9 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Whakaheke Kare ā-roto

Ina noho tahi kōrua ko te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, me rongo kōrua i te hau marino e karapoti ana i a kōrua, i roto hoki i a kōrua. Me rite te whanaungatanga ki te kāinga. Me kimi e kōrua te rangimārie i roto i a kōrua. Engari i roto i te whanaungatanga e ngenge ana te ngākau, ka hiahia kōrua ki te oma atu i tō hoa rangatira. Ae, kāore he whanaungatanga e tino tika ana, ā, ka puta he pakanga me he raruraru i ētahi wā. Engari ehara i te whanaungatanga hauora mēnā ka meinga koe kia whakaaro kei te hoatu e koe he nui atu i tāu e whiwhi ana. 

Mō ētahi atu mōhiohio e pā ana ki ngā whanaungatanga e whakaiti ana i te kaha o te ngākau, i whakapā atu mātou ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro Jayant SundaresanE mea ana ia, "I mua i tā tātou peke atu ki ngā taipitopito motuhake mō ngā tohu o ēnei whanaungatanga, me pātai tuatahi tātou mēnā i pēnei tonu te uaua o te whanaungatanga, mēnā rānei nā tētahi huringa tata nei o te taiao i puta ai tēnei ngenge kare ā-roto."

"Ki te mea kua huri te whanaungatanga hei mea hoha nā ētahi āhuatanga pēnei i te wawaotanga a te whānau, te nui rawa rānei o te mahi, ā, kāore e taea e kōrua te tuku wā tetahi ki tetahi, ka taea e kōrua te noho tahi me te kōrero mō taua mea. Ringihia ō kare ā-roto, ka whakatika. Engari ki te mea ehara i te mea koinā te raruraru, kua hoha rānei te whanaungatanga mai i te rā tuatahi, ki te mea rānei kāore tetahi o kōrua e pai ki te whakapau kaha, me te tumanako ko te tangata kē anake hei kawenga mō te whanaungatanga katoa, he tika tāu pātai mēnā ko te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga e whakararuraru ana i te kare ā-roto te kōwhiringa anake."

He aha te tikanga o tētahi whanaungatanga e memeha ai te kare ā-roto?

E kī ana a Jayant, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e tino pāngia ana e te kare ā-roto, ka āhua piko tonu koe ki muri ki te mahi i ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e tō hoa. Ko ngā hiahia me ngā wawata o tō hoa te mea nui tonu. Tō te whakapau kaha i roto i te whanaungatanga Kāore i te ōrite te utu. Ko koe anake te tangata e neke ana i te rangi me te whenua kia angitu ai te whanaungatanga, ko tō hoa rangatira kei te noho noa iho, e tumanako ana kia ringihia mai te aroha ki a koe. Kāore rātou e neke i tētahi maihao hei taurite i ō mahi.

"Tāpiri atu ki tēnā, kāore rātou e whakaatu i te maioha mō ngā mea katoa e kawea mai ana e koe ki roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te mea e tupu ana i konei ko te tangata e tuku ana i ana mea katoa, ā, kua ngenge te hinengaro. Ka whakahaerehia ō rātou kare ā-roto e te pouri, te ahotea, me te manukanuka. Ka puta te pouri i ētahi wā. Ahakoa te whakaaro ki te noho tahi me taua tangata ka hoha koe." 

9 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Whakaheke Kare ā-roto 

E aroha ana koe ki tō hoa. E aroha nui ana koe ki a rātou. Engari kei te ngenge koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Kei te mamae, kei te ahotea rānei koe? Ki te pērā, tirohia ngā tohu i raro nei o tētahi whanaungatanga ngenge kare ā-roto hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i te āhuatanga i roto i te huarahi pai ake. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 35 Ngā Pātai hei Whakahōhonu i te Hononga ki tō Hoa

1. He iti tō kaha 

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu kitea o tētahi marena/whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te ngākau ko te ngoikore o te kaha. Ka pau katoa tō kaha mā te whakanoho i tō hoa ki mua i ngā āhuatanga katoa. Ka whakanoho tonu koe i a rātou ki mua i ngā āhuatanga katoa, ehara i te mea nā te aroha engari nā te koretake o te āhua, me te mataku kei pouri rātou, kei riri rānei mēnā ka whakanohoia rātou ki tētahi atu wāhi ehara i te mea tuatahi. Ko tēnei momo whakaohooho me te ngenge i te wā whakaipoipo "ka waiho koe kia ngenge rawa."

Ko te tikanga o tō hoa rangatira kia whakahihiko koe. Ina nui rawa āu hoatu, ā, kāore he mea i riro mai, ka pāngia koe e te ahotea. Nōu tō kaha. Māu e whakatau te nui o te mea hei hoatu. Ina pau rawa tō kaha i tō hoa rangatira, kua tae ki te wā ki te pātai mēnā ko te wehe atu i tētahi whanaungatanga e ngenge ana te hinengaro te mea tika māu. Me matua whakarite tō hauora hinengaro.

2. Kei te pāngia ētahi atu whanaungatanga e tētahi whanaungatanga

Ka tāpiri atu a Jayant, "Ka pāngia ngā wāhanga kē atu o tō ao e te whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te kare ā-roto. Ka pāngia te whanaungatanga me te here e tohaina ana e koe ki tō whānau, ki ō hoa, me ō hoa mahi. Ka kite koe i te hekenga o tō oranga mahi. Mena he tino pai koe i te mahi, ā, kei te pāngia tō oranga mahi ināianei, ko tētahi o ngā tohu tēnei o te whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te kare ā-roto."

"I roto i taua ngā whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te kare ā-rotoAhakoa tō wā mokemoke, ka kī tonu i te mamae. Ka kī atu ō hoa me tō whānau kāore koe i te rite i ēnei rā. Ka mōhio tonu rātou kei te whakararuraru tetahi mea i a koe. Ki te mea kua ngaro tō ngākau nui ki te whakatutuki i ō whāinga, ā, inaianei kua kore noa iho he hua i tō taha, me whakahaere e koe tō oranga, me kōrero ki tō tāne, ki tō wahine rānei e ngenge ana te ngākau.

3. Ka huna e koe ngā mea i tō whānau me ō hoa

Ka tāpiri atu a Jayant, "Koinei tētahi o ngā mea tino noa e mahia ana e te tini o te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e mamae ai te ngākau. Ka mutu tā rātou kōrero ki ō rātou whanaunga nā te mea kei te whakama koe, kei te whakama hoki koe ki tō āhua. Inaa, ka mutu tā rātou kawe i tā rātou hoa rangatira ki te tūtaki ki ō rātou whānau me ō rātou hoa nā te mea ka mataku rātou kei kitea e rātou kāore ngā mea i te pai ki a kōrua."

"Ka huri tēnei i tō āhua tuwhera me tō pono ki ō tuākana, tuākana, me ō hoa. Tukuna atu ō whakaaro." putea kare ki tētahi hoa rangatira, ki tētahi mema whānau rānei e whakawhirinakihia ana. Ina mutu tāu kōrero i ēnei mea, tera pea ka rite koe ki te mea kei te tawhiti haere koe i a rātou. I ēnei wā, kaua e tukua ō hoa aroha. Me kōrero koe ki a rātou, me whakawhirinaki hoki ki a rātou mō ō rātou whakaaro mō ngā raruraru o tō whanaungatanga.”

4. Kei te tumanako koe ki te noho tawhiti atu i tō hoa

E kī ana a Jayant, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e tino pāngia ana e te kare ā-roto, ka hiahia koe ki te wā mokemoke. Ki te kore e whiwhi pinepine koe, ka tīmata koe ki te teka kia whiwhi ai koe. Ka tito kōrero koe. Ka kī koe me mahi roa koe i te tari, ā, me whakamahi i aua hāora tahae hei whakaora i a koe anō. I ētahi wā, ki te kāore e taea te whakatika i te whanaungatangaAhakoa aua wā mokemoke ka kī tonu i te pēhanga me te ahotea. Ka tatari koe kia moe tō tāne, tō wahine rānei e ngenge ana i te kare ā-roto, kātahi ka hoki ki te kāinga kia kore ai e pāngia e rātou. Koinei te kaha o te pānga kino.

E hiahia ana te katoa ki te wā mokemoke, engari ki te rapu koe i taua wā mokemoke, me whakaaro anō koe ki te whanaungatanga. E ai ki te kōrero, mā te ngaro ka nui ake te aroha o te ngākau. Engari, he aroha rānei mēnā i ēnei wā, kāore koe e ngaro i tō hoa rangatira, ā, e whakanui ana i tō whanaungatanga? Kāore. Ko te kore ngaro i tō hoa rangatira i a koe e tawhiti atu ana i a rātou, he tohu noa kei te ngenge koe i roto i te whanaungatanga.

5. Ka tīmata koe ki te hikoi i runga i ngā anga hua manu i te taha o tō hoa 

E kī ana a Jayant, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, kāore koe e mataku ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero nā te mea ka mamae tō hoa i ō whakaaro. Ka tātarihia e koe ngā mea katoa e puta mai ana i tō waha. Ka āta whiriwhiria e koe ō kupu me ō whanonga kia kore ai e whara, e riri rānei tō hoa. Me noho tō hoa hei hoa pai māu, ā, kāore koe e huna i tetahi mea i a rātou. Me tuwhera, me pono, me pono hoki koe ki a rātou."

Ki te mea kei te pātai koe he aha te take e pau ai taku kaha ki taku whanaungatanga, tera pea ka pau i a koe ia hēkona o tō oranga ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa e taea ana e koe kia kore ai rātou e whakapataritari. Ka nui rawa ō whakaaro i mua i te whakapuaki i tetahi mea ki a rātou. He whanonga paitini tēnei, ā, ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te whakaipoipo. Ka arahi pea ki ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro nui.

6. Kei te mauheretia koe

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ko ētahi o ngā mea e rapua ana e koe i roto i tētahi hoa ko te aroha, te whakamarie, te harikoa, me te wairua nōhanga. Ehara i te whanaungatanga tino pai mēnā kei te mana'o mau kāore rānei he ara puta. He nui ake te whakamataku o tēnei mena kua moe tāne koe, ā, he tamariki āu. E tino pōuri ana koe, e ngenge ana hoki i te whanaungatanga.”

"Ehara i te mea ko koe anake kei roto i te mahanga. Ko te tipu o te whanaungatanga hoki, e āraihia ana. Kāore koe, kāore hoki te whanaungatanga e kite i tētahi tipu. Ki te mea tō hoa wahine kua ngoikore ia i te taha hinengaro, tera pea kei te pōrearea ia i tō tono tonu kia arohia ia. Waihoki, ki te mea kei te ngoikore te taha hinengaro o tō hoa tāne, tera pea kei te meinga ia e koe kia mau tonu te kawenga mō te pupuri i te whanaungatanga."

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu Kei te Hikoi Koe i Runga i ngā Anga Hua Manu i roto i tō Hononga

7. Ko ngā pakanga mutunga kore tētahi o ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te kare ā-roto

Ka tāpiri atu a Jayant, "Ko te kaupapa matua o tētahi whanaungatanga harikoa ko te whakaae tahi me te whakawhirinaki. Engari ki te mea kei roto tō whanaungatanga i tētahi porowhita o ngā tautohetohe me ngā pakanga mutunga kore, he tika tāu whakaaro mēnā ko te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga e whakararuraru ana i te kare ā-roto te huarahi tika hei whakatutuki. He raruraru, he pakanga anō hoki tō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Engari ki te mea ka noho noa aua pakanga, ā, ka onge te kore whawhai, ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato mārama o tētahi whanaungatanga kino."

"Te kore korero Ko tētahi o ngā take mō ngā pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha. Ā, ko te kore mōhio me pēhea te whawhai te mea e whakakaha ana i aua pakanga. Ka whakanui ake i ngā raruraru. Me whawhai tika koe i roto i te marena, i te whanaungatanga rānei, kia kore ai koe e whara i te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Kāore e taea e koe te whakamahi i te riri me te huna i muri i a ia hei kino, hei whanoke hoki. Tērā pea ka pakaru tonu te whanaungatanga mena kāore koe e mōhio me pēhea te whawhai.”

8. Kāore anō kia tutuki ō hiahia 

Ka tāpiri atu a Jayant, "Me whai hononga koe, me whakamana, me mihi, me maioha, me pono, me tautoko, me te wairua haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te kore tetahi o aua hiahia e tutukihia, kāore he mea miharo kei te ngenge koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te arotahi hoki te whanaungatanga moepuku ki a rātou anake, he tohu tohu tēnā mō ngā whanaungatanga hauora kore." 

"He aha ai ō hiahia ka warewarehia, he aha rānei me waiho hei tuarua? Kāore i te tika tēnā. Me kite i ō hiahia he rite te hiranga. E rua ngā tāngata hei kia pai ai te whanaungatanga"Ki te haere tonu tēnei, ka tipu ake tō mauahara ki tō hoa. Ka nui te mauahara ki a rātou. Kia tae ki te wā o te mauahara, he tino uaua ki te puta atu i taua mauahara."

9. Kāore koe e mōhio ki a koe anō

E mea ana a Jayant, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e tino pāngia ana e te kare ā-roto, ka ngaro tō tuakiri me tō āhua ake. Kāore koe e kite i a koe anō i a koe e ngana ana ki te pupuri i a rātou kia makona, kia harikoa hoki. Kua mate ō whāinga me ō wawata. Kāore koe e mahi ki te whakatutuki i aua whāinga nā te mea kua moumou katoa tō kaha, tō wā, me ō mahi ki te whakahaere i te whanaungatanga."

He rerekē mēnā kei te ngana anō tō hoa ki te pupuri i a koe kia harikoa, ā, e aro ana ki ō hiahia. Engari ki te kore, kaua e pena. Ka mahi tahi kōrua, kāore rānei. Ki te kore e mutu te whakaaro mō tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei i muri i te maha o ngā wheako, kāti kua kore e taea e koe te manawanui. 

Me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga e memeha ana te ngākau

E mea ana a Jayant, "Ko te mea tuatahi kia mōhio koe mō te noho tahi me te tangata e whakararu ana i a koe i roto i te kare ā-roto ko tōna momo piripono. Mena ko te pūtake o tō ngenge ko ōna kāhua āpiti kore haumaru, kātahi ka taea e kōrua te kōrero mō taua mea, me te whakatau i te raruraru. Me whai wāhi te whanaungatanga ki te harikoa o nāianei.

Ki te mea kua ngaro atu tō harikoa o nāianei me te harikoa me te harikoa e tika ana kia kawea mai e tō hoa ki roto i te whanaungatanga, kua tae ki te wā kia tirohia ngā raruraru me te whakatika. Me pēhea? Kei raro nei ētahi huarahi hei whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga e ngenge ana i te kare ā-roto. 

1. Kōrero atu ki a rātou mō tēnei

Haere ki tō hoa. Kōrerotia ki a rātou kia mārama, kia mārama hoki. E kī ana a Jayant, "He marena/whanaungatanga tino uaua tēnei. Ki te kore koe e whakaae kei te raru koe i tētahi mea, ka noho pūmau tonu koe, kāore he ara e puta ai i te raruraru. I aroha koe ki tō hoa nā te mea i whakaatu mai rātou ki a koe ka taea e koe te whakawhirinaki ki a rātou, ā, kia noho ngoikore hoki ki a rātou. Kōrerotia ki a rātou kei te ngenge koe i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga."

2. Haere ki te tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine

E kī ana a Jayant, "Ki te kore koe e kitea he otinga mō ō raruraru, ā, kei te kī tonu tō hoa tāne, tō hoa wahine rānei kua ngoikore ia i te taha hinengaro, ko te tohutohu i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te huarahi pai māu. Mea atu ki tō kaiārahi, "Kei te ngoikore ahau i taku whanaungatanga." Ka kitea e rātou te raruraru huna, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakarato i te otinga e rapu ana koe, ā, ki te mea kei te rapu āwhina ngaio koe, ko te rōpū kaiārahi mātau o Bonobology he pāwhiri atu.

3. Kia mārama me whakaae tahi kōrua 

Ko te whakaae te pūtake o ngā raruraru maha. E kī ana a Jayant, "Me mārama ngā taha e rua o te whanaungatanga, me whakaae hoki ki te whiriwhiri i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Kua whara, kua whara hoki kōrua. I mua i tō whakatau nui, ngana ki te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga e mamae ana te ngākau mā te whawhai takitahi i ō pakanga. Mena he rau ngā raruraru, kāore e taea e koe te whawhai katoa i te wā kotahi. Me mahi i ngā mahi iti." Te whawhai i roto i te whanaungatanga he mea noa engari whawhai mō te aroha, kaua ki tō hoa rangatira.”

I mua i tō peke ki te whakatau me te whakaaro ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga e whakararu ana i te kare ā-roto, hoki whakamuri kia rua ngā hikoinga ka tātarihia mēnā kua whakatakotoria e koe he nui rawa ngā tumanakohanga ki a rātou. Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kei a ia te kaha ki te mahi i a ia e pikau ana i aua tumanakohanga teitei rawa atu? Ki te pērā, kāore he kino ki te whakaiti i ō tumanakohanga mō te aroha. Engari ki te mea he mea tēnā kāore e taea e koe te whakaae, kua tae pea te wā ki te wehe. Āraia koe me tō hoa i te mamae o ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe mutunga kore. 

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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