"E mōhio ana ahau me pēhea te pupuri i ngā whakahoahoa pai, nō reira ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu," te kata a Monica Seelochan, he kaituhi ihirangi i taku pātai atu ki a ia he aha te mea kotahi i kitea e ia kua tino whai hua ki tana marena kaha.
He āhuatanga tēnei e oatihia ana e ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro marena me ngā kaiwhakaako ora katoa kia whai tikanga ai te whanaungatanga mō te wā roa – arā, te kimi i te whakahoahoa i roto i te marena. Ina ko tō tāne tō hoa pai, ka nui ake te whakamarie, he momo mahana e kore e kitea i hea atu, ā, he turanga pakari hoki hei hanga whanaungatanga.
He Pānui e Pā Ana: Ina Hihiko Taku Tāne
Ko te ataahua o te whakahoahoa pono kei roto i te whakaae ngākau nui, ahakoa ngā ngoikoretanga, nō reira, ki te mea ko tō tāne tō hoa pai, ka māmā ake ki a koe te whakapuaki i ngā mea ki a ia, he mea kāore pea koe e whakapuaki ki tētahi tāne, i te wehi kei whakahengia koe.
Ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatuwhera i a koe ki ngā wheako hou, kia pai ake ai tō putanga ake o koe. He whanaungatanga kore-whaiaro anō hoki tēnei, he rerekē ki ngā marena e kore nei e tutuki ngā tumanakohanga me ngā tono ka arahi ki ngā pakanga me te pouri. Ā, he pono, he nui ake ngā tūponotanga ka roa ake i ngā marena e kore nei he rite o te tokorua.
13 Ngā Take i Ko ai taku Tāne hei Hoa Pai mōku
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Kāore he mea miharo he moemoeā tēnei mā ngā wāhine katoa kia noho i roto i tētahi marena e ahu mai ana i te whanaungatanga hōhonu. Engari me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā ko tō hoa rangatira tō hoa rangatira?
Anei tētahi whakamātautau māmā. Tirohia ngā kōrero i raro nei me ngā mea e ātaahua ai i runga i tā mātou kōrero ki ētahi wāhine. Mēnā ka pārekareka ki a koe, ka taea e koe te kī me te whakahīhī 'Ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu.'
1. Kāore ā mātou tumanakohanga kāore i te tino pono
I te wā e whakaipoipo ana, he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakaatu ana i ō rātou āhua huna nā te mea e hiahia ana rātou ki te miharo i tā rātou hoa pea . Ka tere te huri o ngā mea i muri i te marena.
Ko ngā āhuatanga tonu i kitea e koe he ātaahua, i warewarehia rānei i te wā e whakaipoipo ana, ka huri hei tino raruraru ina tīmata kōrua te noho tahi.
Ki te hoa, kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakaari. "Ehara i te aroha i te kitenga tuatahi , i tīmata māua hei hoa i mua i te marena, ā, e mōhio ana ia ki aku whanonga whakarihariha katoa," te kī a Maria Nichols, he kaihōtaka e whakapono nui ana ki te ariā 'hoa hei hoa rangatira'.
"Ko te mutunga iho, i mau tonu te āhua nei ahakoa i muri i te marena, nō reira ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu, ā, kāore au e hiahia ki te huna i a ia anō. He mea whakamiharo te taumata whakamarie o taua whakaaro," tāna tāpiri.
2. He nui te whakaae
Ehara te hoahoa i te mea e pā ana ki ngā mahi a te tangata ki a koe, ki a koe rānei. Engari, he kōwhiringa ā-hinengaro, ā-tinana hoki e mahia ana e kōrua i runga i ngā hiahia me ngā uara ōrite. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te 'whakaaro, ki te whakamahere rānei' i mua i te whiriwhiri i tētahi hei hoa māu.
E ai ki a Howard rāua ko Danielle, he tokorua harikoa, he YouTuber, he kaiwhakaū hoki i te Marriage on Deck, he mea noa iho ngā tumanakohanga teitei mō ngā whanaungatanga aroha. "He maha ngā wā ka rongo koe i te iwi e kī ana 'E aroha ana ahau ki taku hoa rangatira engari kāore au e pai ki a ia, he tohu rerekētanga tēnei'".
"Engari ki te tangohia e koe ō whakaaro whakahāwea katoa, ō whakaaro kua whakaritea i mua, ō tumanakohanga mai i tētahi tangata, ka whakaaetia ia e koe mō tōna āhua tūturu. Kātahi ka kore he aha mēnā ehara ia i te mea tino tika," te kī a rātou.
Mā te whakaae ki tō hoa rangatira i tōna āhua tūturu, ka waiho koe hei hoa pono māna.
3. Ko taku tāne taku hoa pai, taku tautoko nui rawa atu
Ehara i te mea ko ngā kupu taurangi 'i roto i te mate, i roto i te ora' he kupu noa iho hei whakapuaki i mua i te pirihi i tō rā marena. I ngaro te mahi a Stacey Williams, he kaiako, i ngā pānga o te mate urutā i te taenga mai o tana tāne ki te whakaora i a ia.
Ehara i te mea he herenga engari nā te mea i aroha pono ia ki a ia. "He nui rawa taku aro ki te mahi, ā, he uaua ki te kore mahi, engari i mōhio taku tāne ki tēnei hiahia. I tū ia i tōku taha, i tautoko i ahau i ngā wā katoa, me te kore e whakatoi i ahau."
"Koira te wā i mōhio ai ahau ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu, ko ia hoki taku pūnaha tautoko nui rawa atu," tana kī. Mā te tautoko mutunga kore e homai e te hoa rangatira ka āwhina i a koe ki te tu atu i ngā āwhā katoa. Ehara ianei i te mea koinei te kaupapa o te whakahoahoa pono?
Pānui e pā ana: 6 Ngā Mea hei Kōrerorero ki ōna Taringa, hei Whakamā i a ia
4. Ka haere tonu mātou ki te whakatau
"Ka hari te tangata kua kitea he hoa pono, ā, nui atu te hari o te tangata kua kitea taua hoa pono i roto i tana wahine ." E whakamārama ana tēnei kīwaha nā te kaiwaiata o Austrian a Franz Schubert i ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio mō te whakahoahoa me te marena.
Whakahoutia ngā pō whakatā. Whakamaherehia me te hihiri rite tonu ki tō mua i te marena. I whakamahere a Meena Prasad nō Dubai, he kaiwhakahaere hokohoko i tētahi kamupene whakapaipai whare, ki te haere ki tētahi hararei hararei me ōna hoa nā te mea i hiahia ia ki te okioki i muri i ngā marama e noho ana ki te kāinga.
"Engari i muri mai ka kite ahau me whai wā taku hoa rangatira, pērā i ahau. Ko taku tāne hoki taku hoa pai, nō reira he aha e kore ai e hoatu he hararei poto ki a ia? He rā tino pai i whakahoutia ai māua," tana kī.
5. Kei te pai tonu tā māua noho tahi
" Ko te kōrero te mea tino nui ki ahau. Ka taea e au te kī ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu nā te mea he nui taku kōrero, ā, e pai ana ia ki te whakarongo," te kī a Monica. He pono, ko te kōrero pai te tūāpapa o ngā whanaungatanga kaha katoa.
Kei roto hoki i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te toi o te whakarongo. Ina whakarongo koe ki tāu wahine, ka tuwhera mai ia ki a koe. Ko tā Howard rāua ko Danielle tohutohu, "Ko te whakarongo ki tāu hoa rangatira he whakapuaki i ōna wehi me tōna harikoa. Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi pai rawa atu tēnei hei hanga i a ia hei hoa mōu."
Ina taea e koe te kōrero ki tō tāne pērā i tāu kōrero ki tētahi hoa tata e mārama ana, e aroha ana ki a koe, kāore he take ki te rapu i ēnei āhuatanga i waho o tō mārenatanga. He mea tino nui te koa ki te noho tahi me tō tāne.
6. He pai ki a mātou te moepuku
Ko tētahi o ngā take e hoha ai te nuinga o ngā marena, ko te ngaronga o te hihiri ā-ira tangata i muri i te wā roa. Me whakapau kaha ki te whakaara anō i taua hihiri. Ā, me mahi koe i taua kaha.
I ētahi wā, ehara i te mea mō te taatai. Ko ngā wā piripono noa iho , e tohu ana i te taumata whakamarie nui, me te kore he tinihanga, he nui hei whakau i te hononga i waenganui i te tāne me te wahine.
He maha ngā huarahi hei whakapai ake i te moe. He mea nui kia kaua e whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi mō te hiahia o tetahi ki tetahi mō te moepuku i roto i te marena. Nō reira, me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakahoki mai i te hihiri o tō oranga moepuku.
7. He aroha tō mātou tetahi ki tetahi
I muri i ngā tau tuatahi, ka memeha haere ētahi o te ngākau nui, ā, mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ko te mea pai hei whakakapi i tēnei ngākau nui ko te manaaki, te aro me te aroha. Ka taea te whakaatu i te wāhanga whakamutunga i roto i ngā huarahi maha, inā koa i roto i te whanaungatanga roa, ā, he mea nui tēnei hei whakapakari i te ngākau nui.
"Ahakoa he āwhina i ahau ki aku mahi o te whare, he whakatau rānei, he nui te noho tahi i roto i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e māua. Ko taku tāne taku hoa pai rawa atu? Ae rawa. Kāore au e hiahia ki te whakaaroaro anō ina hiahia ahau ki tētahi mea," te kī a Meena.
Ki a Meena, pērā i te tini o ngā wāhine, ko ngā mea iti te mea nui. Ehara i te mea ko ngā koha nui , ko ngā mahi whakahirahira rānei, engari ko ngā mahi iti e tohu ana i te aroha me te māhana, me te kore e hiahia ki te whakaatu ki te ao katoa, ka huri haere tō rātou ao.
Pānui e pā ana: 20 Ngā Āhuatanga hei Rapu i roto i te Tāne
8. Kāore ā mātou mea ngaro tetahi i tetahi
"Ki te mea ko taku tāne taku hoa pai, he aha ahau me huna ai i ngā mea i a ia?" te take a Maria e whakamārama ana i tana whakatau i te pō o tana marena – kia whaki ia i ana whanaungatanga o mua.
"He mea rerekē," tana kī tonu. "Engari i te whakarite i ngā mahere mō te heke mai, i whakatau mātou ki te whakawhitiwhiti i ngā mea ngaro katoa." Ko te mutunga iho, kāore rawa he wāhi i mahue mai ai he māramatanga hē, he ruarua rānei ka ara ake ai he raruraru i muri mai.
Pērā i a koe e kore e huna i ō ngoikoretanga, i ō wehi hohonu me ō mea ngaro i tētahi hoa tata, kaua hoki koe e mahi pērā ki tō tāne. Ki te aroha ia ki a koe, ka manakohia koe me ō mea ngaro.
9. He rite ā mātou hiahia
Ahakoa he rerekē ngā mea e kukume ana, he rite tonu ngā hiahia o te hunga whakahoahoa . Ehara ianei i te mea koinei te take e whiriwhiri ai koe i ngā hoa hei haere tahi ki te hokohoko, ki te haere tahi rānei ki te karapu? Ā, e mōhio ana tātou, ka roa ake te whanaungatanga i te kukume.
Mena kei te tautoko kōrua ko tō hoa tāne i te kapa Los Angeles Dodgers, i te kapa rānei o Roger Federer, he pai rawa atu! He pai te ao ina rerekē ō kōrua hiahia, engari he maeneene ake ina rite ō kōrua hiahia.
Ka taea e kōrua te mahi tahi i ngā mea ngahau, ā, kāore e hiahiatia kia tono whakaaetanga tetahi i tetahi, kia kaua hoki e manukanuka ki ngā kare ā-roto o tetahi i tetahi. Anō nei, ka piki ake te taumata whakamarie i waenganui i a kōrua, ā, ka iti ake ngā mea hei tautohetohe mā kōrua!
10. Ka tū tahi tātou tetahi ki tetahi
Ka tino whakamatautauria te whanaungatanga ina puta he raruraru. Ko te tautoko a tō hoa rangatira i a koe i aua wā uaua, ehara i te mea he tohu mōna anake, engari he tohu hoki mō te kaha o tō kōrua marena.
I a ia e whakamārama ana i tana wheako, e kī ana a Stacey, "I te ngaronga o taku mahi i te koretake, i tino iti rawa taku whakapono ki a ia anō, i te mea e pōhēhē ana ahau mō taku heke mai. He maha ngā hoa me ngā hoa pakihi i wehe atu i ahau."
"Ko Pita anake (tāna tāne) i tū i tōku taha, pērā i te toka. Kāore ia i whakarērea tōku taha, ā, i akiaki tonu mai ia i ahau kia whakamātau anō i taku mahi. I tino whakamātauhia ko taku tāne taku hoa pai, ko ia anake," tāna tāpiri.
Pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Huarahi Māmā ki te Whakaipoipo ki tāu Tāne
11. Kāore mātou e moe riri
"Ko ia te tangata tuatahi ki te hoki ki te pai o te rangimārie, nō reira ko taku tāne taku hoa pai. E tumanako tonu ana ahau kia haere mai aku hoa ki te taha o ahau i muri i te pakanga," te kī a Monica i te pātaitanga mō āna pakanga ki tana hoa rangatira.
Ko te ture tawhito, arā, kaua rawa e moe me te riri mō ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia, e whai hua ana i ngā wāhi katoa. Kaua e waiho te hohou i te rongo i muri i te tautohe mō tētahi atu rā. Mēnā ko tō hoa pai tō tāne, ehara i te mea kāore kōrua e whawhai.
Ko tōna tikanga, ka māmā ake te whakatikatika i te raruraru nā te mea kāore he whakapehapeha. Ahakoa ko wai ka mahi tuatahi, engari me whakarite kia kōrerohia, kia tautohetia, kia whakatauhia hoki ō rerekētanga i mua i te mutunga o te rā. Kaua e whakahaere i ngā pakanga mō tētahi atu rā.
12. He tikanga kua whakaritea tā mātou
Me atawhai tetahi whanaungatanga mā te whakamahi i tētahi tikanga whakahaere. Mā tēnei ka kore kōrua e whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi. Ina ko tō hoa rangatira tō tāne, ka tata noa te whai tikanga whakahaere, tikanga whakahaere rānei māna.
"Ka noho tonu aku parakuihi Rātapu me taku tāne, ahakoa pēhea," te kī a Maria. "I ngā rā katoa, he wātea māua ki te tūtaki ki ētahi atu engari ko te Rātapu te Rātapu mō māua. Ko taku tāne taku hoa pai, koinei te mea iti rawa ka taea e au te mahi māna."
I tēnei wā e pukumahi ana ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, he uaua te whakapau i te wā kounga . Nō reira, he mea nui kia whai ture hei tautoko i a rāua anō. Ā, ki te mea ko tō tāne tō hoa pai, kāore e kore he mahi hei mahi tahi.
13. He atawhai mātou, ā, e whakanui ana tetahi i tetahi
E kore e taea te noho i roto i te ao me te kore he pakanga. Ahakoa te hohonu o tō aroha, ko ngā whakahē me ngā pouri ki tō hoa rangatira he wāhanga o taua raruraru. Ko te mea nui ko te atawhai tonu tetahi ki tetahi.
Ki te riri koe ki tētahi hoa, kāore ianei koe e whakapau kaha ki te whakatau i te tautohe? Kāore e rerekē ki tō tāne. Ehara i te mea e whakaae ana koe ki ngā mea katoa, engari me pupuri tonu e koe te āhua pai mēnā ka whawhai kōrua.
Ahakoa kāore e taea e kōrua te hohou i te riri (e ai ki te kōrero i runga ake nei), kaua e amuamu, kaua hoki e kōrero riri . Engari, maumahara ki a koe anō ki tāu i kōrero ai mōna i ngā rā pai, 'Ko taku tāne taku hoa pai, taku tautoko nui rawa atu'
Ko te here o te whakahoahoa e ahu mai ana i ngā uara whakamiharo maha, ā, he mea utu nui. Ko te rapu i te hunga i roto i tō whanaungatanga marena me waiho hei whāinga māu, ā, ko ngā āhuatanga katoa e tautuhi ana i te marena pai – te pono, te whakawhirinaki, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera me ētahi atu – ka tau ki tōna ake tūranga. Nō reira, me kī atu koe ināianei, 'Kei roto i taku whanaungatanga ēnei āhuatanga katoa, ehara i te mea miharo ko taku tāne taku hoa pai'!
FAQs
Ka noho hei hoa pai rawa atu kōrua ko tāu tāne mā te manaaki i a ia me te mea he hoa pai rawa atu kōrua. Kāore kōrua e huna i ngā mea ngaro tetahi i tetahi, he rite tonu ō kōrua hiahia, he tikanga kua whakaritea mō kōrua, e whakapau ana i te wā kounga ki a kōrua, ā, e whakanui ana, e whakaute ana hoki i ngā mea e kawea mai ana e kōrua. Kāore he pātai mō te whakaiti a te tāne i a koe. Koinei te huarahi e noho ai kōrua hei hoa pai rawa atu mō tāu tāne.
Ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa ki tō tāne, mena ka whakaaro koe ko ia tō hoa pai, kaua ko te hoa rangatira anake. Kei te pono me te whakawhirinaki o tō marena te mea nui. Kei te hiahia koe ki te hanga hononga i runga i te whakawhirinaki? Me whai mana koe ki te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa ki tō tāne.
Ko te whakahoahoa te mea tino nui o te marena, nā te mea mā te whakahoahoa ka whiwhi koe i ngā mea katoa, arā, te whakawhirinaki, te pono, te aroha, te ngākau aroha me te manaaki. Ka tohaina e koe ēnei āhuatanga katoa ki tētahi hoa pai, nō reira he aha e kore ai ki tāu tāne e whakaae ana koe ki ngā oati marena?
Ae, ka taea e kōrua te noho hoa ki tō hoa rangatira i runga i te taumata o te pono me te whakawhirinaki kei a kōrua. Waihoki, ki te mea he rite ō kōrua hiahia me ō kōrua reka, ā, he rite hoki ō kōrua uara matua o te ao, he rite tonu te noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira ki te noho tahi me tō hoa pai.
12 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Kāore te Tāne e Aroha, e Aroha Ana rānei
8 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakapouri i a Ia Mō Te Kore I Kōwhiri I A Koe
Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
