Me pēhea te wehe i tō hoa ina noho tahi kōrua?

Ka taea e te whanaungatanga noho tahi te huri hei marena harikoa mō te tini o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. I tēnei ao, kei te piki haere te rongonui o te ariā o ngā whanaungatanga noho tahi i ia rā, nā te mea he ngāwari, he ngāwari hoki. Engari i ētahi wā, kāore pea te whanaungatanga e tutuki i te whakamahere. I taua wā, me whakaaro koe me pēhea te wehe i tō hoa ina noho tahi kōrua.

Engari, me pēhea te wehe i te hoa noho? Mā te whakaaro noa ki tēnā ka hiahia koe kia kaua e mahi i tēnā, kāore? Engari ki te mea kei te whakararu tonu te whanaungatanga i tō hauora hinengaro, ka mōhio koe ko te whakamutu i ngā mea katoa te huarahi anake.

Ehara i te mea pai tēnei āhuatanga, engari me whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga ina noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa. Mā te āwhina a te kaiako whakaipoipo. Geetarsh Kaur, te kaiwhakaū o Te Kura Pūkenga, he tohunga ki te hanga whanaungatanga kaha ake, me whakaaro tātou me pēhea te wehe i tō hoa noho.

Me pēhea te wehe i te whanaungatanga ina noho tahi kōrua?

Ka whiriwhiria e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te noho tahi i roto i te whare herehere nā te mea ka whai wāhi rātou ki te whakamātautau i tō rātou hototahitanga i mua i te whakatau ki te moe tahi. I muri i te noho tahi mō te wā roa, ka taea e ēnei tāne me ngā wāhine te ako ki te noho tahi, te wikitoria i ngā wero maha, me te "piki ake" ki te marena i te wā tika.

Engari he aha te mea ka puta te noho-i roto i te hononga kāore e mahi? Me pēhea mēnā kāore te hoa rangatira e hototahi ki a koe? Me aha rānei mēnā kei te noho tahi koe me ia? He aha te uaua o te wehe i te whanaungatanga me te tangata e noho tahi ana koe? He uaua ngā wehenga katoa, ā, ka tino uaua haere ina noho tahi kōrua i te tuanui kotahi.

He rite tonu ki te noho hei tokorua kua marenatia, kāore he tohu ture. Ka rite kōrua ki te tokorua e ngā hoa, tae atu ki te whānau. Nō reira, ko te wehenga atu i tētahi e arohaina ana e kōrua, e noho tahi ana hoki, te mea tino uaua. He uaua ake ina wehe kōrua ina noho tahi kōrua, ā, he kurī tā kōrua, ina wehe rānei kōrua ina noho tahi kōrua, ā, he tamaiti tā kōrua. He tino uaua ake ngā take hei whakahaere.

Mā Geetarsh tātou e āwhina ki te whakatau me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga ina noho tahi kōrua. "Ko te mea tuatahi me mahi e tētahi tokorua pakeke ko te noho me te tuhi i ngā painga me ngā huakore o te whanaungatanga. He aha ngā mea e mahi ana, he aha ngā mea kāore e mahi ana? He aha ngā mea kāore e mahi ana e kaha ake ana i ngā mea e mahi ana?"

"Ko te taahiraa tuarua ko te whakamārama mārire a te hoa e wehe ana i te whanaungatanga he aha i tika ai kia tangohia te taahiraa o te wehenga. Kaua e whakarārangi noa i ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a rātou, me whakamahi i ngā kōrero 'tātou' mō ngā hapa o ngā whanaungatanga. Ina kōrero te tangata e hiahia ana ki te wehe i tā rātou e hiahia ana, me mahi mārire. Kāore e taea te whakatika noa me te whakamutu i tētahi hononga wā roa ina noho tahi kōrua mā te kī atu 'me kōrero tāua'.

E ai ki nga tatauranga, Mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakatau ana ki te noho tahi, neke atu i te haurua o rātou ka moe i roto i ngā tau e rima. I roto i taua wā anō, e 40% o aua tāne me ngā wāhine ka wehe. Tata ki te 10% o rātou ka noho tahi tonu me te kore e moe. Mō te 40% e raru ana ki tētahi mea pēnei i te, "Kei te noho ahau me taku hoa tāne, ā, e hiahia ana ahau ki te wehe", me whakaaro mārama koe, me whai whakaaro ki ngā mahi e whai ake nei.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ngā huakore o ngā whanaungatanga noho tahi?

1. I mua i te whakamutu i tētahi hononga noho tahi, whakaarohia

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakaaro mō te wehenga o te hoa noho tahi. He rite tonu ki te mamae o te whakarere, me te kore he pepa mahi. Mā te noho tahi me tō hoa ka kitea he maha ngā ngoikoretanga o tō whanaungatanga, ā, kāore he huarahi kē atu i tua atu i te wehenga atu i a rātou. Engari, i mua i te whakamutu i tō whanaungatanga, me mōhio koe ki te kaha o te āhuatanga. Pātai atu ki a koe anō ētahi o ēnei pātai i mua i tō whakatau ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga noho tahi.

• Kei te noho tonu te whakaaro kino i roto i te whare nā ngā taupatupatu whakapehapeha, te hae me ngā pakanga mana?
• He arohaehae, he hae rānei tō hoa mō āu whakatutukitanga?
• He nui ake rānei ā rātou whakaroa i te whawhai i te mea e tika ana?
• Kei te mahi tahi tō hoa i ngā mahi o te whare, kei a koe anake rānei te kawenga?
• E whai wāhi ana rātou ki tāna te wāhanga o ngā whakapaunga o ia marama nāu anake rānei te kawenga?
• Whai muri i te tautohetohe, ka whai tonu koe i te huarahi ki te hohou i te rongo ki tō hoa?

Mena he "āe" te nuinga o āu whakautu, he tika te whakatau kia wehe i muri i te neke tahi ki te noho tahi. Ko te mahi e whai ake nei ko te whakaatu i tō hoa ki ō kōrua raruraru mā te kōrero pono, me te whakapuaki i ngā purongo, e ai ki tā Geetarsh, i roto i te huarahi āta haere me te ngākau mārie.

2. Whakaritea mō te kōrero pono

"Kei te noho māua ko taku hoa tāne, ā, e hiahia ana māua ki te wehe i a māua, engari i taku kōrero mō te tūponotanga kāore e pai ngā mea katoa, nā tana tauhohenga nui rawa atu i hoki whakamuri ahau ki aku kupu. I tana pātai tonu mai mēnā kei te pērā tonu ōku whakaaro i a au e tangi ana, kāore i taea e au te ārai i te teka ki a ia me te kī atu kei te pai ahau ki te whakamātau," te kōrero a Jolene ki a mātou.

Heoi, ehara i te mea ngāwari te wehenga i a koe e noho tahi ana, ā, tera pea ka whakamatautauria koe ki te teka mō tō hauora kia kore ai e pāngia e te kōrero whakamā. Heoi, mā te mahi i tēnā ka noho tonu koe i roto i te whanaungatanga taumaha. Me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa kua roa koe e whakaaro ana mō te whanaungatanga, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero mōna.

He pai ake te whiriwhiri i tētahi wā e pai ana mō kōrua, nā te mea ka roa pea te kōrero. Kōrerohia ia me te ngākau, me te whakaatu ki a ia ngā "wāhi mamae" o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Kaua e whakamātau ki ngā mea e kore e pai. te huri-whakapaeTīmata ki te kupu "tātou" kaua ki te kupu "koe". Hei tauira, kaua e kī pēnei i te "Kei te pouri ahau," ka taea e koe te kī pēnei i te "Kāore tāua e pai ana tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kāore tēnei whanaungatanga e whai hua ana ki a tāua tetahi o ēnei."

Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i a kōrua e noho tahi ana me tō hoa, me tino pono koe ki tēnā. Ka taea e koe te kī pēnei, "Kei te kino tēnei whanaungatanga ki tō tāua hauora hinengaro (tinana rānei), ā, ehara i te mea e tika ana kia uru atu tāua. Kāore tāua e hototahi, ā, ka nui ake tō tāua harikoa i te korenga o tētahi i tētahi."

3. Kia rite ki te aro atu ki ngā hua kino rawa atu

E whakamārama ana a Geetarsh he aha te mamae nui o te wehenga i a tātou, me te aha hoki te mamae o te wehenga i muri i te neke tahi. "Ka noho pai te tangata ki roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ka riri te tangata nā te mea ka pakaru tōna rohe whakamarie. Kua taunga rātou ki te mahinga o ia rā, ki te whakawhirinakitanga me te piripono o ngā kare ā-roto. Ina pakaru taua mahinga, ka riri rātou. 

"He āhua tangata te whakakāhore ina puta he whakakitenga pēnei. Nō reira, i a koe e whakaaro ana me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga ina noho tahi kōrua ko tētahi, me whakaaro anō hoki koe kāore rātou e whakautu pai ina whakahuatia e koe." Mēnā ka tino kino te huringa o tō whanaungatanga noho tahi, me whai mahere putanga tārua koe.

He mea nui kia taea te ine i te urupare a tō hoa ki te kōrero mō te wehenga. Koia tonu te take, e ai ki tā Geetarsh, he mea nui kia kōrerohia tēnei kaupapa mā te āta haere, i roto i tētahi wā. Hei karo i ngā pānga kino rawa atu, me whakarite kia āta tirohia te āhua o tō hoa. Ki te tino riri rātou, ngana ki te whakamarie i a rātou. Ki te mea kei te whakakahore rātou, hoatu he wāhi me te wā ki a rātou.

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4. Ina wehe kōrua i a kōrua e noho tahi ana, rapua he tautoko mai i ō hoa

Mena kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te wehewehe i te noho tahi Ki te kōrero koe ki tō hoa rangatira, he mea pai tonu te kōrero ki ō hoa pai. Kāore rātou e whakahē i a koe mō āu whiringa, ā, ka āwhina i a koe i roto i tēnei raruraru kare ā-roto. Ka whakamārama a Geetarsh me pēhea te rapu tautoko. "Tuatahi, me mārama koe ko wai ō hoa tūturu, me ko wai hoki ka tino āwhina i a koe i roto i tēnei. Tuarua, ki te mea kei te whiwhi koe i tētahi hoa i waenganui o tō wehenga, kia tino mohio ehara te hoa i te tangata tauhou ki tō hoa rangatira."

"Me whakauru mai he hoa ina kore kōrua e mārama tetahi ki tetahi. Ki te kore, ka rerekē pea ngā āhuatanga nā te mea ka whakaaro pea tō hoa kāore koe i kōrero i ēnei mea ki ō hoa i mua i te kōrero ki a rātou. Ka mamae pea tēnā."

Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i a koe e noho tahi ana me tō hoa, kaua e whakapuaki i ngā kōrero uaua ki ō hoa i runga i ngā taupānga karere inamata pēnei i a WhatsApp. Ina koa mēnā kāore e taea e koe te wehe atu i muri i te wehenga atu i tō hoa noho tahi, ka tino uaua pea ngā āhuatanga. Nā te mea ehara tēnei i te mea ngāwari ki te pā, he āwhina te rapu tautoko mai i ngā hoa, i te whānau rānei. Ahakoa he hiahia noa koe kia whakarongo mai tētahi ki a koe, he manaakitanga te whai i tētahi hei kōrero atu.

5. Whakamaherehia te ara putanga me te whakaaro nui

Ki te mea kei te wehe koe i tētahi e noho ana i tō whare, kia mau tonu tō putea ohorere ki ētahi taonga nui mēnā kei te mataku koe kei pāngia koe e te mate tinana, e te mate rānei. te whakakino waha.

"Ko tētahi o ngā mea tino nui hei maumahara māu i te wā e whakamutu ana i tētahi hononga noho tahi, ko te whakarite kia whakaarohia ko wai me neke atu, ā, āhea hoki," te kī a Geetarsh. "Mēnā nō tētahi o koutou te whare e noho nei koutou, he mea nui kia kōrerohia mō te neke atu," tāna tāpiri.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kimi i te huarahi hei wehe i te hoa noho, pērā i te wehe noa. Me whakamahere koe i ngā mea pēnei i te ara wehe, ā, he maha ngā raruraru me maumahara koe.

6. Whakaitihia ngā raruraru

He maha ngā hoa noho tahi kāore e mutu i roto i ngā āhuatanga kino pērā i te mea kua whakahuatia ake nei. Tērā pea ka wehe kē te nuinga o ēnei hoa noho tahi engari ka mau tonu te whanaungatanga me te whakatau i ngā raruraru e whai ake nei i te wehenga. Tērā pea kei roto i tēnei ko te whakatakoto i tētahi rohe wā hei kimi i tētahi wāhi hou. Ko te mea pai, he 2-3 marama te roa hei kimi wāhi hou mō ngā hoa e rua.

Ki te taea e koe whakahaere i te wehenga I a tātou e noho tahi ana hei hoa pakeke, kāore he mea nui hei manukanuka. Engari, nā te mea he tangata katoa tātou, ehara i te mea ngāwari te noho tahi me te ngākau māhaki i muri i te wehenga. Nō reira, kia tino kōrerohia ngā raruraru ka puta mai i a koe e whakamutu ana i tētahi hononga roa ina noho tahi kōrua.

7. Kōrerohia ngā whakaritenga noho i muri i te wehenga

E kī ana a Geetarsh, "Ae, he tino uaua te whakarite i ngā whakaritenga noho i muri i te wehenga. Me mutu tonu ngā mea i mahia e kōrua i mua, ā, me kōrero anō hoki mō ngā whakaritenga taketake pēnei i te tunu kai me te kai, te horoi kakahu, me ētahi atu. I muri i te wehenga, kāore e taea e te tangata kua wehe te noho pōuri mō ngā whakaritenga noho."

"Kāore e taea te whakamutu i tētahi hononga noho tahi me te noho tonu i te whare kotahi nā te mea he pai noa iho. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he tumanako tonu tā te tangata kē." E ai ki a Geetarsh, he maha ngā mea ka huri i muri i te wehenga, tae atu ki ngā whārite pūtea. Kōrerohia ngā pūtea me tō hoa (o mua) mēnā kua whakangaohia e kōrua tētahi wāhanga nui o ō penapena ki te rīhi i te whare.

Akohia te noho tahi hei hoa noho, kaua hei tokorua. Whakaritea he wāhi motuhake mō ngā hoa e rua i roto i te whare. Kōrerohia hoki te takoha a te tangata takitahi ki ngā whakapaunga o ia marama, tae atu ki te kai, ngā pire auau, me te tiaki whare. Ngana ki te wehewehe i ngā mahi o te whare kia kore ai e puta he tautohetohe kāore e hiahiatia.

8. Whakatakotoria, ā, whakautehia ngā rohe whaiaro

I te mea kua wehea ngā kare ā-roto me te nui o te mamae i roto i ō rātou ngākau, me whakaute ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e noho tahi ana e wehe ana i te whanaungatanga ki a rātou anō. Nō reira, kaua e mahi pērā i te hoa rangatira e hiahia ana ki te mōhio kei hea tō hoa o mua i muri i te wehenga. Kaua hoki e taka ki te whakamatautauranga o te hono atu ki a rātou me te tumanako ka puta he whanaungatanga whakaora.

Ina whakaaro ana koe me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga ina noho tahi kōrua, me whakarite kia whakaute kōrua i ngā rohe ā-tinana, ā-hinengaro hoki o tētahi ki tētahi. Pērā i te nuinga o ngā wehenga, kāore e taea e kōrua te piripono ā-tinana anō ki tō hoa o mua, ka uaua noa iho te mahi.

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9. Kati te mahi pērā i te tokorua

"Ko te mea tuatahi, noho motuhake, noho motuhake i roto i ngā rūma motuhake. Ahakoa he aha te tikanga o te tina me te noho tahi, me mutu tēnā. Me mutu te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero taketake i a kōrua, ā, me noho kōrua inaianei me te noho tahi me te hunga noho tahi."

"Me eke koe ki ngā taumata pēnei i te, "Kei a koe te kī o te whare, kei a au te kī o te whare. Kāore au i te kawenga ki a koe, kāore koe i te kawenga ki ahau." Me whakakore e koe te maha o ngā mea i mahia e koe i mua. Ki te hiahia tetahi o koutou ki te neke atu, me mahi wawe tonu," te kī a Geetarsh.

Kōrero atu ki ō hoa kua whakatau koe ki te neke whakamua i te ao; kaua e tinihanga i mua i a rātou. Whakahōu atu ki a rātou ō whāinga me te huarahi mahi e whai ake nei i te ao. I taua wā, ka taea e koe te whakatau ki te arotahi ki tō ao me te mahi i ō whāinga whanaketanga whaiaro. Ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri i tētahi akoranga hou; te neke ki tētahi tāone hou, te neke rānei ki te noho tahi me tō whānau. Ko te whakaae kāore kōrua e noho tahi ana te mea tika. Te haere tonu i roto i tētahi hononga rūpahu kāore e tika ana.

10. Hoatu he wāhi ki a koutou tetahi ki tetahi ki te pouri

He uaua, he mamae hoki ngā wehenga mō kōrua. Ka nui te tangi me te ripeneta. Kaua e whakakore i taua tika ki a koe anō, ki tō hoa noho o mua rānei. Whakautehia ngā kare ā-roto, ā, hoatu he wā ki te whakaora. Kaua e whakahē i te ao, kaua hoki e tautohetohe ina mamae koe, e tō hoa o mua rānei i te taha wairua.

"Kei te noho māua ko taku hoa tāne, ā, e hiahia ana māua ki te wehe, engari i ngā wā katoa ka ngana ahau, he piri tonu ia, ā, kāore i roa ka taea e māua te whakaae he pono. I te mutunga, me tuku e au he kupu whakamutunga kia neke atu māna," te kōrero a Janette ki a māua. Ina wehe koe i tētahi e noho tahi ana koe, ka nui ake te mamae o te wehenga nā te mea kua tino honoa ō kōrua oranga, ā, mā te wehenga o ngā taonga ka nui ake te tangi me te pouri.

11. Kaua e whakaipoipo anō kia neke atu rā anō koe i te wāhi noho tahi

"He hou rawa te tīmatanga o te whakaipoipo i te wā 'noho rite ki te hoa noho'. Kei roto tonu koe i te mamae. Kua aroha koe ki te tangata, ka kite koe i a ia i ia rā, ehara i te mea ngāwari te haere ki waho me te whakaipoipo, ā, ka tino kī atu ahau kia kaua e pērā. Ka tangohia noa e koe te putea kare "o tēnei whanaungatanga ki tētahi atu whanaungatanga," te kī a Geetarsh.

He wā tino mamae te wehenga i muri i te noho tahi, ā, i muri i tēnā ka nui te wā e hiahiatia ana hei whakaora. Ko te mea pai, e ono marama te roa hei whakaora i muri i te wehenga, engari ki te mea kei te whakapau koe i tēnei wā ki te whakarite i ō pūtea, ehara te "whakaipoipo" i te whakaaro pai.

Ahakoa kua wareware kē kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, ka puta ake he raruraru hou i te ao i te wā e whakaipoipo ana, tae atu ki te hae me te maha o ngā āhuatanga whakamā. He mea noa iho tēnei nō te kiriata, ā, kaua e whakaarohia tēnā i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakaaro, "Me pēhea te wehe atu i tētahi e noho tahi ana kōrua?"

12. Kaua e tautohetohe mō te mea nāna te aha

Nā te mea i noho tahi kōrua, he maha ngā taonga kei roto i te whare i hokona ngātahitia e kōrua. Ina wehe kōrua i tō hoa noho, he pai ake kia kaua e tautohetohe mō te hunga nō rātou te aha ina neke atu kōrua. Me whakarērea ētahi taonga mēnā e tika ana. Mā tēnei pea ka māmā ake ngā mea, ā, ka whai wāhi koe ki te haere atu me te whakaute.

He wā tino uaua te wehenga o te whanaungatanga, ā, muri iho ka noho tahi anō tātou. Engari mā te whakarite i tētahi huarahi mahi ka āwhina i a koe ki te wikitoria i tēnei whanaungatanga uaua me te whakaute.

He kupu tohutohu whakamutunga tā Geetarsh, "Kaua e whakauru i te whānau, kaua e waihanga raruraru, kaua e takaro i te kāri a te patunga, kia pono, kia tuwhera hoki tō kōrero. Me rapu āwhina koe, engari kia tino mohio kei te whakatau whakaaro nui koe mō te tangata e rapu āwhina ana koe."

Kia maumahara, he akoranga ia whanaungatanga, ā, ko te wehenga o tētahi tokorua e noho tahi ana, tera pea koia te "tino hoa". Kaua e ripeneta mōna; engari, akohia mai i ngā akoranga ka āwhina i a rātou ki te hanga i ō whanaungatanga ā muri ake nei. Ā, ki te mea kei te rapu tautoko koe, ko Bonobology's he rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau mā te āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau he aha ngā mahi me mahi, me pēhea hoki te tae atu ki reira.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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