Me pēhea te wehe i te hononga me te kore e whara i a rātou: 10 ngā ture

Ko te wehenga tetahi o ngā wheako tino uaua o te tangata ahakoa kei hea koe. Ehara i te mea māu anake me tō hoa aroha, engari mā ngā rōpū katoa e whai wāhi ana pērā i te whānau me ngā hoa. Ko te pātai uaua rawa atu ki te whakautu, me pēhea te wehenga i tētahi me te kore e whara i a rātou, nā te mea ka whakapoauau tonu tātou i ngā kare ā-roto o ētahi atu tāngata.

E ai ki tētahi tuhinga a te New York Times , Everyone's Breaking Up, but Nobody's Bitter: What's Going On?, ko te tau 2023 te tau o te wehenga o ngā whetu rongonui, me te tini o ngā kaiwhakaari rongonui, ngā kaiwaiata me ngā whetu o te ao tūturu e kī ana i te wehenga, te wehenga, te whakarere rānei. Engari "kei te piri ēnei tāne me ngā wāhine rongonui ki te ture koura o te kura: Ki te kore e taea e koe te kōrero i tētahi mea pai, kaua rawa e kōrero i tētahi mea."

Nā, me pēhea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha i runga i te rangimārie, me te kore e meinga te tangata kia whakaaro he hapa nui ia i roto i tō koiora? Kia rapu tātou.

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Tērā pea ka kitea e koe te huarahi pai rawa atu hei wehe i te whanaungatanga, engari ka pouri tonu rātou, ka mamae rānei i tāu whakatau. Engari, kāore he mea e kiia ana he wehenga pai i tētahi whanaungatanga. He mea nui te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i runga i ngā tikanga pai hei whakaiti i te mamae o te ngākau, hei pupuri hoki i te whakaute tetahi i tetahi.

Ko te kōrero mō te wehenga kanohi ki te kanohi, ki te taea, te huarahi tino whai whakaaro me te whakaute ina rapu huarahi koe ki te wehe i te whanaungatanga me te kore e whara i a rātou. Anei ētahi take he pai ake te kōrero mō te wehenga kanohi ki te kanohi ina hiahia koe ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i runga i te rangimārie:

• Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi ka taea e koe te hopu i ngā tohu kore-waha, pērā i ngā āhua o te kanohi me te reo tinana
• Ka taea te whakahaere i ēnei momo kōrerorero i roto i tētahi wāhi tūmataiti, ā-whanaungatanga hoki.
• He tika, he mārama hoki ngā kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi
• He maha ngā wā ka puta te mutunga o te whanaungatanga i ngā wehenga kanohi ki te kanohi
• Mā te kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi e whakaatu te whakaute me te aroha ki tō hoa

Heoi, he mea nui kia whakaarohia ngā āhuatanga takitahi. I ētahi wā, kāore pea te wehenga kanohi ki te kanohi e haumaru, e whai hua rānei, pērā i ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti, i ngā wā rānei kua pāngia e te tukino. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, me whiriwhiri pea i ētahi atu tikanga, pērā i te waea, te kōrerorero ataata, te tuku karere kuputuhi rānei, me te pupuri tonu i te aro, te whakaute, me te atawhai.

Ko te wehe i te whanaungatanga mā te karere kuputuhi ehara i te huarahi tino pai, nā te mea ka kitea he koretake, he mamae hoki. Heoi, ki te whakaaro koe kāore e taea, e haumaru rānei te kōrero kanohi ki te kanohi, mā te waea rānei, pērā i te wehe i te whanaungatanga tawhiti , ā, me whakamahi koe i te karere kuputuhi, ka taea e koe te mahi i tēnā me te aroha me te atawhai e taea ana.

Anei ngā ture koura tekau mō te wehe i te whanaungatanga pai me tetahi:

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1. Kia tino mohio koinei te mea e tino hiahiatia ana e koe, kaua e waiho hei mea e taea te mahi tonu

E ai ki tētahi rangahau, ko ngā take matua e rima mō te wehenga ko te kore hototahi, te korenga o ngā kare ā-roto (hoha), te tinihanga, te whanaungatanga tawhiti, me te "kāore i whakaaetia e te whānau." Kei roto rānei i ēnei take tō take? He mea nui kia tika te whakatau mō te wehenga, kaua e taea e kōrua te whakatika. He hapa nui te wehenga atu i tō hoa wahine, i tō hoa tāne rānei mō ngā take hē. Heoi, ki te ngana koe ki te whakahaere i te whanaungatanga engari kāore i angitu, kaua e pouri mō tō whakatau.

He whakatau whaiaro te whakamutu i tētahi hononga aroha, ā, he kōwhiringa pea ka huri i te ao, e whakawhirinaki ana ki ngā āhuatanga takitahi, ngā kare ā-roto, me ngā kaupapa matua. Engari anei ētahi take pea hei whakamutu i tētahi hononga i runga i te rangimārie:

• Ka wehe te iwi nā te mea ka uaua te pupuri i tētahi hononga kaha i te kore whakawhirinaki, ā, ka pā kino ki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō.
• Ka taea e te pakanga tonu te hanga i tētahi taiao paitini, ka nui ake ai te mamae i te wā roa
• Ka uaua pea te pupuri i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora nā te kore hototahi
• Te whanonga kino kāore e whakaaetia, ā, me waiho hei tohu mārama hei whakamutu i te whanaungatanga
• He take tika anō hoki te kore whakapono ki te whakamutu i tētahi hononga

Kia maumahara he whakatau nui te wehenga atu i tētahi, kaua hoki e tangohia noatia. Rapua he tohutohu me te tautoko kare ā-roto mai i ngā hoa pono, i te whānau, i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakamārama i ngā mea, kia mōhio ai koe ki tāu whakatau, ā, kia pai ai hoki mōu. Tērā pea he pōhēhē, engari koinei tā mātou aratohu mō te wehenga atu i tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, me te kore e whara i a ia.

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2. Hei whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga i runga i te rangimārie, kaua e whakaroa i ngā mea

Kāore e taea te titiro tika ki ngā kanohi o tō hoa, me te kī atu, "Kei te whakaaro ahau kei te whakaroa noa tāua i ngā mea. Ki taku whakaaro me wehe tāua i ō tāua ara." Engari, ki te mea kei te tata te wehenga, he mea nui kia kōrero wawe tonu mō te wehenga. Kaua e pupuri i tētahi whanaungatanga ki te tautoko ora, ahakoa e mōhio ana kua tae ki te wā kia tukuna. Ko te whakaroa i tētahi wehenga ka arahi pea ki te mamae kare ā-roto roa, te pōhēhē, ā, ka tino kino ki tō hauora hinengaro. Kaua e mau ki te porowhita mutunga kore o te pātai ki a koe anō, "Me pēhea taku wehenga atu i tētahi e arohaina tonutia ana e au?"

Mā te pupuri tonu i te tumanako teka ka puta he kare ā-roto hurihuri mō tō hoa, ka piri pea ki te whakapono ka pai ake ngā mea, ā, ka nui ake te pouri ina puta te wehenga. Kia mahara kāore e taea te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga me te kore e whakapataritari i tō hoa. He nui ake te atawhai ki te kōrero tika me te pono mō ō kare ā-roto me ō whakaaro. Ngāna kia whakaarohia he rite ki te tango i tētahi whitiki whakapiri. He ngāwari ake te kī i te mahi — he tokomaha e whakaaro ana koinei te wāhanga uaua rawa atu o te wehenga — engari kia kaha ki te whakapau kaha.

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3. Kia pono rawa koe, engari kia ngawari hoki

Tērā pea kei te pātai koe ki a koe anō, "Me pēhea taku wehenga atu i tētahi e arohaina tonutia ana e au?" Ko tētahi o ngā kaupapa matua mō te wehenga pai i tētahi e arohaina ana koe ko te tuku i ngā take mārama mō tāu whakatau me te kore e whakamahi i te reo mamae, i te reo whakapae rānei. Nā te mea, ko te whāinga i konei kia kaua e whara i ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu i ngā wā katoa e taea ana. Anei me pēhea te whakatutuki i taua taurite ngawari:

• Āta karohia te whakapae: Kaua e whakapae i tō hoa mō ngā raruraru o te whanaungatanga, engari arotahi ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te pānga o ngā whanaungatanga i waenganui i a kōrua ki a kōrua.
• Whakamahia ngā tauira: He pai te whakarato i ngā tauira motuhake, i ngā tauira rānei o ngā take i arahi ai ki te wehenga.
• Arotahi ki ngā kore hototahitanga: Kaua e kōrero mō ngā ngoikoretanga whaiaro, engari me whakatakoto te kōrero mō ngā rerekētanga taketake, ngā uara, ngā whāinga, ngā momo noho rānei.
• Whakaatuhia o hiahia: Kōrerohia te āhua o te korenga e tutukihia ō hiahia me ō tumanakohanga i roto i te whanaungatanga.
• Whakarongo ki tō hoa: I a koe e whakamārama ana i ngā take motuhake mō te wehenga, kia tuwhera tonu ki ngā tirohanga a tō hoa, kaua hoki e kōrero mō te take.

He mea nui te kōrero tika mō ngā take o te whanaungatanga, me te pupuri tonu i te reo kore whakapae, kore whakahē. Mā tēnei huarahi ka taea e kōrua ko tō hoa te kōrero whai hua, whakaute hoki mō te wehenga, ā, ka māmā ake te haere whakamua, ahakoa he wā uaua, he wā kare ā-roto hoki. Koinei te huarahi pai rawa atu ki te wehe i te whanaungatanga me tētahi atu.

4. Kia rite mō tā rātou tauhohenga, ā, kaua e tauhohe anō hoki

He āhuatanga kare ā-roto, ā, he maha ngā wā kāore i te tumanakohia te wehenga o te hoa aroha mō te tangata e pāngia ana e te mamae. Ka rerekē te tauhohenga a tō hoa, nō reira he mea nui kia rite koe ki ngā tauhohenga kare ā-roto. He āhuatanga whakamā, engari he mea e kore e taea te karo. Anei me pēhea te wehe i te hoa aroha me te kore e whara i a ia:

• Matapaetia ngā momo kare ā-roto: A, no te koe wehe atu i tētahi tāne he kōtiro rānei, ka rerekē pea ā rātou kare ā-roto, tae atu ki te ohorere, te pōuri, te riri, te pōhēhē, te kore whakapono rānei
• Ngāna kia noho pūmau: Ahakoa tā rātou urupare, he mea nui kia noho marino, kia aroha hoki, kaua e tino kare ā-roto pērā i tō hoa.
• Hoatu he wāhi ki a rātou kia whakapuaki i a rātou anō: Whakatenatenahia tō hoa rangatira kia whakapuaki i ōna kare ā-roto, me te whakarongo mārire ki āna kōrero
• Kaua e whakakorekore i ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu tangata: Ahakoa kāore pea kōrua e rite ngā kare ā-roto, ngā tirohanga rānei, he mea nui kia kaua e whakakorekorehia ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa, he mea pakari, he mea ngoikore hoki.
• Tautuhia nga rohe: He mea nui kia whakatakotohia, kia mau tonu hoki ngā rohe hauora, kia mau tonu ai te whakaute me te haumaru o te kōrero mō te tokorua.
• Whakaaetia: Ki te whakaatu tō hoa i te wehi, i te āwangawanga rānei mō te heke mai, whakamanawa atu ki a ia ka kitea e ia te ara i roto i tēnei wā uaua.

He mea nui te whakarite i ngā kare ā-roto mō te urupare a tō hoa rangatira mō te wehenga atu i tētahi. Kia maumahara he rerekē te tukatuka i ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata, ā, ka taea e te māramatanga me te aroha te āwhina nui i a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira ki te whakatere i tēnei whakawhiti kare ā-roto.

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5. Me pēhea te wehe i te whanaungatanga me tētahi atu, me te kore e whara i a rātou — Arotahi ki ō ake kare ā-roto, kaua ki ō rātou ngoikoretanga

Mō te tukanga uaua o te wehenga atu i te aroha o tōu ao, he mea nui kia arotahi tō whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki ō kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei, ka taea e koe te whakanui ake i te aroha me te whakaute i roto i te kōrero wehenga. Mā te whakapuaki i te pouri, te pouri, te āhua rerekē rānei ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō tirohanga me te kore e tohu i ō maihao. Hei tauira, he pai ake te kī "Ki taku whakaaro kua heke te hononga i roto i te wā" i te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero whakapae.

Mā te arotahi ki ō kare ā-roto i te wā o te wehenga e whakaatu ana i te ngoikore me te pono. He whakaae tēnei ko te whakatau ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga ehara i te mea ko te tuku he, engari ko te whakaae kua whanake haere ō hiahia me ō wheako kare ā-roto.

Mā te whakaatu i ō kare ā-roto, ka tono koe i tō hoa kia hono atu ki ō wheako i runga i te taumata whaiaro ake. Ka akiaki i te kōrero tuwhera, ka taea e ngā taha e rua te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto, ā, ka mahi tahi ki te whakaute , te mārama me te whakaora. He maha ngā wā ka warewarehia tēnei ina e rapu ana koe me pēhea te wehe i te whanaungatanga me te kore e whara i a rātou.

6. Kaua e tuku karere rerekē mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te wehe i tētahi me te kore e whakapataritari i a rātou

Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui o te wehenga ngāwari ko te mārama o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ka taea e ngā tohu rerekē te whakapoauau, te tumanako teka, me te raruraru kare ā-roto roa. Koinei pea te wāhanga uaua rawa atu o te wehenga nā te mea ka hiahia pea koe ki te "whakangawari i te whiu" mā te whakaputa kupu whakaari teka. Engari koinei te take he mea nui kia mārama, kia rite hoki tō whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i tēnei wā uaua:

• Kāore e maiohahia te koretake o ngā kare ā-roto. Nā te maha o ngā karere ka uaua ai te neke whakamua mā kōrua.
• Ka whakaroa pea koe i te mamae kare ā-roto me te koretake mōu me tō hoa.
• Mā te tuku karere rerekē ka heke te whakawhirinaki, ā, ka uaua ake te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa ki ō kupu me ō whakaaro ā muri ake nei.
• Me whakarato te wehenga i te mutunga, ā, me tuku i a kōrua ko tō hoa ki te tukatuka i ō kōrua kare ā-roto, ki te whakaora, me te neke whakamua — Kāore tēnei e taea i roto i te koretake, i te kore taurite rānei.
• Mā te mārama o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ka whakautehia hoki ngā rohe o tō hoa.

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7. Whakarongo ki tō hoa, ā, whakaaturia mai kei te mārama koe ki a rātou

Koinei tētahi o ngā akoranga matua mō te wehenga atu i tētahi me te kore e whara i a rātou. Ina wehe atu koe i tētahi, kua kati kē koe i tētahi upoko mō tētahi wāhanga nui o ō kōrua oranga. He mea nui te whakarongo ki te urupare a tō hoa. Anei te take:

• Mā tēnei ka whai reo rātou i roto i tēnei whakataunga
• He wāhi tēnei mā rātou ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou whakaaro, ā, ka taea e ēnei te whakarato i ngā māramatanga whai hua ki ō rātou tirohanga me ngā wheako i roto i te whanaungatanga.
• Ka taea e koe te whakapāha mō ngā kino katoa i pā ki a rātou
• Mā te whakarongo kaha, ka whakamanahia e koe ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa, e whakaatu ana kei te whakaute koe i tō rātou tika ki te whakaaro pērā i a rātou. Ahakoa e whakaatu ana rātou i te pouri, i te riri, i te pōhēhē, i te whakaae rānei, he mea nui kia whakaaetia ō rātou kare ā-roto he tika.
• Mā tēnei whakamana ka taea e rātou te whakaaro kua kati te whanaungatanga, ā, he taahiraa nui tēnei i roto i te tukanga whakaora.
• Mā te whakarongo ki te whakautu a tō hoa ka whai wāhi kōrua ki te mārama ki te pānga o te whanaungatanga me ngā take i mutu ai. Mā tēnei māramatanga ka āwhina i a kōrua kia anga whakamua me te māramatanga me te whakaae.

Ahakoa he mamae te wehenga, mā tēnei whakarongo aroha ka waihanga i te whakaute me te mana i roto i te huarahi e wehe ai kōrua. He tohutohu nui tēnei mō te wehenga atu i tētahi me te kore e whara i ō rātou kare ā-roto.

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8. Tukuna te tautoko me te atawhai kia rite ki te nui, kaua e tukua

Ina mutu te whanaungatanga aroha , he mea nui kia tautokohia, kia atawhaihia hoki tō hoa, nā te mea ka pā nui ki tōna oranga ngākau me te wheako whānui o te wehenga. He uaua ngā wehenga ki ngā kare ā-roto. I tēnei wāhanga uaua, ko te tuku aroha me te atawhai ka penei:

• Haunga te tautoko kare ā-roto, he mea tino nui te tuku āwhina ki te kimi rauemi hei whakaora
• Mā te mihi nui ki a rātou mō ngā wā pai, me te pupuri tonu i te wehenga, ka ara ake te huarahi mō te whakawhiti mārie me te wā wehenga rangimārie atu i tō whakaaro.
• Ko te āhua o tō manaaki i tō hoa i te wā e wehe ana koe ka waiho he whakaaro pumau, ā, ka pupuri i te mahara pai o te whanaungatanga.
• He āwhina anō hoki ki te whakahaere i ō ake kare ā-roto, nā te mea ka whai hua te atawhai i tō hoa.

9. Whakautehia ngā rohe o tō hoa i a rātou e pouri ana mō te whanaungatanga

Ko te whakaute i ngā rohe o tō hoa i te wā e wehe ana koe i te whanaungatanga he mea nui ki te whakahaere i te āhuatanga me te whakaute me te whai whakaaro, ina koa ka kore koe e hiahia kia mamae tō hoa. E whakaae ana tēnei ki tā rātou hiahia mō te wāhi, te mana motuhake, me te manaaki i a rātou anō i a rātou e whakahaere ana i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Mō te wheako wehenga iti ake te ngangau, kaua e noho hoa ki a rātou kia oti rā anō te whakahaere i te wehenga.

He maha ngā wā ka hiahia te tangata ki te wā me te wāhi hei whakaaroaro, hei whakaora, hei tukatuka hoki i ngā wāhanga e whitu o te pouri i muri i te wehenga. Ko te whakaute i ō rātou rohe ko te hoatu ki a rātou te wāhi whaiaro me te herekore ki te mahi pera me te kore e pēhia, e whakahengia, e takahia rānei.

Mā te kore aro ki ngā rohe ka ara ake he pakanga me te taumahatanga koretake. Ka taea e tēnei te whakararuraru ake i te tukanga uaua o te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga. Mā te whakaute i ngā rohe o tō hoa ka āwhina ki te whakaiti i te tūponotanga o ngā māramatanga kore. He mea nui tēnei ina ako koe ki te wehe i tētahi me te kore e whara i ō rātou kare ā-roto.

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10. Ko te wehenga ngawari ko te mahara ki te tango i te wa mo to ake whakaora

Ahakoa ko te nuinga o te arotahi i te wā o te wehenga ko te tautoko me te atawhai i tō hoa, he mea nui anō hoki kia rapu i tō ake kaha. Anei tētahi tirohanga whānui mō te hiranga o te manaaki i a koe anō ina ngana ana koe ki te wehe i tētahi me te kore e whakapataritari i a rātou:

• Te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto: He uaua ngā kare ā-roto mō ngā taha e rua i te wehenga. Mā te rapu tautoko kare ā-roto māu ake – mā te aro nui ki ngā tāngata, mā ngā mahi whakangahau, mā te whakapakari tinana rānei – ka taea e koe te aro atu ki ō kare ā-roto me te tukatuka i te pouri.
• Te tiaki-whaiaro: I te wā e wehe ana koe i te hoa, he ngawari noa iho te whakapau kaha ki te tautoko i ō kare ā-roto, ā, ka wareware koe ki ō ake hiahia.
• Tirohanga me te aratohu: Mā te kōrero ki ngā hoa, ki te whānau, ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei ka taea e koe te hoatu he tirohanga me he aratohu whai hua
• Whakamana: Mā te rapu i tāu ake tautoko ka āhei koe ki te whakatere i te wehenga me te kaha me te manawanui

Pānui e pā ana: He aha ahau i pouri ai ina wehe atu māua? 4 Ngā Take me ngā Tohutohu e 5 hei whakatau i te raruraru

Hei whakamutunga, ko ngā ture tekau e whakaatuhia ana i roto i tēnei tuhinga, ehara i te mea he aratohu noa iho mō te wehe pai i te whanaungatanga me tētahi, engari he whakamahara anō hoki ki a tātou ko te aroha, i roto i ōna āhua rerekē, ehara i te mea ko ōna tīmatanga anake engari ko ōna mutunga anō hoki. Mā te whakatata atu ki te mutunga o tētahi whanaungatanga me te aroha, te ngākau pono, me te atawhai, ka whakahonoretia e tātou ngā wā i tohaina, ā, ka whakatakoto i te ara mō te tūponotanga o ngā tīmatanga hou , mō tātou anō me ō tātou hoa o mua. I roto i te ao o te aroha, ka taea e te wehenga te ara ki te tipu whaiaro me te whakarerekētanga, mena ka mahia me te atawhai me te whakaute.

Te Huarahi Tika ki te Whakamahi i te Mana o te Wahangu i muri i te Wehenga

Me pēhea te poroporoaki ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe

He aha i muri mai ai te wehenga o ngā tāne? 7 Ngā Take Whakamīharo

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.