20 Ngā Āhuatanga Hei Rapu I Te Tāne

He aha ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne? Hei whakautu i tēnei pātai, me ako i whakahaerehia e Richard A. Lippa. I tukuna he rangahau ki te BBC Internet, ā, i tae atu ki te 119,733 tāne me te 98,462 wāhine. He māmā noa te mahi: whiriwhiria ngā āhuatanga matua e toru e rapuhia ana e koe i roto i tētahi hoa. Nō roto tēnei i te rārangi o ngā āhuatanga e 23 e rere ana mai i te mohio me te uaua ki te whakatipu tamariki me te ataahua.

Ko ngā mea tino pai mō ngā wāhine? Te whakakatakata, te mohio, te pono, te atawhai, me ngā uara. Heoi, he mea tika kia mōhio ko te ātaahua, te ataahua o te kanohi, me te oranga tinana i tino teitei katoa i roto i te rārangi a ngā wāhine. He mea whakamīharo, ko te moni, te mana pāpori, me te whai rawa i raro katoa i te rārangi. Nā tēnei ka ara ake te pātai: He aha ngā tohu o te tāne pai hei marena? Me ruku hohonu tātou ki te tirohanga a te wahine mō ngā āhuatanga o te tāne marena pai.

20 Ngā Āhuatanga Hei Rapu I Te Tāne

He rerekē te oranga o te marena i te whanaungatanga. Ko te tikanga o te marena ki tētahi ko te oho ake i tōna taha i ia rā, i ia rā, me te kore e tukua te hoha o te katoa kia whakaiti i te kaha o tō whakapau kaha ki te mahi. Heoi anō, he haerenga tahi te marena kaha e roa ana mō ngā tekau tau, ā, i ētahi wā ka puta mai ngā wero kāore e taea e koe te mārama.

I te mea ka noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa tāne mō te wā roa, mā te whai i ngā āhuatanga o te tāne pai ka taea e ia te hanga i tēnei haerenga hei haerenga harikoa, whai hua hoki. Nō reira, anei ngā mea e 20 me mahi e te tāne. Kāore ēnei i te mea kua whakaritea, engari i te wā roa, ka whai hua ki a koe, nō reira me aro koe ki ēnei āhuatanga whakamiharo i a koe e whiriwhiri ana i tō hoa tāne mō te wā roa:

1. He ngāwari te noho tahi me ia

Kua rongo pea koe i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e kōrero ana mō te āhua o tā rātou "pāwhiritia," he āhuatanga e hono pinepinetia ana ki te te matū i waenganui i te tokoruaAhakoa te ahua o te wawata, kāore e tika kia pērā tonu. Ina hoki, me whakarite koe kia:

• Kāore koe i te mataara tonu ki a ia
• Kaua e whakapau kaha ki te miharo i a ia
• Kia haumaru koe i tōna aroaro, ā, ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ōu mea ngaro ki a ia

Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o tētahi tāne pea ko ia hei hoa pai mōu. Ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā mea katoa, me te kata mō ngā mea rerekē, ā, ki te puta he raruraru, me ngāwari te whakaoti i aua mea. Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o tētahi tāne pai hei marena ko te whakapau kaha kia kaua e huri i ngā pakanga iti hei pakanga kore e taea.

2. He atawhai ia, he aroha hoki

I hangaia he rārangi 'Ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e au i roto i tētahi tāne' e ngā kairangahau i Te Whare Wānanga o Göttingen i Tiamana me te taupānga hauora wahine Clue. Ko te rangahau i uiuitia neke atu i te 64,000 tāngata i roto i te 180 whenua, me te pātai ki a rātou he aha te mea e pai ai te tāne — me te whakaaro ki ngā paearu maha, mai i ngā manakohanga whakapono, tōrangapū tae atu ki te teitei. Anei ngā hua o te rangahau:

• Tata ki te 90% o ngā wāhine i kī ko te atawhai te mea tino pai rawa atu i roto i ngā āhuatanga e hiahiatia ana
• I whai tata mai ko te tautoko i te 86.5%.
• E 72.3% o ngā wāhine i kī ko te atamai te kounga tino pai ki a rātou i roto i te tāne.

Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora te tūāpapa o te marena harikoa. Koia te take he mea nui te aroha ki roto i tēnei rārangi o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne. Ko te mōhio kei a koe ō hiahia motuhake hei tangata, me te atawhai ki aua hiahia, koia ngā āhuatanga tino nui o te tane pai me te papa.

Ko ngā tāne whai āhua pai e aro nui ana ki te oranga o ngā tāngata tauhou, o ngā tamariki, o ngā kaumātua, me ngā kararehe. Ko te tāne e atawhai tika ana i a koe engari e kore e whakaute i te kaimahi i roto i te wharekai, e whana ana rānei i te kurī o te tiriti, ehara i te tāne tika. Ki te whāngai ia i ngā kararehe ngaro, ki te koha ki te rōpū aroha, ki te atawhai rānei i te hunga e karapoti ana i a ia, kua eke koe ki te tūranga 'tāne pai rawa atu'.

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3. Ki te whakapono koe ki te marena kotahi, me whakapono anō hoki ia

Heoi, ehara i te mea ko te marena kotahi anake te huarahi whakamua. Ko te marena kotahi tētahi o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne mō te hunga e whakanui ana i te hanganga o te marena. Heoi, ki te mea he tangata aroha maha ki te mahi i ngā whanaungatanga i tētahi atu huarahi, tera pea kei te rapu koe i tētahi mea rerekē. Ko te makona o te marena e whakawhirinaki ana ki te hiahia ki ngā mea ōrite. I mua i te marena i tāu tāne, me kōrero roa, taipitopito ki a ia mō ōna whakaaro mō:

• Monogamy
• Koiora
• Te whakapono

He ohorere rangahau e kī ana ka teka ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tetahi ki tetahi i ngā wā e toru i te wiki. Ae, kei roto hoki i tēnei ngā mea nunui pēnei i te tinihanga engari he āhua kino anō hoki teka ma pērā i te "Tino hoki mai ahau ki te kāinga i te wā tika i tēnei rā". Nō reira, ki te mea he wahine takakau koe e rapu ana i te hoa tino tika, kia mōhio koe ko te tinihanga me te kore whakahaere i a koe anō ngā tino take e kore ai e taea te whakarite.

4. He pai tōna wairua whakakatakata

i roto i te ako I whakahaerehia he rangahau ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine marena e 3,000 mai i ngā whenua e rima, ā, i kitea he harikoa ake ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te hoa whakakatakata. E ai ki ngā pūrongo, he mea nui ake tēnei āhuatanga mō te pai o te marena o ngā wāhine i ngā tāne. E ai ki te rangahau, "Tērā pea ka whakaarohia e ngā tāne te whakakatakata hei tohu hihiri kia whakakatakata, kia atawhai, kia mārama, kia pono hoki - hei tohu whakapau kaha."

I a koe e rapu ana i ngā āhuatanga pai o te hoa rangatira, me whakarite hoki e koe tōna tikanga o te whakakatakata e rite ana ki tāu. Kāore he katakata mō te tangata mō te ira tangata, te kaikiri, te whakaiti. Āraia he tāne i roto i tō ao mēnā ka kitea e koe ia e mahi ana i ngā katakata pēnei i:

• "Nō te kīhini taku wahine"
• "Kei te kōrero pakiwaitara tonu taku wahine me āna hoa"
• "Ka taea e ngā wāhine te rūpahu i te orgasm, engari ka taea e ngā tāne te rūpahu i tā rātou marena katoa"

5. He akoranga hou ia rā mai i a ia

Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga pai rawa atu hei rapu mā te tangata ko te te pakeketanga o te hinengaro ki te ako i tetahi mea mai i ia whai wāhitanga. Tērā pea kei ngā wāhi rerekē kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira e mahi ana, he rerekē rānei ō kōrua pūkenga. Ka tino hoha tō kōrua marena mēnā kāore e taea e kōrua te whakapuaki i ō kōrua wheako rerekē. Koia te take he hiahia ki te ako mai i a koe me te kaha ki te whakahihiko i ngā āhuatanga o te hoa rangatira me rapu e koe.

Tērā pea e mōhio ana tō hoa tāne ki te hanga hummus reka., tērā pea he mātau ia ki ngā take o nāianei. Ahakoa he aha te pūkenga, me taea e kōrua te whakapuaki tetahi ki tetahi, me te pārekareka ki te tukanga. Mā te kaha ki te tautohetohe tōrangapū ki a ia, ki te tautohetohe rānei ki a ia mō te nui o te huka pai i roto i te kapu tī, koinei te huarahi e taea ai e kōrua te kōrero whai hua i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga mō te wā roa.

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6. Ka meinga koe e ia hei tangata pai ake

"Ina aroha tātou, ka whai tonu tātou kia pai ake i a tātou anō. Ina whai tātou kia pai ake i a tātou anō, ka pai ake hoki ngā mea katoa e karapoti nei i a tātou." ― Paulo Coelho, Ko te KaiwhangaiKi te āhei tō whanaungatanga i a koe ki te tipu hei tangata, ā, kāore e aukati i tō ahunga whakamua, kua whakatakotohia e koe te turanga mō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora.

Me aha te tāne mā tana wahine? Hoko hei hoa tautoko i tana whanaketanga whaiaro. E mōhio ana pea koe ki te tangata ka moea e koe, engari e meinga ana koe e ia kia pai ake te noho hei tangata? Whakapono mai, ka pai ake te noho o te tangata i muri i te aroha! He mea tino nui te here i te here mo te wa katoa ki te tangata e whakaputa ana i te pai o roto i a koe mā te:

• Te akiaki i a koe ki te pana i ō rohe
• Te whakaute i ō kare ā-roto, kaua ki te whakatau i ngā whakatau māu ake
• Te whakahonore i tō wāhi/wā mokemoke

7. Kāore ia e aukati i a koe, i tō whanaungatanga rānei

Kāore koe e hiahia ki tētahi hoa mahi whaiaro e whakauaua ana i a koe ina whakapuaki koe i tō mana motuhake. Ae, he maha ngā tāne e tino kaha ana ki te whakawhāiti i ā rātou wāhine. Nā ngā tau maha o te noho hei tāne matua, ka matapo rātou ki ētahi tauira whanonga raruraru, pērā i,

• Te hiahia kia mōhio koe kei hea koe i ngā wā katoa
• Te whakahaere i te hunga ka taea, kāore rānei e taea e koe te whakawhanaunga
• Ko tā rātou he whakaae, he whakahē rānei i ō whiringa kākahu

I te rautau 21, ko ngā āhuatanga e 20 o te tāne pai ko te kaha ki te manaaki i a koe he rite, he hoa pono hoki, kaua hei tangata e tiakina ana e ia, e whakaorangia rānei i te ao. Kāore e hiahiatia kia kīia ki ngā wāhine he aha te mea me mahi, he aha te mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia. Ko te mea e pai ai te tāne ko tana whakatenatena i a koe ki te whakamātau i ngā mea hou, kaua ki te aukati i a koe. Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te rapu i te mea hei rapu mā te tāne, kimihia tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana ki a koe kia taea ai e koe te whakatau i ō ake whakatau, ā, kāore e hoki whakamuri ki te whakahaere i tō oranga. He rite koe, ehara i te mea hei hoa mōna.

8. Kei te rite ia ki te whakaae i ngā wā e tika ana

Ae, ka ora harikoa kōrua me ngā maharatanga pai. Engari ka rerekē anō hoki ō kōrua whakaaro. Kāore e taea e kōrua te noho tahi i te whārangi kotahi mō te toenga o tō kōrua oranga. Tērā pea ka tautohetohe anō kōrua nā te rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro. He mea noa ngā tautohetohe, ā, i ētahi wā, he mea tika anō hoki. Heoi anō, ka tīmata te heke o ngā āhuatanga mēnā ka tumanako tonu ia kia whakaae koe.

Ko te whakapono kāore ia e mahi hē ana, ehara i te mea pai i roto i te hoa tāne e āhei ai ia hei tāne. hononga hauora e karanga ana kia whakaae ngā taha e rua i tētahi wā. Nō reira, anei ngā āhuatanga o te tāne pai:

• Te hinengaro tuwhera me te hiahia ki te whai i te huarahi matua
• Te pakari o te ngākau me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pai mō te whakatau pakanga hauora
• Te kaha ki te kōrero whai tikanga ina pouri koe

Kaiako whanaungatanga whaimana Shivangi Anil e whakanui ana, "Hei kite i ngā tohu o te kore taurite, me aro tātou ki te wāhi e takoto ana te mana whakatau. Ā, mā te whakatau, ehara i te mea ko ngā whakataunga pūtea, whakataunga nui rānei anake. Ko ngā whakataunga mō te wāhi e noho ai kōrua, ngā mea e kai ana kōrua, me te hunga e taunekeneke ana kōrua hei tokorua. Kei roto i te kore taurite he mana kore taurite e taea ai e te tangata kei te tūranga kaha ake te whakatakoto i ō rātou hiahia me ā rātou tono ki tētahi atu tangata. I ngā wā tino kino, he whanoke kaha hihiri ka taea hoki te whakatakoto i te ara mō te tukino me te tutu."

9. He pai ia i runga i te moenga

He maha ngā wā kua kitea e ngā wāhine he tino aroha, he manaaki, he mārama hoki ā rātou tāne. Heoi anō, kāore tonu rātou i te tino harikoa i roto i tā rātou marena nā te mea kāore e taea e ā rātou tāne te... kia makona rātou i runga i te moengaIna whakaarohia ngā mea hei rapu mā te tāne, me whai whakaaro anō hoki ki te hototahitanga o te moepuku o te tokorua. Nō reira, anei ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne:

• He tangata aro nui ia ki ō hiahia me ō matea moepuku, ā, e whakaae ana hoki ki a ia.
• Ka panaia e ia ngā rohe o te ahuareka mōu
• Ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe, me ngā mea e harikoa ai koe
• E mārama ana ia ki te hiranga o te whakaaetanga, ā, e whakanuia ana e ia

Kaua e whakahawea ki tēnei āhuatanga, ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga tino nui o te tāne marena pai. E ai ki ngā rangahau, ka tinihanga ngā wāhine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hei tāpiri atu, ehara i te mea hei whakamutu. Akoranga E tohu ana hoki ko te 80% o ngā wāhine e rūpahu ana i ō rātou orgasm i te wā e moe ai.

10. He rite tonu ōna uara ki a koe

He rerekē ngā whakaaro, engari ki te kore tō hoa rangatira e rite ki ō kōrua uara, tera pea ka huri tō kōrua marena hei pakanga. Neke atu i te rua tau a Patty rāua ko Jake e noho tahi ana, ā, ahakoa kāore anō a Jake kia pātai atu mō tēnei, ko te ngā tohu e hiahia ana ia ki te marena i a ia i reira katoa. I tētahi rā i te pō Paraire, ka kōrero a Patty mō ngā tamariki o te heke mai, he mea whakamīharo kāore anō kia kōrerohia e rāua.

I te mutunga iho, i hiahia a Jake ki tētahi whānau nui, engari i hiahia a Patty ki tētahi momo noho kore tamariki. Nā tēnei rerekētanga whakaaro i wehe ai rāua. Koia te take he mea nui te kōrero mō ngā uara ina aromatawaihia ana ngā āhuatanga o te hoa tāne ā muri ake nei. Mena he rerekē ngā uara o tō hoa, me whakarite kia whakaute ia i tō tūnga. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te whakaaroaro koe ki ngā āhuatanga o tētahi hoa tāne pea, he mea nui te ōritetanga o ngā uara matua i te ao tūturu. Kei roto i ēnei uara ko:

• Ngā whakapono whakapono/wairua
• Te huarahi ki te pūtea
• Ngā kōwhiringa āhua noho (inu/hikareti/hikareti)
• Ngā tirohanga mō te whakapau kaha me te pono
• Ngā wawata mō te heke mai me te whānau

11. E tino hiahia ana ia ki te mahi tahi me koe i ngā mea hou

Kāore e taea e koe te tumanako ka ohorere koe i tō tāne me ngā mahi hou i ia rā, engari me harikoa ia ki te whakamātau i ngā mea hou me koe. Tērā pea he iti noa iho, pērā i te whakamātau i te wharekai hou e tuku kai ana i ngā kai Hainamana, he nui rānei, pērā i te eke parakaingaki. Me tumanako tō hoa rangatira ki te whakamātau me te tūhura i ngā wheako hou me koe.

Koia te take he hihiri ki te ora tētahi o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne. Ki te kore, ko te te hoha o te oranga marena ka tere te pānga ki tēnei āhuatanga. Mena kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakaahua i te tāne pai rawa atu, he tīmatanga pai te "Tētahi e taea ai e koe te tūhura i te ao tahi". Ā, he tangata hoki e whakapau kaha ana ki te tūhura me pēhea te noho hei tāne pai.

12. Ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā mea katoa

Tērā pea kei te riri koe ki tō hoa, engari e mōhio ana koe ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe. Nō reira, korero nui ā, ko te ngāwari o te aro atu ngā āhuatanga o te hoa pai i roto i te marena. Mena ko tāu tāne te tangata tika, ka taea e koe te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā take uaua, ā, kāore koe e wehi i tana urupare. Ka whakarongo ia ki a koe, ka whakatika i ō raruraru, kaua e kī he koretake tāu tautohetohe.

Nō reira, ko te pūkenga whakarongo pai tētahi o ngā āhuatanga e kore e taea te tautohetohe mō te tāne pai. ako Nā Faye Doell i whakahaere, i whakaatu mai e rua ngā momo whakarongo: ko te "whakarongo hei mārama" me te "whakarongo hei whakautu". Ko te hunga e "whakarongo hei mārama" he nui ake te harikoa i roto i ō rātou whanaungatanga tangata i ētahi atu. Ahakoa e whakaaro ana te tangata kei te whakarongo pea rātou hei mārama, ko tā rātou mahi tūturu he tatari ki te whakautu.

13. E maioha ana ia ki ō āhuatanga pai, ā, e whakaae ana ki ngā āhuatanga kino

He hapa tō te tangata, tō te tangata. Me rapu noa koe i te tangata tika hei tautoko i ō hapa, me ō hapa anō hoki. Ka maioha te tāne pai ki a koe mō ō āhuatanga pai katoa, engari ka whakaae hoki ki ō āhuatanga kino. Nō reira, he tino tika ia hei tāne mēnā kāore:

• Ka riria koe ina mahi hapa koe
• Whakaitihia koe i ia wā e manukanuka ana koe
• Me tono atu koe kia hurihia tō tuakiri

E kore ia e iti iho tōna aroha ki a koe nā te mea kāore koe e horoi ana i tō kāpata, nā te mea rānei kei te tomuri tonu koe, engari ka āwhina ia i a koe kia pai ake ai tō āhua hei painga mōu ake. Ki te kore koe e mārama ki ngā āhuatanga e tika ana kia whai i te tāne, waiho te manawanui me te manawanui ki te tūranga tuatahi i roto i tō rārangi.

14. Kāore ia e hiahia ana kia "toa" i ngā wā katoa

Ehara i te mea ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne engari i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa e tupu ana i runga i te aroha. Kāore e taea te whakakore i te meka he mea kore e taea te karo i ngā tautohetohe me ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa. He kaha tō te tokorua pakeke ki te whakatika i ngā raruraru me te whakatau i aua raruraru, kaua ki te:

• Huri-whakapae
• gaslighting
• Te whakakohatu

Ko te tāne pakeke, whai kawenga hoki, ka hiahia ki te whakatau i ngā take, ā, kāore e haere tonu te tautohe kia toa ai i tētahi ara. I tētahi atu taha, ko te tangata whakahihi, ko te hoa kino rānei, ka ngana noa ki te turaki i a koe mā te whakapōrearea i a koe, te whakapae i a koe, me te whakaaro kāore koe e taea te mahi. Kāore koe e hiahia kia puta mai taua momo āhua kino/kino i roto i tō marena. Nō reira, ko ngā āhuatanga o te tāne me uru ki roto ngā pūkenga whakaoti rapanga, kaua ki te hiahia ki te toa ahakoa te aha.

15. E tautoko ana ia i ōu hiahia

He aha ngā āhuatanga o te tāne pai hei marena māu? Me hiahia koe ki tētahi hei tautoko i ō whakatau, hei tautoko hoki i a koe. Ahakoa te āhua nei he mea kua oti kē te whakarite, heoi anō, ahakoa te whanaketanga o te wā e ora nei tātou, he maha ngā tāne e tumanako tonu ana kia takaro ā rātou wāhine i te tūranga tuarua i roto i te marena. Hei tauira, i roto i te maha o ngā marena, ko tētahi o ngā ngā āhuatanga pai o te wahine ko te whakarērea i tana mahi i muri i te whānautanga o te pēpi mēnā e hiahiatia ana e te āhuatanga. Heoi, kāore pea tēnei e mahi i tēnei ao hou.

Me hiahia tō hoa tāne ki te mōhio ki ō hiahia, ā, me mahi i ngā mea katoa hei āwhina i a koe ki te whai i aua hiahia. Kimihia he tāne hei whakaara ake i a koe, kaua hei whakaiti i a koe. Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga whakamiharo o te hoa tāne o muri mai ko tōna noho hei kaiārahi nui mōu, hei akiaki i a koe ki te whai i ō moemoeā me ō whāinga.

Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Huarahi hei Hanga i tō Hononga i Muri i te Taumautanga me mua i te Marenatanga

16. Ngā āhuatanga hei tirotiro mā te tāne: He tika tana mahi ki tō whānau

Ehara i te mea ko te hononga o ngā tāngata tokorua anake te marena whakamiharo, engari ko ngā whānau e rua anō hoki. Tērā pea kāore he raruraru o tō hoa ki te whakaatu i te aroha ki a koe, engari ki te mea ia kāore e manaaki i tō whānau Ahakoa te āhua e tika ana kia atawhaitia rātou, ehara ia i te tangata tika māu. Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne kāore e arohia ana e te nuinga, ā, ka mutu, ka ara ake he pakanga me te mauahara. Ko te karo i te noho tahi me tō whānau, te karanga ingoa kino i a rātou, te tautohetohe ki a rātou, me te kore whakaute i a rātou i ngā wā katoa he tohu tēnei o te tangata koretake, te tangata kino. Ko te tāne haepapa, ehara i te mea ko koe anake te tangata e aroha ana, e whakaute ana hoki i a koe, engari ko tō whānau anō hoki.

17. Kāore ia e tino whakawhirinaki ana ki a koe

I roto i te marena, ka tīmata te whakawhirinaki o ngā hoa rangatira tetahi ki tetahi mō ngā mea maha. Koinei te āhua tūturu o ngā mea. Heoi, he rerekētanga i waenga i te whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki-tahi me te whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki-tahi. Ahakoa he pai te whanaungatanga tuatahi, ko te whanaungatanga tuarua he tohu o te paitini. Kāore e kore ka hiahia koe ki tētahi hoa rangatira e kore e whakawhirinaki ki a koe tae noa ki te taumata ka whakaitihia tō tuakiri hei kaitiaki tonu māna.

Me rapu e koe tētahi tāne e ora tonu ana ahakoa kāore koe i te taha mō ngā rā katoa, mō ngā rā katoa o te wiki. Me taea e ia te whakahaere i ngā mahi o te whare ko ia anake, kaua e noho hei tāne noa iho. tane mangereMe taea e ia te:

• Tunua ngā kai ina pukumahi koe
• Tākaihia ana peke mō te haerenga mahi
• Pikaua tana wāhanga o ngā kawenga hei mātua

18. Ka akiaki ia i a koe kia whai oranga i waho o tō whanaungatanga

Ka mārama te tāne tino pai kāore tō kōrua oranga e aro tonu ana ki tō kōrua marena. E kōrero ana te tohunga hinengaro mō te wāhi hauora i roto i te whanaungatanga. Jaseena Backer e mea ana, "Me wātea tēnei wāhi mō ngā hoa mahi, kaua e nui mō te whakaurunga mai o tētahi atu rōpū." 

Ehara te wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga i te tohu kino ā, ka taea e te tāne pai te kite i tēnā. He aha ngā āhuatanga e tika ana kia mau i te tāne? Ko te āheinga ki te kite he tangata motuhake koe me ōu ake hiahia, ōu ake mea e pai ai, me ōu ake mea e kore e pai ai, me tino tika kia eke ki te taumata e tika ana. Nō reira, ko ngā mahi a te tāne pai he whakatenatena i a koe ki te:

• Whakahaerehia ngā mahi hou
• Whakawhanaunga ki ō hoa
• Whakapaua he wā ki a koe anō
• Whakamātauria ngā mea hou me te kore ia

19. Ka tukua e ia kia ngoikore ia ki a koe

Tohunga whanaungatanga Ridhi Korekāha e kī ana, "He rerekē te āhua o te mamae e pā ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Ka mutu, ka pehia e ngā tāne ō rātou mamae kare ā-roto, ā, ka kaha ake. Ka mau rātou i tētahi kanohi rūpahu o te maia, ā, kāore e taea te whiwhi i te aroha e taea ana e te tangata e whakaatu ana i te ngoikore te whiwhi. Waihoki, ka whakamahia e ngā tāne ētahi atu huarahi hei whakahaere i ō rātou mamae (pēnei i te riri, te rapu utu, te whakaeke, te tukino tinana rānei)."

He maha ngā wā ka raru ngā tāne i te whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-rotoKi te kitea e koe tētahi e kore e wehi ki te tuku i tōna tiaki, kia kite ai koe i ōna ngoikoretanga, whakaarohia tēnei hei āhuatanga o tētahi tāne pai. Mārenatia ia mēnā:

• Ka mahi i ngā mahi hei whakatuwhera i ō whakaaro ki a koe
• Kāore e hiahiatia kia whakamatauhia tōna kaha/tōna māia
• Ka whakapau i te wā kounga, ka whakaatu i tōna taha ngoikore

20. Kei te tumanako ia ki te tīmata i tētahi oranga tahi me koe

Ehara i te mea e pai ana ki te katoa te noho hei tāne. Nō reira, ki te kore ia e tino hiahia ki te marena, ā, kei te mahi ia i tēnei mea nā te pēhanga, nā te mea rānei he herenga, ka tata te taka o tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki ngā wai pōrearea. he tangata e hiahia pono ana ki te marena ka mōhiotia mai i te tīmatanga.

Ahakoa ka āta haere ia, ka āta whakamārama ia i te āhua. Ahakoa ka tono ia kia tatari koe kia tae atu ia ki tētahi tūranga mahi, kia whiwhi moni rānei, ka mau tonu tana whakapau kaha. Ko tēnei hiahia kia kite i a koe me ia ā muri ake nei, me te kore koe e whakaaro, e whakaaro rānei ki te ahunga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, he āhuatanga ataahua tēnei e tohu ana ko ia tō hoa tāne.

I te mutunga iho, he nui atu i te aroha noa iho te marena. Ina oati koe ki te noho tahi me tētahi tangata mō te wā roa, me nui atu i te aroha anake te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe kia taea ai e koe te whakatere i ngā wai pōuriuri ka tūtaki pea koe. Ina kua kitea e koe te nuinga o ngā āhuatanga hei rapu mā te tāne, ā, e mōhio ana koe ka tautoko tō hoa i a koe i ngā tau maha, ka māmā ake te hoe i ngā wai pōuriuri.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.