Anei ngā take e puta ai te riri i roto i te marena

Tākuta Rima Mukherji MBBS, DPM, MRCPsych (Rānana) Whai muri i te whiwhinga i ngā tau e whitu o te wheako i te UK, ka whakatūria e Tākuta Mukherji te Crystal Minds rongonui, he pokapū oranga hinengaro (me tētahi tīma maha-mātauranga e tuku ana i te whānuitanga o ngā ratonga hinengaro me te hinengaro mō ngā reanga katoa) i Kolkata.

Te mauahara kāore anō kia whakatauhia i roto i te marena

I roto i ngā marena katoa, ka kitea pea e te tokorua tētahi mea e pā ana ki a rāua hei riri mō tētahi atu. Mēnā ka mau tonu te riri kāore anō kia whakatauhia i roto i te ngākau, i te hinengaro, i te marena mō te wā roa, ka raru pea te marena. Ka mutu, ka arahi pea tēnei ki ngā whakapae, ki ngā whakamārama, ki ngā hamama, ki ngā whakapae whakahē, me ērā atu mea kino rawa atu. Kāore ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia e memeha noa iho. Ka noho tonu, ka tīmata te pirau.

Ngā take matua e arahi ana ki te mauahara i roto i te marena:

He raruraru o waho

He maha ngā wā ka puta te riri i tētahi raruraru o waho, ehara i te mea nā te tāne, nā te wahine rānei i puta. Hei tauira, ka mamae pea te wahine mō tētahi mea i kōrerotia ki a ia e tōna hungawai wahine. I tana kōrero ki tana tāne, ka kitea e ia kāore ia i te tautoko i a ia, i te tautoko rānei i tōna whaea, ā, ka tīmata te riri. I konei, kāore anō kia whakatauhia te raruraru me te tangata nāna i puta, ā, kei te raru te whanaungatanga nā tētahi atu tangata.

Ngā raruraru noa o te tokorua me te marena

He maha ngā wā ka whakaarohia e te tāne me te wahine ētahi mea mō te oranga i muri i te marena. Tērā pea ka mōhio pai rāua tetahi ki tetahi, engari i muri i te marena, he rerekē te tirohanga a te katoa ki ngā mea. Tērā pea ka aukati te tāne e āhua rangatira ana, e āhua hou ana hoki i tana wahine kia hoki anō ki te mahi, ka herea rānei ōna kākahu. Tērā pea kāore te tāne i hoatu he pikitia mārama ki tana wahine ā muri ake nei mō tōna oranga i muri i te marena. Tērā pea kāore te wahine taitamariki i te rite mō ngā huringa ka puta i te wā e noho ana i tētahi kāinga hou. Ka taea e ēnei take katoa te arahi i te tokorua taitamariki ki te whakapae tetahi ki tetahi, "Kua rerekē kōrua, kāore kōrua e aroha ana, kāore kōrua e whakaaro ana ki ahau, kāore he wā mōku..." me ērā atu mea. I roto i te wā, ka kiia te wahine he tangata whakatoi, ā, ko te tāne he tangata kāore e taea te mahi i tetahi mea māna.

Waihoki, ko te tāne e noho tonu ana i taua whare, kāore ia e mārama he aha te kore e pai ai tana wahine hou ki reira. Me whakapau kaha ia mā te tāne ki te rapu huarahi hei whakatau i tēnei.

Pānui e pā ana: Tokowhitu ngā tāngata e kōrero ana mō ngā mea tino kino rawa atu i ora ai ā rātou marena

Ngā raruraru nui e pā ana ki tētahi tokorua

Tērā pea kei te pōuri tetahi o ngā hoa nā ētahi take nui, whakararuraru hoki pērā i te waranga ki ngā raau taero/waipiro/petipeti/hokohoko, ngā take riri, he moe tāne, he raruraru pūtea, he mate whānau, me ērā atu mea.

Te ora i muri i te haputanga me te tamarikitanga

I te haputanga me te whānautanga mai o ngā tamariki nohinohi, ka tino rerekē te ao o te wahine. He maha ngā mea e pā ana ki tōna tinana; te whānautanga, ngā pokanga mēnā ka whānau he pēpi, ā, muri iho ko ngā nāpi, te whāngai u, te pupuhi pēpi me te rau ngā mea. I te aro atu ki ngā huringa nui o te kare ā-roto, te tinana me te āhua noho, ka tīmata ngā wāhine ki te whakaaro mēnā ka hoki anō rātou ki te ao i mōhiotia e rātou. I taua wā, ko te āhua o te tāne he rite tonu ki mua, kāore tōna tinana i rerekē, ka haere ia ki te tari pērā i mua.

Ahakoa he matua whakamiharo, he matua whai wāhi hoki ia, ko te tauhohenga ā-tinana o te nuinga o ngā wāhine ko te whakaaro kua whakaititia rātou, ahakoa e aroha nui ana rātou ki ā rātou tāne. Tērā pea ka tipu haere te riri i te roanga o te wā. Hei tauira, mēnā ko te wahine te tangata me haere whakatā, kaua ko te matua.

Hei tāpiritanga, kāore i te akiakihia ngā pāpā mahi-ā-ringa. I te wā e toro atu ana ahau ki tētahi tokorua taitamariki, i whakatūpatohia rāua i mua i ahau e te kuia, he aha te take e whakawhiti ai tana mokopuna atamai, he taote pokanga hoki.

Ngā tohutohu hē a te hunga o waho

He maha ngā wā ka nui haere ngā raruraru o te tokorua ina whiwhi rāua i ngā tohutohu whakapataritari mai i ō rāua hoa me te whānau. Ahakoa e hiahia ana rāua ki te mea pai mō te wahine, mō te tāne rānei, ina whakaurua ngā kupu pēnei i te tohutohu a te hunga e hiahia ana ki te manaaki i a rāua ki ngā tohutohu pēnei i te, 'me pēhea ia i maia ai ki te mahi i tēnei…. Me ako rānei i a ia…' i roto i aku wheako, kāore he mea pai e puta mai ana.

Ina tōia e rātou te ture ki roto i te marena

Me kawe ngā take tūturu o te tukino me te whakatoi i te tāne/wahine ki ngā pirihimana me ngā taunakitanga e tika ana. Engari e kite haere ana tātou kāore te ture e whakamahia ana mō te tika, engari hei taputapu hei whakakā, hei whakahaere me te whakawehi i te 'rōpū' kē. Ko ngā take i taea te whakatau mā te ono marama o te tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka tukuna ki te maimoatanga kino rawa atu – mā te whakauru i ngā pirihimana.

He maha ngā wāhanga o te ture e whakamahia ana, ko te nuinga ko te wāhanga 498 A (te tukino ā-whare). Ina whiwhi te hoa rangatira i ngā tohutohu a tētahi atu tangata, ā, ka tukuna he FIR ki tana hoa rangatira, ka tangi hei patu i te whanaungatanga. Kāore i te maha ngā wā ka pai te tohutohu a te rōia mō te tokorua. He maha ngā wā ka paru ngā mea.

Ā muri ake nei, i te wā e whakaarohia ana e te tokorua ngā whakataunga me te houhanga rongo i waho o te Kōti, mō te whakaaro ki ngā tamariki, ka uaua ki te hoa rangatira i whai take ki a ia (ko te nuinga o ngā take he tāne), ki te whakaae me pēhea te whakaae, nā te whakatenatena a 'ētahi atu tāngata', i tukua rāua ki te whare herehere, kia whakamaua ki te aroaro o te iwi mō ngā marama maha, kia ngaro hoki te ingoa kino. Kāore ia e aro ki ahau. Me pēhea taku hoki ki tēnei marena? He mea pumau te whara. I roto i te 99.9% o ngā take, kāore ngā whanaungatanga o te tokorua e ora ake i ēnei wheako.

Me whakatau te mauahara

Kaua rawa te mauahara e whakatupuhia i roto i te marena. Me aro atu ki ngā tohu o ngā whakapataritari roa, ā, me tautuhi wawe tonu i te mauahara. Tērā ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine kua pā ki ngā wā kino me ngā wā kino, engari, nā te kaha o te hiahia, te waiaro pai me te tohutohu, i taea e rātou te puta katoa me te kaha ake. Ka taea te whakatau i te mauahara i roto i te marena.

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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