ana ki te wā, te kaha, me te manawanui. Engari koinei te kare ā-roto tino whai hua nā te mea e mōhio ana koe kei reira tētahi tangata ka taea e koe te noho ko koe anake, ā, ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki atu ki a ia mō te tautoko.
FAQs
Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakawhanake i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto ki tō tāne, ki te mea rānei kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe e hono ana i tō kare ā-roto ki tō wahine, kaua e manukanuka! Ka taea e koe te whakamātau i ētahi huarahi hei whakawhanake i tētahi hononga. Puta atu i taua anga! Ngāna ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto ki tō hoa.
Hei utu, me whakarongo pai hoki koe, kaua e whakarongo noa ki ngā mea. Ko te mea nui, kaua e ngana ki te whakatika, ki te whakarerekē rānei. Mā te noho tahi i ētahi wā kounga ka āwhina pea i a koe ki te hanga hononga hohonu ki ngā kare ā-roto.
Āe. Ki te mea he uaua ki a koe te hanga hononga kare ā-roto ki tētahi tāne, kei te hē koe. He whakaaro hē nui te kī he whakarihariha ngā tāne ki te hononga kare ā-roto. Me whai hononga te tangata ki tētahi atu tangata. Me whakatutuki ngā hiahia kare ā-roto o ia tangata.
Ko te whakaaro tawhito ko te taatai anake te mea e hiahia ana ngā tāne, ā, kāore he hiahia ki te hono atu ki ngā kare ā-roto, kua tukuna iho mō ngā whakatipuranga, ā, kua hua ake he māramatanga kino ki ngā kare ā-roto o ngā tāne. E hiahia ana ngā tāngata katoa ki te whai hononga ki tētahi atu. E pai ana ngā tāne ki ngā kōrero hohonu me te whakaaro kei te manaakitia rātou, pērā i ngā wāhine. Pērā i ngā tāngata katoa, kāore he rerekētanga o ngā tāne.
Kāore he whakamāramatanga whānui mō te tikanga o te hononga kare ā-roto, engari ka mōhio noa koe ina hono koe ki te kare ā-roto me te tangata. Ka hipa te hononga kare ā-roto i te ao o te kukume tinana nā te mea ka mōhio koe ki te tangata mō tōna āhua tūturu. He maha ngā huarahi hei mōhio kei te hono koe ki te kare ā-roto me te tangata. Engari, ko te mea nui, ko tō pūmanawa ka whakaatu mai ki a koe te wā me te wā e hono ana koe ki te kare ā-roto me te mea kei te hono koe ki te kare ā-roto ki te tangata.
Te Mātauranga Hinengaro i roto i ngā Hononga: Kia Mau tonu te Aroha
Hononga Mura Mahanga – Whakamāramatanga, Tohu me ngā Wāhanga
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
